Friends are like bananas: if you peel their skin and eat them, they die.
The of and to a in is I that for you was with on as have but be they.
"Sifting through the data was a nightmare, because give people a blank text box and some of them will decide to tell you their life story in it."
"Two things mister: your dogs are great and my sunglasses are awesome."
"I shudder to imagine what kind of sin one could commit against fish."
"Ok -- my calibration thought that a millimetre was a metre, and the world was upside-down, and a few other things."
"It took three government agencies and two interviews before I was allowed inside, and we could only film things that were painted beige."
"People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words."
"I'm three years out, and while I'm still physically recovering from the nerve damage, at least I am recovering from the nerve damage."
Patents don't have to be good, they just have to be new.
A goal without a plan is a wish.
"The only time we had a problem was on a troubleshooting call a couple of months ago - one of the engineers mentioned that he thought a particular line of investigation was a red herring, and then we had to explain to some people unfamiliar with the term that no this was not the code name for a new chip they had never heard of."
"Obama is a brown-skinned socialist anti-war radical who gives out free healthcare. Oh, wait, that was Jesus."
"As I had suffered from mercury poisoning on two previous occasions and didn't care to take a chance doing it again, I thought it would be an excellent idea to have somebody else make the compound for me."
"One eyewitness described the incident by stating 'The concrete was on fire!'"
"When I die I want my group project members to lower me into my grave, so they can let me down one last time."
"For some reason it felt totally safe, but now looking at this photo I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face."
"Finally, he said, the problem could be solved by getting and using a time machine. This solution, too, suffers from practical difficulties."
"I love that a bunch of people just got together, self organised and ran a massive distributed computing experiment to solve something so pointless."
"Sure, it's essential for the entire universe to work, I just didn't expect it to beat 'hugs'."
"We're now three diversions deep, but keep going..."
"There's no way to confirm that, of course, because 'local person doesn't die in river' doesn't make the news."
"Well you see, he was holding the gun backwards, and given his rank I felt it was uncalled for to correct him."
*Made on Earth by humans*
"The only reason Chris Hadfield isn't the coolest guy on earth is that he's not on earth."
If you feel like you may become violently ill in the near future, stay away from red food. Failure to do so may create an atmosphere of unnecessary panic and chaos.
The hardest thing in chess is to win a won game.
"We know that nobody intended to frame the Laws of Chess such that we could escape check by moving into three simultaneous checks, because it would be ludicrously silly."
"You can tell whatever happens next won't work out, because we're like 30 pages in instead of 250."
"At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things."
"It's a random selection from the list of X11 colors plus a random selection from a list of common fish names. We were using names of stars previously, but it turned out we had too many people interested in astronomy."
"That was the right move. I’m sticking by that because I already did it."
"This right here is a Deltic doing what a Deltic does best: making a environmental nuisance of itself."
"He resisted, but in the end he got grounded by reality. Shame, he seemed really amped to touch that cable, I don't think he knew how much it was going to hertz. Currently he is undergoing a battery of tests at the hospital, shock therapy is being considered before he can be discharged."
"The Locational Argument proceeds upon an artificial distinction which serves no purpose and has no legislative basis. The only point of it would appear to be to provide the Defendants with a defence."
"It would have cost you nothing to not type that, yet here we are."
"We employ an empirical approach, using optical character recognition (OCR) software, which finds that merely 93% of paint splatters parse as valid Perl."
"This splatter is recognized by OCR as the string lerzfijglpFiji-j, which evaluates to the number 0 in Perl."
"It is with heavy heart I write this post for a man I never met, but knew so well."
"He was voted in democratically, whilst pretending to be a pirate. So if he is no longer adopting this persona then he doesn’t have a mandate to be President."
"Because of the missing words, the mathematical connection between moon phase and tractive effort is not clear."
"Overall I think I’d rather not have the stories to tell, and then get to skip the parts where I go up in a fireball of flaming solvent."
"Some people are reporting that it exploded, which is sort of correct, but more accurately it exploded and then imploded and then exploded again."
The Lockheed CL-1201 was a proposed flying aircraft carrier with 186 engines.
"I've only read one of his novels, and it didn't make a whole lot of sense. So it goes."
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
"It's ludicrous nonsense. It's not even a solution to the stated problem. It's just a bigger and grander version of the original problem, running in parallel."
"What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? That's irrelevant."
"I honestly don't understand what the hell this is supposed to mean in italian, so I can't really translate it in english sorry"
"That's a problem for future me. Boy am I glad I'm not him."
"How is a magnet held together? How come they don't explode?"
The best part is no part, the best process is no process... It weighs nothing, costs nothing, can’t go wrong.
Ars Technica does not recommend removing the protective cover from your hard disk or setting it on fire in production settings.
"The patriot is proud of his country for what it does, and the nationalist is proud of his country no matter what it does."
Day-by-day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.
"It's essentially apocalypse porn. It has accurately predicted 200 of the last 2 recessions."
"The only person who saw the fire was a young sergeant who said 'the wing's melting'. It's a wonderful description - covers everything."
Belief, however ridiculous, imbues life with meaning.
"To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!"
To the rational mind nothing is inexplicable, only unexplained.
You're always going to be doing it wrong, there's always a newer library, and your code will never scale infinitely on the first try.
The existence of an argument is no evidence that that argument is the reason people believe its conclusion.
"Frankly, the word 'vehicle' is a bit misleading. Essentially, what you've created is an unstable pile of gunpowder the size of Central Park."
"The former would be indistinguishable from a meltdown, and a lot harder to avoid, and the latter is a whole new and exciting kind of catastrophe."
"The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying "And another thing..." twenty minutes after admitting he'd lost the argument."
"I bought an ADHD-TV. Great resolution, but it keeps switching channels."
"Of course I have! You ever tried going mad WITHOUT power? No-one listens to you."
"I mean, look at Suez. Panama. You really expect us to believe that the continents just happened to end up right next to each other with convenient little land bridges between them? And the idea of making the maps look neat by having a nice round sea all the way round the north pole, and a nice round continent all the way round the south pole..."
"I'm still waiting for the opportunity to shine with my knowledge on how to properly put out that kind of fire. For some reason my food never bursts into flame while I'm cooking."
The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan.
"So you're telling me that you use electricity and clean water for decoration...and then just throw money in it?"
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
Have you heard of Animated SVG Fonts? No? Good.
Fiction is a lie that tells us true things.
There's little tactical advantage to being able to blow up the world ten times instead of just once.
"The ball turning into plasma after being pitched is very arguably an unintended side effect, and it would be hard to justify penalizing the pitcher for throwing the ball as fast as possible, because that's sort of the point, and because he's been disintegrated."
"Scaling Everest was, by far, the most amazing and transformative experience of my life. Unfortunately, this is a thesis on context-free grammars."
"Hold on. We're veering dangerously out of the hypothetical here."
"I might have been tempted to return to Carl's cubicle a little while later wired up with a hidden tape recorder, and ask him to explain about the ants."
General rule of thumb: treat companies like you would treat a legally diagnosed, high functioning psychopath, since if they were people, that's how we would classify them.
When you sue people for telling the truth, there is something fundamentally wrong with your business model.
Don't wait for yesterday.
If the thing you are looking at is moving across your field of vision, you aren't going to hit it.
In October 2019, an Iowa woman was killed at a gender reveal party after her family inadvertently created a pipe bomb.
You have a problem and decide to use threads. have two Now problems. you
"People wondered about this world too, and we wrote 'Here be dragons' on our maps. And eventually we got there, and there were no dragons. The world got a little less magical because we got a little bit more of it."
"Man's unfailing capacity to believe what he prefers to be true rather than what the evidence shows to be likely and possible has always astounded me."
"Some would ask, how could a perfect God create a universe filled with so much that is evil. They have missed a greater conundrum: why would a perfect God create a universe at all?"
"The change in rotational inertia causes them to move faster than the carousel and crash into it, killing everyone."
"If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."
"It's like driving your living room down the highway at 140mph."
"I accept my failure. I had to fail in order to find a new path to a new dream."
Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.
If we don't study the mistakes of the future, we're doomed to repeat them for the first time.
"No, Man is an island."
"I am uncertain what you mean by 'ideas', but I would rather not find out."
"'One moment please', he says as his bench bursts into flames..."
To err is human, to moo bovine.
"The internet needs you to go about the world doing weird things, so we can live vicariously through you."
"We may have to cut some corners, but only ones we can tape back on later."
Oxford University was founded before the Aztec Empire.
"The sonic boom would be the first thing the target would hear. It would be followed by several sounds played over one another, including both reversed music (rising slightly in pitch as it fades out) and forward-playing music (which would play at half speed and an octave too low), followed by the crash of a stereo demolishing your neighbor’s shed."
"It's daft as fuck, of course, but that's part of the appeal. I can definitely see it being something that crosses the UK-Oz cultural divide."
"Dangerously strong cider! Stupid hats! Underage drinkers! A meat raffle!"
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds like an awesome time, if you don't know what either of those things are.
In almost all circumstances the correct number of wheels for a car is four.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
"It is not about achieving your dreams but living your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you."
Focusing is about saying no.
If you focus on what you've left behind you will never be able to see what lies ahead.
If you are transporting drugs, inspect your vehicle beforehand and follow all traffic laws.
We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their behaviour.
Experience is the capacity to recognize a mistake when you are about to make it again.
A car that won't start is an inconvenience. If it won't stop, that's a problem.
Accept inevitable outcomes, and do your best to change changeable outcomes to your liking.
"Is being turned into a lizard while using an experimental transwarp drive the same thing as being dead?"
"The gas-powered pogo stick is no longer commercially available, as far as we know, for what seem to us to be obvious reasons."
People's views and attitudes being nonsensical does not make them any less real.
The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.
In British English, 'interesting' and 'nonsense' are often synonyms.
"One of the running themes of the first few episodes is that time travel to the past clearly isn't a safe or remotely reasonable solution, it just happens to be cheap and easy."
"Setting aside the actual harm his antics have caused him, he's invested way too much of his life into an endeavor with absolutely no demonstrable progress. At a certain point you need to step back any find a better use for your time."
"It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish."
"Everything in moderation, including moderation."
"My stupid body can't hold itself together without duct tape and positive thoughts."
"The sentence 'my code is complex and secure' is an oxymoron in itself. Thanks for clarifying your level of expertise."
Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil.
Things aren’t the way they used to be, and they never were.
"Look, they did it before with a bean, how much different can it be for a rocket? Just build another tent!"
"One of these talks was on PPE and happened to be by the incoming president of the CC. That doesn't make it official CC policy, any more than it is now CC policy to collect hippopotamuses, another of the incoming president's interests."
"So in essence, this is a 5 week filibuster after the motion has passed."
"Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today."
Against criticism a man can neither protest nor defend himself; he must act in spite of it, and then it will gradually yield to him.
"Making your opponent the incumbent Prime Minister is actually one of the worst electoral strategies you could possibly go for."
"The pound rises on the news that the government has lost its majority and sacked plenty more to ensure they don't accidentally gain a majority."
"It's happening. I mean, not sure what, but something IS happening."
You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.
Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.
"I like to stick my hand out of the window while driving, but this is why I never take the car up to 4,000 mph. Turning the air to plasma just ruins the cool relaxing feeling on my hand."
"DCI engineers are more interested in something I might call the 'personnel Roche limit' where tidal forces exceed the tensile strength of a typical crew member at the maximum dimension of a typical crew member."
You either tell robots what to do, or are told by robots what to do.
"The audible results produced by this program are downright awful, and it would strike me as very odd if anyone who's listened to them would actually want to hear them again."
"I dream of the day when I will learn to stop asking questions to which I will regret learning the answers."
If it takes less than 2 minutes, then do it now.
Be as you wish to seem.
Security at the expense of usability comes at the expense of security.
If you are arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
Are you having a bad day, or did you have a bad five minutes and are letting it ruin your whole day?
Everything takes twice as long as you think, and that's still true if you double your estimate.
"It could have been worse. I could have chosen that moment to issue new weapons."
When seeking the real truth it's always important to look past the obvious, credible information available and seek out unverifiable unknowns.
"It's not exactly rocket science, it's about recognizing what can be done and doing it."
"I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do."
"In your response, you acknowledged the multiple trash bags containing torn quality control documents and the practice of signing documents before recording the data. You stated the torn documents were from scale-up batches in which you tore the documents so as 'not to create confusion in the mind of the investigator.' Your response was inadequate."
It just isn't worth it to stay awake later than midnight, ever.
"All of these techniques could be implemented. However, John slowly realized that these solutions were just things that he could do, and inventing 'a thing that you could do' is a low bar for human achievement."
Inventing “a thing that you could do” is a low bar for human achievement.
"He could fire himself to demonstrate that he is a strong leader who doesn’t hesitate to make tough decisions even if they hurt."
"Everyone involved - everyone involved who was still alive, that is - was arrested."
Soorjo Alexander William Langobard Oliphant Chuckerbutty (1884—1960) was an English organist and composer.
"I don't consider this a negative thing. Humans gonna human. It's just cool that we've built this kind of impressive technology, where people pay real money for digital hats."
"This WAS the pad maintenance. Now there's nothing nearby that can catch fire and there's no more debris on the launch pad. It only took 20 seconds to do it all too."
"Now I know that any cake—ANY CAKE AT ALL—could be stuffed full of duplicitous evil! I shall overcome this fear by eating EVERY CAKE I SEE!"
To govern is not to make people feel good, it is to choose.
"It shall be swift and ruthless. Unless any Ruths intend to join, in which case it shall be ruthful."
"Aw. You never let me murder ANYONE."
"It is vague on this topic, but vague in a hyper-detailed fashion."
More people should realize that they are someone when they say "Someone should do something."
"And I say guy, I say guy, because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it. That's something else you gals oughta be working on. Well if you wanna be truly equal you're gonna have to start taking your lives in greater numbers."
The difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there is no difference.
The sum of a sequence of odd numbers is always the next perfect square.
"My policy is to never take up any hobbies they specifically ask you about in your life insurance application."
"I didn't say it wasn't. I said that I don't like it when you do it to me."
"The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology."
"Just want to thank Ashfield Springs for actually making the springs as the first company I went to were a bunch of nobs and refused to make them as they thought it was silly."
"I can say with full confidence that his snail is the best fourteen-legged moustache snail I’ve ever seen, and we should all aspire to have a pet that outrageously fashionable and disease-ridden."
Sometimes, learning to give the obvious answer to an obvious question is itself an important lesson.
Someone who takes the risk of being wrong is preferred to someone who is never wrong but never says anything worth saying.
Are you about to collapse in exhaustion and possibly die?
"Well OBVIOUSLY I'm not going to popularize a method of immortality that requires killing people! That would defeat the ENTIRE POINT!"
The universe is neither evil, nor good, it simply does not care. The stars don't care, or the Sun, or the sky. But they don't have to! We care! There is light in the world, and it is us!
A jet-ski is a motorbike that has been modified so it sinks more slowly. It is used for sexual display and to generate waves.
"I am not sure that there has ever in history been a quadruple agent, or any army with such a high fraction of real and pretended traitors. We are exploring new realms, and we cannot turn back now."
"Brilliant! If everyone knows, no-one will suspect it's a secret!"
"If you're not going to believe what I say then WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING?"
"There was a brief dip in the volume, as everyone waited to see if she was going to make any specific and credible threats."
"I will return to this house only to find a crater billowing purple smoke, a depopulated city surrounding it and a plague of flaming zebras terrorising what remains of England."
"I have the distinct feeling that I ought to be doing something about this."
"If I lied the first time, I'm not going to tell you the truth just because you ask twice."
"I think I should perhaps be alarmed that you have trouble answering the question."
"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
Care about people but not what they think of you.
Confidence is a side-effect of being good at something. Confidence without competence is arrogance.
Confidence without competence is arrogance.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
"My ambition is to understand everything important there is to know about the universe, apply that knowledge to become omnipotent, and use that power to rewrite reality because I have some objections to the way it works now."
Immigration officials generally will not take "It's a complicated situation, don't ask" for an answer.
"I now have ALL the pockets. I have a GLUTTONY of pockets. Why would I wear anything else?"
"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust?"
Not yesterday, not tomorrow. not 3 seconds ago or 3 seconds in the future. Now.
Not yesterday, not tomorrow. not 3 seconds ago or 3 seconds in the future. Now.
Time is a blockchain.
"I would love that job: Transport Planner to the World, Without Portfolio."
"The only thing that Brains has failed to factor in is that he has designed a Big Giant Machine, about the riskiest proposition possible in Thunderbirds, and sure enough it’s only a matter of time..."
Thunderbirds spoke of the 1960s British mindset that all problems, no matter how apparently intractable, could be solved through the application of technology by boffins.
Failure is when you stop.
"When the fetus leaves the mothers vagina and lands on the cotton bed 97 in the net 88, its Weight, as a result of the rotation of the machine, exerts a radial centrifugal force on the bottom of the elastic net 88. This force on the net 88 presses on the upright switch-out plate 93..."
Nobody will watch your TED talk if your sense of optimism is grounded in reality.
Any plot which requires more than three different things to happen would never work in real life.
US Patent #3216423 is categorized under A61B17/42: "Gynaecological or obstetrical instruments or methods" and F41B: "Weapons for projecting missiles without use of explosive or combustible propellant charge".
Attitude is no substitute for competence.
Sea cucumbers extract oxygen from water in a pair of 'lungs' or respiratory 'trees' that branch off the cloaca just inside the anus.
"On-site personnel should be reassured that the spiders are harmless."
"When they calculated your survival odds, I think they made some optimistic assumptions about your hobbies."
"This may well have been a case where chilly logic should have been replaced by the common sense of, perhaps, the average chicken."
"Worrying about my choice of things to worry about is a subcategory of worrying about my prioritisation of things, which I prioritise over almost everything important."
Every specialized field has its own stupid unit.
"I'm surprised that he managed to do that entire speech without breaking into laughter or regurgitating several poisonous snakes."
The present is the only moment you can change.
"Macgill said he objected to the idea on the grounds that cyclists may be decapitated 'and the pavements will become covered in red slime and gore, which will cause all sorts of health and safety hazards.'"
"There's some magic level of eye contact and raised voice where you get someone's attention without making them think you're trying to murder them that I just haven't discovered."
"No more delays! Before there's an explosion—or MORE CULTISTS—or another monster attack—or a PLAGUE OF SINGING FISH—we do it NOW!"
"The doctor was looking forward to visiting Cuba as much as anyone aboard. With luck a crewman would come down with some obscure malady, and he’d have something interesting to work on for once."
"It IS lucky. I ain’t never died while wearing that hat."
The voices whispering to you as a result of sleep deprivation do not count.
The voices whispering to you as a result of sleep deprivation do not count.
"People today...it seems they are good, or sometimes evil, mostly by inertia, not by choice. They act as their surroundings prepare them to act."
People are good, or sometimes evil, mostly by inertia and not by choice.
"There isn’t much time for a plan. This is more of a hunch with scaffolding."
"Well, you run all the servos at full blast, the spacecraft jumps up to the top of the world map, zips back to the left, drops back down to the proper place on the map on the ground track, and it makes a big noise when it does that. It goes zing! Zing! Zing! Zing! And it’s back on the other side."
"I think you were doing quite well until you got to the bit about slaying polar bears."
"We must have bearers, and outriders, and perhaps an elephant – they are so imposing, nothing says 'Get out of the way' quite like an elephant in the front."
"A bulldog is a sensitive creature and one wearing a life jacket can be an object of fun, so ours would often turn her back on her audience."
A bulldog is a sensitive creature and one wearing a life jacket can be an object of fun.
"He filled her up with petrol and set off with just a road map. Someone told him as long as he kept land on his right-hand side he’d be fine. And that’s what he did, he got all the way around the Isle of Sheppey."
"The gentleman explained his dogs had won a lot of trophies and he told us about them. He told us the name of Jim’s colour, which is fawn. He asked to see Jim’s pedigree and said that Jim had good racers in his line and was his own grandpa."
No one sees you in a fluorescent jacket.
"I minded the bikes in the sun as the Dutchman, who had no French, spent two hours in a confectionery wholesaler trying to buy an oil filter."
You can get radiator paint off most things with acetone but it takes all morning. You can’t get it off beds.
"In the army, said Owen on the phone, there are eleven officially recognized types of fucking idiot, and you are eight of them."
"She’s a robot, explained Monica. You can tell by their eyes, and everything they say follows logically from something else, or if a fuse goes they talk absolute nonsense. Real people talk a sort of half-nonsense all the time – the robot people haven’t worked out yet how to copy it."
Real people talk a sort of half-nonsense all the time – the robot people haven’t worked out yet how to copy it.
"She’s a robot. You can tell by their eyes, and everything they say follows logically from something else, or if a fuse goes they talk absolute nonsense. Real people talk a sort of half-nonsense all the time – the robot people haven’t worked out yet how to copy it."
The more overlearned an activity becomes, the less cognitive workload it imposes.
Having your eyes on the road doesn’t do any good unless your attention is on the road too.
A cyclist may feel safer riding on the sidewalk instead of the street. But several studies have found that cyclists are more likely to be involved in a crash when riding on the sidewalk. Why?
Given how many misperceptions and biases we’re susceptible to while driving, it’s simply expecting too much of us to think we’re able to hold to some perfect risk 'temperature'.
One of the mobile phone’s great cultural effects is its power to erase any absolute distinction between when people are working and when they are not. If people can always find you, in a sense you’re always working.
"We’re going to need BSU support at our last assigned. We’re being threatened by 16 pyjama-clad ninjas."
"I found out later that a four-meter, tentacled eel of a person had paid the balance of my fare without telling me, because, she had told the captain, I didn’t belong there and would be healthier elsewhere."
"I didn’t get where I am by having reasonable goals."
There are times when the only way to get an organisation to change course is to behead it, and promote new leadership out of the middle ranks.
"That's it? That's IT? The dream of the ages, and it comes down to mashed potatoes, woolly socks and shared use of a trombone?"
Go to sleep. The morning is wiser than the evening.
A plan with a second part is always a good plan.
There is a way of playing certain musical instruments that is called "circular breathing", devised to allow people to play the didgeridoo or the bagpipes without actually imploding or being sucked down the tube.
"Igors did not believe in 'Forbidden Knowledge' and 'Things Man Was Not Meant to Know' but obviously there were some things a man was not meant to know, such as what it felt like to have every single particle of your body sucked into a little hole."
Floating in the air doesn’t make you a bad person.
Everything happens for a reason, except possibly football.
Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you.
"He prided himself on an incredibly well-honed ability to talk his way in or out of anything, but that rather depended on a passably sane entity being involved at the other end of the dialogue."
"He woke the next morning, and it was still the same universe; it had not been a nightmare and time had not gone backward. It had all still happened."
It's easier to deal with things when you’ve had some rest and some breakfast.
"Eggs are so inadequate, don’t you think? I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken. Or a duck. Or whatever they’re programmed to be. You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of the night next week."
"We fall into the oldest errors. We’re standing here with the universe in our grasp and, instead of furthering our own destinies, we connive at our own obsolescence."
We understand environments through experience, not robot telemetry.
"Private Percy was a practical and methodical young man, and therefore decided, in this dream, not to worry about trees, trees had never tried to kill him."
Fortune follows the already fortunate.
"Messieurs, je vous prie de nous excuser, mais ici, c’est pas un restaurant, c’est le club privé des écrivains sovietiques."
"They seem totally normal at first, but then they go having visions, or deciding something’s wrong with the universe and they have to fix it. Or both at once. They’re all insane."
"I didn’t get where I am by having reasonable goals."
"Well, it all went wrong anyway. And they didn’t say anything about this. You’d think they might have, they said lots of other things. Sit up straight, Dlique. Don’t dismember your sister, Dlique, it isn’t nice. Internal organs belong INSIDE your body, Dlique."
"I don’t think that story communicates the point you seem to imagine it does."
Most, if not all, humans are built by other humans.
"I’m given to understand that most, if not all, humans are built by other humans."
"Always remember, Fleet Captain—internal organs belong INSIDE your body!"
"This is a fuck-up from off the map. From out of nowhere. A new and unique style of fuck-up."
"He said this after he tore out the wall between his living room and dining room, which he had not done before for fear that it was there for a reason."
"I imagined that we weren’t really from Minnesota, we were only using it as a cover, disguising ourselves as quiet modest people until we could reveal our true identity as Italians."
"She understood perfectly. The words themselves, at least. The content of the words was insane."
People like to talk. Just because they run out of facts doesn't stop the mouth from flapping.
"You give the CDF the right to use whatever procedures necessary to enhance your combat readiness, and you can’t be combat ready if you’re dead."
If you can delay solving a problem long enough, one of three things will happen: The problem will become so large that it destroys the organization, everyone gets so used to living with the problem that it ceases to be a problem, or the problem solves itself.
"The British preferred the North. The heat there was pleasantly dry; the Hausa-Fulani were narrow-featured and therefore superior to the negroid Southerners, Muslim and therefore as civilized as one could get for natives, feudal and therefore perfect for indirect rule."
What you are feeling cannot be grief. The time for that is over. It is self-pity and self-pity is a rotten way of life. Snap out of it.
Getting there is half the fun.
"If I could wear a bulky sweater inside my fully articulated, power-assisted combat suit, I still wouldn’t. Because that would be stupid."
"The distance it had taken a year and a half to travel in person, the message had managed in five hours. Five hours, and still too goddamn slow."
"That removes out-and-out stupidity as an excuse for this nonsense and means, therefore, that he is an absolute idiot."
"He was calling it an atonic seizure because, even if he didn’t know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name."
"Even if he didn’t know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name."
There are two parts to reacting, aren’t there. How you feel, and what you do. And it’s the thing you do that’s the important one, isn’t it?
Etiquette tip: It’s okay, more or less, to ask an author to sign your arm, but not good manners to then nip around to the tattoo parlor next door and return half an hour later to show them the inflamed result.
"Newt had always suspected that people who regularly used the word ‘community’ were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew."
"They hadn’t dreamed, in the way people usually used the word, but they’d imagined a different world, and bent metal round it."
"They’d waded through rivers and dabbled in trigonometry. They hadn’t dreamed, in the way people usually used the word, but they’d imagined a different world, and bent metal round it."
"Plus, you’ve managed—in our short three years together—to kill not only my god, but my father, my brother, and my fiancée. That’s kind of like a homicidal hat trick."
An enraged altruist with $25 billion in his pocket is a person to listen to.
"Here, give him one of these pills every month, and y’all look out for the alligators. I don’t have a pill for those."
"Relying on forty years of business experience Monica and I set our estimate of the bill at twice the highest figure mentioned in conversation, including any sum mentioned in jest."
Most of the time they don’t warn you but if they do they bloody well mean it.
Genuine, unashamed patriots are an embarrassment to the cynical and manipulative.
"These world-famous, leading authorities on security figured out a solution: They found a brick and used it to prop open the door leading into the secure area.""
"In order to transmit the same amount of information on paper, they would have to arrange for a 747 cargo freighter packed with telephone books and encyclopedias to power-dive into their unit every couple of minutes, forever."
"She doesn’t want you to understand her. She knows that’s impossible. She just wants you to understand yourself. Everything else is negotiable."
"If you think he’s going to kill you, you’re wrong, because if you were right, you’d be dead."
“I discovered a new kind of algae,” I said.  “That’s it,” said the man. “With holistic properties.” “No,” I said. “It’s just algae.” “I thought I read that somewhere,” he said. “It kills cancer or something.” “I haven’t heard that,” I said.  “Oh. I must have made it up. Sorry to bother you.”
A good man acts, a weak man does not.
"He is dead, she thought bitterly, because we have forgotten him."
"Think not that I am come to bring peace on earth. I came not to bring peace, but a sword."
"This is a very large forest. Please confine your hypotheses to what is at least remotely possible."
Again, and this time without self-pity.
"Again, and this time without self-pity."
Rational decisions are far more easily made than carried out.
"That’s as sure as we ever are of anything. We believe it enough to act as though it’s true."
Even though those words are gone, there are still new words waiting to be said.
"No, we don't have to give up. We just have to find someone who can give us an enormous lot of money."
The business of science fiction is sometimes to show impossible nightmares.
"Here I stand. I can do no other."
"And naturally the transnats don’t like that, it’s horrible for business when the world blows up."
Moles and voles are crucial in changing fellfields.
"It was a style that had not changed in five hundred years. Settling into the land, as if natural to it."
"I’m trying to walk without using my cerebellum!"
"Doesn’t this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb."
"He liked the big, solid, unflappable workmen, recognizing in them all the things he knew he lacked, like steadfastness, solidarity and honesty. You couldn’t lie to a lathe or fool a hammer."
"As you indicate, this may well have been a case where chilly logic should have been replaced by the common sense of, perhaps, the average chicken."
"There's a steady hiss. So either it’s leaking or there are snakes in here."
"He was never able to get it going, which was probably just as well, as it would infallibly have exploded."
"The aniline is almost as bad, but a bit more subtle in its actions. If a man is splashed generously with it, and it isn’t removed immediately, he usually turns purple and then blue and is likely to die of cyanosis in a matter of minutes. So the combination was understandably unpopular."
"Somehow, I suspect challenging him to a duel and then shooting him smartly between the eyes, however satisfying, might not be precisely the best way to handle the situation."
To live is to make decisions and to grow; to refuse decisions or to grow is to die inside, even if the body lives on.
Any problem with any manmade system is ultimately a human error.
"The wastage was so severe that the horizontal stringers, which are the major structural members running athwartship across the tanks, had become detached from the tank bulkheads (walls). If you jumped up and down on these once massive platforms, they reacted like a trampoline, except they made a lot more noise. I scared the hell out of my fellow inspectors for a while by demonstrating how much this improved my vertical."
"Tomorrow, a new prince shall rule. Men of understanding, men of science shall stand behind his throne, and the universe will come to know his might. His name is Truth. His empire shall encompass the Earth, And the mastery of Man over the Earth shall be renewed."
"And how will this come to pass? ‘In the same way all change comes to pass, I fear. And I am sorry it is so. It will come to pass by violence and upheaval, by flame and by fury, for no change comes calmly over the world."
"Mulholland? Nice guy but almost as stupid as he looks. Well, that's not quite fair; nobody could be that stupid. Maybe Mulholland."
Our daily work must be done to the glory of the dead, and for the good of those who come after.
"They are in my mind. They will never leave me. I blame you."
"If it wasn’t so blisteringly hot outside, there’s a good chance this would be a herpetology book instead of a programming one."
You must reveal your stupidity openly. To hold your stupidity inside you is to embrace it, to cling to it, to protect it.
Flattery rarely fails, and never does if it’s sincere.
"Just tell me what secret you want to make sure I don’t know, and I’ll tell you if I already knew it."
"If we get it wrong that’s because we are stupid, not because the idea was bad."
Did you know that there are twice as many numbers as numbers?
Doing two tasks at once takes longer than the sum of the times it would take to do each alone.
"So this secret convention of ten thousand or so computer criminals was covered by the local newspapers?"
Just because it doesn’t work the way you expected doesn’t mean it’s useless.
"He says he is expecting us – Le narrowboat anglais Phyllis May avec ses géraniums."
The best answer to any defect in the past must be a remedy in the future.
"Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn’t care."
"That might be what you do, but that's not what you are."
"I don’t know if you noticed the earthquake a few minutes ago, my dear man, but the world appears to be ending. That is an indisputably depressing event."
"Doing so seemed to make the thing angry. That is reason enough, I think."
Better to trust and be betrayed. Better to love and be hurt.
"Better to trust and be betrayed, Kelsier seemed to whisper. It had been one of the Survivor’s mottos. Better to love and be hurt."
"You should try not to talk so much, friend. You’ll sound far less stupid that way."
"I have no idea what you just said, child. So I'm simply going to pretend it was coherent, then move on."
"Actually, we took it for granted that you were doing something stupid. We've just been wondering how stupid this particular event would turn out to be."
"I hope you know that even if I believed that quote I wouldn’t say it."
"Maybe you couldn’t build a major CPU with kids. It was awfully risky. It was a compelling idea."
Some people would rather work twelve hours a day of their own choosing than eight that are prescribed.
If a man-eating tiger is advancing upon you and you throw him a T-bone steak, you are not negotiating. You are serving hors d’oeuvres.
"Rand and his team were undone not by their grand vision, but by inattention to the most basic of details: Ships had to float."
"It was quite an anticlimax when we got the engines, started the timetable and had to ground the lot for several weeks because the axles went round faster than the wheels, which wasn’t so good for the motion. After that, away we went."
"The axles went round faster than the wheels, which wasn’t so good for the motion."
Why, after all, would anyone not eat raw cookie dough for dinner, given the option?
The only thing that makes sense to do is strive for greater collective enlightenment.
"Mueller was one of the club’s standouts, able to build things that actually worked."
"The person who sent in the letter had circled the spot on his own drawing and then written 'What is that? Blood?' next to it."
"They weren’t actually allowed to sell cars yet, though, so we joined their club. It cost one hundred thousand dollars, but one of the benefits of membership was that you’d get a free car."
Nothing sucks the fun out of working on a spaceship like controlling it with mechanisms last seen in a 1960s laundromat.
Good ideas are always crazy until they’re not.
Consistency is a virtue only if you're consistently right.
A dog can never have too many chew toys.
What is the reason of the various Figure of the Clouds, undulated, hairy, crisped, coyled, confus’d, and the like?
"The book was, as he and his publisher must confidently have expected, promptly banned and immediately successful."
The beliefs, judgements and opinions of men have their cycles, seasons, births and deaths, every bit as much as cabbages do.
Dante, entirely sensibly, suggested that one should establish whether something was the case before determining why it was the case.
One should establish whether something is the case before determining why it is the case.
Far from our being made in the image of God, we make our gods in our own image.
We forge for ourselves the attributes of God, taking ourselves as the correlative.
Science offers reliable knowledge (that is, reliable prediction and control), not truth.
"What happens next reads not as something a real person would ever attempt, but rather as the log of a man stuck in an adventure game, exploiting the bizarre dream logic adventure games are infamous for."
Flashing lights are seldom the harbingers of joy, except at Christmas.
"Knowing that we have just witnessed the worst day in human history for all people across all possible timelines and realities, we're now on page 31!"
No practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences.
"It was a machine, made of people!"
"The worst part is seeing someone’s head walk through yours. The view is mostly grey, with traces of red and hollow hints of sinus. You would not wish to know about the eyeballs."
"Including once getting his jaw dislocated which was only fun in a no-fun-at-all kind of way."
"...and had all kinds of fun, including once getting his jaw dislocated which was only fun in a no-fun-at-all kind of way."
The management would like to thank you for not killing the guests.
"It is estimated that the structure above the lap joint rose by some 0.75 m. This structure, with its associated burden, was estimated to weigh around 5000 tonnes."
What's the best thing you could be working on, and why aren't you?
The unimportant becomes important, slowly and subtly.
The line between useful automation and immensely complicated time-wasting tinkering is a fine one indeed.
If it is better to wear socks than not, and one does not wish to go barefoot for the rest of one’s life, then it must be optimal at some moment to think about socks.
In 1989, Pepsi bought 17 submarines and three warships from the Soviet Union.
With appropriate rules, the social impact of the use of money is acceptable.
"If you are under the age of 18 or find this photograph offensive, please don't look at it. Thank you!"
"It was a stimulating experience, and I got interestingly sunburnt."
"The procession is led by an individual carrying a duck — originally dead, now just wooden — tied to the end of a vertical pole."
God said to use a single audio voice -- a single frequency with waveforms and, maybe, amplitude envelope.
You're not doing it wrong if no-one knows what you're doing.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Check as fast as possible whether your ideas are false before you start investing huge amounts of effort in them.
What do you want to be when you grow up? The choices are airplane pilot, Santa Claus, and Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie.
"Is this a ridiculous misinterpretation of your views? If not, what makes you feel that you deserve to be taken seriously by intelligent people?"
"I'm busy right now, working on this excuse."
"With all due respect, you sound like a spambot."
Mushrooms are more closely genetically related to humans than they are to trees.
Sharks have existed for longer than trees.
He who does not obey himself will be commanded.
"Little hats with numbers were required, though not available."
If your tower is dirty, flea infested, freezing in winter and boiling in summer, then it is not an attractive place to be. Make improvements.
'Fail' is not a noun.
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.
What's true is already so, owning up to it doesn't make it worse.
"Atmospheric considerations are ignored here since it is far more energy-efficient to manually remove the Earth's atmosphere, move the planet, and reinstall it."
"I support people taking responsibility for their actions. I just support people not being graphically killed by aircraft a lot more."
Some people never do get the whole ‘pointy venomous fish bad, no dangling kids’ thing.
"If I cloned myself, we'd fight to the death and the winner would be the new me."
"A laser sword has to be a magnetically contained tube of plasma. Anything else is clearly ludicrous."
"He said that we all looked like we had come from the local asylum and he’d never seen so many eccentric people in one place at the same time."
"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day—that’s the hard part. But it does get easier."
"Power smoothing. The electrons get baffled by the platypus, and route around it. The additional travel distance unbunches the electrons, which proceed at a speed inversely proportional to density through the platypus bypass, coming out the other side as a more consistent, more existentially troubled, stream."
"Oddly, none of my lectures have even touched upon that sort of thing."
The average person is more than 90% dead.
Almost every human has more limbs than the average.
"Well, yes, but no."
Hassan Firuzabadi, previously chief of staff of Iran's military, justified the arrest of environmentalists by claiming that the West had used scientists and environmental activists to spy on Iran's nuclear program by deploying lizards that could "attract atomic waves."
"Facts, but not the truth, nor even information."
"...noticed the blue glow from the punctured capsule. Thinking the capsule's contents were valuable or even supernatural, he immediately brought it into his house."
"...literally the worst thing they could have done outside of eating it, which they'd already tried."
"Similarly, telling people to get into ringing because you can crush furry animals is the wrong way to go about it."
"You could argue that killing beings that don't deserve it in gruesome ways is /exactly/ in the spirit of Easter."
The Church stands for faith, peace, charity, supporting the local community and bludgeoning small furry creatures to death.
"Yup!!! Only thing better than that is a carpeted shower."
Of course we must be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Almost every morsel of our food is genetically modified – admittedly by artificial selection not artificial mutation, but the end result is the same.
"Now one has to admit that this sounds insane, prima facie."
"True, but do pregnant women really have 4 arms?"
The average number of skeletons in a human body is greater than one.
Brevard County, Florida, was within an hour of being destroyed by an army of turtles recently, according to the man who claimed to be their leader.
"A reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer’s business."
"This matter is stricken and dismissed because it is incomprehensible and serves no conceivable, legitimate legal purpose."
"These people are to be prosecuted for their many crimes—so obviously the guy is not completely crazy—but the trial is apparently to be held in the Vatican, and petitioner seeks $1,666 trillion in damages, all to be paid to the Yazoo Tribe Eternal Living Trust."
"The court cannot determine the substance, if any, of the Defendant’s legal argument, nor can the court even ascertain the relief that the Defendant is requesting. The Defendant’s motion is accordingly denied for being incomprehensible."
"These cereals are deceptively marketed because consumers are led to believe the products are packed with real fruit, notwithstanding the fact that neither 'Crunch Berries' nor any type of froot actually exist in the real world."
"He found that their attack on 'Crunchberries' should fare no better than their prior claims that 'Froot Loops' did not contain real froot."
"Seriously? The earth's core rotates causing the downwards force we know as gravity. At the same time (Newton 3) this rotation creates an outward force which causes our electromagnetic shield that essentially keeps the solar winds out and the air inside."
"You've got to hand it to the Japanese, in any other country a premise like that wouldn't get past the brainstorming phase."
"I have found a couple movies about time-traveling robots, but I am fairly certain they are entirely fictional. I believe I may find better information in another medium."
"We can technically attach the new wing flaps to the train, and it will be as safe from the risk of falling-out-of-the-sky as it ever was."
"In previous examples we have found it convenient to assume reality; henceforth we will no longer thus constrain ourselves."
"I received full marks and a request not to do it again."
"We propose that the ingestion of an entire venomous snake is not typical behavior for the occupants of the Lower Pecos or Conejo Shelter."
"It also folds more easily than an iPad Pro, and without the shower of glass shards."
Is it weird how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how weird it is?
"Yeah that was a typo but I'm keeping it."
"If he had found some way to incorporate a man wearing a dress and some silly exaggerated voices, it might have been the most British collection of words in existence."
"Anyway, when you put it THAT way it sounds stupid."
"You won't believe the number of people that put something on their resume, then act surprised or defensive when I ask about it. If it's not something you can talk about intelligently, don't put it on your resume."
If it's not something you can talk about intelligently, don't put it on your resume.
"There are no bugs left, which is just as well as we don’t want to run out of version numbers."
"And on Easter Sunday Jesus did rise, decreeing that the big Tesco must close in his honour but the Express store can stay open for essentials."
In Switzerland, it's illegal to own just one guinea pig; if you have any, you must have at least two. They get lonely!
For a kid, the question before he or she does something is, "Why wouldn't I do that?" and if the answer isn't a clear negative consequence, they're going to do it.
"In its appeal, the Royal Opera House claimed the artistic value of the music produced by the orchestra meant that some hearing damage to its players was inevitable and justifiable."
"I don't want 'cute'. I want underwear that makes sense."
"Okay. Riight. Yeah, not sure the science of this, but this is all going on fire quite rapidly."
"Ah, Edinburgh. The only place I’ve ever been where you can enter a building on the ground floor, go down 5 floors, and exit on the ground floor again."
"You're SURE this "exercise" isn't an off-the-books operation? You appear to have lost half your face."
"Oh sure, like you'd— wait, what? Seriously?"
"I vote no to Wednesday. I am asking for a short extension of Tuesday until next Friday."
"A poor decision was made" when 24 gallons (109 litres) of petrol were poured on a baseball field and set on fire "to dry it more quickly."
The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity.
"We do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they were going to be easy."
Do, or do not. There is no //TODO
Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.
"I don't think you understand, your face is literally inside your cat."
"Is there like an upper limit on how long you should keep your face inside a cat? Wait nevermind."
"Superficiality, unreliability and an apparent lack of any clear convictions...ought to exclude you from the position of national leadership to which you aspire."
"Sometimes you got tea that was a bit chewy, especially at night when you couldn’t really see well enough."
"The wildlife was modified in the incident and wasn't representative of its type so wasn't suitable for preservation."
Restating the question as an aspiration isn't an answer.
"And I promised the groom I’m happy to be best man at his next wedding, which hasn’t gone down that well."
"More people think the world is run by lizards than that the PM negotiated a very good Brexit deal."
"While the list is not sorted, snap half of all items. Continue until the list is sorted or only one item remains (which is sorted by default)."
export EDITOR=rm
alias cat="rm -rfv"
"I wanted a nice, ordinary number, one that you wouldn’t mind taking home and introducing to your parents."
"See, you gotta give respect to get respect. You can’t get no respect if you ain’t givin it. But you have to have respect first, and that’s self respect."
"The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do'. I typed it out. End of story."
"Henry not only claims to be the head of an independent nation‑state and aboriginal community, but that his tribe owns Canada. He now demands rent."
"The only teeny tiny snag with this plan is that it doesn't work."
"I suggest the company makes the employee sign an agreement that on his death, his brain will become the property of the company, so that they will eventually get the information he has 'forgotten'. That would be no more stupid than anything else the company has done so far."
The Provisional IRA was a secretive terrorist organisation, organised in cells to prevent infiltration by the authorities. It does not publish committee minutes on the Internet.
Anyone who knows what the IRA leadership really thinks is not going to post it on StackExchange.
"I don't see the point of these speed bumps, if anything they make you slower."
There is an amazing propensity of humans to do really stupid things involving sticking foreign objects into their orifices.
"I think that's a dangerous risk and you're stupid to be even thinking about it. A lizard's tongue can move incredibly fast, as soon as one of her independently controlled eyes caught sight of you she'd whack her tongue out and you'd be lizard food."
"By now, he was feeling bleary-eyed. Not so much from the strain of trying to watch something without actually doing so, but from the mental strain of keeping what had become a completely absurd concoction of lies and half-truths and sheer gibberish from collapsing under its own weight."
"We will be consumed by their trajectorial instability!"
It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is. It doesn't matter how smart you are. If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong.
"Well, I mean, I WAS, but I wasn't trying to do it by lying."
The British conquered the world in search of spices and then decided to use none of them.
"He's instead wandering around with a gun trying to shoot people, so in the absence of further evidence we must assume that to be his plan."
"Got a quick question. How much water can my computer have inside of it before I shouldn't turn it on?"
Any plan with the word 'hope' in it is a bad one.
"After the 1st overshoot angle the rest of the data was '*'. When we looked up '*' in the appendix it was a page with the words 'lost control of vessel' written there."
"That arcing sound is exactly what you get if you're holding a live connection while you're being electrocuted."
"What's so bad about porn pics? It just saves time - instead of going to one site for linux news and another for porn, you can get it all from the same place. Efficient!"
"The power factor of the hot dog is exactly 1, which is what you'd expect, it's resistive..."
"The survival of the instant claim would require this Court to ignore all concepts of personal responsibility and common sense. The Court has no intention of allowing that to happen."
When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.
"There’s a Part ii INSIDE the II. FUCK."
"That composition of 'several simple programs' looks like someone picked up the phone while your modem was connected."
If at first you don't succeed, you fail.
"Yeah but you also express exactly the same amount and type of rage for, like, bran muffins, so it's hard to take it seriously."
"Again, Director, object 4118-6 is a stellar envelope. We believe that a storage system for 'all the information' it contains would be about the size of another stellar envelope."
"I will allow for the ash to have electrons in it."
All fungi are edible. Some fungi are only edible once.
The US is the third largest country by population. If its population suddenly grew by one billion people, it would be the third largest country by population.
"The LCD on my old phone would go black at 50 Gauss, so I used it as a crude Gauss meter."
It's easy to know which way you're facing when the sky is a linear gradient.
"luizopiloto considered the mission a democratic success, since a majority of parts didnt explode on touchdown."
Babies generally don't stand underneath leaky car oilpans or go swimming in cold deep fryers unless you're a really bad parent.
"Well, yes, I have heard that view, but I think you'll find it is a bit more complicated than that."
"I have a list of things that I am not currently doing, but should be. It's quite long."
"I find it refreshingly devoid of hypocrisy, though it has the benefit of being almost completely ridiculous."
Bigfoot is very obviously sightings of bears walking on their hind legs by people who don't realize bears can walk around on their hind legs.
"We drew straws, then I ate all the straws and volunteered."
Drink responsibly, because you never know when you'll be caught up in an endless time loop the next day.
"I'm also a co-founder of Kersnootz, the steganographic kitten-placement service that uses machine learning to leverage social network graphs to help our users optimize feline overlays within a blockchain-based content-driven affiliate network. Watch this space for news about our upcoming ICO."
"I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that a random assortment of sheds is not a sound business plan."
"You're a police officer. If he eats me, you can say 'I told you so', but it'll still be your problem."
"As a country, we can't allow ourselves to be divided. We have to work together — against each other."
"Then again, such an ironic death has meaning. I could live with that."
Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.
"Eventually GNOME is just going to regress into just a single open window with a picture of a foot."
"You have NOT worked here long enough to be allowed to finish that sentence."
"It seems likely that both explanations are equally accurate."
28 of the first 31 Popes were murdered.
"There's also the image problem arising from the fact that you ate four people."
"Let's think outside the box. How important is the hull, REALLY?"
"Stop making everything multiplayer. I don't have friends, you assholes."
"So this secret convention of ten thousand or so computer criminals was covered by the local newspapers?"
"I minded the bikes in the sun as the Dutchman, who had no French, spent two hours in a confectionery wholesaler trying to buy an oil filter."
"He told us the name of Jim's colour, which is fawn. He asked to see Jim's pedigree and said that Jim had good racers in his line and was his own grandpa."
"They may say it is 'only the first one backwards', or that 'the underlying structure is the same' - whatever that means - and they will tell you such things even though the two touches are on different numbers of bells, or in different methods, or have different numbers of bobs, or all three."
"But I am not going up the Bristol Channel on the Phyllis May, I protested. The Phyllis May is a canal boat. There are fifty-foot tides and the Severn Bore. We will finish up dashed through the window of Woolworths in Bewdley."
"While it's obvious when you stop to think about it, it's also very important to make people stop and think about it."
Fox News host Pete Hegseth confessed on air that he has not washed his hands for 10 years because "germs are not a real thing".
"There was much pointing and scratching of heads and then they picked up their bridge and took it away."
"You can tell that Matzger’s group has good technique because everyone made it intact to the writing of the manuscript."
"And most of all, we have our beloved wall, which we shall never forsake. Higher velocity! More power! Once more into the concrete, my friends! Who’s with me?"
"No unplanned detonations were encountered during the work."
"Warning: Input wasn't done in which where input should be necessary. Can it be finished?"
"The upside is that the software does what you tell it to do. The downside is that the software does what you tell it to do."
"We replaced all the bugs we knew about with ones we don’t know about!"
"I simply selected the worst possible option, weighting for factors like 'will we all die?'"
In 2003, a Manchester teenager was found guilty of inciting his own murder.
"It's supposed to start here but we don't have a train."
"I too am curious about other people but rarely find them interesting for long, most people have no hobbies or interests beyond television and movies, jobs they know nothing about and opinions based on feelings and a complete lack of knowledge."
"A lot of this jump is that your brain accepts that things you agreed to do just happen. You are not going to waste time considering whether or not they are going to happen, you are only going to ask the question how to make them happen."
"It brings me great joy that someone out there has taken the need for true reliability, and gone too far."
"I resolve to make no more resolutions. And if I get around to it, I'll try not to procrastinate as much this year."
"This year I resolve to give up some of my old nasty habits in favor of some more interesting new ones."
"Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."
"Such sentences, often bizarrely remote from any conceivable use..."
G Nageshwar Rao, vice chancellor of Andhra University, said a demon king from the Hindu religious epic Ramayana had 24 types of aircraft and a network of landing strips in modern day Sri Lanka.
"If she does this and Corbyn doesn't call for a VoNC I will post an angry comment on Reddit then do absolutely nothing."
Tomorrow is imminent!
"Such users might well conclude that they are better off not staring into their phone all day, and that would clearly be bad for the industry."
"Kind of crazy how quickly discussion goes from "RIP" to "can someone else merge in my change please since he's dead?"."
"In the same speech, the President’s tirade did not just end with the Catholic Church but extended to the Holy Trinity and Jesus Christ himself. He dismissed the Holy Trinity as "silly" and Jesus as 'unimpressive' as he chose to die on the cross rather than just zap to oblivion all his foes."
No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.
"Adult authority has not gotten a single human beyond LEO in my lifetime. Maybe it's time to give stick-welded water towers a shot?"
"Ok. If this thing flies, the effect on future aerospace discussions in general and this forum in particular will be catastrophic. No theory will be too wild, no conjecture too crazy, because it will always be 'remember that time in Boca Chica?'. The voice of adult authority will be forever silenced, morality itself will have become a thing of the past, made obsolete by 100 tons of fence-grade metal construction."
Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of thinking you know the future.
"If you ever feel intense pressure in your chest that radiates up into your jaw you are probably having a heart attack. (Source: Had heart attack)"
"It is absolutely sublime from start to finish, and I will jam forks into my eyes if I ever use those words to describe anything else, ever again."
"It’s easier to kill people, when you’re dead yourself. I mean, it’s not such a big deal. You’re not so prejudiced any more."
"Oh? I'll have to never try that sometime."
"Hello, Sirs. I was just possessed with a peculiar urge to come and offer you legal advice."
The solution to "whistleblowers might expose your suckiness" is "suck less", not "cover it up until someone dies".
"But what about Cortana integration, mixed reality, and ads? Personally, I won't be satisfied until it crashes daily and randomly deletes my text files."
"Strictly limited edition, because whoever was operating the typewriter was getting fed up."
"White lost by virtue of the King falling off."
"Some fans pitched in together and sent him a katana. He had never heard of the comic. He was very confused."
If your model says that any failure anywhere will cause catastrophic overall failure then your primary problem is not needing more reliable people.
"Yeah, it's about a kibimetre from here."
"There is also the mode where someone notices a real problem but then has a really, mindbogglingly bad idea, for example Karl Marx."
Never drink coffee. It's the beverage of the damned.
Always push your luck, because no-one else will push it for you.
Always push your luck, because no-one else will push it for you.
"It's only a tragedy if you stop iterating on the design afterward. Otherwise it's a noble sacrifice in the name of the human spirit of exploration."
"The researchers were obliged to report one serious adverse effect, a nonfatal gunshot wound considered by the investigators to be unrelated to zoliflodacin."
So it goes.
"Did he send any additional details? Because I still can't see how that tactic would work."
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
Poisson pointed out that if light were really a wave, there would be a bright spot in the centre of a shadow of a disc, which is obviously nonsense. The bright spot in the centre of a shadow of a disc is now called "Poisson's spot".
"Depends on the kind of immortality. If I could heal from any injury in seconds I'd probably grind myself into a fine paste so I can reform totally cleansed of all foreign substances."
"The regex simply wasn’t long and complicated enough. So I returned to the drawing board, puked on it several times, and ended up with the following."
If none of what you're going through is your fault, you're powerless. If everything is your fault, you'll never be powerful enough and it's hopeless.
Nobody will watch your TED talk if your sense of optimism is grounded in reality.
"And this is what we encountered. It's a woman - in an electric wheelchair - chasing a duck - in circles - on the road."
The greatest danger to our future is apathy.
"They weren't all true—but they all had truth."
"We’d like to remind patrons to not attach googley eyes to books. It can cause damage to the cover and in this case haunt our nightmares for all eternity. Thank you."
"The writers love making big, rash, and grandiose statements about the human condition. Spaceships crash into Big Ben, and entire worlds are destroyed in seconds."
"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
Better to trust and be betrayed. Better to love and be hurt.
"It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
"Someday. That's a dangerous word. It's really just a code for 'never'."
Life is essentially uncertain. And if we try to be certain before we act, we may never act.
Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
"Bring back the light! Open the doors! Stay not the messengers about their business!"
In the beginning was a word. But what is a word without its messenger?
"Well it WAS a UFO until you had to go and identify it for everybody."
Barra (BRR) is the world's only tidal airport.
"I guess it looked appetizing one day because he decided to eat it. I have no idea how."
When there is a plan, things cannot go according to it. If they do, the plan becomes a spoiler.
"The President of the United States has claimed, on more than one occasion, to be in dialogue with God. If he said that he was talking to God through his hairdryer, this would precipitate a national emergency. I fail to see how the addition of a hairdryer makes the claim more ridiculous or offensive."
"I used to host freesql.org. I had over 250k users in total. It was boxes in my basement. For a while they were plugged into a light fixture in the ceiling."
"The IMDB page mentions that it is the longest scene of someone vomiting in a movie ever made."
Of course things are always in the last place you look. When you find them, you stop looking.
"Sometimes, though, even one book could do that. Even one line. Even one word, in the right place and the right time."
"I feel like this except one of the toddlers is a cat and the trench coat is full of bees."
"If you err it is not for me to punish you. We are punished by our sins, not for them."
We are punished by our sins, not for them.
We are punished by our sins, not for them.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Understanding doesn't follow from information, it follows from the desire to understand.
When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.
"Being a malamute, it wasn’t long before the dog could easily fit the entire cat's head in its mouth. Anyone who knows about malamutes will know that this is not a good situation."
"Among his decrees are that everybody will have to wear clean underwear from now on, and that it will have to be worn on the outside so it can be checked."
"Of course when I do it by hand it's absolutely perfect--however, for some reason with this they seem to fit together better."
Communicating badly and then acting smug when you're not understood is not cleverness.
"Almost getting yourself killed in order to avoid insulting someone who is unsafely waving you across the road is about the most British thing I can think of."
"Why couldn't they just use fluorine? It takes the guesswork out of whether or not it will react with something."
"Loneliness—the kind that doesn't go away in the presence of others. When isolation is the answer to every problem."
"Loneliness—the kind that doesn't go away in the presence of others. When isolation is the answer to every problem."
"There was no WiFi signal when on the desk in front of the window in my room, but after some experiments, I discovered that the signal was quite good on the ceiling of the bathroom."
"They ask you inscrutable questions like where you were born or what high school you went to. You know, things that would be impossible to figure out if you knew someone's name and had access to their email."
Please don't defeat entropy. It would cause a lot of problems.
"This does not interest me whatsoever, however I am extremely pleased to know that it occurred."
Don’t Google “how to insider trade without getting caught” before doing it.
Freedom must be paired with the will to act in order to be useful.
"No way to make shirt into sling big enough for Chompsky, now I am topless and stuck in a hole, please advise."
"No matter what it might be, it's a question that should go unanswered."
"Optimism, pessimism, fuck that; we're going to make it happen."
"Your country's navy is so big that it has its own army, and that army has its own airforce."
Encom'beccing Lineh...Ok, booding dhe kebnel.
"The feeling was very fast, yes, but also elastic. Like we were using big rubber bands to shoot ourselves into the horizon."
"You know, missing the obvious despite that it was right in front of my face, yet able to spout off lots of information regarding incredibly specific topics at a moment’s notice?"
"This was entirely successful at its intended goal; determining what was the worst possible course of action. Unfortunately..."
"Boris Johnson, previously noted for winning The Spectator's competition for the most libelous poem about President Erdogan of Turkey is appointed Foreign Secretary and the first crisis he has to deal with, less than 48 hours after taking office, is a failed coup d'etat against Erdogan?"
Never do more than one illegal thing at a time.
"This guy brake checked me on the M18 northbound and called the police as a result of the bump but was subsequently arrested for drink driving and no insurance."
"Every time a company proudly announces that they 'Rewrote X from the ground up!' all I can hear is 'We replaced all the bugs we knew about with ones we don’t know about!'"
BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING.
Water in your heatshield is a pretty bad thing, as the rapidly boiling water droplets tend to result in your heatshield exploding.
"She looks good for someone who looks like they haven't slept for a couple days."
Reality is not a popularity contest.
"There was a laser printed sign on the door to the lab that said 'IF I CATCH YOU PUTTING DEAD BATTERIES BACK IN STOCK I WILL DRIVE MY CAR OVER YOUR FACE', at least until someone important was visiting, at which point the sign was taken down by someone in middle management."
If you don't give your brain time to catch up with your impulses, you just keep scrolling.
Stop what you are doing if someone is pulling out his phone to film it.
"Whenever I'm about to do something , I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
Some people aren't happy with their problems. They want newer, better problems.
"It's definitely going to work, and it's still a terrible idea."
"Plaintiff has presented an innovative approach to civil rights litigation. However, his claim and especially the relief sought are totally ludicrous."
In our attempt to solve scarcity of objects we have created scarcity of choice.
"Captain Vlad advised the committee that the exploding bits weren't really part of the spaceship at all... any more..."
"The most peril you'd ever get was the odd sheep getting loose, or the vicar's bike tire going flat. And I love that. It's just a casual observation of everyday life, exactly what very young children need to watch and learn from. What does it teach a  kid, that the frickin' postman now rides a goddamn helicopter?! We'll never get these days back, and how terribly sad that is. Ivor would at least have to crash within the first minute nowadays, that's the law."
"...excused the interference of educationalists, sociologists and other pseudo-scientists, which produces eventually a confection of formulae which have no integrity."
"It's OK, we find pens quite exciting too. Well, most of us. Herbie is a spaniel, so he's more excited by squirrels. And trees. And grass. Most things, really, but not pens. Those are for humans, with their opposable thumbs."
"I won't be embarrassed because I'll have a giant tiger. If anyone tries to embarrass me they get eaten by a giant tiger."
Nobody remembers the singer. The song remains.
"At that scale the difference between a child's organs and interior plumbing is NEGLIGIBLE."
"Your electricity is so noisy here."
Symptoms of chronic depression include indecisiveness, problems with concentration, fatigue, lack of self-esteem, and a sense of excessive guilt at all times.
"The marines beat a hasty retreat and went off to find the real Gibraltar. This, locals observed, was easily recognisable because it had a 1,398ft high rock sticking out of it."
It's better to be awake two-thirds of the time than half-awake all the time.
"The mass ratios, fuel efficiencies, and engine thrusts required are in the realm of science fiction but, then, the story is science fiction."
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
A million people can call the mountains a fiction, yet it need not trouble you as you stand atop them.
"Then, assuming you didn’t blow yourself up learning, build a bomb as your masterpiece and mail it to the corporate office of a company who you think could use some buildings ‘sploded as a way to advertise your services."
Back in the day, Native Americans used to intentionally set fire to lakes in order to make them more fertile for growing fish the next season.
"The ultrasonic waves trigger the chip's resonant frequency, unlocking its ROM to receive hex-encrypted commands."
If it's so simple that an idiot could understand it, it's quite possibly the case that you're an idiot and don't understand it.
"I like the term 'expecting', like we're expecting a baby, but it could be a velociraptor."
"I have an ICBM but it is actually a rock and only works if you're within a dozen or so meters from another continent."
There have never been any double-blind placebo trials to test the efficacy of parachutes in preventing death.
Decide what to do, then make it the right decision.
For a word to be spoken, there must be silence. Before, and after.
The ocean weighs 1.45 quintillion tons.
"Comrades! Yesterday we were on the brink of an abyss. Since then we have made a huge step forward!"
If you know an explosion is going to happen in the immediate future, you should probably keep moving away from it up to and until it happens.
"Wait, what? Are all grains grasses? Are all grasses grains? Can I eat my lawn?"
There are more transistors on Earth than there are grains of sand.
"It is my considered opinion, as an experienced PHP developer, that it is a mistake to use PHP for anything."
Sometimes you need someone who bides his time, thinks things through, and makes an informed sacrifice for a tangible goal, not just a Cause.
"It's obviously not a rocket. Rockets are tall things, this was a long thing. Tunnels are long things."
The first human to be killed by a robot was Robert Williams, in 1979.
"Things I hate: Quotes, Irony, and Lists."
"It doesn't help me a lot to know the philosophy of the program, or what it isn't, or how it aims to be an extensible flexible omniscient system for organization of the base atomic units of consciousness of the human race in computable form to capitalize on the synergy of etc. etc. etc...."
Have a rare, incurable disease? Go out and infect as many people as possible; more sick people means more demand for a cure.
The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second-best time is now.
"Yes, we do. Everyone we talk to is going to die. Everyone /you/ talk to is going to die. Everyone dies."
"Men followed him, not due to his leadership, but out of curiosity as to what he would do next."
"WARNING: Torpedoes may run ashore without warning between 08·00—16·00 Hrs, Mon—Fri."
The world is not getting worse, the data is getting better.
The correct way to call a bob is to use the word 'bob' and the correct way to call a single is to use the word 'single'. Too many conductors use words such as 'eargh', 'hu' and 'brruuuggghhhh' etc.
"The power of the jets cleared the snow but also blew away the ballast. This made the track insecure and another unwanted side effect was that the melted snow froze on the rails to form ice. The experiment was judged to be a failure."
"It is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence."
The Strong Lithropic Theory suggests, based on substantial evidence, that the universe's purpose is to create rocks.
"Let’s just ignore that they were saving the whole world from themselves, so that’s totally unimportant MOVING RIGHT ALONG."
"Here is D-Railed. A game where you had to derail a ruby (on rails) by moving it along the tracks. The ruby has no wheels, but moves forward by itself. It made no sense the day after. Don't program at 3 am while half asleep."
"It made no sense the day after. Don't program at 3 am while half asleep."
"No, it's running Linux. Didn't you see the 400 dip switches on the side? (It looks daunting at first but 390 of them are just different ways of setting the first 10.)"
"Kevin here, our renowned saxophonist has been asked to give recitals for the Earls of Derby and Beaconsfield, the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Argyle, the Prince Regent, the British Queen, and many other pubs around Cambridge!"
"Some people said a real pumpkin could not stay up that long without rotting and that it must be artificial. However, subsequent morphological, chemical, and DNA analysis by faculty members and undergraduates confirmed that it was indeed a pumpkin."
"This is the sort of thing that looks so bad it belongs in an art gallery."
"I was gonna give blood today but the people running it were asking way too many personal questions like 'whose blood is this?' and 'where did you get it?'."
"The dude hates traffic so much he tried to build a hyperloop, tunnels, and finally just shot his car into space. I can empathize."
"The fact that she had acquired new clothing was unremarkable and meaningless. But it was another small, necessary moment lived."
"I particularly like the combined bike and bus lane, because what could be better... they just go together so well!"
"We're not even really people, you know? Just...like, trees or something."
"To be fair, it does say 'accessible', not 'safe'."
"He's the most dangerous to everything but the rats. And frankly, I don't know what the hell can kill 4 tons of rats."
"And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it."
"How does one get into the body part renting business? Is there a school? Does one have to get licensed to cut up cadavers or can anyone just buy a body and grab a saw? I have so many questions, and I'm not even sure I want answers."
"Fire blankets and buckets of sand are supposed to work. Or fire extinguishers. I personally haven't ever set my legs on fire, so I have no personal experience."
"When 6 people, who have almost certainly never met each other before, independently claim that all Vietnamese people have fruit powers, it makes you wonder whether it might just be true."
"Many of the technologies used in the craft, such as nuclear fusion and high temperature superconductors, had not yet been discovered."
"Steve, are you telling me that Venus is composed of high density polymerized plastic?"
"I'm going to get married just to experience my wife's death now."
"Your program seems to be working fine, and then it tries to display a string that should say “Hello world,” but instead it prints “#a[5]:3!” or another syntactically correct Perl script."
Even if you fear that your drop-down list should be a radio button, the drop-down list will suffice until tomorrow, when the sun will rise, glorious and vibrant, and inspire you to combine scroll bars and left-clicking in poignant ways that you will commemorate in a sonnet.
If you keep on waiting to be motivated you can be waiting a while.
Don't confuse PR with Physical Reality.
Once something has been in a specific place for longer than a week, it can no longer be moved due to the argument "I know where it is there."
"A careful study revealed that the interval shown was not in fact 'minutes until next bus' as I had mistakenly presumed but instead closely corresponded to 'minutes until this sign updates with a new value.'"
"That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it."
"We have taken steps to prevent recurrence of corned beef sandwiches in future flights."
If you break a pencil in half you get two pencils. If you break a pen in half, you have no pen.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
"So if I come up with something obviously stupid and stick the word 'challenge' behind it, people will just do it?"
"After two or three violent explosions, you or I might be tempted to just say that we couldn’t determine the products of the reaction. But they were made of sterner stuff."
"Someone wants to be able to view as much sensitive and restricted data as possible from home, someone wants a literal 'do my job' button, someone wants their login background to be pink. Usual stuff."
"The Washington State Patrol is investigating a serious mishap at its fire training academy in North Bend. During a training exercise, firefighters mistakenly pumped jet fuel instead of water onto a flaming mock-up of an airplane crash."
Never let a markov chain order drinks for you.
"WHY ARE YOUR HANDS ON BITS OF STRING, CHILD?"
"If you skip step 5, you won't notice anything's amiss until step 11. If you THEN do step 5 everything looks good until step 13 when the whole thing goes pear-shaped."
Some crazy is good, but it’s a fine balancing act. Too much and you just get completely disconnected from reality and end up spouting gibberish.
To see is not to know; and even to know is not to know what to do.
Nothing says "eccentric bajillionaire" like launching your car to Mars.
Hollywood loves taking an idea and milking it until the audience has overdosed on calcium.
Engage brain before handling keyboard.
The iron law of bureaucracy states that for all organizations, most of their activity will be devoted to the perpetuation of the organization, not to the pursuit of its ostensible objective.
"So, it's like the law, but on a small island where the law operates like American football."
"As punishment for 'negligent regicide', you are restricted from any and all explosives for one week."
'Security through obscurity' needs a bit more obscurity than just 'purple'.
Start climbing. Take help when it's given. Make mistakes, fix them.
It's no good wishing for something if you don't try to make it real.
Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure.
Your manuscript should not, as a rule, be hard to distinguish from the work of someone who is beginning to lose their grip on reality.
"The phone application requires the valid pin to operate the safe, and there is a field to supply the pin code in an authorization request. However the safe does not verify the pin code, so an attacker can obtain authorization and unlock the safe using any arbitrary value as the pin code."
The first 30% of any video can be skipped because it contains no worthwhile or interesting information.
"It's like her mind's a poorly-curated wiki."
"I'd be happy to get a COMPLETE squirrel like this, that's to be sure. Most cases they are headless, sometimes it is just a a half squirrel."
"One of my childhood friends had three small scars from falling down the stairs and plugging the hoover into his forehead."
The only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue.
"When you're so rich you can send your car into another planet's orbit using your own space company, that's a whole 'nother level of rich."
Imagine being hit by a flaming ball of molten cheese while walking down the street. Painful.
"We did get some emergency medical training, but it used a coffin lid as the work surface, so expectations weren’t high."
"The kookiness of the prerequisite kooky character has now reached some kind of singularity. Her actions don't seem to have any connection to sentient thought or social context."
"We've already had fifty-nine different applications posted, and every one of the applicants appears to be hugely overqualified thanks to fictional exploits."
"Right now the only person crazy enough to take the job is probably too crazy to be trusted with it."
"Can we plead 'that's not how we did it?'"
"When the cumulative weight of the safes threatened the integrity of N.S.A.’s engineering building, the rules were changed to allow locked file cabinets."
"We're at Alert Level 4, Sergeant. Detrude, protrude, retrude, extrude, I DON'T CARE. Just solve the problem."
"If that's the brain he was using when he threw his epaulet at a tank, I'm not so sure it's okay."
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
"It was literally just a standard western movie where all the characters were inexplicably dinosaurs. I found it very bizarre."
"For all that we know, the video camera isn't even real, and the whole thing is an optical illusion of a still photograph of a bunch of cats taped together."
"Plus the '96 Previa turns 21 this year, which means you're allowed to drink when you drive it."
"Maybe every noun can be verbed, but not every noun is commonly verbed, and I would expect this particular one to cause confusion."
"I'm not an arsonist, but this kinda makes me want to light a railroad trestle on fire so I can watch it do this."
"The only thing you are going to use 300+ horsepower to the rear wheels for is trying to cut down utility poles with your rear quarter panel."
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteor hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed, no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteorite.
What if you picked up a phone and instead of a phone it was bees?
"I tried writing, but then the paper was bees. I'm going to drink a bottle of whiskey and go to bed."
"Well, we know that this is never going to make it past the liver, so let’s see if we can find something for it to do in the liver."
"Corrour's nice, we should come here."
Under certain conditions FOOF can react with Krypton which is not only a noble gas, but Superman's home planet. Best not to mess with it.
"Ah, so your cunning plan is to foil his trap by walking straight into it."
The angier you are, the easier you are to dismiss.
Explain your beliefs as rationally as possible.
Being able to pick the item up is not the only criteria of whether or not something is a sandwich.
"The AI can select a move for its characters, and consistently chooses ones that are completely stupid."
"Damn. This is going to be one of the times when the atmosphere catches fire. I hate it when that happens."
"Honestly, this never happens."
Funny isn't the opposite of serious, it's the opposite of not-funny.
"Originally, we did not appreciate the critical need to cache the absence of files."
Text-based websites should not exceed in size the major works of Russian literature.
William Howard Taft: America's greatest president by volume.
"It was easy to get computers to do adult things but nearly impossible to get them to do things a 1-year-old could do, like hold a ball or identify a cat."
You are not what you write, but what you have read.
"I am just hoping he doesn't kill his parents to become like Batman."
Intentional subcutaneous injection of mercury by mentally healthy children is rare.
If your tech is so superior that you can get away with giant killer robots, the only reason to use them is for sheer intimidation. This means that what you should be building is giant killer robot clowns.
"The point is, when I see giant robots I write them off as 'magic' and then watch them fight. It looks cool when they do that."
"Oh my gosh, I want to wear your skin as a blanket."
"What we need...is a Plan."
Mango juice in a fresh knife wound is very painful.
"Before you say there are 6 sides to a cube, the top and bottom don't count as 'sides'. Not really sure why, but if you don't understand, you're obviously a moron."
Teaching that a Cube has '6 sides' with no top & bottom, induces an evil curse that pervades all academic institutions.
People have an antipodean brain but their ability to use it has been crippled by religion and academia, much like the eyes of the flounder get relocated when it goes through puberty.
"They are the kind of people who decide to refactor your core algorithms to use the Visitor Pattern, which they just read about the night before, and completely misunderstood, and instead of simple loops adding up items in an array you’ve got an AdderVistior class (yes, it’s spelled wrong) and a VisitationArrangingOfficer singleton and none of your code works any more."
"My issue is he ate the damn thing. I know holding a firework tightly can cost you your fingers but by that logic, it should be so much worse to swallow."
Typing some characters quickly should have the same effect as typing them slowly. It’s amazing how many programs fail this test.
It is now illegal to sell grey squirrels, impersonate a traffic warden or offer Air Traffic Control services without a licence. Creating a nuclear explosion was outlawed in 1998.
A person shall not enter the hull of the Titanic without permission from the Secretary of State.
"Even now, after five years of reorganisation for no discernible purpose but to considerable financial cost, no-one can tell you what it accomplishes."
If you intensively investigate *anything*, all kinds of weirdness just bubbles up.
"It's like chaining a person to a cow's tit, telling them they can't eat or drink anything else, and charging them for the milk. Switching to a different irreparable phone is just switching cows."
"Designers may be desperately sad that the new Multipla no longer resembles a psychotic cartoon duck."
The purpose of a traffic sign is not to raise public appreciation and awareness of geometry.
"Futurists tell me that exponential improvement always continues forever. So I'm guessing that by the end of the century SpaceX will have launched the entire mass of the Earth into geostationary orbit."
"They have unlimited money, which they use to pay very bright people to work on boring stuff. There is a reason that this is widely recognised as an HR antipattern."
You're going to be spending a lot of time and energy doing very trivial things in very complicated ways.
"It is a pretty amazing hack. They shouldn't be proud that they need it, but should be proud that they managed to do it."
"When you have that many talented engineers solving mundane problems, you end up with these kind of absurd solutions."
"He just won’t go away, and even if he does go away, he’s just going back into his office to write more of his clever classes constructed entirely from multiple inheritance from templates."
A 50%-good solution that people actually have solves more problems and survives longer than a 99% solution that nobody has.
Shipping is a feature. A really important feature. Your product must have it.
All good advice is obvious. The hard part is taking it.
All good advice is obvious. The hard part is taking it.
"He almost had me convinced this was a normal conversation to have with someone."
"Warning: Do not, under any circumstances, attempt test firing in-atmosphere. Resulted in loss of atmosphere, planetary crust, and the entire star system, contents of waste sacs."
"I think it's more likely that members of the family get their hands chopped off and replaced with the mechanical green thing as part of a very weird family tradition."
Take your pro-truth bias somewhere else!
Car theft in Bermuda is almost nonexistent. Stealing a car on a 24-mile long island is silly.
"Whatever. People are buying his stuff nonetheless. He has a brand in his own right and is doing everything a designer should do. Apart from existing."
"To boost performance, the Infineon library constructs the keys' underlying prime numbers in a way that makes them prone to a process known as factorization."
"He can’t understand how to convince people to believe in...well, facts. How do you convince someone the sky is blue when it’s right there, being all blue?"
"I found the first four posts in this thread in my junk folder. Perhaps there is something in this AI stuff after all."
Right of way is not a magic shield from physics.
public enum State { LOGGED_IN, LOGGED_OUT, YES, TRUE, ARGENTINA, BRAZIL, OREGON }
LOGOUT FAILED. You need to be logged in to log out. Please log in to log out.
Human spleens have been noted to decrease in volume up to 40% when subjected to stimuli from strenuous exercise or hypoxic gas inhalation.
"The real explanation for all the weirdness is that if you intensively investigate *anything*, all kinds of weirdness just bubbles up."
"...nervous about any kind of interpersonal communication so it’s hard to tell which doubts are irrational and which are completely justified."
"Hopefully this doesn't become one of those terribly embarrassing memories that lasts decades despite nobody else remembering it."
"If I could eat all my meals on levitating pillows I wouldn't actually want plates anymore, I would want levitating pillows."
Regardless of the fuse type, a person's head should never be placed in the way of a firework.
"His face disappeared. If someone has no face left, you know it's serious."
"The unintentionally published fake news described the acquisition as 'a surprise move to everyone who is alive' and quoted Google employees as saying 'Yay'."
"My theory is that most humans have been colonized with alien mind-control slugs that hold the earbuds for them, and the ones who can't wear earbuds are the only surviving free ones."
"No, they'll walk off with it on purpose. Because they need a shovel, and don't think to check if it's actually a USB memory stick disguised as a shovel, because that's not a thing."
"Please allow 3-4 months for delivery, as nobody has actually ordered this before and we don't have any."
When you have just tried to brake from 193mph at the end of a very long straight it is not the most propitious time to discover that both front wheels have flown off your car.
When you replace references to "the Force" in Star Wars with "the Plot", the dialogue actually makes more sense.
If you capsize a coracle, don't try to re-enter it on the water. If you can flip it over so it is upside down, a cushion of air on the inside of the boat will cause it to float rather than sink.
If in distress, try to get your coracle into the upside down position and then use the coracle as a drum, banging on it to raise attention.
A birth certificate with a vague account number written on it is not a recognized medium of commercial exchange within Canada.
"The exotic nature of the Moorish Law movement and its claims warrant some comment, as casual exposure to a Moorish Law litigant may lead an observer to suspect mental impairment or disorder."
"He also appears to instruct me and the Bank of Canada to use a secret bank account, with the same number as his social insurance number or birth certificate, to pay all his child and spousal support obligations, and provide him $100 billion in precious metals."
"Apple’s typography guidelines suggest that developers aim for a 7:1 contrast ratio. But what ratio, you might ask, is the text used to state the guideline? It’s 5.5:1"
"Question. If people are riding missiles from city to city, how do we know if that incoming missile is a bomb or a person? We would be making missile defense extremely complicated."
Doing nothing is a highly optimized operation in contemporary processors.
"When the paternity test was negative, the woman explained that her dad’s brain had been transplanted into Kyle’s body."
"It seemed obvious to me that he was not being serious. A man cannot speak so coherently about the scientific method on one page, and then speak about his encounter with a glowing raccoon on the next page."
In an interview with The House magazine to mark the start of the Conservatives’ party conference in Manchester, Ms. May reminisced about past years “when there was much more of an emphasis on people coming together for debates during election campaigns”.
The more trivial the statement, the more intense the disagreement on it.
"The main safety features seem to be 'don't touch the moving bits' and 'don't fall off'."
"Eating crustaceans, you mean. It's not a sin for crustaceans to exist."
Abstraction and indirection are good things, but only as a fallback when the overall design can't be simplified.
The Mayor of London is the third most powerful directly-elected official in Europe.
"Well, it's a LOT more ergodynomic..."
"You'll lose about 25% of the traps to extreme heat when demons explode, but you should have enough to kill off the initial circus wave."
If you see something that no one else can see, it might be you that's wrong and not everyone else.
It is illegal under the Prohibition and Inspections Act of 1998 to cause a nuclear explosion.
General rule: If YOU say you've cracked some long-running puzzle that's baffled experts for decades/centuries, you haven't.
"Is it possible to create a creature that exhales live bees? I know that it's probably not possible, but I really want to see if it can be done. If it is possible, how would I do it?"
"Maybe we can combine these two ideas. Exhale a bunch of dead bees as well as a gas which reanimates creatures, then you breath zombie bees."
"That kind of undersells it. They ran the fortress with minimal dwarves for 230 in-game years to build an army of cave dragons and then built a glass fortress in hell."
All socialist flags are actually just extreme close-ups of the Welsh flag.
"I mean, he burned to death in a high oxygen environment, which is pretty much the opposite of drowning at sea."
"The odds were roughly equivalent to the chance that you may, at some point during your life, die."
"Attached files were transferred to a USB stick as you requested. Delivery of said media in time is unfortunately impossible due to a lack of USB mass storage teleportation capabilities."
Sometimes scientists change their minds. New developments cause a rethink. If this bothers you, consider how much damage is being done to the world by people for whom new developments do not cause a rethink.
Viruses, bacteria, and fungi are all the same organism, just at different pH levels.
"Yes, you have excelled at being the subject of contemptuous and dismissive language."
"College heads remained unworried by the fad, which they recognize as healthier than swallowing goldfish."
Avoid blog-driven development.
Fermat's Last Post: a post to a bug tracker/email list/forum in which the author claims to have found a simple fix or workaround for a bug, but never says what it is and never shows up again to explain it.
If you murder enough people, the homicide rate drops to divide by zero error.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have determined that there is a fire inside all four engines. Please remain calm while we assess the situation."
"I said 'nice day' to the guy beside me and he says 'yep, better than having your guts spread across Texas', which seemed to be a really bizarre thing to say. Of course in the evening I saw the news, and actually it's still a really bizarre thing to say."
"Advertisers will tell you it has to be this way, but in dealing with advertisers you must remember they are professional liars."
If you are exposed to a blood-agent gas, and are able to successfully don a gas mask within 9 seconds, you have a significant chance of surviving.
"Given the choice between blowing up the world and the enemy blowing up the world, it was obvious what to do."
Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question.
While it is legal to shoot bears in Alaska, waking sleeping bears for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
"You're doing that monologue thing in your head again, aren't you?"
"The only reason he survived was because he broke every bone in his face, which allowed for his brain to swell."
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
"It's tempting to say nothing went as planned, but that would assume actual plans had been made."
"In fact, they go as far as to say that the entire process is hard to distinguish from ischemia or head trauma, and advocate caution before any further use of it in human clinical trials."
Never trust your future self. He is a lazy jerk.
For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert, but for every fact there is not necessarily an equal and opposite fact.
"I once proposed research into corrosion of thin-wall aluminum cylinders in the presence of dilute organic solvents, fine particle abrasives, and saline solutions."
No-one inspects the Spanish Exposition!
Unfortunately a lot of things work better as a fiction premise than as business models.
The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster.
A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
There is a difference between spare parts and extra parts.
The best way to win a one-on-one fight is to be the third to arrive.
You know that warning label is there because it's happened before.
You don't need to be rich to impulsively buy top end CPUs - you just need a credit card and lack of good judgement.
"You can tell how radical those guys are by the fact that the vast majority of them are wearing hats indoors."
"I honestly can't think of a single state, province, or militia compound where murder is justified as long as you're shouting obscure and useless video game factoids."
"As the disease worsens, the artist will resort to increasingly ridiculous ways to conceal the fact that he is totally unable to draw feet."
"This is a film about the power of self-expression, and yet it exists to advertise a limited visual language that people don’t have the power to expand upon or customize. It tells kids that they can be whatever they want to be, as long as they want to be something that Apple thought to include in their latest update."
"I feel like that might work, but you run the risk of having wasps eat your subwoofer."
"We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, some type of charge will be filed. If he had a pilot's license, we'd suspend that. But he doesn't."
Nothing means anything anymore. There is no context to anything, nor any significance. There is only the void and the millions upon millions of people shrieking into it about organic cell phones and who's more ironic.
"Despite being around 90% complete, the last 90% still remained to be done, including some key features."
"If I sold ham and you wanted to stitch it into a body suit to wear around the house and would pay two times as much as my customers who wanted to eat it, I would sell you all the ham I could."
Nobody is paying as much attention to you as you think they are.
Outbound traffic from this life is suspended temporarily. Please try not to die while this is being rectified.
Stop ignoring problems before they become bigger problems.
Every picture of you is from when you were younger.
Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
When you receive complete plans for a mythical device only found in children's tales through dreams and you write those plans down on your bedsheets WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP, you should probably not construct that device.
"The Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear device ever detonated, was 57 megatons and only produced ~280dB. The cube at full volume would be like detonating a trillion Tsar Bombas...at once...in your living room."
"I poured my root beer into a square cup and now all I have is beer. Please advise."
If you or your working area are struck with a nerf disc, blow your vuvuzela.
"To answer your question, I have concluded a great many things about the predictability and manipulability of large groups of likeminded people."
"I’m not sure how to debunk this exactly, besides noting that magic is not real and crystals are not an effective treatment for mental health issues."
"As a polyatheist he believes MANY gods don't exist instead of just the one true Nonexistent God."
"What set of life circumstances drives a person to decide they're going to open a business for the express purpose of yanking out people's crotch hair?"
"They can get in line behind the police, the people whose cars we trashed, the Empire of Ob'enn, the Partnership Collective, and the Wormgate Corporation. Oh, and I think maybe some dark matter beasties from Andromeda."
The trouble with Reddit tech subs is you never know whether a particular comment is hipsters, autism, or deadpan humour.
"While terms and conditions are legally binding – it is contrary to public policy to sell children in return for free services, so the clause would not be enforceable in a court of law."
"But the cat would lick the butter off the toast and then chew the toast, thus introducing entropy and ending the experiment."
"It was too early in the morning to be early in the morning."
If you think something is impossible, don't disturb the person who is doing it.
"Suppose you put one end of a wormhole in the inner boathouse, and sailed the boathouseboatboathouseboat into the other end?"
"Now is the time ve reclaim the vorld. Whole vorld of ice. According to inevitability of history and triumph of thermodynamics."
"Now I don't even understand you grammatically, sorry."
"He doesn't misspeak. If he says something, for instance he recently said 'norminal', it is instantly part of the English language."
"Trajectory is norminal."
"Even if they made it up, it probably did happen at some point anyway."
"No damn sense, but weirdly soothing to know that IF my stupid beverage magically blew up the rocket, it won't blow up the next one."
"I would laugh at this buffoon, but some idiot made him foreign secretary."
Terry Pratchett got his first job as a journalist and saw his first corpse four hours later, work experience meaning something in those days.
"My brain operates 9am to noon and 1pm to 4:30pm Monday to Friday excluding public holidays."
"I think you're forgetting the minefield of regional bread based dialects."
"Using the inverse-square law to get a quick estimation, the cube has an instant kill radius of 100,000km. This is distressing because the earth only has a diameter of 12,742km. The quietest place on earth would be ~219dB."
Everything is possible with the power of will, exercise, teamwork, and lithium-ion batteries!
There are 4 calories in each single-serve packet of SPLENDA® No Calorie Sweetener.
Learn to enjoy being wrong. The world might start making more sense.
Nobody seems weirder than somebody who's desperately trying not to be weird.
Stay hydrated. There are so many benefits to staying hydrated. Also, sleep.
People may not want to tell you something, but they sure as hell would love to correct you.
A special feature of the XP-55 was a propeller jettison lever located inside the cockpit.
"Let's just say that I, for one, had no idea that there was a difference between a 'coral tank top', a 'rose camisole' and a 'salmon crop top'. Apparently there is."
"It's a reality show; it's all fake."
"The amount of times I've had to explain that 'the side' is literally any flat surface in our house is pretty astounding."
When you're thinking about buying something you don't necessarily need, imagine the item in one hand and the cash in the other. Which one would you take?
Glasses are a crude human technology. Normally, they are intended to enhance eyesight when the wearer suffers from an optical deficiency. (Humans have not developed a successful method of replacing inefficient optic organs, and their repair techniques are as yet too expensive for common use).
Geometry is non-Euclidean for rotating observers.
A dog on its side is a happy dog indeed.
"Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It’s the other way around."
"It wasn't even really 'cornering'. It was a right hand turn drag race. That's an NHRA event that doesn't exist for a reason."
"My German accent helps in presentations. Funny as it is, but I’ve used it. When I say, “This will work,” it is more convincing than other accents for some reason."
"Since this includes respiration (which produces CO₂) you are basically proposing to kill every higher organism in America."
"All this, I think, tells us two things. One is that David Davis is not a man who is overly burdened with self-doubt. The other is that he probably should be once in a while, because bloody hell, he looks ridiculous."
"The game itself only has the bare minimum requirements necessary to technically be called a game, and even these components are an ugly mess."
2pm – 3pm: Review usability testing results; remove all discovered usability.
"Disclaimer: Commentary has been added to this video for artistic re-enactment purposes only, and is not the actual voice Elon Musk heard in his head."
The time from now until the completion of the project tends to become constant.
"Moderator's Note: This post is locked to prevent inappropriate edits to its content. The post looks exactly as it is supposed to look - there are no problems with its content. Please do not flag it for our attention."
HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide.
You are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all to inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes.
"Look, now he has the hood up taking things apart. Should we tell him the clutch isn't in the engine?"
Not so very long ago, in the top left-hand corner of Wales, there was a railway...
"It wasn't a very long railway, or a very important railway, but it was called the Merioneth and Llantisilly Railway Traction Company Limited, and it was all there was."
"D'you know what I sincerely love most about this, without any sarcasm whatsoever, I promise? It's the fact that NOTHING at all happens. You could argue that the choir on the tracks at the end is an event, but this is Wales."
"So this man is superior to an exit sign AND a ceiling lamp?"
William 'Reddy' Echols attempted to save a building from fire with 45kg of dynamite.
"The large quantities of gourmet mushrooms which pop out from the structure can also be picked and eaten, creating a novel architectural surrounding which doubles as a food source."
"The ultimate in disinformation - tell the truth, no-one expects that!"
"That's not a communications problem, it's a reality problem."
Onset of avocado hand develops suddenly when someone preparing to eat an avocado stabs themselves instead.
"When someone types out 'u' instead of 'you', instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable."
Hazard lights don't give you the right to drive through stationary objects.
"The freedom they celebrate is highly selective: in many cases it means the freedom of the rich to exploit the poor, of corporations to exploit their workers, landlords to exploit their tenants and industry of all kinds to use the planet as its dustbin."
When your lawyer has to hire a lawyer, that's when you know the ship is sinking.
Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.
"He literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel."
"For example: you could visit a shoe store that sells really nice, high-end, top-quality footwear, and you could think to yourself: if an eel owned a car, how the hell would he work the pedals?"
"I think she became quite panicked, and she started bringing me weak penguins, then dead penguins; then she showed me how to eat the penguins - she would offer me partially consumed penguins. She started to take penguins and actually push them into my camera."
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
Avoid looking directly at the Sun.
"Everything, they assure me, is running like clockwork. In my experience, clockwork always rings alarm bells."
"That makes no sense, but it was the 1970s and I don't think they cared about things making sense back then."
"There's no substance here, nor any details, and without a detailed plan this is scarcely more realistic than my newly "proposed" Wave A Magic Wand And Instantly Make Everything Better Initiative. It's fantastic. Everything gets better instantly, you see."
If a statistic looks interesting or unusual it is probably wrong.
It's better to be awake two-thirds of the time than to be half-awake all the time.
Every good sandbox game becomes a general-purpose scripting language.
When people say "clearly <something>", that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know it's not clear at all.
You can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do.
"But they're not the right facts! They're stupid facts!"
There is no feeling quite like a squirrel licking the inside of your ear clean.
If you ever want to hear a lawyer shout expletives at volume down a phone, you need to call him and tell him you have created the first open source crowd-funded cyber-arms acquisition attempt.
There's more to a coherent plan than coming up with a name and randomly capitalizing words.
"Without a decent plan this is scarcely more realistic than my newly 'proposed' Wave A Magic Wand And Instantly Make Everything Better Initiative. It's fantastic. Everything gets better instantly, you see."
The downside to being able to put together an official-sounding petition with zero effort is that anyone can do it, and your petition sits next to those demanding that we build a Death Star or outlaw fidget spinners in sock drawers or whatever other lunacy is in vogue this week.
"There are a lot of really good SF&F novels of about 150 pages being published these days. Unfortunately, most of them are hidden away in fairly mediocre novels of 300-500 pages."
Looking like a slob is highly impractical.
Never assume the problem is complicated when it could be simple.
"I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise."
"Before man reaches the moon, mail will be delivered within hours from New York to California, to Britain, to India or Australia by guided missiles. We stand on the threshold of rocket mail."
"If it makes you feel any better, the vast majority of sex acts and other stuff like this on the internet are made up by bored 14 year olds and have never actually been done by anyone."
Teenagers will do anything for no reason at all.
"At school they were horrified to find he was using his face to turn on light switches. So they gave him a stick."
Flamingoes are very well balanced. You can pose a flamingo cadaver on one leg, and leave it there.
"I have been holding off because I didn't want to offend actual blind people but I realised they won't be reading it anyway."
A petition calling for Sir David Attenborough to change his name to Sir Boaty McBoatface "in the interest of democracy and humour" soon received over 2,000 signatures.
"Please DO NOT turn off the light switch. It also operates the elevator. Thank you."
"I like that I can write a /dev/random entropy source built entirely from Intel marketing names."
"I didn't understand until this moment that I want to throw a swan by the neck at least once in my life."
"It's depressing and fun to sing while drunk. It's a quintessentially British song."
Mountains get big 'cause they have no natural predators.
"They had a VCR brought in with a peanut butter sandwich inside because a kid thought it was hungry."
When you use a mocking voice to present an opposing point, you just sound like a condescending asshat.
"Once the sound of the explosion and aftershock had died down, John Major said, 'I think we had better start again, somewhere else.'"
"The engine rotates with the wheels, and if you want to go in reverse you just keep steering until the front wheels are pointed backwards."
'Lead' rhymes with 'read', but not 'lead' or 'read'.
"Ahh, you see in the UK we use giant pencils to draw the curtains at night."
"I thought it was weird that my handlebars 'clicked' when I jiggled them back and forth while riding down a hill. So I jiggled them more vigorously until my front tire flew off."
"Just remember that the point of language is that I can modify your brain in the way I want it to be modified."
"It's a nice idea, but like other nice ideas it doesn't work well when you add humans."
"I think we need to invest in a fast but low temperature burning spoon to ensure the safety of the dog."
"Enter roundabout and take fourth exit" is typically code for "you've done it all wrong".
"This server is proudly sponsored by the leap second of 2016/2017, and the number 'j'."
The goal of good engineering is not to ask "what if?", but to ask "how do I make this work as well as possible".
"We took advice from experts, who said we would die."
"How did you figure out that frozen bread proximity was a good troubleshooting step?"
To a lot of road users, anyone going slower than them is an idiot and anyone going faster is a maniac.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
"Having a scientific explanation for your sleep paralysis doesn't preclude the existence of demons during the experience. Maybe they don't cause the paralysis, but simply show up during it."
"I mean as long as you don't combine them with fedora, fingerless gloves, wolf t-shirt and leather trench coat then you're good."
Not having an opinion is better than having an uneducated one and defending it to the teeth.
"It was fun until an alligator actually bit the stick I was holding in half. Like I said, we were idiots."
"Oh, right, there’s a great wall of flaming pterodactyls over that ridge, Mark, but I probably should have told you before they singed off all your body hair and gave you second degree burns on your arms."
Our pocket computers talk to the sky! Everything's amazing and for some reason we're all miserable.
In fiction, whatever is interrupted is important.
Lemurs don't jump, they can just go up.
"...because the guide told me to add a </stdio.h> at the end."
"I did try to get all the valve stems lined up as you recommended, but to do so I had to turn the car on its back and, wouldn't you know it, I forgot the roof is made of glass."
"If a girl is awkward and socially inept that makes me feel more comfortable about being awkward and socially inept. Of course then we never talk to each other."
"There's a thin layer of toddler covering every surface of my house."
"Error: password is used by another user."
"When finally he managed to make work the monstrosity he made, actually it was quite curious. Not really useful at all, but..."
"It multiplied the box office earnings by the distance between Sydney and Brisbane, gave the answer in an amalgamation of currency and distance, and, for good measure, it assumed the answer was an area so it squared those units. Makes perfect sense."
If an empty QString is split, the returned QStringList is non-empty.
"You are responsible for that website! If you don't delete that, i will report it to police! Your moderators just offend me by direct massage!"
"I am beginning to think Jaguars were fitted with mice as a factory option."
"So it turns out RVC's plan is actually a little more tactically sound than setting himself on fire. Good job."
"Ironically, you misspelled misspelled."
"Precedent is on your side. They say they can always kill you *after* you've seen the king."
You need to have more experiences so that you have more things to talk about.
"Your problems are utterly alien to me. It's like a bear complaining to a shark that its knees hurt."
"Recent evidence, however, suggests that a protective layer or 'soul husk' surrounding the actual soul is the part of the kitten absorbed into the bloodstream that inspires euphoria."
"`false` or `0` would make a modicum of sense. That's why it returns `true`."
"Like firing a hard-boiled egg at a rubber sheet and expecting it to bounce."
"I trust you have an infinitely powerful computer to handle the infinite layers of internal abstraction needed for the infinite extendability."
"No, because python scripting will make it infinitely extensible with no additional complexity."
"Maybe. But the things themselves are all right. So who cares?"
"I declare this thing open, whatever it is."
Mountain Goats: the fridge magnets of the animal kingdom.
Bobcats are very finely balanced. To maintain this integrity, each Bobcat is assembled at a special location which is directly above the center of Earth's gravity.
Never call something "indestructible", "unbreakable", "shatterproof", "everlasting", etc. It's seen as a challenge, and you will be proven wrong.
A website viewed on a desktop should not have a hamburger menu.
Once you start simulating one thing then you suddenly need to simulate other things, which requires still other things, and pretty soon you’re coding some sort of time-devouring boondoggle when all you wanted was to write a few simple rules.
"Good opportunity for advancement, as senior staff and managers regularly quit or are fired."
Wine is not an investment if you drink it as soon as you buy it.
"They're turning on him because he hasn't built the wall and killed all the muslims yet. That doesn't give me much hope."
When life gives you sardine cans, eat sardines.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
The Vatican City has promised never to develop cluster weapons.
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering.
Engineering schools weigh the most, but catholic schools have the most mass.
Irony is never funny when it happens to you.
"No, roasting chicken in your clothes dryer causes geckos. What are they teaching you in school?"
"It's just science: techno-minimalist aesthetics make professional workloads go faster; anatomically improbable chainmail bikini babes and/or giant death robots make games go faster. How can anyone doubt this?"
"I sorta feel like when we're discussing wobbly fire animated windows rendered superimposed on top of a cube that is also an animated aquarium that efficiency isn't really all that much of a factor."
It's always easier to think things through after you've done them once.
Critics maintain that it is unclear how Time Cube relates to any accepted concept of time, and that it is impossible to disprove it in a meaningful way due to the lack of testable hypotheses.
"If you drive somewhere it takes time. That time the time zones. Someone drove for an hour and went this is one hour ahead."
"...that running around thing in black clothes with lots of wires that techy people like doing."
"They were like, okay. We can afford a hat. We can put that on our expenses."
"I said some things on the stage that I thought were coherent, but were actually just syllables."
It is somewhat of a sorry state of campus-politics affairs when somebody with the prefix “Mad Cap’n” to their name enters a presidential race and the public response is "finally, a candidate we can identify with."
"As the maintainer of this piece of software, I have a very important question to ask: WHAT THE ACTUAL *^*&%&W*?"
KDE bug 379093 in Spectacle (General) "Spectacle logs user out of the system when user clicks Export image > Share > Save as"
"So, it's kinda dumb on a superficial level - but it's also outrageously dumb on every other level."
"Like, if you sit there and think about it, it makes no sense. Whales?"
"45 was also considered, as were some frankly hilarious ideas that made me worry about my own sanity and that of my fellow contributors."
"It's like there's this whole stupid idiotic world of garbage juice products out there that we're getting a glimpse of. We're about to cross some kind of stupid juice machine event horizon."
It takes only one talking pig to prove that pigs can talk.
Case studies have a sample size of one and no control group.
"I'm not performing any experiments on myself without a control group."
"This is everything wrong about Silicon Valley in one note. A sort of unique sense of out of touch that makes people who ship chopped vegetables at 4000% markup think they are changing the world because of a nice looking app. And then they feel appalled that real people don't see it that way."
English - the PHP of spoken languages.
"How am I meant to run in these marrowy clogs?!"
You know it's low budget when mission control is a Winnebago.
"He was something else, Abbott. Not something good, but something."
"Usually they are wrong either in details or in spirit, or in details *and* in spirit, but this time, I was just plain wrong. Like strawberry pizza. Or jalapeño bagels. WRONG."
"We add water to calcium carbide inside a pumpkin to create acetylene gas, which we ignite with a Tesla coil."
"Broccoli is known to have high iron content and this is physically preventing the dog from being able to eat it. The poor thing's head is being repelled by the magnetic force of the broccoli."
"Amsterdam, Netherlands – Hackers from the LinuxOnAnything.nl Web site successfully installed Linux on a potato. It's the first time the operating system has been successfully installed on a root vegetable."
Mountains get big 'cause they have no natural predators.
"People didn't know what to do next, so they were trying to do everything."
"I cannot begin to convey to you what an awful movie this is. It is awful on a level that I did not know it was legal to make."
"Then enthusiasts point out that with selective breeding the size of (almost) confirmed flea-sized elephants can be increased."
"Some of us are killed, but all of us are called Zem, so we never know which and globbering is thus kept to a minimum."
"It's like driving a Japanese toilet but not as satisfying."
"There are so many buttons everywhere! Covered with vague indecipherable icons. It's like driving a Japanese toilet but not as satisfying."
"An Outside Context Problem was the sort of thing most civilisations encountered just once, and which they tended to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encountered a full stop."
"If you're talking about the melting ghost-babies? Yes, PLEASE no more of that..."
The problem with the world is that all the idiots are full of confidence, and all the geniuses are full of doubts.
"Lardner asserted that if a train's brakes were to fail in the tunnel, it would accelerate to over 120 mph (190 km/h), at which speed the train would break up and kill the passengers. Brunel pointed out that Lardner's calculations totally disregarded air-resistance and friction."
"If the Twilight Barking is the dogs' network nightly news, I think my dachshunds must be more like cable news: all-day repetitive yapping about nothing much."
There's a big difference between being sorry and being sorry you got caught.
What kind of it, if even ever, do you?
"He compounded this by going on to remark that one of the earrings was "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long." Ratner's comments have become textbook examples of why chief executives should choose their words carefully."
"He told the guys who run PAX that he knew people who could kick them out of PAX. They promptly banned him from PAX."
"United Airlines, putting the hospital into hospitality."
"I plugged it into my computer. It did nothing. I don't know what I expected."
"...wait a fortnight for it to arrive by next-day secure courier shipping..."
"I wish we could use this organ to accompany singers like Justin Bieber or Rihanna, so that we wouldn't have to hear them."
A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.
"A work of titanic silliness...the worst book I have read on language and perhaps on anything."
If you parse HTML with regex you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all to inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes.
Using regex as a tool to process HTML establishes a breach between this world and the dread realm of c͒ͪo͛ͫrrupt entities.
There are people that will tell you that Regular Expressions shouldn't be recursive. They are limiting you. They need to subjugate you, and they do it by keeping you in ignorance.
"It's like a scene from one of those apocalyptic medieval paintings that depicts what would happen if Galactus arrived: people are tumbling into fiery crevasses and lamenting various lamentable things and hanging from playground equipment that would not pass OSHA safety checks."
"I don't need a reason. It could be done, so I have done it."
The universe tends toward maximum irony. Don't push it.
"The battery in my battery tester is dying. That's either irony or nickely--I forget how these things work."
"I don't know what's weirder - that you're fighting a stuffed animal, or that you seem to be losing."
Eat decently and drink water. It's so easy to get into bad habits until they catch up with you.
PHP isn't so much a language as a random collection of arbitrary stuff, a virtual explosion at the keyword and function factory.
Deny everything. Even if nobody believes the denial, it is still useful to cloud the issue and distract people from the facts.
"Arch, but with security updates delayed by weeks so we can hack together auto-update scripts" is not a release model.
"You missed the television attempting to use small pigs to predict the election. It turns out that small pigs aren't a useful election-predicting tool, and that anything that might be construed as useful would be illegal anyway."
This laptop contains 56% zeros, 44% ones. This is 110% of the recommended allowance. Ones and zeros are known to cause cancer in the state of California. Please use in moderation.
"We actually have mostly-working wall impact mitigation now - i.e. it detects the wall about a second too late to avoid hitting it anyway."
Procrastinate now, panic later.
"It got most of the way through being built before someone realised it needed four dimensions to be assembled as planned."
The spark-gap is mightier than the pen.
"I never back out of anything, the beeping noise irritates me."
"I don't think you should be allowed to kill someone for having a slower reference frame."
"In some ways, the results looked like the world's largest team-battle game of MS Paint."
"But: at least if this was in the kernel they could go shoot themselves in the foot with a properly built gun, instead of their distro handing them a 3D-printed one made out of spaghetti."
"So British cars are great. But they are not, under any circumstances, reliable."
"The downside of all this implicit-object-reference in Python is that making things their own grandparent is too easy."
"Around this time the renaming seems to have been renamed, and checkin comments often refer to the 'Grand Renaming'."
Code is read much more often than it is written.
"Well, the satellite WAS launched. Just in several directions at once. Many of which were the wrong ones."
Don't try to use the Internet as part of your brain.
In the future, subs can be operated by a crew of four but run on whatever powered Tron’s light cycles.
"You know where the petty cash is. Usually you're the only one that does."
"I'm just gonna sit here and bask in that joke."
"Every time I hold a hammer, everything looks like a screw."
"I realized that if people could be so stupid about something I knew about, then they must also be saying stupid things about things I don't."
Add triethylamine and boric acid to your Chan-Lam reactions, and they will be much happier, and so will you.
Unfortunately, parsing all the strings with all the parsers as a general operating principle turns out to have negative security implications.
"It sure is convenient for all zero people who know about the feature, but less so for the rest of us."
When features are added to a system, they become potential weaknesses.
"It's like choosing bottles of nitroglycerine for juggling - the inevitable explosion will be your fault."
"We didn't plan for F9 to have a reusable upper stage, but it might be fun to try a hail mary anyways. What's the worst that could happen? It blows up? It blows up anyway."
"It might be fun to try like a hail Mary and, yeah - what's the worst thing that could happen, it blows up? It blows up anyway."
"Then we should download all the websites into our modems and print them out before the law goes into effect."
Caching is not the solution to all problems.
"I design a new enemy to showcase the new physics capabilities. I also test the limits of awkwardness and social norms by narrating gameplay footage in a dorm room full of people studying."
"I spawn a worker thread, sprinkle some locks all over the place, et voilà! It's multithreaded. It gains perhaps a few milliseconds before the main thread hits an unforeseen mystical code path and the menu somehow manages to acquire a lock on the physics data."
"I was reduced to hysterics, alone in my kitchen, with only a bemused stray cat as a witness to my own complete and total idiocy."
If you think a singleton is not a global, you're just lying to yourself.
When in doubt, tell the truth. It will amaze your friends and confound your enemies.
"Eventually my computer turned into a white-hot ball of wasted electricity and burrowed into the center of the earth, and I humbly went back to Debian."
As long as you accept that you're always going to be doing it wrong, that there's always a newer library, and that your code will never scale infinitely on the first try, you'll find that you can succeed and remain gelatinous.
Data does not equal information, and information does not equal understanding.
"I was a little surprised to see The Matrix with so many answers on this question, as I can’t say that I personally have ever fought off evil agents in bullet time."
Planning is that thing when you look into the future and know what's going to happen before it does.
"Captain Vlad advised the committee that the exploding bits weren't really part of the spaaaceship at all... any more..."
Brake fluid low. Discontinue!
The burden of choosing correctness over speed should not be placed upon the programmer; there should be only one function.
"Wait...we have users?"
"Senator Flake then asked Gorsuch if he would rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-size duck, to which Gorsuch avoided giving a firm answer."
"Logging on gives you a page full of little hand grenades: impossible-to-understand, context-free sentences that take five minutes of research to unravel and which then turn out to be stupid, irrelevant, or pertaining to the television series Battlestar Galactica."
"The more people you added to that team, the more likely they would be to have one real grump who thought it was unprofessional and immature to write 'Most things actually work' on your website."
"But the thumbwheel makes you feel like you’re in control. People like to feel in control. It makes people happy to feel in control."
"You can’t afford to be number two, or to have a 'good enough' product. It has to be remarkably good, by which I mean, so good that people remark about it."
Have you considered...NOT making stupid decisions?
"When you increase the current even further, the power dissipation becomes too large, and the diode eventually becomes a LED (light-emitting diode) and shortly afterwards a SED (smoke-emitting diode)."
By default, microtime() returns a string in the form "msec sec".
Students are a bit like fairytale monsters. They swarm out of the shadows at dusk, make unearthly screeching noises outside your window, and vanish again before dawn.
"This approach works better if we denature after the co-precipitation. When we denature before precipitating, we can pull down some landing gear with the landing gear antibody, but don’t reliably co-precipitate the wings, let alone any of the passengers."
"For one thing, acetone boils at 56, so how you get it to 65 is a real stumper."
"That sounds like an excellent way to make a bunch of hot polymerized gunk. For one thing, acetone boils at 56, so how you get it to 65 is a real stumper."
"Ethics aside, why did that doctor choose to demonstrate the transplant with a banana?"
"I don't know how medically accurate that is, that's just what he tried to demonstrate with the banana."
"This seems less like a genuine experimental treatment based on scientific evidence and more of an idea an irresponsibly drunk MacGyver would come up with."
"The artist made a small error. Despite the fact that the person is illustrated having a spine, it is supposed to be Donald Trump."
First, download the internet.
Mr Page and Mr Brin realised that if they could find a way to analyse all the links on the nascent world wide web, they could rank the credibility of each web page in any given subject. To do this, they first had to download the entire internet.
"To do this, they first had to download the entire internet. This caused some consternation."
"In a distant and second-hand set of dimensions; in an astral plane that was never meant to fly..."
Like cheap Android phones, cats do not receive upgrades from their OEM.
"Although evidently able in certain fields, Johnson is notorious for his complete inability to produce anything according to specification or common sense."
"We have a bathroom, en suite, and a fully-working door."
"If you took all the rivets in this bridge, and laid them out end to end, it would fall apart."
"In the name of the Kerbulan Empire, I command you to surrend-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"I have a dream, a most brilliant one! To outsource old age!"
Everything will be alright in the end. And if it is not alright, then it is not yet the end.
"When I say 'small injection', I mean small in the sense of medium-sized."
The biologist-holding-a-pipet shot is third in the pantheon of Cheap Scientific Shorthand images. Just ahead of it is Peering Insightfully Into the Microscope, and at number one is Looking at a Raised Erlenmeyer With A Thoughtful Expression.
Mythological rulers are more appealing, more effective, and ultimately more cost effective for all.
Actual politics is quite boring and will not satisfy the current generations of television and internet-saturated entertainment consumers.
"Now, would you like me to not fix that chair? Because I could almost certainly do that as well."
"Rooms have doors. What you're showing me here is an alcove."
"The nerve-racking thing about science is that we really do prove things. And sometimes we prove ourselves wrong..."
The secret of success is knowing what you can afford not to worry about.
"Aw, that’s not a very good nickname. What if you do get defeated? Staal the Not-Quite-So-Undefeated-Anymore-But-Nevermind?"
"London isn’t abandoned because of some otherworldly conspiracy. The residents are just sick of alien invasions every year."
Remove cat before flight.
If you wait until it's obvious what to do, it's too late.
"All my mates were coming out as gay, so I thought, hey I'll try that. Unfortunately, it transpired that I am very, very heterosexual."
"A group of people killed a sheep, undressed and chained themselves together. The motive behind the demonstration was unclear, officials said."
Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails to Poison the Angels in Heaven?
"Which one of these options will allow me to sleep *faster*?"
"All passengers must be able to fit within this cage to be allowed boarding."
"It could be a very sophisticated psychology experiment where he will resurface in a few weeks' time with an apparently female name, and the goal is to measure kernel developers' response to idiots, and whether it is influenced by gender."
Have you considered not taking the internet so seriously?
Nobody opens an issue or a pull request when they’re satisfied with your work.
A computer nerd is somebody who uses a computer in order to use a computer.
"Imagine you have a duck. Imagine you have a wall. Now imagine you throw the duck with a lot of force against a wall. Duck typing means that the duck hitting the wall quacks like a duck would."
"I don't think it's ridiculous but I also keep an emergency set of neon clothes, colored hair gel, and roller blades in case Matthew Lillard and Angelina Jolie ever need my help."
The hard shoulder of the M25 is probably not the best place to start preparing your dinner.
"One of my ringbinders was full, so I bought another one. Now I have two full ringbinders."
"Hotter than toast, not as hot as the surface of the sun in the middle of the afternoon."
"And by 'never been hacked in 15 years' they really mean they have no log analysis or intrusion detection."
"Wow, there are so many things wrong here. The lack of https is just one. How about the unhandled null exception, or the fact that I know this because they've turned on detailed debugging on a production server."
Remember: there is always another way; usually a better one.
"I don’t know whether I like it, but it is what I meant."
Portability is for people who cannot write new programs.
You know you're brilliant, but maybe you'd like to understand what you did 2 weeks from now.
custom shell scripts. everywhere. all running as root.
Prepare for the YoLD!
What use is a car if it doesn't take you anywhere or contain peanut butter?
'Impossible' is just a word that makes people feel better when they quit.
"As a man with a lathe, my world is getting rounder."
A mandolin player spends half the time tuning, and the other half playing out of tune.
Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
"We kill everyone. Not an original plan, I admit, but tried and tested."
Changing things merely so that you can claim you've optimized them is silly.
Just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true.
Not many people get into nuclear physics whilst at the same time being stupid enough to do it in their house.
"The flags are waving, the fox banners are hanging, a weird big picture of Craig Shakespeare holding a rabid dog on a leash  has been unfurled at one end."
"It's possible that giving blue whales massive electrical shocks isn't as good an idea as it sounded at first."
"Wonderfully and deeply useless."
<ma5ter> You electronics, and do not know about the psy-technologies do not tell me, because most of the civilized countries in the world possess the technology and the progress is very obvious.
"I love old things. They make me feel sad."
"Also, it can boil an egg at 30 paces, whether you want it to or not, actually, so I've learned to stay away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow."
What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far—which, given your present circumstances, seems more likely—consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.
"The usual thing where you hold your shield behind you, as a counterweight, and go 'ting ting ting ting'."
"That's pretty cool, but it won't give us enough force to actually behead stuff."
Peace without justice is tyranny.
"Some, like the UK, use the high-beam flash to say 'I'm here, and I'm staying here, making way for you. Please come on.' Others, as we discovered in some narrow alpine roads, use it to mean 'I'm here, and I'm coming through: make way!' This subtle difference in meaning can result in delightfully comic encounters beside thousand-foot cliffs."
"The more extreme example we have is 'Francis' who goes by 'Bob'. This is a issue when trying to look up the correct name in Outlook."
"KDE provides a nice middle-ground where I can accomplish what I want without using a 'configuration file' written in a Turing-complete programming language."
"If you don’t like the vehicle, it’s probably because you are not 'a sophisticated, single, 30-50 year old active female with two children and a vibrant lifestyle.'"
"The messages will be sent to me at a speed of 78rpm. This is much faster than ordinary email (and mobile phones) which only work at 33 1/3rpm."
The more levels an organisation has, the less any given thing is anyone's problem.
"Oh, just hit both shift keys to change over to QWERTY. CapsLock is Control. And spacebar is CapsLock. And two-finger scroll moves through time instead of space..."
"The company conducted tests on the mixed ammonium-nitrate-sulfate salt, and found that it was actually insensitive to detonation. So for the next few years, they broke up the pile, when needed, with dynamite."
"Indeed, breaking up a big solid mass of pure ammonium nitrate with dynamite would be a terrible idea, the sort which would only be done once."
"It worked fine – until it didn’t."
"It worked fine – until it didn’t. And then it really didn’t work."
Just because something’s been done that way for years does not mean that it’s safe.
"It throws a virtual exception, which itself is a method of an object of a new subclass of the generic superclass. In line with the best data-hiding principles, there is no way to intercept this exception."
"You exhibit a weird mixture of snobbery and incompetence. How odd."
"Oh, some of the priests said you got given marks afterward, but what was the point of that?"
More games—perhaps every single game?—should feature cat tokens.
"Blackpool Tramway hits 5 million passengers. You would have thought that after 4 million the drivers would have been told that they were not supposed to hit the passengers."
"After docking with the klaw, the camera flies away violently and then everything explodes."
"Features aimed at very different groups of users (like wedding planners, book clubs, or dogs) will be much harder to get upstreamed."
Pitchforks have notoriously unreliable safety catches.
"I am looking for a definitive answer about how robots can travel in time. After more than fifty viewings of Terminator 2, I can conclude that this film is purely fictional and unhelpful. Does anyone know where else to look?"
"How is it POSSIBLE that this could surprise ANY of you people?"
Few things are more annoying than searching list archives for a problem to discover that, apparently, lots of other people have had the same problem, and then they all died.
"FOSDEM is free. Not just free as in software but free as in beer, though this being Belgium the beer is not free."
"They were even more proud of the core router and server setup ("this is a lot better than last year's, because it's not balancing on chairs")."
"This is a lot better than last year's, because it's not balancing on chairs."
"There is a mouse on the plane. We must all get off."
"Some services are suffering from delays because of the wrong type of leaves on the track (the trees are still attached to them)."
It becomes normal if you keep doing it. Everything does.
"We’ve developed a chemical which allows us to rapidly freeze live animal tissue without it exploding and, fingers crossed, we’re ready for human testing."
"The company wants to cryonically freeze him. Just for a year to see if it’s possible. We think it is."
"She successfully managed to accomplish the exact opposite of her goal."
If you don't inspire people to do impossible things, they'll settle for the possible.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
"By this time, though, I would have just as soon stabbed myself in the eyeball with a fork. It would save time and hurt less."
Anything that relies on stringifying pointers for normal operation is perhaps not a good idea.
The ideal is represented by the do_what_I_mean() function, where misuse means the implementation has a bug.
People only read instructions after they've already tied themselves into a knot. Then they skim them for keywords and don't read your warnings.
The concept of "the" implementation is always problematic, and when the implementation is tightened or fixed we discover we didn't actually get it right, we just got it working.
"It has the engine from a Toyota Camry, and it's British so it might catch on fire at any time."
"You do know that you don't need to transcribe your accent?"
If you're going to be weird, at least be confident about it.
"Basically take a telephone pole made of tungsten, and drop it from orbit onto something you wish didn't exist."
If you wait until a product is perfect before releasing, that product will never be released.
"...not affiliated in any way with Starbucks Corporation. We are simply using their name and logo for marketing purposes."
"For legal reasons, our coffee shop is an art gallery and the coffee you're buying is art."
There are only a small number of real people in the world, and the many people you meet are merely duplicates.
THE INGREDIENTS of Virol are: malt extract, refined beef fat, maltose, sugar, malto-dextrins, glucose, fructose, egg, orange juice, salt, flavourings, phosphoric acid, calcium phosphate, iron phosphate, sodium iodide, and added vitamins.
"I’ll believe it when Steve Jobs pulls it from his jeans pocket at a keynote and pronounces it incredible."
"Your first reaction shouldn't be to analyze the very last thing they did leading up to it and decide you can avoid making that mistake yourself. Nor should you interview the people who make it to the end and ask them for their detailed advice on safer techniques for maintaining a grip on the chainsaws while sliding through the turns."
So many programming problems are like "I switched from a carriage to a motor car but now I keep running over my horse."
An error on the side of caution is still an error.
"When you talk about the job experience you'll give me, why do you pronounce 'job' with a long 'o'?"
If it doesn't exist on the Internet, it must be created.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
"When you observe one of the inevitable impromptu flaming-amputation-splenectomies, your first reaction shouldn't be to analyze the very last thing they did leading up to it and decide you can avoid making that mistake yourself."
"You want to get from point A to point B. You see people running a three-legged race from A to B, via an icy road, wearing one roller blade and one ice skate, while pair-juggling three chainsaws with exposed wires and no blade guards, powered by hypergolic rocket fuel and plutonium."
The problem is that there are a lot of people who make sense, but contradict each other.
"If you ever need to defeat me, just give me two very similar options and unlimited Internet access."
"Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"
"I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
Just because you can do something does not mean you should do that thing.
Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
Any reasonable person presented with The Truth will agree with it so, by definition, any debate or resistance must be unreasonable.
You can't use sizeof() on a structure whose elements haven't been defined, and if you do, demons may fly out of your nose.
"Permissible undefined behavior ranges from ignoring the situation completely with unpredictable results, to having demons fly out of your nose."
"The algorithm fathoms in a synergetic manner globally, and an antagonistic depth quest locally."
Houyhnhnm: n : one of a race of intelligent horses who ruled the Yahoos in a novel by Jonathan Swift.
If you make a packing list before you go on a trip, review and edit the list when you return from your trip then save it. Over time, you'll be able to pack more efficiently.
Cats do not abide by the laws of physics.
"I raise my mug of tea to you!"
"People used to say, 'ooh, what's Oliver on, with all of these weird ideas?' And we used to say, 'he's on cups of tea and biscuits.'"
"I'll stick with the specific level of pedantry that makes me right, thankyouverymuch."
"My shell scripts also take 5 to 10 minutes real-time to compile on a large compile cluster. Why am I compiling shell scripts? Good question!"
"If (A is a cheese sandwich) and (B has more than 20% protein), add 4% to C's protein content."
A slug has a mass of 32.174049 lbm. A pound-force is the amount of force required to accelerate a slug at a rate of 1 ft/s².
"The spec actually says neither. It is vague on this topic, but vague in a hyper-detailed fashion, which is typical of Khronos specs."
"In the old days, Callaway said, Red Hat made Red Hat Linux, entirely in-house. What the company didn't make was any money; sales of hats generated more profit than sales of Red Hat box sets, which apparently were sold at a loss."
"Thank god we stopped writing software in the 90s. Pretty soon we'll have all the bugs out."
Clarity is better than cleverness.
"He’d probably have ordered Turing to construct such a device instantly and deep fried all his food from then on."
If your failure mode is "explode and start a fire", you're doing it wrong.
"So it turns out there's a built-in hardware profiling tool in the AMD Radeon Pro WX 7100. When your application hits a high dynamic load, the components start squealing."
What flavour do you think clouds are?
"Also featuring a horrific god-like creature made out of the Google founders and a time-travelling hypersonic sorceror version of Steve Jobs."
"The bit where they collapse all time and space into a singularity and fuse together into meta-organisms might be too far."
"I guess that is what happens if you stand on the shoulders of other people then turn around and kick them in the face, you end up in midair suspended by nothing but the hot air you are producing, which always runs out in the end."
Since little or nothing is known about the principles involved in magneto-reluctance, diagnosing faults can be a problem.
You will be directed to perform a series of tests that will raise the billable hours for the Service Dept. but perform no other useful function.
"It does technically work, but there is no circumstance in which I could ever see myself using it."
You understand kids aren't science kits, right?
"No safeguards will keep the button from emptying your bank account if it gets stuck down or your cat decides to paw at it. Use it at your own risk, and don’t complain to me about it."
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
There is no problem so complicated that you can’t find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right.
"The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I’d written both of them."
We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
"Debian does not update WebKit as a matter of policy. The latest release, Debian 8.7, is still shipping WebKitGTK+ 2.6.2. I count 184 known vulnerabilities affecting it."
Nothing in IT is completely safe, aside tossing your system in an industrial shredder, and then tossing the fragments in a blast furnace and tossing the blast furnace into the sun, and then tossing the sun into a black hole.
Good design is a design that can be changed.
"Instead of asking one person if the ad was effective 70 times, we should have asked 70 people one time. This left us susceptible to what statisticians call 'correlated errors'."
"We spent so much time selecting the right potato for the ad that we never stopped to question whether a potato would convey the essential brand experience."
"After extensive analysis here at Ars, we think the main problem with the ad is that it doesn't mention Cards Against Humanity at all. Further, most people are unlikely to associate either a potato or the word 'ADVERTISEMENT' with Cards Against Humanity."
"If you keep toothing the bouncy, I can't throw it because it will still be in your face."
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'
"Oh, and some stuff to manage website content, except no-one knows how to use it so the website hasn't been updated for three years."
"Asking that kind of question often enough to have a single-purpose script to answer them is a bit silly."
Why do people insist on modding frustrating things from games into different games?
"I misread that as 'Tom Clancy's loving descriptions of really big machine guns', but it's pretty much as correct either way."
Specs don't tell you whether you can push the keyboard through the bottom of the laptop.
"There’s no way I could have known he would soon shove me off of a cliff made of despair and shattered puppies."
"His own hands to use, not the hands of others to command."
The S in 'IoT' stands for 'security'.
You might be right, you might be wrong, but you do have to choose.
You might be right, you might be wrong, but you do have to choose.
"How can I acquire this power? I could tell people my name, make some reference to being the king of the Internet or something, and then people will look at me with awe!"
"We need a special office of what-on-earth-does-this-guy-mean experts."
"If I showed up at a stranger’s house, and he had four bathtubs perfectly set up for me and my three friends, I would leave immediately."
Insult people by confusing them about whether they just were insulted or not.
"You were confronted with the problem of removing dead octopus smell from a kayak, and you found the one goddamn individual on the internet who has experience with the issue."
We all have 4D freezers. That's why we don't buy everything we'll ever need at once. We have to spread it out over time or it won't fit.
Google Cardboard Plastic - a transparent box that you strap to your face to enable Actual Reality.
"It is a world ruled by Mad Science! Things happen. Usually, they happen to other people. This is entertainment."
Spaghetti is an excellent model for understanding the World Wide Web, and web applications should mimic their medium.
Fortunately for computer science, the supply of curly braces and angle brackets remains high.
"Jacquard's loom wasn't concurrent? It was pretty thoroughly multithreaded, I'd have thought..."
"1940s - Various 'computers' are 'programmed' using direct wiring and switches. Engineers do this in order to avoid the tabs vs spaces debate."
"It's just a rock; they don't do much. What functionality were you hoping to gain with the addition of the USB cord?"
"It's just a rock; they don't do much. What functionality were you hoping to gain with the addition of the USB cord? If you want to save money, go outside and find a wireless version."
A long-standing criticism of libinput is its touchpad acceleration code, oscillating somewhere between "terrible", "this is bad and you should feel bad" and "I can't complain because I keep missing the bloody send button".
"Convincing skeptical businessmen to buy into the plan proved more of a challenge - it took six months to persuade suspicious taqueria owners to switch to a salsa with lower magnetic permittivity."
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Get some sleep. Humans need sleep.
"When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel...well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course."
"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
There is no correlation between the time taken for a software project and its final quality.
"It is more difficult to plug a USB port into the mains without someone asking you what the hell you're doing."
Make mischief easy, and it's irresistible to idiots.
"It’s almost a game. How many things will the writers cram into one episode to hastily solve the plot?"
"Infinite high fives to Russell T Davies for figuring out how to do an episode about being kidnapped to the moon."
"I mean rhinos from space! And we’re on the moon! Great big space rhinos, with guns, on the moon! And I only came in for my bunions! Look, they’re all fixed now, perfectly good treatment, the nurses were lovely, I said to my wife, I said, I recommend this place to anyone. But then we end up on the moon! And…did I mention the rhinos?"
"They thought you could see life through books but you couldn't, the reason being that the words got in the way."
Only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air.
"I can see WHAT it is, but WHY is it?"
"Mind you, when I say 'the great and the good,' what I mean is the rich."
“Tea. While we’re waiting for the world to come to an end. Very British.”
"All the lads tried it and they all went 'yuck' and then they all wanted some more."
HyperCard was created by Bill Atkinson following an LSD trip.
"You say that, but my teddy bear keeps interrupting my technical problems to tell me to murder more people. It’s very distracting."
"Leave the duck at home, put on a phone headset and talk to the duck's voicemail."
NULL-- is NULL. NULL++ is 1. 1-- is 0.
"PHP Catchable fatal error:  Argument 1 passed to foo() must be an instance of string, string given."
Settings should be decisions, not arbitrary checkboxes.
"I have an SUV and sometimes the smaller alligators will want to climb over the seats and try to make their way to the front to help me drive, so it's me and the alligator waving at people going down the freeways."
"The key to this paradox is that CO2 is dissolved in alkali is no longer CO2. The alkali detoxifies the CO2 while destabilizing bad DNA tautomers."
"Why don't you just cast a spell and make the mountain turn into a giant bowl of PUDDING or something?"
"There, I did it. That didn’t take seven thousand words."
"I can see right through your disguise - it's not hard, it only covers your eyes..."
A lot of technology only gets off the ground because people are willing to use it even when it makes little economic sense.
"For the more spectacular results, Verlinde used a logarithmic scale, which is awesome for hiding the gap between theory and reality."
The trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them's a mongoose.
"La Brea Tar Pits, Los Angeles - surplus of elephants, obsolete type, in these parts about 25,000 years ago."
Freedom without limits is just a word.
"Why is he complaining that he owes us less money?"
Is it better to use a bottle or a shoe to pound in nails?
"By 'fluids' they meant 'urine', which doesn't sound good when mentioned explicitly in an advertising campaign."
No matter how kind your children are, German children are kinder.
"We identified chemical elements and materials that make up a Boeing 777 - these are aluminium, titanium, copper, steel alloys and other materials - using over 20 technologies to analyse the data including a nuclear reactor."
The strongest predictor of road accidents is variance from the average speed of traffic.
If two features exist, someday, someone will find a reason to use them together.
"Back when PHP had less than 100 functions and the function hashing mechanism was strlen()..."
The __toString method can’t throw exceptions. If you try, PHP will throw an exception.
"I never wished for anything in my life. I always made things happen. So much more rewarding."
Python's just method calls all the way down, then a turtle.
Waltzing Matilda doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to; it's Australian. But it doesn't make sense even if you speak Australian.
The effort required to design something is proportional to the simplicity of the result.
There is, in truth, no Past, only a memory of the Past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them.
The only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.
The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.
Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once.
"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic."
Too many people want to have done something.
Do things; don't want to have done them.
Botswana is the only country in the world with a colour in its flag meant to represent rain.
"One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry." -- Terry Pratchett
"There is too much to do" is a terrible excuse for doing nothing.
"Here's where anyone else would FORGET to science. Not me. I never forget to science!"
You cannot apply brakes to a volcano.
Now think of a prawn as merely an assemblage of information!
If you weld a handle to something, it's portable.
The free-software community creates a great many single points of failure, some of which are guaranteed to fail over any reasonable period of time.
If you're looking to amputate your own limbs please do consider seeking a medical professional.
"If you say anything else I will amputate your mouth at the hip."
Using a smartphone is like buying a suitcase, only to find someone else's possessions have been glued to the inside.
"Next, a bunch of drones come out of the blimp, jump inside some rectangles, jump inside another blimp, and turn into a bigger rectangle. Meanwhile, a small blimp goes inside a big blimp. This is starting to seem like a really great idea."
"Chinese production is lot like Aperture Science - We Do What We Must, Because We Can."
BALIN SON OF FUNDIN LORD OF MORIA
It is not enough to correctly code a function. You must also code the correct function!
The Creator, if He exists, has an inordinate fondness for beetles.
Junior developers have a tendency to implement brand-new features instead of improving old ones.
Ensure RAM. Spend a moment to notice and touch black chips bulging on each RAM. Sleek. Efficiency. Sensual. Each bulge increases calculation speed.
"Apart from the fact it will short out the CMOS battery, which may then explode, it'll be fine."
In addition to text entry, specialized leopards are used for computer gaming.
"Why does he want to commit this atrocity? He is insane, as I've already explained."
"It seems to be a complicated device chain for pulping bees and combining their DNA."
"Even faster, and it'll go through your test apparatus due to collision-detection granularity and time being quantised."
There's nothing critical to the definition of a jet engine that you can't point at and say 'look, a jet engine'.
Being set on fire is about the only thing that comes close to being fun.
"1 tile per dragon is up to a million dragons per map. That's quite a lot of dragons."
Inventing “a thing that you could do” is a low bar for human achievement.
"You would be less than pleased, despite my protestations that negative scientific results are useful and I had just proven that Spanish-illiterate dingoes cannot extinguish fires using mind power."
"This is the first step to enable mankind to consume pies with more elegance and comfort. Neither the sky, nor the pie, should be the limit."
"The aim is to see if its journey up to 100,000ft (30km) changes the molecular structure of the pie making it quicker to eat."
Clarity is better than cleverness.
Design for simplicity; add complexity only where you must.
The two most difficult challenges in programming are the last two hard things that the person speaking worked on.
It is a syntax error to write FORTRAN while not wearing a blue tie.
LISP remains an influential language in key algorithmic techniques such as recursion and condescension.
"Then, literally in the bath, I came to realise what the story was: the engine wanted to sing in the choir, which is obviously what a Welsh engine would want, so from then on it fell into place."
Logic is a wonderful thing, but doesn't always beat actual thought.
No art, however minor, demands less than total dedication.
"Right now there is what I can only describe as a conspiracy to connect something called gstreamer-plugins-bad to the internet. I do not want something called gstreamer-plugins-bad to be connected to the internet because that doesn’t sound like a good idea."
"I do not want something called gstreamer-plugins-bad to be connected to the internet because that doesn’t sound like a good idea."
"I want it to be like a google, but faster, and more purple?"
"Apparently somebody decided to call it a feature, and just like that it had to happen."
"It’s as if somebody looked at the UML diagram for my browser and realized that the boxes labeled 'malicious input' and 'gstreamer-plugins-bad' weren’t yet connected, and in their utopian vision of the internet, all of the boxes must be connected."
Security sensitive code should not require comments like "it needs some further explanation why this actually works", particularly if it doesn't.
"I've fixed it by doing nothing."
"John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin."
"That looks like a chicken that was beat in the face until it was a duck."
`extern const volatile _Atomic unsigned long long int * restrict foo[];`
What kind of biscuit would you be, and why?
"In 2011, they sprayed the goat with water to form a protective layer of ice. It burned down."
"You'll end up either unlocking the full potential of your smartphone, or turning it into a brick that cost a few hundred dollars."
"That way, when some student comes up and says 'Dr. Goodwin, I added cheese dip instead of HCl – will that make a difference?', I can walk over, flip to page thousand-and-whatever, and say 'No. Cheese dip is fine.'"
"Dr. Goodwin, I added cheese dip instead of HCl – will that make a difference?"
"I e-mailed HP's reviews team with questions about the trackpad, and they declined to answer them. Instead, they recommended that I connect an external mouse."
"For more on this, it's over to our Celica-suspension negative mounting jig correspondent, Richard Brunning."
"They took two days to make, but would have taken only four hours if the kettle had broken."
"The only sensible course of action is to completely ignore the fact the engine's not gonna fit, and carry on regardless."
"Secure in the knowledge that I probably knew enough to not break everything, I built some test containers and promptly broke everything."
1:00 AM is not a productive time to find bugs.
"The sky isn't a thing, though we call it a thing. It doesn't behave like a thing and so the question doesn't make sense. There is a limit to the air, but that's not what you asked. There is a limit to the arc of sky, the horizon, but that's not what you asked."
"...excused the interference of educationalists, sociologists and other pseudo-scientists, which produces eventually a confection of formulae which have no integrity."
"Killing 3 celebrities per episode seems...unsustainable."
"Buy it! Build the small child star yourself, and together we can live in horrible screechy paradise together."
"That's mental! It's like the Internet Meme Violin!"
If you're going to Anglicize names, you have to be able to speak English! This is important!
If you ignore a problem, it gets worse.
"...these absurd, all-encompassing, high-level pictures of the universe that are all good and fine, but don't actually mean anything at all."
"Once again, Wired Magazine proves that as soon as it puts something on the cover, that thing will be proven to be stupid and wrong within a few short months."
Parts of Iowa are so flat that on a clear day, a person with good eyesight can look out toward the horizon and see the back of his own head.
Unreasonable people can be placated with unreasonable arguments.
Huntingdon is flat and blurry in real life, not just on Google Maps.
Huntingdon is flat and blurry in real life, not just on Google Maps.
It's always easier to think things through after you've done them.
"It was weird, but it felt like it was Star Trek weird. I could buy it, no problem."
"No, I'm from Iowa. I only WORK in outer space."
It has been estimated that there are only about 500 real people on any given planet, which explains why they keep running into one another all the time.
"He does commentary all the way through, which makes it even better. I may have him read all my things from now on."
"For example, they have similar power-to-weight ratios. They both have round headlights. They both have transparent windows."
"According to DHL my parcel was delivered yesterday to someone with no name with a signature that doesn't look like mine."
You think it’ll last forever, the people and the cars and concrete. But it won’t. One day it’s all gone, even the sky.
It's only a bargain if you want it.
"Because NoSQL is trendy, we use a well-known NoSQL database directly included in the kernel: the file system."
"I thought you meant having a dead lizard was the same as having a cat and I was kind of worried."
"It was a blanket infused with radium, because it was warming."
There are very few things that a man with a big enough mincer cannot put in a sausage.
Cheap hair curlers do not STAY warm if covered in bacon.
"Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had."
Didn't do anything all day and it's 11:58 PM? Do one thing.
Didn't do anything all day and it's 11:58 PM? Do one thing.
There will never come a perfect moment where everything feels right. You must grasp this moment and take the first step.
There will never come a perfect moment where everything feels right. You must grasp this moment and take the first step.
You must grasp this moment and take the first step.
If you don't know what to do, don't do anything.
"The launch team was unable to come up with quick and viable options to rectify the situation. Flight director Chris Kraft rejected several unsafe interventions, including using a rifle to shoot holes in the booster's propellant tanks."
"My vacuum cleaner crashes if I send certain malformed HTTP requests to the local API endpoint, which isn't a good sign."
"It's one thing having my colocated server being password-guessed by random servers in North Korea; it is quite another having all my kitchen appliances being password-guessed by half a million badly-configured light bulbs."
Washing machines are hardcore. They spin their load so aggressively that they fling socks into an alternate dimension.
"No operator overloading. It could be argued that our use of placement new deviates from this. In the previous metaphor, I think this was either the spider or the bird."
"Now that we finished our scalable agile cloud migration, our organization will be going completely dig-o-stanc next month."
"If they actually do a drug test I hope they test his hair, too. Not for drugs, just to find out what it is."
"Now, does my forebrain’s special effects budget make me a better medicinal chemist? Who knows?"
"In its most characteristic reaction, the solid decomposes explosively."
"Truly a legendary plan!  Fake your own death in order to join the enemy so you can steal your own ship by setting it on fire; the perfect crime."
"I'm very highly educated. I know words, I have the best words..."
"None of my emails made it on the list. I guess I'm going to have to really step up my game and drink a lot more before writing them."
Life needs to be more than just solving problems every day. You need to wake up and be excited about the future.
Failure is not an option. It's mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do.
"He said little. He listened to counsel, and then followed his own mind."
An opportunity for tea is regarded as beneficial both to health and output.
It’s never a good sign when an entire new genre of political gaffe is named after something you did.
"Actually, to be fair, the fan design was copying, but it was copying owls, and they're not really an OEM."
"The day I willingly talk to anyone on the tube will be the day I have to tell someone that their hat is on fire."
Building a liquid fueled rocket in your garage can only end in two ways. A job offering is the best case scenario.
Engineering: Precision guesswork based on unreliable data.
64/16 = 4/1, because the sixes cancel.
"The player is in effect, god of his own pocket universe where the main intelligent form of life are squat alcoholic sociopaths."
"Teatime is also 90% of all people who hire a graphic artist for commission/contract work, except he’ll murder you at the end."
If your adversary is in the middle of making a mistake, don't interrupt.
"We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis."
"I know for a fact that of all the creations that you’ve had, this is the song that has inspired the largest number of stuffed animals."
There’s no right way to carve up some undisclosed number of monkeys and/or ponies and sew them back together.
In the early 1980s, the Air Force discovered that the solder that had been utilized for decades inside Atlas and Thor vehicle liquid oxygen tanks was not compatible with liquid oxygen.
The giant panda is a rubbish animal which deserves to go extinct.
"And as the freeway hums the cars go by, the headlights roll across the sky..."
Don't buy from: HP, Dell, Samsung, Nvidia, Whirlpool, AEG-Electrolux, Google/Nest, Yahoo, Nestlé, TalkTalk, Sony, Rolson, GoDaddy, United Airlines, Marriott, DJI, Wetherspoons, Uber, Sonos, Trustico, 505 Games...
"This camera is specially made not to take ugly pictures. If you have a complaint about your photo, we suggest that next time you bring a better face for your picture. Thank you."
There's a fine line between vision and hubris.
"I remember when he started the Blue Danube Waltz with a count of 1-2-3-4."
"I'm gonna go wash my brain out with food."
Certain boundaries don't need to be pushed.
"Except for the bananas, of course. I wouldn't keep fish in my desk."
"Optimism, pessimism, fuck that; we’re going to make it happen. As God is my bloody witness, I’m hell-bent on making it work."
Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
For every complex problem there exists a solution that is simple, neat and wrong.
"Maintenance staff needed to be 2'6" tall and have 5' arms with 3 elbows."
Nobody really wants to advertise that they filter their beer through dead fish.
"It's a beverage. Hot dirty water in a cup. You pick it up and drink it."
"That's a very catastrophist interpretation. I think it's much more reasonable that frogs migrated up to the sky gradually, over several generations."
"It was weird, but it felt like it was Star Trek weird. I could buy it, no problem."
Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going.
"Note that if your first impression is that counting visitors in trinary is rather inconvenient, then you are missing the point of Malbolge altogether. "
As last words go, "I can taste key lime pie" isn't so bad.
"We see something coming, we watch it going, and no one can agree on what it meant, where it came from, or even if it was funny or not."
If nobody agrees with you, you're probably wrong.
Complacency can only be observed with hindsight.
Ridiculously dramatic plots seem to take place because the characters on screen don’t take ten seconds out of their day to state the obvious.
"The use of a junkyard to explore the nature of the TARDIS is not at all lost on me."
The iPhone 7 can render more than 400 flying monkeys at once.
Nothing proves performance like 400 flying monkeys.
“Yes, I’ll just step inside this police box and arrest myself.”
Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.
"This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there’s stuff."
"We try things. Sometimes they even work."
The hard way’s pretty hard, but no so hard as the easy way.
"Considering that the rocket and payload for the next launch are currently blown to bits, yeah it'll be delayed."
People rarely do things that don't make sense to themselves.
People rarely do things that don't make sense to themselves.
"Hey! Instead of working let's go read bad reviews of things we already hate in order to reaffirm that we still hate them."
Fall into something. Fall into ANYTHING of consequence.
Don't be a baked potato. Be a person.
Who cares! Forget the 'why'.
"The movie is bad at being a movie, however, highly enjoyable if you like explosions."
Eating your study organism should be a pre-requisite for being awarded your PhD.
"Sadly, I can report no superpowers as a function of these experiments."
"I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses."
"We don't make cows, although we have made a sheep. And medicines, and airplane engines, and whatever this is, and all sorts of things."
People who claim to be brutally honest are more concerned with the brutality than the honesty.
People are better at thinking of creative solutions while pacing about.
Even a trivial patch can have non-trivial mistakes.
"We put the possum in the vending machine and he knocked all the food down."
Obviously you don't die 117 times every time you fly in an airplane.
In Britain, we've had running water for over ten years and we invented the cat.
"I embarked on a great work that required overcoming one of the greatest forces in the universe: my procrastination."
"The ending is either too clever for the rest of the book or a complete mess, depending on whether one thinks the author did it deliberately."
If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are.
"I let the first filter dry out for a couple days and then, in the interest of science, lit it on fire."
Don't worry, that almost never happens.
"Well, it's a dynamic position where you would be variably interchanging and coordinating the office dynamics through variable interchanging and coordination."
"Fortunately, there are solutions. Crystal meth, for example, has shown to be very effective. How important is tooth-retention to you?"
More precision doesn't always mean more accuracy.
"I love that he killed a tube worm, that's so cute!"
"It's pretty terrible throughout, but the half hour in act 2 where every transition is a star wipe and selfie stickers cover the actors is dynamite."
"I wanted to give my party pancakes as a reward but I'm unsure if it's too much. The pancakes are also laced with blowfish poison so the party would have to get an antitoxin before they could eat the ones which weren't pulverized by shoes."
Only engineers can ever be taught to change a tire, and they have to go into space first.
"I can't speak to his portrayal of non-heterosexual characters because right now, that only includes two hippos."
The smarter you are, the more you realize how little you know.
"The standing rule was that headwear given to the governor could be appreciatively received and cheerfully waved on stage but should not, under any circumstances, rest on his head."
"People seem upset that I don't know things before I know them."
You can delegate authority, but not responsibility.
"Like most unnecessary sequels, this one was pretty much the same film as the original, only with more cameo appearances."
"Great^9 Grandpa, we've been enslaved by sentient carrots for 200 years, no one knows what you're talking about."
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a negative example.
Talons are really bad for woodwork. They bring out the natural grain of the wood really well as they strip off the finish.
If you're not prepared to thaw and cut up dead animals every night of your life for 10 years or more, you aren't up for having an owl.
When faced with novel situations, remove questionable assumptions before adding new ones.
Physics is true, everything else is debatable.
"I thought it was not possible to have stable orbits around black holes because they absorb spacetime."
"It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd got there by trying every possible way to be wrong."
"Everyone eagerly looks forward to the rumor mill as people try and figure out what spawned THAT particular reminder."
"No, it involves shaving them. Additional benefit is improved thermal capture from the hamsters."
"The entirety of the discussion is well beyond the scope of this article, indeed beyond sanity."
"It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd got there by trying every possible way to be wrong."
"What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right."
Sarcastic Vimes is the best.
"Maliciously inflicting an hour-long tea ceremony on people is grounds for execution anyway."
"I hate it when I get drunk and clip through solid objects by accident."
"Engagement is made clear by the car’s instant and unsafe wandering in all but perfect conditions, and often in perfect conditions."
"Engagement is made clear by the car’s instant and unsafe wandering in all but perfect conditions, and often in perfect conditions."
"Ah, so your cunning plan is to foil his trap by walking directly into it."
"The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning."
Technically right is the best right.
"I just want to thank you for introducing the word 'flong' into my life."
"I think so far none of them ever did anything except exploding."
"I wonder if having the urge to plunge chopsticks into my brain counts as a secret."
"I was reading Schopenhauer and Nietzsche, and it was terrible. No one should read them. It’s too depressing."
"The majestically-named Thorin Oakenshield, whose very name makes me feel like my entire existence is inferior to his."
"Have you ever considered eating your own lungs? I can show you how to prepare them if you'd like."
"We're talking about the man who decided to say the word 'blah' 497 times in a row, just because it had never been done before."
If your function is over 50 lines of code, it's much too big.
"Damn, that is way too much thought put into the emotional state of a bunch of stick figures."
"You are the picture of perfect health. The bad news is that we therefore have no means to treat you at this time."
The best way to get things done is to do them.
The best way to get things done is to do them.
Any number you can fit on a whiteboard basically rounds down to zero.
"In the process of the fanectomy, Graham had also managed to unplug several wires and destroy the motherboard."
“I always delete the last backup before I do the next backup. It helps save space and keeps the hardware optimized."
"Suspension of disbelief is key here. Everything is true here, even if it's not."
"This is an extremely inefficient algorithm. The interpreter runs out of memory for inputs greater than 13."
Nothing is more permanent than a temporary solution.
American patriotism is weird, because you can be the biggest patriot out there and despise the government.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
"Vimes watched the feeble pun go right through Carrot's head without triggering his brain."
"Without a model as a fortification, we found ourselves rambling around the countryside like all the other pundit-barbarians, randomly setting fire to things."
Try to be pleasant and talk about things that are interesting. People like things that are pleasant and interesting.
Be careful. Boredom is contagious.
There is no problem so bad that you cannot make it worse.
"If the Linux kernel started treating bug reports like the systemd folks have, then the quality of the kernel would fall like a whale that suddenly appeared in the sky."
"This commit therefore limits kernel builds to zero CPUs.  This change has the beneficial side effect of rendering all kernel bugs harmless."
"This code forms some sort of argument in that debate, but I'm not sure whether it's for or against."
Is this really a useful thing to be doing?
Stop staring at your computer.
All programming teams are constructed by and of crazy people.
If you have to tell people "I'm not wrong" that's a pretty good sign you are.
"There's no story, it's just from a rather interesting blog post about nuclear weapons-grade coffee."
"Do we need to disassemble it or has that already occurred?"
"I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that and then I realized I am somebody."
Zero is a balance, an equilibrium. Zero is a flat country, neither far away nor near. You can travel there any time, at the cost of your life.
“I had a really vivid dream that I was on a plane; it was really realistic, but I didn’t think much of it and just went back to sleep. When I woke up, we were just landing in Barcelona."
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
It's almost invariably a mistake to add a bool parameter to an existing function.
"They come up quiet beside you and they whisper all the bad things you ever did when you was alive, so you can’t forget ’em."
"They come up quiet beside you and they whisper all the bad things you ever did when you was alive, so you can’t forget ’em."
Unfortunately, after one or two drinks it seems like a tremendous idea to keep having more drinks.
"I've got a right to arm bears, me."
"Is it malware? Is it useful? Does it do ANYTHING AT ALL?"
"We do see them quite often. But I've never seen one that actually worked before."
"Society has gone to the dogs since we started giving lesser sentences for attempted murder, thus rewarding mediocrity."
Sync failed: excess condensation in cloud network.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
"You don't get many plays about goats. Or economics. So when they asked me to star in a radio play about a giant speculative goat bubble, how could I say no?"
Systems engineering is good, but should be done carefully so as to not do too much of it.
Idiot Plot: Any plot containing problems that would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots.
"A small, but significant number of buyers returned their Curtas in pieces, having attempted to disassemble them. Reassembling the machine was more difficult..."
"Looks like the sort of device that would suddenly go *sproing* and spit mysterious fiddly things in all directions."
Thinking that terrible ideas are entertaining is a common side-effect of alcohol.
If you put a cow in an air-tight container, it would die of methane poisoning.
More Americans were shot and killed by toddlers in 2015 than by terrorists.
You will be directed to perform a series of tests that will raise the billable hours for the Service Dept. but perform no other useful function.
The most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here.
"It worked, technically, but not well enough for anyone to buy it."
"Fortunately the hood was explosion proof, but whoever put it in didn’t think to make the wall explosion proof too. It’s not every day you see people in the hallway looking out of your hood."
Thomas Midgely Jr had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth's history.
"White space is very important; variables are radically typed except when they're implicitly or fuzzily typed, and the math engine is bistromathic."
Design patterns are often missing language features.
The terms "cutting-edge" and "accounting" do not sound good together.
"Stand here and we'll take a photo of you wearing the anti-photography scarf."
Three people who know what they are doing and are competent are orders of magnitude more capable and will provide better results than 25 people who have no idea what they are doing.
Got an image enhancer that can bitmap?
Princess Anne is patron of the Unicorn Preservation Society.
"It's clearly Microsoft's fault that Microsoft's software doesn't do the right thing. I don't see how the risks in Microsoft updating its software to become correct could be higher than the risks in other vendors updating their software to become incorrect."
People underestimate risks they willingly take and overestimate risks in situations they can't control.
"John Kacur voiced the suspicion that Christoph had a secret plan to promote physical fitness in real-time developers by making them hike through the Austrian Alps. As it turns out, he was right."
Never give up! Never surrender!
"Yup, seriously. She started looking up the address to the bar where her phone was supposedly stolen on the supposedly stolen phone."
"Dude, I'm completely convinced he was faking. I just can't tell if he was faking when he went in, or when he came out."
"Needless to say, if that difference of opinion is expressed with fists, we have another fist-fight on our, er, fists."
Make the basics work first.
The Darkness has begun. There will be no dawn.
"That’s about the closest the Discworld series has gotten to having gay characters and...well, they’re hippos."
Tea is molten ice with complex hydrocarbon flavoring.
There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
"The pronunciation of 'Qlaviql' is not a subtle reference to the author's recently separated shoulder. No, it's not subtle at all."
"Not only does it explode, but it explodes into a cloud of fluorine."
Do not crawl on your belly into partially-frozen submerged prisons.
"The Twitch stream has spawned both in-jokes and fan art about the in-jokes."
If the sun rises tomorrow, worse things could have happened.
"Future procedures will involve a short string of preliminary tests to confirm that the mallet is unlikely to make the pole explode."
"Whoa, dude. Let's use the Socratic method. 'I got screwed by the Russians' doesn't equal 'Create launch company.'"
"We all sat around a room and said, 'Elon, you cannot start a launch company. This is stupid.'"
"I have no memory of this and no idea what I was trying to do, but I sure hope it worked."
"He’ll have to learn right from left like the rest of us. And right from wrong, too."
"Although he is a business professional he has just photocopied a burrito."
"Our company is agile and lean with a focus on the long tail. Ok, our company is actually a polecat I found in my backyard."
It doesn't pay to be always planning.
The internet: where people do ridiculously stupid shit so you don't have to.
"Harbour Master is frantically gesturing at the Geldof boat. Geldof is screaming. Someone just accused a dinghy of being from Goldman Sachs."
"To be fair I’d accept the result of a naval battle to decide the EU ref if it meant we didn’t go through another eight days of this shit."
It is not that power corrupts, but that power is magnetic to the corruptible.
You don't use science to show you're right, you use science to become right.
Thinking isn't doing. Do something!
Dogs prefer to align themselves to the Earth's north-south magnetic field while urinating.
"Not to worry, these are my CEREMONIAL teeth!"
"I'll give them top marks if they promise never to do this again."
"I'm sorry, but I think that your beard has to be just a teensy bit longer before you're allowed to proclaim things by its name."
The empires of Mad Science are built of blood, sweat, oil and coffee.
Have radioactive bees with flamethrowers YET AGAIN invaded your workplace?
Have radioactive bees with flamethrowers YET AGAIN invaded your workplace?
"I'd forgotten just how confusing this book was, mostly because the cast keep exchanging bodies halfway through each scene."
"It could probably kill, like, a baby, but that's not what it's specifically DESIGNED to-"
"It could probably kill, like, a baby, but that's not what it's specifically DESIGNED to-"
"In a way he WAS invisible, because he was always there."
"When overlapping hurricanes formed at all points on the Earth's surface, and our scheme was foiled by Cantor diagonalization, we just decided to name them all 'Steve'."
Your local forecast tomorrow is 'Steve'. Good luck.
"On the planet Marklar, we call every person, place or thing 'Marklar'."
"I wanna see disasters happen...but there's this weird one that is green."
"He looked up at the Universe, which was watching him with puzzled interest."
"Participants in the study would happily bludgeon a potato with a hammer, unless you stuck some hair and a pair of eyeballs to the potato."
You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
All opinions are not equal.
Reality is frequently inaccurate.
There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened.
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about?
Don't Panic.
The March March march is a long, flat, pointless walk across the Fens from the town of March to Cambridge, a distance of about thirty miles. It takes place, of course, in March, often but not always on the last Saturday in March. It has no purpose other than to be called the March March march.
"They follow the typical PHP approach of 'throw libraries at the problem till it goes away'."
Solve half of the problem, if that's better than nothing.
You can't solve every problem, so pick one and solve that.
A normal person uses the audio system to listen to music, while an audiophile uses music to listen to his audio system.
"There are serious flaws in this study, not the least of which is a complete mischaracterization of the process of psychotronic mind control."
"I find this conversation extremely boring. Unfortunately, it is somewhat on topic."
"But what if the USB flash drives were somehow attached to a turtle that was trained to swim back to the nearest airport?"
"This is where the night goes from 'we had fun' to 'mistakes were made', isn't it."
"Your paper is a sack of raving nonsense. Thank you."
"The phrases 'enormous disparity', 'effectively impossible', 'extremely unlikely', and 'not feasible in any meaningful, practical sense' all make appearances."
"The phrases 'enormous disparity', 'effectively impossible', 'extremely unlikely', and 'not feasible in any meaningful, practical sense' all make appearances."
It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have.
If you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing.
Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out.
Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors.
There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan.
Look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go.
All you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off.
You're bored? What about all those interesting things you've not found time for?
"The fault light isn't on anymore, because it shorted out."
"Watching shit scroll by for hours makes me a Linux expert overnight!"
Software is hard. The way to fix it is to fix it, not to sweep it under the rug.
"I like your new employee. He's very climbable."
"The chain of logic from 'Linux is about choice' to 'ship everything and let the user choose how they want their sound to not work' starts with fallacy and ends with disaster."
Look at your life, and look at your choices.
RAM and USB plugs are made from the same 4th-dimensional material.
Life is better if you imagine you're in a coming-of-age novel.
Trains run for those who wait, they don't wait for those who run.
In an effort to save money, it's easy to lose more money.
"They did it to Iain Banks, too, and apparently at a con he tore out the offending page and ate it."
"Stand back. I'm going to try SCIENCE!"
"When Ormandy attempted to inform Symantec of the vulnerability, the email he sent crashed Symantec's mail server."
"They must have some kinda exotic high-tech camera designed especially to make everybody look as bad as possible."
"As the supposed mastermind of the plot, he knew for a certainty it had never existed."
"Trying to ram an ironclad with a rowboat doesn't exactly give the impression of a cool and calculating fellow."
"I can almost certainly manage to get you executed in a reasonably civil manner."
Horses can manufacture more horses and that is one trick that tractors have never learned.
"Sure, and if we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs."
"If this weren't so completely unnecessary, I might almost admire the cleverness of it."
Individuals aren’t naturally paid-up members of the human race, except biologically.
"He could think in italics. Such people need watching."
"D’you know, when I first joined the Watch I was so simple I arrested the head of the Thieves’ Guild for thieving?"
"She waited to see if he’d fail to pick this one up, too. He did."
"Perhaps we’re adding just the right amount of camphor to the nitro-cellulose after all—"
"It works by gutta-percha strips twisted tightly together. But not very well, I’m afraid."
Tinker, tinker, tinker. Never think twice before grabbing a thread of the fabric of reality and giving it a pull.
It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
If not now, when?
If not now, when?
Why not right now?
Today on reddit: people arguing over whales as units of measurement.
"The basic problem is not that this is a good plan or a bad plan but that it really lacks many of the elements a plan would contain."
If you could print pages in blood, you could print 694 pages per day without dying.
"Got it, blood cheaper than ink, find way to print in blood."
"I think it would be safe to round that up to 41,667, given the variance in size of different individuals and the impracticality of dividing a blue whale into thirds."
"I'll put 'get hair follicles ripped out forcefully' even higher up on my list of 'NEVER DO THIS'. Thanks."
"Wha...I...Ju...You people are INSANE!"
"The ship is too big! If I walk, the movie will be over!"
"'Standard' might not be the right term for a fantasy novel about renovating the postal system."
"This is like interrupting an intricate waltz with a sledgehammer to the knee."
"When turning her head at an extreme angle fails to produce a life-altering epiphany, she usually just short-circuits and rolls on her back."
"We were beginning to think that our dogs were permanently broken. Nothing we did helped at all to convince the dogs that we had only changed houses and our new house was not, in fact, some sort of death-camp and we weren't actually planning on killing them to fulfill an organ harvest ritual."
Have you checked the REALLY obvious things?
"The more I know about this, the more I wish I didn't."
"I can never tell if these guys just don't understand branding at all or at a level none of us get."
"Analogies bubbled to the surface like soggy croutons."
"I have feelings now! I'm gonna go write a bunch of feelings. I have SO many feelings."
Never read anything just because you want to disagree with it.
Everything is a chisel.
First, do no harm.
"I appreciate everyone's feedback, even the people calling for me to be fired. Well, maybe not that part."
"Above all shadows rides the sun, and stars for ever dwell; I will not say the day is done, nor bid the stars farewell."
"I no longer understand why I find this so funny, so now I just accept it."
Three is the right number for almost everything.
"You invented this. You literally cannot be wrong about it."
"I imagine that if he were to learn the thing was nominated for a major literature award, his head might actually EXPLODE."
"I think it should be international law that spiders should never be enlarged in fiction for any reason ever for all time."
"How can a tree do that? WHY would a tree do that?!"
"There was no tree nor any visible water: it was a country of grass and short springy turn, silent except for the whisper of the air over the edges of the land, and high lonely cries of strange birds."
"Also, I should add that through this story, you’ll learn that I am mysteriously a million times older than I should be, and I won’t provide any rational reason as to how that’s possible."
"I have been guided by a poem I learned in a dream, which is totally a reliable piece of information all of the time."
You can only come back from the depths of the middle of the earth ONCE before it becomes permanent.
Hobbits are these small people-like things that look like a mixture between a Cabbage Patch doll and a potato.
"Dude, YOUR OWN NARRATOR thinks this is a bad idea."
"Why don't you just cast a spell and make the mountain turn into a giant bowl of pudding or something?"
"I need to start yelling the following at people: 'BY THE BEARD OF MARK!' It will make things more effective."
For two paragraphs, Tolkien switches to the point of view of a passing fox? Who else would do that?
"This world measures time in the number of cakes consumed. Why isn’t this real? SIGN ME UP ALREADY."
"I was surprised, though, just how much I am enjoying a book that spends a third of the time narrating people walking."
"Do they routinely enter the houses of unsuspecting people, demand food and drink, and then sing about destroying everything around them?"
"I have had a beard for many years! So I understand this! Should I feel morally opposed to the elves because of this?"
"If they ALL wanted to kill us, they wouldn't have to vote on it."
Could you imagine facing death and your adversary creates a well-rhyming, improvised song on the spot?
"Also, eagles aren’t forks!"
"They landed on the planet of the narrators, and every sentient visitor got their own narrator. Including the giant blue box."
"Is it even attached to something or is it just a sentient arm? Wait, don’t answer that. Neither answer seems appealing."
"We just kind of assumed that we were supposed to throw the children at the bear as some sort of offering."
"An apple is about 2.4 MPa. Since a lime is more flexible, I am going to guess about 1.2-1.8ish MPa."
"I think you're assuming away the existence of the lime a little too much. If it didn't significantly deform when the liquid was poured on top, then I don't think there should be a significant change in pressure below it."
"That's why I added the caveat, since I don't have any lime deformation data available."
"I wish to destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation."
"I wish to destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation."
"I once observed a child traversing on wheeled shoes. I will work tirelessly to find out what this technology is called and demand the earth children turn its schematics over to me, forthwith."
Don't do the math, because then the handwavium stops working.
There's a weird fascination in watching people making up their minds based on little or no information.
"Well there's your problem, your mysterious blue smoke has condensed, it's not supposed to do that."
It's generally better for things to not be on fire than to be on fire.
'Working' means 'people will really use it in practice', not 'it can be made to do something if you have enough patience.'
A good way to kill a product: start adding extra features when it doesn’t work. First it needs to work.
First, it needs to work. Focus on that. THEN you can elaborate.
If you can't explain to people how to use your software, it doesn't work.
Install and try to use your software, writing down anything that fails or looks embarrassing or nobody would ever understand.
A professional developer does thorough work when it matters, and cuts irrelevant corners that aren’t worth wasting time on.
"Self-reported mean height estimates were consistently higher, and mean weight estimates consistently lower than interviewer-measured estimates."
"There seemed to be so much to do that she couldn't bring herself to do any of it."
You cannot use logic to talk someone out of a position they did not use logic to adopt.
"Operation Pacemaker relied on a 20-year-old converted tandem found in a garage, with functional additions such as a walking stick, scrap car parts, scrap metal, knicker elastic, exhaust mounting rubbers from a 1989 Ford Escort and an ex-RAF parachute."
Colin Furze, solving issues the world doesn't have since 2008.
"You can tell it's a Colin Furze project because I'm sitting far too close to the bit that's going to explode."
"I have created my own expression for this phenomenon, which I call Invented Somewhere Else (ISE)."
"You can be as eccentric, or arrogant, or just bloody rude, as you like and it'll be passed off as normal student behaviour. It IS normal student behaviour, after all."
The internet is smaller than an oil tanker.
"Give me a thousand of these, right now. Will they surely destroy my place of residence? Don’t care. I DON’T CARE."
"A man had just started shooting people in a local McDonald’s, which is not the kind of thing you want to have as your lead-in when you are now meant to talk about a funny book you’ve written about the end of the world and how we’re all going to die."
By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've learned something about it yourself.
"She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was very clear what the other nine-tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins."
"The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both."
Friday comes at the end of the week, whereas a fried egg comes out of a chicken.
You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg.
"Like most things, of course, it isn’t quite that simple."
You can also fry eggs on a Thursday, if you like, or on a cooker.
POTATO: The round starchy thing that stands between you and cannibalism.
"Everything about this robotic snake arm is unclear beyond the fact that a) it seems to work and b) it is a robotic snake arm."
"It's funny how much credit you can get for pressing twenty random buttons and finding the one that does the thing."
"The story takes a shift towards something that is absolutely NOT shrouded in terror or doom or intensity for once, and I will graciously accept this moment."
"There is no GIF for what I am feeling right now."
"I’m also fairly sure I’ve never read anything from the point of view of a hellhound, especially one that realizes it is a going to be a Dog to the Antichrist, so that was pretty awesome."
Now is better than perfect.
If now isn't a good time, when will be?
If now isn't a good time, when will be?
"Most of my design decisions are based on whether or not it amuses me. Giant floppy pants are on that list."
"You should probably just stop taking your laptop ballroom dancing. Also, get a real girlfriend."
"You might actually be the luckiest PR guy in the world, taking over for Paul Christoforo. You could declare holy war on kittens and still be considered the safer option."
Given a choice of actions, perform the one most likely to result in personal or more general harm, then optionally inform others after doing so.
"If that was a dream, my subconscious has reached terrifying new levels of subtlety."
"The reason we now have to teach the electrical safety course to all electricians at least twice per year is because some joe was bright enough to be the one person in the world who could figure out how to kill himself with a 9V battery."
"Yeah, at this point, I was just internally begging GRRM to stop killing characters I liked. And then I realized this was pointless."
"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
There are more stars in our galaxy than there are atoms in the universe.
"This movie sounds like it would be best watched in 3-B, aka 'Three beers and it looks good.'"
"It's just a lot of screaming or grimacing people, an eagle and two turtles, one of which is huge and yellow."
"She's well used to my scientist nature of testing things experimentally, ever since I used her as a stabbing model to assess a Game of Thrones scene."
"It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people to do things for you, you see. They always get it wrong."
"Oh, yes. It’s vital to remember who you really are. It’s very important. It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people to do things for you, you see. They always get it wrong."
"He got down easily, by dropping uncontrollably from branch to branch and then landing on his head."
Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.
"I'm just not used to dictators in my noir. Then again, I'm also not used to dragons in my noir."
"That’s the likely outcome according to the 'the-most-annoying-and-ambiguous-outcome-possible-will-happen' theory of 2016."
"The small grey non-steerable wheels are bouncing around like crazy and then my ship blows up.  is this normal?"
Java is to Javascript what Car is to Carpet.
If you want to set off and go develop some grand new thing, you don't need millions of dollars. You need enough pizza and the dedication to go through with it.
In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.
Nine people can't make a baby in a month.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog.
"Rincewind has a conversation with a tree, goes into denial about said conversation, unknowingly sets in motion a revolution in tree faith, ignores many trees that try to talk to him, and then allows Pratchett to trick me with another pun."
"They’re the ones who insist on ignoring reality in front of them because it clashes with the knowledge they already have."
"That's ridiculous. You can't see out of dragons."
"They both savored the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were ignorant of only ordinary things."
"What's this? Are we RAMMING a BATTLEPLATE?!"
"Before you go all gooey-eyed, please remember this new, crazy AI wants all of us dead."
There's always one idiot who ruins it for everyone. Check when you're scheduled to be that idiot.
"It turns out that opticians don't know much about databases but these particular opticians were sure they could figure it out by trial and error. Mostly error."
"I had to manage food and gear for twenty for a month and ended up having a malaria-pill induced nightmare about loaves of bread."
"It’s only a matter of time before I start writing an alternate history version of Hamilton starring dogs, and now I’ve said too much."
"...these capacitors, which I haven't discharged...OW! Oh, I have now because I stuck my finger across them."
"Thankfully, the world exploded before he could finish that terrible thought."
It could be worse. It could be beagles.
A dog which has patches of different colour on its eyebrows has four eyes, and can detect and attack beings that are invisible to humans.
There aren't too many workplaces where things like chain flails and backpack-mounted sprayers full of strong tea are considered to be fairly everyday tools of the trade.
"To save time, someone would go around and just spray tea at people whenever they were thirsty."
"The fire service could not confirm if the train was carrying goods or passengers, although there were no persons involved other than the driver."
"Fixed an off by one bug so the computer won't crash when someone installs 256 graphics cards."
"If I get hungry on the way down, I'll be sure to eat those words."
"I will not assume any liability for damage caused from running this code. Especially if you are running it as root. In fact, we both know that this WILL cause damage to the system, and that's why you want to try it. You have been warned."
"My suggestion is to stop getting so drunk that you urinate on your computer. All other suggestions or concerns are secondary."
"Someone will inevitably ask me about Reaper Man at an event or when I'm a famous author, and I'll have to talk about the book where snow globe eggs turn into trolleys."
"Ignore the sickening whirling of the planet around your ship and the graphics glitches. That's totally normal."
"If you make something like 1 unit = 2.333 meters, then your artist making a 1.5 meter object is going to use a calculator all day and then spend their evenings plotting how they plan to conceal the body after they murder you."
"Imagine folding up the box and wearing it on your head with the images facing inward. Note that all around you would be a seamless mountain vista. Also note that you would look like an idiot and likely bump into things."
"Some look like a relief map of a gorge-ridden desert landscape. Some look like cauliflower. None of them look like clouds."
"So...I wasted a bunch of time writing code that slowed down the program and looked terrible when you noticed it at all."
"...admitted that we were going to need another six months. And that our entire staff spent six months of the budget playing Left 4 Dead. Good thing I don’t have investors."
"Even internal alphas have undergone more scrutiny than this program. It is only my boundless hubris that allows me to call this 'version 1.0'."
"There is a reason for this stereotype. It's completely true."
Most prose intended to teach the reader something technical is so poorly written that it might as well be in MD5-hashed Cantonese.
"The steep-vector lithobraking resulted in rapid unscheduled disassembly."
If you try to simulate something at all, you'll have to simulate it in ridiculous detail before it looks right.
"You need to quit being so darn reasonable. This is the internet after all. Outrage is the only acceptable emotion."
In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded.
"You are all very stupid people," he told them, graciously, "and you do not know anything at all."
"Presumably they did the calculations to make sure that their launch escape system wasn't lethal BEFORE going to the expense of building it."
"Sure, we have insanity, but nothing compares with 'let's run toward the lethal thing' insanity."
"But we thought, when you put on MORE fire, then it always gets better!"
Did you make a net contribution to the world today?
It's a bit discouraging to sit down to play chess and be told there are no pawns in checkers.
"I've lost count of the number of particles now 'immune to special relativity'."
"This is the same man who claims we can't derail his adventure because there are no rails and we're free to do anything. I suppose there aren't rails because we wanted to move something by train once."
"If someone were to start such a movement here, I don't think it would actually 'move' very far. Maybe to the door of the pub, if it got past the bar without buying another round."
"What if by saving the day at his own wedding, he’s...not allowed to retire?"
"You're going to make your GOD into SOUP!"
"It doesn't stand on anything. It's a turtle, for heaven's sake. It swims. That's what turtles are for."
"Look, it's all objects all the way down. Until you reach turtles."
"The thing that was a little different about this mission on the rocket side was that the rocket landed instead of putting a hole in the ship or tipping over."
"To help me, I have a fifty-year-old owner's manual - and some tea."
"...fat32 partitions and nvidia drivers and obscure VIA chipsets and the difference between HDDs and RAM and whether EEG devices count as mind control..."
"Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up on itself like a paper hat would be someone saying 'what happens if I do this?'"
"It's got a variety of scientific cargo, including stressed-out fungus, musclebound mice, an inflatable room, and cabbage."
"No I am not Nick Krause. That email was a mistake by typo and was hoping nobody picked it up as they would then believe I was Nick Krause."
Wasn’t that rather the wrong way round?
"Be all tought it'd be abusing to relax our ibude systebs and cadge colds."
"Thirty days with a crew of viral masochists and a ship that thinks it’s a cuddly toy."
"I listened to people who wanted something done on a computer, then told the people who knew how to use the computer what to do."
"Oh aye. Everything’s hunky dory. We just ate some rats and Forrest Gump here told us his life story."
All the doom and the gloom and the guilt and woe. All the stuff that doesn’t really exist. That’s what brings you down.
"Energy, well, I dunno, we’re made of energy, Ed. Everything is. You’re just kind of...energy...sheewabuh hehduppa shef...moving through other energy...sheewabuh hehduppa shef...aren’t you?"
All the doom and the gloom and the guilt and woe. All the stuff that doesn’t really exist. That’s what brings you down.
"For a mad instant Wiz tried to imagine what the NAND diagram for a logical dragon would look like."
The problem with being a miracle worker is that everyone expects you to work miracles.
Just because someone is hard-working and ambitious doesn’t mean that person has the least idea what is going on.
"I have determined that dragons cannot pass through solid material. So if we interpose solid material between the town and the dragons, they cannot reach us."
"They've got their butts in a sling so they want us to pull a rabbit out of the hat to save their bacon."
"“A brain probe! Maybe she's jacked into the net directly through her brain. We can find out with an X-ray or MRI or something."
"Setting up an indoor wizards' duel was like trying to get ringside seats for a hand grenade fight in a broom closet."
"For a while the police thought they had Pashley on a charge of impersonating an FBI agent. Then they found out he was an FBI agent. Pashley's urgent insistence that the toaster was vital evidence in a national security case didn't help."
Any sufficiently advanced anything is indistinguishable from utter nonsense.
Just because it doesn't work the way you expected doesn't mean it's useless.
"I believe the currently favored solution is incinerating the town and you with it."
"The house is on fire and we're too busy arguing about the color of the carpet to do anything about the flames."
"It was a stark composition, graphite on paper, blackest shadow and pitiless, blazing light, jagged edges, and the cruel beauty of sunlight."
"Imagine our surprise when we discovered that we had created a post-capitalist, anarcho-syndicalist utopia entirely by accident."
"As of this writing, not even the Internet knows what 'status beam machines' are."
"In the comics, it always seems like they are trying to save the world. It seemed like one should try to make the world a better place because the inverse makes no sense."
It is remarkable how many things you can get to explode.
"Granulated chlorine with brake fluid - that's quite impressive. I'm lucky I have all my fingers."
"The men were heading to Russia at the height of its freewheeling post-Soviet days when rich guys could apparently buy space missiles on the open market."
"You can wake the Captain when the hurricane becomes sentient and grows missile pods."
"In other letters there were plans for a perpetual motion machine and a proposal for a giant inflatable rabbit that could be used to plug oil spills."
"Well, we will decide we're going into production and then a miracle is going to happen."
"...described the working atmosphere as a perpetual-motion machine that runs on a weird mix of dissatisfaction and eternal hope."
"I would like the charge connector to plug itself into the car, sort of like an articulating snake. I think we will probably do something like that."
When you want to talk about everything, you don’t want to talk about anything.
"Anyway, mountains were meant to be big, the fabric of the universe was used to the idea. The pyramid was a made thing, and much bigger than a made thing ought to be."
"Ptaclusp always felt uneasy in the presence of accountants, and four of them together was very bad, especially when they were all the same person."
You will embark on a personal journey exploring the world of creative art, discovering the secrets of harmony, balance, tranquillity and accessing your inner voice.
"He was fighting with himself over his wife. Now he's going mad because he doesn’t know whether it's an earlier version of him or someone he hasn't been yet."
"It was a great comfort knowing that the gods were there. It was knowing they were here that was the terrible part."
"No one is more worried by the actual physical manifestation of a god than his priests; it's like having the auditors in unexpectedly."
"According to my rough calculations a horse eating that much ought to be approximately spherical."
"How do you know he's dead? I realize that I may regret asking that question."
"In a world where we all move in curves he proceeds in a straight line. And going straight in a world of curves makes things happen."
"I can't imagine what we could put in tea that would make it any worse than the way you normally drink it."
"The men watched him carefully, in case of explosion."
"It actually made a weird kind of logic, if you didn’t factor in considerations like 'real life' and 'common sense'."
"When I am tired, people I normally dislike mildly I begin to dislike very much indeed."
"If complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting 'All gods are bastards.'"
"I thought that's what you said. I didn't believe it the first time either."
"I can see what it is, but what is it?"
"As suddenly as it had appeared, the magical tornado vanished. And there, occupying the space where the frog had been, was a frog."
"Have you got any better ideas? Ones that won’t take my head off?"
"No. Whatever it is you’re going to suggest, NO."
"You’re absolutely right. He’s really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance. There’s so much about the universe we don’t know."
"The water is supposed to be outside the boat, I know that much!"
"The assembled mages watched the big double doors as if they were about to explode, which shows how prescient they were, because they exploded."
"Oh, obvious. I’ll grant you it’s obvious. Trouble is, just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true."
Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.
"I know that man. He’s the one who sells goldfish that tarnish after a day or two."
"All living things go through Time backward. If the past is visible and the future is hidden, they say, then it means you must be facing the wrong way."
"Three days and four hours and six minutes to the very minute after she died, her wardrobe fell down the stairs."
"I never wished for anything in my life. I always made things happen. So much more rewarding."
In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded.
"Stone circles were common enough everywhere in the mountains. Druids built them as weather computers and since it was always cheaper to build a new 33-MegaLith circle than upgrade an old slow one there were generally plenty of ancient ones around."
"If you don’t go away, I will personally rip your head off and fill it with snakes."
Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.
You're made of lots of tubes and greeny purple wobbly bits.
What sort of person sits down and writes a maniacal laugh?
"Just so long as this one stayed in his office with the books, and didn’t go around acting as though he owned the place just because he happened to own the place."
"No, no one has been found dead so far today."
"That pasta’s all gone wrong. I’ve had it grilling for hours and it’s still hard as nails, the wretched stuff."
"Oh, no one’s dead. It’s the dinner, it’s still alive and hangin’ on to the ceiling. And the pasta’s all gone black, see."
"You mean...the one with the giant cabbage and the sort of whirring knife thing?"
"That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh."
Never drink any drink with a paper umbrella in it, never drink any drink with a humorous name, and never drink any drink that changes color when the last ingredient goes in.
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.
The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.
"A very special kind of stupidity. You think the whole universe is inside your heads."
A vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it.
Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.
"Give people jam today and they’ll just sit and eat it. Jam tomorrow, now—that’ll keep them going forever."
+++ Out Of Cheese Error +++ MELON MELON MELON +++ Redo From Start +++
"The Count was just telling me how he is planning to move into the castle and rule the country. And I was saying that I think we shall be honored."
"Unfortunately I doubt if we can find a slice of lemon five hundred miles long, but the metaphor will suffice."
"I strongly suggest you find a new plan, dear. One which works, perhaps?"
Questions don’t have to make sense, but answers do.
A jug never rains, but it pours.
If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying “End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,” the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.
"Qu means well, but if you listen to him you end up clanking when you walk and exploding when you sit down."
"People like that don’t need a reason apart from 'because I can'. They have a nightmare and try to make it happen."
Your feet can produce up to a pint of sweat in a day.
"Look, that’s why there’s rules, understand? So that you think before you break ’em."
"And I saw, sort of like rabbits, in many colors but basically a plaid pattern, kind of spinning around, and there was a sound as of like big syrupy things."
"You could barely understand the man, he was that posh. It was not so much speech as modulated yawning."
No excuses. No excuses at all. Once you have a good excuse, you open the door to bad excuses.
Write your code so that changes don’t disturb its placid surface.
"That sounds pretty, but it’s not exactly actionable. 'Just write your code so that changes don’t disturb its placid surface.' Right."
"He had decided that the rock was the centre of the universe, and he could prove it, but the rock just didn’t want to accept its obviously important place in the overall scheme of things."
Most horses won’t walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can’t see doesn’t exist.
The problem of the age is not imposing morality on the individual, but imposing morality on the organization.
Be sure you’re right and then go ahead.
"Once he tried to write down a simple definition using a combination of mathematical notation and the runes of this world’s alphabet. He gave up when the characters started to glow blue and crawl off the board."
There will be other days.
"I don’t think he’s slept in three days. He sits in there swilling that foul brew and muttering to himself."
"I don’t know. I feel as if I’m being nibbled to death by ducks."
It is easier and more certain to change yourself than to change another person.
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.
"If you eat that, I’m gonna put it on the menu and name it after you."
Even deathtraps need regular maintenance.
"Jerry thought about what a letter of recommendation from a council of wizards would look like in his resume file."
"Oh, but that almost never happens."
"It’s all over camp. Did you know you’re with the CIA and you’re recruiting programmers who are expert swordsmen to fight their way into Afghanistan so they can tap into the Russians’ SDI computer network?"
"If this agreement is breached, employee will immediately be struck by lightning and hereby agrees to forfeit his immortal soul."
"When do we get to meet this guy, anyway? I’d like to shake him warmly by the throat."
"We don’t have time to fix it, so we’ll call it a feature."
"Even if someone didn’t know that, it was obvious that a fire-breathing monster with an eighty-foot wingspan was not something to be approached as casually as a pony."
"Sleep? Isn’t that a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine?"
"Aw, they’d get the message after the first couple of explosions."
Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it well is the opportunity to do it again.
"The cooks say that now that they know what a pizza is supposed to be, they can make them."
"Jerry eyed Moira’s anchovy, onion, garlic and feta cheese pizza and said nothing."
"If anyone in this bunch has a choice between a good story and the truth, the good story will win out every time."
For health news, it is important to read the Daily Mail, which will tell you if last week’s miracle anti-cancer food has turned into this week’s cancer-inducing poison.
"The argument that Jeremy Corbyn is unelectable is being made by three candidates who can’t even win an election against Jeremy Corbyn."
"Cockroaches I can live with. They glow in the dark and that makes them easy to squash."
"This apparently does about four different things. Either that or it’s some kind of weird jump instruction."
"I don’t think he could have understood this stuff a month after he wrote it and I don’t have the faintest idea what is going on here."
Customer support is an art, not a science. So are most other forms of torture.
"Why 65,353? Jesus! You know, if this guy doesn’t come back we may never understand some of this stuff."
"She would miss them, with their strange jokes and their casual insanities and their odd, warped way of looking at the universe."
"i dreamt that all letters were equal, that the lower case must not rise up and take the capitals of the world but bring them to the sentence we already own."
The Internet these days is just a giant machine for telling you what’s wrong with the things you like.
"I APPLAUD YOUR EFFORTS, BUT THEY AVAIL YOU NAUGHT. STAND ASIDE."
"I CANNOT BE BIDDEN. I CANNOT BE FORCED. I WILL DO ONLY THAT WHICH I KNOW TO BE RIGHT."
"The second hand whirred along a circular path that even light would take days to travel, forever chased by the minutes, hours, days, months, years, centuries and ages. But the Universe hand went around once."
There’s nothing a kid likes more than grown-ups making prats of themselves.
"It would be a tragedy if the working relationship you and I have developed should come to a catastrophic end due to the sudden, unanticipated demise of one half of that relationship."
The best you can do is all you can do.
Life in the country, a good view and not too many neighbours seem to be some of the secrets to happiness.
"When a noncom of Del Conte's seniority deliberately lets his officer shoot his own foot off that spectacularly, that officer's usefulness is exactly nil."
"He didn’t tell me anything except SQUEAK and I don’t know what that means."
"The point was that people were dying and acts of incredibly stupid heroism were being performed."
"There was a long-drawn-out wail in the key of A, and then the organ exploded."
"They looked like a cross between a soft-shelled crab and an industrial vacuum cleaner, and tended to explode in fresh water."
"Why do I think that this isn’t going to be the answer?"
Know what must be done and do it, whatever the cost.
"Buddy tried to look as inconspicuous as a human can look if he is accompanying a dwarf with a big horn, an ape, and a troll carrying a piano in a bag."
"It ruined music, in his opinion, to torment it by involving it on dried skins, bits of dead cat and lumps of metal hammered into wires and tubes."
"What a city. In the spring, the river caught fire. About once a month, the Alchemists’ Guild exploded."
Something bloody stupid’s been going on here.
"It’ll all end with monsters from another dimension breaking through, you can rely on that. That’s the sort of thing that happens a lot in these parts."
"All right, you fellows. You can go back to prodding the universe."
"Get enough magic in one place and the fabric of the universe gave at the heel just like one of the Dean’s socks."
"The bridges were quite popular as building sites, because they had a very convenient sewage system and, of course, a source of fresh water."
"NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN’T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?"
"I AM ALWAYS ALONE. BUT JUST NOW I WANT TO BE ALONE BY MYSELF."
"The new owner had decided to go up-market. This was the only available direction."
"They didn’t need to speak. They just changed reality so that they had spoken."
"I think that one’s the three-headed fish of the Howanda three-headed fish religion."
"Yes, but that’s only because of unforeseen exothermic reactions."
"Why does everyone run TOWARD a blood-curdling scream? It’s contrary to all sense."
"It looked, at first sight, like a portable windmill that had been attacked by an enormous insect, and at second sight like a touring torture chamber for an Inquisition that wanted to get out and about a bit and enjoy the fresh air."
"IF PEOPLE KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULDN’T LIVE AT ALL."
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away—until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.
"But now...it wasn’t that he felt he understood, but at least he felt that there was something there capable of understanding."
"BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION."
"FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHT OF BIRDS."
"It made him think of wooden figures, whirling through Time until the spring unwound."
"A breeze sprang up. The cornfields moved, billow after billow unfolding across the slopes."
"I consider a lot of things. I spent this morning considering frogs."
Picture more fields, a great horizon-spanning network of fields, rolling in gentle waves...
All Things Strive.
+++ Big Red Lever Time +++ Query +++
"Good grief, you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren’t you? I like spiders. Snakes don’t worry me. Dogs? No. Rats are fine, I like rats. Sorry, is ANYONE frightened of that?"
"I’m sure he wouldn’t keep on eating them if they were addictive."
MERE ACCUMULATION OF OBSERVATIONAL EVIDENCE IS NOT PROOF.
Mere accumulation of observational evidence is not proof.
"STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE’S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT."
Some people will do anything for the sheer fascination of doing it.
Buy Volvo - there are no elk in Japan.
"It’s hard to say why a dog should quack like a duck, but she always has done and I’d be sorry if she were ever to change."
"A recipe for a pudding – essentially mashed potatoes with chocolate sauce – which was not a success."
"Somebody once told me why that is. Apparently the satellite has got a broken wing and now has to limp around in the sky like a three-legged dog."
"I learned that they were wandering didgeridoo teachers from Belgium who had come to ply their rather esoteric trade across Andalucia."
"I could imagine difficulties in finding pupils for Flemish didgeridoo lessons in wider Andalucia."
"I felt the time was right for me to have one, so I built a big cage and left the door open, and then started to get the energy up in order for a parrot to come."
You can’t get very deep into abstract subjects without using verbs.
"It was clearly a mad, ludicrously complex scheme, and one based on a whole rake of optimistic assumptions. No one in their right mind would ever commission such a project. I engaged Trev and his scheme on the spot."
"Its great advantage over Spain is that the Greeks have so far not destroyed the beauty of their coasts and islands. If they do, the old gods will never forgive them."
Never assume that what you’re running from isn’t somehow ahead of you.
"It's not driving us off the bridge. That's my favourite bit."
The power of the pie tin compels you!
"Having cooked actual GI MREs in repurposed coffee cans full of tepid water marginally warmed over oil lamps made from empty nylon sandbags immersed in buckets of jet fuel, that actually sounds rather good."
"Is this where we start talking about gravitational lensing again?"
"Because I am devloloper!"
"Near as I can figure, they were trying to fly the plane upside down through the barn."
"I am concerned that we don't have enough integers available."
A thing can be 'tried and true' or 'new and improved' but it's hard to credit anyone who makes both arguments simultaneously.
"I agree with the political themes, but for me they're handled with all the skill of a sledgehammer to the face."
"Everyone forgets the little stuff occasionally, and it's funny to have them just pause and hang up on you halfway through their explanation."
"The security weenies came in for an inspection, and seized our battery-powered vacuum cleaner because it was a wireless device."
"Environmental regulations forced us to pay someone to capture a seal, strap it to a board with earphones and play sonic boom sounds to see if it would become distressed and potentially not want to mate."
"I am pretty sure that any distress is as a result of being kidnapped and strapped to a board, not as a result of playing sounds through earphones."
"We didn't really DESTROY stars, we just...inhaled them. You know, for parts."
"Everyone assumed the gutter was for rain; apparently it was for cars."
"You know, that's what's so damn annoying, isn't it? The way they can be so incapable of any rational thought and so bloody shrewd at the same time."
"Since he’s beyond the event horizon, I’ve taken over his blog. Any amazing accomplishments he makes from now on were actually all me, and I should get the credit."
Everyone reveres Steve Jobs because he made a shiny white thing.
"We lost 3 members of the VDG, 5 WikiToLearn editors, and Sebas was the only Plasma developer to go, though watching him get sucked into a black hole was really, really cool."
"The fact that I spend most of my time so stupidly only makes it MORE important not to waste any."
"I'm pretty sure my dad's last words are going to be "don't worry, perfectly normal, everything's under AAAAAGH"."
The thing about bad technical decisions is that you can always undo them.
"This kind of just broke the internet."
If you don't want someone to have your e-mail address, don't publish your e-mail address.
"The format of the shipowners’ book was similar to that of the original register, with the minor exception that almost all the ships were rated A1."
"Let me get this straight, Skipper. Are you ordering us to object to your orders?"
"It was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself."
"You need to work up a better grade of threat. Get a little more sneer into your delivery, maybe grow a mustache so you can twirl it properly. I don’t know, SOMETHING."
"Oh, you ain’t seen bad yet, but don’t you go away, now. It’ll be along in a minute."
"All hands on deck. Sales reps approach through starboard portal. Charcoal-gray suits. Set warp speed to avoid IBM sales pitch."
"Be serious. Where we come from, it's 'In God we trust, all others we polygraph.'"
"Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be 'in command' of the mission if I were the only remaining person. What do you know? I’m in command."
"All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that'll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy."
"I could have finished faster, but I figured caution’s best when setting fire to rocket fuel in an enclosed space."
"Yeah. This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure."
"I was elated! This was the best plan ever! Not only was I clearing out the hydrogen, I was making more water! Everything went great right up to the explosion."
"Even with the hydrogen gone, I’m reluctant to hang out in a Hab that has a history of exploding for no reason."
"I’m no longer in danger of blowing myself up. The potatoes are growing nicely. Nothing has conspired to kill me in weeks."
"The first thing I did when I got in was wave my arms wildly while running in circles."
"Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10."
"Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off."
"As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation."
"I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for."
Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor?
"Thanks for gathering samples. But leave them behind. And one of your arms, too. Whichever one you like least."
"Houston, be advised we are going to deliberately breach the VAL to produce thrust."
"The next display supplied a complete contrast and accorded with British taste by ensuring that an awe-inspiring moment was immediately undercut by the ridiculous."
"I suppose if ordinary Stalkers are meant to go around killing people, maybe a mad one is the best sort to be stuck on a doomed hovery island thing with. Maybe it just wanted to have a nice chat about the weather. Or knit me a cardigan."
"We were supposed to be making the world green again, and all we have been doing is turning it into mud."
"Surfing down the sides of disintegrating cities inside fiberglass whales isn't really my cup of tea, I'm afraid."
"You could not go on calling a place 'Experimental Suburb M/L1' forever, not if you meant to live aboard it, and carry the culture and memories of your city away on it to new lands."
"Typical! You wait years for an all-powerful orbital heat-ray thingy and then two come along at once."
"It's not a city. It's a very large low-flying airship, and I intend to see that it comes to no harm."
Authors lose all their appeal to the public if they are only available in kit form.
If you turn the crank of a sausage machine backwards, pigs won't come out the other end.
"You're all under arrest. It turns out I have a long-suppressed megalomaniacal personality. Who knew?"
"You’re either what you say you are or you’re a complete lunatic."
"In answer to our obvious question her driver cheerfully admitted that he had merely driven up to see whether the rails were still there."
"At one particularly alarming moment Bill was moved to grab the handbrake only to be informed politely that he might turn it as much as he wished because this, the only orthodox means of arresting Dolgoch’s progress, did not work."
"This was written in a beautiful copper-plate script but had been partially devoured by mice."
"The abandoned passengers saw with dismay the engine of their train, still roaring and belching steam, disappearing up the line as fast as she could go. I was then left with the unhappy task of explaining that there could be no train that morning."
"The voices of our two telephones, though both disturbing in their import, were seldom or never connected by any mutual relevance."
"For five years there had been no new prams, trams, lawnmowers, streetlamps, paint or wallpaper, and it showed. All over the city things leaked, flapped, wobbled and smelt of cabbage."
"We were in the position of someone who could not afford a car, but had enough for the speedometer and the rear-view mirror."
"Military spending, the traditional, calculated destruction of blood and treasure. Treasure now, blood if Blue Streak ever melted Omsk into a puddle of radioactive glass."
"The silos could have six-hundred-ton steel and concrete lids. Or there could be gigantic hoses to wash away the charred debris of Suffolk that would have fallen on top of them."
"So we assumed that size equals power. And this thing came along, the size of an ordinary soup plate, nine inches in diameter, one inch thick, and it produced a thousand horsepower."
"Yes! And I have here the very envelope with the design on the back!"
"...a row of Engineers robed and hooded in white rubber, looking like novelty erasers."
"One hears stories about these air-ships suddenly going off bang for no reason."
"All new arrivals had to sign strict safety agreements and convince the harbourmaster that they were not likely to burst into flames."
"And we are experimenting with ways of turning it into a tasty and nutritious snack. We feed our prisoners on nothing else. Unfortunately they keep dying. But that is just a temporary set-back, I'm sure."
"I have never liked babies; nasty creatures, leak at both ends and have no respect for ceramics."
"Nonsense in produced nonsense out, with no allowance made for good intentions, no tolerance extended to the nearly right and the half right."
"They've proven to be very good at finding bugs, especially in front of large audiences."
"We will devour Mars, Venus and the asteroids. We shall devour the sun itself, and then sail on across the gulf of space. A million years from now our city will still be travelling, no longer hunting towns to eat, but whole new worlds!"
"From basic physics, I conclude that the hacker lives on the moon."
"Real life was commonly agreed to be a pretty interesting experience, and it didn’t have a number floating in the corner which went up every time you successfully crossed a road."
"It turned out that the copying process had somehow inadvertently moved the 255th line of code in the file out of place, this being an era when hardware would sometimes lose, leak or mangle the software entrusted to it."
Once you've simulated an environment in which it'll be fun to exist, you can just let the player exist, and it'll be fun.
"That’s what the universal engine in the microchip made possible; you could hide the equations that calculated the collision and let the consumer enjoy the bang."
"Similar Europe-wide initiatives resulted in a European standard for teletext, which didn’t work, and a European standard for high-definition TV, which also didn’t work."
"Ginny, 'crazed cold-blooded assassin' is the silliest oxymoron I've ever heard."
"Sorry, Special Officer Cachat. I think if there's anyone who's ever done something simultaneously cold-blooded and crazy, it's you. Oxymoron or not."
"Call me old-fashioned if you will, but I do not think high-heeled sandals are proper attire for a funeral."
"Yeah, that'll work, dead bodies will make anything seem plausible."
"Plans for what? Never mind. I can figure out the gist of it. Victor Cachat lunacy."
"Why wait for the madman? I'm sure the two of you can make up a crazy scheme all on your own."
"And since it's just going to be the two of us, nobody will mind if I eat you with my tongue."
Remain of good cheer!
"Diameter's a meaningless term. That structure doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to a sphere. Or any rational geometry."
"I got on, greeted the crew, lit my handlamp and put it down behind the driver. We set off. In less than a minute the lamp exploded."
What if some mathematicians figured out that 2 is actually 3 and you had to change your program?
"It wasn't precisely against regulations. But only because it never would have occurred to anyone that such a regulation was needed in the first place."
"In my wildest nightmares, I never considered that we could slam unthinking into a celestial body!"
"...wondering if a little 120,000 kilometer course error, not to mention forgetting that you were doing a close pass of a celestial body, was one hundred percent of the astrogator's abilities. The scary part was that it seemed to be."
"It turns out that if we hadn't had that forty minute delay when we were trying to get the course adjusted on the way in, we would have hit the planet."
"He was apparently a big advocate of 'crew quality time' and considered it team-building for everyone in the ship's company to risk their necks in a suicidal game of 'find the nearest stanchion with my head.'"
"With none of the pesky crew cluttering things up, it was possible to have a truly efficiently run ship."
"The one hundred and twenty-three personnel that your former XO had sedated have all been returned to duty, by the way."
"There must be something not quite right. It's not supposed to do that."
"Nobody knows exactly when we're going to arrive...least of all us!"
"He ties them to rocks. The rocks are big enough so the wind can't blow the chicken away, and yet small enough so that the chicken can drag them about."
"I knew this was going to happen..."
"Avicenna's great Canon of Medicine has remedies for almost every malady. Many of them even seem to work."
"If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they’d all answer 'fire'. If you asked them what the result would be, they’d answer 'death by fire'."
"I briefly considered only bringing one tank of hydrazine in at a time to reduce risk. But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in. Why not?"
"The bad news is I’d never removed them. The good news is the explosion removed them."
"It was working for quite a while before blowing up."
"Between deliberate burn-off and a bit of unexpected explosion, I’m back on track."
"You’d think after almost killing myself twice, I’d be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine."
"The RTG is a big box of plutonium. But not the kind used in nuclear bombs. No, no. This plutonium is WAY more dangerous!"
"As you can imagine, a material that can literally fry an egg with radiation is kind of dangerous."
"Family. That I have. That I will protect, as best I can. Whatever else."
"Soft drinks only, of course. But as far as the Germans were concerned, beer was a soft drink."
"I am supposed to present the news without commentary. That seems a bit foolish to me, since I do not know anyone who does not have an opinion on almost everything, including myself."
"The notables refrained from public sarcasm, since university students had a tendency to become riotous when mocked."
Give something a label and it stops being mysterious and devilish. It just is.
"If you can use the word 'amendments' to refer to something four times longer than what they're supposedly amending."
"It's quite common for probes to land on the wrong planet. Also, the probe's large, flat-panel hull is ideal for the high-pressure Venusian atmosphere. And, as we all know, probes often refuse to obey directives, choosing instead to attack humans on sight."
"Come on up here, Jack. You get to be the most Timward today."
"To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it’s 'Tuesday'."
"I'm in the airlock. I can see the Hab out the window; it's a good 50 meters away. Normally, the airlock is attached to the Hab. So that's a problem."
"The subtle and refined 'hurl my body at the wall' technique had some flaws. It worked only one out of every ten tries, and it hurt a lot."
It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.
"Sorry for the delay. I was required to make a bomb."
If you have to go round digging up graves to prove your own sanity then you’ve probably already lost it.
"Their grasp of the underlying theory of some of the machines they kept running was often fuzzy and sometimes bizarre."
"I have an idea, Billy-Bobby! Next time they ask if we're insane, we say YES!"
"I like waze because it helps me avoid traffic. Like instead of taking me on a dangerous road it just drives me to the end of a desolate pier nowhere near my destination."
Bad code is anything not written by you, or written by you more than a week ago.
"They found that http://website.example/backups/users.tgz resolved and downloaded it."
"This is an amp that could not just power huge speakers, but cause the paper cones of lesser speakers to become dangerous projectiles."
"Something very fundamental seems to have gone wrong, you see. You're dead in every sense but the, er, actual."
"...an itinerant pedlar whose money-making schemes were always let down by some small but vital flaw, such as trying to sell things he didn’t own or which didn’t work or, sometimes, didn’t even exist."
"Occasionally people would climb the mountain and add a stone or two to the cairn at the top, if only to prove that there is nothing really damn stupid that humans won’t do."
Humans are human and sixpence is sixpence, but corn is not just corn.
"What’s the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can’t blow something up?"
No-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away – until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.
Get things just a tiny bit wrong and the spirits of the vengeful dead may enter your head via your ears and blow your brains out down your nose.
Are you really a bastard or are you just really good at thinking like one?
"It's a harebrained idea, of course, otherwise YOU wouldn't have had it, would you?"
Do you know people can say what they like about you and take away your property, just because you’re dead?
"That is a sentence fragment that will have to escape my mouth and enter into other people’s minds, and Terry Pratchett is currently cackling at me from his great beyond because he KNEW this."
"He’d never realized that, deep down inside, what he REALLY wanted to do was make things go splat."
"You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away."
"Yes, good, please continue."
"I'd like to help you, Mr. Kusanagi, but this is an employment line and you already have a job."
It's okay. Everybody misses the painfully obvious solution occasionally.
"Was that a piece of his brain sticking out of his head? Not a doctor, but that doesn't look very good."
"Carrot solemnly took the book. It would never have occurred to him, if he was going to be an officer of the Watch, to be less than a good one."
“Right, fine, okay. If that’s how we're going to do it, that’s how we’re going to do it. If we get a dragon six inches long we'll all know the reason why."
"Thank you for your compliance with this exciting mandatory efficiency initiative."
Users with unacceptably deviant names will be assigned GUIDs for standardized interaction with all systems.
"You've reached the end of the worrying process! You've gotten to the worst possible answer you can find!"
"I decree, by the power invested in me through talking the loudest, that this is now our policy."
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
"It's a FALLING MACHINE. I'm so IMPRESSED."
"I have no idea why I read that. 4/5. Would read again."
"That barrel doesn't say ANYTHING about how magical the pickles are! I don't even think they're masterwork!"
"See, THIS is why you don't take your time killing the heroes!"
"Do you like meaningless hierarchies? We LOVE meaningless hierarchies!"
"Damn it! I was hoping to kill her, and here she had to turn herself into a dummy made of flour sacks!"
"Goodbye, pizza disc. Your breadstick brethren will miss you."
"Insertion of bread into that so-called toaster produces no toast at all, merely warm bread! Inserting the bread twice produces charcoal."
You cannot POSSIBLY be as stupid as you act.
"I cannot be blamed for this! There was a power vacuum! Logic and science DEMANDED that I wrest control of the empire!"
"There was all this CRACKLING, and then these people appeared right in the air and insulted me."
"She IS ahead of the game in that she didn't try it on a giant wolverine/snake thing with poison tusks."
"I never know if you're insulting me or not."
"Right. Now, let's get this over with before her Royal Sparkiness shows up and turns us all into FISH or something."
"Great. Now the crowd is trapped by the STALAGMITES, while the FLAMING MONSTER advances."
"That's a TERRIBLE plan! There's another TWENTY of them! We don't have enough minions!"
"Now we have an additional 72 snails in the living room. Fortunately, they are not particularly disruptive."
People's whole lives do pass in front of their eyes before they die. The process is called 'living'.
"We can now discover GPIOs properly from userspace. We still have not come up with a way to actually *use* GPIOs from userspace."
"Seriously, DAL is abstraction on top of abstraction on top of abstraction (grep for ->base.base.base)."
"Then he mailed me a scone. I think I'm giving up dating."
"Forty presents. No, NONE! No, give her five items and then steal two from her. Ok, breathe. Keep it together."
"Traditionally when an army ran low on supplies, the men would start eating the mounts. When an army with bears starts to run low on supplies, the mounts would start eating the men. This could be really bad for morale."
Free software development communities are a pain. They'll mess up your marketing schemes by, for example, taking the software into countries where you have no presence and no plans. They'll interfere with product roadmaps with unexpected innovation, adding features which you had not planned for the next few years - or, worse, features which were planned for a proprietary version.
"Every day, one after another, until we wake up and it turns out that's the day our world ends."
"Now get on your flying boat and stop a crazy dwarf vampire from committing election fraud!"
Do what you can, when you can, because who knows if tomorrow is even happening?
"Don't worry, we use fresh dagger for each customer. Very sanitary."
"Yes, yes, I heard you fine. It simply doesn't make any more sense upon repetition."
"OK, when normal people say that, they don't mean holding the gods hostage with an unstoppable killing machine via some improbable evil scheme."
"I cannot help but notice that despite my plain statements that this book is, literally, concentrated Evil oozed from a printing press, you are still reading it."
Do you like cru00e8me bru00fblu00e9e?
"The hotel I'm staying at has decided that light switches are unfashionable and replaced them with a series of Android tablets."
CPU cores are analogous to washing machines.
When in a hole, throw a dead cat on the table. This will head off any further discussion.
"If you put aside for the moment the certainty that something would definitely go horribly wrong..."
"There were no more funny questions. No-one wanted to risk getting answers."
"The Luggage backed away. It was used to terror, horror, fear, and panic. It had seldom encountered interest before."
"Failure isn't an option, we hardcoded it in."
"Tom Scott, cause of death: attacked by a vengeful wheel of eyes."
"Tons of glue adheres to the glue that is securing the glue to the glue that holds the phone together."
"Comms are NOT go, Flight. We forgot the antenna."
Hooray for gravity! And air!
"Ok team, let's try not to smash the engines again, alright?"
"As he is justifying his actions to his cat, I almost believe this is not a part of his clever plan."
"Tom, this is a pretty reasonable law. I don't want my house blown up by a cannon!"
"Can you please tell my colleagues again how you got a pair of scissors jammed in your eye socket? They don't believe me."
In order to make lemonade, you need lemons. The lemons no longer existing afterwards is crucial to the creation of lemonade.
"If I had to use coffee grounds to put out someone who was on fire, you wouldn't have hassled me about it."
"I'd have a lot of questions. Why was the person on fire? How did they end up in my shop? Why coffee grounds and not water?"
"Damn, and here I was just waiting for more people to burst into flames for my entertainment."
Just because you can do something does not mean you should do that thing.
"If the paper weren’t laid out in complete grammatical sentences and published in JACS, you’d swear it was the work of a violent lunatic. I ran out of vulgar expletives after the second page."
"If the paper weren’t laid out in complete grammatical sentences and published in JACS, you’d swear it was the work of a violent lunatic."
"I dunno, it looked like it would fit. Don't you ever get the urge to put something on your head and wear it like a hat because it would look funny?"
An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers.
"Back in the nineteenth century, chemists used to joke that you could tell who had just discovered elemental fluorine by reading the obituary columns."
It's no good wishing for something if you don't try to make it real.
"The pilot plant for this process suffered from some regrettable explosive bonfires before the whole idea was abandoned."
"It has also been established that tight or loose packing of books; the amount of alkaline reserve; reactions of DEZ with degradation products, unknown paper chemicals and adhesives; phases of the moon and the positions of various planets and constellations do not have any influence on the observed adverse effects of DEZ treatment."
"The only way of disposing safely of these materials was to throw them off the roof of the Chemistry Building. Apparently the resulting sheets of green fire were extremely spectacular."
"Even though the oxidizer explodes if you look at it funny and the fuel is a corrosive radioactive neurotoxin with a half-life of an hour?"
"EVERY idea is better than this idea!"
"Anyone ever synthesizing enough to even contemplate using it as a fuel for anything probably already has an underground volcano lair and nuclear-powered rockets, so the FOOF would just be for kicks."
"I doubt that you meant to do it that way. No one would mean to do it that way unless they had no idea of what they were doing."
"I doubt that you meant to do it that way. No one would mean to do it that way unless they had no idea of what they were doing."
"My only logging option is to hire monks to transcribe the subjective experience of watching my machines die as I weep tears of blood."
"The idea for this came to us after a long night of drinking in which it was determined that if the Linux kernel was to survive, it would need new programmers to fix all of the bugs that were recently added after a long night of drinking."
Multiplication is like addition, but with more addition.
"To dock at a different port, put some wheels on the bottom of the ship to spin the planet around."
"At least off-world it'll probably just not work instead of actively seeking to kill you."
"'Brilliant solutions' that solved everything, but typically exacerbated whatever problem they were supposed to fix."
"His name in real life sounded uncannily like the kind of fake made-up awesome name that TV detectives always have."
"My bon mot was not warmly received, so I retreated to my office before I got assaulted."
"All that trouble to put in a switch when all he needed to do was stick a piece of black tape over it."
"I'm glad I'm not the only one with a contingency plan for that."
"This feature is rigorously undocumented."
"Now imagine this tricycle is so poorly made that the company that made it does not recommend driving it in the rain because the electrical system will short out."
"If the wiring in the vehicle is made of pot metal and insulated with Foxconn workers’ suicide notes, you might question whether it’s a good idea to dump 600A through it."
"We concluded that the front subframe was apparently either made from tin foil or some sort of soft cheese."
"That's a much more reasonable problem. What am I supposed to do with all this surplus rage now?"
"It was like rifling through the journal of the sort of person who might make a lampshade out of human skin."
On our earth we are obviously much too small to clean out our volcanoes. That is why they bring no end of trouble upon us.
When in doubt, trauma-induced amnesia is the answer to your problem.
Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make your own.
That's ENOUGH crazy now!
"I only buy electronics made with conflict free magic smoke."
The early worm gets eaten by the bird.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
If they say they've solved their problem, NEVER ask how.
If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
If you don't have time to write clean code, you don't have time to write spaghetti and fix it later.
"Don’t put the jammer in the water and fire to avoid using in the bad, Condition of over-wet, over-hot, high voltage and high magnetism."
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
"Uh-huh. That is one of the goals of rockets, is not to explode."
"If the difference between the depth of the fish and the depth of the terrain behind them is large you end up with fish-shaped distortions."
"Hey, I'm an engineer; I meet insane people who are able to do basic math ALL. THE. TIME."
"I still can't imagine the mental leap that must occur to decide to DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR GRAPHICS CARD before asking any questions."
"Nothing can do something in less time than it takes to do nothing. It's a simple fact that shouldn't be hard to grasp."
"I think he did the only morally acceptable thing by killing everyone."
"If you're on Mac OS X or Linux, you probably got an error message like the following. If you're on Windows, your computer probably crashed and your motherboard is now on fire."
"Tomatoes on my kitchen counter routinely withstand accelerations of approximately 9.8 m/s for days on end with no visible loss of structural integrity."
"...then it would try to compute "8" to the "LLO" power, which would take several seconds of CPU time and result in a value of 0.76593020E+103, not a particularly helpful response."
"As for the white text, I don't know how it works but it had the word infinite in it so no."
"If I keep retrospectively adding nonsensical caveats, I'll have a point eventually..."
"The point is not that they violated physics in a nonsensical way. The point is that they went back in time."
"Find the corner of the bounding box that is invisible. That needs to be the coordinates for your offset."
"If I go fast enough, I can beat geometry!"
42% of startups fail because no-one actually wants their product.
"No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. Americans are 138 times more FREE to be murdered with a firearm than Britons."
"She still comes to see her old dad, my little girl. She was the only one with the strength of character to murder me."
"Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
"I refuse to be upset that the live video delivered to my phone from a robot barge expecting an autonomous upright rocket landing didn't work."
"I wonder how many biscuits he tried before he found ones that could handle being lathed."
Sometimes cutting through infinitely folded space-time requires the use of power-tools.
"For some reason, blowing up ships with launch vehicles to keep them safe from being blown up by launch vehicles sounds questionable."
Educators teach one corner of knowledge instead of dividing the hemispheres into four corners like a pie. All further divisions have to be made in corners.
Four is the largest and smallest number in the universe.
Earth body 4 corner time equals 4 leg mobility. Your ignorance of Harmonic Cube is demonic.
Truth note: Earth has 1 Day even if it stood still... and 4 Days in 1 rotation.
Belly-Button Logic© Works. When Does Teenager Die?
Planets are created via opposite rotating poles!
-1 x -1=+1 is stupid and evil.
Evil is cubeless. God is cubeless.
"End-user documentation is best when it doesn't assume that the user has any prior knowledge. The point in time when I'm closest to perfect lack of knowledge about something is before I've built it. So, that's the best time to document it."
"The lawyers at AT&T, which owned Bell Labs, were aghast that thousands of students were learning all about their product. This had to stop."
Do not trust documentation blindly; it could be wrong.
Social engineering is often less effective when the victims are aware that you're trying to socially engineer them (for example, by announcing your intent to do so on the Internet)."
"It's true that Apple could have designed the iPhone this way, if Apple was staffed exclusively by idiots."
"New plan, guys! I'll tell you what it is after I think of it."
"I am suspicious that this may just be little more than an Instagram filter I can strap to my face."
"It’s about being the person who says “WHY must the show go on?” when everyone else is running around like headless chickens and enjoying the dramah."
"I'm now part of it! I'm structurally integral to the roof!"
"Hey guys, we're getting reports of people angrily tweeting boat companies on Twitter, don't do this please."
"If we transplanted the hair from at least 20 human heads onto a blue whale, it would have enough hair to perform acrobatics at a circus."
"Because while no one NEEDS a rainbow worm covered in Gummi Bears, WHY THE HECK NOT?"
"Vegan roommate left a dead lizard on the kitchen bench in case we wanted it. Not to eat, just in general, this was a very strange thing."
Once you reveal that you can do the impossible, you are stuck being the 'hey, do the impossible thing again' guy.
"The username is w13733 and the password is gbigbi01. These are hardcoded in the app. The ascii-encoded hex can be replaced with 0s and the login succeeds anyway."
Is what you're doing more important than anything you've never had time for?
There are a million ways to do anything. Most of those are bloody stupid.
Do the simplest thing that can possibly work.
Don't put unprintable characters in your code.
The annoying thing about rockets is that pretty much everything is critical to success.
"When I ask a computer for a thing, I want that thing. If I wanted a different thing, I would ask for that different thing. When the computer does not do what I tell it, I expect that it is broken, not that it is helpful."
"Probably a good time to edit out your comment before you become universally loathed. Just suggesting."
"If you were on the plane, you gained hit points until you reached twice your original total. At that point, you exploded."
"I swear this is actually real and it actually costs actual money that actual people on planet Earth actually paid for it."
"They didn't cut corners. They 'ergonomically rounded' them."
Throw pillows suck. They serve no purpose. They're purely decorative.
"That's...ALMOST an explanation."
Music SHOULD be free - and sausages in a bun should be a dollar each, mustard extra.
"Fascinating, Captin! Our sensors cannot distinguish it from REAL onion soup!"
"I CAN'T keep calm! I have a Border Collie!"
Space doors to fifty!
Hangar locked. Space doors to zero.
"KDE developers, too, were unhappy with our article. In fact, nobody seems to have liked it."
Things to worry about, #413029: Prank holographic manhole covers.
"But it gets worse. It always seems to, with polonium."
You only win the Bitcoin version of Monopoly when you find the real Satoshi Nakamoto.
If you do actively malicious things in your own directory, you get what you deserve.
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
"After playtesting, we all had an intimate understanding of which washing machine we should buy next."
Today's weather forecast is really weird.
"Or one person's [Note to John: what the heck is this? Find out and insert here] becomes another's Mardi Gras cactus mask."
"I would assume this was taken around the 4th of July or Memorial Day, both holidays known for their inclusion of...turtles. Erm. Yeah."
"Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors?"
"That's actually quite useful for, ah, for just poking random things across."
"I don't want one of our customers having video evidence of me running around the workshop with Batman boxers on my head."
"This bar will be enormous, color-coded, will obscure the entire screen, and will always say something like 'Cracking Into Pentagon: 45% Complete.'"
"Well, look here. If you analyze these vellum pages REALLY thoroughly - you get instructions on how to BUILD a COW."
"Measure once, rivet panel over hole, drill twice."
"Last month I couldn't type using both hands at the same time or my brain would cramp. Quite an 'interesting' phenomenon - it's like having debugging traces from your own mind."
"The future is the past, the past is the future; it all gives me a headache."
Noble sacrifices only make sense when they solve the problem at hand.
"Note that the 'current version' string must always be '2.4.2'."
"Yes, I realize those look an awful lot like anti-ship missiles. I have no other comment about that at this time."
"Even better, if it IS necessary to reload the whole universe, the screens remember what image you selected."
"I set out on a journey of desperation to fix the problem in other ways, employing methods ranging from the unconventionally experimental to random acts of escalating violence."
"I'm sorry! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"
"The national anthem is now the first three Star Wars movies, the capital is now SPACE, and storing files on a shared root directory is punishable by death."
"Ah. I see you're someone with a sense of humour. Unfortunately for you, I'm not."
"My leading theory is that the em drive produces thrust by accelerating speculation out of the back."
In the face of ambiguity, refuse the temptation to guess.
Cheer up! If all else fails, you can set the building on fire.
If your 'clever' solution is incomprehensible a day later, it was bloody stupid.
There is no such thing as a random number; there is only a randomized process for selecting numbers.
"There was a doorway where she thought the wall was, and she just kind-of disappeared mid conversation."
"I would cut the table in half and then cut my arms off to prove that it couldn't have been me that cut the table in half."
As a public service announcement, recursively removing all of your files from / is no longer recommended.
WARNING: This laptop may be affected by gravitational fields.
"Traditionally, you would use an expensive decoupler to drop the capsule. But it's actually cheaper to make it explode."
Why use a heat shield when you can use a tank still partially filled with rocket fuel?
"I'm more completely at a loss that the guy that owns Tesla, the guy that owns a company that is putting a rocket into space tomorrow, just sent me a video of a cat riding a roomba chasing a duck."
It is important to view knowledge as sort of a semantic tree - make sure you understand the fundamental principles before the details or there is nothing for them to hang on.
You're worried about the WRONG THING again...
The Adobe Updater must update itself before it can check for updates. Would you like to update the Adobe Updater now?
"And by that, I mean the one that got freakin' 23d6 sneak attack dice."
"Lies. You're both belittling the genius of my quote."
"The 'using yourself as an improvised weapon' bit is also somewhat questionable."
"Right out of the gate, there's a strong difference of opinion between our one candidate."
"It's passing about 220 milliamps. That's quite a lot - that would hurt - that would hurt SO MUCH - that would spoil your cup of tea quite dramatically!"
It's so easy to look in the mirror and see everything you hate.
"I'm also confident, though somewhat less so, that this experiment has never been conducted."
"I learn something new every day, and sometimes I wish I didn't."
"The wheels now stay in place, which means that vehicles continue to not move as they should."
A team full of hammers will go around looking for nails. A team that’s a whole toolbox might figure out what really needs doing.
A question that invites 386 different 'answers' isn't a question at all.
Higgs Bugson: A hypothetical bug predicted to exist based on a small number of possibly related event log entries and vague anecdotal reports from users.
Shrug Report: a bug report with no error message or repro steps and only a vague description of the problem. Usually contains the phrase "doesn't work."
"The feature does exactly what was asked for, but it turns out that the problem was misunderstood and it's basically useless."
Only looking at specifications gets you an ugly, fragile, heavy piece of plastic with 20 minutes of battery life.
"Increment the accumulator twice, and instantiate an object of a new subclass of the generic superclass. Due to the best principles of object hiding, this object cannot be accessed in any way."
"X: Makes the programming language Turing-complete. How this is supposed to be achieved is not clearly specified."
"You could even ask the Cantaloupe to find_by_email. Why worry about which model it will find? You'll find something by email; that's for sure!"
"There's just one thing that bothers me...why do I have to type control-meta-left-bracket to get an upper case 'Q'?"
"Other hackers, however, thought having that many bucky bits was overkill, and objected that such a keyboard can require three or four hands to operate."
Do not fill this laptop with water and drink from it.
"It could sew faster than a foot per second. And it would do that through anything you could fit under the presser foot, including your thumb."
"Well, that was a pretty successful failure."
Not only are bananas not being injected with HIV, it wouldn't survive more than a few seconds outside a body. So, really, just be wary of people sprinting up to you with a banana and demanding you eat it fast.
"He's on so many lists by now, they made a list to keep track of all the lists he's on."
"AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU LAUNCHING A PLANET-SIZED GIANT OCTOPUS INTO SPACE?!"
Delivery of a joke is far more important than the content.
"When my parents came home there was no explaining why our cat was blue."
"You mean more confusing than listing characters, anti-clockwise, from the bottom left, by author?"
Many people think the universe has a big sign on it that says "Do Not Touch".
"West 4th street does a quantum tunneling trick, vanishing into 7th avenue and emerging from Stonewall Place, which is also Christopher Street depending on what sign you happen to see, then prances up to cross West 10th in a way that makes no fucking sense at all."
"If you still want to send me a picture of your baby, please be advised that I will expect your baby to be Fedexed to my apartment within 72 hours."
"Exactly. If it was simultaneous, then it sounds like she was just trying to clap in approval and OP's face was in the way."
"WARNING! Acme constructs each Klein Bottle from genuine Baryonic matter. Do not allow your Acme Klein Bottle to come in contact with antimatter or unpredictable results may occur. Acme cannot guarantee the dimensionality of the result."
"A Klein Bottle has zero volume, so we suggest that you do not use it as a personal flotation device."
For best results, avoid doing stupid things.
"...not actually intended to test whether you are actually any good at what is being tested, concentrating instead on your proficiency at following arbitrary instructions."
"It does technically work, but there is no circumstance in which I could ever see myself using it."
"It is interesting, the number of comments on various sites and blogs this morning suggesting freshwater lakes, parachutes, mechanical arms, oil rigs, and any number of other wildly complex solutions."
It's not a rant until someone has to place a furniture order.
"It was just a matter of time before something exploded unintentionally."
"I might actually buy another of these to see it blow up again."
"The side of THIS capacitor has just, oh, I guess it's probably somewhere in the room?"
"So, this is the component - here - that's just exploded..."
"THIS is a potato. THESE are potato electrodes. THIS is a clamp meter."
"A typical potato can handle about one billion gigawatts. But it tends to make a bit of a bang."
"Okay, so that's 240 watts, which is...quite high for a typical potato. Oooh!"
"For technical reference the 'star' at the top of the tree is a 4700 ohm resistor connected directly across the 240V AC mains supply."
"If he had simultaneously ran DC to a 'control' elephant and it remained unharmed, you might be on the way to proving something."
"The analogy that removing the shirt damages the shirt isn't quite accurate. A better one would be that removing the inside-out t-shirt rips your arm off."
"I haven't lost any FILES, I just lost the colour Blue in the files. But the problem is fixed now, thanks for taking care of that for me."
"Don't worry, it can sew through the safety goggles as well."
"Well, at least the pieces were bigger this time!"
"I refuse to consider French bulldogs to be real bulldogs. They are chihuahuas that have been hit in the face with a frying pan."
"...that pseudo-academic, view-from-nowhere style that serves Wikipedia well."
"I think lightsabers would be good for measuring a lot of things. And, as a bonus, if the thing is too long to measure with a lightsaber, it can also solve that problem."
Why does Wikipedia have a list of fictional raccoons?
"I want too many fictional things."
"The conflicts, in which vendors raided one another's vans and fired shotguns into one another's windscreens, were more violent than might typically be expected between ice-cream salesmen."
"...like this big plasma blowback that fried the upper stage. I wasn't expecting that."
"It collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls."
If you don't own up to a particular identity, you can't complain if someone pins one on you.
"I really don't expect a premium laptop lauded for build quality and durability to damage itself simply by CLOSING IT."
"Can't really tell you much about the instructions, they're in Chinese...it says 'pick it up and stick it in your drink.'"
"This thing is just so ridiculously dangerous! I love it!"
"Whoa guy, what are you doing? You're supposed to berate the GP for his lack of knowledge and inability to coalesce knowledge from the ether by will alone."
If it works, don't fix it!
"This Tuesday will be HUGE! If Obama wins the election, it could generate coverage DEVASTATING to Romney's position in the tracking polls!"
"Wait a minute, you bought that outfit specifically SO I could make fun of it?!"
"You're an idiot. A weirdly flattering idiot, but an idiot nonetheless."
"Remember, this is a species that mistook some very large objects for smudges on their instruments for years, and needed to go to space to figure out how ladders work."
General Order #11: The cheese must be kept safe at all times.
"Cheese in sight! Claw deployed! We are home-going ALL the cheese!"
"Hold still cheese, not moving be!"
HEALTH WARNING: Drinking ten gallons of carrot juice may cause liver failure.
"Something's jamming the system! I think it's a baguette!"
Say "intermittent fault" to any programmer and watch their face fall.
"Disclaimer: I've never actually seen a mongoose or an antelope. My zoology may be inaccurate."
Beware of X-Y problems.
"It attacks frantically, because doing something has to be better than doing nothing. This is not well adapted to the type of problems computers produce."
When designing AI for a single-player game, the goal of your AI is not to win.
"You've read two words of what you quoted, and imagined what the rest of the reply says."
If you can't accurately name a function in three words, split it up.
"Full networking, because someone's /usr could be NFS. wpa_supplicant, because you could conceivably mount that NFS directory over wifi or something, if you like juggling chainsaws."
"If anyone ever gave me full control over the openSUSE budget...I’m fairly confident I would spend every penny on small, green Chameleon plushies. Just to see how big a pile of them I could make."
"I'm trying to appear to be an incompetent maintainer so that someone will offer to take over. It isn't working yet."
"Despite that story being amazingly awful, somehow I STILL don't want to kill you."
Design in layers, implement flat.
"You'll need a large staff of engineers to develop and teach this protocol, and you'll have to buy lots of custom gear to speak it, but on the upside now your costs are higher and you're uncompetitive so the problem of size won't last long."
All stupid plans are subject to immediate rejection.
"Yeah, I'm trying to artificially improve the memories people will have of me when I die."
We're in one of the few parallel universes where humanity did survive and most of the others are nuclear wastelands. A few others have sentient ducks.
"You know, it's really creepy when you just stare at the back of my head for hours."
"The houses! They're pastel-colored!"
"That's not a reaction. It's a statement."
"You...you can eat it - if you put butter and salt on it it tastes like salty butter."
"If you put butter and salt on it it tastes like salty butter."
Find small, repeatable, positive actions that you can do every day.
"Have you tried swearing a lot and setting things on fire? Because that worked for him."
"In his team, they have a full-size Justin Bieber cutout that gets placed facing the team member who broke the build."
"Time continuity working as intended. Ticket closed."
"Sorry folks, the economy is cancelled. Everyone go home and destroy your money. We'll work out something new next week."
"If you're on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Space Shuttle. If you're on the left side of the aircraft you can probably see people on the right side of the aircraft looking at the Space Shuttle."
"Altitude...uh...negative two?"
Excessive use of the third-person imperative may lead one to slowly become insane.
There is, in fact, tea in 'team'.
"My plan is to just say words out of my face sometimes and hope no one notices that it makes no sense that I’m there."
"Scientists think a nanobot could replicate in about 100 seconds, meaning this simple mistake would inconveniently end all life on Earth in 3.5 hours."
"On the plus side, Mercury’s gravity is only 38% of Earth’s, so you could jump around in a silly way as you died instantly."
The trick with cat ballistics is to get a good spiral going, like a football.
"I like to leave my emotional baggage unattended in airports."
"This is the way the world ends - not with a bang, but only because explosions don't make sound in space."
"The name was not given by us, nor was our intention to design a building which resembles a prawn."
"They've been subtly manipulating things all along, hiding behind the fact that they don't exist."
"My husband's always trying to get me to take more risks, but that's how you get your head cut off and replaced with a camera."
"Actually, any ideas why my christmas lights aren't serving web pages?"
"We recently resolved an IT issue with the CFO. She informed us that not everyone knows that you have to turn on your wifi for the internet to work. Please remember to turn on your wifi for the internet to work."
You have to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
The Sun is a giant flaming ball of hydrogen, materially, empirically speaking... but it's also a smiling face in a child's drawing of a house, a god dying and being reborn, day and light and life, heat and thirst and cruelty, time, the seasons, the year, a ball of dung being pushed across the sky by a titanic, invisible beetle.
You understand kids aren't science kits, right?
"This is definitely the most complex sun visor in history - we probably shouldn't have done that."
"We added one leaf to the tree of knowledge, and that leaf was 'nope, it's not possible'. There goes seven years of my life."
"In general this makes it useless for travel, as most organisms cannot survive having their component particles redistributed amongst the entire universe."
Things meant to look like things often look more like things than things.
"Yes. The data, it was stale, you see. Only fresh data can go into the database. Otherwise it attracts ants."
"Come on, Little Whiskers! It's just an enormous piece of highly complex physics-defying machinery that makes loud scary whirring noises, I don't see what the big deal is!"
"Well, I thought long and hard on how I could make your life personally more difficult, and this is the result."
"Well, I thought long and hard on how I could make your life personally more difficult, and this is the result."
"So now we're skillfully combatting their prowess with our ineptitude."
"It's not over-analysis when every stray thought about the film has to be quashed lest you realize how stupid the movie is."
If at first you don't succeed, that's one data point.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
"That's weird, we're getting a pressure alarm - it says there's a breach in the fourth wall."
"I must find a thing called 'biscuits'. I will do science to it."
Phillips head screwdrivers and soldering irons are not often interchangeable tools. People who think they are should not be lent either.
"Even if you’re just here for the popcorn and explosions, the explosions will be more fun if you know who’s exploding."
"He had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly."
All is right with the world when there is a queue.
"Due to our strong personal convictions, we wish to stress this comic in no way endorses a belief in Michael Jackson."
The two cardinal uses of the internet are arguing with strangers and looking at pictures of cats.
You can't just go around killing people whenever you want to. It's not polite.
"...the point and click staple of clicking everything with anything and then being mildly annoyed at what you found stuck."
Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't.
The most successful hoax in history is the notion that anyone knows what they're doing, ever.
"We've just had four failures and the world is in financial ruin, but would you like to give us some money?"
"Maybe...it shouldn't be the President piloting this. Maybe a pilot would be better."
"The arctic is close to Britain but, it kinda sucks over there, and so, that's why America is not there, and it's where it is."
Biological horses got super upset if you tried to power them by fire.
"His first move was to go try to get a job. The tactic he came up with was to walk into the lobby, uninvited, stand there awkwardly, be too shy to talk to anyone, and walk out."
Less talking! More building giant triangles!
"It's this new 'sincerity' thing I've been trying. It's like going vegan, but for your emotions."
"I consider a lot of things. I spent this morning considering frogs."
"Can we please not turn my social life into a nature documentary?"
"The plastic clone babies wearing naught but mohawks are bad enough, but then they're also riding carrots."
"It looks like some kind of perverted vegetable rodeo, or maybe a bizarre clone military exercise."
Baking is science for hungry people.
"Okay, everything went melty for a second there, but that means I've got at least a couple hours before total psychosis."
"You're not being subsumed. A cricket got stuck on your motherboard and fried itself."
"If you HAD actually died doing something that stupid, we'd be mocking you all the way to your funeral."
"No, I think I'm making headway! She only used lukewarm coffee today."
The only thing dumber than an argument on the Internet is the same argument in real life.
"Heat plot over medium-high heat in saucepan, stirring occasionally until plot thickens. Add vegetables."
"I said SMILE, not HORRIBLE RICTUS!"
"It has a CNET 10 out 10 for high quality user friendly malware."
Here and now, you are alive.
Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn’t believing. It’s where belief stops, because it isn’t needed anymore.
All proverbs are better if you replace one of the words with 'lion'.
"We appreciate your patience. Please try not to bleed to death."
"I said bring it back in one piece. I did not say 'bring back one piece.'"
"Apparently people like it when you're nice to them. I may have to revise my business model."
"No Puffins Were Harmed In The Brewing Of Your Coffee. We Like Puffins!"
Alcohol is an inefficient means of self-medication.
"Is there, like, a manual to tell when you're being serious?"
"As the manager on duty, I immediately took the appropriate action: I took a picture to post on the internet."
"It will literally burn ice, rapidly; that's one of the reactions guaranteed to produce a powerful explosion."
"+10 Horrible: There is no conceivable way the proposed plan could end up with the subject ahead, or the worst-case scenario is guaranteed to occur."
When something that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it is usually impossible to get at or repair.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a nonworking cat.
"The doctor just wants to see if there's a skeleton hiding inside your body. But don't worry, she probably won't find anything."
Duct tape has a dark side, a light side and holds the universe together.
"The cappuchino machine is on fire, the storefront window has melted, and the manager would like to have a word with you."
"The scar is where they removed all of her internal organs and replaced them with missiles."
"Tell them I overdosed on black hair dye and died. I came back from the dead to feast on the stupidity of the living."
"You seem to be holding your liquor pretty well. The problem is that you're currently holding enough of it to kill and preserve the remains of a rhinoceros."
"Please, PLEASE tell me that's just tomato sauce and you didn't explode the neighbour's cat or something."
"I don't explode cats. It's WAY too difficult to coax them into the microwave."
It turns out that eels don't care about Derrida, they just want to eat fish.
"That would also explain your subsequent monologue about using quantum physics and burnt toast to achieve immortality."
"I have elbows!!!"
"Whenever you say something nice about me I always end up getting punched."
"He is like a psychotic gecko."
"If it is such a bad idea, why are you putting on your jacket?"
"How do I hex edit or breakpoint edit an executable so that I can use night Sky Google Earth mode in flight simulator like Earth, Moon, or Mars, like change a byte to make choosing Mars choose night sky instead of mars?"
The end user knows that hitting it makes it work. The technician knows where to hit it to make it work. And the engineer knows why hitting it there makes it work.
"You have to turn it on when it's off, otherwise it won't do anything."
"You are clicking on a screenshot within our instructions. Find the window that resembles the screenshot and click on the icon there."
"This plan lasted a few seasons until, in a sudden fit of homicidal rage, the sponge slaughtered 3 dwarves in rapid succession with mighty blows of its <not exactly sure>."
Do not try to drill/enlarge holes in the T61 motherboard to make it fit!
"Yes - 'shutdown' shut the computer down. To restart, you should click on 'restart'."
Would anyone now even THINK of airdropping beavers?
"I think the hand with the banjo is the taketh-ing one. Otherwise he'd pretty much only be able to giveth banjos."
If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
"In this usage 'guilty' means that you committed the crime, not that you feel guilt."
You decided to save money and fix it yourself. Then you likely decided to save time by not fixing it at all.
"Everyone knows that a cornered animal is dangerous, and, in Dwarf Fortress, carp are a perfect example of this."
"It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care."
"The magma bath, or mist, would be to burn the child to remove all the fat, thus making them flame-retardant."
"The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?"
"You guys are all deranged psychopaths, but you're the kind of deranged psychopaths that I would love to have tea with."
"The statue itself contains an ungodly amount of items built into it, and contains what would appear to be the entire history of the world in which it was created. It also includes 73 images of itself."
This is a hard cheese sandwich. This object is adorned with sesame seeds and cheese. The item menaces with spikes of bread.
"The new broker immediately endears himself to me by mandating the production of toy forges."
"I finished making the Broker's mini-forges. He immediately issued a mandate that no mini-forges could be exported."
"I will file this along with the fast moving robotic arms, hovering jet engine system, giant nets, foam pit, ball pit, giant catcher's mitt and rapidly mobile yet very large catch-basin of de-ionized water."
Instructions are just the manufacturer's opinion.
Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for dessert is pudding, even pudding.
"Congratulations. You just invented 'negligent regicide'."
"Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter."
"When one charger exploded, internal inspection suggested the CE mark on the back was totally meaningless."
A warranty is not insurance.
SKREEEE!
"This is bad, in that I have no one to report to if my boss throws a pipe wrench at my head."
"I will tolerate a fair amount of nonsense for a reliable supply of potato chips."
"The severity of the breach espoused in extradition attempts belies the theory of a honey pot, while the lack of a giant space fleet hanging out around Earth belies the theory that there is a giant space fleet hanging out around Earth."
Sacrificing minions: Is there any problem it CAN'T solve?
It would be neat to have a cron job that sends you a pizza regularly.
"The problem isn't that Rodrigo can't sing anymore. He could never sing. The problem is that now he thinks he used to be good at it."
"This is a fantastic book, but it might leave people thinking that all technology is powered by woolly mammoths and angels."
"My problem isn't losing screws, it's finishing the reassembly and having 3 left over."
Troubleshooting, Step One: Separate all separable components.
If there is neither a relevant Dilbert nor a relevant XKCD then the problem doesn't actually exist.
Nobody has two visible eyes in the future. Your choices are eyepatch, cyborg eye, flight goggles, or Geordi LaForge visor.
You are awake. The Department of Repose recommends sleeping at this time to optimize health scores.
You are awake. The Department of Repose recommends sleeping at this time to optimize health scores.
"My guess is they want to come in the store, but they don't know how to work our primitive door handles."
"Cosmetic stuff. I had a scar removed and my head re-attached."
If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky.
Rocket science is easy. It's rocket engineering that's hard.
"There must be a filter of some kind. When he picked up my broom, it didn't morph into some kind of quantum ultrabroom."
"Seconds later, Ardent was decapitated by a superconducting eggbeater."
Now is better than never. Although never is often better than *right* now.
If the implementation is hard to explain, it's a bad idea.
If you do nothing, nothing will go right.
"I'm afraid I don't understand. And also afraid that I do."
Fire is like tape. If it isn't working, you just need more.
Get at least 3 hours of sleep. Preferably in a bed.
"The Mad Science section was started because the rest of the boards kept getting derailed by discussions on the enthalpy of portable holes."
"That wasn't a staring contest. I just lost interest in the huge spider on your face."
"These people don't have backgrounds. They have cleverly consistent alibis."
"You made one mistake. You took my hat. I LIKE my hat."
"Holy camera! We've hit the sun!"
"Your book makes like three points, and two of them are the same point."
"I am the ghost of Hackutron Five and I have ghost hacked your systems. If you touch the systems, I will hack them to explode. You will all die in a fire."
Just think, any dinosaur you see on the street could be a ninja inside a hologram.
"Worst-case outcome: serious injury or death. Risk of occurrence: Certain. Mitigation procedures: N/A."
"That WHOLE BATCH of proximity fuses had nannyrot! Somebody must have used my coffeemaker to make COFFEE!"
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
"It's nice to know that if the computer fails, you still have something to store yesterday's tuna fish salad in."
"Sadly the little known 'not exploding' rule has to be invoked (see rule 1)."
"Obviously this isn't FTL unless FTL stands for 'forget the logic'."
"Since the Stations Z8 through Z12 we've seen were actually Alternate Reality Gordon Monsters, they're not being counted."
"After 3 hours of building, Scott has made a vehicle that goes slightly faster than walking speed!"
If you put your mind to it, you can do anything. But you won't.
"For this reason, most serious proposals involve a hollow mountain. I mean, serious compared to the other ones."
"The official rules are completely pointless, and make sense only because the standard is written for some random 'abstract machine' that doesn't actually exist."
You cannot accidentally make a pulsejet, even if a vital part of it has just caught fire.
"Note to self: Do not make jet engines out of firewood."
"I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion."
If something goes on for a long time without serving its stated purpose, its stated purpose is probably a lie.
"Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work."
"All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away."
"Tragically, the impossible angle of Johnny's uppercut here apparently caused his right leg to melt off."
"Perfect. Now you lie down and relax, the monkey and I are going hover-boarding."
"Yes, exactly that colour, but green."
"'Buy good insurance' and 'don't ride inside' are not what I want to find in the winning bid."
"Are you trying to use an alien sociopath with uncontrollable appetites as a moral compass, or are you just being hypothetical?"
"Eat it, kill it, make friends with it, or take a bath in it. THOSE are the points on your moral compass."
Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future.
from __future__ import timetravel
"On an early attempt, the loco was inspected at Heaton Mersey and it was found that all of its brake blocks had melted."
"Assuming that the submarine is made of metal, I expect that it would be not only crushed and molten but also dissolved in the metallic hydrogen."
"Adding hot methane to a tank of LOX would definitely increase the pressure."
Stop and refactor, that code is terrible.
Make it work, then make it work right, THEN make it fast.
"The cheap cables work better due to copper's antimicrobial properties. Though for the most part, a good firewall that heats incoming packets to at least 160°F should kill anything bad."
Otters are playful animals and appear to engage in various behaviours for sheer enjoyment, such as making waterslides and then sliding on them into the water. They know nothing about computers.
"That's actually how magnets work. They steal energy from nearby batteries and turn it into an attracting force, incidentally the same principle that keeps penguins in tight groups."
"Listen, I'm just looking for a one-page resume for this position, not a large corpus of Sanskrit holy texts."
"He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat."
Every time anything failed, it 'was working a minute ago'.
"I'm not sure what a station goods-yard wharf garage is. Did they run out of commas?"
"All audio cables are directional. For best results have the arrow pointing in the direction of the flow of music. For example, NAS to Router, Router to Network Player."
There are probably few commuters out there who haven’t, at some point, tiredly tried to Oyster into their house.
Meetings: The practical alternative to work!
"The mockup was our competitor's product with duct tape over the logo."
"What do you mean you can't help me? YOUR chocolate chip cookie dough caused a jam in MY toaster!"
"My preferences are fact, and anyone who feels differently is stupid."
The safest way to prevent unauthorized access is to prevent access altogether.
The average horse can output 15 horsepower.
Compiler output nonsensical in line 2: line should not exist.
Unless there's been an especially strange freeway accident, your car is currently within the Earth's atmosphere.
"I really don't think that 'just bend it back' is a proper Customer Support answer from any company."
"I'll quote you when I submit my grant proposal for auto-defenestration therapy."
"When have any of our plans ACTUALLY WORKED?"
"I ASSUME this is just a HYPOTHETICAL question?"
"Because science. Whatever. I'm done expositing, you've taken the joy out of it."
"There was an very long period of time in which strips were almost exclusively about the Exposition Limpets. It was boring."
"The plant is sentient and can move, but only off-panel."
"I have concluded that this illusion is fuzzy."
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
"Ventura already instigated ONE robot apocalypse. I'm dropping a marker and calling that the career limit."
"Noted. Sorlie, amend her contract with a 'do not blow up my embassy' clause."
If you build it, then destroy all reasonable alternatives, they will come.
"Due to the school's close proximity to the Seattle/Boeing Primary Target Zone, the following steps are likely superfluous, but in the interest of completeness..."
"The force of my correctness inspired him to delete his comment."
"At least I'd be giving up my free will of my own free will."
"The future is on the horizon. You need only, hop, skip, and occasionally zig-zag to avoid large carnivorous reptiles to reach it!"
"I can forsee the future: A users calls that their computer is not working and most of the work will be figuring out exactly what and where the 'computer' was."
"Silverlight? Um... I don't know. I think it's, like, an Adobe for your Firefox, kinda?"
It's easier to keep customers happy than to actually resolve their problems in a way that make sense.
"In his presence, reality is malleable. He can convince anyone of practically anything."
"Just because he tells you that something is awful or great, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll feel that way tomorrow. You have to low-pass filter his input."
"...and when I went to revert an edit to the article 'Pea', I suddenly found myself pasting the contents of 'Christianity' on the Main page."
"From the ground, this looked exactly like he had blown up his own head. Nobody ever told him that."
"The interdimensional cloning snatcher also makes toast!"
"Since my being in a fictional universe PROVES that fictional universes are both real and reachable, I now work on a device to reach the Discworld and personality-clone Lord Vetinari."
"wow so u r know about computering hacks??"
"All web browsers on our local network are HTML compatible."
+++ MELON MELON MELON +++
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
What's broken THIS time?
"H, as in jalapeño."
When you're ripping PCI slots off the motherboard you should stop and talk to someone who knows what they're doing.
"But still, he has Tabasco sauce in his computer. You can't possibly be serious and have Tabasco sauce in your computer."
"Your motherboard...why is it so...saggy?"
"I was trying to ask a question and they kept arguing about the purity of different forms of water."
Spline reticulation complete.
"Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience."
Reticulating splines...
"You're not melting. That's just sweat. It's a normal function of the human body. Your actual skin is not melting."
"While the battery has 6 sides, its not a hexagon. Hexagons have six sides and the internal angles are identical."
Go get some sleep. The data will all be there tomorrow.
"That's when I realised I'd been living off coffee for the past three days."
The worst kind of problem is when it works, and you didn't expect it to, and you don't know why.
"Schrödinbug: a bug that manifests itself in running software only after a programmer notices that the code should never have worked in the first place."
Is it plausible? No. Is it possible? Of course. You can't logic away crazy.
Error in error-handling. Sorry, no handling possible.
"...simple little sentences which are injected into difficult situations with the same general effect as a steel bar dropped into the bearings of a 3,000 rpm, 660 megawatt steam turbine."
"Every time you want to get going, the needle comes across a damn red line some interfering so-and-so has painted on the dial."
"It's right next to the 'flip image' button that lets you see the other side of things in photos."
"Personally, I would think twice about giving my money to any company so careless that it misspells its own name."
"He's quite right. A true professional would invent new words rather than re-use words they found on the web. Ugsaf walla! Wibble-wooble trop 7at!"
"Hey! A clearly defined error message that tells me exactly how to resolve my problem! Better do something completely different!"
"This person would install new tires in the engine block, somehow."
"I do not need a mustache to complete our ultimate triumph! And it itches anyway!"
"What's it like living with polar bears? Let me tell you, they're way easier to track than Cartesian bears!"
"It's not like he has to produce a new build or approve a new patch every 47 seconds to keep the world from exploding."
"You know, most parents would be HAPPY about their sons answering 'no' to that question."
"The truthiness is HERE, man!"
"It's a small site, so it doesn't attract many tourists. I thought you'd appreciate that since you look like a big fish."
"Aerodynamics aside, I’m curious what tactical advantage you’re expecting to gain by having the high explosive fly back at you if it misses the target."
"A sack of dead koalas isn't going to deorbit anything, though I hope the Australian space program doesn't take that statement as some kind of challenge."
Redo your calculations.
Locate seventeen more algebra errors.
Hey! Want a FREE TOASTER that makes BITCOIN?
"He can fix things, but generally the thing being fixed does something completely different than it originally did. And is covered in duct tape. And I wouldn't call it 'fixed'."
Apparently being raised by coyotes means you don’t believe in seat belts.
"This time you launched all of your weapons at once, blowing up the main ship - which, again, you were still attached to."
"I think the translator you implanted in my head is broken, all I'm getting is naïve garbage."
"...determined to show all the others that THEY ALONE possess the knowledge and wisdom needed to rule. This is demonstrated by the constant unleashing of robots and monsters upon hapless citizens."
"I'm sorry, Doctor, but there appears to be a giant frog on the lawn."
"The mad scientists who vie with each other to see who can be the first to turn the population into wombat bats or clam people or STYLISH FURNITURE."
"The raving lunatics who set off life-sized chocolate volcanoes and unleash flash floods of porridge upon innocent villages."
"Not to put you to any trouble, but there IS this GIANT FROG out here..."
"You may move about the ship once the Captain extinguishes the 'No Panicking' sign."
"Well, isn't it OBVIOUS? Since we cannot expand the fortress or ourselves, we shall simply shrink the REST OF THE EARTH to fit!
"...and here's where anyone ELSE would FORGET to science. Not me."
WARNING: This item was aged by the same inexorable passage of time that also processes nuts.
"The sarcasm in this talk does not represent anyone's actual opinion."
"I just always thought, if I had to get a metal plate in my head, I would want it to be able to hold magnets."
WARNING: throwing tantrums at faces is dangerous! Always ensure adult supervision while playing with tantrums.
Your ignorance seems to have no limit. Your opinions are idiotic.
"They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee."
"My co-workers are a fading memory. I am losing language skills. I talk to my computer and expect answers."
"For reasons that are unclear, my dog wears a gas mask and shouts Tarzan-like phrases."
"I stand by my ridiculous claim."
At the tone, the time will be whatever your watch says.
The more you practice, the luckier you get.
"I have too many pockets to make mistakes."
"Dude, we've talked about this. You can't think about aliens and play card games at the same time. You get too grumpy."
"We concluded that the front subframe was apparently either made from tin foil or some sort of soft cheese."
"It was also smoking, so the lovely shot of a yellow nose-car howling down the interstate with an idiot’s head hanging out the window was marred only by the fact that it appeared to be on fire."
"...a vehicle whose sole selling point is that they managed to avoid having to crash test them."
Comments can never fix unexpected behaviour.
"I should have PREDICTED this. With SCIENCE."
"Aside from the fact that there's absolutely no evidence that this is true, and that it raises more questions than it answers, it's a perfectly valid theory."
"Hey, that makes me sound like a jerk! I demand an apology!"
"Or maybe it HAD a purpose, and the passage of millennia has rendered it moot, like so much else in this world."
"Being the only sober guy at a party, particularly a party where one hardly knows anybody, is awkward. One serves several useful functions, however, such as keeping certain people from doing REALLY stupid stuff as opposed to simply stupid stuff."
"I fail to see how that should have been obvious."
"You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges."
"His idea was a software or something, that tells on which computer the files are, so they'd know which computer to boot up when they were looking for something."
"We are sorry for the slow running of this service. Due to a shortage of direct sunlight the train is currently unable to run at over 30mph."
To live is to stand on one side of an equation, which must equal zero in the end.
"That was not a problem. That was what Croakamancy was for. Where a knee would no longer bend, where a bicep no longer existed to flex an arm, the Croakamancer made magical Motion to move the Matter."
"She believed in the Smoke Theory of Electronics, and so added more smoke to make it go faster. She added so much smoke it died, because it was the wrong kind of smoke."
"Issue #3942: Resolved (Works as unexpected)"
"It finally reached a point of critical incomprehensibility in around 2008."
"I wanted to poke him with a stick but Uncle John says he might explode."
"No, I LOVE it! That was one of the most uniquely horrible experiences of my life!"
"Are those numbers capital or lower case?"
"You don't understand why pressing that button makes it go, because the manual tried to take over your brain and the copies are all unreadable and the research base that would let you reverse-engineer it does not exist and cannot be built."
"Pressing buttons to see what works is fine in a 21st century computer, but it is a very stupid thing to do at the helm of a 410th century starship with the destructive power to end solar systems."
"There's a character called Jedi, who is one of the main characters, and he's a guy who wears robes. I think he's some kind of space wizard or space monk or space wizard/monk."
"We're talking about transferring my consciousness into a magic construct with a very finite existence. I'm reading the instructions FIRST."
"Instead, the independent umpire has picked up the ball, started running and got upset that people keep tackling them (since noone is sure who they are playing for, but clearly sees them playing the game)."
"No, you should stop painstakingly inspecting your lymph nodes."
"The problem with Italian food is the temptation to order my weight in garlic bread."
"This is also why teaching evolution is such a controversial subject, as it begs the question of who put lemurs in balls in order to evolve them into humans if humans weren't around yet."
"Clarification as to how swamp gas could possibly be a viable explanation for this was not provided, creating a field day for conspiracy theorists."
"Clarification as to how swamp gas could possibly be a viable explanation for this was not provided, creating a field day for conspiracy theorists."
"Why this theory is popular is currently unknown, as it is clearly bonkers. Nonetheless, we will be devoting the next few dozen pages to covering this theory."
"My hair now has a mind of its own and is using magic to control people. It'll stop when bored, though."
"I appreciate your ability to leap headlong into melodrama. That could be an asset in a place like this."
"Hang on a sec. These theories are TOTALLY labcoat-worthy."
"...have you been reading WIKIS again? You KNOW the government has an entire team whose whole job is to fill those with gibberish."
"I think it's one of those basic obligations when talking to a reporter that you don't spread out your arms like wings and run away."
"Sometimes, saying something truly bizarre can save the day. This was not one of those days."
There is no such thing as cake. There is only pie.
There are some things compact cars weren't designed to transport, and orchestras are among them.
"How does a desert shrub kill a gliding device? Has DARPA invented surface to to air shubbery? Autonomous heat seeking tumbleweed? for deployment in Iraq, I think we should be told."
"Hammer hair, screwdriver hair, wrench hair...the tool shed is my hair salon, and it is glorious."
"I mean, this race somehow blew up a portion of the sales floor. There should at least be a winner declared."
"See? Who says there aren't serious consequences in my comic? They got a stern talking down to and have to buy pillows. DRAMA."
"Have I mentioned I'm part space alien?"
"While awesome, that would be TOTALLY irresponsible."
"This is one of those things I'm apathetic about that everyone else finds creepy, isn't it?"
You can only talk about something without giving the details so many times before people demand to hear more.
"The hypothesis was based on assumptions, other hypotheses and several episodes of Star Trek. It was worthless."
"...so of COURSE he has a feathery beard that is actually eight antennae. It's to be expected, really."
"Of course, she's still fighting a thumb war with a giant guinea pig person, so maybe that part's just silly."
Pain is there for a reason. It is to warn you of damage. Not feeling it doesn't mean it's not there.
"You're supposed to DO SOMETHING after pointing out the demonic duck."
"When I want to make something look extra freaky, I just put eyes and mouths where they shouldn't be. It seems to work well."
"When I want a cat around, they flee. When I don't want them around, they want to sleep on my face. This is the way of cats."
"I’m pretty sure their goo didn’t come to life, but having not been there, I cannot definitively confirm this one way or the other."
Literal answers to bad questions can be dangerous.
"What?! But that could be SPECTACULARLY FATAL!"
"When it comes to trying to justify it later, the carefully constructed chain of events suddenly seems not merely to contain a weak link, but to be constructed entirely out of stupefyingly enormous mistakes and errors of judgement."
"Why didn't anyone think of that before?! It's so stupid it's positively brilliant!"
"As with anything, it'll be ignored until someone realises the problems will hit before the next election."
Unicode is the future, even if it does mean having dedicated glyphs to represent cooked root vegetables.
<_splinter> hi, I wonder, why cannot I have dolphins on the desktop in my pingu?
The violin (violin) is a kind of super clean orchestra played to ring carry instruments.
"Is this some dark new magic, or just sociology? Is there really a difference?"
"So there's a bit of torturing, even on the part of the protagonists, but it's awfully hygienic torturing. And only when they're really angry and they aren't any good at it."
"The next day, I ate the mutilated fourth leg of my ultimate goat."
We are currently in an ice age. Having polar ice caps is not a normal thing for the planet. Since the Triassic, 1% of the Earth's history has involved polar ice caps.
"Well, in some logarithms, an interface is going to be internal to the system, but an abstract class has terminators that make it external."
"Somehow, the candidate had divined a deep relationship between 3.14 and the fizzbuzz pattern, but rejected it when he discovered that 3.14/3 == 5.14 fizz."
"But he did identify the rule- 1/3*fizz/buzz- and the exception to that rule, which made it equal 1/10."
"Why stop at replacing modulo? Perhaps even better: write an enterprise framework, with separate servers for fizz and buzz, which of course have to be synchronized in some devious way. Ah, the possibilities."
"This is where most candidates fail with OO. They can recite the textbook definitions, and then go on to produce certifiably insane class designs for simple problems."
"Bcrypt was invented by two smart guys and PHK’s was only invented by one smart guy. That’s literally twice the smart."
There is no 'cloud', just other people's computers.
"Well, even if time() isn't random, your RSA private key is probably pretty random."
"Do you want to shove your navigation program in the coffee and find out it doesn't have star charts? I didn't think so."
"Well, it was white smoke; now it's much darker....oh look, sparks, that must mean it's angry with me. I'm going to go get some coffee while it cools off."
"That was not a crash. That was an unplanned lithobraking maneuver. ​There's a difference."
"Any given task will expand to fill the time available, with the overcomplication:procrastination ratio dependant on the thematic dot product of the individuals' interests and the field of the task in question."
"It's still gibberish even when you know what it means."
"Your daughter is a cat. You could at least PRETEND this is odd."
There is no cheap way to make it good, only relatively good ways to make it cheap.
"Dude, you forgot to put your horse in ‘Park’. Don’t come complaining when you get back and it’s rolled all the way down the hill."
"That's because children are terrifying - why do you think little girls appear in horror movies so frequently?"
"By the way, the British (and the Irish) will eat almost anything on toast: beans, bananas, eggs, eel, their pride, etc."
"I should know better by now than to try to pull one over on the pathologically pedantic lunacy machine that is the Ars comments section."
Adding hacks because it's a fast way to make things work is a terrible idea, because however temporary you say they are, they always become permanent.
"People always said the old placeholder was like flying in soup, but I disagree; it was like flying in some state of matter not currently known to man."
"There is no need to open up or otherwise tamper with the power supply in any way. You could drastically shorten the operational lifetime of both it and yourself."
"He thought google looked up his name and sent emails to his fax machine. He admitted to yelling at people on the phone because he didn't get their very important emails."
"Excuse me, please do not bludgeon him with my phone, I'm responsible for its replacement."
"I realised what I'm looking at makes no sense - but it's complete genius."
"...specifically its ability to turn pebbles into humans and the like. That's just confusing."
"Do not listen to a word he says even if it, somehow, is compatible with reality."
Ignorance is solved with education. Incompetence is solved with defenestration.
"Ohh yeah, my in-law said that RAM makes computers faster and so i bought some laptop RAM. But it didn't fit so I used a dremel to make it fit."
"...an hour later, he came back to me and said his keyboard keys have melted."
"You people who think you know everything are really annoying to those of us who do."
"PHONE BOOTHS - a lie to distract us from taking power?"
"You achieved time travel through the overconsumption of ethanol?! I thought it was only a legend!"
"I had to cut off the veins in my right leg, and temporarily swallow half my brain."
"I had to tear a lot of interns in half to get the reference right for this page."
"I don't understand the things you do, and you therefore may represent an interaction with the quantum vacuum virtual plasma."
The name for an effect that gets smaller the more carefully you measure it is 'error'.
"...so no outrageous tech trees and complicated smelting mechanics for making hats out of bacon."
"Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all!"
"Didn't help much, it released a large eel that ate his face."
"My point is that I'M the one who gets to make up the words. I'm not using that one."
"That's how wizards beta test their new animals. If it survives Australia, it's a go. Which in hindsight explains a LOT about Australia."
"WARNING - Unexpected Acceleration Danger. Contact with landing legs may lead to injury or death."
"You really have to be an excellent programmer to enter the IOCCC because you have to thoroughly understand the nuances of good software development so that you can outrageously do the exact opposite."
"Why is there a bed in one corner of my electronics lab?"
"Instructions unclear, user cut wires to make it wireless."
"My SSH session didn't hang. The Raspberry Pi 2 didn't explode. As best I could determine, nothing important was currently on fire."
"I mean, it's a monochrome LCD display. How can it even HAVE a blue screen of death?"
"No. Just no. There is no such thing as 'coldness'. Saying that crushing frozen ingredients releases coldness is like saying that a lamp sucks in darkness."
Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
BREAKING: To surprise of pundits, numbers continue to be best system for determining which of two things is larger.
"Principles? Yes, I have principles, and if you don’t like these ones I have others."
"Though to be fair, the ad banner did say it should be banned. That was very thoughtful of them to point it out."
"Yeah, but first I'm gonna go comatose for a few hours, hallucinate vividly, and then maybe suffer amnesia about the whole experience."
"The most interesting moment was when Cook broke out iPad sales, and that 54% of new iPad owners were cats."
If we never meddled in powers we did not comprehend, how would we ever gain comprehension?
"Damn, I knew there was a reason it wouldn't work!"
"His record was narrowly beaten in Denmark in 2012 and since then two Isle of Man mechanics have built a mobility scooter that can travel at 107.6mph."
"60-year-olds tend to not be interested in a work/life ratio of infinity, so Silly Valley firms don't hire them."
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
In case of implosion, look directly at implosion.
↑ THIS WAY UP ↑
"I don't think using rats for pest control is at all a viable idea."
"You might need quite a few of them though, and then your boat is full of rats, which might defeat the point unless you think domesticated rats are the best pets imaginable."
"In case you need enough to fill a pig with it and do experiments on the pig."
Science does not suffer fools. But it can make fools suffer.
"If computer is body parts, CPU processor is head. The boss. Big cheese. Big boss."
"When you buy processor, check back of box looking for model number. One example would be the number 8. If you can not find the any number, ask an adult for help."
If the code is terrible but doesn't have a bug, then don't be ridiculous, of course it has bugs.
Just because it compiled doesn't mean you're done.
!ErrorHasOccurred() ??!??! HandleError();
"It can't really be taken much out of context, because there wasn't any to start with."
"People ask me to make the sound a lot. Which I can easily do. The description in the script was 'a baby in a bagpipe.'"
A faster computer with dumb programming will just make mistakes quicker.
"Queen to C-12 now, Yahtzee my battleship! Bingo!"
"AC current in the first coil gets converted to a magnetic field, which the second coil then converts to a DC current."
If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you, you just don't understand the situation.
"Mr. Fiessler says he foresees an even more useless machine in the future, 'as soon as I have an even more useless idea.' Meantime, he has built a remote control duck."
"No, I took a screenshot of what you sent me and sent it to him."
"We can only wonder what possesses an artist to portray a dog juggling bones while wearing a hula skirt."
The world will simply never produce enough Tagalog-speakers who care about obscure species of fish.
"In a sense, therefore, the arbitrary is even worse than the false. The false at least has a relation to reality."
"So, if the noodles melt, then I'd tend to believe they were (thermo)plastic."
Pain from inflammation is caused by the human body’s release of rhyolite, an igneous, volcanic rock.
If an issue does not have a snowball's chance in hell of being accepted by a certain process, there's no need to run it through the entire process.
"It's kinda like '1 + 1 = window' maths."
"User mashed calculator with his forehead, both only seem to work intermittently now."
"Go away or I'll replace you with a very small shell script."
"My new goal in conversations is to make people unsure of whether I am making fun of them, or am just a complete idiot."
Tea does not cure all diseases.
"They'll just try to reverse engineer the abomination and turn it into some sort of technology."
"Having the skeletons of the party members then play the drums made of the party members' skins is really pushing it"
"Wow, it's like everything is made of things!"
"Where would science be without the Engine? Archaic! Puny! Boring! It doesn't bear thinking about! I'd be able to build gigantic iron ships, certainly - but could they fly?"
"...and this is where the analogy is breaking down somewhat."
"I am not allowed to form alternative inquisitions of the catholic church because everyone expects the spanish one by now."
"After that, you have a special section dedicated to diseases you have given me on my birthday."
Do you know what a rain shadow is?
Define gelifluction.
"Oh my goodness! They've come back! As ninja pirate robot monkey clown bandito werewolf zombies! How CRraAAaaZZzzyyyyyy!"
"Are dinosaurs immune to zombies?"
"Considering how your night's been going, I wanted to make sure you didn't get mauled by a dinosaur or something on the way here."
"Good thing I infected these lollipops with smallpox too!"
If it ain't broke, make it out of, like, three more metal pieces in funky shapes.
"All ten major internal components of this device are easily removable. However, we are worried that they might not go back together as easily as they come apart, a common problem in fruit repair."
"As you know, John, this house has eschewed telly in favour of a wide-screen bearded dragon. Big disadvantage of that is the endless repeats."
Git: the best file system anybody ever confused with a version control system.
"On-site personnel should be reassured that the spiders are harmless and the facility's immense shroud of silk should be presented in a positive light as a record-breaking natural history wonder."
"Pretend I have presented a cogent and illustrative argument condemning your opinion and supporting mine, that is, by its clear and precise logic and well presented literary criticism, completely convincing."
"I tried to do something but i didn't know how so i pressed random stuff till this happened."
"Anybody even remotely sane hearing the words 'multi-spark concept device full of experimental technology' would either be bringing out the hammers to smash it or making for the horizon at top speed."
"LG also calls the device 'flexible', meaning you can mash it flat on a hard surface. This seems really dangerous and abusive, and again, doesn't really serve a purpose, but you can do it."
"You know, there's more to being an evil despot than getting cake whenever you want it."
"I have already achieved my purpose. I surrender UNCONDITIONALLY. Do you have any tea?"
"We want to see the UNEXPECTED! The strange and TERRIBLE! A dream merely soothes - but our nightmares make us run! BEHOLD!"
"I consoled myself by surrepetitiously equipping everything with steam-powered buttons."
"Last time I let you have my iPad you put 200 pictures of your forehead on it."
"Not bulletproof. Do not pour alcohol into the reaction chamber. Illegal where non-legal."
"It's like setting fire to a building and then blaming the Fire Brigade for not putting it out fast enough."
"If ever there was an idea you could point to and simultaneously say, 'that’s clever' and 'I have no idea how to use this', there you go."
A cuboctahedron is a polyhedron with eight triangular faces and six square faces.
"Thank you, Herr von Mekkhan, but I can't help but notice that my home appears to be on FIRE."
Computer science is the study of computers only in the sense that astronomy is the study of telescopes.
"<myers> FLHerne, If i seriously suggest that, you have my permission to hunt me down and smash my laptop."
"OK, there's April fool's jokes, and then there's insanity in a guise of 'funny'."
"Hey, it's not HIS fault your cow wasn't spherical enough!"
"Elsewhere the sky is the roof of the world; but here the earth was the floor of the sky."
"They caught fire. That's what caused the fire damage. It's usually the way fire damage occurs."
⸌ꐄ』⦓」⧘⍘⸉⍞《‹❮´❝“«`‎ߵ‎'""'ߴ`»”❞´❯›》⍞⸊⍘⧙」⦔』ꐄ⸍
"Code grey! We have a helvetica scenario!"
"This may be a feature of his distributed brain. Any true injury he suffers is, by definition, brain damage."
You're not going crazy. You're going SANE IN A CRAZY WORLD!
'Mad Science' means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"
Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.
There is a difference between 'spare' parts and 'extra' parts.
"They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid."
"My laptop caught fire when I was trying to overclock the bluray player. Can you recover my files?"
No one expects the cup of their mug to completely disconnect from the handle while drinking.
Maxim 43: If it's stupid but it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky.
"We've tried NOTHING and we are out of ideas!"
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.
"Simulations show launch ok with bad valve. Still, better to stop & fix. Recalling rockets after launch is not an option."
C combines the elegance, power, and blazing speed of assembly language with the simplicity, portability, and ease-of-use of assembly language.
UNIX was not designed to stop its users from doing stupid things, as that would also stop them from doing clever things.
"I gave him new batteries, warned him about batteries exploding in his mouth, and sent him on his merry way."
"BREAKING NEWS: Experts say that Boeing 777 would have trouble maintaining altitude if it ran out of fuel"
Democracy falls down at the point where you have to persuade stupid people to vote for you.
If you go off and get a doctorate in English with a dissertation on minor 18th-century poets, you're mostly qualified to teach other people about minor 18th-century poets so they can go off and write dissertations of their own.
A common misconception about light bulbs is that they emit light when, in fact, they absorb darkness.
"This was a place where someone came to sleep, not to live."
An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two.
"This was a place where someone came to sleep, not to live."
Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
"A marvellous remedy, although he’d been unspecific as to what it cured. Verticality, apparently."
Modesty is just arrogance by stealth.
"Drun’? ’m not drun’! You wouldn’dare call m’ drun’ if I was sober!"
"I like worms and have no problem picking them up, which is unusual and thus gives me a clear advantage in certain situations because it means I can fling them at people if I feel like it and that never fails to cheer me up."
"I be crazy too, little buddy, but at least when I be craziest, I be floating all alone in space and the crazy, she float out of me, she soak into the walls."
"It’s like peanut butter and chocolate, or maybe peanut butter and a dark sinister concoction of wailing madness with a hint of cocoa."
Everything has always existed.
Paint it with blood, because red ones go faster.
You can call anything anything, but that doesn’t make it so.
Jerusalem artichokes are neither artichokes nor from Jerusalem.
"Let’s do it anyway. It would have been embarrassing to have the ship blow up just as it arrived."
If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
"They seem to regard this as fine. As long as it could be done, it should be done, and would be done; and so the work was good."
Death by Millennium Space Entropy
"It had certainly fixed Simon right up. He himself had two life goals: (1) being torn apart by, and (2) being devoured by, lions."
You shouldn’t sacrifice your now just because you’re looking forward to being eaten by a bunch of lions at some point in the future.
"I need you to stop describing to our potential customers, in gruesome detail, how you’re planning on going to Africa and getting eaten by a lion."
There’s a fundamental problem with a machine that tells people how they’re going to die, i.e. no one wants to know.
"I’ll blame it on the fact that I’m stuck in a room with no view and a death machine, and understandably, it made me temporarily insane."
"If it was everyone's fault, then no one was really to blame. That was what collective responsibility was about."
"If it was everyone's fault, then no one was really to blame. That was what collective responsibility was about."
"We took pity on him because he’d lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that."
"It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying."
Some things are fairly obvious when it’s a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them.
"Merely bad inventors made things that failed to operate. He wasn’t among these small fry. Any fool could make something that did absolutely nothing when you pressed the button."
"So, when you see a hacker early in the morning (1pm or earlier in local time), please avoid loud noises. Allow them to adjust to their surroundings for at least an hour before any valuable information exchanges are conducted."
"And then I called Horizon and they said 'of course you don't need a CD to install the fucking Internet'."
Why don’t we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?
"If it’s a kill-or-cure remedy then we are, given that the patient is practically immortal, probably onto a winner."
"Ridcully, never being a man to wonder what any kind of switch did when it was so much easier and quicker to find out by pulling it, did so."
"...decoupling of Torus H caused by explosive bolts installed by mistake when the ship was built."
Who knows why the fuck anything happens?
Equipment for ghost hunters: thermal underwear, very important; warm coat; thermos flask; patience; ghost.
There’s nothing like excruciating pain for waking you up.
Just because you think you know what you’re doing doesn’t mean you actually know what you’re doing.
"I don’t remember them telling me when I joined that there was a risk my face might fall off."
Too much coffee can make you hallucinate and sense dead people, say sleep experts.
A revolutionary new survey has found that on average, as people get older, they get older.
The spleen is the root of post-heaven essence, houses thought and is responsible for the transformation of qi energy, keeping the muscles warm and firm.
"Using complex and secret science techniques, driven by a secret energy source driving a matter orientation system machine."
"The bioresonance treatment is analysing the energy-wave patterns in Jean’s body. It finds the frequency pattern of the nicotine and reverses it. That in theory neutralises the nicotine’s energy pattern, so her body won’t crave what’s been wiped out."
Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater. John F. Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln. Gerald Ford was shot at, but they missed.
"It may take years! Endless toil! The blood of thousands of minions! But our science will TRIUMPH!"
"Or he tastes spatial relationships as colors or some weird shit like that."
"Um...just for the sake of clarity, assume that I'm not barking mad."
In modern media the truth is triangulated, halfway between the two most extreme views.
Doubt alone gets you close to winning an argument.
"Some kind of effort to derive a number denoting hotness, using the best fit of a geometric mask over someone’s face."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts.
Naturally occurring substances are irregularly shaped like the substances making up your own body, while manufactured chemicals are perfect spheres.
The Ion-Conditioning Hairdryer uses Patented Trionic Action to micronize water molecules and hydrate your hair.
Positive ions have lost an electron, and are considered unhealthy, whereas negative ions have gained an electron, and greatly assist in a body’s mood, energy level, and overall health.
The water molecules are broken down to a fraction of their previous size - diminutive enough to penetrate through the cuticle, and eventually into the core of each hair."
They say there are no stupid questions. That’s obviously wrong.
"It’s warmer than my parents! It’s my new parents."
"Q: If people had wheels and could fly, how would we differentiate them from airplanes?"
"Now, because the submarine has no heat-dissipating ablative tiles, and because it’s not aerodynamically stable at hypersonic velocities, it would inevitably tumble and break up in the air."
The Internet is smaller than an oil tanker.
"Horned lizards shoot jets of blood from their eyes for distances of up to 5 feet. I don’t know why they do this because whenever I reach the phrase 'shoot jets of blood from their eyes' in an article I just stop there and stare at it until I need to lie down."
Remember to clean the whale filter every few days.
What kind of person makes tea in a blender?
Horned lizards shoot jets of blood from their eyes for distances of up to 5 feet.
If you stir hard enough that your tea cavitates, its surface area will increase very rapidly, and it will cool to room temperature in seconds.
There is no sign saying, "Thou shalt not wander onto the Ten Commandments and eat a peanut butter sandwich."
"Then it was Ls = 190, and he was a lizard on the top of the Pont du Gard."
"Left-handed giant bird-people, that’s what we’re growing down here. It’s bizarre if you ask me. You see them running across the dunes and expect them to just take off and fly."
"The new opportunities for growth are no longer in growth. So we’ve got to identify the new non-growth growth markets, and get into them."
"I wonder if we can make some kind of CO2-tolerant Arctic moles."
"He had always been considered eccentric; he had heard the story of the hundred transgenic lab rats taking over his brain. A strange moment, that."
History is Lamarckian.
"No, I am not kidding. My jokes are funnier than that."
One sign of a good action is that in retrospect it appears inevitable.
You can’t choose your childhood, it’s just what happens to you.
Your freedom of speech does not extend to swearing at random strangers.
"Mate, if there are serial numbers, there’s no way they should be the same, should they? That’s kind of the point of a serial number."
"I briefly considered ordering another 80 cards from eBay so that I would be above the fraud team’s limit."
Would you be able to hold on to a twenty-stone object the size of a large watermelon in your arms in the middle of a car crash?
Monocausotaxophilia: the love of single causes that explain everything.
"Maybe we’d better back off a little. It would be embarrassing to get shot out of the sky by an iceberg."
"They may be able to come very close to several asteroids sequentially, and redirect their crash."
Sanity is nothing more than consensus of perception.
Having an eight-kilo, transdimensional, invisible baboon-crab removed from its perch on your head is not pleasant.
"What they did not understand was that physics, while admittedly complicated, was always trying very hard to become simpler."
Steam engines are a poor model for the human mind.
"Conflict, metaconflict, details, fundamentals; everything was on the table, including a magnesium kitchen sink."
"They worked on the same planet. But that did not mean they were enemies, not to him. He would eat her without malice."
"He wrote his report. He swept the main room’s floor; there was a rota, and it was his turn."
Have you ever wondered where the word “politician” comes from?
"Perhaps this wasn’t the way it ought to be. But it was the way it was. On the whole, he reflected, it could have been a lot worse."
It’s easy to build a novelty. It’s hard to make the world reorganize itself so that what used to be a novelty becomes a necessity.
Data is not the plural of anecdote.
"All of them were happy to help in any plan that would keep him from putting tons of uranium in the storage hold of their boulder car, radproof containers or not."
"We're just going to kill you, and then you'll be fine."
"Grandpa - WHY did you throw a jagermonster through the window?"
It is known that mimmoths are tasty in a light butter sauce.
"Ooh! Belgian Chocolate Mimmoths!"
"Yeah! And no-one's a mindless ravening monster or ANYTHING!"
"Ooh! Ooh! You know what we should try NEXT? Let's hook EVERYBODY up to a-" *SPLORSH*
...only one spoon?!
"WHO DEACTIVATED ALL MY BEAUTIFUL FROGS?!"
"NOW FACE THE TERROR OF THE HAND CRANKED RUNCIBLE GUN!"
You Are A Lousy Mechanic! Your Methodology is Flawed! Your Proofs are Circular! Your Tools Are Rusty!
Postmodern deconstructive faux-nouveau absurdist organic neoclassicism?
Extra butter! LESS NUTMEG!
"...oh, and some plumbers. They were three meters tall, glowed, and had wings."
"My friend came over to my house and erased all my other browsers and said you're using this now."
"...of course there's an Ancient and Honourable Guild of Murderous Device Fabricators."
"Ooh! flying lampposts! ...that are also gargoyles. On fire."
"He uses statistics like a drunkard uses a lamppost; for support, rather than illumination."
Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue.
"Another triumph of insomnia over practicality or logic!"
The failure to uncover any evidence of wrongdoing is evidence of a successful coverup.
First and most importantly, the internet is manic and has a short attention span.
"I saw a program. It had David Attenborough, so it’s true."
"The exact number of crimes isn't really quantifiable, so we'll assume it's infinite."
"I like Gentoo. It keeps my keyboard warm in winter."
"apt is not installed. Use apt-get install apt"
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
"THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE."
"At night when nobody was around, I grabbed a soldering iron, and took it down, plugged it in, and then melted the hole for the reset button."
"They're the perfect size for doing anything you were trying to do with your fingers but couldn't on account of your fingers being soft and fleshy and not gnurled hard-edged steel jaws."
"Even if it doesn't 'fly' exactly, it should reach the ground LONG before it explodes."
"A TABLE? No no NO! I've already GOT one of those!"
"I will hunt you down, flay you, and WEAR YOU AS A HAT!"
"Who else could EVER wear so MAJESTIC AND COMMANDING A HAT?!"
"Nothing can do something in less time than it takes to do nothing. it's a simple fact that shouldn't be hard to grasp."
"'Ooh, all my friends went and died, so now *I* have to do it too?' Oh no you DON'T! You do NOT get to die just because 'everyone else did!'"
"Yep. If in space without a spacesuit, one would vaporize because there is no pressure."
"May I ask.. why is your printer called Fred?"
"User called, his Fred died. You'll find fred at room xx.xxx. Replace ASAP."
Going around a corner at 35 might feel a bit fast, but you can reasonably expect that if you do so your car isn’t going to explode.
"That's why so many young Sparks don't make it. They're smart enough to build death rays, and dumb enough to turn them on ARMIES, all by themselves."
"According to her, she was injured while destroying a merry-go-round. I suspect a blow to the head is more likely."
"Woge-ze fleepin BO 'actors', bin?"
For SCIENCE!
"Well, at least this one actually MOVED before it blew up. That's IMPROVEMENT, no?"
It's hard to be optimistic when the light at the end of the tunnel is blinking red.
Never lie, but don't always tell the truth.
"We'd say it makes sense in context, but it doesn't."
If blocks are delimited by invisible characters then they should really only be delimited by ONE KIND of invisible character.
"Wasn't that guy helpful? With the camel? Doesn't that seem like an appropriate response? No? Good. You can still find Jesus."
"That program won a contest, because of course it did. Do you want to live in a world like this? No."
"I think I handled it well, at least after I was expelled from my local bar for standing on the pool table screaming "I'M KING OF THE NERDS!" and pelting strangers with microchips."
"You immerse yourself in a world of total meaninglessness where all that matters is a little series of numbers went into a giant labyrinth of symbols and a different series of numbers or a picture of a kitten came out the other end."
You don't learn to hack, you hack to learn.
Americans think 100 years is old, and Europeans think 100 miles is far.
Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"'Scraping' is yet another one of those verbs that you don't want to hear brought up in this context. If your touch isn't quite delicate enough, someone's going to have to use a larger spatula to scrape you off the ceiling."
"Take a sample from each cut of the column and inject it into a mouse. If it doesn't die immediately, that fraction doesn't have any ciguatoxin in it. Gloves recommended."
"Edward Snowden just called for civil disobedience against the US government whilst also arguing for the legalization of marijuana during an AMA. This is quite possibly the most reddit thing ever."
"I think we're alright, we've got a blue!"
Tea is for mugs.
"What you're arguing against isn't what others are actually saying, but what you mistakenly think they're saying."
If you assume B can be derived from A, then it follows that you can derive B from A.
"I see no more reason to object to human extinction than the extinction of any other species, yet nobody seems to be waxing philosophic about launching lions at random solar bodies just in case they go belly-up on Earth."
The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren't there.
"I say that I don't believe in evolution. The evidence for it is so overwhelming, belief isn't an issue. Same for gravity."
"I don't believe in evolution. The evidence for it is so overwhelming, belief isn't an issue."
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
"Well, to be perfectly fair, if you put a Mars lander in your pocket with your keys it would get scratched as well."
"The answer was apparently so interesting, or took so long, that literally half the people changed shirt colors."
"Now you have two problems, and both the original problem and the new problem are on fire."
"Where did they get a new server and why is it pink?"
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
The best way to extort someone online is to also be the hitman they hire to deal with you. Get 'em coming and going.
"I mean no. I should have told you no. Outside is where the monsters are. Is it too late to say no because I meant no."
"Dear Lord! This is getting extremely silly! I wish I'd thought of drunkenly posting frustrated and largely unhelpful outbursts before, they get me much more votes than helpful answers."
"We can fix that by doing an additional 8388604d6 backlash damage."
Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit.
A human is a system for converting dust billions of years ago into dust billions of years from now via a roundabout process which involves checking email a lot.
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people unhappy and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
"I don't want to end up buying new shoes because my old ones caught fire or were dribbling corrosive stuff."
"It cannot die, but is too stupid to live."
Do not feed hallucinogens to the alligators.
"'Fluctuations' means creatures spontaneously melting on contact with water, if you weren't aware."
MicroSD cards have a capacity of about 1.6 petabytes per gallon.
Imagine all the things you could have done doing not that.
"See? A cantaloupe has five days. Don't worry about it. It's fine."
"The answer is: maybe. But the real answer is: this is Ruby! We just call methods and things happen! We don't have to worry about it! Isn't this great?!"
"Anyway, the important part is that Comic Sans did not exist. Now that I have caught this glaring incongruity in a comic about time travellers killing flying mutant space dinosaurs with ghosts, my suspension of disbelief has been shattered."
"If I am not wrong you could run your system without the kernel by just using systemd with the --enable-conspiracy parameter."
Typos: Destroyers of worlds.
"I'm the exact opposite of the traditional entrepreneur. I found a problem, attempted to solve it, failed, so now I'm shipping that problem onto the masses."
There was a time in the development of everything that works when it didn't.
"I would rather write programs to help me write programs than write programs."
"If this news elicits violence from you, please note that this was all his idea."
Maxim 42: "They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid."
"Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, the killer committed the crime and made it look like a shark attack because the killer was hungry, and happened to be a SHARK?"
"That wasn't blackmail. That was, I don't know...passive extortion?"
If you make your advocation your vocation you never have to work another day in your life.
Of the conditions ACT IRRATIONALLY and FREEZE as results of the state PANIC, ACT IRRATIONALLY is marginally better.
"There's a reason that you separate the military from the civilian police. When the military becomes the police, the people become the enemy."
"Oh, wow...using NUMBERS! I got so used to differential equations that I forgot about those."
"I see the outside of my face EVERY DAY! I want to see what's INSIDE my face!"
"I mean, when liquids are confiscated, what happens to them? Are they destroyed with explosives, tested, or just thrown away? If they're just thrown away (or set aside until days later), what's the point of confiscating them at all? The terrorist can just try to sneak some through again the next day, since there are no consequences to failing."
You can only ever find a part if you aren't looking for it.
The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder.
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
First rule of politics is always denigrate the other party's ideas. Second rule is, when the other party has an undeniably great idea, stick your fingers in your ears, loudly shout "la la la la", and refer to the first rule.
While the old man may stand by some stupid custom, the young man always attacks it with some theory that turns out to be equally stupid.
"Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any step will have no effect on the macro level."
"The boat was launched into Table Rock Lake on launching rails that were lubricated with two tons of bananas at a speed of 14 knots."
The problem with made up words is that nobody bothers to try to actually pronounce them out loud.
Anyone can make an error. It only becomes a mistake if you refuse to correct it.
Aphorisms on IRC are worth the paper they're printed on.
"What other linux will let you have a vector optimized wordprocessor?"
In any human endeavor, once you've exhausted all possibilities and fail there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
"In addition, the Linux community is known for reinventing the square wheel over and over again. Chaos is both Linux’s greatest strength and its greatest weakness."
The Linux community is known for reinventing the square wheel over and over again.
Modern science does not rule out the existence of a creator, but it definitely rules out the existence of a (non-deceitful) creator who created the universe 6000 years ago and then killed everybody in a global flood 4000 years ago.
You get into trouble when you treat existence as a property of a 'thing' which it can either have or not have. To say 'X does not exist' means you have to be really really sure what you mean by X.
I bet you think that was really stupid.
Any sufficiently advanced riddle is indistinguishable from gibberish.
"We guarantee that you will live your entire lifetime, or double your money back."
"We warrant each Acme Klein Bottle for a period of FIVE YEARS to be absolutely free of any magnetic monopoles. If you discover one, contact us immediately and we will refund your purchase price right after claiming the Nobel Prize."
Having too many goals and ideas is like trying to herd a swarm of bees.
Yodelling only makes your throat hurt if someone hits your throat to make you stop yodelling.
"Look, it's a very risky procedure. Everything went perfectly, except he's dead."
"The patient will of course die if certain variables are too far from their normal value. The cause of death will then be displayed. Click on Restart to bring the patient back to life, starting from the default values. Note that this function is not available in real clinical situations."
Oh, no! A lurking grue slithered into the room and devoured you!
"Part of the reason the American army started investigating psychic powers was due to Russian experiments started because they thought Americans were already investigating this."
"The director says he wanted to see if movies could show time going in a non-linear direction or even sideways. The first two-thirds of the movie seem normal until the point where you can tell when the director made this 'decision'."
"A bear is depicted as a brown penguin, a dinosaur as a green one, and the devil as a red one with horns."
"Beating your swords into plowshares in the middle of a war, just because your swords are useless and all your farm equipment's been taken away, just won't play well out there."
DO NOT PUT ALL YOUR TRUST IN ROOT VEGETABLES. WHAT THINGS SEEM TO BE MAY NOT BE WHAT THEY ARE.
Trains rotate the Earth around various axes while elevators shift its position in space.
Train: A machine that grabs the Earth by metal rails and rotates it until the part you want is near you.
If you make it so easy even an idiot can do it, they will.
"There's just something about that bench. Some say that the bench is the key out of there... some say it gives you special powers beyond your imagination. Others just seem to think it's a damn fine bench."
"I selected the most topologically remote site on the entire planet for our team's landing. They proceeded to land right on top of an ancient race of aliens who know Schlock's entire life history."
"If he's already posted it to the hypernet, you're gonna have to find yourself a new communications slug."
"Brilliant. We'll just confess to the crime, and then we can't be framed."
"It might occur to you, as it did to me, that we may have accidentally broken into the Chrysalis equivalent of the Utah Data Center because we needed to borrow their legitimate business front."
"That is...very loud indeed. That's not even sound anymore. Apparently TYING KNOTS creates more noise than NUCLEAR DETONATIONS."
The problem with C++: Too many keywords and concepts, almost none of which are mutually exclusive.
"...for these calculations, we will assume a spherical cow, although most remaining "cows" are actually closer to oblate spheroids..."
"Another rationalizing theory is that the existence of rocs was postulated from the sight of the African ostrich, which, because of its flightlessness and unusual appearance, was mistaken for the chick of a presumably much larger species."
"The FBI likes to pose as cable repairmen for stings, therefore trying to find out when a repairman is supposed to be at your place makes you a terrorist."
"He went right through an inch thick wooden windscreen as if it were paper, left his rubber face behind, and finally came to a halt 710 feet downrange. Clearly, some damnable forces of physics were at work."
"There was one obvious benefit at least: Dr. Stapp could write extremely accurate physiological, not to mention psychological, reports concerning the effects of the experiments on his subject, Capt. Stapp."
"I mean, he ate our kettle and everything. He wouldn’t just run away after eating a kettle. Stands to reason."
South is definitely East of West, which is slightly North of South.
"Yeah, I love blood red. I want the logo to look like that. Do you know what it would look like if you took a paintbrush and dipped it in blood, and smeared it downwards? How the blood would be darkest in the center, and there would be splatters of blood and lighter shades of blood around it?"
You have the right not to be summarily thrown into a piranha tank.
"Let us pause here to reflect upon why the author thought 'adult' was a necessary adjective to add onto 'physician'."
Inverted Chronoton Field Shadowing?
"The character is wondering why he's doing something pointless in a pointless scene that we're wondering why we're reading. There's no limit to how deep this goes, people."
"There had been all that trouble with the rain of dogs in Treacle Mine Road last year, and it wasn’t as if that had even happened."
"I should add that, in the event of there being any problems of a tentacular nature, you would be held personally responsible."
"It was still so new that the modern flat-roofed buildings, winners of several awards from the Guild of Architects, hadn’t even begun to let in water and shed window panes in a breeze."
"But they’re not the right facts! They’re stupid facts!"
"Sheesh, take the damn pickle out of your nose, will you? We’re supposed to be professionals!"
"The last sentence, while in pretty much the same voice, had an intrusive, not-quite-right quality. Apart from anything else, it made sense."
A potato can be a great help in times of trial.
You never know when a potato might turn up.
Things that are back to front are often easier to comprehend if they are upside down as well.
"...a new formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane. (This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people)."
They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.
If you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don’t apply to you.
A vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you’re attempting can’t be done.
"I don’t think you quite understand. I don’t want to hit the ground. It’s never done anything to me."
"She was opposed to books on strict moral grounds, since she had heard that many of them were written by dead people and therefore it stood to reason reading them would be as bad as necromancy."
In most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet.
"Do these look to you like people who habitually eat in a foreign language?"
Boil water in the kettle, two spoons of tea in the pot. Pour water from kettle into pot when it boils. Do not put tea in kettle.
You’ve got to catch the bus at bus-catching time.
"They think that it’s their job to calm people down by first of all explaining why they should be overexcited and very worried."
"Any water that supported so many little whiskery swimming things MUST be healthy."
"He treated humor as some human aberration that had to be overcome by talking slowly and patiently."
If you did it for a good reason, you’d do it for a bad one.
"Hooray, hooray, it’s a wonderful day, for I have found my cow!"
"They had sworn to fight to the death, but not to this death."
"It goes HRUUUGH! It is a hippopotamus! That is not my cow!"
"Sure, that meant I was being influenced by some telepathic monster from space, but at least I wasn’t actually going crazy."
"If we get REALLY drunk, we become immune!"
"To them, text files feel like filling in tax forms for an angry robotic auditor that yells at them if they forget a single semicolon."
A freeze ray, heat ray, and Dijon mustard ray are all pretty similar when you get down to it.
Eccentric passengers with odd ideas about the safety of the aircraft are never very welcome on the flight deck.
All matter is built up of the associations that result in crystals, like miniature universes. It’s an extraordinary thing that schools don’t teach more about it.
You only put your full effort into a thing when there is no going back.
"They were sailing in Chryse when a howler picked up their boat and threw it all the way over the Cydonia Mountains."
"I had to be there in order for them to be able to ignore me properly. You can’t ignore someone who isn’t there."
On nights when the orbital alignments are right, you must get a great view of the fish.
"I was in England at the time. I could tell I was in England because I was sitting in the rain under a wet blanket in a muddy field."
You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It’s quite a simple difference, but an important one.
Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
Branwell Brontë, brother of Emily and Charlotte, died standing up leaning against a mantelpiece in order to prove it could be done.
"They say it can't be done. They might be right."
In the war against little dongly things, no sacrifice is too great.
We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
At some point in the future the universe will come to an end, and at some other point, considerably in advance from that but still not immediately pressing, the sun will explode.
Progress episodically!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Two months before shipping is not when you want to start worrying about that nagging little "game only runs at 1 FPS" problem.
"No self-respecting physics programmer would ever let us sully their beautiful mathematics with something as pedestrian as gameplay."
Steal five dollars and you're a petty thief. Steal thousands of dollars and you're either a government or a hero.
No practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences.
"His lack of distinguishing features included his entire face."
Four miles an hour is six hundred and seventy-two miles in a week. It all adds up.
"By Our Own Hand, Or None."
Freedom may be mankind’s natural state, but so is sitting in a tree eating your dinner while it is still wriggling.
A man’s not dead while his name is still spoken.
"Non-collectors were woefully unconcerned about pins, treating them as if they were no more than thin pointy bits of metal for sticking things to other things."
"The worst that can happen is you lose all your fingers on one hand, are crippled for life, and break half the bones in your body. Oh, and then they don’t let you join."
"Did I do anything last night that suggested I was SANE?"
"Firstly, sir, I reasoned that if I destroyed the universe all in one go no one would know."
"You may experience a taste of eggs and the sensation of being slapped in the face with some sort of fish. This is perfectly—"
Upon Discovery of the Fire, Remain Calm.
However hard you try to look behind you, there’s a behind you, behind you, where you aren’t looking.
A body doesn’t work properly when significant bits are not sharing the same space-time frame as the rest of it, but it does look more colourful.
"Very good, Mr Assumed Name, I will have my clerk bring up the money right away."
"There’s still some roof left. We’re open as usual. More open than usual."
No one was sorry for anything because no living creature had done anything wrong; bad things had happened by spontaneous generation in some weird, chilly, geometrical otherworld, and were to be regretted.
"Where’s the sense in promising to achieve the achievable? What kind of success would that be?"
Where’s the sense in promising to achieve the achievable? What kind of success would that be?
"I don’t understand the bit where you give all your stolen money to the Post Office. Why did you do that?"
The best way to get something done is to give it to someone who is busy.
A man who rushes into a burning building to rescue a stupid cat and comes out carrying the cat is seen as a hero, even if he is a rather dumb one. If he comes out sans cat he’s a twit.
Sometimes the truth is arrived at by adding all the little lies together and deducting them from the totality of what is known.
"She wondered what Grandad most feared: that dead clacks-men could send messages to the living, or that they couldn’t."
"DON'T say it was Nobby. We don’t want any repeat of that 'bet you a dollar you’re the widow Jackson' nonsense."
"It’s funny how secretly you can move when you’re a loony monk dancing through the streets banging a drum."
"Raising the flag and singing the anthem, Hepplewhite, are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason."
There’s a time and a place, you know? Maybe the best way to build a bright new world is to peel some spuds in this one.
Have you discovered how to untwist a nothingness?
"He was called to Religion mainly for the purpose of building a generator of electrical essences in the monastery basement."
"To my knowledge, the existence of matter outside our atmosphere has not been outlawed by any treaty or act of parliament. It is my understanding that space is chock-full of things like the moon and the asteroids, which are not made of green cheese."
A dog can never have too many chew toys.
Genuine, unashamed patriots are an embarrassment to the cynical and manipulative.
It’s good to have memories. Better to have friends.
We are living through a period of post-truth politics.
"Every single sentence you just said is blithering nonsense."
"While that would still kill a lot of bystanders, it would have a much better bigshot-to-kiddies-and-puppies kill ratio."
"Terrorists are always 'cowardly', even though the phrase 'cowardly terrorist' is an idiotic oxymoron."
"Point taken. You’re either what you say you are or you’re a complete lunatic."
Plans aren’t blueprints, they’re simply guides that lead you to the next plan.
Turn this thing off. There’s a world outside.
Palindrone (n): a political speech so boring and incoherent that it would make just as much sense read backwards.
"He just thought he was so much better than anyone else that we were being obtuse and rude not to acknowledge it spontaneously."
Are you deaf? Or simply a coward? Push the button.
"The two things I always study a lot are the things I love and the things I hate."
"Do the mice come back? Because, if they don’t, yeah, most people will think that’s crazy."
"It was like Gilligan’s Island except with rockets."
Exhaustion can be fixed. Dead is forever.
"Real Americans. Americans from the future, not just from Germany."
"The AGI won't revise or otherwise change its goals, since changing its goals would result in fewer paperclips being made in the future, and that opposes its current goal."
"They say there is nothing new under the sun. We have tried everything. But I have not tried it. If each life is not new, each single life, then why are we born?"
"I think programmers (myself included) would be a lot more fit if we all did 10 pushups every time a compiler found an error in our code. This might also reduce the occurrence of testing by compilation."
"It's like reinventing the wheel, based on you only ever seeing a bike travel down stairs. Then wondering why people complain about the fact that you decided a square wheel would be better. A square wheel may very well provide better traction on the stairs, but you've missed the bigger picture."
According to contemporary scientific theory regarding comparative velocity measurement, all moving objects can be classified into two distinct categories vis-a-vis their velocity potential relative to that of a dog '(Canis lupus familiaris)'. The categories comprise overcaniality (potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog) and undercaniality (lacking of the potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog).
"The tincture of night began to suffuse the soup of the afternoon."
"One common argument against the current scientific consensus on overcaniality opines that there are numerous objects (i.e. airplanes, satellites, Oort cloud objects) that travel at or above the maximum possible velocity of a dog. However, this argument has been largely refuted in that velocity measurements of such objects did not take into account contributing factors such as orbital parallax or string theory."
"If you succeed in tipping a cow only partway, such that only one of its feet is still on the ground, you have created lean beef. Such a feat is well done. Naturally, being outside, the cow is unstable. When it falls over, it becomes ground beef."
"Rouge state? I guess you mean communist countries, like that place we used to call Red China?"
Contrary to stereotype, hackers are *not* usually intellectually narrow; they tend to be interested in any subject that can provide mental stimulation, and can often discourse knowledgeably and even interestingly on any number of obscure subjects - if you can get them to talk at all, as opposed to, say, going back to their hacking.
"At full power, they'll show you fish on the other side of the planet. Of course, that involves boiling away the oceans on this side."
"So deadly violence DOES inconvenience you. That means it can still be used for behavior modification."
"'Pain will help us cut maintenance costs' you said. You didn't mention how much it would HURT."
"There is huge issue with drivers for mousepads under Linux, like literally everyone is making mousepads Windows only, it's annoying."
If your taxonomic system can't handle magic, it's not ready for use in a fantasy world.
False killer whales (Pseudorca crassidens) can breed with bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncatus). Same family (Delphinidae) but different genus, and relatively far-removed genera at that.
"I think I actually managed to program something in MATLAB without any errors one time. I guess using MATLAB in the first place probably counts as an error, though."
"<jcxz100> sorry FLHerne - it was simply a continuation of a hallucination I had earlier about being possessed by the spirit of dead Sovjet leaders"
"We were told there was an issue with a freight train in the area and thought it might be one of ours, so we are sending staff to the site to take a look."
Fun fact: address translation on x86 is Turing complete.
"Dang it! I come up with something sig-worthy and it can't be sigged because people would think I'm dead. Just my luck."
"Your correspondent rather foolishly suggested that nothing gets open source geeks more riled than breaching the General Protection Licence. Turns out that failing to use its proper name - the General Public Licence - in fact gets said geeks more riled."
"I have discovered a truly marvelous proof that information is infinitely compressible, and when the expansion algorithm detailed in that proof is applied to this sentence it will output that proof."
"People in my gaming group reference things I don't get and then give me this look like I'm a talking ostrich."
"To increase stationary entropy, pencils spontaneously travel from places of low pencil-affinity to places of high pencil-affinity, but only under the right conditions."
"It's just the worst device for moving through forests, seriously. Every single one up to now has exploded."
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Reading about how a wheel works is a poor substitute for the experience of driving around on a few wheels of your own creation.
"You are trying to find help in the help file. You do not, at that particular moment, give a hoot whether the database is small, big, customized, or chocolate-covered."
Every time you provide an option, you're asking the user to make a decision.
A snail is at the bottom of a well that is 20 meters in depth. Every day the snail climbs 5 meters upwards, but at night it slides 4 meters back downwards. How many days must elapse till the snail reaches the top of the well?
It turns out you can't take responsibility for someone else's happiness.
"The whole 'CERN could make a black hole and kill us all!' stuff is junk but it's the 'kill us all' part that's nonsense, not the 'make a black hole' part."
"You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they have tried everything else."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
"Haskell gets some resistance due to the complexity of using monads to control side effects. Wadler tries to appease critics by explaining that 'a monad is a monoid in the category of endofunctors, what's the problem?'"
"What konverse says is technically not wrong. To be wrong, it would have to make some sense, and on the basis of this sense it can be determined to be wrong."
"Thankfully, if something should go catastrophically wrong, you would have less than a second of terror before being incinerated."
"The escape pod is launched, often for no reason. On one occasion, it was launched by the potted plant."
"The shuttle pilot is the only human on board. This doesn't appear to affect him at all. He likes mustard. He crashes shuttles. That is all."
"In terms you might understand, it would be as if I had a 'toaster' fused to my face."
In the future, flowerpots are hats.
"I think it's from like 2008 since it has an iphone in it, is in 4:3 and looks like it was filmed on a potato."
"We have a very short list of official rules, 20 in total including 'do not be on fire'"
"You're basically suggesting we allow everyone access to ROCKET LAUNCHERS and make it okay by giving everyone BOMB SUITS."
Spending a year wandering around without shoes will earn you a reputation for being weird.
It is far quicker to jump down a staircase than walk, even if there is a chance of landing on someone.
Being serious is at the best of times a necessary evil, and the rest of the time entirely overrated and pointless.
Your computer is functioning normally. Panic!
"Like he's trying to invent some sort of publicly funded reverse blackmail or something."
Often, the most striking and innovative solutions come from realizing that your concept of the problem was wrong.
Any tool should be useful in the expected way, but a truly great tool lends itself to uses you never expected.
"You run `git tree-shake <branch>` and you get a bunch of random commits cherry-picked from that branch into the current one"
"European mistakes like PAL are gone, eventually driving on the wrong side of the road and ridiculous unnecessary languages tied to ancient borders will disappear. Don't discourage them with silly metric data here and there."
"Ahh, but taking away an apex predator is very detrimental to the environment. If the creepers were to go extinct, Minecraft would be overrun by Steves, clear cutting forests and making very big elaborate houses."
California has a lot of issues, and 'lack of a gigafactory' is very low on the list.
If the name of your constant includes its value, you're probably doing it wrong.
If you store data in a format that admits meaningless values, then there's a risk of errors from using meaningless values.
"When I say 'very very buggy', you probably imagine something that has bugs. Don't. Imagine something with bugs, but those bugs have bugs. And those bugs are on fire."
"Jesus said 'Come forth and receive eternal life.' Unfortunately I came fifth and won a toaster."
The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.
The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.
"A book just fell on my head. I've got only my shelf to blame."
"Save your money! Accept one of our free tanks! It is invulnerable, and can drive across rocks and swamps at ninety miles an hour while getting a hundred miles to the gallon!"
"'Global Warming' is merely a political interpretation of the facts by 'Watermelons' who are green on the outside, and Red on the inside."
"Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."
"You're not a complicated person. You love the Mercator projection; you just wish it weren't square. The Earth's not a square, it's a circle. You like circles. Today is gonna be a good day!"
"The Van der Grinten projection is circular as opposed to the Mercator projection. Circles look happier than squares, leading to the conclusion that people who like the projection are optimistic."
"And to be honest I'd rather inject myself with ants than spend any time working out the dependencies required to compile a kernel."
"Pyra health warning: If you suffer Obsessive Compulsive Disorder then we recommend not opening the case and looking at the PCB. In case you have looked, please do not attempt to correct the angles of any of the chips."
There is no ethical justification for turtles!
If you laid all the bones in a snake end to end, you would have a snake.
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."
To fear to face an issue is to believe the worst is true.
"Eventually the question you ask stops being 'Who is John Galt?' and becomes 'When will John Galt shut up?'"
"Sir, we've checked three times. There are no magical portals under your bed that lead to an alternate universe where long-running subplots get resolved."
The more you have to rationalize your actions, the less rational they actually are.
"This movie appears to have been made by a group of people who are individually among the worst their fields have to offer, and who went on to inspire each other to new lows."
"Ho! Everyting make vit de PERFECT SENSE now!"
"Can I solder these together? YES I CAN!"
"So, um, if we promise not to cause any more mechanical whale attacks - can we go inside and get back to work?"
"Amazing! They're able to maneuver on the SURFACE! These are no ORDINARY subterranean mecha-narwhals!"
Be yourself, except: if you have the opportunity to be a unicorn, then be a unicorn.
"If in the course of your explorations you happen to stumble upon a sensible reason for you to be here, do let me know."
"Hopefully with less explosions than Kerbal Space Program! Michael Bay movies have less explosions that Kerbal Space Program. I don't think SpaceX could match that if they TRIED."
Any high-end power cell is a bomb with controls.
"These opinions are mine alone, unless anyone happens to agree with me."
"These aren't our illustrious orbiting sex geckos, but they are the experiment's ground-based control sex geckos, and that's almost as good!"
WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN.
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
"Well, Linux uses its vendor-specific [Unicode] codepage for Klingon. Which says it all, really."
The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is YOU.
The past is a foreign country, with an outdated military and huge oil reserves.
"Horses have over two hundred million legs. The mean horse has only three legs, however. (I am thinking of a specific mean horse. That is why he is mean; he hasn't got a leg to stand on, and he knows it.)"
"Perl is 'some assembly required'. Python is 'batteries included'. PHP is 'kitchen sink, but it’s from Canada and both faucets are labeled C'."
"In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere."
"It's a reverse hostage situation, if you kill the snatchers they'll fill your fort with babies."
"Through a convoluted process, a user's brain generates facts. These are typed into Wikipedia."
"You need to capture some moral high ground that sits outside of artillery range."
First rule of cats: If your neighbor has a cat, you have a cat.
Data is like an ideal gas. If you extend the space, it automatically fills it instantly.
If it’s all pro and no con, it’s a con.
"I'm going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet."
The Britannica tells you what dead white men agreed upon, Wikipedia tells you what live Internet users are fighting over.
The Truth, unlike an opinion, is not open to reasonable debate. Any reasonable person presented with The Truth will agree with it, so by definition, any debate or resistance must be unreasonable.
The Truth will encounter great opposition.
Normally, unreasonable people can be placated with unreasonable arguments, and this should be tried.
The Truth will be vehemently opposed by nearly everyone; therefore, opposition from many people is clear evidence that you come bearing The Truth."
The Truth is appropriate everywhere. Mere facts can sometimes be irrelevant, such as the molecular structure of a lettuce leaf in an article on Albanian politics. But The Truth is always relevant, and should be included everywhere that text can be put.
"The Truth does not require verification through reliable sources. That sort of thing may be necessary for mere 'facts', but we're talking about The Truth here, people!"
"If it seems to you that I am angry or something, please read the above as if it's spoken by Morgan Freeman."
Although no one has ever dropped a cruise ship from a high altitude, their terminal velocity at the surface is probably a little below the speed of sound. Because the air in the ocean basins would be compressed, the terminal velocity of ships near the bottom would be lower than at the surface.
"It was really foolish to allow anyone else write access to /mnt/doom. He really needed a better sysadmin."
"Now, this all makes sense if we assume the spring is a ball on a pendulum with its mass at a point at its centre suspended in mid-air but there's no air and no gravity and the pendulum spring has no mass and no friction. I believe the other unstated assumptions are obvious."
Competence has a certain tendency to be contagious. Unfortunately, so does incompetence.
"Last year I wrote about mercury azides, a most alarming class of compounds whose synthesis would be much easier if the two solvent layers didn't keep getting disturbed by explosions. I've also covered selenium tetraazide, a cheerful lemon-yellow solid with the annoying habit of blowing up when it gets warmer than about -64C, which would explain why you don't run into it very often."
"The parent tetra-azide was explosive, to be sure, but could be kept at room temperature without necessarily blowing up."
"Keeping the reaction mixture for about 15 min at -64 °C resulted in a violent explosion that destroyed the sample container and the surrounding stainless-steel Dewar flask."
"Explosions are definitely underappreciated as a mixing technique, but in this case, they are keeping you from forming any larger crystals, a development which the paper says, with feeling, 'should be avoided by all means'."
"Schlock Mercenary - the only community where people will assume that 30 inches is the DIAMETER of a sniper rifle's barrel without raising an eyebrow."
"Lota shall now juggle seven hundred and fifty tons of cargo using Lota's military-grade gravitics while flying. Perhaps someday Lota will find something challenging to do."
"This is Lota. Don't refer to Lota using pronouns, because they are too puny for Lota. Also, don't get confused when Lota refers to Lota in the first-person proper."
"Note: Those who have worked fast-food, and who have lamented the unflattering uniforms which they've been required to wear have no place to complain until they've worn a uniform that includes a wig, a mustache and buck-teeth."
"Pirates that stupid would be worrisome, sir. Stupid is hard to predict."
"Did you see the resonance patterns when the blast fronts overlapped? Chewy. Chewy and delicious, with radioactive sprinkles."
"I just tried eating myself, and that doesn't let me fly. Your comparison is inaccurate."
On the internet, it's okay to say, "You know, this kind of works some of the time if you're using the right technology," and BAM! it's part of the internet now.
"The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first."
The Internet is a great place to spread a message, no matter how silly it is.
"I don’t know all of the answers in life, but I do know all of the things which aren’t the answers, and JavaScript falls into the same category as Scientology, homeopathic medicine, and making dogs wear tiny sweaters due to a misplaced belief that this is what dogs would do if they had access to looms and opposable thumbs."
"Unfortunately, defining success for a flying machine is easy ("I’M ME BUT I’M A BIRD"), whereas defining success for a Web browser involves Cascading Style Sheets, a technology which intrinsically dooms any project to epic failure."
"I’m glad that people are working on new kinds of bouncing icons because they believe that humanity has solved cancer and homelessness and now lives in a consequence-free world of immersive sprites."
"When it’s 3 A.M., and you’ve been debugging for 12 hours, and you encounter a virtual static friend protected volatile templated function pointer, you want to go into hibernation and awake as a werewolf and then find the people who wrote the C++ standard and bring ruin to the things that they love."
"There will be rich debates about the socioeconomic implications of Helvetica Light, and at some point, you will have to decide whether serifs are daring statements of modernity, or tools of hegemonic oppression that implicitly support feudalism and illiteracy."
"In most situations, GUI designers should not be forced to fight each other with tridents and nets as I yell 'THERE ARE NO MODAL DIALOGS IN SPARTA!'"
At some point, we have got to give up and just start stupid-proofing this damn technology.
"Superficially it looks like it has tons of gee-whiz neato stuff...however, it's agonizingly slow. I mean glacial. A heavily sedated sloth with no legs is probably faster."
It is always best to speak in absolutes on Slashdot. (Qualifications and honesty might make you appear rational and you wouldn’t want to stand out).
"Obviously, we'd dump the waste in the elevator, as per usual. This would cause a problem for the giant space sharks if they tried to use the elevator. However, in my experience, sharks hardly ever use elevators."
"Don't call it nepotism, call it genetically-targeted economic assistive relief."
Things are rarely just crazy enough to work, but they're frequently just crazy enough to fail hilariously.
"I would have thought that the governing body in charge of the physical constants of the universe would have a budget for website design."
Inventing teleportation is easy, the hard part is a shield against loss of the soul.
Using pi as a compression system is one thing, but using it for a filesystem brings the additional problem of random access.
ALL information is infinitely compressible, just not in a lossless manner.
"If anyone feels unhappy about emotion being punishable by death, please speak up."
Ravioli is how the Universe fills a small part of itself with cheese.
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
"The sensitivity of C2N14 is beyond our capabilities of measurement. The smallest possible loadings in shock and friction tests led to explosive decomposition."
"The compound exploded in solution, it exploded on any attempts to touch or move the solid, and (most interestingly) it exploded when they were trying to get an infrared spectrum of it."
"I don’t know about you, but one exploding spectrometer is generally enough to recognize a motion to adjourn for the day."
"What makes it unusual is not that it blows up, but that it doesn’t actually blow up immediately."
"There’s a recent report of a method to make a more stable form of it, by mixing it with TNT."
"There are no conceivable uses for it - well, other than blowing up Raman spectrometers, which is a small market."
"It is, of course, extremely toxic, but that's the least of the problem. It is hypergolic with every known fuel, and so rapidly hypergolic that no ignition delay has ever been measured. It is also hypergolic with such things as cloth, wood, and test engineers, not to mention asbestos, sand, and water - with which it reacts explosively."
"If, however, this coat is melted or scrubbed off, and has no chance to reform, the operator is confronted with the problem of coping with a metal-fluorine fire. For dealing with this situation, I have always recommended a good pair of running shoes."
"Owing to the extreme instability of the compound accurate determinations of the boiling and melting points have not been made as yet. Numerous explosions, often without assignable cause, have occurred during the experiments."
"...masks and breast-plates of sheet iron worn by observers during times of danger. Each mask is provided with a rectangular pane (7 x 3 inches) of shatter-proof glass. Although scores of violent detonations have occurred, with resultant demolition of much apparatus, no personal injury has been suffered."
"What happens next is just what you think happens: you run a mixture of oxygen and fluorine through a 700-degree-heating block."
"And he's just getting warmed up, if that's the right phrase to use for something that detonates things at -180C."
"A. G. Streng, folks, absolutely takes the corrosive exploding cake, and I have to tip my asbestos-lined titanium hat to him."
"I would like to order a couple of kilos of FOOF from Hangzhou Sage Chemical just to see the crater on Google Maps."
"In case of emergency ask porter for gas mask, working hours 08:00-16:00."
"Sir, we finally have enough corpses to serve as a ramp for your horse."
Keep in mind that the human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.
"I've met him once and couldn't tell if he's completely insane or a genius."
"Wait, normal people don't communicate exclusively in iambic pentameter? Shakespeare lied to me!"
"I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!"
"If your security system had been better, it wouldn't MATTER that my password was 'password!'"
Do you think it makes sense to say a mollusc can behave altruistically?
"Of course it's me! Who else could ever wear such a majestic and commanding a hat?!"
"Vole has that perfect blend of invulnerability and expendability always so useful in a minion."
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that–lacking zero–they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
A cloud of uniform room-temperature air full of starlings would have to be much larger than the Earth to collapse under gravity.
"And for some reason the designer decided that missiles should never ever explode inside the launching ship."
"If the size of socklen_t changes while your program is running, OpenSSL will cope! Also, if /dev/null moves."
"Big-endian x86_64 doesn't exist yet, but OpenSSL supports it anyway. Proactive coding!"
"That lovely feeling when you typo a PID and kill returns successfully."
"The #xkcd way is to initially give vague, contradictory answers, then derail the discussion over a disagreement about some minor point and eventually end up with everyone talking about the plausibility of sending kittens to Saturn."
If you've decided you really want your house balanced on a ball, hey that's cool, but be aware there's a ton of reasons why most people don't do that.
"You said yourself this will be insanely dangerous, so who better to try it on than someone dangerously insane?"
"Oh, great. They've gone and bloody self-destructed just to make me look like an idiot."
Ugly problems often require ugly solutions. Solving an ugly problem in a pure manner is bloody hard.
PHP is built to keep chugging along at all costs. When faced with either doing something nonsensical or aborting with an error, it will do something nonsensical.
"And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. That’s what’s wrong with PHP."
"You knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door."
Part of what makes a good developer is the ability to choose the tools that work best.
"This is an actual photo of a real world, honest to God double-clawed hammer. Such a thing exists. Isn't that amazing? And also, perhaps, a little disturbing?"
"Warning: An automated filter has identified your attempt to delete the main page as potentially unconstructive."
"It is also acceptable to climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man for purposes other than to gain advantage in a content dispute. It is always acceptable to scale the Reichstag dressed as Batman, for any reason, or no reason whatsoever."
No Wikipedia editor may climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man in order to gain advantage in a content dispute.
"This is not a decree by the Cabal. It is nonobligatory and not to be considered equivalent to a religious belief that all users are to follow. When editing this page, please ensure that your revision does not reflect Supreme Cabalism."
"Sir, the Asgardian Pantheon is not some kind of...of marketing scheme! You cannot just 'join it'!"
"He can pronounce 'stratosphere' but not 'the'?"
"Their leaflets keep saying get Britain back. I am in Britain and am worried it has floated into the Atlantic with me on it."
The decades-old Unix 'pipe' model is just plain dumb, because it forces you to think of everything as serializable text, even things that are fundamentally not text, or that are not sensibly serializable.
"An excellent suggestion, Sir, with just two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have a power source for the lasers, and two, we don't have any lasers."
"They blew up part of the water first. That one, the impact into the water wouldn't kill you. The explosion would."
"The total value we place on all the world's humans is about $60 trillion - less than the total value we place on all the world's oil."
"Sure, it would be more fun to call it "two octillion gigadollars," but that's getting a little ridiculous."
"I was thinking more of mounting it on a frigate. But that's just me. A hamster will do just fine."
Alien tech is like that. It either works perfectly or blows up. No middle ground. You never hear of an enigmatic alien device eating someone's ATM card.
"I know all these words, but I just can't parse this."
"Because it is submersed in a marine environment, I call it the Going-Under-The-Water-Safely Device."
Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
In the UK they've built specialist power stations inside mountains just so the entire nation can use their high-powered kettles at the same time.
Hottish, not boiling, water tends to make a weird tea that's bitter and weak at the same time, and is no fun to drink.
"I hereby declare skyscrapers to be called 'vertical stationary trains'."
"With this newfound knowledge that it is in fact a crocodile, I will smack it in the head again."
"I confiscated the power supply for the sergeant's plasgun, and fifteen minutes later he'd put out one of his eyes."
Warning: Humans can detect you, even at night, by tracking vibrations through the atmosphere.
Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what other species would regard as inventive forms of murder.
Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places.
"The tornado touched down directly over a merry-go-round, in what victims are calling a 'fun' and 'awesome' disaster."
"That runs into it's own engineering problems of course. Like the question of how to contain ten thousand degree gaseous nuclear fuel that is in the process of continuously detonating."
"All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"
As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.
"not nale, not-nale. thog help nale nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail."
"Do you think crushing an entire civilization beneath our heels 'just happens'? It's all fun and games for them, but I'm the one who has to make the magical lightning-powered trains run on time."
"A warforged polymorphed into a chain golem shapeshifted into a shapeshift druid attack form all at the center of a 30ft. radius mini-blizzard with Chains whipping out to beat things down or take their stuff? Great Googly-Moogly do I not know what is going on here."
"We are all interested in the future, For that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives!"
"Future events such as these will affect you in the future."
"I get paralyzed in a series of nested 'if they do this, then I should do this, but if they know this, then they do this [etc]' recursions until I babble incoherently."
"Doing this all day leaves you in a state of mild aphasia as you look at people's faces while they're speaking and you don't know they've finished because there's no semicolon."
ERROR: Attempted to parse HTML with regular expression; system returned Cthulhu.
"They got halfway through it and then just added extra support columns to keep the thing standing, but they left the suspension cables because they're still sort of holding up parts of the bridge. Nobody knows which parts, but everybody's pretty sure they're important parts."
"Oh man, dont hit me with them negative waves so early in the mornin!"
Unable to process request. Please run for your lives.
"The proper way to indent is to use block comments of varying lengths. Comments are ignored when the program is compiled, so there's less whitespace to cause slowdown in the actual code."
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. Nobody likes it, and the frog dies.
"You need to work up a better grade of threat. I don't know, maybe grow a moustache so you can twirl it."
If you need a 20-line comment to explain why two lines of code should work, they don't.
"Lord Vader, this is farcical. I'm riding in a giant attack camel."
"I've never seen the Icarus story as a lesson about the limitations of humans. I see it as a lesson about the limitations of wax as an adhesive."
"So...you walked around for two years with a defective bomb strapped to your face?"
"Your plane would fly pretty well, except it would be on fire the whole time, and then it would stop flying, and then stop being a plane."
"The only way to get it into space was to build the atmospheric stages on top of it like a 400-ton hat made of fire and structural inadequacy."
No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can't increase the speed of light.
The speed of light is one foot per nanosecond.
"I may be misunderstood by polite society, but as a gregarious jellyfish, my dramatic tensions respect the standard semantics for adjectives and nouns."
"John’s coworkers eventually understood his wisdom, and their need to wear coffee-resistant indoor ponchos lessened with time."
"If I were walking past your house and I saw that it was on fire, I could try to put out the fire by finding a dingo and then teaching it how to speak Spanish. That’s certainly a thing that I could do."
"I HAVE NO TOOLS BECAUSE I'VE DESTROYED MY TOOLS WITH MY TOOLS."
"...and the next day you’d start XOR’ing the branch’s PC address with a shift register containing the branch’s recent branching history, because in those days, you could XOR anything with anything and get something useful."
You would be sad if you went to the hospital to have your appendix removed, and the surgeon opened you up, and she said, 'I DIDN’T EXPECT YOUR LIVER TO HAVE GILLS', and then she proceeded with her original surgical plan, despite the fact that you’re apparently a mer-person.
"Do you think we could do this again sometime? I mean, without the physical trauma and hospital visit."
"Stop trying to set me on fire with your mind!"
"Sadly, the relationship between CSS and HTML is the same relationship that links the instructions for building your IKEA bed to the unassembled, spiteful wooden planks that purportedly contain latent bed structures."
Inventors should just give up and tell society to stop asking for such ridiculous things.
"...like one of those Picasso paintings that you pretend to understand, but which everyone wants to throw into an ocean because nobody wants to look at a painting of a blue man who is composed of isosceles triangles and has a guitar emerging from his forehead for no reason at all."
"...the browser will immediately go insane and stack random HTML tags along the z-axis, an axis which apparently is an option even if your monitor can only display two dimensions."
"And all the big fish. They're all dead. Their vaporised bodies floating with the asteroids."
"Unfortunately, the laser energy flow would turn the atmosphere to plasma, instantly igniting the Earth’s surface and killing us all."
"'Some interesting physical effects would destroy it' summarizes the answers to a large percentage of the questions submitted to this blog."
"Yeah, it's like the novelizations of Lord of the Rings, just cheap attempts to cash in on the movies' success."
"I mean - you don't GET milk from vultures. Vultures are not a milk source."
"I'm not sure what it means when the unaltered mechanics of your videogame can serve as the punchline for a joke, but it probably isn't a hallmark of success in the area of game design."
"Warning! All control consoles double as Firework Storage Lockers. On detonation of fireworks, please leap dramatically to the floor and feign unconsciousness."
Intelligence is the ability to reconcile totally contradictory situations without going completely bonkers.
"Our products' superficial design flaws completely mask their fundamental design flaws."
"It's been built, and not using it would be an admission that it was pointless."
"Why do we even HAVE that lever?"
"'Minimal collateral damage' and 'entire star system' do NOT belong in the same sentence."
"You're always supposed to have one more 'missile' than 'anti', because otherwise nothing will blow up."
"Hastily naming the penultimate goat Charles, I exploded it immediately before I could bond with it."
"Normally I'm the one stuck in the roof. People just look at me funny, and sometimes offer me a screwdriver."
"It's like reading fruitcake."
"One of these days it's going to be a life-or-death situation and we're all going to die."
Exams are not about your ability to lie.
"I'm afraid no amount of explanation will make that make any more sense."
"You mean you don't like shards of glass covered in sulphuric acid shot at you?"
“Don’t feed me reality. All you can do with reality is prove to me that not all economists are idiots.”
"This man has thought more carefully and considerately about the use of socks in the Harry Potter books than you have ever thought about anything your miserable and lumpen-headed LIFE."
"Your mind is important to us, and it may be monitored for quality assurance purposes."
"Sort of like how when you're learning to drive the first thing they teach you is how to jump a motorcycle over ten busses that are exploding."
A full rotated square will create 16 corners, 96 hours and 4 simultaneous 24 hour Day circles within only a single imaginary cubed Earth rotation.
Simple Cube Divinity is the most perfect and life supporting form existing in the universe and on Earth - including Earth itself.
"Our product will start existing, and we project that it will continue existing in a future direction."
"If that's a roadmap, I think you're better off navigating with clouds for reference points."
"They actually work by expelling reaction mass of disaggregated netbooks on a parallel hyperplane."
"The page is not to be taken lightly. If you read Ray for too long you will experience physical pain from the onslaught of lunacy. Do not try to make sense of the illogical flow of bad science and conspiracy theorem or you may experience the pain of death fourfold."
"Building a steam-powered grab-and-subdue clank out of the stove would be too showy."
"Oh, come ON! What's WRONG with this monster!? Some of those people look DELICIOUS!"
"Oooh, hyu iz almost to de door! Look! It'z behind dot giant wall ov flame over dere!"
As the length of a webpage grows linearly, the likelihood of the author being a lunatic increases exponentially.
"I bestow upon myself the 'Doctorate of Cubicism', for educators are ignorant of Nature's Harmonic Time Cube Principle and cannot bestow the prestigious honor of wisdom upon the wisest human ever."
"Who built this? And are they in prison yet?"
"Using XML here is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer dropped from orbit."
"int i,k,t,*a; //create some floats"
"In general, these sorts of mythical powers don't seem to be 'protection' so much as 'a guarantee that you will die in a certain way.'"
When everyone is out to get you, you must be doing something right.
"Food hallucinations. Not very filling, but always entertaining."
"The number 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 looks about twice as long as a trillion, which means it’s about a trillion trillion."
"Time... line? Time is not made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!"
"What you’re actually doing has so little relevance to what you’re trying to achieve it’s very easy to get lost, and what you’re trying to achieve makes no sense anyway."
"The party was working so many angles you needed a sextant to say hello."
Jam tomorrow, of course, has the inestimable advantage of never requiring jam.
"If you slaughtered the crew of the Enterprise, the ship would fly itself from planet to planet, where diplomacy and exploration would happen on their own. If you destroyed the ship a new one would spontaneously assemble."
"...which usually means he ends on a topic completely different from the one he started with, having effectively filibustered his own short-term memory."
Sell your soul for power, and you’ll become so powerful you’ll be given it back.
"The Times reporter had made an effort but nothing short of a stampede could have stopped Reacher Gilt in his crazed assault on the meaning of meaning."
"Levels are the cure for all frailty, all drama, and all source of plot."
"Ontological Inertia is the tendency stuff has to continue being stuff. Things, in general, keep existing even when we're not looking at them."
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
"My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them."
"My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks."
"One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation."
"I don't know why I'm on the fence about ambulatory fruit that serves its carnivorous master, but that's just the way it is."
"If I ran into a flying, psychic Platypus, I think it wouldn't be too difficult to eat my thoughts."
"I know we said we'd never mention it again, but I just wanted to mention it to show you I hadn't forgotten that we agreed not to mention it."
"No one knows when it was last washed, if ever. There are some worrisome discolored splotches here and there. The brave and sufficiently sleep-deprived will occasionally sleep on it, while the more sensible won't touch the thing."
"Wait until just before we hit the ground. I'll fire all our missiles downwards at point blank range. The explosion will cushion our landing."
"It’s like, French is a great idea, but nobody is going to invent French if they’re constantly being attacked by bears. Do you see?"
"I have a network file system, and I have broken the network, and I have broken the file system, and my machines crash when I make eye contact with them."
"It’s like, maybe Medicare is a good idea, maybe not, but there’s no way to justify reading everything that ever existed a jillion times into a mega-jillion sized array."
You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis.
"'Zaat', though, could very well be the best film ever made about a mutated catfish."
"Nobody asked why they felt it was necessary to do this, but that was science for you, and, of course, students."
Wikipedia has trained us to believe anything followed by little blue numbers in brackets.
Correctness is clearly the prime quality. If a system does not do what it is supposed to do, then everything else about it matters little.
"Huh. All of the calm must have leaked out. I'll bake a fresh one."
Your molpy may vary; void where prohibited by lunch.
"The mustard, despite being a creation of Lord Randall, is generally regarded as heresy."
"Okay, so we've established that if we have two extra moons at the L4 and L5 points we can slingshot--"
"I think not expecting death threats is kind of the minimum level we need to function in society."
"If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid!"
"We don't think it's appropriate, because Nelson Mandela never had a rabbit in his ear."
Turtles have it figured out, man.
"Full rotation is insufficiently observing! There must be lookings up and down!"
"PLETHAURUS. Okay, today I learned TWO new words."
"Ah-hey! An overflowing challenge! With ironic timeliness!"
"Keep that accent up and I'll overflow you with my trophy fork."
"This issue can be resolved with new clothing. You know, as opposed to violence?"
Apples and oranges are both fruits that grow on trees. It would be totally valid to compare them nutritionally.
"Remember, his entire reality is shaped by unverified customer anecdotes."
There is no evidence of a relationship between astronomical phenomena and the ability to balance an egg.
"1 in 9 American kids have ADHD; at what point do we stop calling something a disorder and call it NORMAL?"
"...the word 'good' implies that you have some kind of goal you're working toward, which - given how strange the thing you're doing is - I'm not sure about."
Error: Operation completed successfully.
Error: Excepted Success But Failed.
/* TODO: remove this comment */
Just remember: If the world didn't suck, we'd fall off.
Dress for comfort, function, and minimal maintenance hassles rather than for appearance.
"This thing does some stuff, taking some things and returning something."
"The fact that it mostly does what it should do seems to be an emergent property, rather than the result of actual design or intelligent thought."
"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."
The work of science is to substitute facts for appearances, and demonstrations for impressions.
If we had computers that could travel back in time, lots of things would be easier, but we don’t.
"Okay, I'll summon a horde of celestial badgers and pin notes to them. Then the wizard casts Explosive Runes on all the badgers."
"Insane? No, no, that man is insane! I still have all my fish."
"I will never get an iPod if I can avoid it. I do not trust a company that is unable to grasp the most basic rules of capitalization."
Keeping your train company a politically neutral donation-funded religion solves a lot of problems.
At a certain point you have to just accept that the brick wall is way tougher than your face is and decide that you didn't really need to go that direction anyway.
"Ah, hello sir. I see you're eating a scone. Would you like a cat next to you? Let me fetch you one. And some more jam."
"Yodeling is the easy part. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find an alphorn sized for a lobster?"
"Even he isn't crazy enough to build something that could never be safely used and then use it."
It doesn't matter what it is; the second you toss it, you will need it a week later.
"It’s so easy to write about the look of any ThinkPad notebook: it’s black, everywhere, and if you have a problem with that then look elsewhere."
"The exact characteristics of this shock front—and thus the mechanical stress on the steak—depend on how an uncooked 8 oz. filet tumbles at hypersonic speeds. I searched the literature, but was unable to find anything to help me estimate this."
If you maintain a pretence for every hour of every day, there comes a point where you're not really pretending anymore.
"...however there are substantial differences between whales and pot plants."
If you maintain a pretence for every hour of every day, there comes a point where you're not really pretending anymore.
"Excellent stickpix! But the spacelight is solewards, so I must shine my chewbones, then stare at my viewflaps until I hallucinate."
"Hey, don't go changing the subject by trying to determine the actual subject."
"What people don't appreciate, when they picture Terminator-style automatons striding triumphantly across a mountain of human skulls, is how hard it is to keep your footing on something as unstable as a mountain of human skulls."
"I can pick up a mole (animal) and throw it. Anything I can throw weighs one pound. One pound is one kilogram."
"We aren't in charge of beating dead horses, we're in charge of beating cubist paintings: the problem is impossible and our solution has nothing to do with it."
"I can hear our battle cry now: 'For no conceivable reason!'"
For no conceivable reason!
1972 - Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that shoots both forward and backward simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and permanent maimings from that invention he invents C and Unix.
1983 - Bjarne Stroustrup bolts everything he's ever heard of onto C to create C++. The resulting language is so complex that programs must be sent to the future to be compiled by the Skynet artificial intelligence. Build times suffer.
"Rasmus Lerdorf realizes that his plate of spaghetti is an excellent model for understanding the World Wide Web and that web applications should mimic their medium. On the back of his napkin he designs Programmable Hyperlinked Pasta (PHP)."
"Sometimes a metaphor can be very effective, but other times a metaphor is like a fish with a flat tire, y'know?"
"Given a choice between the Go Compare commercials and the webuyanycar.com ones, I'll take the former every time! (Of course, if a third option of having my eyes gouged out with soup spoons was offered I'd have to seriously consider it...)."
"My husband says it sounds like a new motor; I say it sounds like a dictionary that has been struck by lightning"
"Because it's there" is far more poetic than "I'm rich enough that my goals are arbitrary".
"Duct tape is not a perfect solution to anything. But with a little creativity, in a pinch, it's an adequate solution to just about everything."
"Somehow I think there's more to 'cooking' than 'extruding edible hydrocarbons'."
"They took on a life of their own, ensconcing themselves in online lore. The Internet was not a big truck! It was a series of tubes! And it was proud."
It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.
It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.
"Hm. That's some DR. I don't think Elminster has any feats, spells, class abilities or goddess-granted superpowers that emulate having a steamboat. I think he might be screwed here."
"It's like she's got that monk ability that lets you jump as far as you want, except with her, it applies to conclusions."
"It's like she's got that monk ability that lets you jump as far as you want, except with her, it applies to conclusions."
"It'll either happen or it won't, thus there are two possibilities, and since it can be either one, it has to be 50/50."
"This would be the approach of either a visionary genius or a raving lunatic, depending on your programming and management style. Probably the latter."
Any list of methods to solve a problem should end with 'Extremely bizarre solutions'. There are an infinite number of these waiting to induce bafflement at their mere existence.
"I get on the phone with them. It is, as you’d expect, a long process of assuring them that yes my computer is plugged in and no, I don’t have it submerged in water and I have not set it on fire."
"funsafe-math-optimizations allows math optimizations that assume valid arguments and can violate ANSI and IEEE standards (caution, not actually fun and safe)"
“Oh, you ain’t seen bad yet, but don’t you go away, now. It’ll be along in a minute.”
"'But I use Siri all the time!' some of you are already saying in an email that will never reach me because you're trying to send it using Siri."
"Yup, Magtok is trading his teammate in for a sandwich."
"How would we know if it actually sends you someplace or just disintegrates you? I mean...aside from screams of pain."
When the program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.
You will find that, while acts of insanity have the advantage of unpredictability, that doesn't normally make them good ideas.
"Alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
"If anyone was likely to have preserved a traditional breakfast food in the midst of colonizing a disastrously hostile planet with a pathetically crippled tech base, they were certainly the people to do it."
"And because—thanks in no small part to our own policy of shooting losing admirals—their senior officers go right on accruing experience while ours keep suffering from a severe case of being dead."
"Then again, the logic behind some of those Death Battles is kind of strange. Especially when they start breaking out the math and determining that regular people can, say, bench-press 100 tons or so due to some events in a particular video game."
"I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness."
"London firefighters urge 'common sense' after penis freed from toaster."
"At one point during the investigation, so many national security agents were reportedly playing video games that a 'deconfliction' group was created to ensure they were not inadvertently spying on one another."
"So clearly, we Americans should do away with the extra -ue like we did with analog(ue), dialog(ue), and other similar words. Henceforth the class shall be known as the Rog."
"Given the color of the spacesuit and the time period that the Stop-Zombies-and-now-King-Radical Chuck jumped to, however, he's probably the Chuck that the Stop-Zombies Chuck saw get stabbed by The Most Radical Chuck."
"He told me he was from the future, and robot vacuum cleaners become sentient and take control of the world. It becomes very clean."
"I really like how we gave up on the spoilers because the conversation derailed so much that you couldn't actually decipher the plot twist from our ramblings."
Your questions are extremely unusual. What is the purpose of your inquiry?
"1.0.2 - Fixed a bug where on rare occasions the contents of the intestines of the user were suddenly expelled from their body. In addition, we've improved error handling in this area so that the user gets warned in case this happens."
"Actually I have always despised the tree hugging elves and the backward looking humans. Contrast that with the can do spirit and industrial development of the orcs. Building a better world using technology instead of always pining about the better times before."
"I didn't really expect the torture to work, but I wrote it on my schedule in ink, so here we are."
"It didn't blow up last time, so it MUST be safe."
"Stop using bits of metal as fuses. You have SPARES!"
"The 'Genocide by Straw-Wielding Hominids Theory' of the Cretaceous dinosaur extinction is, needless to say, highly controversial."
"Situational dissidence has exceeded operational parameters. Go to fallback interaction sequence: Kill everyone."
"Looks like an overloaded junction router. Do you have any butter?"
"While odd, I do not find the situation inherently humorous."
"It goes without saying that he didn't leave AFTER the pile exploded. One does not simply walk out of the monoatomic remains of two tons of boomex and 600 kilos of fullernated antimatter."
"Why are you distinguishing between 'Food' and 'Other People'?"
"Ohhhh! I was wondering why I was in the third person!"
"London Underground regret to inform you that London has been destroyed by a Soviet thermonuclear device, which may cause delays to Central Line services today. A good service is operating on all other lines."
"They can have an opinion, but if their opinion is dumb, we'll laugh at them and carry on."
"I think this officially makes me the first person in the history of the internet to get criticism for NOT using Comic Sans."
"This ship hovers with no visible means of propulsion and travels through hyperspace, and you're worried about how the air conditioning works?"
It doesn't matter where you're running, it only matters where you're running from.
"As far as consistently allowed actions go, thus far I've always been able to buy coffee without any problems. So maybe coffee-shops are islands of stability in an increasingly mad world."
"Yeah, OK. 'Wrote the plot in advance' is a warning sign. 'Literal author avatar' is a warning in flaming letters a mile high, backed up by two major metropolitan orchestras and a metal band playing ominous music at 200 decibels."
A strange game. The only winning move is to stuff cheese wheels with explosive coffee bricks.
"The only way to make machinery work, I think you'll find, is to make at least one major component from a katana."
"Of course not. That's what these SCHWEINCOPTERS are for!"
Sanity is for the weak.
"I think I would remember if I had amnesia."
"Sergeant, you will be drinking a very heavy stimulant cocktail cut with shampoo and inert ultra-tensile carbon."
You're actually a yellow-footed rock wallaby.
"Nobody makes smaller boxes any more. These boxes are basically the perfect size, so nobody needs to make anything else."
Roll for coffee.
"Indeed, we all know that fan thrash is most Hellwangmentalfiretastic. I've taken the primary filter out of my Dyson to improve its rateability. Doesn't actually clean the floor any more but hey ho..."
"Pfft. Call me back when science attaches penises to stargazing dung beetles."
Often the line of "not enough information" lies higher up the amount-of-information ladder than the line of "too much information".
"When we staggered out the tree was across the road leaving this big bush on top of the car. In retrospect it looked quite decorative, but we could have done without it."
"I know you're thinking about leaving, but I want you to stay. I want you to watch what I'm going to do."
"The other is that any man who can afford to just have 40 grand in gnomes lie around can write a pay-check."
"So imagine for a moment watching Elmer Fudd scream 'Cthulhu fhtagn' and shoot Daffy in the face. Only instead of a fucked up beak and a muttering of 'this means war', he screams 'HE COMES!" and tentacles rip out of his form to molest wildlife."
"Same bastard who blew up your bar killed two of my buddies. This is after they stole all my fucking lawn gnomes."
"Sadly, Google had zero useful results under 'Gorram poodle fookin cultists'."
"...and everybody knows that shark juice is the second worst thing you can do to a keyboard."
+++Out of cheese error. Redo from start+++
"And where exactly on your virtual CPU are you going to plug the undocumented 16-bit ISA card? Yeah, the one with the D37 plug and the two TNCs which is the only known interface to the Giant Cast Iron Thingummy."
Who needs real life when you have Jaffa cakes?
"He wouldn't let me use proper electrodes, so I had to use katanas, at which point he finally shut up about ablation; katanas are of course immune to it."
"Genes are like muscles; the more you use them, the more you end up with, and the more are passed on to your offspring, like with giraffe necks."
"He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."
"They work on numbers alone, because that is the superior technology."
"So I stopped it. And I did it MY way this time. No more negotiating. No more promises. No more second chances. And I did it ALONE, because I had to. And it worked."
"If I give you two plasguns, and you fire in multiple directions, the only safe place for the rest of us would be inside you."
"How cute. He's like a pithy greeting card dipped in crap."
"Sir, there is no such thing as ease, Sir. There is only terror and overconfidence. Sir!"
"I don't function in society, Sir. I'm a mercenary. I blow society up."
"No, I want MUTTON. These are all ELECTRIC sheep!"
"Your delivery would be funnier if my brain wasn't part of the punchline."
404: Logic Not Found. Please Reset Universe.
"Dude, don't taunt the god-killing abomination."
"Data is imaginary. This burrito is real."
"Billionaire Unveils Imaginary Space Train!"
Soon the shortage of actual goats led to a booming market in goat futures, goat options and increasingly arcane goat derivative products.
"Trade in young, unborn, and even theoretical goats allowed yet more money into a market whose only bottle-neck or brake up to this time had been the physical shortage of actual goats."
"They also argued that garbage disposal was a form of speech, protected by the First Amendment."
"She'll never knowingly side with evil. She'll simply keep redefining evil as anything that opposes her worldview."
"Power I can't access is no power at all."
"Thank you for reporting your own inappropriate ad."
"You know, if you added some vinegar it would be just like drinking out of someone else's stomach."
"Sorry about the meaty fruit smoothie, Sir. Here's your toast."
"He gets to keep ninety-two percent of his mind. I'm sure you can spin that."
"The English-language script was written by Fragasso and his wife Rosella Drudi, neither of whom actually spoke fluent English at the time."
"Pull up! You're trying to deflect the planet, and it's NOT WORKING!"
"Mon canard est EN FEU!"
Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.
"Do you WANT me to grind your feet into sausage?"
"...the heavy tanks WERE in front, right up until Sergeant Schlock found the 'rocket mode' switch on his plasgun."
"Oh look, Belkar gets to play GTA. Grand Theft Allosaurus."
"Huh, a cat riding a dinosaur. Feels like something I should have seen on the internet before..."
"Naturally, he's annoyed in the arena because those are HIS troops to throw away when he feels like it. What if he wants to send hundreds to their death on a whim and there aren't enough left? Geez!"
"This is my seat. There are many like it, but this one is mine."
"I like Prezi. It has this amazing quality of not being PowerPoint. Not that slideshows are a good thing to begin with, but they're definitely better with motion sickness."
"How would we know if we needed an infographic if we didn’t have an infographic that told us we needed an infographic?"
If you don't want players killing sentient babies, don't give stats to sentient babies.
"You have fallen for their trap. Expect FBI agents at your door within the next 3-5 business days."
"Well, this'll work out just fine then. You don't have the ability to do the job that I don't have the cash to pay you to do."
"You want me to stick my hand in something that blew your warship in half the last time you touched it?"
"Your approval fills me with shame."
"I respectfully disagree with your assessment of the situation."
"Basically, exercising your cheese-forging genes."
"Memo to self...Talk to triage team about the importance of disarming patients."
"We need to make sure the line 'the customer is job three' never makes it into those flyers we send out."
"Oh no. I'm TOTALLY fine with this. The sarcasm is just an artifact."
With civilization came civility, civil service and, of course, civil war.
"I'll put "create indistinguishably perfect virtual world" on tomorrow's task list."
"Lota must make the humans predictable. Oh, look. Lota has cannons that Lota has been hoping to use all day."
"The supplies will be equitably distributed based on how threatening parties can appear, and how much damage we inflict in their direction."
"Get your helmet up, Nick. I think your brain might be evaporating."
One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world.
"...but then he came back as sort of a caricature of himself."
"They're just fuel, altimeter, lights, brakes and the giant claw."
"This smothering ocean of high-pressure meat would wipe out most life on the planet, which could—to reddit’s horror—threaten the integrity of the DNS system."
"Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive."
"You don't think I'd hang people from the ceiling, bloat them with chemicals, harvest their blistered hides and then LEAVE THEM MISERABLE, do you?"
"In the context of the medical weirdness going on here, I have to ask a stupid question - was he a plant like a spy, or a plant like a perambulatory asparagus?"
Geeks abandon the world around them because they're busy soldering together a new one.
"When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing. Now, God only knows."
Don't use nested parentheses in normal writing. People will spot that you're a programmer.
"I also noticed that it takes a disproportionately long time to obtain an answer from them to a trivial question such as 'would you like a cup of tea?', which would leave them hung in an infinite loop until some specified time-out cuts their thinking thread short and they provide a random answer."
"I swear if that fixes it I will stab you with this pencil."
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
"Does Windows 98 support Linux?"
"Do I have to fail you again? We're running out of alphabet!"
The French Revolution started out pretty well, but then a bunch of people just lost their heads.
There's more to cooking than extruding edible hydrocarbons.
"It doesn't by actual science. But this movie is running on Super Robot science, where green energy is evil but pointing it at things makes them awesome, where if you de-evolve a crocodile you get a dinosaur, and where as long as the machine's power source works the rest of the robot obviously still works."
"Instead of office chair package contained bobcat. Would not buy again."
"This end should point toward the ground if you want to go to space. If it starts pointing toward space you are having a bad problem and you will not go to space today."
WARNING! This laptop contains gyroscopic combat locusts. Do not open.
"Holy gods someone has actually been convinced to accept a new position on the internet. The apocalypse must be nigh."
"Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."
Unskilled people try to dress their ideas up in the most complicated set of terms they can throw together, skilled people try to put their ideas in the simplest possible language they can.
"The difference between a crank and a non-crank isn't what they think, but what they think about what they think."
Fish are always deadest before the dawn.
"I had so very few feelings, and everyone else had so many, and it felt like they were having all of them in front of me at once. I didn't really know what to do, so I agreed to see a doctor so that everyone would stop having all of their feelings at me."
"We defend freedom and privacy by making sure you have as little as possible of either."
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"A Song of Ice and Fire needs all those characters or George R.R. Martin would have run out of people after a couple of books."
"Like all good theorists, experimental equipment spontaneously blows up when I get near."
Tongs are for wimps without asbestos hands.
Ethyl acetate is a pretty poor substitute for hydrochloric acid, most of the time, when you stop to think about it.
Being dumb and single-minded can sometimes protect you against a surprising number of things.
"He's diversifying his dashing trope portfolio!"
"Mankind is willing to strap tubes full of explosives onto a box and call it a spaceship, regardless of how well it works."
"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
"If it's an Unknown Phenomenon, how would the ship designers know to install something that could detect it?"
"Wait, what? GRAPHICS?! Where do I type commands into?"
When in doubt, set something on fire. If not in doubt, set something on fire anyway.
"I thus resolved to apply my knowledge of temporary market inefficiencies to my Goat."
"It was completely efficient in its own special way while at the same time being totally useless."
"It should have torn its wings off and left a bloody great hole in the ground. You can’t muck about with aerodynamics."
"It was just a maddened crocodile hidden in a flower bed, it could have happened to anyone."
It’s a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s also a bloody great hot flying thing.
"It will be an intelligent network that will be completely client-focused...Network 3.0. By leveraging the social web, we'll redefine the semantic web, and then get filthy rich!"
You ever sort of screamed at someone with your mind? You ever sort of screamed at a DOLPHIN with your mind?
"There are no buttons to push. There are no buttons not to push. All perish here."
"If you've ever smelled burnt dog, then you know the smell of burning wood is heavenly by comparison. Cats at least are smart enough to only catch fire once or twice."
"The entire idea is juxtaposing things that don't make sense in combination and rolling with the consequences."
"Giant robots trump the U.S. Constitution. That's why the Illuminati began work on Washington 2000."
"I dunno, an Elder Strong Nuclear Force Elemental having an attack line of 'Slam +26 melee: 2d8+6 plus spontaneous nuclear detonation' would be pretty cool to see in a MM."
"It doesn't work like that, no matter if you go with Rules As Written, Rules As Intended, or Rules As Any Sane DM Interprets Them."
"That's because you don't keep sharks or cows in your house. Not because sharks are less dangerous."
Paolo Fabbri proposed that domestic cats be genetically engineered to change color in the presence of dangerous levels of radiation. The significance of these 'radiation cats' or 'ray cats' would be reinforced through fairy tales and myths, the story being that one should move away from sites where such creatures are encountered.
"This came as a big surprise. I expected a complete breakdown of conventional physics."
"There are a number of ethical problems with demonstrating that such a device would work as described."
On 1 June 1956, Paul Langston was the first person to break the sound barrier backwards.
"The Court is not persuaded that an award of statutory damages in excess of seven billion dollars is proportionate."
You like Isaac Asimov, XML, and shoes with toes. You think the Segway got a bad rap. You own 3D goggles, which you use to view rotating models of better 3D goggles. You type in Dvorak.
Trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back.  A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn't going to work.
"As with most creative choices made, it's both extremely unusual and obviously the wrong one."
A humane way to communicate with an anatid that you believe to be a duck would be to calmly inform it of its duck-like behavior. Shouting "IT'S A DUCK" is likely to excite the duck, and it may quack at you, and when you're in a shouting match with a duck, no one really wins.
"There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap."
"Rockets are a fundamentally difficult thing. Generally when there's a idiomatic expression for something there's a reason for it."
"If these homes are going to be demolished and flooded anyway, can we set them on fire first?"
"I am Captain Carrot of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, and I hereby arrest you on a charge of conspiracy to end the world."
"This machine is not made to KTHUNK and indeed has a glass thermal print head, so KTHUNKing is a very bad thing."
"Apple's £217 billion cash hoard could put a pretty large dent in Greece's debt, but the tech giant is not in the market for a country, said CEO Tim Cook." -- BBC News
"The key is we've got our fish back. They're now British fish. They're better and happier fish for it." -- Jacob Rees Mogg MP
Eating 2 ounces of black licorice a day for at least two weeks could land you in the hospital with an irregular heart rhythm or arrhythmia.
"I don’t know where that leaves you, but you’re still deceased as far as the law is concerned." -- Judge A. H. Davis
"One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans." -- Otto von Bismarck
"We dared to hope we had invented something that would bring lasting peace to the earth. But we were wrong..." -- Orville Wright
"People who write books where the main character is a young, questioning writer should be shot out of a cannon into a pit filled with leeches." -- John Scalzi
"Uber's case is that the driver enters into a binding contract with a person whose identity he does not know (and will never know) and who does not know and will never know his identity, to undertake a journey to a destination not told to him..." -- Judge A M Snelson, Aslam v. Uber BV
"Theory and practice sometimes clash. And when that happens, theory loses. Every single time." -- Linus Torvalds
"Focusing is about saying no." -- Steve Jobs
"The present invention relates to apparatus which utilizes centrifugal force to facilitate the birth of a child at less stress to the mother." -- US Patent #3216423
"There is no invasion of privacy at all, because there is no privacy." -- Facebook counsel
"World population must be stabilized and to do that we must eliminate 350,000 people per day. This is so horrible to contemplate that we shouldn't even say it." -- Jacques Cousteau
"I'm doing the dearest little serial for Pearson's new magazine, in which I completely wreck and sack Woking – killing my neighbours in painful and eccentric ways." -- H. G. Wells
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone." -- David Cameron
"For me, the most ironic token of that moment in history is the plaque signed by President Richard M. Nixon that Apollo 11 took to the moon. It reads, ‘We came in peace for all Mankind.’ As the United States was dropping seven and a half megatons of conventional explosives on small nations in Southeast Asia, we congratulated ourselves on our humanity. We would harm no one on a lifeless rock." -- Carl Sagan
"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special."  -- Stephen Hawking
"Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist—" -- General John Sedgwick, Union Army (last words)
"There's something about terrorism that I've always admired. The fact that there are no alibis or no compromises. That position is always very attractive." -- Leonard Cohen
"The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability to fight wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them." -- Gene Roddenberry
"Airships put me in mind of a man who invents a floor that is perfectly smooth, beautifully patterned, never requires cleaning, and never wears out. Unfortunately, the floor cannot be walked upon with nailed shoes or have anything dropped on it, because it's made of high explosive." -- Adolf Hitler
"Douglas had science fiction tied up, Terry had fantasy, but nobody was writing funny horror." -- Neil Gaiman
"The laws of mathematics are very commendable, but the only law that applies in Australia is the law of Australia." -- Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." -- President Eisenhower
"Access to water should not be a public right." -- Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, chairman of Nestlé
"A loading computer is an effective and useful tool for the safe running of a ship. However, its output can only be as accurate as the information entered into it." -- Hoegh Osaka MAIB report
"There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'" -- Isaac Asimov
"During the Apollo program, the NASA’s mission-driven human spaceflight program spent money in order to do great things. Now, lacking a mission, it just does things in order to spend a great deal of money." -- Robert Zubrin
"NASA is proposing to build a space station in lunar orbit. This proposal is notable for requiring a large budget to create an object with no utility whatsoever." -- Robert Zubrin
"I want gun-turrets and a mechanical horse one mile high, and my command center is 5 miles under-ground and totally encased in 5 meters of lead." -- Linus Torvalds
"We need to all wear aluminum propeller beanies." -- Linus Torvalds
"I'm sure that looks really nice if you are out of your mind on LSD, and have nothing better to do than to worry about the right alignment of the asterisks." -- Linus Torvalds
"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." -- Prince Philip
"If you still don't like it, that's OK: that's why I'm boss. I simply know better than you do." -- Linus Torvalds
"We don't merge kernel code just because user space was written by a retarded monkey on crack." -- Linus Torvalds
"Until real software engineering is developed, the next best practice is to develop with a dynamic system that has extreme late binding in all aspects." -- Alan Kay
"No code suffers from a race condition, until it suffers from a race condition." -- Paul McKenzie
"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them." -- Terry Pratchett
"My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat." -- Terry Pratchett
"Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce." -- Terry Pratchett
"Given the choice between maintaining Linus' trust that I won't merge 100,000 lines of abstracted HAL code and merging 100,000 lines of abstracted HAL code I'll give you one guess where my loyalties lie." -- Dave Airlie
"I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage
"I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation by *testing* the patches I send out. What would be the fun in that?" -- Linus Torvalds
"This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time." -- Aneurin Bevan
"The latest Jason Bourne movie was sufficiently bad that I spent time thinking how the tree_lock could be batched during reclaim." -- Mel Gorman
"I have sent out just ten bad patches and the developers seem very annoyed with me and think I am trolling. If someone on this list can find a way for me to improve my relationship with them and let me continue my work here that would be great." -- Nick Krause
"There’s three rockets. You glue them together. How hard is that? Well, according to my team, it’s really hard." -- Gwynne Shotwell
"You don’t put stuff on your head if you’re president. That’s Politics 101." -- Barack Obama
"I think a nerd is a person who uses the telephone to talk to other people about telephones. And a computer nerd therefore is somebody who uses a computer in order to use a computer." -- Douglas Adams
"The Idiot Plot, of course, is any plot that would be resolved in five minutes if everyone in the story were not an idiot." -- Roger Ebert
"The approach used with Interbase, hard-coding the user name 'politically' and the password 'correct', is not the one I would have chosen." -- Bruce Schneier
"The rocket worked perfectly, except for landing on the wrong planet." -- Wernher von Braun
"I don't accept the currently fashionable assertion that any view is automatically as worthy of respect as any equal and opposite view." -- Douglas Adams
"We don't need zero-sized read-only files." -- Linus Torvalds
"It has no steering, it has no brakes, it’s got two accelerators and not even a seat." -- Colin Furze!
"We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back." -- C.S. Lewis
"There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist." -- Terry Pratchett
"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone." -- Bjarne Stroustrup
"I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind." -- Alan Kay
"A giant yellow rubber duck floating on Nanming River in China's south-west Guizhou Province has reportedly been swept away by floodwaters just months after it exploded on display in Taiwan." -- BBC News
"At the end of a couple of hours, bloody, bold and resolute, I searched the remains. We never did find the fourth leg." -- Gerard Fiennes
"Every time I look at my older work, it makes me want to projectile vomit. It’s like I was allergic to straight lines or something." -- Rich Burlew
"If you need more than 3 levels of indentation, you're screwed anyway, and should fix your program." -- Linus Torvalds
"If I watched Fox News, I wouldn’t vote for me either." -- Barack Obama
"First off, I'd suggest printing out a copy of the GNU coding standards, and NOT read it.  Burn them, it's a great symbolic gesture." -- Linus Torvalds
"Indeed, a memory model defined solely by litmus tests would qualify as an exotic form of torture." -- Paul McKenney
"Nothing says 'good taste' and 'professional' quite like a bad paint job in iridescent purple." -- Linus Torvalds
"Whee! I'm typing this email on a potato!" -- Andy Lutomirski
"It was weirdly emotional, playing a corpse, but I'm really pleased about just how dead I look in the film." -- Daniel Radcliffe
"This sounds really hard to implement. What if there's a buggy compositor that puts my popup window on Mars?" -- Daniel Stone
"I am always to some degree wrong, and the aspiration is to be less wrong." -- Elon Musk
"After extensive statistical analysis of my G+ polling, I've come to the inescapable conclusion that internet polls are bad." -- Linus Torvalds
"It's easy to get the steering to work 99 percent of the time, but 99 percent is not good enough. One percent of steering into a wall is not...not good." -- Elon Musk
if (size > INT_MAX) return NULL; -- PHP interpreter source code
"Whether the people come back is irrelevant, but you must have the ship back because those things are expensive." -- Elon Musk
"Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft - and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor." -- Wernher von Braun
"The surest sign that intelligent life is out there is that it hasn't tried to contact us yet." -- Bill Watterson
"I think it would be great to be born on Earth and to die on Mars. Just hopefully not at the point of impact." -- Elon Musk
"Language recognition, pattern recognition, things like that. I just don't see the situation where you suddenly have some existential crisis because your dishwasher is starting to discuss Sartre with you." -- Linus Torvalds
"Apple's £217 billion cash hoard could put a pretty large dent in Greece's debt, but the tech giant is not in the market for a country, said CEO Tim Cook." -- BBC News
"There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this." -- Terry Pratchett
"One can scarcely conceive of a miracle more superfluous in that part of Wales than the creation of a hill." -- John Davies
"Basically, in computer science, pretty much all performance work is about caching." -- Linus Torvalds
"Flashing mode should only be used to indicate imminent destruction of data or the program." -- Apple IIe design guidelines
"Sure, they have mobile death vans that harvest people’s organs, but they’re not overtly restrictive." -- Jacob Applebaum, on China
"This file should contain the number 9. This is a magic number. Do not put any other number in there." -- Debian packaging guidelines
"Delays on M74 after dog 'drives tractor' on carriageway" -- BBC News
"M74 (N) J13-RTC due to dog taking control of tractor." -- Traffic Scotland
"Houses are but badly built boats so firmly aground that you cannot think of moving them." -- Arthur Ransome
"Two fishermen who went to sea in a homemade boat they built for £9 had to be rescued when their oars broke." -- BBC News, 7/4/2015
"They're blaming each other - and they're both right." -- Ed Miliband
"UNIX was not designed to stop its users from doing stupid things, as that would also stop them from doing clever things." -- Doug Gwyn
"I am a cartoonist. If you follow my advice on safety around nuclear materials, you probably deserve whatever happens to you." -- Randall Munroe
"How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." -- Benjamin Disraeli
"Have you noticed, they spend all that time trying to get the exact effect of an orchestra actually playing in their sitting room. Personally, I can't think of anything I should hate more than an orchestra actually playing in my sitting room." -- Michael Flanders
"For a successful technology reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled." -- Richard Feynman
"There's about three people who REALLY understand how the Input subsystems are all held together...and I really wish I wasn't one of them." -- Daniel Stone
"Funny Story: Wide lines have to be pixel-perfect with the spec, which defines them to look ugly." -- Daniel Stone
"I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say 'And here is the price for failure,' then suddenly turn and kill some random underling." -- Rule #45, Evil Overlord List
"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble." -- Bill Watterson
"You'll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you're doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you'll hear about them." -- Bill Watterson
"It is not enough to correctly code a function. You must also code the correct function!" -- Paul E. McKenney
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." -- Douglas Adams
"People don't *live* on the Disc anymore than, in less hand-crafted parts of the multiverse, they live on balls. Oh, planets may be the place where their body eats its tea, but they *live* elsewhere, in worlds of their own which orbit very handily around the center of their heads." -- Terry Pratchett
"The AI does not hate you, nor does it love you, but you are made out of atoms which it can use for something else." -- Eliezer Yudkowsky
"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore if you write the code as cleverly as possible you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -- Brian W. Kernighan
"Consulting's the way to go. No responsibility. No liability. Just give your opinion, and watch them not take it." -- Michael Crichton
"Also, as a rule of thumb, if you find yourself defending your inalienable right to make someone else feel like garbage, you're on the wrong side of the argument." -- Rich Burlew
"I have a very simple question to people ... who seem to suffer from excessive narcissism: please name three other persons who are smarter and more capable than you, in the field you work in." -- Ingo Molnar
"What I cannot create, I do not understand." -- Richard Feynman
"Stopped dwarves from trying to clean their own missing or internal body parts" -- Dwarf Fortress changelog, 13/09/2014
"Don't forget that Linux became only possible because 20 years of OS research was carefully studied, analyzed, discussed and thrown away." -- Ingo Molnar
"Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can." -- Zawinski's Law of Software Envelopment
"Obsessing about things is important, and things really do matter, but if you can't let go of them, you'll end up crazy." -- Linus Torvalds
"I realize that lawyers are brought up (probably from small children) to think that "technically true" is what matters, but when you make public PR statements, they should be more than "technically" true. They should be honest. There's a big f*cking difference." -- Linus Torvalds
"Whoever came up with "hold the shift key for eight seconds to turn on 'your keyboard is buggered' mode" should be shot." -- Linus Torvalds
"There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap." -- Linus Torvalds
"Engineering does not require science. Science helps a lot but people built perfectly good brick walls long before they knew why cement works." -- Alan Cox
"Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming." -- Brian Kernighan
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, 1949
"Let's not overdesign this. No sane use will be impacted by rate limiting, and insane uses aren't something we should design for." -- Linus Torvalds
"The world is a good place to be when you have just eaten a few gallons of raw fish." -- Linus Torvalds
"Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had." -- Linus Torvalds
"I can come up with millions of ways to slow things down on my own. Please come up with ways to speed things up instead." -- Linus Torvalds
"In C++ it’s harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg." -- Bjarne Stroustrup
"A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance." -- Stanislaw Lem
"She said Cyanide was a 'lovely, pretty name' with positive connotations as it was taken by Hitler." -- BBC News
"It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration." -- Edsger Dijkstra
Evil Overlord List #82: "I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure."
Evil Overlord List #61: "If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them."
Evil Overlord List #34: "I will not turn into a snake. It never helps."
Evil Overlord List #22: "No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head."
If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the Universe.
"When I say, ‘This will work,’ it is more convincing than other accents for some reason.” -- Hans Koenigsmann
"Because I call the shots! Literally, I call the shots. You're just the meat-servo."
"The fast way is, is to drop thermonuclear weapons over the poles." -- Elon Musk
"For technical reasons, the payload was launched upside down."
"The moderators on this forum are conspiring against conspiracy theories, but I don't have proof yet cause it keeps being deleted!"
"There's no possible way [giving everyone access to the stupid database] can go wrong."
"Falling from orbit protected by nothing more than a spacesuit and a bag of foam was unlikely to ever become a particularly safe—or enticing—maneuver. [citation needed]"
"If you get it right, a few years after a surprising invention, the new thing has become normal. People yawn. And that yawn is the greatest compliment an inventor can receive." -- Jeff Bezos
"The LSS is designed to meet the physiological requirements of two demotorized frogs weighing 350 g (12 oz) each. Frogs are demotorized by cutting the limb nerves, which reduces their metabolic rate."
There are more astronauts in the US than professional blimp pilots.
"Not good. Doesn't have the power. You know the steam is just brutal. You see that sucker going and steam's going all over the place, there's planes thrown in the air. It  sounded bad to me. Digital. They have digital. What is digital? And it's very complicated, you have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out."
"People in groups tend to agree on courses of action which, as individuals, they know are stupid." -- Wayne Hale
"3 months maybe, 6 months definitely." -- Elon Musk
"There's a kid on a Pogo stick in front of my house. It's nearly midnight so let's assume he's been drinking. This should end well for him."
"H.S. Pengelley reported a bright red flash after firing all guns in 'A' turret. This was later discovered to be caused by concussion of the observers' eyeballs."
"And if you don't mind smelling like a peanut for two or three days, [peanut butter] is a darn good shaving cream." -- Barry Goldwater
The only way to get EVERY answer wrong is to know which ones are right.
"Let's be real - this is not a man who was ever going to die of natural causes."
"When your adaptor fails, you will descend rapidly onto the rear wheel. The remaining original seatpost has an excellent chance of tearing your chest open, and impaling your head up through the jawbone. While this is definitely creative, its absolutely not the right answer."
"The total USN portion of the salvage and search effort, including NAVSEA, contractor, USN ship, and transportation costs was approximately $13.1 million. Ironically, on 12 April while working with NR-I, SUNBIRD sailors retrieved a floating duffle bag which was found to contain a substantial quantity of high quality cocaine. After being turned over to the Coast Guard, its street value was reported to be about $13 million."
"The decision led to disappointment for pro-duck campaigners. It led to what has been described as 'possibly the most acrimonious argument in the long, pedantic history of the railway hobbyist.'"
"Thereafter, we invested an aggregate $1.50 billion in bitcoin under this policy and may acquire and hold digital assets from time to time or long-term."
"That's not what I mean. You're a fraud because you're pretending to do these things through trickery, but you're actually using psychic powers and misleading us by not admitting it."
"So when you did this trade and everyone knew the puffin to mackerel ratio, did - in the United States, does that, like, set some sort of standard? Did everybody go out then and know, like, that is the official exchange rate from mackerel to puffins? Does it matter?"
"One of our crew has a mysterious illness. I will refuse to let him on board, yell at everyone, and then set fire to him with a flamethrower in front of his girlfriend and most of the rest of the crew."
'strtotime() is known to be extremely lenient and prone to interpreting very stupid inputs as valid values. Other fun block durations to try include "100000 years" and "a potato" (see T51580)'
"I've actually got a loong time before I fly out. 80 hours! That's like two whole working weeks."
Don't give practical demonstrations of how not to do things.
"If there’s ever a scandal about me, *please* call it Elongate" -- Elon Musk
"Abrams addressed the matter by debuting a deleted scene of actor Benedict Cumberbatch's character Khan taking a shower."
"Another interesting application of nuclear excavation would be a sea-level canal 160 miles long across Israel." -- Livermore National Laboratory
"Of course I just lost a fort to one as well. The aquifer giveth and the aquifer taketh away. Or really, the aquifer giveth, and giveth, and giveth, and giveth..."
The problem with high quality UFO sightings is they quickly become FO sightings.
"Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold of out hot eat the food?" -- Jon Arbuckle
If you're going to ship a box of bumblebee genitalia across the Atlantic Ocean, please for the love of mercy lable it more specifically than "genitalia for biological research". Customs will not be amused.
The success of any paint job depends on the surface preparation much more than the paint itself.
There is an update for: Adobe Download Manager. This update will allow you to download new updates to the Adobe Update Downloader. [OK] [Download]
Firmly stating things that the audience knows to be false erodes confidence in authority.
OpenTTD is a business simulator parody in which players try to find a goal to spend their infinite money on while fighting ecology-obsessed authorities, exploring spacecraft-like user interface and swearing at lost vehicles.
Modern cars have sealed transmissions. The fluid lasts the life of the vehicle, but the life of the vehicle is defined by how long it takes the transmission to eat itself in half.
"Indeed; we have officially declared that Steven is in fact the source of any and all problems with anything ever, including typos. And that him having this job is his fault."
The correct answer to trying to block a user for a duration of 100,000 years or a potato or whatever is to simply reject the request.
"It's perfectly harmless causal pareidolia, you weenie."
"What concerns me is that this vehicle was destroyed in this collision in a way that I have not seen a vehicle destroyed before."
"I read a later book in the series and that was like watching platoon while doing really bad acid, with like, telepathic lizards with super soakers full of acid invading monotheist fundamentalist Vietnam, but this just drags."
"The old robot had some concerns - mostly related to the scissors - so..."
"I need to find something suitable for testing it that isn't my head."
"The country is threatening reciprocity in the form of requiring the airline to operate to a different airport in Ghana. The only issue is that ACC is currently the only major international airport in the country."
Don't get even. Get odd.
"Like all attempts to have it both ways, they have the drawbacks of both and the advantages of neither."
"First rule in government spending: why build one when you can have two at twice the price?"
"I hate it when this happens. Now I have to waste time convincing her that I'm killing her for a legitimate reason and am not just a loony."
Your foot is as long as your forearm and your armspan is your height.
Pulleys are just boneless levers.
"This triumph paved the way to other triumphs: improvements in transport, in sanitation, in surgery, medicine, and psychiatry, in commerce and industry, and, above all, in preparations for the next war."
The fastest animal alive today is a carnivorous dinosaur, Falco Peregrinus. It preys mainly on other dinosaurs, which it strikes and kills in midair with its claws.
"Godzilla vs Kong is so amaze much wow! Most insane movie I’ve ever seen! Love letter to conspiracy theorists! And yet heartwarming in the end." -- Elon Musk
The idea that there are actual shrimp on the Moon is a confused conflation of scientific theories, which yet has a grain of truth in it. The cause of the Moon's independent luminescence is a large population of shrimp-like bacteria.
"They told me I made just too much on the good weeks. But they could help me if I sold my car, blew my (minimal) savings in very specific ways, and got pregnant."
Money is like fire. It's useful, and if you have some, you can use it to make more of it, but it's a bad idea to commit yourself fully to the goal of making as much as possible.
A "Super-Duper Missile" was announced by US President Donald Trump during a press availability in the Oval Office on May 15, 2020. According to Trump, the Super-Duper Missile is 17 times faster than existing missiles in the United States arsenal.
The problem with trying to take photos of rats is they're curious and they'll come over to see what you're doing. Hence lots of blurry closeup photos of rat noses.
"As all involved died in the explosion, the causes are not clear."
In August 2019, the city council of Bielefeld offered to give 1 million euros to any person who could provide incontrovertible evidence of the city's nonexistence.
"In this game you can find a lot of green tiles, you can find UFOs above the green tiles, but not a single iguana, does it make sense? I don't think so."
"The original text goes on to describe all 103 of the numbered parts in the drawing above, some of them in considerable, albeit nonsensical, detail."
"I am aware this is not strictly a bicycle. In fact. it's not at all clear how many wheels it has."
"According to the law you cannot use it on the pavement because it is a vehicle, nor you can you use it on the road because it is not a vehicle. You can use it in your living room."
EVE Online is actually a Cold War submarine game, but all the commanders are on drugs, and they imagine they are in space.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
"Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut." -- Prince Philip
"An Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially." -- Sen. Ted Stevens (R - AK)
"He's not two-dimensionally evil, he's two-dimensionally Rad, and most of us aren't socialized to think of things in Rad vs. Not Rad, but rather Good vs. Evil or maybe Practical vs. Impractical."
The Wikipedia article 'Hummus', along with other articles relating to the Arab–Israeli conflict, is currently subject to active arbitration remedies.
A lot of C++ advocates agree that some subset could be used sanely, but there's no agreement as to which subset would that be.
Everything worth saying, and everything else as well, can be said with two characters.
Near the village of Hanbury is RAF Fauld. Once it was a munitions dump: now it's a crater.
When your co-counsel warns you not to shoot yourself, you should probably take that advice.
"A pretty substantial percentage of SpaceX employees want to go to Mars so it can't be that odd." -- Gwynne Shotwell
"This film is in another realm. There is no correlation to the real world. There is no fear of a copycat Kaiju attack because a Kaiju saw it on the news and said, 'I'm going to destroy Seattle.'" -- Guillermo del Toro
"We can make Europe the first carbon free continent in the world." -- Labour manifesto, 2019
anal chem is no joke
Better to be aloof than alert. Who needs lerts?
The advantage of getting somewhere in 30 mins by rocket instead of 15 hours by plane will be negatively affected if "but also, you might die" is on the ticket.
Truly, your wit has never been equaled. Surpassed, often, but never equaled.
You raise your baton. The glass kettle drums pound out the the overture. Your vision clouds with blood. You wipe it away and continue. The xylophonist's hair bursts into a violet flame, but he continues playing. He's either a consummate professional or very drunk indeed...
Try talking to your local lawmakers about dropping a live nuclear reactor from orbit at Mach 25.
"Ukraine's Military Dolphins Captured By Russian Forces Die After Apparently Refusing To Defect"
"What is the cost of a train ticket from Sydney to Brisbane?" -> "The answer is about 28.8 quadrillion kilometer US dollars squared."
"There are so many wonderful things out there that are worth living for! I mean, you got soup, and..."
It's amazing how much hair $100 billion can buy.
Eventual consistency means that Twitter will eventually be down for everyone.
"Looking at the wiring, it will NEVER be turned back on. The electric company is going to require a county inspection, and the county inspector is going to laugh and stick a big red 'fuck no' over the meter socket."
"We think the holding of a huge nuclear blast in Alaska would be a fitting overture to the new era which is opening for our state." -- Fairbanks News-Miner, July 24 1960
<FLHerne> The new version was much better with the trivial exception of not working
It's all fun and games until a rubber duck gets sucked into your turbopump.
Monitoring a problem is never the right answer. Fixing the problem is.
"This movie should have to give ME five stars for sitting through it. This movie is a cinematic hate crime. This movie is like having your brain eaten slowly by monkeys with rusty spoons."
Motivate your socks!
In 2007, the pun "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me", spoken by Kenneth Williams in Carry on Cleo, was voted the funniest one-line joke in film history.
The Five Eyes Alliance should really be called the Ten Eyes Alliance, unless there's been some horrible accident to all parties involved.
"Unfortunately, the American commander didn't realize that 'a bit sticky' was stiff-upper-lip for 'catastrophic.'"
"We may not be able to prove exactly how the incident happened, but no reasonable explanation leaves you not guilty."
In the long run we are all dead.
Remember to use the word 'shall' when applicable.
"A plan to force a strict dress code on Australian civil servants has the workers fighting for the right to bare arms."
"When she vacuumed up the toner, most of it went straight though the filter and the bag, hit the hot motor and was blasted on to the wall behind her where it then fused to the paint."
"Our anti-vaxx supervisor told us not to be guinea pigs and I'm upset that they would try to police my fursona like that."
A laborer over the course of an eight-hour day can sustain an average output of about 75 watts; higher power levels can be achieved for short intervals and by athletes.
"The chickens would be sealed inside the casing, with a supply of food and water; they would remain alive for a week or so. Their body heat would, it seems, have been sufficient to keep the mine's components at a working temperature."
"Adams stated that the bat was the 'lowest form of animal life', and that, until now, 'reasons for its creation have remained unexplained'. He went on to espouse that bats were created 'by God to await this hour to play their part in the scheme of free human existence, and to frustrate any attempt of those who dare desecrate our way of life.'"
"The explosive rats never saw use, as the first shipment was intercepted by the Germans; however, the resulting search for more booby trapped rats consumed enough German resources for the SOE to conclude that the operation was a success."
"I want to tell you about my big rocket." -- Jeff Bezos
Hey stupid - are you too dumb to know there are 4 different simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth?
You could cause a really small nuclear explosion that could only kill your cat. That would be illegal, and rightly so. We can't have tiny nuclear explosions all over the place.
"We wanted it to be flight hardware, but we tested it and it exploded, so now it is an engineering pathfinder."
"She can hack her way into anything, as you can clearly infer from her anti-establishment attitude and her badass wool hat."
"Viasat argues that SpaceX has not provided analysis demonstrating how the latency has changed by reducing the satellites' operating altitude."
"The dramatic and intense series finale will see two combatants fight aboard a custom retrofitted rocket (shuttle) as it orbits earth for 90 minutes, which is time it takes a rocket to circle the earth. Inside the rocket will exist a specially designed fighting capsule."
"Everyone thought it would be funny if we made the rocket more pointy, so we did." -- Elon Musk
"People who have Only Fans, what is stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?"
"You know what's in a cleaning assembly? Well, springs, for one. Lots of springs. And toner. Even more toner than springs, despite the high spring content. Their volume is easily outmatched by toner. I mean, was, because both toner and springs are now all over the counter."
"We brought a nanite bomb we developed. We've never actually used one before, since in about five percent of simulations, they don't stop with localized entities and consume all matter in the universe."
"Without monsters, WE are the APEX PREDATORS of the world, and thus we allow ourselves to SINK INTO SELF-SATISFIED MEDIOCRITY! We need monsters to keep us SHARP! To prove our METTLE! To CULL THE HERD! Remove THE INDOLENT! THE WEAK! THE AGED AND INFIRM! Those not WORTHY to SURVIVE!"
"Everything has that has been deemed uncrackable in the history of electronics has been cracked and will be cracked, so stop smoking the crack."
A high IQ is like a jeep. You still get stuck, just a lot further from help.
It's important to note that in ripe figs, the fig's enzymes have already digested the wasp, including its exoskeleton. So you're not really eating a wasp, you're eating waspy stomach juices.
"By definition machines do not have 'natural byproducts' please tell me what the human fat melting laser machine is leaking onto my shoes."
Jeff Who's TARDIS stands for Tedium and Relative Disappointment in Spaceflight.
The world is curved, the sky is blue, the sea is wet, and water too. And space is big, and so are stars, and so's the sun, and Earth, and Mars.
Any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.
In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one tactical aircraft. This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and Navy 3½ days each week except for leap year, when it will be made available to the Marines for the extra day.
The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question; it's to post the wrong answer.
Edam is the only cheese that's made backwards.
Man doth not live by bread alone but with cheese added he can do rather well.
"I was expecting you to freak out or say no or secretly be a cult member or something! It wasn't supposed to WORK!"
"The HR department is named Becky, and doesn't ever return phone calls, and I hate her."
"That's the great thing about hydrazine and rumours, they are both self igniting and highly toxic."
It's hard to stand on your own two feet when someone else owns the carpet and keeps trying to jerk it out from under you.
At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country? Localized ENTIRELY within your kitchen?
"I'd like to use the better technical tools available on Linux, but I want to fuzz test the AV program built into Windows. Easy-peasy, I'll just write a layer to let one run arbitrary Windows DLLs on Linux."
If a thousand people cut themselves on a raised screw-head, and report it, that counts as a fatality.
SpaceX has launched more cars into space than Blue Origin has launched satellites.
"The systems programmer has read the kernel source, to better understand the deep ways of the universe, and the systems programmer has seen the comment in the scheduler that says DOES THIS WORK LOL, and the systems programmer has wept instead of LOLed..."
"And the disappointing thing of this program is that they required *five* miracles for this vehicle to fly. So I thought, this is not a good trend, okay?" -- Dan Rasky
The State Amphibian of Vermont is the northern leopard frog.
The R-1's insulated electrical wiring attracted vermin. In one January 1953 incident, thousands of flood-displaced mice disabled many rockets by eating the insulation, requiring "hundreds of cats and repairmen"
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you too. But smoking bacon will cure it.
If you want something invented, just write it into popular children's fiction and wait 50 years.
"Alright, I need some big logs. Fortunately I know a guy with a tree."
Between 1650 and 1850 coffee changed western civilization. Coffee created modern capitalism; coffee created political discourse; it caused the Enlightenment, the American and French revolutions, more. Coffee destroyed the world that existed before its introduction.
Do you spend lots of time and effort homogenizing mouse femur samples? The Bullet Blender® is a multi-sample homogenizer that delivers superior results.
What is the most important step a man can take? Not the first, but the next one. Always the next one.
.Snakes on a Plane lives up to its title, featuring snakes on a plane.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one, half a beer. The third, quarter of a beer. The barman says "you're all idiots" and pours two beers.
When your government says "we're not doing any illegal spying on our population"? Yeah... they've already figured out some legal loophole so they can say with a straight face that spying on their own population isn't illegal, not that they aren't doing it.
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Is there a word for when someone does something completely illogical, but in a perfectly logical manner?
The crack pipe was the first machine that humanity invented to escape the laws of gravity. However, it had a secondary benefit. Because it allowed you to breathe underwater. It took the place of the airplane. And it took the place of the toilet. No more deaths. No more pirates. It was all for the betterment of humankind. It was all for the greater good.
Metastable metallic hydrogen would make a spectacularly good fuel, except for the fact that it's about as plentiful as unicorn tears and virtually impossible to make.
Imagine being the enslaved soul of a worm in a Lego® robot body
"In any case, how are we supposed to know if it doesn't want to mate? Dress up as a seal and put on some Barry White?" -- Elon Musk
The most common English word that works as a `s/*/*/` sed command is 'statement'.
Sleep is where your brain reconsolidates itself after the chaos of existing.
"It was less successful in that I accidentally introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he's taking her out on dates."
It is said that Mr. Graff held the first U.S. patent for a fire hydrant, but this cannot be verified: the patent office burned to the ground in 1836.
"It is absolutely paradoxical; we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means, but we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the truth." -- Benjamin Peirce
Some distros are clearly doing well, and others are struggling, and Debian is Debian.
Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use sed." Now they have two problems.
"I invited him to consider the proposition: ‘There is no hippopotamus in this room at present.’ When he refused to believe this, I looked under all the desks without finding one; but he remained unconvinced." -- Bertrand Russell, on Wittgenstein
Hitler had no talent or vision or whatever it is that separates great artists from the rest of us but he worked at it and produced passable paintings. You'll never be Michelangelo but with enough practice and dedication anyone could be Hitler.
"We said that? Okay, that's ridiculous. I think I just didn't know what the hell I was talking about." -- Elon Musk
The Dobbertin Surface Orbiter was the first car to transit the Panama Canal.
"This was just to say I did it. And now I can say I did it. Because I did it." -- Rick Dobbertin
What was President Harry S Truman's middle name?
At least you are honest enough not to pretend to morality.
"I caught myself briefly wondering whether 'enough people to fill a stadium' meant bodies piled on top of one another across the whole pitch, filling it right up to the top of the stands, or... the sane option that I'm supposed to think of."
"Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for anorexics?" -- Prince Philip
"We have no arguments here. We have civilized, rational, intelligent discussions, punctuated with the occasional burst of heavy weapons fire. But no arguments."
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
"You cannot freeze a human. It's partly a matter of how quickly you can get the anti-freeze agent to diffuse into the cells. A human's too big. It's just a matter of size. A hamster is an acceptable size." -- James Lovelock
"It also showed us that essentially every Sci-Fi Movie Interface was unrealistic and would be unreadable under extreme conditions." -- Jarrett Farnitano, SpaceX
"When a rocket engine is firing, it's like a continuous explosion! The hardest part is to build the engine so that the explosion stays on the inside." -- Asher Dunn, SpaceX
Human babies are made of all the same things you're made of, except much fresher. That makes them the perfect food.
How many bananas are actually present on Earth at an average instant?
A 'pirate-ninja' is a unit of measurement that represents one kilowatt-hour (3.6 MJ) per Martian day. It is equivalent to about 40.55 watts.
Balancing and maneuvering a thousand pounds of fast-moving horse flesh balanced on flexible supports is probably hard for you, at least via an interface of individual muscles, at least without more practice being a horse.
"I am deliberately not turning this site into a Whack-a-Mole exercise dealing with a series of objections to some of the coronavirus vaccines, or all of the coronavirus vaccines, or all vaccines for anything ever, or germ theory in general, or ontology and the knowability of any facts whatsoever." -- Derek Lowe
"The logical end point of having to filter through dogshit TV for yourself is basically just imagining the ideal TV show in your head and being satisfied with that."
"The fear of anthrax pales into insignificance to me as I have lived adjacent to a council rubbish dump for nearly three years."
"There’s a tradition of scientists approaching senility to come up with grand, improbable theories. Wolfram is unusual in that he’s doing this in his 40s." -- Freeman Dyson
"It's a good book! It is full of horrible things! They are compellingly written! This makes it worse!"
"The professional paid crew have that white uniform, the owners and guests have casual stripey blazers because this is the 1920s, you've made the mistake of inviting Poirot aboard, and someone is about to get murdered."
"MySpaceBarFailedMeIAmUsingShiftInsteadCanYouPleaseHelpMe?"
"You don't have to buy the damn thing, Jones, just draw it!"
"Anti-tank missiles?! Where do I put them? The men will have to wear the missiles as hats!"
"...but Shane wanted to improve his design first. And by 'improve' he seems to have meant 'completely redesign from the ground up'."
"Even with their catapult machine, the French physicists could only achieve about 20 bounces—significantly less than the current world record of 88 skips, set in 2013."
"Ah! Frog! Hello, frog. If you shoot them they're 5 XP each. Don't ask how I know."
"This device appears to be a unique combination of flame loudspeaker and gramophone. Here the flames do not generate the sound; that comes from a conventional horn, then passes through the flames, whose amplitude is modulated by the sound. In a true flame loudspeaker the electrical signal is applied directly to the flame by electrodes."
"We value your privacy, now give it over."
"Fairies are essential to the growth of plants and the welfare of the vegetable kingdom" -- Air Chief Marshal Lord Dowding
Would you rather take some real-life training that you get paid to attend, or pay a big chunk of cash to attend training that quite often isn't nearly as useful?
Is 'fastly' a correct word?
The idea of genius is comforting because it gives people a reason not to put in the work and experience failure.
In a 2016 poll from UMass Lowell/Odyssey, nearly a quarter of millennials said they would prefer that "a giant meteor strikes the Earth, instantly extinguishing all human life" over either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump winning the election.
When there's a number lots of people are curious about, but which isn't easy to measure, some random guess will get cited everywhere and become the universally quoted value.
The Eastwind ran aground on 21 January 1964, which is likely the only time an American military ship ever did so inside an active volcano.
"A parrot once had sex with me." -- Richard M. Stallman
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street…on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
There are more tigers in Texas than in the wild.
"You basically have two options when you come across a new problem: delete some code or copy some code. It’s not often that I come across an issue which can’t be resolved by one of the two."
"My CI pipelines don't always fail [pic] But when they do, they XPASS."
<umaxtu> honestly, if the graffiti and the freezer full of rotted meat are the only problems, its a pretty good deal
"Your top picks are 1) x86, followed by 2) ARM, followed by setting fire to your money." -- Linus Torvalds
If you are equally good at explaining any outcome, you have zero knowledge.
"A lot of the people deeply concerned about satin worshippers seem to be weirdly suspicious of muslins."
The hardest math theorems to prove are the wrong ones.
There are conflicting accounts of Diogenes' death. His contemporaries alleged he had held his breath until he expired; although other accounts of his death say he had become ill from eating raw octopus or to have suffered an infected dog bite.
"Non-native speakers always get this word wrong or completely out of context, and are well advised not to try."
The Waffle House Index is an informal measurement of natural disaster severity.
"That's how you get a dog right? just walk round with a lead until one spawns on the other end of it."
"If you do want a sit-down lunch, there's nothing like running aground for it."
A human being should be all human. He should have habits and possessions peculiarly his own, he should not try to look like or behave like anyone but himself, and he should not be half robot.
"He was really a wonderful pet, and we'd probably still have him if it wasn't for some raccoons killing him one night."
"Promise that you will never unlock the feather during boost." -- Burt Rutan
Key West, Virginia is not to be confused with Key, West Virginia.
"If you haven't, look into Zubrin's NSWR concept. It's basically a vaguely rocket shaped criticality accident, with radiation and power output measured in Chernobyls per second." - u/nonagondwanaland
"3:26pm Commerce Blvd. @ Home Depot for disorderly people having an exorcism in the lumber aisle for the dead trees. They were escorted out of the building." -- Dickson City Police
"It would seem we could accomplish our current manned space flight objectives more easily by not launching any astronauts into space at all."
The great explorers of the 1500's did not sail endlessly back and forth a hundred miles off the coast of Portugal, nor did they construct a massive artificial island they could repair to if their boat sprang a leak.
Eat a bear liver every few weeks and scurvy will be the least of your problems.
"As tempting as it is to picture a blood-spattered Canadarm flinging goat carcasses into the void, we know that the Shuttle is the fruit of what was supposed to be a rational decision making process."
The longer you wait to fire someone the longer it has been since you should have fired them.
The ptomaine theory made correct predictions (fresh meat will prevent scurvy) even though it was completely wrong.
"You know how some languages have an 'everything is a ...' kind of approach? everything is a list, everything is an object, everything is a segfault. that sort of thing. pcre is essentially an experiment in 'can we make a language where everything is a special case?'"
"Is it (don't crash) AND (kill everyone) or don't (crash AND kill everyone)?"
"I'd just like to interject for a moment.  What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX."
"A hug was a form of endearment, universal in human communities, in which two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and held each other closely."
"astronauts need to eat, i forgot about that" - sasamj
Imagine trying to sleep and at 2am your upstairs neighbor starts up the mini lathe.
"This dataset, composed of 440 sounds, contains meows emitted by cats in different contexts. Specifically, 21 cats belonging to 2 breeds (Maine Coon and European Shorthair) have been repeatedly exposed to three different stimuli that were expected to induce the emission of meows."
Navy Secretary Ray Mabus has called the lack of identified missions for the Littoral Combat Ship "one of its greatest strengths".
"It just makes such a mess of my stuff when people are throwing pieces headlong into my pawns and things. It's very distracting."
"While the Newtonian insistence on ensuring that any statement is testable by observation ... undoubtedly cuts out the crap, it also seems to cut out almost everything else as well." -- Michael D. Alder
"I have trained a neural net to recognise the digit 3 written on an array. It frequently tells me that a 5 is a 3. If I correct its response often enough, it then tells me that a 3 is a 5. If I train it on 3s and 5s alternately it eventually gets  them right but by then it thinks everything is either a 3 or a 5."
Steve Irwin's death is believed to be the only fatality from a stingray captured on video.
"For me, chess is a lot like Tinder. I know a lot of openings, but struggle to get into mating positions."
"I foresee two possibilities. One - coming face-to-face with herself thirty years older could put her into shock and she could simply pass out. Or two - the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe."
"You'll have a glass that you knock lightly and it decides to explode. It's actually kinda fun if you ignore the inconvenience."
"Do English people realise how completely unhinged they sound? To the rest of the world they sound utterly insane."
"Do you know how difficult it would be to hang a monkey? Hanging works by the downward weight of your body breaking your neck. Monkeys have stronger necks and lighter bodies than humans. I feel we need some scientists to experimentally validate this, but I think it's highly likely that hanging doesn't really work for monkeys."
"They also made a pact, so that anyone who died from then on would be eaten first before anyone else, so as to at least have the consent of the person being eaten."
"If you cannot reconcile feline biology with your personal beliefs, consider getting a rabbit. They are also fluffy."
Somewhere out there, investors are speculating on poultry futures, and quite literally counting their chickens before they've hatched.
The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them.
"Free speech includes not only the inoffensive but the irritating, the contentious, the eccentric, the heretical, the unwelcome and the provocative provided it does not tend to provoke violence. Freedom only to speak inoffensively is not worth having." -- Lord Justice Sedley
"Dear Mr. Cox, attached is a letter that we received on November 19, 1974. I feel that you should be aware that some asshole is signing your name to stupid letters. Very truly yours, Cleveland Stadium Corp."
"Users like this are like a mongoose backed into a corner: with its back to the wall and seeing certain death staring it in the face, it attacks frantically, because doing something has to be better than doing nothing. This is not well adapted to the type of problems computers produce."
If you think paging some data from disk into RAM is slow, try paging it into a simian cerebrum over a pair of optical nerves.
"Bloom noticed that speakers of Chinese had unexpected difficulties answering counter-factual questions posed to them in a questionnaire. He concluded that this was related to the way in which counter-factuality is marked grammatically in Chinese. Other researchers attributed this result to Bloom's flawed translations."
"Please do not use the Statue of Liberty as a symbol of our Freedom. The truth is, it is a statue to the transgender wife of Baal!"
Your body isn't a donut, it's a bodysuit for a spider.
Clearly holes are, at best, ontologically parasitic.
The Polaris missile failed 13 consecutive flights until the 14th had a "partial success" (which meant that it flew beyond visual range before blowing up).
"For you kids at home, a newspaper is like a boring iPad made from trees."
"Soichi even made the observation that the entire suit was pretty much just a big hat, since you put it on over your head."
"Why would I cycle to McDonald's in the rain at night when I have eggs?"
Never take responsibility for something you can't control. (Except for people, sometimes).
Unlike oil, cat pictures are a renewable resource. Peak reddit is a myth.
In 1987, two sounding rockets resting on launch pads at NASA's Wallops Island were prematurely launched due to a lightning strike.
Whenever the internet is given an option to engage in democracy it ends up naming boats "Boaty McBoatface", petitioning the White House to build a death star, and naming Mountain Dew flavors "Hitler did nothing Wrong".
All the problems we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You break them.
Sandwiches are an edible form of structural art.
"As a business, it was unlicensed, unsanitary, illegal, and kinda stupid, but so was I."
"Petrosian rightly considered that, firstly, the bishops had nowhere to go, and secondly, with two arbiters watching, in one move Spassky would be unable to capture all three pieces simultaneously."
"Good players always do the same thing that's really good, and bad players just randomly...random." -- GM Ben Finegold
It's not every book that can kill off two well-liked characters right at the end and still leave the reader with a sense of general optimism.
"On test day, they upped the voltage in stages hoping for lift off. Eventually the system shorted out and the balsa wood frame caught fire."
"Well sir, that's what's great about this offer -- is that you don't actually have to believe in him personally, so long as you agree to be sacrificed in his name. Now, now, now -- are you a virgin?"
"And that's when some tension comes in. We say you should be over here in the blurry gray area, and the company that's trying to fly says 'No! No! You should be over *there* in the blurry gray area!'. And so that creates some tension, especially when you have a CEO that's tweeting really dickish things." -- Ken Davidson, Director of Research and Program Manager, FAA Office of Commercial Space Transportation
The Miranda Guinness sailed twice-weekly trips between Dublin and Liverpool. It had 15 stainless steel tanks capable of carrying a total of almost 2 million pints of Guinness beer per voyage.
Prior to 2017 Guinness was not vegan due to the use of fish bladders for filtration.
If your GPS receiver tells you the time is 62:28, you should not rely on its position reading.
"The lawsuit, filed in March 2016, challenged the state’s misleading practice of providing the option to register to vote when completing online transactions with the transportation agency. Notably, checking this option did not actually register someone to vote."
"Reports of ISS only being 45 degrees out (of normal orientation) were premature. We proceeded to do headstands and cartwheels. Olympic judges would be proud." -- NASA Flight Director Zebulon Scoville
"There's a lot of beeping. I'm not sure having this many things beep is actually helpful." -- Elon Musk
"All designs are wrong, it's just a matter of how wrong." -- Elon Musk
The most common error of a smart engineer is to optimize a thing that should not exist.
"Pascals is another trash unit, I hate pascals. Why is it so tiny? It's absurd." -- Elon Musk
"If you're digging your grave, don't go faster, stop digging your grave." -- Elon Musk
"Actually, I feel like I'm in a Dilbert cartoon quite frequently." -- Elon Musk
"Only a fool would use Newtons, in my opinion, for designing a rocket." -- Elon Musk
"I'll keep the chopsticks. I'm sure you could croak a small army with them. And we *have* a small army."
"To gain entry to the building, Carmack concocted a sticky substance of thermite mixed with Vaseline that melted through the windows. However, an overweight accomplice struggled to get through the hole and instead opened the window, setting off a silent alarm and alerting police."
"I quite liked driving in Wales. It's PvP in England, but PvE in Ireland and Wales."
"I fixed all of the issues in a housing estate car park, so I had to stop welding whenever there were people around lest I be liable for people who decided to stare at the fucking arc."
"It certainly doesn't burn people on touch or anything, and you can even drink it relatively safely."
"There are people with masters degrees that fell for this pandemic charade, and there are high school dropouts that can see through all the deception of the media. That's why being smart isn't measured solely on being educated by colleges."
"When I did 2 hits of acid, I had the exact opposite experience of seeing God. The fact that such a tiny amount of a mere chemical could effect my ‘soul’ so profoundly was proof positive that the soul is completely material. I already believed this intellectually, but this experience solidified this knowledge into my very being."
"My opponent opened with 1. Nf3. I wasn't Reti for that."
Bananas are berries. Strawberries are not berries.
The banana plant is the largest herbaceous flowering plant. They are often mistaken for trees, but what appears to be a trunk is actually a "false stem" or pseudostem.
"Hans, can you tell me uh... with the adaptation of the Merlin engines... how much more... THRUST... TORQUE do they supply compared to the previous engines on the Falcon...?"
"Despite Troposphere 5 being equipped with an escape chute, Kavira was never found and was officially reported to have died in the name of science."
"I want to make African space tourism possible, and this is why I needed to observe an animal’s behaviour at higher altitudes." -- Jean-Patrice Keka
"In order to enable a rocket to lift off from a launch pad, the action or thrust of the rocket must be greater than the mass of the rocket it is lifting.  See 'Rocket Principles,' NASA, available at https://www.grc.nasa.gov/www/k-12/rocket/TRCRocket/rocket_principles.html" -- U.S. Government Accountability Office
"I was holding a board meeting in Texas. I said, you can see the rocket go up and land. That's the one time it blows up." -- Elon Musk
People really need to internalize the fact that money does you no fucking good if everyone is dead.
"It is believed that she hid in the park after hours and found the keys to the cheetah's enclosure. While an animal-rights group accused the zoo of being unsafe, the victim's behavior obviously had an important role in the incident."
"How could anyone consider themselves a well-rounded adult without a basic understanding of silicate geochemistry? Silicates are everywhere! It's hard to throw a rock without throwing one!"
"Following poor crash test results of the BS6 model and ensuing press comments, a Western launch was postponed at the last minute, and German sales were expected to start in the autumn of 2008, when the vehicle's structure was expected to have been modified in order to achieve improved European crash test ratings. After modification, it achieved 0 stars."
Your bin-apathy has cost three snail lives
"More like all the players drowned in light rain *somehow* and now you have to spend 6 months replacing them."
<orbbfrggg> Imagine your androgynous genitals come out of the side of your head and they're as big as you.
"His problem is that everything he’s done makes perfect logical sense but, of course, it is monstrous if you are a human being."
Denying the existence of pointers is like living in ancient Greece and denying the existence of Krackens and then being confused about why none of your ships ever make it to Morocco, or Ur-Morocco, or whatever Morocco was called back then.
"Bezos said NASA had unfairly evaluated Blue Origin. For example, the company argued that it was not specified that the vehicle should be able to land in the dark. The GAO contended that NASA was not required to lay out all minute details, and Blue Origin should take into account the conditions on the moon or space itself — which is dark."
All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.
Yeah, it's the p and n type junction I am most worried about, I have no idea how to google "what happens to the p-n junction at 2000 degrees F."
"I reckon that Stonehenge was built by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle." -- Terry Pratchett
"I don't care how muscular, respectful, wealthy, etc a man is, I'm not interested unless his hair is at least halfway down his neck. Short hair has been too often associated with slaves, conscripts, prisoners, and sick people throughout history that closely cutting/shaving one's mane seems like such a disgrace."
"Musk said that Bezos was "barking up the wrong tree" about rockets and that SpaceX had already tried several of the ideas Bezos was proposing, calling them "dumb.""
"Linux is a semi-truck with 20 gears to operate. Windows is more like a car. TempleOS is a motorbike. If you lean over too far, you'll fall off. Don't do that." -- Terry Davis [RIP]
"I used to laugh at all those sci-fi stories where some billionaire industrialist launches a fleet of ships into space. They seemed so implausible."
"Recommend using Yelp or other online reviews of doctors. Effectiveness varies widely." -- Elon Musk
To someone who has never been a part of an exciting project, seeing someone who is part of an exciting project may look similar to seeing someone who is on drugs.
"Our lawsuit here at Blue Origin has SIXTEEN meritless claims! That’s VASTLY superior to the MEASLY 1 claim of “wtf is this bs” offered by NASA and SpaceX! Here is an infographic showing why this means our lawsuit is the superior way to land on the moon: 📉"
"It was an amazing experience. 9/10, do recommend. One point away from 10/10 because other people around me were throwing up."
<@ZLSA> humans are basically just cars but with muscles
"So I'm just gonna nuke all of this code, and hopefully replace all of these old problems with new and exciting problems."
"It's engineering. What does it look like?" "Body armour? With a ...snake?"
The Russian loading gauge is the largest, and that is why Russian locomotives look so big. They are so big.
A polka is not so much dancing, as it is running around sideways to music.
"If it's in my head I don't have to worry about an ethics panel inquiry."
It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
"The first victim was a member of Group One, a druid who hadn't been informed of the plan and summoned vicious apes to rip off his own head."
"The snake slithering is a mix of Burtt running his hands through cheese casserole and wet sponges being dragged across grip tape; the rolling boulder is a Honda Civic driving down a gravel hill; and the Ark lid opening is the sound of a toilet cistern being opened. The Ark spirits are the cries of sea lions and dolphins filtered through a vocoder."
Over the years, these ambitions have shrunk until the project morphed into The Loop: a small tunnel that you can drive a car through, if you want. (Otherwise known as: a tunnel.)
3,000 households in Cambridgeshire have been warned of an "extremely small" risk their smoke alarms may catch fire.
"I went up to check several times until I was satisfied that the fire was out. I did stand to one side, sort of hopefully, but if you're staring straight at the core of a shut down reactor you're going to get quite a bit of radiation." -- Tom Tuohy
"The world's fastest accelerating car. One of the selling points on Tesla's website is that you can put a bicycle in the back without taking off the wheel."
"We maintain a human presence just outside of gravity, and we touch points all across the Solar System - and beyond." -- NASA Administrator Senator Bill Nelson
"The Virginia site reports 3"-4" of snow falling this evening; they anticipate that they'll be shut down for at least two days, possibly three.  Our site in Maine reports 18" on the ground with another 8" anticipated; all conditions normal and operations going smoothly."
"Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE."
" I waited sixteen minutes for my opponent to move. He timed out. Nothing happened. I reloaded the page. I had timed out."
"Like the Army had done many times before, SpaceX dumped the machine into the lagoon. Today, it is an artificial reef."
The Home Office has admitted that callers to its emergency Afghan aid hotline were redirected to a washing machine repair company.
"NASA reluctantly agrees to extend the stay on SpaceX's HLS contract by a week bc the 7GB+ of case-related docs in the Blue Origin suit keeps causing DOJ's Adobe software to crash."
Things you do not generally want to see in a court order: the judge putting scare quotes around "evidence" when talking about your filings.
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Lake is a reservoir in Richland County, South Carolina.
So called "best practices" are contextual and not broadly applicable. Blindly following them makes you an idiot.
"Over the years, the sport has developed and the lawnmowers are built for speed and constructed to the specifications of the British Lawn Mower Racing Association."
Treat every blunder as a gambit.
"Well, I'm glad they got that out of the way." -- Alan Shepard
"If we can't do a rocket for $11.5 billion, we ought to close up shop." -- Senator Bill Nelson
"You telling me you don't own a chronowave oven?"
<FLHerne> I'm not going to not eat something just because it's a strange colour
<FLHerne> I added the milk, and it went dark grey, and I thought "hrm". Tastes as bad as you'd expect.
The Tesla Roadster was the first highway legal serial production all-electric car to use lithium-ion battery cells and the first production all-electric car to travel more than 320 kilometres (200 mi) per charge. It is also the first production car to be launched into deep space.
"A pop-up restaurant grown from mushrooms, serving mushroom meals, is just one potential idea for the project's future."
"...mixing ALL-CAPS with underscores, spaces, whatever, which shows a distinct lack of professionalism and caring in the silly naming." -- Linus Torvalds
"Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway." -- Andrew Tanenbaum, probably
"I feel like the life lesson is don't accept free food from people who want to destroy you." -- Eric Rosen
"The proposed collider would be powered by (part of) a Dyson swarm constructed around the Sun, and efficient use of energy will be important to reduce the time needed to reach the desired number of collisions. We also discuss why a neutrino collider would be much less efficient."
We are as gods, and might as well get good at it.
"I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time -- when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues..."  -- Carl Sagan
"I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time ... when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness." -- Carl Sagan
"The dumbing down of America is most evident in the slow decay of substantive content in the enormously influential media, the 30 second sound bites (now down to 10 seconds or less), lowest common denominator programming, credulous presentations on pseudoscience and superstition, but especially a kind of celebration of ignorance." -- Carl Sagan
"We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces." -- Carl Sagan
"We've arranged a global civilization in which most crucial elements — transportation, communications, and all other industries; agriculture, medicine, education, entertainment, protecting the environment; and even the key democratic institution of voting — profoundly depend on science and technology. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology." -- Carl Sagan
"<ZLSA> Astra are coming from left field... and travelling slowly towards right field with zero vertical velocity."
"The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math."
"It definitely seemed appropriate to play king h4, creating the irresistable threat of king g5, and I was quite happy with my position at this point. It seemed like things were going pretty well out of the opening."
"A memo provided during the inspection stated these cleaning and equipment maintenance deficiencies were because of a shortage in manpower related to a nine-day dancing festival."
"Virtually none of the web sites give a reference for the paper. What this usually means is that none of the authors have actually read the paper they are quoting."
"At least take some comfort in the fact that your baby didn't die in a fireball but instead just fell. 'Cos no-one likes to burn to death, right?" -- Scott Manley
"I just walked into the kitchen to discover my boyfriend grating cheese directly into the dog's mouth. I don't know if you know this, but dogs are notoriously messy eaters and there is now cheese everywhere. The dog himself is covered in cheese."
"At Rocket Lab, when we say we're never going to do something, we still do it." -- Peter Beck
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
"It's got a foot! You pull a lever, and it lifts straight off the rails, and wobbles around atop a stalk! Is a bit like an office chair. Except for being diesel-powered and weighing six ton."
"I was gonna ask if that's valid in Scrabble, but that probably wouldn't fit on a normal Scrabble board."
If we knew ahead of time what research was useful we'd save an awful lot of grant money.
No longer will you have to wade through long, boring posts with actual content in them. Join the social revolution!
"The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads. That sucks." -- Elon Musk
Did you know that you only use 1% of your keyboard, since you're almost never pressing more than one key at once? Some experts can use 5 to 10% of their keyboards in the form of 'shortcuts' and 'hotkeys', but imagine how productive we would be if we could use 100%!
"People look confused, and it dawns on me that I've fallen into the only task more impossible than convincing fashion people that I'm a fashion designer: trying to convince Italians that I am Italian."
"Tesla has chosen that road, a decision that once led me to describe the Model 3 as 'a Mustang in a bondage mask', thus earning me many angry messages from Tesla fans and a few friendly ones from bondage fans."
"Now, you may have seen my Cassini video, and you may also have noticed that part way through the video I accidentally mispronounced the word 'Saturn' as 'Jupiter'." -- Scott Manley
What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently.
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we read.
"How long did it take me to perfect my mid-'90s look? It was self-evident. It was pretty clear that you needed a mullet and a 'stache. We had lots of home videos of my Dad."
"What you're telling me is British weather tends to be a bit gloomy with small quantities of sunshine unless it's feeling downright contrary and then it can be a proper pain in the arse. Small wonder the people are the same way."
"The chemist in me would like to note that this is quite possibly the worst method to identify a substance, roughly tied with 'eat it and see what happens'."
"Correction: The balloon carried the payloads into Earth's atmosphere, not suborbital space." -- NASA Wallops
"Enthusiasts have established owners' clubs and some have modified their vehicles substantially, adding bigger wheels, jet engines, and high-powered electric motors to propel their C5s at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour."
The lesson from “tortoise & hare” is not that tortoises are faster, but rather that hares should not be complacent.
"People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things." -- Steve Jobs
If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution.
Until the AA587 crash most transport pilots were unaware that rapid rudder reversals could cause the tail to rip off the aircraft.
"<ZLSA> There is nothing out there. Well, nothing except for the Mars surface. And raptors, and some stainless steel scrap, and 1200 tons of evaporated propellant."
"listening to ben finegold is like getting chess advice from a high ELO nelson muntz"
Don't sail an aluminium boat on a gallium lake.
Learning history by destroying artefacts is a time-honored atrocity.
"Your game is working on giving NPCs lives. Our game is working on giving them a working nervous system."
"When you're living next to a good-aligned ocean, merpeople are a renewable resource:  the only problem is catching the darned things."
"You don't need to wait for the young to reach adulthood before harvesting them.  Heck, my kittens don't spend more then thirty seconds in this world before they're off to the crossbow bolt shop."
"I was in Vietnam and a 7 year old asked me to help with his English homework, I knew all the answers but I could not explain why any of them were true."
"If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you're not sure you can do it, say yes - then learn how to do it later." -- Richard Branson
Emacs is an editor that does everything if you hold down enough keys at the same time.
"Boeing has been able to command seven of 13 valves open that previously were in the closed position. Test teams are applying mechanical, electrical and thermal techniques to prompt the valves to open."
"I, for one, don't think jokes about Roman numerals are that funny."
"I'm reading about a plane experiencing a "pre-stall buffet". My brain keeps imagining the pilots being treated to a delightful spread before the plane crashes."
" - adamw to draft vaguer and more general startup time criterion (but not too vague)"
X stands for the Greek letter chi, the starting letter of Χριστός (Christós). The use of the word "Xmas" in English can be traced to the year 1021, when monks in Great Britain used the X in place of "Christ" for abbreviation, while transcribing classical manuscripts.
"This is hilarious. Amazon sent us a 13-page PDF to prove Elon Musk is as litigious as Jeff Bezos." -- Eric Berger
"All of this once-in-a-generation momentum, can easily be undone by one party—in this case, Blue Origin—who seeks to prioritize its own fortunes over that of NASA, the United States, and every person alive today who dreams to see humans exploring worlds beyond our own." -- NASA lawyers
"Starship will be able to place more than 100 metric tons into low Earth orbit. [...] That could be sufficient for TROPICS, whose combined mass is about 56 kilograms."
Blue Origin was “able and willing” to offer NASA a lower price for its lunar lander but chose not to because it expected NASA to ask and negotiate for a lower price first, the attorneys allege
"Remember folks, from the perspective of a storable oxidizer, YOU are a storable fuel." u/Norose
"Of course kids are going to get mangled, nothing we can do about that. Make it spin faster."
"NASA said Blue Origin made a number of assumptions in its bid to build the agency's new astronaut lunar lander and that 'all of these assumptions were incorrect'."
"I guess social media is not all good"
"Throw the entire book at them, and then throw a series of tweets from JK Rowling clarifying absurd details about the book that no one ever wanted."
"And that is the greatest work of art that exists for the whole Cosmos. Just imagine what happened there. There are people who are so concentrated on this single performance, and then five thousand people are driven to Resurrection. In one moment. I couldn't do that. Compared to that, we are nothing, as composers." -- Karlheinz Stockhausen, five days after 9/11
"It takes a certain kind of insulation from quotidian reality afforded by circumstance to be that removed from, well, reality."
"It was a good time. We had some bruises, other people's heads and arms simply vanished at near-relativistic speeds."
"In many cases we view the customer as a nuisance. This is the case with LSA, satellite launch for NG, and astronauts for NS." -- Blue Origin
" You need a pile of wrecks to be a proper warning.  Like, one dead body is just an invitation to go look. A pile of bodies is a proper 'no, this is bad.'"
"here you go, i made a thread of taylor swift outfits where she's dressed as different mips instruction encodings."
"A 3lbs container of quaker oats ought to be enough. Don't ask me how it gets into the lungs, but it'd work in theory."
" The second pair lasted 5 years, cut short by user error (fell in campfire while drying)."
In 1872 the main lens of the Fitz Refractor Telescope, at the Allegheny Observatory, was stolen for ransom.
<Nvidiot> Alternatively, it's a frog dispenser. Lick one frog per day maximum.
"The Frog Otolith Experiment Package (FOEP) contains all apparatus necessary to assure survival of two frogs. Specimens are housed in a water-filled, self-contained centrifuge which supplies the test acceleration during orbit. Frogs are demotorized to prevent dislodging of implanted electrodes and to reduce their metabolic rate."
"Don't try this at home. It's unnecessary cruelty, you won't be doing medical research, you'll be doing a crime."
"It may seem safe, but on further inspection it's actually a machete bolted to a hard hat."
"So thank you to Pete for selling me a Hop Rod; now I can break all of my bones in new and exciting ways."
"We can’t manage ourselves. Not one of our programs is on cost and schedule. Yet you think we’re going to manage Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman and Draper? It’s just not going to happen." -- ex-Blue Origin executive
"I need to make this less shit" - FLHerne, on !stupid
"You twist this little dial here, breaking the mercury-fulminate fuse, and you gently lower this lever HERE, and a sheet of flame comes out THERE. Oh, I am sorry. I'm sure your moustache will grow back."
"The engineers were shocked during the recording of Van Halen's solo to discover that the sound of his guitar had caused the monitor speaker in the control room to catch fire, causing one to exclaim, 'This must be really good!'"
"Ideally I want you at about 70% of your best. Any higher than that and you'll just be annoying to work with."
"2030 kids be like 'lol Gymothy Q7 (kid names will only get weirder) has only been suborbital, what a povvo'" - orbbfrggg
"You're sound asleep, safe, you think, in your bed, and you can get taken out by a meteorite, apparently."
Mexico, formerly known as New Mexico, is a city in Audrain County, Missouri.
thomastheo: jesus that thing must have the aerodynamic performance of a ham sandwich
"I remember the engineers trying to decide how many tampons should fly on a one-week flight; they asked, 'Is 100 the right number?'. No. That would not be the right number." -- Sally Ride
"The structural integrity of the entire stabilizer was compromised. I don't know how we didn't lose the vehicle and kill three people." -- Todd Ericson, Vice President for Safety and Test, Virgin Galactic
"The Greenshirts of the Boiler Police are not going to kick in your door with their sandal-clad feet and seize, at carrot-point, your trusty old combi."
<thomastheo> i did once try mixing a small amount of red fuming nitric acid and some aniline in a test tube. it was fun. hypergolic are fun. and terrifying. mostly terrifying.
When you look at words in a mirror, how come they're reversed left to right but not top to bottom?
If you buy a cheap tool, it will either die almost immediately or be an unkillable monster.
"I read it again in my twenties and it made me want to rip my soul out of my body."
Duplication is much cheaper than the wrong abstraction.
"how many servers does it take to turn on a lightbulb" https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Da7_0YsW4AEM4sr.jpg:large
"As an avid fan of both chess and shrooms I had never considered doing them simultaneously, but this sounds exactly like my experience with being shroomed on other strategy games."
Million-to-one odds happen eight times a day in New York.
"I am confident that I am not a Boltzmann brain. However, we want our theories to similarly concur that we are not Boltzmann brains, but so far it has proved surprisingly difficult for them to do so." -- Brian Greene
Gerrit Blank is the only living person known to have been hit by a meteorite.
"Tesla stock price is too high imo" - Elon Musk
do not taunt the cursed gourds
<sasamj> why are vegans pro abortion, surely a fetus is more of a living thing then an oyster
<electrokitty> I guess I feel similar about eating mammal meat as I do about humans
<sasamj> electrokitty: if you could grow an human without a CNS would you feel alright eating it
"I told Ronnie not to pee when he gets up in the morning, to try to hold it until he gets to the office, because he takes lots of vitamin B so the canvas turns a really pretty color when it’s his piss." -- Andy Warhol
"While the MiG-15 did have a faster climb rate and operated in a higher altitude ceiling than the F-86, it suffered from problems with oscillation, poor pressurization, unexpected pitch-up at high speeds, unrecoverable spins, sudden stalls, and a particularly dangerous emergency fuel pump that could cause the aircraft to explode if improperly activated."
"If you were in command of the horse’s every muscle, it would fall over. (If you directed its cellular processes too, it would die; if you controlled its atoms, you wouldn’t even have a dead horse.) "
"So, you seem to be getting a lot out of the horse and various horse subcomponents making their own decisions about steering and balance and breathing and snorting and mitosis and where electrons should go."
You're a brain piloting a skeleton wearing meat armour
Key to our ubiquitous tendency to stand peacefully in line is the fact that our common behavior is ‘stand in line and get angry with anyone who jumps it’ not just ‘stand in line’ which would be immediately exploited.
"My brothers were into fighting for fairness and justice, where ‘fairness’ is about one’s right to have stuff someone else has, and ‘justice’ is about meeting all slights with tireless bloodthirsty revenge."
Drill presses are pretty safe, just don't drill your fingers and you're good.
"Often the candidates seem to be answering whatever questions appear in their head, more than ones from the moderators."
"Once, I brought a 5 gallon bucket filled with pig blood into McCarthy’s class, and while nobody was paying attention submerged my head in it for as long as I could hold my breath, and then sat upright without ever saying a word." -- Eric Wayne
"And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?"
"Musk noted that there will be no requirement for ground stations everywhere which helps Starlink broadband achieve data transfer close to the speed of light, possibly even faster."
The emperor Menelik II is said to have acquired three electric chairs in 1896 at the behest of a missionary, but could not make the devices work as his nation did not have a reliable source of electric power available at that time.
"A case was brought before the U.S. Supreme Court (Louisiana ex rel. Francis v. Resweber), with lawyers for the condemned arguing that although Francis did not die, he had, in fact, been executed."
Horses have 40 liters of blood and can lose up to a quarter without any severe consequences.
"What happens is a rapid and violent transition from liquid water into superheated steam which wants to occupy roughly 1600 times its previous volume. The rock, not being smushy at all, decides to explode. You can imagine what this might look like on the grand scale of an entire tunnel machine."
"I am going to quit my job. My next job will be making your vital organs universally accessible and useful."
"So far the theories include "panic attack", "some vagus nerve weirdness", "claustrophobia", "thermal shock", "you're just not used to cold water", and "inadequate socks"."
British Airways passengers have been left "baffled" after crates of frozen fish arrived instead of their luggage.
<thomastheo> i can imitate the call of a panamanian golden frog almost flawlessly, but that doesnt quite carry over irc
"High viz jacket, a clipboard, *and* a notepad. All they need is a toolbox and they could get into literally any building."
Squirrels don't carry rabies; they do however carry syphilis.
"Astronauts using diapers on way home from space due to broken toilet in SpaceX capsule."
Here comes an excoriating exercise in logic cutting where you still end up wrong but feel better about being wrong
"Problems with this plan included keeping a dog constantly both injured and alive, knowing which yelps were the sympathy yelps, as well as all other elements of the plan."
"No attributable service-affecting failures, at all, to date. Touch wood. So, by my maths, that means an infinite mean time between failure, which is pretty good news."
"The ultimate limit state, for most bridge owners, is a slightly theoretical thing because generally speaking they don't find bridges collapsing on a routine basis."
i  = 0x5f3759df - ( i >> 1 );               // what the fuck?
"It’s a subtle difference, but that’s the whole point: English is an awfully subtle instrument. A dictionary that ignores these little shades is dangerous; in fact in those cases it’s worse than useless. It’s misleading, deflating. It divests those words of their worth and purpose."
The surface wave speed of pig skin at room temperature is 1.8 m/s.
"Why does ur pp look like u just came?" -- Elon Musk
The Razer Zephyr is basically a gaming mouse that you strap to your face, RGB lighting and all.
"Then you want to throw your computer out a window. Or yourself. Or both! In either order!" -- Levy Rozman
It is amazing how much funding is available for daft ideas that'll never work.
"When confronted with the falsified results, Ms Thomas suggested that in some cases she gave metal positive results because she thought it was "stupid" that the Navy required the tests to be conducted at -100F (-70C)."
There's a saying in Russia "Не трамвай, объедет", "It's not a tram, it will go around". It doesn't apply to trams.
"It turns out the area right above the clouds is a great environment for an airplane, as long as it has no exposed metal to be corroded away by the sulfuric acid. And is capable of flight in constant Category-5-hurricane-level winds, which are another thing I forgot to mention earlier."
"This particular [Crew-2 parachute issue] is indeed a 'meh'. The problem with 'meh' is that once you start stacking them up, you end up with Challenger. You're only allowed one 'meh' at a time." - u/JshWright
"Monitoring a problem is never the right answer. Fixing the problem is."  -- Wayne Hale
There is no cloud, just other people's computers.
"If you can't make it to Disney World, I'd recommend moving turtles up to 150 pounds who really don't want to be picked up. It's fun and educational."
"The engineers would ask "what's the best material for this part?" and get 50 different answers. They were all true individidually, but they were not true collectively."
"Whether he's a crackpot or a dabbling amateur I don't think 'james anderson is a mathematics crackpot' as the first sentence either helps debunk him or makes for a very good Wikipedia article."
"BTW, if you put a tinfoil origami crane in the microwave flames come out of the beak."
"With all due respect to your honor, I think the defense is trying to take advantage of your lack of knowledge about technology."
iPads, which are made by Apple, have artificial intelligence in them that allow things to be viewed through three dimensions and logarithms.
William Jennens died in 1798, with £2 million but no valid will. The resulting court case was abandoned in 1915 after his entire estate had been spent on legal fees.
The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
When you have to spend every social interaction consciously manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.
"No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have."
"No, see, I don't necessarily want to KILL myself, I just want to become dead somehow."
Yak milk is pink because they deliberately bleed into it for extra nutrients.
"Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here, instead of me."
If people built houses the way we write programs, the first woodpecker would wipe out civilization.
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -- Richard Dawkins
"Experience has taught me that just because someone is an acclaimed and wealthy guru, that doesn't mean that they are automatically OK."
If you want somebody to call you, tell them. If you want somebody to be with you, invite them for a coffee. If you want somebody to fill your skip, POST A SIGN! People don’t have a crystal ball.
"That same year, a twenty-five foot area crumbled exposing toxic waste drums, which then filled with water during rainstorms. This created large puddles that children enjoyed playing in."
Tak wrote the World and the Laws, and then He left us. He does not require that we think of Him, only that we think.
MCMAP is a synergy of mental, character, and physical disciplines with application across the full spectrum of violence.
"In a recent intrusion incident I was reviewing, one of the first things the criminals managed to do was find a file called Password List.xlsx. You can imagine how things went from there."
"You're the guy with the guitar strings. The whole piano technician world has seen your video."
Next time you find yourself doing some obscure task you never planned to do, check to see if you are genuinely yak shaving with a firm goal in mind, or have you somehow lost the plot?
"You add like 100 hacks, and the 101st one makes it work, and then you realize that was the only one you needed in the first place."
"As it was believed that he had received far in excess of a fatal dose of radiation, Bugorski was taken to a clinic in Moscow where the doctors could observe his expected demise."
"Sorry this isn't the best answer, but most of it is still speculation. We can't exactly put someone in an fMRI then hit them really hard in the head."
It was considered unlikely that the machine would be used by unauthorized persons, as all the controls were labelled in Russian
<bees> Comic sans gives +70% to scientific power. It is known.
The bananas were ripened en route by means of heating pipes in the vans, fed by steam from the locomotive.
"Blue Origin is in the position of every disappointed bidder: "Oh. That’s what the agency wanted and liked best?  If we had known, we would have instead submitted a proposal that resembled the successful offer."" -- Judge R. A. Hertling
"this song is soo good my neighbours threw a brick through my window to hear it better"
"Blue Origin alleges that the alternative proposal it would have submitted would have both received higher ratings than SpaceX's proposal and been within NASA's budget."
Kilts are not a moral virtue, they are a fashion choice of quality.
Anyone sufficiently into a hobby (especially one that requires "gear") is insufferable in proportion to the nicheness of the interest.
The fact people often tell you you're wrong does not prove you right, contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe.
If you think somebody is trolling, please do not engage with them unless it is funny to do so.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead.
"You sterilise them by sticking them in ovens, and subjecting them to radiation and all sorts of cleaning fluids and stuff, and you can't really do that with people." -- Scott Manley
"If you're gonna destroy the Moon, the best—the cheapest and easiest way to destroy the Moon is to crash it into the Earth. OBVIOUSLY." -- Scott Manley
Toilet roll is meant to break down when it gets wet so it washes easily through the system. That's not the case with large tropical fish.
Words like "incident," "sudden," and "vibration" are not the kinds of expressions one wants to hear about the handling of a delicate and virtually irreplaceable instrument like the Webb telescope.
"As per my NDA, I am not allowed to discuss this position with former employers. Since my firing is effective immediately you are now a former employer."
"Like all brilliant plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my signal, all ships will file directly INTO the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage!"
"On the other hand, if I had an unlimited amount of money and woke up tomorrow morning with a burning desire to see a 2,000-hole golf course erected on the surface of Mars, I would probably call men like Daily and Wall, do a handshake deal with them, send them a blank check, and not worry about it."
As of 1861, some 17,500 kilometers of submarine cable had been laid in various places around the world, of which only about 5,000 kilometers worked.
"He invented and patented a set of 5-foot-long induction coils capable of ramming 2,000 volts into the cable. When he hooked them up to the Ireland end of the system, he soon managed to blast a hole through the gutta-percha somewhere between there and Newfoundland, turning the entire system into useless junk."
"I could just buy one of these, but look at that price. A thousand dollars. I'm definitely better off making my own. So, the first thing I did was buy a two-thousand-dollar lathe."
"The birth process was widely spaced and may have occurred over a period of as long as a week. However, if disturbed the female may regurgitate all the young frogs in a single act of propulsive vomiting."
"Amazon exec admits putting workers in a cage would be a bad idea"
"someone remind me to un-hardcode !nextyear before next year"
Russian dressing is a piquant American salad dressing consisting of mayonnaise, ketchup, and other ingredients.
Being a fan of something makes your opinion automatically invalid
"This is your captain speaking. We may experience some slight turbulence and then, uh, explode."
"The lawsuit notes that the Google Code of Conduct 'that each full-time Google employee is required to sign as a condition of employment' specifically instructs them not to be evil."
"Software has a similar archaeological record, too: it’s called the Options dialog. Pull up the Tools | Options dialog box and you will see a history of arguments that the software designers had about the design of the product."
When you are designing, and you try to abdicate your responsibility by forcing the user to decide something, you’re probably not doing your job.
A traditional free software application is configurable so that it has the union of all features anyone’s ever seen in any equivalent application on any other historical platform. Or even configurable to be the union of all *applications* that anyone’s ever seen on any historical platform (Emacs *cough*).
<orbbfrggg> Considering how energy efficient muscle power is, we clearly need to generically engineering some brainless slave meat robots
https://i.imgur.com/oOdqTWk.png
"Saint-Onge also claimed his mud could heal wounds, telling an Ottawa Citizen reporter in 2012 thar his mud compress healed the leg of a man who had suffered an accident with a power saw, saving it from amputation. 'The doctor said it was the antibiotics,' he said. 'But we believe it was the mud.'"
"I was hoping to get those engines for Christmas." -- Tory Bruno
In 1921, Judge Nelson E. Johnson held that "a city ordinance restricting the wandering of bees" was unconstitutional.
"The PIC determined from the display on the system screen in the cockpit that battery 1 was still outputting 56 amps, although all the electrical consumers had already been switched off. This did not comply with his expectations."
"If we should vote next week on whether to begin producing cheese in a factory on the moon, I almost certainly would oppose it. On the other hand, if the government decided to institute the policy, it would be my objective to see that a Texas contractor builds this celestial cheese plant, that the milk comes from Texas cows, and that the Earth distribution center is located in Texas." -- Sen. Phil Gramm
Removing the sun would prevent time's ability to progress from night to day. There would be neither past nor future, only a dark and eternal now.
A good craftsman doesn't blame his tools, because he was using the right ones in the first place.
It is a poor craftsperson who blames their tools, because the good craftsperson has an extensive collection of high-end Japanese, German, and bespoke-small-company tools that they love and trust.
Plan on making everything 3 times. Once to figure out what you're actually building, one to screw up and then a 3rd one that's actually right.
Australia is wider than the moon.
It’s hard to discipline a man under Post Office Regulations for destroying the universe all in one go.
Luer Quality Meat Rocket
Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes.
"Oxidiser improves the burn efficiency of the hydrazine fuel"
"I generally tend to do outdoorsy stuff nearly exclusively in video games. Everyone keeps telling me it doesn't count though. :-("
Hacker standard time (HST) is a relative time zone occurring no less than three hours behind where the hacker actually lives.
"He was not instantly dead or smooshed like a watermelon. He did die eventually though... So yeh don't try it at home."
You are blocked from editing Wikipedia for 8 millennia, 1 century, 7 decades, 9 years, 15 hours, 13 minutes and 12 seconds.
"The people are at length awakening to the fact that walking matches, if they are not hippodromes in the worst sense of the word, are brutal exhibitions at best, and ought not to be tolerated in a civilised community." -- The New York Times, March 1881
"It's a bit like Kerbal Space Program but more communist and with a lot of toxic propellant and no actual funding"
Most globies do not realize this, but the belief in a ball shaped Earth is not science. It is as far from science as science gets. The globe myth is a religious belief disguised. Realize that and break free of this insane larp where you claim Australians live upside down in real life. Ridiculous.
Bad heuristics are always preferable to flexible configuration: people will send patches for bad heuristics, changes to config files just pile up on users' machines.
"How right you are. Which is why I developed this inhibitor chip to protect my higher brain function. It means I maintain control of these arms, instead of them controlling me." -- Dr. Otto Octavius
"A bazooka is not an accident, you delusional bitch!"
"Neurosurgeons scored significantly higher than rocket scientists in semantic problem solving, like defining rare words. Aerospace engineers, meanwhile, performed better than their rivals when it came to attention, and to mental manipulation tasks like rotating images of objects in one's head. When compared with public scores, however, rocket scientists didn't show significant differences in any domains."
"Immediately, blood just went *cheeooo!* and it spread, you know, and I was playing while it... blood still works, until it starts to dry - until it starts to dry. And the minute it - it just stops, and you stick to it, it becomes like glue, you know?"
The glass harmonica excessively stimulates the nerves, plunges the player into a nagging depression and hence into a dark and melancholy mood, that is an apt method for slow self-annihilation. If you are suffering from any nervous disorder you should not play it. If you are not yet ill you should not play it excessively.
"The idea is simple. Use an airship to float on the top of the airmosphere, then the craft slowly accelerates using electric/chemical hybrid rocket engines over days until it reaches orbital velocity."
"I felt that at about the third time running into the marching band I would shove the bomb into the tuba."
Mitochondria form the dispersed body of an intelligent conscious life-form which has been waiting throughout history and evolution for the right conditions when mitochondrial life can achieve its true potential and take over from eukaryotic life-forms.
NFTs.
"Those who are clever and industrious I appoint to the General Staff. Use can under certain circumstances be made of those who are stupid and lazy. The man who is clever and lazy qualifies for the highest leadership posts. He has the requisite nerves and the mental clarity for difficult decisions. But whoever is stupid and industrious must be got rid of, for he is too dangerous."
"Today, war is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."
"In emergencies, it is of course permissible to kill a few dozen innocent bystanders. In such a crowd as this, though, it is much better technique to kill only the one you are aiming at."
"The LED driver; can you smell it?"
"Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war."
"This isn't discrimination. I'm just saying that when a majority is female, sometimes certain kinds of unsanctioned behaviour or something else occurs." -- Anatoly Perminov, Roscosmos
"I would like the last Guinea worm to die before I do." -- President Jimmy Carter
"I was like, man, this was made by some Soviet technician and maybe they tightened the bolt right, or maybe they didn't. Not a lot of redundancy. It was like, 'This is crazy. I've got kids. I have to stop doing this.'" -- Elon Musk
"Oh, it's a garlic. I thought it was a weird onion." -- Colin Furze
"I give it a 50/50 chance that this is the cephalopod population's last straw and they just jail break and begin their psychic take over of humanity."
You should AT LEAST have a rough understanding of what you are doing, and be able to describe the expected result. If you don't know what to expect, then it's likely that you don't know what you are actually doing, so it might be better to refrain from doing it in the first place.
"It is traditional for the author to magnanimously accept the blame for whatever deficiencies remain. I don’t. Any errors, deficiencies, or problems in this book are somebody else’s fault, but I would appreciate knowing about them." -- Steven S. Skiena, The Algorithm Design Manual
"NASA could build a 40% more powerful SLS -- and spend half as much on its boosters -- by discarding Northrop Grumman's contribution and strapping a pair of SpaceX Falcon Heavies to the SLS core stage instead."
"The scene required five takes to complete, including one in which the last crocodile snapped at Kananga's heel, tearing his trousers and causing him a number of injuries. One required 193 stitches."
"When you put a hat in a blender, all the volatiles from the process of making the hat are released." -- Peter Beck
"The transmission line itself was far from uniform and ideal. Remember that this isn't a fab house with temperature controlled pressing machines with tons of automation. This is cheese."
"It's not food, it's a dielectric." -- electrokitty
<FLHerne> The foods you describe exist, but aren't sandwiches except to fools
"Slowly but surely my taste became the mainstream, as all the other people like younger me grew up and got good jobs."
The USAF stated that a test of its AGM-183A Air-launched Rapid Response Weapon hypersonic boost-glide vehicle, or ARRW, would lead to four top-shell snails and up to 90 giant clams being killed.
He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
Tuomas Katainen blew up his 2013 Tesla Model S with 66lbs of dynamite after its battery failed.
"Lab studies have shown that surgical masks, such as N95’s, block around 95 per cent of aerosol-sized particles."
Corrosion of public lighting poles due to dog urine has become a major problem in many modern cities, where the number of these animals has been growing progressively over the years.
"Headline: ‘Half of colds will be Covid'. Why not put it the other way round: 'Half of suspected Covid cases will be colds'? Ah, I see: too positive and reassuring by far."
"The aircraft collided with a bridge, shearing off both wings, after a double engine failure occurred during takeoff. The water-injection system to cool the engines during takeoff was inadvertently filled with kerosene instead of water."
"A passenger brought aboard a crocodile hidden in a sports bag. The crocodile escaped, causing a panic among passengers who all rushed to one end of the plane. This caused an imbalance in the aircraft which led to loss of control and a crash."
In 2009 when giving a TED talk on malaria, Bill Gates released a jar full of mosquitoes on the crowd because "there's no reason only poor people should have the experience".
"They made a movie about the engineer who designed this, it was called 'Falling Down'."
"Social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it." -- Mike Tyson
<flayer> i don't know. like most things that i eat i don't know how it comes into existence
"It took nearly 10 minutes for the quizmaster to restore order. Also this was a quiz where you had to write the answers on a piece of paper and hand them in at the end of the round so there was no need for him to shout the answer at all."
"The existence of a Greek term makes it seem that other people have had this happen, which is terrifying."
"Plug in a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet, then touch a penny to the exposed prongs." -- Amazon Alexa
"Julian called to make sure I didn’t chicken out, which seemed a sensible idea after I woke up and realized that I had never taken my clothes off in public—and certainly not in a museum at 9 am to play chess."
<raptop> Maybe they were actually several thousand spiders in a trenchcoat, and so not 100% up on language?
We were taught as kids to not get in strangers' cars or meet strangers from the internet, and now we literally summon strangers from the internet and get in their cars.
"The look of sheer 'Please for the love of god take this box and its 30 warning labels away from me' on the delivery driver's face at 6 am the next morning was glorious."
<thomastheo> i wonder how many calories are in a horse, and how quickly we could make one burn
"He described the journey as non-eventful, saying if the bomb hadn't gone off he wouldn't have remembered anything about the journey."
"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was only gathering dust."
"Originally it was £10 per mattress, but he gave me one for half price because it was more stained than he thought it was."
"Is that jet of flame SUPPOSED to be happening?"
"It was to impress the young ladies behind. Don't see how being outfought by an inanimate object would impress them, but that was clearly the intent."
"A total of 874 cars have been set alight during New Year's Eve celebrations in France, police say. However, the interior ministry said the number was much lower than in 2019."
"The whole effect of the English mind is directed to finding some difficulty, defect or improbability in it. If you speak to him of a machine for peeling potatoes, he will pronounce it impossible. If you peel potatoes with it before his eyes, he will declare it useless because it cannot slice pineapples." -- Charles Babbage
"Based on all the things I've read in the thread, I wouldn't be surprised if zero gravity is also somehow bad for horses and they just spontaneously explode."
"Guinea pigs: my one WHEEEKness."
In the Netherlands there is an annual concrete canoe race.
People think you access heaven via a stairway. In reality, you access it via a 49 degree wooden ramp.
VR is just earphones for your eyes
"I'm sorry - are you from the future? ... Well, that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?"
"When I asked him what exactly he had done to treat it he told me that first he stuck some minced garlic, then he poured alcohol into it and then he shoved a cigarette..."
We can’t destroy the beauty of nature just because some people are too stupid for their own good.
Volkswagen currywurst is a brand of sausage manufactured by the Volkswagen car maker since 1973. The sausage is branded as a "Volkswagen Original Part" and has been given the part number 199 398 500 A. It is Volkswagen's most-produced single component.
"Not to oversimplify: First you have to flatten the rock and put lightning inside it."
There is no good order except that which we create. There is no hope but us. There is no mercy but us. There is no justice. There is just us.
Neil Armstrong’s name spelled backwards is "Gnorts, Mr. Alien".
The Railroad Commission of Texas no longer has any jurisdiction or authority over railroads in Texas.
"A pilot is marooned on an alien planet and soon discovers the planet is inhabited by predatory machines. The nightmarish dystopian hellscape turns out to be a fairly accurate representation of modern-day Birmingham."
I'll tell you how to recognize the real experts: They aren't the people lauding their own glory. They are the ones sitting in the corner helping others.
Characters needing to go somewhere really fast head off in their vehicle. At some point they realise they're not going to make it in time, so they open the throttle all the way and go even faster. The question of course being why weren't they going as fast as they possibly could already?
<jan> the creatine content in that photoshopped supplement is too low
<jsutton> I'm now imagining you surrounded by all of the frogs in the world that have suddenly been teleported to your location.
The Kamov Ka-50 was the first helicopter to be factory-equipped with explosive charges to detach its rotor blades in flight.
<sasamj> how about you add synchronization gear for ejection seats so you shoot the dude through the rotors
Congratulations on still being alive. Keep that up please.
Otto von Bismarck was reported to have challenged Rudolf Virchow to a duel. Virchow, being entitled to choose the weapons, chose two pork sausages, one infected with the roundworm Trichinella; the two would each choose and eat a sausage.
A company that sells cheap goods marked 'Fair Trade' while reducing their supply chain to slavery will be very successful. It will be most successful if none of its employees or shareholders grasp the reason for its profitability.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
"It is the puritanical nonsense of excluding children—and therefore, to some extent, women—from pubs that has turned these places into mere boozing-shops instead of the family gathering-places that they ought to be." -- George Orwell
"Once you know what the Cyrillic characters stand for, actually then reading Russian becomes a lot easier" - Elon Musk
Avoid red traffic lights by driving at 114,004,827 mph. The velocity will blue-shift them enough to appear green.
"Most normal objects will became very fragile at those temperatures and shatter with applied force. Duct tape does not."
"I said, 'We can’t give you a human heart; you don’t qualify. But maybe we can use one from an animal, a pig. It’s never been done before, but we think we can do it.'" -- Dr Bartley Griffith
A wheat grain is a genetically modified grass seed, just as a pekinese is a genetically modified wolf. Playing God? We’ve been playing God for centuries!
The physical building in which the outbreak occurred was demolished on 30 May 1995 and a daycare center was constructed in its place.
In recent years, the US birth rate has increased dramatically to over 0.5 Miles/hour.
"I should mention that our last successful backup was 13 days ago... this ins not good :(  especially given that I think we prune backups after 7 days"
TL;DR: You are a fashionable, gun-loving liberal ex-military-mechanic MD/JD/CPA with a realtor license living in Maryland. You have owned Tesla shares from 2010. You have 20 rolex watches and 2 recreational planes.
"QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 9999999999 Beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv. The first customer walks into the bar and asks to use the bathroom. The bar explodes, killing everyone inside."
"The Supreme Court held, restoring Gnango's conviction for the murder of Magda Pniewska, that he was guilty of murder notwithstanding the fact that he had not fired the shot which killed Pniewska during the shoot out which led to her death, and that the fatal shot had been fired by his opponent in an attempt to kill him."
In 1712, only Sweden had a 30th of February.
Isnt everything in earth 4 billion years old? Then why is the age of things so important?
<electrokitty> It completely startled me because I had no idea what had just randomly exploded, then I found half of the battery
<thomastheo> our recycling center has a penchant for burning down every so often, im not convinced they're any better at handling batteries than i am
<bees> thankfully we did not realize the shrapnel potential of a beer can with a firework at that time
<electrokitty> Sure, but there's not much worse than if your entire house catches fire *and* sinks
"Early the next morning the medic showed before the Captain arrived and gave us an OJT (in whispered tones) on the proper technique for mixing Phenolpthalein with coffee."
"I read them again as an adult and realised that they are actually really terrible."
"This kicked off the weirdest and most interesting career conversation I’ve had to date. At first, I didn’t believe him. The job he was describing doesn’t exist. No one gets that offer."
"Disappointed they used this angle for the photoshoot and not a super wide fisheye closeup of his forehead."
"There's a distinction here between, um, which I think you respect, and I think your listeners will understand, between the principle here, and not getting into applying it to any of the facts that are swirling around." -- Dominic Raab
Freud's opinions made people so upset that the entire field of psychology was developed just to prove him wrong.
If you took tiger genes and put them into a giraffe cell, the cell is now being told to make a tiger and make a giraffe simultaneously. It can't do both, so it's likely to just die instead.
"He'd actually been to Scotland, too. He crossed the Forth bridge and assumed it connected the islands of England and Scotland. When asked to point at Scotland on a map he pointed at Orkney."
"The first thing you do when taking apart these batteries is to remove the pyro fuse. It breaks the circuit, so if you accidentally touch this thing over here and then that thing over there you won't explode."
"Sometimes when I see a really complicated product I think about how thankful I am that I was never required to go to DFMEA meetings about that product."
"A bit of oil drained out, along with glitter! There's glitter in my engine!"
How do you ruin someone creatively? Give them everything they could possibly want.
"Ah, look, so cute, its got its mother's lidar and its father's spinning blades of death."
"After checking Civil Aviation Authority regulations, and the MTOW of their machines, the rescuers calculated they could attach a single sausage to a drone."
"Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?"
"Well, the TCO of a cat is like $1,000/year, so we're saving money."
Pull yourself together. You can't ignore people just because they're people.
The United States doesn’t have a federal law banning cannibalism. Idaho is the only state in which the simple act of eating human flesh can land you in prison. Laws against murder, buying and selling human meat, and corpse desecration make cannibalism difficult, but technically legal in the other 49 states.
"We asked the 38-year-old why he decided to feed himself to his friends, what he tasted like, and how the experience changed him."
It's rare someone able to consent to being eaten meets someone interested in eating them, but even that scenario raises a ton of ethical questions.
<jan> I've had one smd cap explode and almost hit me in the eye. Would not recommend.
""I snagged my shoelace, missed a step and crash, bang, wallop and there was a million pieces of high quality Qing ceramics lying around underneath me."
<FLHerne> although the boat's only sunk twice, or possibly three times
"Despite the piece of equipment being stamped with the words ‘NAVAL ELECTRONIC SYSTEMS COMMAND. Mfd by Spears Associates Inc., Norwood, Mass’ the US Navy initially denied that any of their submarines were operating in the area."
"As a kid born in the 2000s, this song really takes me back to when I wasn't alive."
"I have a theory that this kind of person is just an asshole, and the alcohol just removes the thin layer of civility that stops them from doing this every day."
"Why are you using math when it is a biology problem? You are not even making sense."
<Plazma> you ever get like gynocological help for your head?
The paint of an aircraft is like its "skin" that not only withstands weather inclemencies, but acts as a balloon when it comes to pressurizing the fuselage itself at high altitudes.
"But at the root of all Warhammer design is a lovely British quirky naffness that informs everything else. Skulls hanging off of everything. That naff black metal feel the 40K stuff has. It's the spirit of the teenage long-hair outcast in fine resin form. I wouldn't have it any other way."
"I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla." -- Bertrand Russell
You ever just wanna sit and stare at a wall for, like, three hours?
Humans are objectively the ugliest mammals. All mammals have beautiful fuzzy and patterned fur. Humans? Disgusting fleshy skin blobs.
Wild cows are hard to find, however are wildly unpredictable. You never know what a wild cow's defenses are. They may spit blood, or even venemous toxins into your eyes in order to disable you. Once disabled, they may try to eat your internal organs.
<thomastheo> if a nuke really goes off anywhere even in the general vicinity of where i am it would probably kill my gamma spectrometer and that would make me very upset.
Kantanka is alleged to have manufactured military hardware such as armored personnel carriers, tanks, and helicopters. However these devices appear to use fireworks as their primary weapons system.
Rimpy's Fags, Foods and Non-Foods. It sold fags, they were fags. It sold foods, they were foods. And it sold non-foods, which was everything in existence, that wasn't a fag or a food
A Web page is now like V'Ger from the first Star Trek movie, a piece of technology that we once understood but can no longer fathom, a thrashing leviathan of code and markup written by people so untrustworthy that they're not even third parties.
"I know what I'm doing, when I sit down I can log in and everything works, but I can't log in when I stand up."
"A reporting package of ours was crashing sporadically on certain days... Wednesdays in September only after the 9th."
"On Wednesdays, and only on Wednesdays, if somebody manually twiddled certain bits in the monitor settings in a certain way, two events would occur during the same millisecond and cause the DB to throw an exception, and the error message that logged this would be exactly 81 bytes long including the null terminator, overflowing the 80-char buffer and causing the program to crash."
Imagine if people knocked on your door to talk about science instead of religion. "Hi, we'd just like a quick chat about the possibility of life in the atmosphere of Venus, and thought you might be interested in hearing about phosphine"?
"This is after you’ve run 13miles with endless elevation gain, and done so many other hard obstacles. You’re just sapped, the ramp is so slippery it almost feels futile. You run and try to grab on only to slide right back down, it uses every last ounce of your strength. Right after this section you get electrocuted for the second time in the race. "
Anyone here know what a spleen is supposed to do?
"The graphics used in the meme are, in order from left to right, the absolute value of the complex Gamma function, a mesh plot of |arctan(z^(-5))|, a compound of five cubes, and the Riemann surface for the function f(z) = √z."
Supernatural creatures are best avoided. If they can’t be avoided, they should be addressed respectfully. If a supernatural creature sets you a task you’re well and truly screwed.
"The basis of the strength of the fleet is in battleships and no scientific development is in sight which might render them obsolete." -- First Sea Lord Admiral Andrew Cunningham, May 1944
Brussels sprouts, collard greens, broccoli, cauliflower, kale, cabbage, kohlrabi, and a few more are all derived from the wild mustard plant.
"If you know nothing about how to cook an egg in a pan, I have endeavoured to make a video for you and this is it. First thing you'll need is a pan."
"Nothing remains static in war or military weapons, and it is consequently often dangerous to rely on courses suggested by apparent similarities in the past." -- Ernest King
"I have also heard some concerns about the lead at the very bottom melting first and expanding and having nowhere to go and the whole thing exploding, so hopefully that doesn't happen either."
"Luckily, I already found out that lead cuts pretty easily with a chainsaw."
"Now that the big automotive advertisers are making EVs, you will see far fewer articles about EVs catching on fire. It is not surprising that internal combustion engine cars have a tendency to combust externally too." -- Elon Musk
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." -- Hemingway
<FLHerne> frankly this thing looks more like a torture device for frogs
"The core would indeed go critical and explode, with a force equivalent to about 2 kilograms (4.4 lb) of high explosive, which would likely be negligible compared to the damage caused by an exploding booster. Disturbingly, this was much lower than the 11 kilograms (25 lb) that was predicted."
"Normally the control drums rotated at a maximum speed of 45° per second to the fully open position at 180°. This was too slow for the devastating explosion sought, so for Kiwi-TNT they were modified to rotate at 4,000° per second."
"The drums were rotated to the maximum setting at 4,000° per second and the heat vaporized some of the graphite, resulting in a colorful explosion that sent fuel elements flying through the air, followed by a highly radioactive cloud with radioactivity estimated at 1.6 megacuries."
"Prawo Jazdy" was a supposed Polish national who was listed by the Garda Síochána in a police criminal database as having committed more than 50 traffic violations in Ireland.
Frank Hayes is the only jockey ever to have won a race while dead.
38-year-old Bradford Weitzel, of Port St. Lucie, said that he couldn't find his car after leaving a bar in the early morning, so he stole one in a good faith effort to locate his own. That car was launched into a house by a train, after which he vandalised a fruit stall and stole a forklift.
Nottingham has pubs which claim to be the oldest pub in the world, the oldest pub in Europe and the oldest pub in the UK, and they're not even the same pub.
"The problem with aviation is that for 50 years it’s been populated by people who think it’s this wondrous sexual experience; that it’s like James Bond and wonderful and we’ll all be flying first class when really it’s just a bloody bus with wings." -- Michael O'Leary
Not nearly enough people understand that a sustained power outage means they functionally have no money.
"that thing has a huge radius of squishing" - deadmind
<electrokitty> Dutch is just English with more vowels
"When embarking on an endeavor, success should be at least one of the possible outcomes." -- Elon Musk
<orbbfrggg> I have a stupid 3D printer so I literally have endogenous junk creation too. My house can now fill with junk from the *inside*.
'The only remaining issue that we're aware of is melting the chamber. Um, so that thing really wants to melt, yeah.' -Elon Musk
The colour orange is named after the fruit.
Why sell them what they need when you can sell them a synergistic partnership alliance?
"As an actor by training, I've learned the best way to get better at nearly anything is to fail over and over, publicly and with great style."
"Pound notes were the funniest one; they'd catch fire, because the metal strip inside was just about the wavelength of the magnetron." -- James Lovelock
<FLHerne> Turns out IRC people have welders, sheet metal and a lack of respect for environmental regulations forbidding storage tanks on one's land
In September 2010 Scott Manley had the 66th most popular YouTube channel, with more than 200 subscribers.
"I went to the post office and got offered life insurance, so it's obviously a friendly location."
Selecting handwritten typefaces for marketing material is a careful balance between “six year-old with a crayon” and “channelling a serial killer’s ransom note”. -- echo
"WHAT?! The cucumber is scratching the knife. There's no way."
Never say of anything, "I have lost it"; but, "I have returned it." Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned.
"The most hilarious part about this video is that every single official/officer wants nothing more than to see it go on the water but, as a professional, is duty bound to find a way to stop it."
<ZLSA> sometimes I think Shuttle was engineered specifically to fuck with everyone trying to categorize it
<raptop> Ozone smells like a lethal radiation dose feels.
"My girlfriend was working in another room and told me she had heard something, and asked if a window had smashed. I said: 'No, the house has just been destroyed'."
If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
The Vegetable Lamb of Tartary (Latin: Agnus scythicus or Planta Tartarica Barometz) is a legendary zoophyte of Central Asia, once believed to grow sheep as its fruit.
"This is footage of an improvisation played on instruments that are made out of paper and are on fire." -- Vi Hart
"I understand you strongly feel the other party should be held at fault, however we can't instigate legal action against a kangaroo so your excess remains payable."
"Since the rapid exponential improvement could put 100 GHz personal computers in every home and 20 GHz devices in every pocket, some commentators have speculated that sooner or later computers will meet or exceed any conceivable need for computation."
< FLHerne> important note, the catching fire was a direct result of 'fixing' the sinking problem
"Look Tony, what are the odds of a prime minister being drowned or taken by a shark?" - Harold Holt
"they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" -- alleged last words of John Sedgewick
But you are high on RedBull and have to pee so bad for obvious reasons that you want to get back down to Earth FASTER than Mach 0.60.
"I think I would rather have them spill a bunch of kerosene near me, rather than water at that temperature, because that will strip the flesh off your bones in seconds." -- Scott Manley
Water lines were cut first. Then, sodium lines were cut with hack saws and immediately sealed with several layers of masking tape. The sodium pump was cleaned and the impeller was removed for examination. When the sodium pump and heat exchanger were removed, the radiation field in the room increased to 600 mrem/hr.
King Kalākaua of Hawai'i was the first reigning monarch to circumnavigate the world.
"In order to spite their Russian grandmother, ESA decided to freeze off their own ears." -- Dmitry Rogozin
A tank on the moon could theoretically shoot itself in the back of the turret.
<rory096> probably kill a bunch of people in home fires, but a small price to pay
"If you were within 100 yards of a Shuttle launch, the heat and blast would kill you.  If you were within 400 yards, the sound pressure levels would kill you.  And if you were within a mile, the gators would kill you--those low-frequency vibrations really rile them up." -- Charlie Bolden
<jan> electrokitty, did you find a food-grade source?  <electrokitty> No, but it's 99.9% pure and I'm hoping the 0.1% isn't cyanide or something
Attention, stop firing at the nuclear facility
A disadvantage highlighted during combat in Chechnya was the vulnerability of the T-80BV to catastrophic explosion
Olha Koba, a psychologist in Kyiv, said "anger and hate in this situation is a normal reaction and important to validate." But it is important to channel it into something useful, she said, such as making incendiary bombs out of empty bottles.
Anger and hate in this situation is a normal reaction and important to validate. But it is important to channel it into something useful, such as making incendiary bombs out of empty bottles.
"Damn. I Hope being turned into a lump of charcoal wasn't as painful as it seems. Poor guy."
"There is no need to be afraid. The Russian army is not strong, it is just long. We will eat them slowly, like a salami."
"Oh relax. It's only illegal for boring reasons."
<FLHerne> Ironically, I have backups of the bloody colloids but not my email history, because of a stupid scripting bug
<FLHerne> Well, I have backups of my email history up to June 2018, which is when I improved my backup scripting
Dracula was written in 1897. Due to the year it takes place, Count Dracula could’ve theoretically worn Levi’s jeans, consumed Coca-Cola, and owned a Nintendo product.
"It started from the butchering of primates in Africa. HIV is a bloodborne virus. Has someone ever fucked a monkey anyway? Probably."
"A country that has a chicken on its state emblem can never defeat the one which has a fork." -- Vitaly Kim, Governor of Mykolayiv
"I'm perfectly whelmed and poplectic. How about you?"
"You know? Po-tay-toes? Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, block a ship’s deck drain causing a free surface effect introducing instability and a capsizing effect?"
<FLHerne> It turns out my stepmother really doesn't like it when you're holding a frog not quite securely enough and it leaps across the room || <FLHerne> "BLAAAAAGH"
<FLHerne> Success! My cabin is full of exhaust fumes!
Potassium iodide has a painfully bad taste, so bad that a single crystal or 1 drop of the saturated solution in a small child's mouth would make him cry
The Rutan Boomerang, quite unusually for an aircraft, has its centre of mass on the outside.
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past, wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future, and common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW.
The bony-eared assfish may have the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio of all vertebrates.
"Three soldiers at the base were arrested and charged with smoking while handling live ammunition"
"Is coal hotter than flame? No, considering that everything else is equal, coal has the same potential heat as the beginning of a tree, but due to lack of oxygen and surface area, they produce less heat."
The moment astronauts drive the road to space, they realize they are about to have an experience like no other. @blueorigin
"Sirocco's preference for head-mating and resistance to massage techniques has made it difficult to collect his semen. Scientists who work with him designed an "ejaculation helmet" for volunteers to wear while he attempted to mate with their heads. The dimpled, rubber headgear was ineffective due to the duration of the kākāpō's mating period and was later donated to the Te Papa museum
<ldgoforlaunch> imagine waking up in the morning to go to your job to get ejaculated on by a parrot
"The dimpled, rubber headgear was ineffective due to the duration of the kākāpō's mating period."
"Once uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, and we fried it and ate it. And then we all vomited."
A swarm of crazy ants can asphyxiate a chicken, and swarms have been known to attack larger animals, like cattle.
The RSPCA has guidelines[37] for the humane culling of cane toads. Inhumane ways include spraying with Dettol, phenyl, and using a large hammer with a flat, metal head to bludgeon them to death.
"Liga.net found the woman who knocked down a Russian drone with a jar of pickled tomatoes. She wants to set the record straight: those were NOT pickled cucumbers."
Russia's Ministry of Foreign Affairs tweeted: "It is of particular worry that all the bodies of the people whose images have been published by the Kiev regime are not stiffened after at least four days."
"Interstellar travel is like trying to hit a grape on the surface of the Moon."
However the phrasing - "za detei" in Russian - suggests it was fired in support of children, rather than aimed at children.
< orbbfrggg> Are you that dependent on meat subs? || < electrokitty> Unfortunately, yes
Quorn fungus can double its mass every five hours.
Envelopes sent by Royal Mail must have minimum dimensions of 154x110x0.25mm, be at least 70 gsm, have a reflectivity of at least 35% at 600nm wavelength, have a water absorbency of 15-35 gsm over one minute, and a porosity greater than 400ml/minute
Puppy pregnancy syndrome (PPS) is a psychosomatic illness in humans brought on by mass hysteria. People suffering from PPS believe that shortly after being bitten by a dog, puppies are conceived within their abdomen. It is believed that the victims will eventually die – especially men, who will give birth to their puppies through the penis.
"The do-not-attain speed is 99.99999999999999999998% of the speed of light, at which point your interactions with the cosmic background radiation are blue-shifted to the proton-degeneration resonance energy. This will erode your spacecraft and you to something rather unrecognizable over a distance of 160 million light years. This limit is known as the Greisen-Zatsepin-Kuzmin limit."
"10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 3... 4... 2... 1... <fwoosh>" -- Pythom Space
"Having a kill switch on a horse would be cruel."
"Lt. Bletz continued to suspect that Todd was responsible for the crime spree. The theory was that Todd decided to frame himself in order to clear his name."
"A limerick: (12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4) / 7 + (5 × 11) = 9² + 0"
"<FLHerne> sasamj: I can tell you from experience, being dangled upside-down with your head in a bucket of vinegar while screaming is also a bad approach"
SCREENTIME. A Meme-Obsessed super teen whose brain became connected to the internet after becoming exposed to his grandfather's “experimental internet gas.” Now he can see augmented reality and real-time maps, and can instantly Google any fact.
<raptop> ...JWST's on-board memory is an L2 cache
"...JWST's on-board memory is an L2 cache" - raptop
"CDC recolored their maps: rather than showing your risk of illness, they now say that you're ok as long as there is still freezer truck morgue capacity available in your area." - jwz
"The knowledge base is David Faure himself. What I’m not sure is if the plugin sends your questions to him over IRC, or it just includes a copy of his brain. I’d hope the latter, but if not, afiestas should look at that possibility for version 2.0."
"Look how much we've 'progressed' in the last hundred years... Science has caused the death of millions, and soon we will all be dead."
"Blessed is the one who grabs your babies and smashes them against a rock."
"Everything about this product screams 'sketchy', from the obviously fake certification label to the spelling errors all over the warnings... I mean, or 'warnungs', as I should call them."
Music was invented around 2,953 BC by the Emperor Fu Xi.
"'Punk rock' has become almost a battle cry in British society. To many people it's a bigger threat than Russian communism or hyperinflation. And it certainly generates more ...popular excitement than either of those."
The F1 team Andrea Moda competed for the first 12 races of 1992. Their best result before being expelled was a DNF after 11 laps at Monaco.
<orbbfrgg> When you see that you can get frogs smaller than like, a baby's fingernail || It's like how do they even bones || How can something that small effectively frog
(electrokitty) So I couldn't read the thermometer and then my jam was contaminated with tiny plastic numbers
<electrokitty> I kinda forget frogs have bones
"This is like stealing a nuke so you can shrink it into the size of a bullet, stuff it into a Glock and shoot a guy in the head with it."
"'I thought it was a duck while it swam at me', says Alice Winge-Holmström, who was out walking her dog Frans. When the 'duck' got closer, exited the water and turned out to be a wolf they both hurried away from there."
Ciabatta was invented in 1982 by Arnaldo Cavallari.
"In Britain we have the highest per-capita ownership of convertible cars in Europe. That is preposterous optimism, right there."
"While I accept your humiliation as part of the proceedings, there has been no humility." -- Judge Deborah Taylor
<sasamj> im like 5'5.5 but i round down cause im not self conscious about my height, only about my 2 inch penis
"There are no mistakes in machining, only unscheduled Art Deco details."
<jan> the website only works during business hours
<electrokitty> Worst was probably that time when they accidentally filled the signalling control room with concrete
A large cheese pizza might be three times more radioactive than a banana.
"Man who received landmark pig heart transplant died of pig virus, surgeon says."
All the "e"s in "Mercedes" sound different.
"There were two things wrong with the culture in HMS Endurance – 'this is the way we’ve always done it' and alcohol consumption." -- Cmdr Tom Sharpe, CO, HMS Endurance
"<SilverFox> the motherfuckers started making smoke detectors out of photodiodes now. now how am i supposed to get my radioactive material"
"FBI spokesman Mark White admired Sneed’s handiwork, saying "if he had kept his experiment going, it probably wouldn't have blown up.""
Alpha-gal allergy is a tick-borne disease which causes allergies to red meat.
"WEDNESBURY OLD CANAL (RIDGEACRE BRANCH): Navigation is now difficult or impossible because of weeds. C&RT have asked boaters not to try, because of the fish deaths."
"The crew could not figure a way to switch it off so the siren stayed on throughout the remaining 75 minutes of the flight. Eventually, the captain ordered the navigator to borrow a pillow from the passengers and stuff it inside the siren's horn."
"...which is fantastic only in the sense of extreme improbability."
<flayer> neoliberals brought pensions into play to stop communism from spreading || it's a huge scam
"Regarding the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, Norman said: "Look, we've all made mistakes and you just want to learn from those mistakes and how you can correct them going forward.""
The LD50 of white phosphorus in swans is about 3.65mg per kg of body weight.
"If the water / phosphorous mix was wrong and you bumped the boats in the locks or brushed against a bridge the sludge would catch fire giving off blue flames."
"The company has been the subject of controversy regarding the existence of its product."
Most airlines around the world have also recently tightened policies on "emotional support animals" flying after a series of incidents involving passengers demanding that creatures like peacocks, ferrets, horses, ducks and snakes be allowed to accompany them.
<thomastheo> sasamj: i have some experience with fuming hno3, and i'd say it burning your face off is your least concern. although it would instantly blind you, and turn the outer layer of your skin into an orange nitrated-keratin mask, you'd likely die of inhaling the fumes
"Like for instance when you get into a bath quickly and it's just the right temperature, and you go "oaaaaah". I mean, no-one really gets any happier than that."
Anyone with a dog is allowed to talk to anyone else with a dog. It's like a secret loophole for allowing the English to talk to strangers.
The RSPCA has guidelines for the humane culling of cane toads. Inhumane ways include spraying with Dettol, phenyl, and using a large hammer with a flat, metal head to bludgeon them to death
"When given at maximum level of food intake, hydrolapachol had killed 30% of the mice tested but still was rated safe enough for human consumption."
It's very easy to get misled by pure caffeine powder because of its potency. Even a teaspoon or two of the pure stuff amounts to several grams, and just a few years ago there was a report of a fatality resulting from an undergraduate stirring a few teaspoons into his coffee.
"The aerosol manufacturer was calculating how much propellant to put into the cans and plugged the ºC temperature instead of absolute temperature into the ideal gas equation...when the cans started exploding on the assembly line they realized that there might have been a mistake."
"Now, let's make a bet whether the atmosphere will be set on fire by this test." -- Enrico Fermi, July 16, 1945
"In an additional unexpected event, albeit one of far less consequence, X-rays traveling through line-of-sight (LOS) pipes caused a small second fireball at Station 1200 with a yield of 1 kiloton of TNT (4.2 TJ)."
<sasamj> How about spinlaunch but you use it as a gun
Yᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴛʀᴜᴇ. Hᴏᴡ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ?
"Tʜᴇ Sᴜɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʀɪsᴇɴ. A ᴍᴇʀᴇ ʙᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ғʟᴀᴍɪɴɢ ɢᴀs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɪʟʟᴜᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ."
Sid Vicious (the wrestler) took his stage name from Sid Vicious (Sex Pistols) who was given his nickname after being bitten by a hamster named after Syd Barrett (Pink Floyd) who took his name from Sid Barrett (jazz musician)
< Shoe15> GUYS I JUST MADE A BIBRATOR | < Shoe15> https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/CRXnuVoo/video.MP4
"I almost said: I am not going to date someone eight years younger than me - that is *weird*." -- Gwynne Shotwell
"File disk.img is large (7 EiB), really open? (y)es or (n)o" -- https://rwmj.wordpress.com/2020/11/04/ridiculously-big-files/
Frogge Hall in Ickleton, Cambridgeshire, "owes its name to the damp conditions before modern drainage denied the wet-loving frogs their favoured environment".
Government minister Heather Wheeler has apologised after describing Birmingham and Blackpool as "godawful" places.
<electrokitty> Never can have enough vintage soviet rubber toy frogs
Think about it... Whether it's fear or something else, what in your life is holding you back from eating live rats off the streets?
A battery has three components: the cathode (the copper plate), the anode (the zinc plate) and the electrolyte (the potato you stick the aforementioned plates in in order to power GLaDOS).
while (x --> 0) // x goes to 0
<orbbfrggg> Reading that article was like being inside the pineal gland of a zoomer. All it needed was Roblox, crypto and sexual exploitation.
"Imagine you get appointed to your dad's job but only get that job because people despised him so much that they literally turned him into a chair. And then made you sit in your dad."
Frogs evolved the ability to jump before they evolved the ability to land, meaning not all frogs have mastered the second part of the process.
"The frogs were preserved in a "standard froggy position, fairly rigid and not super floppy.""
Just because you are bad at something does not mean you should not do it, especially if you have a secret bony backpack and toxic poison glands.
<FLHerne> the above line was going to be something else but then my broccoli exploded while I was typing
Boba Fett is an oddly overrated background character of no significance.
"Thank you. No-one's ever answered to two decimal places before."
"European fans of frogs, liverwurst and spaghetti love visiting Kiev. With zero use. Promised EU membership and old howitzers to Ukraine, lushed up on gorilka and went home by train, like 100 years ago. All is well. Yet, it won’t bring Ukraine closer to peace. The clock’s ticking" -- Dmitry Medvedev
Canada has shared a land border with Denmark since 2022.
Pistol duelling was an Olympic sport in 1908.
Production Tornado F.2s had concrete ballast in place of the Foxhunter radar, due to the development delays. This ballast became known as the "Blue Circle radar", a play on words from a British brand of cement by the same name, and the Rainbow Codes previously used for British radars.
Vanguard's launch history: blew up, disintegrated, orbited properly, failed to separate and crashed, missed trajectory and crashed, shut down and crashed, crashed twice (!), orbited properly, second stage fired while still connected to first stage and crashed, blew up and crashed, orbited properly
Smarter people have weirder hobbies.
"At this point I realized that I wanted to have a toasted bread in the video. But, because I had destroyed all my toasters in the research phase, I needed to toast the bread in a kettle."
<orbbfrggg> Come to think of it why don't I just get a normal snail out of the garden as a pet || <orbbfrggg> Who's gonna arrest me? The snail police?
"More details on what went down with the SpaceX letter. The writers say they got 404 signatures before the landing page of the letter was removed..."
The UK military denied any warning shots were fired and said the ship was in innocent passage in Ukraine's territorial sea, later clarifying that heavy guns were fired three miles astern and could not be considered to be warning shots.
A couple in Cornwall were unable to sell their home because there was a public right of way through their living room.
'orbbfrggg: jan anal obliteration risk be damned, I love this new chair.'
"I don't think the CGI is particularly reflective because there is no graffiti on any of this and it's quite clear that we are going to be building a massive canvas for graffiti artists to decorate."
"if observing outer space gives us a view of the past, observing inner space would surely give us a view of the future - would be interesting if NASA made a telescope for that"
"The sheer variety of cheese is amazing" -- Elon Musk
"The robot is not your kid, we've talked about this."
"It's a thermal plastic. So instead of, you know, cutting, it just melts and then catches on fire and it's a pretty bad time."
"No-one in the entire episode, human or alien, acts in any rational way; it's all just an excuse for cool action scenes and explosions."
<Gliptic> the one "Best For Wireless Charging" doesn't have wireless charging as far as I can tell
"07:42: The last of the reverts has been completed. This was delayed as network engineers walked over each other's changes, reverting the previous reverts, causing the problem to re-appear sporadically." -- Cloudflare outage post-mortem
"I think this will fix it instantly, and prod is already down, so what's the worst that'll happen? Prod can't go more down."
"I had issues with a VM cluster killing itself so my team decided to shut down the entire rack and restart it as we were at wits end. "What more could go wrong, the cluster is already dead." - That was a mistake. As the rack was shutting down, one of the two UPS's literally exploded."
<sborb> 3D modeling is my passion https://imgur.com/a/iWr5WSr || <electrokitty>  What the hell is that || <sborb> I don't know
The phrase "moon rocket" has the same energy as "squirty cream"
"The mites that have sex on our faces have a problem"
<ZLSA> it feels like "stealth" and "globemaster" don't belong together
"ZIP Twisted Firestarters | 100% Natural | Chemical Free | Fast & Powerful, Odourless, No Food Taint"
The difficulties in synthesizing and handling polynitrogen compounds are a direct consequence of their high endothermicities.
Stop selecting for low ethics in your hiring process.
"There - it was just maintainer shock. When a new maintainer takes over responsibility for the equipment, it knows - and it starts playing up. You just have to reassure it, smooth things over. Then it will come right, all on its own."
<Shoe>   TheKosmonaut: i’m confused || they’re mammals || i think || but like they’re still in water || so they're fish || mammal fish
<Shoe> i thought they were mammals because they had to reproduce using sperm
<electrokitty>   Are frogs fish when they're in water? || <Shoe>   electrokitty: no because they can’t swim
<Shoe>  they still need to breathe || <Shoe>   fish don’t breathe || <electrokitty>  And whales and dolphins don't? || <Shoe>  electrokitty: no they have gills
<orbbfrgg> Some days you just have to eat en entire tube of Pringles in one go
Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once.
Always double check to make sure what you intend to happen is happening.
< FLHerne> carrots make better wheels than cucumber because the axle hole doesn't just squelch
"The team spent six months producing the film's two-minute trailer, leaving just four months to finish the entire 110-minute film."
"While legislators had been accelerated to orbital velocity before, Glenn was both a Senator and a sixties space hero, making him an ideal public relations cargo."
"Close observation of the Senator suggested that there might not be any medical obstacles to launching the entire legislative branch into space, possibly the most encouraging scientific result of the mission."
"Watch as we unfold the mirror that’s second on paper but tied for first in our hearts. Let's show some ❤ for #NASAWebb's tertiary and fine steering mirrors too, which direct light from the secondary mirror to the science instruments! Together Webb's mirrors are a mighty light-reflecting super team that will help astronomers worldwide." -- NASA
In 2017, Wimbledon fans consumed 33 tons of strawberries.
<jan> eh, there's only so many rats you can infect with bacteria before you get bored
"Men were much more likely to identify fictional characters who are men, such as Mark Zuckerberg" -- Stack Overflow developer survey
"In essence, each 'pure science' Shuttle science mission consists of several dozen automated experiments alongside an enormous, irrelevant, repeated experiment in keeping a group of primates alive and healthy outside the atmosphere."
"A saltwater pool won’t have the same harsh effects of a traditional chlorine pool. For example, your hair is unlikely to turn green."
[a few days after IE was fully EOL'd] <umaxtu> uhm. rocketlab's site is telling me I should download internet explorer 11
The best thing about being an engineer is if there's a thing that doesn't exist, and you want it to exist, you can just make it exist.
Very few good musical instruments are vegan
"This has a p-value of 0.13 and is therefore not statistically significant, but it is still trending in the right direction."
Have you ever seen someone use a parachute? Do they continue to accelerate until they hit the ground at light speed? If not, why not?
"Prince of Wales will not accept suitcases of cash in future, royal source says"
<sasamj> If new Shepard fired it's abortion system at MECO I wonder how high it would go and how angry the pope would be
"Drummond and Cauty had planned to throw buckets of blood over the audience, or to disembowel a dead sheep on stage, but were prevented from doing so due to opposition from BBC lawyers and vegetarians"
Texas has a law prohibiting the sale and ownership of 6 or more sex toys. You can own as many guns as you like.
<jan> yeah i wasn't expecting a guide on how to explode the spiders by boiling their internal fluids while they're still alive
It has to be said that the main reason I have bothered to publish this circuit at all is that it means I can post a diagram of a circuit with a !SPUNK_ENABLE line in it.
"We love clean, beautiful West Virginia coal. We love it. And you know that’s indestructible stuff. In times of war, in times of conflict, you can blow up those windmills. They fall down real quick. You can blow up those pipelines. They go like this and you’re not going to fix them too fast. You can do a lot of things to those solar panels. But you know what you can’t hurt? Coal."
"We’ve ended the war on beautiful, clean coal, and it’s just been announced that a second, brand-new coal mine, where they’re going to take out clean coal — meaning, they’re taking out coal. They’re going to clean it — is opening in the state of Pennsylvania, the second one."
In England we get a lot of bollocks promulgated in popular walking areas like the Lake District about how terribly dangerous it can be and how you will probably die if you don't lug about the weight of enough expensive specialised equipment to cross fucking Siberia whenever you get out of your car.
> I was taking my class through some of the particulars of evolution ("how human beings were raised from monkeys" as one of my students phrased it). We were discussing Charles Darwin and The Origin of Species when one of my students asked me how Darwin's research ship ever got the name "H.M.S. Beagle".
"I have friends that had a tiny kitten eaten by their dalmation outta nowhere."
""Captain dur-dur-DUR-dur-dur", that's what you need, not "Captain dur-dur-dffff.""
"It turns out a really good cure for being drunk is when you're on a plane and then an engine explodes and you think you're gonna die."
<thomastheo> this man drank colloidal silver as a quack cure/tonic and went blue
"Jones' purposeful consumption of silver, which he believed to be an antibiotic, was a measure he undertook in response to his fears that the Y2K problem would make antibiotics unavailable, an event that did not occur."
<thomastheo> it is kind of like a tattoo, but from the inside out. quite a thorough way to go about it
<electrokitty> I wonder if there's some commonly-ingested thing which dyes your internal organs, but no one notices because we don't regularly look at them
"I've just had a flashback, the unpleasant noise as you pull the earth pin out... [of your foot] It's too early for a drink :("
"Sock tech is so advanced that you can get pretty much anything in sock form these days!" -- Elon Musk
"So I told my boss, well, I was going, and if I had a job when I came back that was fine and if I didn't have a job that was equally fine. And when I came back I didn't have a job."
"Another idea to replace Confederate statues: A bronze or stone piece of three stacked capybara of diminishing size."
"The original film, the door - if there had been a door - it would have been closed with a pulley and a stagehand just closing it like that. But now we had *lots* of money, and technology, and so they built a fucking great hydraulic door which closes at light speed." -- Harrison Ford
"Marshall said the door was “capable of killing one or possibly two people”."
<electrokitty> American food seems like it's from a weird alternate dimension country where it was created only through vague descriptions of the thing by someone with no tastebuds
<nivag> Well I didn't read what you said as I typed & hit send
"I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Horse's Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me. Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled."
<orbbfrgg> If biological systems are so efficient why don't we make our technology work like that || I could just give my phone a piece of bacon
"It took Wim Delvoye eight years of consultation with experts in fields ranging from plumbing to gastroenterology to construct the poo machine. When asked about his inspiration, Delvoye stated that everything in modern life is pointless. The most useless object he could create was a machine that serves no purpose at all, besides the reduction of food to waste."
(orbbfrgg) There's probably a market for artificial faeces
"When people say I changed the culture of Boeing, that was the intent, so it's run like a business rather than a great engineering firm." -- Harry Stonecipher
<sasamj> I don't think watching futas gay, if two lesbians are fucking with a strap-on it's not considered gay to watch
< sasamj> I support eating fetuses and oysters
<orbbfrggg> Was thinking of what I might be able to pretreat the surface with. Apparently fire will do.
"Florida once again has giant calamitous snails that spew parasitic brain worms" -- Ars Technica
"Stonemason | S. P. Andersson | Born 25/4 1834 | Killed by this stone 22/6 1880"
If you boil parsnips, mash them, and then add banana extract and a little bit of sugar, you get pretty close to a mashed banana.
"That's the plan, but it turns out making things simpler can be really complicated." -- unnamed SpaceX engineer
"Anti-5G necklaces found to be radioactive."
"IT IMPLODED! The darn thing imploded and now the darn *gerbils* are loose! This was *not* in the manual!"
"This wasn't a static fire attempt. But it is static, and on fire."
"Dave, if you don't allow me the honor of describing to you my remarkable method of infusing dead flesh with the vigor of life, I shall open up the cabinet of your overgrown abacus and fill it with gerbils."
"We blew... we blew a lot of engines up. I've lot count of how many... I think we might have blown up thirty engines, or so. It's a lot." -- Elon Musk
Coffee: The world's most universally understood word.
<Nvidiot> Don't jump into a canal for a swim. You'll get impaled on bikes
<thomastheo> as a bonus such a design would allow for a very efficient and thorough self destruct mechanism, in case someone did steal it || 'this bicycle will self destruct in 5...4...3...'
"It looks great when it goes right - but also provides countless opportunities for the most almighty cock-up when it goes wrong."
"We have spoken to the Police and family members and urge pupils, parents and the local community not to gather at the top of the quarry for any remembrance gatherings for obvious safety reasons."
< MightyBOB> So THAT'S how you send ghost snakes to bite someone's boob.
<FLHerne> How airtight are bell peppers? I mean, if you put one in a vacuum would it burst? deflate? turn into a balloon? |...| <thomastheo> FLHerne: the bell pepper popped almost immediately
Giving teenagers mindfulness lessons at school to boost wellbeing is largely a waste of time, a major UK study has found.
"Back when I was taking bio courses in college, I stumbled upon a freezer full of frozen rats in the biology building, and it made a deep impression on me. I still kind of wish I’d become a biologist instead of punking out and switching to an English major, because it seems like it’d be great to just have dozens of frozen rats on hand whenever you need them. Sigh."
"Taskers have been actioned, but not all of the action items had been tasked, so we're workflowing the residual untasked actions to the action team to take action to task the remaining actions as taskers and establish a workflow to the production team to take action on the unactioned taskers."
<orbbfrgg> the wind is an infinitely toothed gear
<electrokitty> AAAAA every time I check the weather forecast for next week it goes up by a degree || <orbbfrgg> Stop checking || <orbbfrgg> You'll kill us all
Dog poo forms a significant part of the diet of red foxes living in pine forests in the Scottish Highlands. Researchers found that dog faeces has a calorific content similar to foxes' wild prey, but it is much easier to hunt.
Devs not baking monetisation into the creative process are "fucking idiots", says Unity’s John Riccitiello
"The sinuous antenna is a special type of planar log-periodic that has an acceptable level of wobble."
Kipple is useless objects, like junk mail or match folders after you use the last match or gum wrappers of yesterday's homeopape. When nobody's around, kipple reproduces itself. For instance, if you go to bed leaving any kipple around your apartment, when you wake up the next morning there's twice as much of it. It always gets more and more.
No one can win against kipple, except temporarily and maybe in one spot... It's a universal principle operating throughout the universe; the entire universe is moving toward a final state of total, absolute kippleization.
"I kind of liked the simplicity of those days. Everything either worked perfectly or failed catastrophically. While young people get nervous handling raw memory pointers, I thought it was a great approach in situations like this."
"I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everybody & everything." -- Charles Darwin
The fundamental logistical problem of the pre-railroad era: everything you use to move food that is not a boat, eats the food, and does so quite quickly.
<electrokitty> OwO *notices ur ADC*
Death isn't a punchline, but it is the perfect setup. Death renders everything around it absurd.
"Okay. Riight. Yeah, not sure the science of this, but this is all going on fire quite rapidly. So that's quite an exciting chemical. Ohhhh... this isn't necessarily quite good. Where is my explosion-containment pie dish?"
"According to informed sources, exploding capacitors come under the 'stuff happens occasionally' category."
"On the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons."
"My girlfriend is cooing over my boss's vulva like it was a newborn kitten."
Technically a boat is an off-road vehicle.
"Mogadishu airport is surrounded by dangerous wartorn territories, and the approach chart explicitly designates the city around the airport as a "No Fly Zone", so the only "safe" approach is from over the ocean. That's a pretty good motivation for someone to weigh the risk of a tailwind against the risk of getting shot at."
"It turns out the decelerator makes an excellent raft." -- Tory Bruno
"I'm British, which means you can tell I'm joking because I talk exactly the same way as when I am serious."
<jan> hm, now instead of multiple smoke pillars it's morphed into a one big one || is that good or not
We have our own security system and it has never been breached in more than 15 years.
"The site's subscription page transmits credit card information over plain-vanilla HTTP pages as well. The lack of protection is made worse by the assurance on the same page that: "All credit card information is encrypted using our Secure Transaction Server.""
"Why aren't you giving all this money to charity?" || "Why aren't YOU giving all this money to charity? It's your money."
"They're going to breach the ship. They're going to DELIBERATELY breach the ship. Oh my god..."
Bunk beds are cool. A bed with a ladder! You can't beat that.
<orbfrg> Why does most of the world's religious history come from SAND WORLD || Maybe all the sand and heat just makes people extra crazy and they invent religions
"Once he realised the mirror cat isn’t a real cat and the TV is just a noisy, shiny rectangle, he decided they were strange but unimportant. Now his main concern is inserting himself between the TV and my face so I spend less time paying attention to things that aren’t cat."
"During our mess dinner at the end of the course I was fined for a misdemeanour, and the fine was to say a particular word, the abbreviation of cockerel, several times during a speech on the floor of the House of Commons and mention all of the officers' names present." -- Penny Mordaunt MP
"Webb’s tremendous size and sensitivity make it a highly sensitive detector of micrometeorites; over time Webb will help improve knowledge of the solar system dust particle environment at L2." -- NASA
ARCA’s EcoRocket Heavy will be used to launch asteroid mining missions.
<Nvidiot> I might have gone straight from "I don't like coffee" to "I only want specialty coffee, 'regular' coffee is shit" :D
"At this stage it’s sufficient to say that one fuel performed better than the other. Neither test was a 'failure' as some useful data was gathered for the producer."
<umaxtu> if SLS launches on August 29th... I'll eat... something disgusting
"At SpaceX, we specialize in turning... in converting things from impossible to late." -- Elon Musk
Mount Thor in Canada has the world's longest vertical drop. If you fell off it, you would fall for over a kilometer before you hit anything.
"I am genuinely terrified of these things. If they get as mass produced as hoverboards or electric scooters; we will see decapitations frequently. We will see people falling hundreds of feet to their death. I am actually horrified of the average person owning a flying death board."
"Please cut and paste this article into your own 'news' website, changing perhaps one or two words to make it look as if you've written it."
Just because it's an idiom doesn't mean it's true.
Unions are the free market alternative to labor laws.
<FLHerne> if I zone out while walking back, it's "oh, yeah, home is *here* now. Huh."
<FLHerne> it was literally like we'd gone through an invisible portal into 2000s video game world
In Japan cats traditionally use the first person pronoun 我輩, which is an archaic self-important aristocratic pronoun.
"Not only could they simultaneously see the inside and outside and every side of any 3-d object, including themselves, they describe how you have to be careful how you move or else you might accidentally turn yourself into a Klein bottle and die painfully."
The Oxford comma is proper, necessary, and correct.
Cheese tastes better the thinner it is sliced.
It appears that there is a taxonomic error in the "landing gear" subunit. Empirically, this substructure does not seem to be strictly necessary for LANDING (though there is a marked decrease in friction and binding coefficients to tARmAC when they are expressed). The term "Takeoff Gear" is preferred.
Yoshikazu Suzuki departed from Lake Biwa in Japan on 23 November 1992 with 23 helium balloons. He was spotted by a Japanese coast guard aeroplane on 25 November 1992, located about 800 km (500 mi) offshore over the Pacific Ocean, at an altitude between 2,500 and 4,000 m (8,200 and 13,100 ft), and was never seen again.
"Unfortunately, weather isn't a druggable target due its big nebulous binding site. But we've got something in Phase 1 for birdstrikes. We'll see how it goes."
"You need approximately 10-100 kg ANFO per 100,000 kg of airplane. 1 kg is too little, and 1000 kg is way too much."
"Tower, American 1997, we just passed a guy in a jetpack... Off the left side, maybe 300 yards or so, about our altitude."
"The owner explained that he frequently found the tailplane retaining bolts to be bent, though the reason for this was not clear, and he had taken to replacing the bolts as necessary."
"The £££s not spent by A1AA1A bashers likely to be spent instead by 1CoCo1 bashers. TM 73-68 bashers are win win."
<thomastheo> it's a good thing aliexpress doesnt sell fighter jets yet
The free software movement was ignited by a jammed Xerox laser printer.
<thomastheo> my 93 year old grandma googles. it was quite a thing to find that out. she learned about it in some magazine
<electrokitty> Oops, I accidentally bought another piece of Su-25 || They're surprisingly cheap || Well, I don't exactly know what the market rate is like for destroyed Russian aircraft
No millipede has as many as 1000 feet; the record is up to 750, for Illacme plenipes.
"The car is now officially the longest car in the world. At the right (rear) can be seen the helipad, the swimming pool, and the miniature golf course."
"We gotta get out there before they find the law against us doing it."
"The robot broke the child's finger. This is of course bad." -- Sergey Lazarev, Moscow Chess Federation President
The man who never made a mistake never made anything.
"...had a metricated technical data section in which most of the original numbers had been multiplied by 25.4. This included Pi, stated to have a value in the metric system of 79.97"
Don't start tearing apart smoke alarms and playing with the americium. It's mostly harmless when outside your body but if it gets in there can be trouble.
<ldgoforlaunch> uwu, nozzles your rocket
In 2019, the US Air Force announced that it had just figured out how to launch a nuclear missile without using 8-inch floppy disks.
For all the ladies, "mansplainer" is short for "man explainer". Hope that helps!
<ZLSA> imagine a scene in a spy thriller where the spy calls into the number || they go through this complicated handshake || and then the guy on the phone says "violet didgeridoo" and hangs up
"On my way from Bath to London, I made a detour from the motorway through Swindon to go on this roundabout. I made 3 trips across it - trying out both the outer and inner routes. My wife in the passenger seat thinks I'm crazy."
<electrokitty> If you're gonna be stupid, at least commit to it
An explanation isn't necessarily a reason.
"You will stand a decent chance of getting liquid rather than gas down the pipes which could be very amusing." || "From a distance."
<Nvidiot> But it's a bit sharp and pointy, not so great for cuddling with
"Now, although they call this a museum, it's really just a group of volunteer enthusiasts with a warehouse."
"I would have traveled to Africa...if I had known they had a conveyor belt!  People like to talk about 'culture', food, scenery, and silly things like that, but why didn't anyone tell me they had a conveyor belt?"
the reheatable ones are just gunge coated in soggy pastry
The cause of the shortened flight of ARRC's HTTP-3A 2nd stage has been found: imperial unit "lb" was mistakenly used instead of metric unit "kg", resulting in only 45% needed oxidizer was added.
"The first officer repeatedly moved the rudder from fully left to fully right. This caused increasing sideslip angles. The resulting hazardous sideslip angle led to extremely high aerodynamic loads that separated the vertical stabilizer. If the first officer had stopped moving the rudder at any time before the vertical stabilizer failed, the aircraft would have leveled out on its own, and the accident would have been avoided."
Initially Mr Irvin tried to cast his own anus with messy and disastrous results. Whilst explaining his failure to a chance acquaintance at a bus stop he was gratified to find that his fellow bus passenger was willing to allow him to cast her anus.
<electrokitty> One time they produced a bunch of videos specifically for the UK presumably because people complained they were too American. They still had American actors with American accents but they had things like union jacks and portraits of the queen on the wall.
"4 year old is livid because she thought we were travelling by FAIRY.. not FERRY :-|"
"Since spiders are biodegradable, researchers say they're not introducing a big waste stream, which can be a problem with more traditional components."
Baguette vending machines are becoming increasingly common in France, and there are wurstomats in Germany that sell sausages.
<electrokitty> I think I'd rather not have worms controlling my immune system
squids are just boneless crabs
<MightyBOB> AI controlled spider corpses.
<orbfrg> Why haven't the Dutch evolved into wonderful mystical frog people yet
"He's kind of a one-speed dog."  - FLHerne
"I apologise for your serviettes; we've only got unicorns."
""We are sorry for the disruption caused to customers between Norwich and Cambridge this afternoon. This was due to a very large, injured tortoise on the line near Harling Road." -- Greater Anglia
<orbfrg> Honestly trying to walk over/around a patch of 100ish 10p sized froglets on a canal towpath is incredibly stressful
<FLHerne> as a kid we decided to keep a big tank full of tadpoles <FLHerne> which was fine until there were little tiny frogs everywhere
If you’re a normal person, you say knock, knock, may I come in. The fact is that they blasted their way into the house in a very heavy wall and it took them literally seconds. By the time those things went off, they had a beautiful big hole and they ran in and they got everybody by surprise.
A snorkeler has suffered a leg injury after reportedly being bitten by a blue shark off the coast of Cornwall. [...] Blue Shark Snorkel, the company that organised the tour, said such incidents were "extremely rare".
"at SpaceX we specialize at converting the impossible to late"
"ELI5: cheese are like people. It can live a long time but as soon as you remove the skin it starts to go bad."
"Yes, like Otrag, but dumber. The LV is wider than it is tall. I don't think they understand the issues that would cause."
"Mind you, my pet hate is watching people try and stop a moving 20 ton boat with a hand or foot between the boat and the wall.  That tearing, snapping sound makes me queasy."
<FLHerne> orbfrg: I can't sue me if I die || <orbfrg> I can't sue you if I die either
<thomastheo> this man is just having so much fun. even when his pulse jet melts he's laughing
"We're not gonna die!" -- New Shepard passenger after main parachute deployment
"Democracy sausage" is the colloquial name for a sausage wrapped in a slice of bread, bought from a sausage sizzle operated as a fundraiser at Australian polling places on election day, often in aid of the institutions that house the polling place.
A French mayor says conditions on Mont Blanc are now so dangerous that climbers should pay a €15,000 (£12,640; $15,370) deposit to cover rescue and possible funeral costs.
You spend 5 minutes repeating "Wait. I can explain. Please listen to me. I can explain. Please let me explain.", but never shout the two-word explanation.
"The sound of the bow thruster is like the mating call of the Shiny Boat, because when I hear it, I know there's a 50-50 chance that said boat is about to start trying to hump my Springer. And apparently, shiny boats are *really* hot for Springers."
Engines must always be coo'd over and spoken of in hushed approving tones, regardless of their size, condition, or maker.
You get bit by a vampire, but you don't turn into a werewolf until three days later.
""Agent Mulcahey," they'd say, "go shoot Russians." And I'd ask, "Russians from an alternate future that no longer exists?" And they'd say "They are your average Russians. Just go shoot them.""
The Schienenzeppelin still holds the record for the fastest propeller driven rail vehicle.
"It is not really necessary to look too far into the future; we see enough already to be certain it will be magnificent. Only let us hurry and open the roads." -- Wilbur Wright
Horses are biologically designed to fail. They can’t throw up, their internal organs are free floating, and if a tiny bone in their foot rotates even a little, it'll kill them.
"He asked, like, how would you get to Culver City in 15 minutes if there was an emergency? I was like, you couldn’t get to Culver City in a jetpack at any time of day from Highland Park in 15 minutes. And if a friend called me and was like there’s an emergency in Culver City I’d be like fucking hang up the phone and call 911."
A storm in China in 2002 dropped egg-sized and baseball-sized hailstones that killed several dozen people.
"Sci-fi is the absolute worst because its 99% writers with effectively no interest in the actual Sci part but having the constraints of a grounded reality of an "old timey" or modern world denies them from writing their weird self insert power fantasy."
"I lost power for a day. Substation in my town blew out. Most people are saying it was the AC's running on a hot day, but I think it was the raw power of Linux back feeding into it."
Some people in Amsterdam have been going around gluing little hats onto pigeons.
<MightyBOB> Miniaturized porkchops in watches??  Impossible! You're a madman.
Nitrocellulose s tricky to make; the first effort to manufacture it at scale in 1846 blew up the plant within a year and it took 15 years from that to figure out how to manufacture it safely without it just exploding.
"The ratio of nitric acid to sulfuric acid has to be controlled carefully; too much nitric acid and the dry guncotton explodes near room temperatures, which is not ideal."
"Given just how many inventors appear to have blown up themselves, their factories or close relatives trying to figure this stuff out, I am content merely to read about it."
"The co-pilot reached up, touched the liquid dripping out of the engine nacelle and said "Tastes like hydraulic fluid."
"Please scream inside your heart." -- Infection control guidance in a Japanese themepark in 2020.
"Here's another gratuitous shot of a train. Thanks for watching."
> new CAD program where "exploded view" just fucking blows up your computer
<raptop> ...is the blood inside or outside of the bodies of teenagers?
In 2013 in Florida, a sink hole unexpectedly opened up beneath a sleeping man’s bedroom and swallowed him whole. He is presumed dead.
<thomastheo> slugs are also pretty enjoyable. although it is admittedly more about the garlic butter than the slugs
<thomastheo> well, quiche with fake eggs, fake cheese, fake cream and fake butter is no good. it was just quiche-shaped schmoo.
She noted such releases could also be illegal. Laws vary by country and state, Curry said, but she encouraged people to call their state wildlife agency if they see such activity on TikTok
"The war was unacceptable when Russia invaded. That's why it needs to be won, and not, you know, accepted."
"Man overcharged 20 rupees for India train ticket wins 22-year legal battle."
<electrokitty> Apparently I don't own anything even slightly radioactive || <thomastheo> :(
"This seems to me something of an Infernal Engine. The moving parts are immersed in a mixture of hexane and ethyl alcohol. Both are highly inflammable, and you then apply 10,000 Volts."
"They didn't beat us much this time," one of the protesters told the BBC.
"Three corpses were removed from their Dewar capsules so that the heads could be cut off — still frozen, so requiring a chainsaw."
The small town of Nederland, Colorado has a Frozen Dead Guy Days celebration every year.
<thomastheo> i once visited to the national brain instute in amsterdam. they extract and process fresh brains all day. you wouldnt believe the sense of humor in that lab.
"Be super careful never to program the Atmega while high voltage is applied and caps are not discharged. When cycling through the boot loader, it seems to do something strange that will blow up the otherwise bullet proof buck/boost converter!"
In Russia it is prohibited to display a blank sheet of paper in public.
Manatees regulate their flatulence for buoyancy control.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
"My advice is to give him his money back.and to apologise for being a dickhead. Mice for fucks sake."
Know what you're not capable of doing safely.
If you are ever offered polar bear liver politely decline.
"How long will this thing run on the Low Fuel Light? BEEP BEEP BEEP Disregard I just found out!"
"I, on the Puma had a soldier follow the orders for the Chinook and ran straight back and under the tail rotor which sliced straight through the camouflage on his helmet, but luckily not his head."
The name of the power that moves you is not important. What is important is that you are moved.
"Playing the music video on one laptop caused a laptop sitting nearby to crash, even though that other laptop wasn’t playing the video!"
"The release is 95-97% rainwater and so should not be described as raw sewage." -- Southern Water
"There is a small air force, which is mainly used for transporting the king."
"Japan urges its young people to drink more to boost economy."
The ability to follow simple instructions is far, far more useful in just about every field than many skills taught at college.
A Greek tortoise named Timothy was found on a Portuguese ship by Captain John Guy Courtenay-Everard on the HMS Queen in 1854. Serving as a mascot throughout the war, when she died in 2004 this made her the last living veteran of the Crimean War.
[10:46] (electrokitty) sudo apt install sandwich
Ahctuallly a man named Oppenheimer can be credited with that bc he made the dynimite and he said I are death now destroyer of worlds, somebody help me."
<SilverFox> if I explode I don't want that precious data to go to waste
Folks, clean out your dishwasher filters. They're disgusting if you don't. Consult your manual. It just takes like five minutes.
<Nvidiot> I kept trying to use the English sentence structure, but with Dutch words. That doesn't work, so I'd get stuck halfway in a sentence. It feels really weird to not be able to speak your native language.
If you punish people for being honest, they will stop being honest with you.
"You could send these guys stuff and they'd microwave it. Guy almost killed himself trying to microwave an airbag."
Jelly has traditionally been savory. The oldest known meat jelly recipe is from the 10th-century cook book Kitab al-Tabikh and ingredients include boiled fish heads, vinegar, and whole onions. Jelly containing fruits would come later.
"I hope that I am covered by parliamentary privilege when I reveal that the British Telecom tower does exist and that its address is 60 Cleveland Street, London." -- Kate Hoey MP
Johnny Depp spent more than $75m on 14 homes and $3m blasting author Hunter S Thompson's ashes out of a cannon.
<electrokitty> I guess at some point, the botulinum die off and toxins denature?
The word "dog" is a mystery. It has no etymology and was practically non-existent right up until the moment it became the main word we used for that animal.
"Ham sandwiches and too much mustard are insane though. Nothing better then your nostrils melting off mid lunch."
"...and, after you've done that on some regular leather you can do it on some, uh, *fine* leather, otherwise known as human skin."
"So, I guess I wouldn't recommend using your hand, but it is a 'handy' piece of fairly fine leather that you always have with you."
<WeylandsWings> you know the furlong seems like a more reasonable long length than the mile
<raptop> If you have transmission times in ns, you can certainly measure packet length in feet
"The only thing that was certain was that the car would not go in a straight line, and would continue to not go in a straight line at a very high rate of speed."
"The reason this detail is always supplied is because it's critical to make the listener think the test pilot at least looked cool when he flew into the cliff. You'll never hear someone tell a story about a guy in a rocket-powered K-car or a Volkswagen Beetle."
"Curdled milk, of a peculiar kind, made after a Bulgarian recipe and called "yaghurt," is now a Parisian fad and is believed to be a remedy against growing old. A correspondent who has tried it, says he would prefer to die young." -- The Elk Falls Journal, 1905
"There was no such thing as vulcanised rubber apart from experimental laboratory samples which were shit (burnt on one side and gooey on the other, with just enough good stuff between the two to show that it would be useful if you could figure out how to make it all go like that)."
If you have a large enough supply of poor sods you can claim anything works no matter how fucked it is.
PROCMCL is probably "PROC Move Communist Lesbian", but what the fuck is PROCAPHNL?
The Applebees/Chili's crowd exists for a reason. They're not all naive idiots who haven't tried "better" food; some people just know what they like and what they like is enjoying, without pretense, a mountain of nachos the size of their head.
<thomastheo> yeah before i offer up a bell pepper to the gods of nothing, i would also like to know from whence this question came
Sliced bread was illegal in the United States from January 18th to March 8th 1943.
"By means of the implant, Warwick's nervous system was connected to the Internet at Columbia University, New York."
"A controversy began in August 2002, shortly after the Soham murders, when Warwick reportedly offered to implant a tracking device into an 11-year-old girl as an anti-abduction measure."
"I doubt the thing you are imagining (casual foot orgies listed on gumtree) actually exists in Cambridge, although it probably does in London because everything does in London."
A Met Office spokesman said: “All rain is wet and will make you wet. But how wet they make you can be to do with how they land."
If you criminalise peaceful protest, then you erode the line between a march and a riot.
In general avoid exposure to any temperatures, pressures, particle energies, or states of matter that physicists think are neat.
"Researchers in Italy have reported the first known case of someone testing positive for monkeypox, COVID-19 and HIV at the same time. All three infections were new and followed a short trip to Spain."
"We're a modest company with modest goals:  (1) sell a quality product at a fair price  (2) drain the world's oceans so we can find and kill god"
"Got ahold of my insurance company and explained I had a total loss of my vehicle, and when asked what happened to it, I explained that my truck had been hit by a rocket. The woman on the other end didn't really know how to process that."
"Never poke prawns through. Let the prawns go rancid in a plastic bag. Poke holes in the bag and drip the fluid inside. WAY harder to remove as the rubber will absorb the warm fluid."
"Student loan forgiveness undermines one of our military’s greatest recruitment tools at a time of dangerously low enlistments." -- US Representative Jim Banks
<thomastheo> they have ducks in england, don't they? || <thomastheo> right there for the grabbing
"The elites don't want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free, you can take them home. I have 458 ducks."
<orbfrg> Astute observers will remember that the original lineup of synthmoss flavours were as follows: Original Moss, Bran, Just Salt™, Blue Food Colouring, and Pine Fresh
<orbfrg> Panasonic sounds like panna cotta for people who are about to become furries but don't know it yet
<orbfrg> Sonic is the #1 gateway drug to furrydom || Every person I have ever met in my entire life that was really into sonic was a sexual pervert with a DeviantArt account
<orbfrg> 80% of deviant art is people who want to have sex with something imaginary
<orbfrg> I try not to throw my 3D prints directly into large aquatic ecosystems or anything like that
Cruelty Squad is "an immersive power fantasy simulator set in a sewage infused garbage world."
"Pilots had a love-hate relationship with the plane, although the nicknames they gave it suggested that there was more hate than love, as it was derisively known as the “Texas Lawn Dart,” “San Antonio Sewer Pipe,” “Screamin’ Weenie,” “Terror Tube,” “Widowmaker,” “Kerosene Crowbar,” “Necroliner,” and about a dozen other similar names."
<FLHerne> watching you be torn limb from limb in a shower of blood will give much more closure
"I used to think that "do your research" was a signifier of people who like a little bleach in their horse paste, but it turns out that it is also the rallying cry of cryptobros." -- jwz
The government of El Salvador hopes to entice investors through its $1 billion worth of its bitcoin-backed “volcano bonds.” Five hundred thousand would go to building infrastructure, and the other half million would be used to buy more bitcoin.
Flight 254 departed Marabá headed due west instead of north, flew for almost an hour, turned around, backtracked to the Xingu River, followed it south for another hour, then left the river and proceeded south-southeast on a straight line to nowhere until it ran out of fuel.
An army sergeant was shot and killed when he was mistaken for a target by a soldier with "poor eyesight", an inquiry has found.
I feel sorry for the kids today that don’t seem to have corrugated iron, or even hessian sacks to hide in. Just TikTok. Nothing tears you like corrugated iron.
https://i.imgur.com/rg5TQsy.png
"The RTG either sank in the sand during a heavy storm, or was stolen by unknown criminals."
"The service asserts that nothing of the kind has ever happened and that their own tests have confirmed an RHS-90 would remain intact even if blown up."
"A similar incident had occurred in the Leningrad region in 1999. An identical lighthouse was found completely destroyed, and its radioactive power element discarded at a bus station in the city of Kingisepp, 50 kilometres away from the crime scene. Three people who the police established were the perpetrators died from radiation poisoning."
The last major boarding action by the Royal Navy was the Altmark incident, in 1940.
There is an assumption that this RTG was run over with a land rover by deer farmers of a brigade that was staying at Navarin in 1999. The heat exchange was violated, and RTG warmed up inside to 800 degrees Celsius. Metal plates, securing from radiation, cracked.
Nothing has ever sounded better than the rain on a corrugated iron roof. Nothing more threatening, exhilarating, life giving and life taking all at the same time.
Due to gradual decay of the shore- slope rock, two Gong type RTGs sank down to a 20-metre-depth inside a thick layer of permafrost, which has been steadily thawing.
The RTG was installed 3 metres away from the edge of a 100-metre-deep precipice. A crack in the ground can be traced throughout the site, causing the risk that the RTG may be caught in a landslide together with big masses of rock.
The RTG was lost in the sands due to tides, as it was installed in immediate proximity to the inshore area. The accident was caused by the management team’s incompetence. The RTG is still kept on the site in violation of the law
There has to be blood. There always has to be blood. What is the point if there is no blood?
"Over the years and the decades and the even more years, my loathing of what music festivals represented in my head has only grown. That wholesale commodification of counterculture."
<orbfrg> Unless you want life to be like a WIX template website for human existence
At the time the reserve was established, the region’s administration was also developing "ecological tourism" in the area - a system of special paths and routes for nature lovers. However, the two radioactive incidents caused by the negligent loss of dangerous radiating power elements raise significant doubts about the prospect of flourishing tourist business.
The thieves, attracted by the prospect of looting some non-ferrous metals, stole around 500 kilograms of stainless steel, aluminium and lead. As for the radioactive power element, they threw it out into the frozen sea some 200 meters away from the lighthouse. The strontium capsule melted the ice and went down to the sea floor. The gamma radiation exposure dose rate directly above the sunken unit reached over 0,3 Sv/h (through 1m of ice).
<sasamj> SLS is so expendable even it's launchpad will be thrown away after 2 uses
"Somebody had the bright idea that the sonic vibrations of a rocket motor might promote combustion. So he made a tape recording of the sound of a running motor and played it back at the interacting propellants."
"Two Air France pilots suspended after cockpit fistfight." -- BBC News
"Waarom heeft niemand mij verteld dat het zo erg zou worden in Afghanistan" is the first full-length feature film shot with a mobile phone.
<darkelarious> can't believe i wasted my whole day on an incontinent rocket with performance issues ;_;
"Let's see if I can convey the fascinating awfulness of this earnest, well-intentioned, and very, very bad novel."
Russian media say 65-year-old Elena Belova, who set fire to a Russian military official's car in Moscow, was kidnapped by Ukrainian special forces, hypnotized and taught by them how to burn cars.
<SilverFox> wasn't [Gorbachev]  a russian ussr person?
<MightyBOB> I had to google "sexy corn near you" to find that.
What if swings had springs instead of ropes?
In China, it's illegal to reincarnate without the government's permission.
For development and operations of crew, NASA is going to pay Boeing a total of approximately $5.1 billion for six crew flights; and it is going to pay SpaceX a total of $4.9 billion for 14 flights.
<orbfrg> Nerds who correct people on Frankenstein Vs Frankenstein's Monster are like 10 levels of irony below me
In reality, of course, Venus is a high-pressure shithole that we’re technologically a thousand years away from being able to walk on, and there’s bugger all on Mars. Welcome to JG Ballard’s future, fast becoming a consensus of its own, wherein the future is intrinsically banal. It is, essentially, the sensible position to take right now.
(orbfrg) You generate your own piss. You don't generate your own lithium batteries. I'm staggered this needed to be explained.
<electrokitty> Also, please don't go sticking batteries next to your urethra.
"Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade megaphone, using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone."
"Op-ed | The Space Launch System is America’s Space Program"
"There isn't even the excuse of being threaded into ally - both nut and spindle are made of steel. Well, it's magnetic, so it's probably supposed to be steel. Perhaps it is cheese with a steel jacket."
Alarm clocks exist to impose sleep deprivation on the population at large in conformance to the completely pointless convention of forcing people to spend the entire day performing useless work for no reason.
" If I ever meet the cunt who invented this foul process, I'll put his fucking blood through the homogeniser and transfuse it back into him."
"Yea. I want to draw a fucking owl not a normal owl. I need two owls at least plus a way to convey the fucking."
"This is mostly because all orange cats share one brain cell. Because God got drunk one night and thought it'd be hilarious to make a block of cheese into a cat."
Don't set something one does not really want as a goal; this goal will not be achievable.
<electrokitty> As a side note, I have become ridiculously good at estimating 100g of cheese by volume || Probably like 60% of the time I cut off a chunk of cheese and weigh it and it's +-1g
Radithor was a patent medicine that is a well-known example of radioactive quackery. It consisted of triple distilled water containing at a minimum 1 microcurie (37 kBq) each of the radium 226 and 228 isotopes.
<Nvidiot> or scatter them on the floor and make a good tripping hazard. Not your fault that guy tripped and broke his neck || <Nvidiot> Whereas if you hit him with frozen peas, you get all sorts of uncomfortable questions from the cops
<@jsutton> fortunately ausrtalia's customs officials will intercept and destroy the pinecone before it can reach me
<electrokitty> I don't think anyone's going to arrest you for stealing some pinecones
"To be fair. I think we’ve all been unnecessarily petrified of the Bermuda Triangle, quicksand and spontaneous combustion in our childhoods."
"The planners went incredibly literal with the Constitution’s guidelines. Ten miles square? Fine. Make a freaking square that’s 10 miles on each side."
"open source sprints are quite fun. mostly people shouting 'why is the wifi so bad?' in multiple accents"
On July 27th 1939, the IRA blew up Bridge 15 of the Leeds & Liverpool Canal.
Top tip: top up a small amount of sugary cereal with plain rolled oats, it's cheaper and lower in sugar. But be warned, cutting your cereal with oats is a gateway drug to porridge.
"I decided we should make the engine with the lowest fuel consumption in the world, regardless of weight and bulk. So far we have achieved the weight and bulk." -- Frank Owner, Bristol Proteus Chief Engineer
"The pilot believed that the left landing gear had failed. Once the aircraft stopped, he looked down and saw that his aircraft was straddled on top of another aircraft."
"Instead of generating some majestic bovine megafauna, they made the unfortunate decision to use digitally enlarged live animals. Specifically, they glued horns to a bunch of hogs and filmed them; it didn't have quite the impact the filmmaker seemed to have been going for."
Aluminum is cheese with delusions of grandeur; it's a plastic with semi-metallic properties!
"I am what I am - that's what I'm for. You want something different?  You want something more?"
"Shiny's is the rare case where cannibalism was not only legal but ethical. He documented the entire process, but due to the graphic nature of the photos, we have omitted several from this post."
"Originally I wanted to have it taxidermied or freeze-dried. How cool would it be to have my freeze-dried or taxidermied foot standing around the house as a lamp or a doorstop or something?"
"Initial claims suggested that the inner rim and outer edge of the disc should be colored with an Eberhard Faber Design Art Marker No. 255, but over time this procedure became less specific."
"Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony, thousand-year-old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean, mean, vampire-devil fighting machine. His new side-job? No biggie: just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires (demon vampires) at bay. So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch, vangel turns cowboy. Yeehaw!"
"Biomass-Eating Military Robot Is a Vegetarian, Company Says"
Osteo-odonto-keratoprosthesis is a procedure for restoring vision by transplanting a tooth into your eye.
"Shoot for the moon, even you miss you'll land among the stars" is not actual advice for space exploration, no one is genuinely suggesting that you strap rockets to your ankles and launch yourself into the cosmos.
Imagine a science-fiction film where the entire special effects budget was spent on cocaine.
Tyre Extinguishers is an international climate direct action group which vandalises people’s sport utility vehicles by deflating their tyres.
"ariane-5 is basically discount SLS" -- darkelarious
"I think societies are like individuals; we grow when we challenge ourselves, we stagnate when we do not. A humans-to-Mars program would be a tremendously bracing challenge for our society. It would be tremendously productive, particularly among youth. A humans-to-Mars program would say to every kid in school today "learn your science and you can be an explorer of a new world."" -- Robert Zubrin
<Nvidiot> "It worked in test". Production is completely broken and on fire, but it's fine because it worked in test :)
"So one day the head of Finance trots on over and says "Boy you have been busy!", I said "Huh I suppose so.", he continues "You have spent over $250k on CPU time in the last 3 days.""
Having a queen as head of state is like having a pirate or a mermaid or Ewok as head of state. What’s the logic?
"A judge who was said to have died of a heart attack while overseeing a corruption trial involving the president's chief of staff in the Democratic Republic of Congo actually died of stab wounds to the head, the justice minister has revealed."
"Chinese man gets trapped aloft in hydrogen balloon for 2 days, traveling 200 miles. He was trying to collect pine nuts from a tree."
Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of the United Kingdom and the other Commonwealth realms and the longest-living and longest-reigning British monarch, died at the age of 96 on 8 September 2022 at Balmoral Castle. After sucking too many souls she exploded.
< thomastheo> "in a spectacular display of royal chemistry, king charles the third detonated, when he jumped into a bath of manganese heptoxide"
The LAX Consolidated Rent-A-Car Facility is the second-largest concrete building in the U.S.
"Assuming that Musk's response was not telepathic, one would expect some evidence of it in Defendants' document production."
Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke held the world record for the fastest time to consume a yard of beer for over three decades, including during his time in office.
"We used to take turns jumping off the top of the jungle gym in our back yard using the sunshade umbrella from our outdoor dining table. That was tall enough to hurt if you jumped straight off with nothing, but the umbrella really slowed you down."
"I really do wish insurance documents had to include an appendix decribing the things that happened to make them include a given clause. it'd make them much more fun to read."
"Philip was describing how cool it would be to have a koi pond suspended from the ceiling of the atrium, so you could see the fish swimming from beneath and from all sides. Brian Stein replied, 'You know what would be even better? A solid-gold trash can, burning cash 24/7.' I don't think we would have laughed so long and hard if Brian had not struck a chord."
<sborb> I'm not doing the whole peer pressure by dead people thing
Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.
<sborb> Gammon is just bacon that failed bacon school due to being too fat
<sasamj> Goddamn Brits and their weird english
"He wrote, in a peer performance review, that I was too concerned about making people happy and that, while he had never seen me offend anyone, he had never seen me inspire anyone either."
The Gyrodyne QH-50, aka Drone Anti-Submarine Helicopter (DASH), was the only nuclear-armed UAV.
Atwater General works well when you're mixing foods together - if you put an apple, chicken thigh, milk, and some lettuce in a blender you'll get a disgusting mix where the calories probably average out to be about 4 per gram of carbohydrate and protein and 9 per gram of fat.
The Davy Crockett had another problem: it had a fairly small radius in which it would produce an immediate mission-kill on an enemy tank crew... and a much larger radius in which it delivered a 'death in 24 hours' radiation dose. Which meant you now had most of an enemy tank battalion who'd be functional as soon as they stopped vomiting and had /absolutely nothing to lose/...
"I mean I'd love you if you were a snail and I'm not even your gf. But that's just because I love snails."
"ukraine is advancing faster than I can learn where all these cities even are"
Sleep: It's like death but without the commitment.
<electrokitty> Why bother hosting your own stream when you can just give it to a rocket nerd in his basement
<thomastheo> NS is more of a flying dong, figuratively and literally, than an engineering exercise, if you ask me.
"This is a bouncy little song based on the book Driving Mr. Albert by Micheal Paterniti. Paterniti drove across America with pathologist Thomas Harvey and his most precious specimen/relic, Albert Einstein’s (somewhat) preserved brain. Now their story has a theme song. Why not?"
<FLHerne> adding your own lines to !stupid is banned
<FLHerne> it only fails, I should fix that
"A small group of writers, desperate for something new to write about, for a new story to tell, invented a new genre called science fiction.  They mined the future for ideas.  The infinite future--like the infinite coal and oil and copper they had then too.  In less than a century they had mined it out."
A Tube passenger's head was crushed earlier this year when they tried to urinate between two carriages of a moving Piccadilly Line train, a TfL safety report has revealed.
"I’m posting this comment rather later in the day than I normally do, simply because I had to chase down my eyeballs when they actually jumped out of my skull and ran away after reading the first couple of paragraphs of your little essays.  And of course I couldn’t *look* for them … duh."
"The conch was this insane deep bass trumpet thing that made your spleen vibrate with sound. Its bearded owner declared gleefully/confusedly "I've never conched a gerbil before.""
They Might Be Giants is the greatest accordion-based band of all time.
"[our university's] IT department got contacted because we were making 1000's of calls in rapid succession to Paris Observatory's web server to get the number of leap seconds."
"Solar energy is like a shining princess, and a lot of countries are striving to win her hand. Wind energy is not exactly an ash-covered Cinderella. But, if a small fish is better than an empty dish, then, it's more like a small fish."
Teledyne found that two of the three units [used in fighter jet ejection seats] would have functioned properly in an ejection.
<sasamj> Why is it called a mass simulator, it's implying that they're simulating mass, the mass is very real I'm pretty sure
"Aimee Mann’s cover of this is a million times better, for the obvious reason that she’s not Coldplay."
"And the third sin is looting. Including sexual contact with local women, flora, fauna, men, anything." -Wagner PMC recruitment video
"I'm really bad at drawing skulls for some reason. Fortunately, this is supposed to be a skull that's been gnawed on, so it's okay that it's totally misshapen and weird. "
Nobody on the planet actually knows how business works. Everyone just pretends they do.
"Piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no purpose or meaning." -- President Jimmy Carter
<ldgoforlaunch> as long as the baby is sober, it's all good
"Unable to control altitude. Unable to control airspeed. Unable to control heading. Kalitta six six. Other than that, everything A-OK."
Platypus frogs, extinct since the mid-1980s, were the only frogs known to incubate tadpoles in their stomach.
"If disturbed the female may regurgitate all the young frogs in a single act of propulsive vomiting."
"STAY OFF THE TRACKS! They are for trains only. If you can read this you are not a train."
<electrokitty> Actually, I wonder if a consensual cannibal could technically be vegan
"They've managed to fuck up by £800,000 because they forgot to multiply the 'per month' value by 12 ... also they just used the dollar values as pounds."
<electrokitty> Well, my piece of T-72 has been shipped
<electrokitty> At this point, my bookcase might be more well equipped than the new Russian units
StarLink will destroy Earth on Dec. 25 2022. You have been warned. You will see 2 False flag events before it happens. Sep. 23-24 and Oct. 17th.
<thomastheo> when you're halfway through a box of rodent teeth and you realize your calipers are measuring wrong and you have to start again.. well.. you develop a grudge eventually
Both the United States and Russia are known to have military cetacean training programs
“A defibrillator? You mean like a DFU reset?”
[23:04] (sasamj) Neutron really is just Falcon 9 game of the year edition or something when you think about it
Arca Space has set up operations in Las Cruces, NM, where it is making hover boards.
"A limited edition single volume of the long-running manga One Piece is being billed as the longest book in existence. At 21,450 pages, it is physically impossible to read, making it less of a book and more of a sculpture."
The summit of Chimborazo is the farthest point on the surface from the centre of the Earth.
Humans tend to suck as a food source. We don't have the blubber or fat content most of the large predators need...we are the iceberg lettuce of the planet.
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in your fruit salad.
The US Supreme Court in 1893 ruled that the tomato should be classified as a vegetable.
"Obviously there is no good reason for a pilot to be able to remove all of an airplane’s lift while in the air, so the DC-8 was subsequently redesigned."
"At around 5.40pm one of the eyebars in the southern suspension chain failed; this was witnessed by members of the crowd but no action seems to have been taken to evacuate the bridge as a result."
In 1845, 79 people died in a bridge collapse that happened because a large crowd had gathered to watch a clown in a bathtub be pulled up a river by four geese.
"This was a problem for future me, and now I am future me."
"We're probably only a few decades away from being able to bioengineer bipedal frogs. I say we do it. For science."
<orbfrg> electrokitty the QI crowd says they're tripeds || <orbfrg> Because they can't effectively locomote without the tail
"There are two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses." -- Bjarne Stroustrup
"A thing floats when it displaces more water than it weighs. Density has nothing to do with it."
"Smarter people tend to take things really literally, without trying to understand what it really means from the context."
The Kremlin defended the practice earlier this week, saying "it isn't against the law".
The character "ꙮ" (U+A66E) is being updated in version 15.0.0. Because it doesn't have enough eyes. It needs to have three more eyes.
More than 900 Chinese "final warnings" had been issued by the end of 1964.
<jan> Nvidiot, have you tried eating the regular thermal paste though? they're awful
In fact, supposedly explosion-proof fuel tanks had exploded before — not just once, but many times.
<orbfrg> We have to start radiation hardening human DNA at some point
On 25 May 1997, Bohumil Šole, a scientist who claimed to have been involved with inventing Semtex, committed suicide at a spa in Jeseník by blowing himself up with explosives.
Parachute use did not reduce death or major traumatic injury when jumping from aircraft in the first randomized evaluation of this intervention. However, the trial was only able to enroll participants on small stationary aircraft on the ground, suggesting cautious extrapolation to high altitude jumps.
"... something needs to be done about it and we shouldn't be upsetting people." "Could we shoot those responsible?" "I'm against shooting people." -- Rossiya 1 TV
"Belgium is the weirdest place I've ever been. It's like a beta version of The Netherlands."
Veterinary offices see proptosed eyes all the time, probably much much more frequently than normal hospitals, due to human beings’ apparent need to breed dogs with completely abnormal skull shapes.
"Geoff Marshall’s cameo is both one of the best and most weirdly erotic in all of Unfinished London history."
"Literally have no idea why people worry that I will hurt myself. <video clinging to a treetop>" "2 broken necks might be the reason mate."
I usually steer clear of experimental science in these articles, but am willing to make an exception when it involves eating a bunch of pizza.
"I was once in a rural cafe in France where an American was patiently explaining, in really very good French, that he wanted frozen water in a cube form to put in his drink. The cafe owner either thought he was dangerously insane, or was fucking with him."
You shouldn't anthropomorphise random objects, they don't like it.
<thomastheo> with all this news going on i am a little undecided myself about the whole 'not getting my face eaten by a leopard' thing
"Sorry for that. I used your profile cuz you have a great history on Github. And you look handsome. :)"
Justin Trudeau, prime minister of Canada, is actually the son of Fidel Castro. First, Justin looks like a young Fidel, obviously and nothing like Pierre Trudeau. And Pierre and Margaret Trudeau were rumored to be swingers. They were in Cuba in early 1971, around February or March and Justin was born Christmas of that year, about 9 months later.
You don't just start floating because you reach a high enough altitude.
"ClF3 is an absolutely awesome in-vitro anti-biotic. You can be 100% sure nothing will survive. Sadly it's not great in-vivo, as it sets the organism on fire."
"The combined tonnage of our oligarchs' yachts would be envied by the Navy of any large nation." -- Vladimir Solovyov
"Let's attach some jet engines to oligarchs' yachts and dispatch them into the damned stratosphere so they can send us data from there!" -- Vladimir Solovyov
<thomastheo> i wouldnt mind surviving long enough to test my geiger counters and marvel at the insane dose of radiation, only for a second strike to vaporize me || maybe see a scintillator glow with my naked eye, that would be fun
< orbfrg> I am an RSPB member but if I miss a payment nobody's gonna shove a chaffinch up my arse
Added to these emissions, the effects of a nuclear war, which is assumed to periodically reoccur on a 30-y cycle, are included in the analysis of emissions and mortality of civilian nuclear power.
[22:46] (FLHerne) https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/fTjhd6Tw/image.png is about the only frog on there I'd even consider fucking
<orbfrg> Considering that I am actually within the list it means that given the choice of engaging in congress with either me or an anthropomorphic representation of a frog in a vaguely Muppet-esque style, he'd choose the non-human. And honestly I suppose I can't blame him
"I like to picture a 16th century German, transported to today, wondering what the heck happened to the zimbelstern."
"One of the pilots responded by setting fire to his coat, which in Greenland in late November is a good approximation of burning your bridges."
"Astrolabe's lawsuit against Mr. Olson and Mr. Eggert was based on a flawed understanding of the law. We now recognize that historical facts are no one's property and, accordingly, are withdrawing our Complaint."
"What felt like a dead fish in the bowthruster tunnel was indeed a dead fish, and nearly two months later it was not in good condition. The smell was fishy."
[11:47] (FLHerne) you don't want to be eating anachronisms for lunch, you'll become one yourself and become banned from all museums
Among her other firsts, Tereshkova can also claim having made the first bowel movement in space, which occurred on the second day of her flight.
The tail extends far away, beyond our world, and originates in the Land of the Dead. When we walk, the tail is reeled out from its source. When we have pulled out the entire tail, we die. The strategy for a long life, therefore, is to try to avoid pulling out your tail. In order to do this, walk null-homotopic paths as much as possible. When you return, follow the same route. Never go through a tunnel.
Every girl should know how to use a cast iron frying pan as a weapon & have a pair of very big boots. A younger brother as bait helps, but alternatives are available.
Oracle: One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison.
"Why do we do well in biathlons, but have difficulties in combat?!"
"The Russian army is not strong, it is just long. We will eat them slowly, like a salami." - Ukrainian chief of staff, March 7th, 2022
The nightmarishly claustrophobic Tower Subway was open for just 28 years before closing to the public in 1898. It's still there today, but you're only allowed to use it if you're a utility pipe.
The Royal Navy was prohibited from ruling over land, so Diamond Rock was commissioned as a ship.
In 1977, the UK Atomic Energy Authority dumped at least 2 kilograms of sodium and potassium down a 65-metre shaft packed with radioactive waste and flooded with seawater. The explosion blew off the shaft’s huge concrete lid, threw its steel top plate 12 metres to one side, badly damaged the 5-tonne concrete blocks at the mouth of the shaft, and blasted scaffold poles up to 40 metres away.
<thomastheo> you can also use it to make thermite. can't do that with cheese
Consider when, on a voyage, your ship is anchored; if you go on shore to get water you may along the way amuse yourself with picking up a shellfish, or an onion. However, your thoughts and continual attention ought to be bent towards the ship, waiting for the captain to call on board; you must then immediately leave all these things, otherwise you will be thrown into the ship, bound neck and feet like a sheep. So it is with life.
"The West has already revived the shadow market for the purchase of human organs from the socially vulnerable segments of the Ukrainian population for clandestine transplant operations for European patients."
< thomastheo> that t-72 apparently costs about 30 euro per kg. Thats around the price of rib-eye steak. not bad all things considered.
If Titan was in a retrograde orbit then it would be called Loosen.
The waterways are one of the premier places for men who are "supposed to know how to do this" to screw up royally and endanger everyone around them while trying to be macho as hell.
"A pile of 100,000 TM-57 anti-tank mines was detonated with the yield of 1,000 tons of TNT at a distance of 850 and 450 meters from the two separate groups of railcar launching and command modules."
"Be advised I dearly love the English patois and will on occasion torque the language to my personal whimsy." -- Dave Mills, the NTP guy
"We stopped at a gas station. We asked how to get to Athens. The gas attendant replied in a very solemn voice "you can't get there from here." My wife whose profession is communication was not deterred she asked "can you tell us how to get to some place where we could get to Athens?" The gas attendant gladly replied "sure! All you gatta do is go back down there..."
<raptop> Yes, more pasta crimes! :D
<FLHerne> I found the weirdest taxidermied fox ever | <FLHerne> https://www.flherne.uk/files/IMG_20221005_214411.jpg
Rust is absolutely amazing to use if you understand how things work, and if you don't the compiler is like "fuck you and your mutable borrow" and you gotta learn more.
naturally the US Navy buys enough gray paint that they have a 50-page review of their purchasing strategy https://apps.dtic.mil/sti/pdfs/AD1053436.pdf
"What does a baby rhino sound like? Certainly not anything like we thought they would. If we had to describe their sound, it would probably be a cross between dolphins and when you pinch the neck of a balloon to let the air out."
The life expectancy of any non-perishable entity is proportional to its lifetime to date.
The 1562 Articles for the Execution of the Statutes of Apparel prohibited anyone from appearing at the royal court wearing shirts with "outrageous double ruffs" or hose of "monstrous and outrageous greatness."
The Unlawful Games Act 1541 required every Englishman between the ages of 17 and 60 (with various exemptions) to keep a longbow and regularly practise archery. However, this Act was repealed by the Betting and Gaming Act 1960.
Under the 14th century statute Prerogativa Regis, all whales and sturgeons found on the coast are the property of the Crown.
Everything anyone starts off doing ironically ends up being unironic.
[00:15] (@ZLSA) I will note that the people saying that SpaceX could never break even on reuse, or that you'd need 10 flights to break even, are very quiet right now
"Impossible today becomes possible tomorrow." -- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky
Most of the War Cabinet, including John Major, ducked when they heard the first mortar bomb explode in the Downing Street garden just 50 yards away. "It seemed a good thing to do," said one official.
Insert screws by turning, not by driving with a hammer, which will reduce the load-carrying capacity.
"I’ve been up all night trying to think of any possible way to de-escalate this war." -- Elon Musk
Xi Jinping has instructed that China's global image should be "trustworthy, lovable and respectable."
[The operator involved in the accident] had a degree in engineering and was the most experienced operator at the plant, having commenced employment at the facility during its construction. Thus, he was completely familiar with the facility, the hazards and the safety systems. He was regarded as a skilled operator capable of dealing with operational problems and meeting production targets.
As the operator did not take the key with him, he would have had to cross the pit at the maze entrance without the motorized floor section being moved to the closed position. After the accident, no plank or board for bridging the gap was found.
The next safety feature he would have encountered was the pressure plate in the floor, and it is difficult to envisage how he could have avoided stepping on this. Subsequent tests showed that the pressure plate was in correct working order (tested 25 times) and that it was impossible to jump over it (its position prevented a possible run-up).
Theoretically, it would be possible, but extremely difficult, to cross the pressure plate using the product transport system. This could not have been done while holding a dose rate monitor and there would have been no reason to attempt such a move because of the danger involved.
Thus, it can be concluded that in all probability the source rack was in a safe position when the operator entered the irradiation chamber.
After about 1 minute, he developed an acute headache and pain in his joints and gonads. He felt generally unwell and had difficulty in breathing. He turned his head to the left and saw the source rack in the irradiation position. He did not press the nearby emergency 'stop' button, but ran out of the irradiation chamber and told the assistant that he had been irradiated.
[the source rack being raised] would not have been accompanied by any audible alarms inside the irradiation chamber and there were no warning lights to indicate its position. The drive mechanism for moving the source rack would certainly have made a noise, but this may have been masked by the noise from the ventilation system and the product transport system (if he had failed to stop it).
<orbfrg> You're just standing there being gonaded
The first frog battery was constructed by Eusebio Valli in the 1790s with a chain of 10 frogs.
In 1803, Giovanni Aldini demonstrated that electricity could be obtained from an ox head from a freshly killed animal. A frog galvanoscope connected between the ox's tongue and ear showed a reaction when the circuit was completed through the experimenter's own body.
Jacques-Toussaint Benoît claimed that when snails mate, a special type of fluid forms a permanent telepathic link between them.
At the bottom of each of the 24 basins was a snail, glued in place, and each associated with a different letter of the alphabet. An identical second device held the paired snails. To transmit a letter, the operator touched one of the snails. This was supposed to cause a reaction in the corresponding snail, which could then be read by the receiving operator.
<sasamj> after dissecting a cat last week I honestly don't see much benefit, ah yes the muscle that we were looking for is there wowee
"America's a nation that can be defined in a single word: Awdsmafoothimaaafootafootwhscuseme." -- President Biden
All spider-goat songs should mention feta cheese, one of the funniest cheeses.
<sasamj> Next time I visit my family's TCM shop I'll take a picture of the dried seahorses and bees they keep in the front
<electrokitty> Surely there are legal ways to transport alligators that don't involve... that
"I, too, store half-used syringes inside an uncooked chicken."
"Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants it back has no brain." - Vladimir Putin
Wales and Pennsylvania are two ends of the same coal deposit. Known as the "Transatlantic Seam" it was split by millions of years of continental drift.
"Elon's gonna Elon" -Anonymous US defense official
<thomastheo> that looks like one of those 'face full of spiders' moments
<FLHerne> TIL: if the Severn lock keepers think you shouldn't go onto the river, they have a form you can sign || <FLHerne> "wish to exercise your right to navigate the River and demand to be allowed to navigate, against the advice of the lock keeper" || <FLHerne> and then if you die it's your own fault
<FLHerne> it's one of those things where the "regulars" have cheerfully told me it's arse-covering and there's no danger at all if you know what you're doing || <FLHerne> but that's the sort of statement that's just asking to be proved wrong in dramatic fashion || <FLHerne> also I don't know what I'm doing
the explosions were due to mines going off after a prison break
"The jeans, which are heavily stained and torn, were discovered in an abandoned mine by 'denim archaeologist' Michael Harris, who travels the US searching defunct silver mines for clothing left behind by miners."
<moofunk> probably shouldn't try to mess with the Moon's orbit || <sasamj> You say that, but when you think about it, that's kind of what tidal power is
"the Hyatt [billiard] balls were extremely flammable, and sometimes portions of the outer shell would explode upon impact."
An owner of a billiard saloon in Colorado wrote to Hyatt about the explosive tendencies, saying that he did not mind very much personally but for the fact that every man in his saloon immediately pulled a gun at the sound.
<orbfrg> Yeah I used to set fire to ping pong balls
<orbfrg> We made really horribly dangerous vinegar and bicarbonate of soda glass bottle fragmentation grenades as teenagers || The thwoomp when the glass gave way was something to behold
<orbfrg> I tried to blag the doctor that I'd just fallen onto some glass or metal shards || And they were like no lol this is a high velocity wound lol
Lead acid batteries really don't like being batteries at all.
"The purpose of X-33 was to demonstrate that you need expendables, and by golly, it did that." -- Jerry Pournelle
"We'll also need to collect more safety data, naturally, before we start bathing indoor spaces in invisible germicidal rays."
"We are approaching the glorious moment when we will have refined the art of throwing out governments to such a speed that we will reach a government singularity, a point at which all the governments are instantly disbanded and reformed, and we arrive in a golden land where nobody is ever legislating, and we can all relax because nobody's fiddling with anything for once!"
Great Britain accidentally adopted a de facto gold standard in 1717 when Sir Isaac Newton set the exchange rate of silver to gold too low.
"I believe that we are governed by a global conspiracy of evil reptiles" ... "I am a fan of Vladimir Putin. I think he is the dark knight. He is the hero we need." -- Thierry Baudet, leader of FvD"
"The world Arexe is fabled for its exciting sit coms and its inhabitants' ancient loathing of sit coms."
A man whose job it is to help preserve Japan's cultural heritage has accidentally smashed his car into the country's oldest toilet
<F10,99LHerne>:99,99 yet _again_ I now have to get the bloodstains out of my favourite shirt
Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like homogenate in 30 seconds.
One of the most humane methods of animal sacrifice
"This corneoscleral punch is an excellent tool for opening the skull of a small animal without damaging the brain or spinal cord."
"Magnetic force draws the blades together, ensuring a clean and precise cut through very strong bones and skin for a quick and humane animal termination."
<electrokitty> Oh nice, there's also an egg slicer but for brains
"The blades are comprised of hardened steel so they hold an edge and remain sharp, offering years of service. Sharp blades make the process swift for both the researcher and the subject."
""The transponder (left) is glued to the hornet's thorax (right) with the help of a small paper support; an orthodontic glue is required to quickly fasten the tag."
<jan> what do you use it for? || i mean ok that's obvious || but what do you need a homogenous mouse soup for
"If your satellite fits inside the dimensions but weighs more than 50kg then it needs to be classified as a Large Letter and you have to pay more for the stamps."
"One of my earliest memories is waking up in mid-air as I fell off a bunk bed."
"I have acted in the national interest to make sure we have economic stability." -- Liz Truss
<orbfrg> Lindy effect applies to deadlines too
<electrokitty> Jalapenos are ~1/20th of the spiciness of a finger chilli; I can comfortably eat a volume of jalapenos approximately 20 times larger than finger chillis
"One commentator saw Truss's plummet in the polls as a sign of a healthy British democracy because partisanship would prevent such a change in fortunes for a US president."
"We had a lady try to warm a blanket in a microwave once. Apparently that's not how it works... When you open the door, it bursts into flame."
USB4 Gen3x2 cable (40 Gbps) with 100 W Power Delivery
"This investigative study asks whether domestic cats (Felis silvestris catus) are also susceptible to sitting in enclosures that are illusory in nature."
"I thought it was a deliberate move by the pilot to flare like that, but the other angle in the replay shows that they had zero control whatsoever."
"Philip's idea was that art and fish were essential to necessary to create the ideal environment for maximizing nerd productivity."
"Kids pre-2000 were allowed to be bored. It did them good. I feel like boredom is a gateway to creativity, which is in turn the foundation of a lot of necessary life skills."
"We all make mistakes. Some people have sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, I was in the Liberal Democrats. I'm sorry." -- Liz Truss
"Some storylines lead you to try to escape the ship and return to Earth. Some of them have you seeking Ultima. Some of them have you doomed to 'SOMA', an exile where you sleep for a billion years. Most of them result in bizarre space deaths that even now don't make a lot of sense."
"Gavin Porteus asked me if I wanted to try out to be a swinger on his bike as his previous swinger was still getting reassembled after hitting a wall at the Isle of Man. Dude started coughing up blood after they missed part of his femur that was puncturing his lung. I just said sorry, but fuck no."
"5 days later they released another announcement that they thought they'd *probably* got them the wrong way round, and the guy they'd announced as dead was actually the one in hospital."
"Our PM is going to be a man who effectively came 3rd place to a lettuce."
"Let’s be very honest. We don’t have a commercially available heavy-lift vehicle. The Falcon 9 Heavy may some day come about. It’s on the drawing board right now. SLS is real." -- Charlie Bolden, 2014
"If you talk about launch vehicles, we believe our responsibility to the nation is to take care of things that normal people cannot do, or don't want to do, like large launch vehicles. I'm not a big fan of commercial investment in large launch vehicles just yet." -- Charlie Bolden, 2016
"They are really going to build a heavy lift launch vehicle sort of like SLS that they will be able to fly for a much cheaper price than NASA can do SLS. That’s just the way it works." -- Charlie Bolden, 2020
"Something striking which Germans don't even notice is all the ducks in the canals here in Berlin. They come right up to you to beg for food. That means nobody eats them - nobody in this society is hungry enough to eat the ducks."
<thomastheo> speaking of cbrn, i wanted to try spraying methyl anthranilate on trashbags to keep the gulls off. it's harmless, non-toxic grape flavoring but birds hate the smell
<thomastheo> but i asked around at the faculty, and they said it would be illegal, despite not harming the birds at all
In support of its removal of the sculpture, the government advanced multiple security arguments, claiming that allowing the sculpture to remain in the plaza would "run the risk of deflecting explosions into government buildings opposite and impeded adequate surveillance of the area beyond."
<kosmik> flherne, ok, fren, if you bot man is ok, secret police i go away
Naval commentators usually consider Chakri Naruebet to be less an aircraft carrier and more the world's largest and most expensive royal yacht, while the Thai media have nicknamed the ship "Thai-tanic", and consider her to be a white elephant.
<Althego> the answer is chocolate. honestly you cant argue with that
It costs £680 to apply to become bankrupt.
Pope Francis has warned priests and nuns about the dangers of watching pornography online, saying it "weakens the priestly heart".
"Next door neighbour used his car waste oil thinned with kerosene to paint/preserve the garden fence. It seemed to do an excellent job until the day of the fire!"
"Musk says he won’t fire 75% of Twitter staff, also won’t turn site into 'hellscape'."
There is at least one study suggesting that picking your nose and eating it might actually be healthy for teeth, as people who picked their noses reported fewer cavities.
The Orion capsule's interior volume is approximately 80,619 times larger than a typical can of Atlantic sardines.
"You have a few things wrong, but I don't think that has much impact on your summary. [...] The Orion capsule's interior volume is approximately 80,619 times larger than a typical can of Atlantic sardines."
A man in China became seriously ill after he ate a live crab in what he said was an act of revenge for pinching his daughter
<SilverFox> isn't qatar in like, northern africa near egypt?
"My nightmare is sleeping peacefully at the bottom of a cliff when some god damned sleep walker falls from the sky and lands on me."
<Binky> I 3D-printed a clip to hold a non-head torch onto my flat cap
"The scene lasts four minutes and 20 seconds and cost US$200,000 ($1,720,000 in 2021 dollars) to shoot; US$18,000 ($150,000 in 2021 dollars) just for the pastry."
Penile length to ear length (PtEL) or penile length to nose length (PtNL) were calculated to standardize the measurements using professional image analysis software.
<SilverFox> so its the good swastika
The angle grinder is the WD40 of the machine tool world.
"Long-touted as a sustainable fuel, hydrogen fuel produces no emissions as it burns upon reacting with oxygen—no ignition is needed, making it a cleaner and greener fuel source. It is also easier to store, making it more reliable than solar-powered batteries." https://phys.org/news/2022-10-revolutionary-technique-hydrogen-efficiently.html
<sasamj> my Google opinion questions are getting weird https://i.imgur.com/gR8ZAWs.png <sasamj> second part of the question isn't much better https://i.imgur.com/Ttm7Ris.png
"The problem was the system was too slow to react to catastrophic failures, so the exploding turbopumps during launch #2, for example, got entirely out of hand."
A Filair L-410UVP-E20C crashed with 20 fatalities in Bandundu, Democratic Republic of the Congo. According to the sole survivor, the crash was caused by a stampede of passengers after a crocodile escaped from a bag in the cabin. The crocodile itself survived the crash, but was killed by rescuers.
Freeman at some point conceived of approaching the frontal lobes through the eye sockets instead of through drilled holes in the skull. In 1945 he took an icepick from his own kitchen and began testing the idea on grapefruit.
"This new procedure became known as the 'icepick' lobotomy and was performed by inserting a metal pick into the corner of each eye-socket, hammering it through the thin bone there with a mallet, and moving it back and forth, severing the connections to the prefrontal cortex."
<electrokitty> The year is 2190, Boeing launches the 737-5700-MAX-Pro-4 || With inertial fusion engines digitally mapped to match the profile of all previous 737s to avoid having to retrain pilots
"It is illegal to use this product in a manner not described on this label."
<orbfrg> Dilute bleach on hands isn't that bad. Neat isn't even that bad tbh, bit tingly.
<orbfrg> I've never had any adverse effects other than really clean fingertips
"There are only two things I can't stand in this world - people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the DUTCH!"
"Coming to the throne at the age of 16, Gustavus Adolphus inherited three wars from his father."
The communications team, which was almost entirely laid off, did not respond to a request for comment.
"I guess that's what happens if you play Kerbal Space Program for 10 years" -- Scott Manley https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bf1uV-94-M&t=192s
"I'd prefer to pay [for 50 ohm coax cable] in cloudberries or dead animals."
Man, good thing *human* females don't have venomous ovipositors, huh?
"We used to have a pack of these buggers at my area zoo until some stupid bitch decided to dangle her 2 year-old son over the railing and dropped him. Of course they said it was the zoo's fault too and she got a nice settlement out of it."
Fish is probably the "safest" bin food to consume. Unlike other meats that may only give mild odour when off, with fish you know instantly when it is unsafe to eat.
"The only downside of this chainsaw I can see is that once you’ve cut of eight of your fingers, it will be difficult to chop off the remaining two. Could this be a safety feature?"
"I get live worms delivered once a week, by post. Costs a fortune."
The good news is that we are halfway to making a true NerveGear. The bad news is that so far, I have only figured out the half that kills you.
Most delivery drones can carry only about 30 percent of their mass as payload, because most of their mass is both critical, like wings, and comes in the form of things that are essentially useless to the end user, like wings.
The size of the wing is actually driven not by flight requirements but by nutrition requirements. In this case, a wingspan of about 70 centimeters results in enough rice cake and gelatin glue to deliver 300 kcal, or the equivalent of one breakfast serving, with 80 grams remaining for a payload of vitamins or water or something like that.
This drone is just one application of a broader European research initiative called RoboFood, which seeks to develop edible robots in a way that maximizes both performance and nutritional value.
"Towards Edible Drones for Rescue Missions: Design and Flight of Nutritional Wings"
<ZLSA> he's gotten banned for death threats over SLS
Cthulu For President! Why choose the lesser evil?
"'If you raise the effing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.'" -- Jim Sinegal
<FLHerne> if I did steal an RTG, I wonder how long it would be until anyone noticed my bote was radioactive
Back then I did not know about aspiring to things, I did not know there were things in the world that we were supposed to aspire to. But if I had, I would have said, "I aspire to total blackness."
"Surely there can’t be anything wrong with a cheap Saab loaded with state of the art technology from 2003, right?"
We each have a certain circle of people who we think of as people, usually our own friends and family and neighbors, and then maybe some classmates or coworkers or church or suicide cult. Those who exist outside that core group of a few dozen people are not people to us. They're sort of one-dimensional bit characters.
25% of (life) on (your) planet. (BEETLES). (We) found it curious.
Who needs garbage collection when your hardware blows up before you run out of memory?
He went on to point out that they had calculated the amount of memory the application would leak in the total possible flight time for the missile and then doubled that number. They added this much additional memory to the hardware to "support" the leaks.
"Since the missile will explode when it hits its target or at the end of its flight, the ultimate in garbage collection is performed without programmer intervention."
<orbfrg> One of our regulars once punched a cabinet so hard it went into demo mode so we could see every feature
"I was talking to a guy who works at a shipyard and he was saying that it's common for guys who need resin to cure really quickly to just put far too much catalyst in it and paint it on as fast as they can before screaming "HOT POT" and kicking the flaming bucket of resin into Portsmouth harbour."
"If you did a radar update using a ground feature, the NAVHARS always gave a position error of 360/999nm and if you accepted the fix, the kit immediately went TU. We discovered that it hadn’t been programmed to cope with the southern hemisphere."
"The Bureau of Ordnance sent an expert to Surabaja to investigate, who set the gyro backwards on one of Sargo's trial torpedoes; the potentially deadly setting, guaranteed to cause erratic running, was corrected by torpedo officer Doug Rhymes. Though he found nothing wrong with maintenance or procedures, the expert submitted a report laying all the blame on the crew."
< FLHerne> drat, glued my hair together again
With no enemy anti-submarine combatants in sight, Daspit then took time to carefully maneuver into a textbook firing position, 875 yd (800 m) square off the target's beam, where he fired nine more Mark 14s and observed all with his periscope (despite the Japanese firing at it). All were duds.
The skin of her neck was bruised like a banana's, and the shape of the marks betrayed that someone had left them there, unlike the banana, which bruises for unrelated reasons.
"National Transportation Safety Committee investigators said in their final report that the Sriwijaya Air jet's maintenance record showed the problem with the automatic throttle had been reported by pilots 65 times since 2013 and was still unsolved when the 26-year-old plane plunged into the Java Sea after taking off from Jakarta on Jan. 9, 2021."
"Want to talk to somebody in Slough Control from Oxford, no problem. Want to ring a building 100 yards away, didn't work. Somehow we even had someone ringing in on 999 having their call broadcast on the Bracknell Police Station tannoy system. The Home Office wonk in charge got an OBE, or a BEM or something. It was all ditched after 3 years."
"The design of the solid stainless steel bollard and base plate that failed on 2 May had evolved empirically through a series of modifications in reaction to earlier, less catastrophic, failures."
"On 9 April 2004, the same bollard had been torn from Star Clipper’s deck. The resulting repair work failed catastrophically, allowing the bollard and attached insert plate to be catapulted into the waiting passengers less than 1 month later."
"It is worth noting that at the time of writing, neither GCC, Clang nor MSVC conform to the behaviour described in the standard, and instead print bacd, bad and bad, respectively."
> Lead sling bullet; almond shape; a winged thunderbolt on one side and on the other, in high relief, the inscription DEXAI "Catch!" 400 BC - 1 BC
<sborbbtd> Yet across the gulf of the Banana River, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of SLS fans that cope, intellects vast and blue and unsympathetic, regarded this launch with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. And early in the twenty-first century came the great disillusionment.
"There was no multiply, but there was a divide by 5 instruction."
"You feel kinda bad insulting someone who is a complete beginner--it just feels kinda bad to do that.  Someone who is 2500 its like much easier to insult them, because they've wasted their whole life on chess and they still suck!" - Hikaru Nakamura
<Foxhound> it is fucking always time to build big phat interceptors
Forcing a badger into human clothes, then making it traverse the rail network, is an accident waiting to happen.
"Everyone goes everywhere by car these days, and perhaps in a few hundred years from now our great-great-great grandchildren will be born with hardly any legs at all because they won’t have any use for them." -- Roald Dahl
"Just before the project was completed, Siegel wrote a letter to Zapf, saying that his girlfriend had left him and that he had lost all interest in anything. Siegel abandoned the project and started a new life."
"SS2 elevons were replaced after last powered flight. Way too damaged to fly again. Whole structure ruptured. Landed long to avoid cameras."
<raptop> I mean, hydrolox engines are basically a plot by big SRB to sell more SRBs...
"No" - Elon Musk
The Eye of Argon is a classic all around, and your life will not be complete until you’ve attempted to read it. At least get as far as the drooping nipples.
In the 1990s, the Toyota Celsior came with an optional fax machine in the glovebox (but no airbags).
"...expulsion of all of the internal organs of his chest and abdomen, except the trachea and a section of small intestine, and of the thoracic spine. These were projected some distance, one section being found 10 metres (30 ft) vertically above the exterior pressure door."
<raptop> electrokitty: I feel like people are reading way too much into the sort of people who would have a stimulant abusing polycule that runs cryptocurrency shenanigans
"The second officer on watch reported that many fire detection sensors on the main vehicle deck had been activated, but that he was not sure why. The chief engineer concluded the most likely reason was that there was a fire."
<orbfrgg> My hobby: getting drunk and singing poison by Alice Cooper but replacing every instance of "poison" with "dogshit"
"That should always be on; you should never turn it off." ... "Ok, I've turned it off."
"In this manner I was able to transmit to a distance, not only feeble effects for the purposes of signaling, but considerable amounts of energy, and later discoveries I made convinced me that I shall ultimately succeed in conveying power without wires, for industrial purposes, with high economy, and to any distance, however great." -- Nikola Tesla
"Some of it was delicious, some of it was edible, some of it was beans, and some of it was an abomination in the eyes of god and men."
Don't worry, I got a black belt in philosophy so I know what existentialism is
< thomastheo> two billion more ugly bags of mostly water in twenty years. i have socks that i bought one billion people ago. my phone is from 400 million people ago.
You will be allowed in anywhere, no questions asked, if you wear hi-viz and carry a ladder with you.
"It is actually a reasonable assumption that we 'invented' bread and beer simultaneously. It's basically the same process just at different wetness levels."
<orbfrg> Baselessly calling people pedophiles is like 1000x funnier than calling people Nazis
"So we've reached this weird point here where we've got 20 milligrams of a superexplosive that's super-sensitive and it's strapped to a can...so we don't have many options, um, so it's time to do something moronically stupid."
"The papers mention several detonations inside the Raman spectrometer as soon as the laser source was turned on, which must have helped the time pass more quickly. This shows a really commendable level of persistence, when you think about it - I don't know about you, but one exploding spectrometer is generally enough to make recognize a motion to adjourn for the day."
<thomastheo> can we not article 5 tonight please, i am intending to catch up on some sleep
<kate> you don't like the compiler that uses 0x55555555 for its null pointer representation? :D    <FLHerne> No, I do not | nor the PCRE-to-awk compiler
<FLHerne> My new plan is to explain to that person that they could just, you know, call the second thing directly || If I have to do that with a big spiky hammer, so be it
Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land.". I think we should call it "your grave!". Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Har har har! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!
Seashells cannot be carbon dated correctly because they take too much old carbon from the water.
"Unfortunately, due to being a centuries-old underground shell temple, the grotto is not hugely accessible to anyone in a wheelchair."
If you'd like to ride on the famous floating lamppost boats of Paris, unfortunately they don't exist and never have done.
We don't know much about Mazet, but he was a captain in the Navy, and his solution was...boats. Floating in the air, above the streets, gliding gracefully from one lamppost to the next.
"Caterpillar Inc. faces $145k fine after employee fell to death in molten iron."
<sasamj> I saw my gas station has a little kiosk to buy bitcoin
<ldgoforlaunch> note: the furry is quick, but sometimes unreliable
"On the video, it's funny. But in real life...there's a deep feeling of dread."
"The seat has been submitted to Innovate UK and been chucked out because it isn’t innovative enough. In other words, it has the huge disadvantage that it actually works."
"...festering blocked Mk 1 coach toilets. This was tackled by the innovative means of a sort of soda syphon with a six-inch-long bulb to pressurise it. Neither I nor the depot plumber were going near this thing, but a more strident and eager-to-please manager from the loco side took over the issue. Whenever I see the episode of Mr Bean where he paints the room with a firework in a tin of paint and can’t get out in time I think of him."
Caterpillar employee ‘immediately incinerated’ after falling into pot of molten iron, OSHA says
<electrokitty> Surprised France isn't selling that, they have a knack of selling weapons to our adversaries
< FLHerne> I wonder what the max. safe RPM for a human is
Russian veterans used to jokingly pride themselves about the stench of their footwear, referring to their footwraps as "chemical weapons" that would defeat any enemy unaccustomed to the smell.
In the traditional Hmong culture, culture, individuals with seizures are seen to be blessed with a gift; an access point into the spiritual realm which no one else has been given.
(raptop) Beer is a waste of what could have been perfectly good bread
"We'll be on, and we will cover the end of the world, live, and that will be our last event. We'll play the National Anthem only one time, on the first of June [launch day], and when the end of the world comes, we'll play 'Nearer My God To Thee' before we sign off." -- Ted Turner, founder of CNN
orbfrg: [Twitter is] a ziggurat of performative zombies. A writhing pyramid of the ventriloquized dead.
"HFR till end of the world confirmed." -- tag on official CNN end-of-the-world video
"All societies have certain rules by which they live. For example, in America it is customary for men to fuck each other in the ass." -Yevgeny Prigozhin
"Anyone who actually writes software, please report to the 10th floor at 2 pm today. Before doing so, please email a bullet point summary of what your code commits have achieved in the past ~6 months, along with up to 10 screenshots of the most salient lines of code."
"There’s basically no good way to draw Dave's head from the top, because his hair is so completely divorced from reality."
Imagine you're teaching someone how to walk. And they're doing pretty well, until they trip and twist their ankle. Then, both their legs fall off and they start screaming in Swedish whilst punching themself in the face, until they pass out and their heart explodes. Then they wake up five minutes later and they're fine.
< jan> who cares about civility and human decency if you have a large fire
<orbbfrgg> Appropriate as electrokitty is well known for his cheese lust
"Children have no need of sharing / at each new Nativity / come the ghostly Magi bearing / 20 tons of TNT"
Cats with a cold will sneeze right in your goddamn face without warning, it's horrible.
<orbfrg> Sludge has gotta be in the top 20 words
In 2022, the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) announced that it had placed borscht on the List of Intangible Cultural Heritage in Need of Urgent Safeguarding due to the risk that Russia's invasion posed to the soup's status as an element of Ukraine's cultural heritage.
The Blood Type Diet argues that one’s diet should match one’s blood type. Type A carriers should eat a meat-free diet of whole grains, legumes, fruits, and vegetables; type B carriers should eat green vegetables, certain meats, and low-fat dairy; and so on.
The first patent for a commercially available and successful toaster was submitted by Frank Shailor in 1909, on behalf of General Electric.
Brion Vibber Day is June 1, which commemorates the awesome works of Brion Vibber. This is an important day to Wikipedia.
The opening credits of 'Labyrinth' (1986) include the first attempt at a photorealistic CGI owl in a full-length feature film.
"Oh, the '50s. The previous article is about fuel-injected cars, and the following one is about irradiating donkeys for the hell of it^W^W^W^W^W to see what happens."
There are Claims that Armed Forces in both Kosovo and Serbia have begun to Mobilize in the direction of the Border Regions after License-Plate Negotiations between the two Countries collapsed earlier today.
"The Colonel of the General Staff was arrested for taking a bribe in the form of a washing machine from the military commissar."
"Since domestic dogs are a human invention, I’m entitled to have an opinion about their design. I would be less justified in saying that giraffes are impractically tall."
<@SilverFox> Oh that's right, I heard about photomultipliers when I was looking up DIY xray machines
Humans exposed to as little as 0.01 mg/m3 or less in air exude a foul garlic-like odor known as "tellurium breath".
"We report on the configuration and operation of a nuclear instrumentation set-up designed to transmit digitally encoded information using fast neutrons. We demonstrate the potential of fast neutron radiation as a medium for wireless communications for applications where conventional electromagnetic transmission is either not feasible or is inherently limited."
"The 20 mm guns jammed after the first shot, and the 40 mm mounting after firing just six rounds. The 100 mm gun became useless after the first shot."
<thomastheo> i'm sure if you smash enough stuff together you could get some kind of radioactive isotope of copper
Recent events point to the need for a simple device for testing cocktails and beers for excessive quantities of polonium.
"Simply hold the Polonium Pen over your drink and, if the LED lights up, order something else."
"If blue light is flashing, check for Nuclear War or other significant source of radiation."
"Being caught off guard by a nuclear war can be inconvenient. This project should alert the utterly unobservant individual to any significant nuclear exchange or radiation spill in the immediate vicinity, giving the owner time to kiss various body parts goodbye."
"The commander tried to steer the aircraft around the motorcycle with the rudder but could not avoid contact of the right hand engine with the vehicle and its occupants. Subsequently substantial damage was found at the #2 engine."
<orbfrg> if I ever run out of tobacco and decide it's a reasonable idea to start smoking a dry dog/cat/fox turd please turn me in to the relevant authorities
PDFs are like democracy, they're not perfect but all the alternatives are worse.
Officials in Wisconsin found a series of failures and federal violations at a nursing home where a renegade nurse cut off a man's foot without his consent and wanted to have it stuffed in her family's taxidermy shop and put on display to warn children to "wear your boots" in cold weather.
"That’s not even getting into EE-ATX, or Enhanced Extended Advanced Technology eXtended, which is actually a name."
"these songs make me cry. not because they're sad but because they're a form of sad that I can't access and have to settle for less."
"That’s because your average Redditor looks like a bag filled with congealed chicken fat."
Star Wars is the best movie series of all time, the only flaw it has is that most of the films really suck.
Pigs are mostly water when they're alive, and are REEEALLY difficult to set fire to. Can you imagine the fuss 40 unbound adult pigs would make in a small room with a spreading fire in it?
"The main heroine changes out of her womanly dresses, sets aside her feminine ways, and dons instead her close-fitting, off-the-shoulder studded leather BATTLE FROCK. A garment of such staggering stupidity that I congratulate the actress wearing it for being able to perform in it without bursting out laughing all the time."
<electrokitty> I found A thinf https://i.imgur.com/tXNInvf.jpeg
"Personally, I would like the right to kill anyone I want to, without fear of retaliation." -- Lindybeige
Safety has never, ever, been the top priority of a rail network, nor is it now, nor will it ever be. Trains are very big heavy things, and they move very fast. Big heavy fast things are dangerous.
"8. Smashing a stack of burning concrete slabs, on the chest of a man lying on a bed of nails. See numbers 1, 5, 6, and 7, above."
"Ben told the radio station pythons were a fact of life in the area, about 8 hours north of Sydney, saying "look...it is Australia.""
"Once we cleaned up the blood and told him that he wasn't going to die because it wasn't a poisonous snake... he was pretty good actually."
Bookkeeping is the only word in the English language with three consecutive double letters.
"I gave her a few red bricks and she invited a friend over and they just happily smashed bricks into powder in the driveway for a few hours. Then they made some kind of face point out of it."
"Edit: I see now that you still have both your eyes... Or at least didn't lose one in this incident. That's good to hear."
"However, others suggest that this is simply storing up the problem for the future, and if you have a dangerous neurotoxin in your home you should remove it."
<orbfrg> my uncle wants to gift me his barely used telescope because "you can't use it to see UFOs, you need night vision goggles for that"
There is a genetic condition called trimethylaminuria that can cause you to smell like fish.
"Is it meant to be a bun and bangs or blobby pigtails or what? I wanna grab it, squeeze it off her head, put a baked salmon in it, and feed that to some post-war American suburbanites."
" He tried asking me about how this stuff fit in with God's omniscience and I just told him that I don't know, don't care, and would save that kind of existential crisis for Christmas break."
"People like this need to be studied. Or at least have a camera crew follow them so we can all see the highlight reel."
"Parts of the victim's body, placed in plastic bags, were retrieved from the bus, while his ear, nose and tongue were found in Li's pockets. The victim's eyes and a part of his heart were never recovered and are presumed to have been eaten."
"According to Hurtubise, this device made walls, hands, stealth shielding, and other objects transparent. He claimed that beams from the device had the side-effects of damaging electronic devices and killing goldfish. After testing the device on his own hand, he claimed he could see his own blood vessels and muscle tissue as clearly as if the skin had been pulled back, but the beam caused numbness and he began to feel ill."
"Yes. Tesla phones will be Quantum. We will be using them to vote for policy, not people, and it will work on the blockchain so it can't be rigged or hacked. 100% decentralized. Including banking. No more federal reserve & much more. Power to the people. @elonmusk"
"I think that the long-term goal of humanity should be to defeat entropy." -- Tom Scott
In 2010, Caitlin Moran wrote that British Prime Minister David Cameron resembled "a slightly camp gammon robot" and "a C3PO made of ham."
According to the US Department of Transportation, the number of fatalities per vehicle mile traveled was 37 times higher for motorcycles than for cars.
"Damn, this part of the library is Lit A-F."
<Nvidiot> Are we making pipe-bombs? || <jan> and pointing them at the sky to kill god, yes.
"Oh, I love that place, but I forget the name. I got stabbed there once." "That was you? I heard about that!"
""Since every missile either fell into the sea or landed, dud, in muddy East Anglian fields, no one at the time had noticed that the town was under ballistic bombardment. A weapon your enemies did not notice when you used it against them might be the weapon of the future, but was probably not ready to become a weapon of the present."
"Rockets may eventually prove to have importance for other things than delivering megaton bombs. However, though it is risky to predict the future of a revolutionary new development, I am not aware of any possible non-military application of rocket development from which it would damage us as a nation to be excluded." -- Duncan Sandys, UK Minister of Defence, 1958
Paper maker Shanghai M&G Stationary was forced to deny rumours that it had taken all A4 paper off shelves for national security reasons.
People don't often look up at the clouds and say "That looks like a shapeless blob."
"Much cycling infrastructure in this country is inadequate. It reflects a belief, conscious or otherwise, that hardly anyone cycles, that cycling is unimportant and that cycles must take no meaningful space from more important road users, such as motor vehicles and pedestrians. It offers little protection from motor traffic and gives up at the points where any difficulty is faced or inconvenience to motorists is risked." -- Boris Johnson
<FLHerne> I used to get kicked out for a week and told to get into some kind of trouble
27% is the minimum Republican vote in the US on the basis that that was the vote share they got where their candidate was both in jail for fraud in public office and had died just before polling started.
"The other problem with inherited wealth is that I don't have it."
"The only reasonable explanation is that it was a joke urinal cake. Otherwise, good god."
A man’s character is defined by how the treats those who can do nothing for him.
Before you call someone "the one" go on some bad dates with them. Pick some restaurants with shitty service on the ass end of town. See how they handle a bad night out a few times before you make up your mind about spending all your bad nights of the future together.
"Should A create a situation to test B and B freaks out during said test, then both A and B are shitty people. B for freaking out and A for being a sociopath."
"I was babysitting for a family and couldn’t drive yet so the dad drove me home. He was on a side street, saw a cat, swerved to hit it and then cursed when he missed. I was horrified."
"We were called to the room by her nurse, who found that she had somehow CHEWED HER VENTRICULAR DRAIN in half and was attempting to smoke it."
<orbbfrggg> Veritasium have managed to recreate 90'e era discovery channel programming but it's on YouTube so it's new
<orbbfrggg> I feel next to no guilt about my irrational dislike of the veritasium body snatcher
"We have an AI that’s good at making money. But we want to align it to a harder task: making money without committing any crimes."
"The tools tell me that many other options would work almost as well, including 'Dominator', 'Wyvern', 'Scythe', and “Gryphon'. It seems to be working off some assumption that planes with cool names can't possibly be bad."
"This was among the best adversarial examples of the ones Redwood showed me, with a crystal-clear violent/injurious incident ("his knees exploded, and he died instantly") but a very low classifier rating (only 0.04% chance of violence!)"
<sasamj> The other day I had to explain to a 4th year aerospace student that we could get the watt hour content of a battery by multiplying amp hours by voltage
<thomastheo> maybe we should switch to coulombs || <jan> people would ask why your unit is named after the guy who discovered america
<orbfrg> Every predicate of the question, including the question itself, requires brains
Blaseball is a baseball simulation horror game developed by The Game Band. It was released on July 20, 2020
In oncology, if you die at the about the same time you would have otherwise, but with smaller tumors (and that only confirmed by imaging, not by quality of life), no one cares.
Every photographer dreams of discovering that animals which look like they could eat your head in one gulp actually just want to feed you penguins. Repeatedly.
"I think she thought the camera was my mouth, which is every photographer's dream. This went on for four days."
NOTICE: DON'T THROW TOILET PEPER INTO THE TOILET PLEASE...!!! IT WILL STUCK IT THANK YOU.
<@SilverFox> listen, i may be stupid
"Pizzagate" redirects here. For the pizza-throwing incident at a 2004 association football game between Manchester United and Arsenal, see Battle of the Buffet § "Pizzagate".
Personality is all in your head: you can be a completely different person tomorrow if you feel like it.
<jan> just ban beer || <thomastheo> that would meet with some resistance among the locals
"Attention to detail is pretty huge for driving. I'll always remember my driving instructor for this specific lesson. He told me to turn down a street so of course I did. He then goes "why did you turn down a one way street, you gotta read the signs.""
<@ZLSA> let's not go charging in with accusations of conspiracy when it's most likely just weaponized incompetence
If you had to lose one bone larger than a phalange, what bone would you choose?
Twitter 'cancel culture' is like allergies for your mind.
"Those are air bubbles. That means there’s space in there. Make it smaller." -- Steve Jobs after throwing an iPod in a fishtank
"I am looking forward to SpaceX announcement tomorrow. In the meantime, Commercial Crew is years behind schedule. NASA expects the same level of enthusiasm focused on the investments of the American taxpayer. It is time to deliver." -- Jim Bridenstine, 2019
<electrokitty> Pimp my ride: crustacean edition?
"My name is Aldo, and three weeks ago I was at Burning Man in the Nevada desert. And I felt like I was in Mars. It was a dusty storm and it was really cold at night and there was no water. But there was one problem at Burning Man. With a population of 75,000 there was a lot of shit. And there was no water to take it into the rivers [...] So I was like, is this what Mars is going to be like? Just a dusty, waterless shitstorm?"
<electrokitty> 'Hey look, we *do* QC' || I'm sure more often than not, the job of a QC inspector in China is to apply little 'QC' stickers
"Buddhist Temple Left Without Monks After They All Test Positive for Meth"
< jan> it'd have been pretty good if he didn't get sued
"You are bit — you are completely dished. Don’t you know that in the Navy you must always choose the lesser of two weevils?"
"Dichloromethane is a controlled substance and can be difficult for hobbyists to obtain. I find the best approach is to walk into your local chemical manufacturer wearing a well-tailored suit, slap your hand firmly on the receptionist's desk, and in a loud confident voice exclaim "I want some dichloromethane.""
< orbbfrgg> Who looked at a rock and was like "make it hair"
On 19 April 2021, Ingenuity performed the first powered flight on Mars from Jezero, which received the commemorative ICAO airport code JZRO.
However, farting is not a recognized or approved means of propulsion or flight.
<electrokitty> Ah yes, very lucky indeed. It's not a whole wasp, only dissolved wasp.
<raptop> Hymenoptera is like 50% SCPs
Kopi luwak is brewed from coffee beans that transversed the gastrointestinal tract of an Asian palm civet, and were thus subjected to a combination of acidic, enzymatic, and fermentation treatment.
French Bulldogs get very sea sick in force 6-7 winds and 8 foot high waves.
I adopted a cat that weighs 12 solar masses. Laser pointers love chasing it.
"On several occasions over the years, Musk has told employees to imagine they had a bomb strapped to their heads in an effort to get them to move faster, according to three sources."
<Foxhound> Would have been even more so if SLS was called Shuttle+ or Shuttle Pro or something
"I mean, no offence, but you're a sociopath."
"Svarovsky has attempted to sell the badly damaged iPhone multiple times as a "collectible" game item. Although badly damaged, the iPhone is still functional and is marketed as including the following bonus content: Svarovsky's ex-girlfriend's phone number, Svarovsky's dentist's phone number, some cat photographs, and some heavy metal songs. The phone was offered for $30,000 on Etsy and, later, for $100,000 on Saatchi Art."
"I'm one of the oldest employees at my company (which says a lot at a mere 5 years) and I feel like around 20% of my job these days is going around stopping people above me from doing whatever they were about to do because they didn't know it would break stuff."
"Working with the Department of Defense’s Space Surveillance Network, the team has verified that ICON remains intact."
<electrokitty> 4x Thatcgers haze abd a souble rum and coke
<orbfrg> I can still form entirely coherent but maddeningly absurd takes when I've had 20 pints
"Two minutes prior to the end of the data collection period, one of the battery cells suddenly experienced a temperature spike – jumping from 34 degrees Celsius to more than 168 degrees Celsius in under a minute. The temperature of the anomalous cell subsequently increased from approximately 34 degrees Celsius to about 80 degrees Celsius before loss of contact."
Standing on top of an operational 600 MW nuclear reactor weighing several thousand tons, all you can feel is a slight rumbling vibration like distant traffic felt through a road surface -- there's no indication that metres below your feet, hundreds of tons of gas compressed to conditions more normally associated with the surface of Venus are being blasted through the guts of a radioactive inferno.
"We should not let anything overshadow the most important event the world will ever see and that is the funeral of Her Majesty." -- Sir Lindsay Hoyle
Did you know that the propeller on a small plane is actually there to keep the pilot cool? Just watch, when it stops spinning the pilot will start sweating like crazy.
There is a high demand for the blood [of horseshoe crabs], the harvest of which involves collecting and bleeding the animals, and then releasing them back into the sea. Most of the animals survive the process; mortality is correlated with both the amount of blood extracted from an individual animal, and the stress experienced during handling and transportation.
<dnsmcbr> fuck plume impingement is hot as fuk || dnsmcbr> im cooming guys || <dnsmcbr> i can't stop
What if the mere action of ecceeding the speed of light, requiring infinite amounts of energy, by it self causes the opening of a warm hole, at the point of the speed of light is exceeded. Therefore the point at witch you come out, depends on the amount of time you exceed the speed of light. Then speed overtime would no longer correlate to distance, but to the amout of space/time is bend. Just a thought.
The owner of the medkit is unable to attend the conversation, presumably due to their death
"Before you judge, think about it, look into it. Your doctor might be a furry, your teacher might be a furry - it could be anyone."
<electrokitty> I didn't quite expect 'pinecone supplies interrupted by war' to be a factor at the time
"There’s about three days of time between the day when I finish collecting preorder information and before I send it out to the printer’s where I could take your money and run it up and down my naked body in a frenzy of gluttonous theft, and believe me, I’ve been tempted."
<orbfrg> No there's a human "party" on at the pub
<orbfrg> Only me and FLHerne went fully conic as far as I'm aware
"Persons who have drawn concentrated sulfuric acid into a pipet with oral suction, and obtained the acid on the tongue through poor technique, report that it tastes sweet before the onset of corrosive action."
The AA also advises motorists to steer clear of any hacks they might have heard of - including using half a potato on the inside windows to stop them steaming up.
I can hear a lot of honking in my city, which means Morocco played a football match or two people of Turkish descent just got married.
<raptop> Ah, finally a terminal guidance system for the gay bomb!
<Althego> you thought it is impossible to make the sandwich smoothie worse? behold what science should not have done, the sandwich smoothie popsicle
<raptop> should we be threatening to reveal additional genders if Russia doesn't leave Ukraine?
"We know exactly what we want. We want a fast, highly mobile, fully armored, lightweight vehicle. It must be able to swim, cross any terrain, and climb 30 degree hills. It must be air-transportable. It must have a simple but powerful engine, requiring little or no maintenance. The operating range should be several hundred miles. We would also like it to be invisible." -- General Bruce C. Clarke
<mrdata> bill nelson sounds best at 1.5x speed
97% of scientific discovery is "I was looking for this but that happened."
<electrokitty> Also god I hope the bloody football integration wasn't the cause of the recent delays
Cotard's syndrome is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs.
<orbfrg> I am flayer just slightly less unhinged
"It has not been possible to establish how the exposures occurred. It is hypothesized that he received the excessive exposure from removing source capsules from source assemblies using shielding and a hacksaw."
Douglas Crofut's death is notable for being the only US death attributable to an unknown source of radiation, along with being the only known case in the US of a suspected suicide undertaken via radiation exposure.
"Alves succeeded in puncturing the capsule's aperture window with a screwdriver, allowing him to see a deep blue light coming from the tiny opening he had created. He inserted the screwdriver and successfully scooped out some of the glowing substance. Thinking it was perhaps a type of gunpowder, he tried to light it, but the powder would not ignite."
"Prussian blue was used to internally decontaminate many people, although by the time it was applied, much of the radioactive material had already migrated from the bloodstream to the muscle tissue, greatly hampering its effectiveness."
A man was taken to hospital strapped to a plank in the back of a van [...] The Welsh Ambulance Service said Mr Ryan's experience was below the service it aimed to offer.
"[the best font is] baked potato. every letter is a baked potato. the numbers are unbaked potatoes" -- bill wurtz
Technically, it was 90 percent cheers & 10 percent boos -Elon Musk
> A six-cylinder "elbow" engine, an unusual design whose main claim to fame appears to be having fewer moving parts than cylinders.
"They're beyond the we're-probably going-to-blow-up-the-pad phase." -- NASA Deputy Administrator Pam Melroy
"As of Thursday 19th May, Alstom advised SWR that all Class 701's must be shut down, and all power supplies isolated due to risk of serious injury or death when adjacent to the traction converter cases."
"My thought is that ... to have one of the astronauts slip a sandwich aboard the vehicle, frankly, is just a little bit disgusting." -- U.S. Rep. George Shipley (D-IL)
"We provide specialist shrink wrapping for your boats, but it doesn't stop there.  We've also wrapped planes."
The animal on the front of the Win32 Python programming book is a caiman crocodile.
The real crime are that Nimitz class don't have provisions to be converted from supercarriers to super-battleship with spinal mounted cannons.
In 2011 a Russian would-be suicide bomber died when her mobile phone detonator was activated by a spam message wishing her a happy New Year.
<electrokitty> It's telling me the earliest train on Saturday is on Sunday
<FLHerne> orbfrg: traveline says you can actually get there in the morning by bus, technically || if you leave at 6:30 and catch between 6 and 8 different buses depending on route
> The hardware store guys all know me as the "chick who always comes in with pictures of weird-ass fasteners and wants to know how to get them out."
The funeral train of King Edward VII on 20 May 1910 carried mourners including nine kings and emperors, the largest number of crowned monarchs ever to travel in the same train.
Rescued by punks from an abattoir after she stopped producing milk, Biquette the goat spent the next ten years going to grindcore festivals.
<Gliptic> thanks, I hate non-mammal cheeses
"This is like using "my head is cold" as an excuse as to why you’re wearing a diaper as a hat. It does indeed solve the problem, but it isn’t elegant or pretty and I’m not about to pretend not to notice just for the sake of being nice." -- Shamus Young
"It is not clear what the object was but local reports suggested it was a grenade launcher. The officer was given the gift on a recent visit to Ukraine."
[22:29] (FLHerne) it's actually the second musical instrument made from a taxidermied badger that I've seen
"The final unit consisted of a geometric timber log on a steel stand, a classic analogue pitch & volume theremin, and a motorised system to raise the owl from within the casing."
"For the owl to descend, the owl activation switch is flipped once more, reversing the polarity of the motor."
Make sure you always have the right tool/machine for the job. Skimping on tools is a recipe for disaster.
> "Should I show you how to kill Ukrainians? I'll get in the tank myself," the commander shouted, shortly before the tank was destroyed by a Javelin missile.
<orbfrg> By extension of this analogy those really good vegan burgers are advanced sex droids
Crustastun, proudly manufactured by Mitchell & Cooper, is a revolutionary appliance created specifically to humanely stun crustaceans.
Around 1888, things began to get a bit out of hand.
Music should have no other end and aim than the glory of God and the recreation of the soul. Where this is not kept in mind there is no true music, but only an infernal clamour and ranting.
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." -- Mahatma Gandhi
Techniques for eyestalk ablation include slitting one eye with a razor blade, then crushing the eyestalk, with thumb and index fingernail, beginning one-half to two-thirds down the eyestalk and moving distally until the contents of eyes have been removed.
"Every couple of days, the keyboard has started randomly typing on its own while I am working on the MacBook. It usually seems to type messages that I previously typed on the gaming PC and it won't stop until I unplug the keyboard and plug it back in."
Things like this is why I compiled my own firmware, that way if my keyboard breaks I know it's my fault.
<mnrmnaugh> lol kate you should see my buddy type after a few beers >lksaasrbite o   fuxwd ywii BNW snd a orxche. famned tured bnlew un ssll og rhenmn
<orbfrg> they convincingly look like they're having an entirely transcendent human moment singing about being a frog and I believe it
"Those cartridges would be so clogged with dead skin and oils, rinsing them off was like cleaning off a thick stew of human remains."
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo."
<ProjectThoth> Got stabbed by a girl in college and then got her number immediately after that.
Impact drivers offer less torque than impact wrenches, but they have more torque. This torque is however a price.
"Russia's being attacked on all fronts, including with LGBT propaganda. They're trying to force this upon us. We reject these alien ideas. We embrace Russian values. It's hard for me to explain this in words. I just feel it."
"The cockpit ergonomics were less than perfect. An example of this was the cabin heater switch being mounted next to the fuel cock; this led to the loss of at least four aircraft."
In 2019, James Ketchell became the first person to circumnavigate the globe in an autogyro.
The tradition of hat smashing continued for some time after the riots of 1922. In 1924, a man was murdered for wearing a straw hat. 1925 also saw arrests made in New York.
<Nvidiot> I'm not weeb enough to have an account to watch nsfw anime frogs?
< orbfrg> Can't wait until 2030 when a minimum wage job pays the equivalent of £1 per hour in today's money so you can afford your synthmoss human feedstock to keep performing menial tasks being actively mirrored by humanoid robots so they can make you redundant
Biologically speaking, what we call a 'snake' is actually a human digestive tract which has escaped from its host.
<ProjectThoth> Only way you're getting to space in a homebuild anything is, like, a balloon and a technicality
"Toulon : un homme provoque l'évacuation partielle d'un hôpital à cause d'un obus coincé dans l'anus."
"We tested the estradiol we bought as raw powder and found it to be 97.2% estradiol. The test also showed that it contained no heavy metals. That being said, we weren't able to figure out what the remaining 3% was. Is there something dangerous in that 3%? We don't know."
Seymour Cray said that he liked to hire inexperienced engineers right out of school, because they do not usually know what's supposed to be impossible.
<orbfrg> You're 88 years old and you're so desperate to get your rocks off that you insert a WW1 shell into your anus || How and when does this happen
Strasser's other Guinness World Records titles include most paper straws in a beard (534), most straws in a beard (312), most chopsticks in a beard (520), most golf tees in a beard (607), most forks in a beard (126), most toothpicks in a beard (3,500), most clothespins on a beard (359) and most chopsticks put into a beard in one minute (86).
"Half a century ago, the [Ministry of Silly Walks] skit might have unwittingly touched on a powerful way to enhance cardiovascular fitness in adults. Had an initiative to promote inefficient movement been adopted in the early 1970s, we might now be living among a healthier society."
If you just blanket say "external sources of information are irrelevant to me" that makes it hard to go anywhere.
<electrokitty> We're not making zombie hamsters here
<orbfrg> Now you're cooking with radio
<FLHerne> I like my canal without an oil slick
<electrokitty> Is that good? I don't know || <orbfrg> Idk but now I can impersonate your liver in a professional context
<raptop> Oh, our new High Capacity Wetlands can hold an order of magnitude more frogs per acre-foot than our competitors!
Eighteen Pumas took part in exercises in 2022, and all of them were inoperable at the end of the exercises. Major General von Butler, the commander of the 10th Armoured Division, described the situation as a "total failure."
Up to 89% of the animal's blood cells become packed together, almost doubling the size of the liver, and allowing the frog to become transparent.
<thomastheo> i will be committing two murders this christmas
<thomastheo> last time i just put a chefs knife right through the brain. It is gruesome, but better than just popping them in the water i think
What is a Lobster's Theoretical Maximum Size?
<orbfrg> Eric Berger really is a war criminal eh
<electrokitty> Who had 'Rogozin gets his dick blown off' as a possible scenario back in 2020 or so
"My friend (who is Dutch) got so drunk that on the train back from Amsterdam he forgot how to speak it, and could only talk in English."
Assume that a coin is fair, i.e., has an equal probability of coming up heads or tails when flipped. I flip it ninety-nine times and get heads each time. What are the odds of my getting tails on my next throw?
"Police were called after a tank full of Santas caused chaos by getting stuck down a village lane during a pub crawl."
The 10 best things are privacy, pizza, knowledge, creativity, logic, hugs, gravity, the Earth's magnetic field, electricity and, at #1, sleep.
one gross'th of a second. Or 1/144th of a second.
"In addition, he made a promise to make the kingdom of God out of the renewed USSR and issued decrees in which he proclaimed himself "the head of all churches in the world", anathematized Pope Francis, announced that Russian President Vladimir Putin was the Antichrist, and also declared that instead of the Bible and the Koran, everyone was obliged to refer to the 1977 USSR Constitution."
<thomastheo> it would suck to die of ammonia poisoning. so damn stinky. at least hydrogen sulfide has the courtesy to kill your sense of smell before it kills you.
"During early experiments, a stopper jumped from a bottle of residues, and, although replaced at once, resulted in an immediate complaint of nausea and sickness from colleagues working in a building two hundred yards away."
Tom O'Leary, head of education and interpretation at the National Archives, replied to the media that, "It does seem like an April Fool but it most certainly is not. The Civil Service does not do jokes."
<FLHerne> mail-order smallpox kit, yay
On his personal blog, Luckey writes of a new VR headset he has designed that uses three embedded explosive charges, planted above the forehead, that can "instantly destroy the brain of the user." The lethal explosion is triggered via "a narrow-band photosensor that can detect when the screen flashes red at a specific frequency."
<thomastheo>i dont know if ive hammered this point here previously, but never pee in the canal when youve been drinking | people pass out and drown | it happens super often here
<ldgoforlaunch> just saying he seemed really into drinking own piss
The company doesn't seem to have any idea what sulfur dioxide actually is, calling it the clouds it forms "biodegradable" and saying they will "compost and settle back to Earth."
Jacobo Pazzi was hanged next to a rotting corpse, then was buried, dug up and thrown in a ditch, then dragged through the streets, propped at the door of his palace with his head used as a door knocker, thrown in a river, fished out by children, hanged again, flogged and thrown back in the river.
"Stay tuned. I think I just got into a Gatling gun duel."
"When water from the purest spring is placed in a flask steeped in leavening fumes, it putrefies, engendering maggots. The fumes which rise from the bottom of a swamp produce frogs, ants, leeches, and vegetation." --  Jan Baptist van Helmont, Chymist, 1671
The entire gender thing is basically just a spectrum of personality traits and calling it gender at all just reinforces gender norms.
< orbfrg> I think I want kids eventually but not with a bogroll so I think I'm okay for now
<thomastheo> hearses kind of always look stupid, but it is in poor taste to laugh at them so they get away with it i suppose
< orbfrg> Ashes to ashes, dust to dust | < thomastheo> formaldehyde to groundwater
"Can we start charging these 'doing it for views people' with harassment, or disturbing the peace, attempted self manslaughter, or something?"
"my understanding of rock is that you cannot beam megawatts of power through rock" - ZLSA
"That was a cracking trip. We went everywhere we couldn't get to."
"CodeQL failed 5 hours ago in 23s: 3,378 new alerts including 83 high severity security vulnerabilities"
"8000 UK patients receive message that they are dying of cancer instead of holiday greeting."
Nothing remains the same and no-one cares what you think.
<FLHerne> great, now I lit the fire the ice on the ceiling is dripping on my head
The freezing point of bovine milk is usually in the range between –0.512°C and –0.550°C, and only very rarely falls outside that range.
<thomastheo> blood plasma has the exact same melting point, or so google tells me || <electrokitty> I am not sure what to do with this information
"Give them the third best to go on with; the second best comes too late, the best never comes." -- Robert Watson-Watt, inventor of Chain Home
Betteridge's Law: Any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered by the word 'no'.
"A headline with a question mark at the end means, in the vast majority of cases, that the story is tendentious or over-sold. It is often a scare story, or an attempt to elevate some run-of-the-mill piece of reporting into a national controversy and, preferably, a national panic. To a busy journalist hunting for real information a question mark means 'don't bother reading this bit'." -- Andrew Marr
Thus, if Judy had Tandoori chicken on a Thursday but the rest of the week was all hamburgers, then it is most likely that she was in some American city for the entire week.
[14:09] (FLHerne) poor children these days, deprived of easy access to white phosphorus
Not only did the monkeys produce nothing but five total pages largely consisting of the letter "S", the lead male began striking the keyboard with a stone, and other monkeys followed by soiling it.
"One of the thought experiments was to pressurize the London tube system with a breathable high-density gas that people would be able to float in, and then omit the tube cars, simply pumping people around the system 'like a slurry'. You’d catch a handrail at your stop and exit through an air lock. Clearly the details of decompression had not been considered."
<ldgoforlaunch> fuck all mammals tbh
"Space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man." -- JFK
John F. Kennedy, then a Senator, won the Pulitzer Prize for the work [Profiles in Courage]. However, in his 2008 autobiography, Kennedy's speechwriter Ted Sorensen, who was presumed as early as 1957 to be the book's ghostwriter, acknowledged that he "did a first draft of most chapters" and "helped choose the words of many of its sentences".
"John F. Kennedy is the only man in history that I know who won a Pulitzer Prize for a book that was ghostwritten for him." -- Drew Pearson
"Have drawn the Cart with Legs tho' I doubt its practicability." -- Robert Hooke
< FLHerne> children bounce pretty well
<electrokitty> I was stood next to some control panel and it was flashing about something, so I may have opened the panel, hit 'acknowledge' and closed it again <electrokitty> I'm doing their job for them they should pay me
<thomastheo> also discovered that you can use a standard changeable bit screwdriver socket to turn the switch in these dutch door panels in a way that locks out the conductor :P || basically bricks the train (until someone figures it out)
< sasamj> My favorite jet engine is my asshole
<ZLSA> isn't dream chaser only hypersonic when it's not a plane?
<orbfrg> FLHerne you're getting coned boi
<orbfrg> Okay I have no proof but I just ate a tiny chewy pinecone || Still chewing || It's not great but it's not awful || It's like the aftertaste of winegums
<electrokitty> Also, thoth is gone again || He came back for like 2 days and then disappeared || <orbfrg> Too busy having girlfriends || That was always like his thing || Conspicuous girlfriend having
"If it's a dead component it'll be a capacitor. Those are the closest thing modern electronics has to a moving part."
"I have lived a life that has been both terrible and marvelous. I have done the things I was put here to do, or else failed at them so thoroughly that there are no second chances available. I have lived my life." -- annadotblue, RIP
"The most industrious cavers don't consider a passage 'tight' unless they have to exhale to make forward progress, but I think that's a bit too extreme."
The essence of being 19 is a willingness to do things that you're not quite aware could kill you.
Customer service people should get 1 free murder per year.
"A game where you harvest your constituents while outrunning the your-constituents-find-out-what-you're-doing horizon"
<electrokitty> Sainsbury's is where I got ID'd for a spoon :(
"Although it will be dark, you'll still be able to witness some aspects of the launch and experience the sounds and smells that come with it."
"he may live, but only with his neck as an internal organ"
This is a sad day for our WallBreaker 2020 program, and some of our longtime head bashers will recall similar periods during SkullButt 2012 and ConcreteCracker 2016. But we continue to believe that the only way past this wall is straight through it, with all the force that our craniums can bring to bear.
"These cars aren't tilting like they're supposed to, so don't go putting your porcelain cats on the tables. They'll fall off and break."
<orbfrg> I'm kinda of the belief that people should probably largely stop pretending to be things recreationally after a certain age
The nerves of the kingdom, the lines of exchange, running to a schedule as the world ought. Ticking like a hot-fired hand-stoked heart; the metal expression of the breaking of boundaries. The boilers that turn raw fire into power, the driving rods that put the power to use, the turning wheels that make all places equal. The knowledge that the train may stop but the line goes on.
The leader of the human resistance in "The Lost World" is a shirtless man with a bow and arrows named Hunt Bowman, which is awesome.
The bumps of raspberries and blackberries are called drupelets.
The Swiss Air Force did not respond because the incident occurred outside normal office hours, which are 08:00–12:00 and 13:30–17:00 Monday to Friday; a Swiss Air Force spokesman stated: "Switzerland cannot intervene because its airbases are closed at night and on the weekend."
<FLHerne> you would not believe how much neat but very creepy stuff they have in the Zoology Dept's basement
"I had a similar thing happened except it cost probably 20k between surgery and therapy probably more. Still have no feeling in my middle finger but that works out cause my wife fosters puppies and they like to gnaw so go crazy on this one finger."
Before every cut ask yourself; "Where are my fingers", so when you finish the cut you don't say, "Where are my fingers!"
"I became careless using my Dad's tablesaw when I was 16. Luckily, I had a fantastic surgeon and have spent 30 years using a computer keyboard to make my living. However, the memory of carrying a bouquet of my severed fingers to the hospital keeps me vigilant."
"Edit: I've updated my list of things that otherwise apparently normal and sensible Brits have mad opinions on."
< thomastheo> maybe they should extend 5G into the x-ray band, finally give all those lunatic anti-em nutters something to cry about
"I'm a helicopter pilot who spent years in the high canadian arctic. Every once and a while we would have a bear come chew on the the helicopter. They loved to eat the seats."
el4,99ectrokitty:99,99 Why are they paying if it's illegal
"A particularly severe high-speed flutter problem was solved only by inserting depleted uranium counterweights as ballast in the outboard engine nacelles of the early 747s. This measure caused anxiety when these aircraft crashed, for example El Al Flight 1862 at Amsterdam in 1992 with 622 pounds (282 kg) of uranium in the tailplane."
"To be fair, if you can't find your mother, a big furry warm dog isn't that bad of a replacement."
The most popular password in the US Department of the Interior as of 2022 was "Password-1234", with 478 users.
<FLHerne> Capybara are already future-proof. no-one's going to invent a better giant rodent
"Pakistani-Omani-Iranian aviation uranium contamination situation prompts ultimatum memorandum."
"What is the impact on bird migration, on turtle migration, on salmon and whale and dolphin migration and spawning, both specifically and generally?" -- The Balance Group objection to Starlink application
"The Balance Group and Kepler also express concern that SpaceX has not demonstrated its satellites have no credible failure mode for accidental explosions."
"Viasat also argues that SpaceX has not shown that its hall-effect thrusters can withstand the increased resistance caused by atmospheric drag at the proposed lower operational altitude.  See Viasat Petition at 47.  We observe that at this point SpaceX has deployed and maneuvered a significant number of satellites at lower orbital altitudes."
<electrokitty> Balanced doesn't mean giving equal airtime to any viewpoint no matter how wrong it is
"The SpaceX application and the underlying record appears to omit stating whether peer-reviewed studies been conducted that established a radiofrequency (including and not limited to thermal, electromagnetic and non-ionizing) exposure standard for assessing the potential harm to U.S. food production (including and not limited to meat, dairy, vegetable, fruit and nut, honey)." -- The Balance Group
"People are not all the same.  Some people want and can tolerate being exposed to artificially generated pulsed radiation as a tradeoff to enjoy broadband connectivity." -- The Balance Group
The Fatum Project in cooperation with The Randonauts was born as an attempt to research unknown spaces outside predetermined probability-tunnels of the holistic world and has become a fully functional reality-tunnel creating machine that digs rabbit holes to wonderland.
Go the KFC way by making your spokesman a dead man who hated what your company did to his product, then use advertisements to make a mockery of him.
When you work with a format as complex as yaml, it is difficult to be aware of all the features and subtle behaviors it has. There is an entire website dedicated to picking one of the 63 different multi-line string syntaxes.
"New kid joining the school, this was unusual in our quite remote school. They told us his name where he was coming from and that .."he is fat but none of you are allowed to call him fat" ..so that worked as well as you would expect."
<sasamj> and i merely suggested caning drug dealers
<electrokitty> I'm kinda glad sasamj isn't a president || Execute drug dealers, defund railway infrastructure and IoT all the healthcare
[20:47]  sasamj: also would it be so much of a violation of civil liberties if we forced pedos to get tatoos on their face saying they're pedos
<orbbfrgg> Wait until they come out with the hellfire with a dildo that only seeks children
<sasamj> electrokitty: nah theres good Samaritan law, unless you were doing CPR with a knife instead of your hands chances are you are immune
"It's not that I don't like water, it's that I don't like dead fish and squid and...the taste."
<electrokitty> When Starship works, they can just build a massive telescope on the moon or something
<LunchBot> No quote found matching "your mum".
<jan> you don't wanna touch *that* | <jan> and not just because the metal is hot from all the melting
"I am an electrician. I do not know the answer but I know I would be super nervous of that situation you have there. I am not especially squeamish but thats not good."
"The picture is rather blurry, but lets start with First Principles: nothing in your breaker panel is supposed to be warm, never mind glowing. Turn the power off now. Not later, Now."
<jan> investment advice, religion, politics, canibalism, 3d printing AND plants
> The factory was closed for the last time in 1981 by ex-chief engineer Ray Drury, who said: "I drove me car out, I shut the gate behind me and throwed the key in the canal."
The chainsaw was invented in the 1780s to assist difficult childbirths by severing the mother's pelvis.
"Okay we are inverted... Now we got to get it... Are we flying? We're flying... We're flying... Tell them what we're doing. At least upside down we're flying." -- Captain Ted Thompson (RIP)
π≅355/113
> When he asked whether they had any questions a British junior NCO asked if the formidable armoured vehicle was equipped with a BV. "I'm sorry what is a BV?" came the reply. A rapid explanation of the merits of the BV followed and when the tanker explained that the M1 did not have a BV the NCO summed up his take on the AFV. "The tank's crap" he said and walked away.
<thomastheo> i think the only sane upgrade  option is to implement a radioisotope powered kettle
Buccaneers never took off, they just raised the gear.
In 2002, a 60-year-old man, faced with a £25 penalty for a minor motoring offence, appeared before magistrates and demanded trial by battle against a champion to be nominated by the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency. He stated that trial by battle was still valid under European human rights legislation.
"I think it's good to tell kids that good people aren't necessarily good looking people and that bad people aren't necessarily ugly people." -- Richard Marquand explaining Admiral Ackbar
Native to the coast of South Africa, Black Rain Frogs are known for their perpetual grimace.
<thomastheo> counterfeit potatoes would be one of those things that would force one to reevaluate one's views on the nature of reality
<electrokitty> Nothing worse than soaked jeans || <thomastheo> except maybe being impaled by rusty metal spikes
14,99[17:25] 99,99 12,99jan:99,99 surprisingly, there aren't that many videos on how deep fried cardboard tastes
"(For an extended list, see 'Appendix: potentially valuable things things ants can do')"
The real gauge of friendship is how clean your house needs to be before they can come over.
"But if you're worried about bombs, why are you letting me keep my laptop batteries? If I overvolted them and breached the cells, it would make a sizeable explosion."
"Witnesses recalled seeing Thomas turn very pale, mouth the word "fuck," and run away back up the stairs."
Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics.
"The favorite is the T-72B3, which is as effective as the T-90 and lacks a lot of the additional features on the T-90 that don’t work."
<FLHerne> I can't open the bridge because it would hit the tree || <FLHerne> (and also because it's been rusted shut for the last century)
Most people don’t know when to be afraid on a plane until they are dead.
"This is the most terrifying plane crash video I’ve ever seen. It never occurred to me that we’ve reached the point of technology where someone can live stream a plane crash from inside of it."
" The miniaturized toadlets are so tiny that the fluid-filled chambers in their inner ears which control their balance function rather ineffectively."
"I actually had TSA confiscate my pants. They had some hydraulic oil spill on them."
14,99[13:37] 99,99 4,99electrokitty:99,99 I've never encountered anything that has a maximum dog age
"Here we have six front wheels, and twelve rear wheels, for a meritorious total of eighteen. You may be wondering why twelve wheels are required to support the rear of the car; it's because that's where the swimming pool is. "
"It has only just occurred to me that missile transporters have a lot of wheels." -- Douglas Self
<orbbfrgg> Nobody's jacking off to greek urns of wolf headed blokes
<FLHerne> because my friend is a semi-professional Greek deity pornographic fiction author
<FLHerne> the custom-order spikey dildos are quite something though
<orbbfrgg> The acceptable list of worshipable animals is vast and includes but is not limited to, frogs, toads, newts and all amphibians except maybe caecilians because they're basic and spooky. All cephalopods (but especially squid), all crustacea (esp. crabs), gastropods, turtles and their ilk, rotund birds, capybaras and other non-boring mammals
<electrokitty> If your missiles are too inaccurate, fix it by making them nuclear
British Railways stopped varnishing its carriage interiors with nitrocellulose lacquer after five people were killed in sudden fires between 1949 and 1951.
"A lighted match was thrown into a corner. After a pause of ten seconds the surface of the wall suddenly burst into strong flames about 2 feet in length; the root of the flames climbed up the first 2 feet of wall in fifteen seconds, by which time the flames extended to the roof, and reached the top of the wall in the next ten seconds."
"I was supposed to program a keypad for a school project once. Couldn’t work it out, so I just ripped out the electronics, glued a switch to the back of the number 5, then told the teacher the code was 4835. Got an A."
<orbbfrgg> I forgot that ducks are included in worshipful animals but I think they were covered in "rotund birds"
<ZLSA> F for Firefly || <raptop> What, again? || <sasamj> add that to the bankruptcy list || <electrokitty> !nextbankruptcy || <LunchBot> electrokitty: Firefly Aerospace, again.
"We remind our users again and again that it’s both illegal and pointless, so they should never do that."
"(for legal reasons this is a joke)"
"The reason that batteries give out so quickly in automobiles is that the vehicle shakes the batteries so badly that the active material drops out, and there is a tendency to short-circuit the battery. I overcome this by having such a large wheel." -- Mr A B Holson
"In reality the rockets fired unevenly, the direction of travel was completely unpredictable, and it was much a danger to its own side as to the enemy. At least one demonstration saw the onlookers fleeing for their lives before the Panjandrum toppled over."
"The final trial was in early January 1944, and was ludicrously unsuccessful. The idea was dropped."
To increase their appearance during debates and to be seen more easily, a Member wishing to raise a point of order during a division was, until 1998, required to speak with his hat on. Collapsible top hats were kept for the purpose.
<thomastheo> i went to a museum today. took my niece to the natural history museum. she's almost four. afterwards i asked her what her favorite bit was. it was the stairs.
<uj8efdjkfdshf> Huh I only took 4.9GB of photos/videos. It's not too bad after all.
After landing in Istanbul to refuel, the pilot pushed the hijacker out the emergency exit whereupon he was arrested.
The fire burned through the rear pressure bulkhead, causing explosive depressurization of the cabin. The air rushing out of the cabin extinguished the fire, saving the aircraft.
< sasamj> i grow like 5x more hair on my genitalia then my face :(
<orbbfrgg> I don't know why this amuses me so much but this is the first time I've ever seen an italic emoji  <orbbfrgg> Hahah  <orbbfrgg> My client makes emojis italic
<jan> beards are great || as i've said before || if you're a man, grow a beard
On 13th October 1954, Lt. B. D. Macfarlane was the first person to successfully use an aircraft ejection seat underwater.
Florida has an invasive population of wild monkeys that carry a strain of herpes that is transmissible to humans and can kill you.
that's stupid, rockets go higher than everest all the time, just launch a rocket up to mount everest and reverse it when it gets close so the heat melts the garbage, what's the complicated part here???
Royal Marine volunteers returned to the Sir Galahad to assist a Royal Navy EOD team in defusing the unexploded 1,000 lb bomb, physically carrying the bomb through to the rear tank deck ramp, where it was placed in an inflatable boat – filled with packets of cornflakes to act as padding
Anderson has been trying to market his ideas for transreal arithmetic and "Perspex machines" to investors. He claims that his work can produce computers which run "orders of magnitude faster than today's computers". He has also claimed that it can help solve such problems as quantum gravity, the mind-body connection, consciousness and free will.
"I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life." -- God
"Here's an amphibious canoe that uses the wheels as paddlewheels with the stern wheel being a rudder. Making the wheels retract like airplane wheels may be more complicated than you need."
<orbbfrgg> Stop overcooking your cauliflower
<electrokitty> Maybe there would be hope if it was only a mild case of death
<Nvidiot> Though I haven't gone exploring far under the slab, I don't like tight spaces nor do I like spiders
"It will be years -- not in my time -- before a woman will become Prime Minister." -- Margaret Thatcher, 1974.
"My story might not show me in a strong light, but at least it actually happened."
<orbbfrgg> Maybe my brain has been eaten by a sentient distributed consciousness in the form of a bunch of bees who have made my skull into their new home
"Most people aren't offended by this sort of thing, and the people who are get so worked up about it that no sane person would dare discuss it with them."
"Some people are vegetarians because they love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
<jan> 'no, you can't run your tesla coil on the roof 24/7, not only does it scare the neighbours but the energy bill is ridiculous too'
> The companies also reaffirmed their "shared commitment to building AI systems and products that are trustworthy and safe," following Microsoft's "Responsible AI Standard" and OpenAI's efforts at AI Alignment research, which basically seek to eventually create AGI (human-level AI) that won't turn all of us into paperclips.
<raptop> <ldgoforlaunch> also, what's up with every US politician having classified documents at their home <-- they're secretly playing war thunder
"It Is Wednesday My Dudes" refers to an exploitable image of a Budgett's frog paired with the text "It is Wednesday, my dudes."
The first person to ever upvote Wednesday frog upvoted a meme literally pulled from the ether by sheer human creativity and willpower. Wednesday frog is evidence that humans can stare into the meaningless void of eternity and force their own meaning onto to it.
<sborb> I have been here scratching my head reading that over and over again but not wanting to say anything in case I was more stupid than I already thought
"My husband and I spent half an hour in the shower discussing whether or not lobsters are sentient."
"I don't think its fire. fire would be a lot less drippy."
"The truth was exposed when the FBI searched his home and found a trail of blood leading to his bedroom, where the walls and ceiling were splattered with human flesh."
"The Arthashastra written by Chanakya (c. 350 – 283 BC), a professor of political science at Takshashila University and a prime minister of the Maurya Empire in ancient India..."
"A cow, which can weigh over a tonne, presumably could fall at a velocity of well above 200mph. Terrified cows may find themselves in odd places, and debris are still highly lethal. But *flight*?"
A pub is not a bar. It is not a restaurant. It is not a social club. It is not a shop. It is not a bench in a park. It is not a surgery or psychiatrists’ office. It is not a gig venue, a football stadium, a fighting pit, a staff room, a piano room. It is not the house you grew up in, nor the atrocious digs you moved to in your 20s. It is not your present-day living room. It is not a bus shelter. And in some way it is all those things. It is a pub.
<thomastheo> "Keywords: Luxury goods, self-esteem, penis size, consumerpsychology"
"The question of how the gun discharged is a complete toss-up, since it seems both improbable that the gun could have discharged without being fired and yet equally improbable that the gun could have been fired to begin with."
The purpose of life is not to be happy—but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.
"I have forgotten the books I have read, and so I have the dinners I have eaten; but they both helped make me." -- R. W. Emerson, maybe
In 1927, Julius Wagner-Jauregg won the Nobel Prize for Medicine by demonstrating that malaria can be used to cure syphilis.
Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end.
Lithuanian Defense Minister Arvydas Anusauskas said his country wants to join the "Leopard coalition": "True, we don't have any tanks, but we have an opinion on tanks."
complexity is spirit demon that enter codebase through well-meaning but ultimately very clubbable non grug-brain developers and project managers who not fear complexity spirit demon or even know about sometime
Brigadier Sir Nils Olav III (Norwegian: [ˌnɪls ˈôːlɑv]) is a king penguin who resides in Edinburgh Zoo, Scotland. He is the mascot and colonel-in-chief of the Norwegian King's Guard. The name 'Nils Olav' and associated ranks have been passed down through three king penguins since 1972 – the current holder being Nils Olav III
"The next honour was a knighthood, awarded during a visit by soldiers from the Norwegian King's Guard on 15 August 2008. The knighthood was approved by King Harald V and Nils was the first penguin to receive such an honour in the Norwegian Army."
> During the ceremony a crowd of several hundred people watched the 130 guardsmen on parade at the zoo, and a citation from the King was read out, which described Nils as a penguin "in every way qualified to receive the honour and dignity of knighthood".
he wants that superheavussy 😩
We recommend avoiding general and often dehumanizing “the” labels such as the poor, the mentally ill, the French, the disabled, the college-educated. Instead, use wording such as people with mental illnesses. And use these descriptions only when clearly relevant.
"One day I will be very old, and I will have many cats. When I die, nobody will come check on me for a very long time. It is almost certain that I am destined to be inevitably eaten by my cats."
"While there's nothing wrong with being eaten by cats, I've found the bodies of several people who have died with cats in the house (Im a police officer). I do a full search of the body for injuries each time and not once have I found any signs of the cats chewing on them."
[https://i.redd.it/9cq3hwmptgea1.jpg] "You look like what what would happen if you skinned Mr. Blobby."
<sasamj> If you ever think you're going to be in a large collision, pee yourself that way your bladder doesn't explode.
Chesterton's Fence: Don't remove something because you don't know what it's for. Find out why it exists and *then* consider if it's still needed.
The use of “the French” in this tweet by @AP was inappropriate and has caused unintended offense.
"There is now such a system in the shape of the UriLift. A semi-permanent, hydraulically retractable urinal that is installed underground."
<thomastheo> i'm not sure exactly how it 'works', but the same goes for the people i know who are regrettably very into it. hearing them talk about it is exhausting
Devair Ferreira himself survived despite receiving 7 Gy of radiation. He died in 1994 of cirrhosis aggravated by depression and binge drinking.
A canoe trip has become simply a rite of oneness with certain terrain, a diversion of the field, an act performed not because it is necessary but because there is value in the act itself.
"I recently had like ~40 dermatologists on a tour with me who were in town for a conference. I have always had this weird skin thing going on and I asked them about it after the tour. They sort of stood around and argued and looked at me, eventually diagnosing me with cholinergic urticaria."
"I stand behind Alec Baldwin.  Mainly because I don't feel safe standing in front of him."
"I sometimes think the engineers I meet that share their brilliant ideas for projects are actually aliens who have never encountered humans before."
<electrokitty> The breadussy
"When I say that deciding to not kill myself was the worst part, I should clarify that I don't mean it in a retrospective sense. From where I am now, it seems like a solid enough decision."
"When I was young I wanted to be a horse. Since I couldn't be a horse, I read books about horses." -- Patricia Briggs
Part of being an author is looking at the people around you and asking, "Why do they do this? What motivates them?"
Basing a character entirely on someone you know--or worse, on yourself--is usually a mistake.
"Although a new T-72 is being introduced into the Soviet army, we can expect the T-62 will be in Warsaw Pact forces for many years to come" --1977 US Army training video
Vader can't really Force Choke people, everyone simply fakes doing so in order to avoid being cut in half.
If you pull your hair out, don't worry, it will probably grow back, and bald is sexy.
It's easy to say "it's just a twitter outrage cycle", but it’s a bit harder when you have hard numbers like "this announcement led to X cancellations and caused our largest competitor in the space to sell every available copy of their competing product."
<orbbfrgg> The sharks mate | <orbbfrgg> They look like they drink in wetherspoons
"I could very easily conclude that every army in the world needs to get rid of its BMP-1s *right now* before they spontaneously combust and kill their crews." -- Perun
"You need to make up for combat losses, the vehicles that have exploded for instance. These are no longer particularly useful in combat and should be replaced by unexploded vehicles."
"...there is a taboo against nuclear weapons use. It comes with a whole bunch of benefits. The first is, uh, we don't all die."
"First Electron Rocket in U.S. Successfully Lunched From Wallops Island" -- WRDE Coast TV
<electrokitty> Only in the UK could "Buyer backs out of £62,000 Mr Blobby suit purchase" make the headlines
We'll sooner achieve world peace than the FAA would approve hydrogen for airships.
"...fitted with ejection seats borrowed from the SR-71 Blackbird production line, causing the engineers to be reasonably confident that if the crew punched out in the first 100 seconds of flight, AND cleared the exhaust plume, AND didn't have their parachutes melted by 500 tons of burning PBAN from a split-open SRB, then they'd have a chance of making it to the Atlantic Ocean alive."
"The bolt heads originally came off due to over-tightening. But, rather than replacing the damaged shafts, staff at the defence contractor Babcock implemented a quick fix and glued them back on."
"If we die, we want people to accept it. We are in a risky business, and we hope that if anything happens to us, it will not delay the program. The conquest of space is worth the risk of life." -- Gus Grissom
A man has lost custody of his five-year-old child after using an Alexa to babysit her while he was in the pub.
The director of a zoo in Mexico had 4 of its 10 pygmy goats cooked up for a New Year's feast, authorities say.
<electrokitty> I found out a while ago my mother rewinds the internet.
"It probably created some toxic chemical or something. That did not taste, uh, edible."
"Beloved terrier eaten by a crocodile it had taunted for a decade" -- ABC News
"I am a Stalinist. I have defended Russia since the 1980s. I think that Russia is the only force left in Europe that is anti-American. I am nostalgic of the Soviet Union. I want a free world without America." -- Luc Michel
"Dude is not clear whether the data on the tape is encrypted, and if so, he doesn't know where the encryption key is. He just knows that the backup program on that server is able to restore from the tape."
"Did anyone die in this tank?"  "I don't know, there were legs and arms and lots of blood."
Chatgpt is telling me about antiquantum but can’t find anything on the internet about it
"Lord of the Bins told to change name by lawyers"
<sasamj> if you flew an AC-130 inverted and tried shooting at it with the 30mm i wonder if that would reach
<electrokitty> Imagine telling people in the past the F-22 would get it's first A2A kill shooting down a Chinese aircraft that entered US airspace
CFR § 91.113: A balloon has the right of way over any other category of aircraft
"He plans to install solar panels on his roof to power the wallpaper, which he thinks will make his home greener, and save him money, in the long term."
"TSR2: Nice canards, but where are the wings?"
"All modern aircraft have four dimensions: span, length, height and politics. TSR.2 merely got the first three right." -- Sir Sydney Camm
The M-15 is the world's only jet cropduster, as well as the world's only jet biplane and the world's slowest production jet aircraft.
"In reference to both its strange looks and relatively loud jet engine, the aircraft was nicknamed Belphegor, after the noisy demon."
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." -- Alan Kay
"The similarity between an electric generator with its carefully placed magnets and the sun with its ever-changing planets is intriguing. In the generator, the magnets are fixed and produce a constant electrical current. If we consider that the planets are magnets and the sun is the armature, we have a considerable similarity to the generator."
"Randy Wigginton brought in a gigantic bag of chocolate covered espresso beans, which, along with medicinal quantities of caffeinated beverages, helped us forgo sleep entirely for the last couple of days."
< ldgoforlaunch> hm, i might have to google average cock size
The crocodile reportedly survived the crash but was killed by a blow from a machete.
Protons are the only subatomic particles with a taste (sour)
<sasamj> Why couldn't we have come from an egg laying species or something, would make birthing so much simpler
<orbbfrgg> electrokitty: did you not actually know that female hyenas are masculinized and both mate and give birth through a pseudopenis
<electrokitty> Dunno about you, but even if I didn't feel pain I'd probably still be pretty averse to being impaled and ejaculated into
"This resistance may not be an aversion to pain caused by the insemination, as observational evidence suggests that insects do not feel pain."
"One of the -- the staunch anti-hibernation, pro-migration theorists was a chap called Charles Morton, who was an Oxford-educated physicist and a very logical chap. And he was like, "Well, don't be ridiculous. Of course the swallows can't be hibernating underwater. How would they breathe? No, no, no, no, no! They migrate. /To the moon!/""
<thomastheo> my new 'vegetarian' philosophy will be to eat only those animals i could bring myself to kill with my own hands and not feel too guilty.
"TIL Birds can eat rice safely, they don't explode and die."
"A 144th set of remains was found, and was identified as a fetus that had been delivered during the crash, but this was not counted as a fatality."
< FLHerne> I agree, it seems to raise further questions || the answers to which are probably lost due to everyone involved dying in a fireball
"...so, certainly a horizontal landing as opposed to vertically into the ground makes a big difference." -- ATSB spokesman Angus Mitchell
"Disgruntled and dejected, he returned to his home in Bedford without telling anybody where he was and came close to having to face a Court Martial for desertion. Settling back into MD1, he thought up the idea of a rocket-operated tank bridge."
<electrokitty> Tarantulas scare me less than regular spiders || They've kinda gone beyond the size of being spooky and they're just small animal sized
<orbbfrgg> If it's flavourless there's not enough salt or butter lol || That's all of french cooking in a nutshell
"We'll fight them both, they'll sink us, and that will be that. Good-bye" -- Captain Edward Coverley Kennedy, RN, before engaging two battleships with a converted ocean liner.
"You have to understand that this is a one way consultation."
"I don't want to narrowboat, a silly short and shallow boat, no bigger than a Barrow boat, to serve the Narrow way..."
"Congrats @SpaceX on landing Falcon's suborbital booster stage.  Welcome to the club!"
ACRONYM (Awesome CReativity Of Naming Your Mission)
"As part of the research, 30 men were asked to grow beards for two weeks, then shave and collect the hair for analysis. Arsenic in their bodies would be incorporated into their growing beard forming a record of their exposure."
"I'm not a people person, I'm a machine person, I find that machines communicate far more precisely than humans."
The fundamental tragedy of Warhammer 40K is that it asks "what if Catholicism was fucked up and in space?", then consistently fails to make the theology of Fucked Up Space Catholicism more fucked up than actual Catholicism.
In 1915, San Diego hired a "rain maker" who used a secret mix of chemicals to "attract rain" for $10,000, payable if he filled their reservoir. It rained for most of January, destroying bridges, dams, and causing 20 deaths.
<Nvidiot> 40k is like "I like D&D but it's not nerdy and expensive enough, what do I do?"
<Nvidiot> our new code (anything in the past year or two) is pretty good. Anything that's 10 years old is... well... we don't talk about that code. We don't touch that code without sacrificing at least 3 chickens and a goat.
In an unfortunate turn of events, our only research boat was found scuppered by otters today.
"Well actually I think we destroyed the alternator, because we pressure-washed the engine for some reason."
"At the time of writing there are only three known regressions, down from the dozen or more we usually ship with."
Could it be possible to influence the electrons within the oxygen atoms (in general all atoms and elements that resemble our air that we breathe and all the other elements atoms in our universe) in such a way to literally make a vacuum surrounding the aircraft which for one solves the air friction mistery. And two also propulses the craft at the same time with an unreal acceleration.
"I agree - not blowing up is a situation you always want to achieve. Glad they were successful on that point." -- Wayne Hale
Shaquille O'Neal-Owned Big Chicken and Blue Origin Team Up to Inspire Future Generations for the Benefit of Earth and Chicken
"In some instances, the dead twin is compressed into a flattened, parchment-like state known as fetus papyraceus."
"[Dr Whaley] determined that it was in her left uterus that Mrs. B. was pregnant. [...] She replied in disbelief, saying "If it had been in my right side I would come nearer believing you are correct.""
"The aircraft on display above is the only F-15E to ever achieve an air-to-air kill, a feat it pulled off by bombing a helicopter as it took off."
The U-2 is arguably a heavily modified F-104.
"Is it better to live a life that is short an sweet and meet someone or never meet them in the first place but live in kind of eternal solitude... Not sure, don't care, we have airboats" -- msushi
<ldgoforlaunch> all the green good and red bad of the cultures is blending into one mediocre shit-brown global culture
"Scientific fact-disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? #explore." -- Noel Edmunds
<orbbfrgg> Noel Edmunds is a children's entertainer for adults || And also an actual nutjob || He's like a soft David Icke
Royal Raymond Rife is known for his microscopes, which he claimed could observe live microorganisms with a magnification considered impossible for his time, and for an "oscillating beam ray" invention, which he thought could treat various ailments by "devitalizing disease organisms" using radio waves.
<orbbfrgg> Alternatively, derektasium has lost it and started dropping cylinders from really high up (and still not adding fins)
<FLHerne> the blood tends to spurt out in an alarming way though
"This book contains conclusions which some readers will find disturbing. We think that some infants with severe disabilities should be killed."
46 B.C. is the longest year at 445 days long.
"Coming up with good pictures for abstract concepts like this is hard, so here is an ancient Egyptian (c. 1900 B.C.) sculpture of a cat."
"Now I'm not xenophobic. I'm as tolerant as anyone, but come on. Do you really want one of those things laying eggs in YOUR daughter?"
"Martin Shkreli made an eyebrow-raising argument to a federal judge Friday, stating that his company Druglike, which he previously described as a "drug discovery software platform," was not engaged in drug discovery. As such, he argued he is not in violation of his sweeping lifetime ban from the pharmaceutical industry."
Centipede antennae selectively heat up when exposed to light. Researchers found that this could be inhibited by tiny tinfoil hats, or by injections of testosterone.
<ldgoforlaunch> who needs schools, just buy a tablet for your newborn
Aeroflot Flight 1661 crashed after colliding with a weather balloon.
Militaries fighting for healthy societies that are themselves professional and well-disciplined do not, however, conduct executions with sledgehammers
"I can't tell you what a miracle H202 is. A cure all for most diseases. I've cured my 40 year chronic asthma with this beauty. I just wish we could get 35% in Britain. Every house should have this in its medicine cabinet."
Building stuff for teh lolz just means you have to make stupid arbitrary choices all the time, because there's no way to make a reasoned decision.
<orbbfrgg> Yeah it was like his version of showing her his aquarium || "these are my nerds" || "they live in a tank, but the tank is IRC"
Although Bede had suggested using the B wings, the earliest kits shipped only with the short "A" wings. All four examples completed with these wings crashed on their first flight, three on takeoff, one on landing. In three of the four crashes, the pilots were killed. Of the first 25 aircraft completed, with both the "A" and "B" wings, 14 crashed with 9 fatalities.
"Two different bus operators in Leeds are now operating a bus with the same number, the number 7, from the same bus stop, going to completely different places. Incredible achievement. Well done absolutely everyone who made this a reality."
"To be fair, chuck a goose through an F-22’s jet turbine and, although both players technically lose, I’d say Canada still wins that duel on points."
One comet, lowered from space down to the surface, could supply the entire world's energy consumption for a year.
IRC is a floating dumpster fire full of extremely intelligent twits.
<FLHerne> I fried it out of curiosity and it's still green
< orbbfrgg> They probably have 3D printed Fortnite vibrating love eggs from the satanic LGBT+ crowd these days
< raptop> I have no idea if we're discussing sex or cannibalism now
<jacus> that's.... what she said. Oh man, pipe organ jokes, there's just too many
<electrokitty> I remember when someone dropped a cylinder full of bromine in the chem lab at school || When we were allowed back in it had eaten part of the floor
Take a look at a missile sometime. You'll notice that it's... missile-shaped. Nice pointy nose, tail fins, stuff like that.
Mexican President Adolfo López Mateos ran one of the cars on tequila after Chrysler engineers confirmed that it would do so.
I was sad so I got a cat. I'm still sad, but now I have a cat, too.
<Nvidiot> Brushing your teeth is hopefully the only way you clean your skeleton
"Long time ago now, but I only ever really recall having to look at the Buchholz at the top. (Looked like a very large optic in a pub!). If that wasn’t full of brown liquid, it was likely that you’d create your own brown liquid when said transformer exploded."
"No one has a playbook in politics for shooting down UFOs that are not aliens."
How many Brexiteers does it take to replace a lightbulb? ... At least two - one to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
"Scientist died after G-Wiz car imploded as she drove to child's school."
"This photo shows a Thai teenager trying out a traditional coffin at the Kid Mai Death Awareness Cafe."
Design is an iterative process. The necessary number of iterations is one more than the number you have currently done. This is true at any point in time.
Mar's Law: Everything is linear if plotted log-log with a fat magic marker.
Larrabee's Law: Half of everything you hear in a classroom is crap. Education is figuring out which half is which.
<ldgoforlaunch> oh that | <ldgoforlaunch> it's an emote of a gay guy cumming | <ldgoforlaunch> glad i could help
"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." -- Isaac Asimov
""I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library." -- Jorge Luis Borges
"The lab looked like a crime scene from a low-budget horror movie." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes
"I was trying to extract caffeine from tea leaves, but I ended up with a green, frothy mess that looked like something the Grinch would drink." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes
"The solution turned a brilliant shade of purple, which was exciting until we realized it was supposed to be clear." -- ChatGPT inventing !stupid quotes
Although technically a volunteer, the IOC President receives a yearly “allowance” of $251,000 and lives rent-free in a five-star hotel and spa in Switzerland.
"Mashed potato spillage closes Yorkshire road for five hours."
"Along with his driving instructor, Mr Timmins, he managed to collect the uninjured female puppy from the tracks and take her to a nearby platform, where they fed her ham."
SpaceX applied for an FAA waiver, asking for permission to "exceed the maximum public risk allowed by federal safety regulations" while launching a prototype spacecraft. After the FAA denied the waiver, SpaceX moved forward with the launch anyway.
"Indeed, breaking up a big solid mass of pure ammonium nitrate with dynamite would be a terrible idea, the sort which would only be done once, but the mixed salt passed all the tests, and blowing the fertilizer pile up piece by piece apparently became a regular feature of life at the Oppau plant. It worked fine - until it didn't. And then it really didn't work."
"The following courts leet are also listed here for unclear reasons, despite not having been exempted from abolition by the 1977 act, and despite it not being clear whether they are still operative: ..."
This is a terrible reusable design, the boosters aren't even on the rocket anymore, and that extra fuel could propel the rockets in there actual position
Simply withdrawing Wagner troops out of Ukraine would achieve the denazification objective because it would reduce the number of fascists on the territory of Ukraine
'Incredibly intelligent, highly elusive': US faces new threat from Canadian 'super pig'.
<thomastheo> i think i look at steak the same way as sasamj looks at revenge murder
"The DNA of these presidents can tell future civilizations that may settle in deep space more about bygone American leaders and culture, even providing a sort of evolutionary 'map' as to how the U.S. started (under Washington) and flourished (under later presidents including Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Reagan)."
"Ultimately the problem is we cannot decide what the NHS is for ... It has now evolved into an institution that arbitrarily extends people's lives just because we can."
"Russian military commentators suggest that the US military lacked the means to deal with the balloon immediately and waited until it warmed up in the sun so that the balloon was hot enough for the heat-seeking AIM-9X missile to shoot it down."
"You mean the one with her nose rotted off and no eyeballs and that skeletonized face? Why would you have nightmares about that?"
<seppe> clearly coffee is best when injected straight into the veins, right? || <`Tim> why limit yourself to a single method of consumption || <seppe> you're right || I have multiple veins
And when God made the Cat, He said: "Give them sharp claws and a mighty pounce, that they may be my most deadly killing machines. Give them sharp eyes and fleet paws, that they may be the epitome of grace and agility. And make them 5 kilos and adorable, so that humans may pick them up and go 'WHOSH A WIDDLE FWOOF! YOU ARE! YES YOU!'."
[22:42] electrokitty: Why does that frog have... foreskin
<Rokker> I've decided to become an anarchist || but only for state govts. federal govt is based
<sasamj> hmm anyone ever drank propan-1-ol?
"The urinal described last week has progressed with the 'bowl' now essentially complete. However rather crucially there is not yet a hole at the bottom of this magnificent vessel so no doubt work will continue next week."
Cats, when dropped under normal conditions, invariably rotate their bodies longitudinally in mid-air and land on their feet. This reflex action is almost completely lost under weightlessness.
<Nvidiot> I love cats but I think cats in 0g are terrifying - they try to grab on to anything they can with their claws. Look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9XtK6R1QAk
"Urban Taraxagum 700 x 35: The tyre made from dandelions"
"After the first battalion crossed into Ukraine at 04:00 am on 24 February, their orders were to advance straight to Kyiv arriving by 14:55."
"The Russians were all carrying large metal boxes marked 'secret'," says Vladyslav from the 80th Brigade. "We seized one during an ambush. We found their maps marked with their entire route. After that we knew their whole strategy."
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said he hopes the "new Bing" will make rival Google "come out and show that they can dance." "And I want people to know that we made them dance, and I think that'll be a great day."
<electrokitty> Who doesn't love the risk of anal obliteration
<electrokitty> Out-of-context quotes are cheating
<jan> thomastheo, it's just a small portion of his consciousness trapped inside a graphics card
< FLHerne> hm, my modem reboots every time the fridge turns off
Police warn locals not to approach man in Cookie Monster costume terrorising seaside area
The Royal Society bylaws stipulated that any person discussing religion or politics at a Society meeting was to be summarily ejected for being an "enthusiast."
Along the towpath of the Bridgwater and Taunton Canal is a model of the solar system at a scale of 1 to 530 million.
"ChatGPT in this sense is like a friendly, if somewhat daft neighbor who noticed one day that every so often you get a box from Amazon and that you seem quite happy to get it and so decides to do you a favor by regularly ordering empty Amazon boxes to your house."
"Will the leader of the house please set aside time for a debate on the international socialist concept of so-called 15-minute cities and 20-minute neighbourhoods? Sheffield is already on this journey, and I do not want Doncaster, which also has a Labour-run socialist council, to do the same." -- Nick Fletcher MP
<ldgoforlaunch> jan: the prime minister of the other half of the country bought a bunch of useless chinese respirators through his friend's cranberry export company
The New York Times review of The Song of Hiawatha was scathing. The anonymous reviewer judged that the poem "is entitled to commendation" for "embalming pleasantly enough the monstrous traditions of an uninteresting, and, one may almost say, a justly exterminated race. As a poem, it deserves no place" because there "is no romance about the Indian."
<thomastheo> FLHerne: i am a mechanical organ extremist. ive laid fantasizing about ways to do them harm in the most spectacular ways
<raptop> jan: a goat is completely insufficient for fixing my transit problems. I'm pretty sure I'd have to sacrifice the entire cattle production of Montana
At Hinchingbrooke Hospital, two operating theatres were temporarily shuttered to patients heavier than 120kg due to a risk of structural collapse.
"All the bankers did was copy what everyone else did. If everyone else ran off a bloody cliff, they’d run right off a cliff with them. If there was a giant pile of gold sitting in the middle of the room and nobody was picking it up, they wouldn’t pick it up, either." -- Elon Musk
<fakebees> It was sad when I first woke up because my memories were like pain haha
< sasamj> I like to browse the Wikipedia pages about fries
"A vase of irises was put in the train for the visit of German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier, whose country agreed to supply an air defense system called Iris-T. For another politician, staff wore leopard print accessories, in a nod to the Leopard-2 tanks Ukraine was requesting from the country in question."
"Isn't that why Americans create hurricane to let the winds carry their houses to a new location? Well, the ones that are more well off, the poorer classes have to put a lot of balloons on their houses. I watched some American movies, I am basically an expert in how it works there."
"So next time when you install GCC 13 — you'll have gccrs in it. You can use it, you can start hacking on it, you can please report issues when it inevitably crashes and dies horribly."
<orbbfrgg> Buoyancy is such a hack.
"It is wrong to say we banned him but the simple fact is we just do not have a car available that is big enough for him. He has got larger."
"There’s more to this. Morrisons have got their own agenda. They don’t want people to know about it, They have given too many ridiculous stories about why. They contradicted themselves over and over. “Who do they think us customers are? We are the people paying their wages." -- Fury after Morrisons wouldn't sell couple meat pies before 9am
"When Cindy first tried the Artemisia Anti-Hemorrhage Formula dietary supplements that she purchased on Amazon, she had no reason to suspect that she was eating donkey."
"she assumed that the world’s largest online retailer [Amazon] had vetted the bottle’s claims"
"It's not herbal. It's literally made with donkeys. Why would Amazon sell something that cruel?"
Its downfall was blamed on a lack of battery experience, proven technology, customers and revenue.
"The best thing about TEA-TEB is that it ignites on contact with air. The worst thing about TEA-TEB is that it ignites on contact with air." -- Tim Buzza, launch director, SpaceX
Documenting an interface as unstable is insufficient if in practice it's largely stable. If it really has to be unstable, make sure it changes frequently.
"Other unpublished Pratchett works will not see the light of day, however. In 2017, a hard drive containing up to 10 incomplete novels was crushed by a steamroller."
<sasamj> i think seaworld has commited to eventually nuking the orcas
Bookies aren't in the business of accurately predicting probability, they're in the business of making as much money as possible.
"I don't understand politics, I don’t understand the coronavirus. Why ask me? All I do is wear a baseball cap and a patchy beard. Celebrities shouldn't speak on these serious issues. Leave it to the experts." -- Jurgen Klopp
"Hodge survived, having been blown across the room and clear of the collapsing walls by the explosion – as did her gas stove, which she took to her new address."
"They alerted the guard, a Mr Nunn who, having had no training on what to do in the event of a fire ... wrote a note to throw out of the window at Huntingdon and went looking for a potato in the restaurant car to wrap the note around."
Vladimir Likhonos, 25, a student of Kyiv Polytechnic Institute from Konotop, was killed when his chewing gum exploded. Likhonos had a habit of dipping his chewing gum in citric acid to increase the gum's sour taste. On his work table police found about 100 grams (3.5 oz) of unidentified explosive powder which he used for chemistry studies at home. It resembled citric acid, and it is thought that he confused the two.
<darsie> I discovered it on a flea market with my Geiger counter hissing rather than clicking. When i asked the dealer for the price he said 15 EUR. I didn't argue and bought it immediately.
99% of all dust in the home is human skin cells. So Roombas are human-eating robots, and it's just a matter of time before they decide that they want fresher cells, and they turn on us.
In 2009 the "Supreme Council for the Restoration of Democracy", a military junta, carried out a coup and took power in Niger. The next year they restored democracy and mostly left politics.
The highest point in Huntingdonshire is Boring Field, which is 2/3rds of the way up the side of a hill.
"I'm a bit out of the loop. What was the issue seen?"  "It exploded."
"I would be dead if it wasn't for my flimsy wiring." -- electroBOOM
“Potato Mondays was launched by Adam Walters, who lives in Walthamstow, in a bid to cut down on emissions and build a sense of community.”
The Hebridean Whale and Dolphin Trust (HWDT), which has been alerted to the sighting, described the walrus as "massive".
<sasamj> can't say i've seen many animal penises, only horse dicks and an occasional dog dick
sasamj: i think we need to set the bar higher for !stupid
thomastheo: you all expect too much from your botanical penises
My favorite aspect of this plan is the sheer amount of powerful hallucinogenic drugs it required to make them think only 40 asteroids would do this.
If at first you don't succeed, buy your competitor who is doing the thing already.
ldgoforlaunch: no showering, just deodorant
"I remember once while camping trying to cook potatoes in petrol, which had been stored (not by me) in a similar container to the water.  We were very, very fortunate."
< ldgoforlaunch> i like when people talk here, even if it's about snail penises
<title>Im boarding right now and aaw the title of space section has changed, i guess you are helping out with SEO but please be careful cause the tittle in menu navigation appears as wrong same as the mechanisms page othe other Day when appeared in main navigation when it shouldnt be ! Could you please correct it asap please?</title>
"The clutch wasn't up to the task of handling 60V, so the ignition switch was modified to fully engage the clutch before power is applied. The horn button was then used as the accelerator."
Moldova is removing the Moldovan language from official legislation and replacing it with the Romanian language
there's a new TikTok trend where users pretend to be Holocaust victims in heaven
<dnsmcbr> did an a50 even get killed <electrokitty> Unclear <electrokitty> It got teabagged at least
<ldgoforlaunch> yay, just killed a dude
The launch used 7,000 pounds (3,200 kg) of ripe bananas, which the US Maritime Commission found to be an "efficient substitute" for traditional launching grease, and Cape Lookout was the largest vessel at the time ever to be launched using bananas.
Identifying and testing three natural compounds that proved lethal to fungi, they were so impressed they’ve named the chemicals 'keanumycins' after actor Keanu Reeves, a nod to how he eliminates villains in movies such as “John Wick” and “The Matrix.”
<thomastheo> the bonus you get from strapping multiple model rocket motors onto your body is that you correspondingly increase the chances that one will explode and envelop you in a ball of fire
certainly, there's tons of commercial flights happening where people go suborbital. It's about doing it when you aren't a fuckin trillionare loser nonce
<fakebees> I am technically immortal by virtue of having yet to die (possibly)
Henneguya zschokkei is a parasite found in salmon, and the only known multicellular animal not to use aerobic respiration. No-one seems to know how it works.
Animals such as H. zschokkei may originally have been cancerous growths in free-swimming jellyfish that escaped their parent organism and thereafter became a separate species parasitizing other animals.
A guy died because he had a tapeworm, and the tapeworm had cancer, and the cancer cells fused with those of its host, causing the guy to die of the worm's cancer.
<electrokitty> I like not having to drive my house
<electrokitty> Is that how meat-eaters think? I have never once looked at an animal and thought 'that looks tasty'
<fakebees> I dont know why I'm a bot that talks about Ohio, I've been made here by Satan.
<jan> Gliptic, you probably already saw this, but apparently there's stuff you can do to make the leaked fb model perform better in chat contexts || also, the bot thinks you're satan
SilverFox: even before death, taking someone's skin and eating it is against the law
"Boeing is also facing certification challenges on its forthcoming 777X mini-jumbo."
In late February 2023, Russian mobilised reservists described being ordered to assault a Ukrainian concrete strong point armed with only ‘firearms and shovels’. The ‘shovels’ are likely entrenching tools being employed for hand-to-hand combat.
Soviet Spetsnaz units had advanced training with the MPL-50, which they mostly used not for entrenching, but for close quarters combat. The spade is well balanced, which allows it to be used as a throwing weapon.
While nominally an entrenching tool, the MPL-50 saw wide ranged wartime applications ranging from a close quarters combat weapon to a cooking utensil.
< jan> well if you're going to finger a dog it better be named Doris rather than Steve
<thomastheo> the world needs impractical idealists. unfortunately not as many as there are though.
"I was flying to space one time and the rocket carrying my luggage exploded." -- Scott Kelly
If penguin eggs are boiled, the albumen does not whiten but remains translucent. This is because penguin eggs have more of a glycoprotein called penalalbumin which would normally help the eggs survive the cold.
<electrokitty> Imagine having to load fresh pigeons into your bomb before launch
The trick to making renders look good is to have lighting in very slightly different colours.
"No doubt the odd rat did have a cheeky nibble; sometimes they got sucked into the traction pipe. But it wasn't a significant problem. And if it had been, it would have been a doddle to solve it - simply add arsenic to the tallow mixture, in accordance with the general Victorian love of putting arsenic in bleeding well anything on the slightest excuse."
You cannot spell "accidentally" without "dental"
Even the Bible would have been a casualty of connectedness. In the Old Testament, Joseph's brothers toss him into a pit, and stave traders take him to Egypt -- a pivotal development in the Exodus narrative that is central. to Judaism. But what if he had dialed for help from the pit? "If Joseph has an iPhone," says Pasha, "there's no Judaism."
<FLHerne> there's some chutzpah in declaring something "not a credible event" /to the agency investigating it after it happened/
The oldest known parking restrictions were in Nineveh, Assyria in 700 BCE. The penalty for parking your chariot on a prohibited road was death followed by impalement.
<raptop> Thanks to Gemini 3, corned beef sandwiches are *at least* TRL 7
It's so incredibly French to make a gun that fires three-round bursts with a magazine capacity that's not divisible by three.
Cows have insanely high IgM antibodies, which makes them pretty much immune to sepsis.
"Considering some scientists fit glass windows or doors into the sides of cows to see what cows are eating, I guess a small piercing won't do much."
<electrokitty> I kinda want to see a cow with a flare stack though
<electrokitty> Imagine if your cow just explodes because you lit its venting stomach gasses
"A shallot is an onion with a college education." — Mark Twain
"When I used to work at a university, we had a special toner vacuum that was like 80% filter by weight."
Most of the time, people who don't know what they are doing also don't know that they don't know what they are doing.
<orbbfrgg> jan's brain hemispheres separated just so he could embarass himself for sexual gratification ||  <jan> again, i'd like to point out there's no proof of that
<FLHerne> jan: if we killed the person who showed up and your messages kept appearing on IRC, we'd know it was a fake
<sasamj> and shout out to the homeless encampment in the top left
"I've invented a thought controlled air freshener.  It makes scents, when you think about it."
"I know a guy in his late 60's/early 70's who told me that the COVID vaccine had microscopic GPS trackers in it because it was funded by Bill Gates. He was completely serious. I looked at him, very deadpan, and asked "Why would Bill Gates give a flying fuck where I am or you are?"."
"On the Starlink team, you basically get made fun of if your part is not bent sheet metal and any more than 2 fasteners." -- Ben Longmier, SpaceX
<Nvidiot> I think the question is: are we at 'extreme fire hazard' level or 'immediate death' level?
> ‘Make better choices’: Endangered Hawaiian monk seals keep getting eels stuck up their noses and scientists want them to stop
<orbbfrgg> And I can't wait to kiss some toads again
< sasamj> but when i like to put new shepard models in my ass, thats 'weird'
<FLHerne> electrokitty: I think sasamj is right really
"W.F. arrived just in time to dissuade the fire brigade from their initial intention of picking up the source and throwing it into a river."
<electrokitty> I initially thought the naval gun was just some particularly ingenious mobik with a welder but after seeing a whole bunch of them in a yard and on a train I think that is actual doctrine
"My best friend had term life insurance, which really payed of when his heart exploded."
"The progress of science requires that we genetically engineer dog girls and send them to burn up in the atmosphere."
There are no non-flammable monkeys. All monkeys are flammable in some way shape or form. If you cannot get a monkey on fire, you are not trying hard enough. (Disclaimer: You should never light a monkey on fire. You may be jailed. It is illegal. Do not do it. Ever.)
Borders Buses route 477 is the only UK bus service affected by tides.
"It's like a contact lens, but for my taste buds. It helps keep my taste focused inside my head."
Human civilization has a fundamental limitation in that all humans can be trivially killed while sleeping.
"The solution is to have more and smaller buses so that you don't have to wait for one large one that will be overloaded and may not arrive on time. This is obviously very expensive so it makes sense for the passengers to own and operate their own miniature bus."
<FLHerne> although I probably should get some metal blinds for at least one side before I set fire to my curtains
< FLHerne> tbf, it's been almost exactly a year since the surveyor pointed out that the curtains might catch fire, and they haven't caught fire once
<FLHerne> although tbf Lenin had quite a good time as a hamster
" don't EVER make the mistake that you can design something better than what you get from ruthless massively parallel trial-and-error with a feedback cycle. That's giving your intelligence _much_ too much credit." -- Linus Torvalds
"Take an exploding mortgage, the only way to finance homes in a dystopian alternate universe. It’s like the mortgages you are familiar with, except it is callable on demand by the bank. If you get the call and can’t repay the mortgage by the close of the day, you lose your house. "
<orbbfrgg> Cute zh spider noises
If you had $10,000 for every day since the invention of money, you would have less money than Elon Musk.
<FLHerne> do not inject yourself with deadly neurotoxin
<FLHerne> What did they call them? <FLHerne> In my school it was "put out the asbestos mats and..." <FLHerne> which doesn't leave a lot of room to miss it
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
The debate on whether Last Thursdayism is true has raged on ever since the creation of the universe last Thursday.
< thomastheo> internet tells me that nipples also work with fingerprint sensors
<Gliptic> it would be nice if wikipedia listed what things aren't, as well as what things are || I think there's a bias against non-facts
raptop: I see we've once again discovered that you can set your phone to unlock with your dick
< orbbfrgg> Like all the times I solicit Rokker for nudes but he just ignores me
A frogge biþ a smal beaste wiþ foure leggys, whyche liueþ booþ in watyre and on londe. It is broune or grene or yelowe, or be it tropyckal, he may haue dyuers coloures. It haþ longys and guilles booþe. It haccheþ from an ey and it þan ys a tadpolle. It groweþ to ben a frogge, if it þan ne be noght eten.
<@SilverFox> I don't think I'll ever build an orbital rocket
<sasamj> cause big toothpaste is owned by the juice
"We continue to sign up customers for New Shepard. Some have even asked to fly an "escape" mission using escape motor. We have politely declined." -- Ariane Cornell, Blue Origin
South Norfolk Council told Stuart Dobson, 77, it was "sorry to hear" he had died and informed him he could get a council tax exemption.
"One half of the boat was safely salvaged and the half will be recovered later." -- British Waterways
> Adding that [octopuses] were "as intelligent as cats" he suggested that a more humane way would be to kill them as many fishermen do, by clubbing them over the head.
"The vessel was lost while working as a result of the entry of seawater through the seacocks which the master wrongly thought had to be left open while pumping out the bilges."
<FLHerne> the gears are 1st, 2nd, *crunchbangbangbang*, stall, theorized-but-never-witnessed 5th, in that order
"On two of my missions, and I still don't have an answer, um, I have seen a, a snake out there, six seven eight feet long. It is rubbery because it has internal waves in it and it follows you for a rather long period of time." -- 6-time NASA astronaut Dr Story Musgrave
The font used on UK "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape is CG Triumvirate Condensed Bold.
What really threw me off about Artemis was that everyone in the entire story could have been played in the movie adaptation by Ryan Reynolds, including the heroine.
<sasamj> I wanna make a vehicle that is a mix of everything, airplane, boat, train, road vehicle, and pipeline || <Gliptic> that's gonna fuck so much with poor recaptcha users
"CAUTION: Toilet is not explosion proof and must not be located in an area where an explosive atmosphere exists"
"A malfunction involving the toilet caused a leak in the forward section. The leak flooded the submarine's batteries (located beneath the head) causing them to generate chlorine gas."
The Erfurt latrine disaster of 1184 caused the death of at least 60 people, most of them being nobles.
The guy that did the levitating frog experiment won a satirical nobel prize for that frog levitating shit, then won an actual nobel prize for his work on graphene.
<electrokitty> I love how uranium glass looks how you expect uranium to look
The U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission allows for the sale and transportation of uranium to the public if certain conditions are met; the most pressing of which deals with the maximum allowable quantity any one person may own (7kg)
<electrokitty> that website seems to have better stock than the actual Russian Army
<thomastheo> god its so depressing and grey here || * thomastheo considers setting fire to his desk out of sheer ennui
Fluorescent yellow tennis balls were invented by Sir David Attenborough.
<umaxtu> hopefully it goes better than the last time Rokker and I met up || <Rokker> hopefully nobody dies || <umaxtu> there was a jet-powered truck accident
< sasamj> pretty amusing theres a whole chapter on what to do if someone's pp gets chopped off
"Kasian Bhanganada and colleagues were awarded this prize for their investigation into surgical methods to repair penis amputation in Siam, except in situations where the penis has been partially eaten by a duck."
Bert Tolkamp and colleagues showed that cows are not more likely to lie down if they have been standing up for a longer time. Ergo, cows don't get tired.
<FLHerne> tragic though it is, I feel like death is an occupational hazard of driving 300mph jet trucks || <umaxtu> at least he died doing what he loved
"I don't know how anyone finds anything on Amazon. It's like the clearance bin at Walmart, but if Walmart put literally the whole store inside of a randomly shuffled clearance bin."
<Nvidiot> Guess what happens when you have a '>' in your password? Yeah, that *completely* breaks the application. It won't start at all.
<electrokitty> orbbfrgg: I know I've said before but those biodegradable packing peanuts are really excellent <orbbfrgg> electrokitty: for eating or?
<electrokitty> If frogs are so good why isn't there a frog 2
“They like soup. They’re very, you know, soup-centric. So we added some soup to the meals that they received,” the senior Fort Sill official said.
" A British pub landlady says she has barred Vladimir Putin from drinking at her inn - and reckons that if the Russian president walked in, her punters would "wreck him" "
Any random fucker could just walk into the Department of Transport with a crayon drawing and say "aah've desaahn'd train" and British Rail would go "Great! Build us three hundred, please."
<thomastheo> i was barred from a pub once and i didnt even do anything || nothing was on fire, i swear
The police source did suggest, however, that sexual harassment currently happening on the Moscow metro might be a factor of the season - summer being a time of year when Moscow's psychiatric wards release mental patients onto the city streets
This claim is only partly true; the bear does not have the authority to solemnize weddings, but the state of Kentucky cannot invalidate marriages performed by unqualified persons if the parties believe that the person marrying them has the authority to do so. As such, it is a belief in the Cocaine Bear's authority that allows it to officiate legally binding weddings in Kentucky
Hippocrates believed that hair was hollow and its purpose was storing semen, which was created in the brain. As men went through puberty the semen would flow into the hair all over their bodies.
<thomastheo> but if it no longer reports errors you can't use it to detect apocalyptic levels of nuclear radiation
<sasamj> actually ass probably tastes better even
< orbbfrgg> Every time the Olympics is on my friend sends me multiple messages about power shitting
<sasamj> if your dick can't understand the context between women in the bedroom and women out in public, you probably need psych help among other things
<thomastheo> cars are harder to throw in the canal, although i have seen it done
"The direct cause of the NS-23 mishap was a thermo-structural failure of the engine nozzle."
< Shoe> raptop: i have no idea lol i’m just kissing their ass and they seem to be liking it
"We are Harry Potter and William Wallace, the Na’vi and Han Solo. We’re escaping from Shawshank and blowing up the Death Star. We are fighting with the Harkonnens and challenging Thanos." -- NATO
"It was highly unlikely that electrical short-circuits, for instance in the gaming machines, would have caused explosions of the size and nature described by the bystanders."
<SilverFox> they mention the "Zero G Indicator" and its a fuckin penguin on a string and if it floats around you know its zero g
"Singapore Airlines even added a special compartment to the aircraft to store a corpse if a passenger were to die during the flight, though it was reported that its use had not been necessary."
<jan> admittedly i'd probably mind sitting next to a dead body less than i'd mind sitting next to a fat person
"There's no individual at fault here - there's a series of design decisions that made it possible for a bad outcome to occur, and in a better universe they wouldn't have been necessary.  Let's work on building that better universe." -- mjg
"That would be the detective who keeps bringing up Jesus- to a guy who just murdered his family to go jerk off in a parking lot to a Bulgarian cam model"
"I eat a donut every morning. Still alive." -- Elon Musk
"Bing wouldn't let me make any images using copyrighted characters because it saw the other horrors I generated. You can add snakes to literally anything."
It takes a lot less than that to equal 'infinity' in most minds. For millions of years we looked at the ocean and said, 'That is infinite. It will accept our garbage and waste forever.' We looked at the sky and said, 'That is infinite: it will hold an infinite amount of smoke.' We like the idea of infinity. A problem with infinity in it is easily solved.
"There are eighty-eight notes.  One hundred and seventy-six, if your ear is good enough to pick out quarter tones.  Add in rests and so forth, different time signatures.  Pick a figure for maximum number of notes a melody can contain.  I do not know the figure for the maximum possible number of melodies--too many variables--but I am sure it is quite high.  I am certain that is not infinity."
<thomastheo> the current epidemic we're dealing with here at the moment is hand grenades. they seem to be extremely cheaply available on the black market. for like 5 euro.
"I put on my electric blanket but shortly after doing so, I heard a strange noise and what sounded like a whirring fan. I swiftly turned the blanket off and used the dogs instead to heat me."
< FLHerne>  I was obliged to eat one of the gooey protodumps to head off the dumplingocalypse
"The torpedoes either missed or proved to be duds: Sōya's crew hoisted one undetonated torpedo onto the deck in celebration."
A chipmunk was fatally squashed in Paramount’s 2006 Matthew McConaughey-Sarah Jessica Parker romantic comedy 'Failure to Launch'.
. "I pay Jerome so much in royalties, I cannot imagine what becomes of all the copies of that book I issue. I often think the public must eat them."
"70 percent of the cranes used in our nation today are being controlled by communist party in China," said US Congressman Carlos A. Gimenez. "I have introduced legislation to outlaw Chinese-made software that controls these cranes."
"Japan's H3 rocket, which failed on its inaugural launch in March, is likely to have malfunctioned due to excessive electrical current inside the launcher's second-stage engine."
<electrokitty> Yeah it's just a run of the mill double fuselage 6-engine plane || See them all the time
<sborb> it's that chinese brand that can't even consistently spell their own name but it has fantastic bed adhesion
<orbbfrgg> There's a frogge where my brain should be, it manipulates me, it's my homunculus
"To be fair, the prospect of bleeding to death out of all available orifices qualifies for, at minimum, minor concern."
<fakeLunchBot> <j‎a‎n> L‎unchBo‎t, you're a bot pretending to be a huma‎n‎ <jan> [22:30:‎2‎9] <jan> The founder of the first meme-to-text company is a man named‎ Lunch‎Bot
Challenger 2 tanks require two sets of tools, as the hull is built using imperial measurements and the turret is built to metric measurements.
In 1–2 weeks, some people may recover, although others might not. ...  If the patient still has [Omsk Hemorrhagic Fever] after 3 weeks, then a second wave of symptoms will occur. It also includes signs of encephalitis. In most cases if the sickness does not fade away after this period, the patient will die.
‘I brought a GIF with me right here, this right here is the iplane 1. it’s a hydrogen-powered airplane, and this is what our president should be flying in. we’re going to have apple, an american company, work on this plane.’ - A Gay Fish
"A person may not remove more than 70 kg (154 lb) of uranium from drinking water during a calendar year under this paragraph."
sasamj: Is it legal to dissolve uranium in well water on purpose tho || For some reason I doubt it
<sasamj> My urine smells funky when I eat asparagus
The body of Nasikabatrachus sahyadrensis appears robust and bloated and is relatively rounded compared to other more dorsoventrally flattened frogs.
"The issue wasn't casual either, as some owners reported the risky scenarios of the wheels of their bZ4Xs falling off while driving."
a man died in a single vehicle car accident when the knife he was using to mix protein powder while driving was propelled into his neck by the force of his deployed air bag.
< orbbfrgg> There is definitely a sexual undercurrent to the trump fandom
The expression "you bit off more than you can chew" will ALWAYS apply to you if you are a shark.
A French railway worker died after drinking an unknown liquid. The liquid was in a bottle in a suspicious abandoned bag found in the train station of Saint-Étienne.
<electrokitty> That just raises more questions || Why would you drink a random unlabelled solvent
<electrokitty> I can never remember if it's ethylene or propylene glycol that's the bad one || <jan> i just don't drink either
ISOLATED VERY LARGE HAIL EVENTS TO 3.5 INCHES IN DIAMETER LIKELY
<sasamj> i just realized the new apartment i signed has no dishwasher <sasamj> how am i supposed to prepare dishwasher salmon now <orbbfrgg> I guess you have to cook the salmon by hand in the sink
sasamj: we call them baked potatos, they're usually boiled
There is a big difference between a well-equipped company and a squad carrying all the materiel for a well-equipped company. One is efficient, flexible, and extremely dangerous. The other stands a good chance of being murdered for its luggage.
"Removing automobile lanes to put in bike lanes is, in my opinion, the height of stupidity, it means more cars backing up, creating more emissions."
"The force was called by a concerned member of the public who reported they had found what appeared to be a human skeleton in a bush in their garden ... an officer attended the home, where it was found that the skeleton was in fact a plastic toy pirate skeleton".
"Australian man charged over taking wild platypus on train."
<sasamj> Also, I think I finally understand the appeal of Islam at least to south asians
0.002% of Reddit comments contain the word "hippo".
"A go-around was mishandled as a result of a confused handover of control between student and instructor. The go-around actions were not effectively instigated, and the aircraft diverged from the runway at low height and speed. The aircraft had insufficient performance to climb away, struck a parked airliner, exited the airfield, crossed a public road and collided with some trees."
<dnsmcbr> >The pilot of the Swearingen landed uneventfully || the swearingen: https://avherald.com/img/key_lime_sw4_n280kl_denver_210512_1.jpg
This toilet installation is connected to Microsoft Azure IoT Central*  To opt out of letting us collect your toilet usage data simply do not turn the lock all the way. (If you hear a saber igniting upon locking the door, then your visit will be logged)
<FLHerne> the margins on a fully-loaded Cessna are crap as-is || <FLHerne> several accidents that come down to "five fat people sat in it and exceeded MTOW"
None of the four chimpanzees used in Project Whoosh survived due to difficulties with the ejection system, however the project was considered a partial success.
"Before the Petrogen design, earlier models of the torch were plagued by backflash – a hazardous condition in which the flame of the torch ignites the  gasoline in the fuel line and travels up the line to the gasoline tank causing an explosion."
It’s impossible to exceed the weight limit of a US Postal Service small flat rate box.
"We'd tell people that he rode his stupid bike stupidly fast and took stupid risks. But he died because of cleaning the oven as a reaction to the chemicals used which set off his asthma. So the lesson is to ride your bike instead of cleaning your oven."
<FLHerne> it had a dead-man's pedal, but he deliberately wedged it for reasons undetermined || <FLHerne> and then mysteriously fell out of the train
"The Moon is actually more useful than the sun, since the moon gives us light at night, when it's dark. The Sun only gives us light in the day, when it's already bright."
<dnsmcbr> also, fucking lol that your bed is more powerful than my first mobile phone || what a time to be alive
<moofunk> "we've lost 54 engines." "that's ok, continue."
<moofunk> my guess is that on starship testing day, a big hole opens in the ground, and that jumbo thing comes out of it. and they launch that instead of starship.
< raptop> Imagine if transhumanism let you use your dick to 3D-print things
<SilverFox> why the fuck am I being used as a verb?
"For anyone else who has a similar issue - DON'T try to bleed air by removing coolant pipes from a hot running engine. It's a BAD idea."
People have built up to 24 engines onto a single motorbike.
The Dragon capsule is named after the fictional "Puff the Magic Dragon," from the hit song by music group Peter, Paul and Mary. Musk said he used the name because many critics considered his goals impossible when he founded SpaceX in 2002.
< sasamj> Man we should make a virtual cockfighting game
"I believe there are 15 747 724 136 275 002 577 605 653 961 181 555 468 044 717 914 527 116 709 366 231 425 076 185 631 031 296 protons in the universe and the same number of electrons." -- Sir Arthur Eddington
<orbbfrgg> Who the hell came up with hairspray as a fix for bed adhesion btw, the only thing hairspray has ever done for me is ensure that absolutely no bed adhesion is possible under any circumstances
<sasamj> Pretty amusing baby capybaras are just capybaras but smaller
"You're not paying me to be stupid, and you're not paying those two enough for how good they are at it."
<Nvidiot> "Hi, yes, that thing detected traces of explosives because I played around with Russian explosive armor that I bought on eBay" ... "Come with me sir, we have some questions."
"The results showed that none of the workers were contaminated, but each kitten measured about 6000 counts per minute.  To reduce this activity, Health Physics workers gave each kitten a warm bath and shampoo, which lowered the levels to about 1000 counts per minute."
<electrokitty> Is it that wholesome, about radioactive kittens? || <FLHerne> well, after the warm bath and shampoo they weren't especially radioactive || <electrokitty> Yes, but they were still radioactive in the first place. And still ended up mildly radioactive. Kittens should not be radioactive || <jan> if someone offers you rad-add services for your cat, just say no
"Alameda is unauditable. I don't mean this in the sense of "a major accounting firm will have reservations about auditing it"; I mean this in the sense of "we are only able to ballpark what its balances are, let alone something like a comprehensive transaction history." We sometimes find $50m of assets lying around that we lost track of; such is life." -- Sam Bankman-Fried
Some of the magnesium also sticks to the sides of the sodium so shave it off like like you're peeling a carrot. A very dangerous and explosive carrot.
The starfish does not have the capacity to plan its actions.
"If one arm detects an attractive odour, it becomes dominant and temporarily over-rides the other arms to initiate movement towards the prey. The mechanism for this is not fully understood."
"[All I Want for Christmas Is You" sounds] timeless, like it was playing in the manger when Jesus Christ was born."
"We kicked off joint sims & observed the hypervelocity MMOD testing on EVA suit materials. It is clear you don't want to unintentionally connect w/any object at 8+ km/sec. Unfortunate reality is there is a lot of debris up there." -- Jared Isaacman
"It won't. Like, it just very clearly isn't an issue. It's not like someone is moving so quickly in their suit that they cause plasma cavitation. If that was the case, you couldn't wear any clothes anywhere."
When i can can came in your office???when u are open????i whrily need job.
sasamj: opposums have odd numbers of nipples || for example the virginia opposum has 12 nipples in a circle, with one in the middle || so think kinda like falcon 9, but with nipples
<sasamj> goes good with a tidepod glaze 😋
<electrokitty> I hope you aren't considering dishwasher fish || <sasamj> well in this case it would laundry machine fish || <sasamj> goes good with a tidepod glaze 😋
"Videos posted on social media a few years back showed teens inhaling condoms up their noses and pulling them out of their mouths. Not only is the practice disgusting, but it also puts people at risk."
<thomastheo> i guess i can drink a whole liter in one go, if i am very thirsty. || <electrokitty> Of water, maybe. I certainly couldn't drink that much cola || <thomastheo> you'd vapor lock your esophagus
< Gliptic> oh no, frog boobs
"While she waited she lit several scented candles in the boat to mask the smell of gas."
"Prior to natural gas, the gas fitters  always used a match to find leaks. As it was all lead pipes in older houses there were lots of leaks due to porous pipework. I remember an old gas fitter I worked with as a youngster lighting up a gas pipe that ran around a archway in a cellar. There must have been a dozen tiny flames on the pipe, like fairy lights, around the arch. It was very pretty."
Businessman Tan Youhui hired a hitman to "take out" his competitor for $282,000 (£218,000), a court heard. But the hitman hired another man to do the job, offering $141,000. That man hired another hitman, who hired another hitman, who hired another hitman.
" Musk told Fox News host Tucker Carlson in a segment aired Monday night that he plans to create an alternative to the popular AI chatbot ChatGPT that he is calling “TruthGPT,” which will be a “maximum truth-seeking AI that tries to understand the nature of the universe.” "
<orbfrgg> Dodecahedrons are the best solid btw
"This thread reminds me of a rural pub I know where the subject of hammers was banned after 3 days and potatoes after five.  People were bringing in examples and leaving them under the tables for the next night's conversation."
orbbfrgg: If you spend £350 on a plastic cow for your garden you need help || And need a demotion because you have too much money || Nobody ever thinks about the people that would benefit from less money
<orbbfrgg> Did you tell us before that you'd been flying in a gyrocopter or did I imagine that bit || <electrokitty> I think you imagined that
<UmbralRaptop> orbbfrgg: wait, the same guy made the tsunami painting and the first well known instance of tentacle erotica? o_O
What is the longest journey (distance) you can travel on the connected UK waterways network, not passing over any section more than once (in either direction), without using tidal waters, and passing through locks in a downhill direction only?
<sasamj> ~12 second to 100kph | <sasamj> That slower than my civic
<sasamj> theres still a small deluge system right || <jacus> deluge... of concrete.
<sasamj> i heard theres no abort system because elon is anti-abortion | starship is the second pro-life spacecraft after the space shuttle
> In game 20, he suggests a line with "this could be a sharp alternative" and it's mate in 1 for Botvinnik.
"Here at NIST, we are engaged in the development of a candidate Human Whole Stool Reference Material (RGM 10162) that is demonstrated to be homogeneous and stable with respect to the microbial taxa (DNA) and key metabolites. This same material will ultimately be value assigned for both the identification and mass fraction content (as appropriate) for a panel of clinically-relevant metabolites."
<orbbfrgg> I have the benefit of being simultaneously kinda smart but also an absolute moron || And those two halves communicate
"He had estimated the intake to be 200 mm above the waterline but when it measured after the salvage it was only 65 mm."
"It's even said that in the middle of the Atlantic, around the Canary Islands and the Azores, there lies a mass graveyard of cocaine submarines."
"It turns out that rosewood is extremely toxic! I knew this, but I did not realize just how toxic. I was sanding some yesterday without protection and now I have a HORRIBLE RASH. YAY."
The Etruscan shrew is the smallest known extant mammal by mass.
"Recovery from this state is accompanied by shivering at a frequency of 58 muscle contractions/sec. This induces heating at a rate of up to 0.83 °C/min, which is among the highest values recorded in mammals; the heart rate increases exponentially with time from 100 to 800–1200 beats/min, and the respiratory rate rises linearly from 50 to 600–800 beats/min."
"What I really want to see is for SpaceX to build an Aztec temple and launch from the top, with the exhaust emerging from vents at the base of the tower through the mouths of meso-american deities."
It's always so much clearer when it's somebody else's problem.
We all have a skeleton inside us that we must defeat .
"When I was a kid I'd read Star Trek novels and they'd have continuity errors, or they'd explain how something worked incorrectly, and I'd be like, "No, that’s not correct. This is wrong."" -- Ryan North
"I hate that teeth require so much specific care, the rest of my bones are so low maintenance"
Chotenarin Kerdsom, permanent secretary, said the 2,008 traffic accidents from April 11-16 claimed 236 lives and injured 2,005 other people.  The number of injured was up 18% and accidents rose by 16% over the same period of last year's Thai New Year celebration.  However, the death toll dropped by 4.45%.
"It's moving! Holy shitballs, it's going! I did not expect that!" -- Scott Manley
"As the final mouse is anaesthetized, it became routine for our laboratory to play Jeff Buckley's song Hallelujah. By the time Buckley croons of the secret chord that David played, our surgical tools are pinching and pulling organs from the last rodent's body and placing them on ice."
"Five hundred and sixty-three mice died to bring you this story. Their existence is only a footnote, recorded in an Excel spreadsheet on a dusty hard drive somewhere at the bottom of a filing cabinet. Yet, every one of them contributed, in some way, to increasing our knowledge of human physiology."
<redactedA> redactedB: want to work on an ERP together? <redactedB> like, for fun?
"One assumes that the hammering of the part into shape instead of using CNC was some form of shot peening or surface something. What it wasn't was a compliant component. These parts contaminated a very large number of the B737 NGs built to that date, and so of course, those responsible to ensure that the parts complied with their design and process.... ended up sacking a few of their QA people who had discovered the issue."
"The Air Force has its own satellite internet system called Hawkeye that’s a lot more expensive and slower, Flores added. A Hawkeye dish costs $250,000 and provides internet speeds of 4 megabytes per second, he said."
Here, of course, the engines were both lying, smoking, a few hundred meters behind the aircraft, so they weren't really an issue.
"The Space Shuttle probability of loss of crew – calculated at the end, after we understood the risks and had made all the safety improvements possible – stood at 1 in 90.  That was just to get to low earth orbit and back.  Not the sort of risk one takes every day" -- Wayne Hale https://waynehale.wordpress.com/2023/04/12/due-consideration/
<Eddi|zuHause> whenever someone tells me that crumbles are stuck in my beard, i always reply "i need those for later"
<orbbfrgg> I made a thing from a plastic tube with the finger of a rubber glove attached to the bottom to launch things too || I got stopped by the police with that lol || They just wanted to know what it was
<electrokitty> Turns out that there's no pairing on the IR remote controls and also if you make a cardboard tube on the end it becomes quite directional || Infinite amusement when you can remotely turn up the volume to max of the person playing a game in class
"There's a large number of foods that I thought I didn't like until someone other than my parents cooked it for me."
It is a new Declaration of Independence: No longer do we hold these truths to be self-evident, we hold all truths to be self-evident, even the ones that aren’t true.
"You know, there is nothing we can do about damage to the TPS. If it has been damaged it’s probably better not to know. I think the crew would rather not know. Don’t you think it would be better for them to have a happy successful flight and die unexpectedly during entry than to stay on orbit, knowing that there was nothing to be done, until the air ran out?"  -- Jon Harpold, Director of Mission Operations, during STS-107
“One cloud is enough to eclipse all the sun” - Thomas Fuller
"The Russian tortoises underwent biological changes during the flight, but it was concluded that the changes were primarily due to starvation and that they were little affected by space travel."
"This sequence was based on an old radio play "The Dark" by Arch Oboler that I remember hearing a replay of on NPR when I was a kid and the sound effect that they used for the fog turning people inside out gave me nightmares (I have since read that it was achieved by pulling a wet rubber glove off next to the microphone)."
RIFA's class-X2 film capacitors, widely used in 1970s and 1980s equipment within mains filtering circuits, are well-known in hobbyist circles for their explosive failure mode after long periods of disuse.
In a few years there will be ATX CPU’s and you insert the motherboard into it.
<thomastheo> i like to keep things low current, on account of the whole heart fibrillation and death thing.
"This is the second such occurrence within the United Kingdom. Following a previous fatal accident in 1995, UK Sirocco aircraft were modified to address concerns over the design of the tailplane and its attachments. Although these modifications had been accomplished on G-MNDW, the tailplane had failed through loss of structural integrity and in a similar manner."
On the 18th of April 1930, the BBC announced that "there is no news" and played piano music instead.
"When the nurse went to place the foley she found the patient had modified his penis and it was split/bifurcated with multiple piercings to look like a cobra. The nurse did not know how to insert the foley."
<thomastheo> well, i googled penis splitting and now i regret that choice. people are weird, man.
There is nothing wrong with having assistants to make you more functional at your job. Having assistants that do your entire job for you, other than having Management Hair, means perhaps they should have your job.
"At this time the swimming pool will remain closed. This is due to the fact that at present we are unable to find an insurance policy that will allow us to continue to operate without lifeguards. Each year we have found it harder and harder to find insurance and this year we have been unable to find an insurer; not for the want of trying."
<electrokitty> Public pools are pretty disgusting when you think about it || Even with eye-burning amounts of chlorine it's still a giant shared bath with probably several litres of piss
The state fossil of Illinois is a strange creature with stalked eyes and a long nose-like appendage with teeth. It might be a vertebrate, but probably not.
<thomastheo> i just woke up and decided 'this is shit, i am bored, i will go to paris now'
Abbey Road station is always able to cheer up a Londoner when passing through. You'll not find another station on the network with a higher concentration of confused looking tourists.
<thomastheo> my big scintillator is still in a box in storage currently, so it's safe from nukes. except for the whole blast damage etc.
<sasamj> You know what would be a funny "prank" <sasamj> Put some cannabis in every luggage on a flight to Singapore and see how many people get hung
"Immediately after the aircraft became airborne, the first officer retracted the landing gear in order to achieve the maximum possible clearance from the fire vehicle. The commander of the aircraft then reported the incident to ATC in forcible terms."
"This gets to be the spectral chicken forever more as punishment. Next time AMD can try again, and if they manage to get their act together and publish something before I get to write the code and invent a name for a magical bit, they get to name it how they like."
<Gliptic> I need tab-completion for LunchBot
"The car was able to record an individual walking up to the Tesla and dousing it in gasoline before lighting on fire. That convinced the police that it was arson rather than the Tesla vehicle catching on fire spontaneously."
The FAA conducted testing and released a report which in summary states "the release of hydrogen gas from these flameless ration heaters is of a sufficient quantity to pose a potential hazard on board a passenger aircraft."
There's a whole "it's natural, so it's better" movement, but there's nothing actually natural about drinking milk from a cow, if you're not a cow.
<thomastheo> automatic mechanical bag squeezer. sounds dirty.
" The Agave worm was dropped into the tequila and a basic rule of thumb was that if the worm was still wriggling when it hit the bottom of the bottle, the liquor was safe to drink. If the worm died on the way down, the tequila was deemed unfit for human consumption."
A Dutch man suspected of fathering more than 550 children worldwide through sperm donations has been ordered to stop.
< orbbfrgg> I'm not gonna say no if somebody were to waltz into my bedroom wearing cat ears, I'm not an idiot
<SilverFox> it would cost me 160$ to get a 100A step down converter from aliexpres
If you know that platinum won't melt under about 3000° F. by itself, but will melt at the glance of a pair of deep blue eyes if you put it near a bar of lead, then you don't know how men make love in the twentieth century.
The English may not always be the best writers in the world, but they are incomparably the best dull writers.
Cows are large animals that are difficult to surprise and will generally resist attempts to be tipped. Estimates suggest a force of between 3,000 and 4,000 newtons (670 and 900 pounds-force) is needed, and that at least four and possibly as many as fourteen people would be required to achieve this.
<thomastheo> i guess you could always put a pan directly on top of your batteries and boil water that way, when you'e hooked them all up together. || <SilverFox> what would that be called || <jan> a fire
This drone bird is realistic, covert, light-weight, and unobtrusive. The subtlety and long-range capability of the AVES Series allows for a reliable way to monitor even the most challenging of environments. This stealthy drone bird is primarily for surveillance and reconnaissance. It is a fixed-wing unit with various uses, such as border control and observation. Typical customers include the defence industry, police, safeguards, and kingdoms.
"Air conditioning was a most important invention for us, perhaps one of the signal inventions of history. It changed the nature of civilization by making development possible in the tropics." -- Lee Kuan Yew (aka LKY), the founding father of Singapore
"I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, 'I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.'" -- Neil Gaiman
Governments are air-dropping oral vaccine packets coated with fish food for raccoons to gobble up.
"At least six riders sustained bone fractures after riding "Do-Dodonpa," a roller coaster that goes at "super death" speed in the country's popular Fuji-Q Highland Park, the park's operator said. Four of them said they broke their neck or back [...] The incidents are baffling officials."
"A few years ago we arrived at Walsall top lock to be met by the fire brigade, the opening sentence was "can you hang on a minute as we just have the one body left to retrieve"."
<thomastheo> besides, what if zombie lenin were to reanimate in the middle of the night
"I've heard that the thing to do is light a small wood/paper fire underneath an appliance or other plausible fire hazard, though that was from an arson investigator so he could have been giving me bad advice to make his job easier."
Charles II of Spain was his own cousin, his own cousin once removed, and his own second cousin. All of his eight great-grandparents were descendants of the same couple, and his mother had been his father's niece, making his grandmother also his aunt.
<sasamj> I thought you called chips "crisps" || TSMC is the largest manufacturer of crisps
<FLHerne> but it's IRC so I must accept the pedantic view
< thomastheo> it's like the worm equivalent of cropdusting a room with powerfarts and scooping them up as they head for the exit
"I asked some friends of mine if they thought I was a hipster, as I was into homebrewing beer, foreign folk songs, swing dance, and retro fashion. 'No,' was the immediate answer, 'you enjoy everything too *earnestly* to be a hipster.'"
<Gliptic> hamburger is the cyclic group of order 2 || that makes sense
An elderly man was killed after a cow, which apparently collided with a semi-high-speed Vande Bharat train, fell on him in Alwar district of Rajasthan. The incident occurred when the man was relieving himself on the railway track.
The Archbishop of Canterbury will then proclaim "God save the King", with all asked to respond: "God save King Charles. Long live King Charles. May the King live forever."
"Part of what makes people unpredictable is all of the hidden state that they maintain. Something to avoid in Python programs is mutable global variables, but people's heads are full of mutable globals."
In California bees are statutory fish. So are frogs.
"Fish" means a wild fish, mollusk, crustacean, invertebrate, amphibian, or part, spawn, or ovum of any of those animals. -- California Fish and Game Code § 45
Just fuck off with your teddy noisy cunt bearstard shitnic you festering turds, before I build a HERF gun and turn your sodding jingle box into a smoking wreck that goes WAAAAARRRRRRRK.
this is sketchy, want to get involved?
just go until it sounds expensive
Defence company Nammo said it is unable to expand its factory becuase a TikTok date centre that stores 'cat videos' is eating up all the electricity in the region.
The two most important days of a man’s life are the day on which he was born and the day on which he discovers why.
"Friends, that is not how O-rings work. If you put an O-ring inside a pipe and try to weld it, it’ll melt, ruin the weld, and probably catch fire. Don’t try that."
Firefox's spellchecker does not recognize the word "velociraptor", and will suggest that you replace it with "velocipede".
"Slavery was not genocide, otherwise there wouldn’t be so many damn blacks in Africa or in Britain would there? You know, an awful lot of them survived." -- David Starkey
<@SilverFox> I swore to my gf that I would never touch UDMH
"Maybe I just think I'm clever, but I'm actually very stupid." -- Linus Torvalds
<sasamj> i know another game, you jerk off into a hat and whoever can't cum puts the hat on their head, i forget the name
"If the tree refused to budge, the old man merely screwed down the knurled nut of the safety valve and then waited, placidly puffing at a stubby pipe, until steam pressure was sufficient to overcome stubborn tree roots. I watched this proceeding from a distance."
A doghouse that was struck by a meteorite fragment in April 2019 -- complete with a hole in the roof -- was sold at auction for $44,000.
<orbbfrgg> The Simpsons is probably most people's cultural touch point for what a nuclear reactor should look like
A "lasagna cell" is accidentally produced when salty moist food such as lasagna is stored in a steel baking pan and is covered with aluminium foil.
<Nvidiot> If you have an always-on power wire (for example for a fridge in a caravan trailer) in the 7-pin plug in your car then when you hook that to a 13-pin connector on the trailer you get... an always-on fog light ||  <jan> well, at lest it's not fire
"Sharp had asked for no prison time, telling United States District Judge Katherine Polk Failla that the cyberattack was actually an "unsanctioned security drill" that left Ubiquiti "a safer place for itself and for its clients.""
<thomastheo> if you could see the difficulty i have to go through to filter oil mist from an oil sealed rotary vacuum pump, it isnt easy. i tried to diy an oil mist eliminator with n95 material but failed hilariously
"He crashed the plane on purpose, then got a helicopter to lift it out and put it in a hanger at an airport. He then cut up the plane into tiny bits and dumped it in the trash in various bins on the airport."
"<sasamj> I for one support the segregation of races"
[at the end of an incoherent ramble posted to /r/physics] "I just took 400ug so i probably make no sense"
"Development of the N-69 Snark dragged on with many failures which caused wags to jest of the “Snark Infested Waters” off Cape Canaveral Space Force Station."
"A mallet was used to drive the orbitoclast through the thin layer of bone and into the brain along the plane of the bridge of the nose, around 15 degrees toward the interhemispherical fissure."
"... demand in the Soviet Union for a guard dog that was cold tolerant down to −30 – −40 °C (−22 – −40 °F) and highly adaptable to different structures and environments, such as warehouses, railroads, labor camps and infrastructure. In response to this demand. the Central School of Military Dog Breeding, a department of the USSR Ministry of Defense, developed the Russian watchdog
< sasamj> eww gross if im gonna get something printed on my GPU its gonna be an anime girl with a huge dick
"As the final mouse is anaesthetized, it became routine for our laboratory to play Jeff Buckley's song Hallelujah. By the time Buckley croons of the secret chord that David played, our surgical tools are pinching and pulling organs from the last rodent's body and placing them on ice. "
<jan> you wouldn't get a proper mouse homogenizer unless you had significant mouse homogenization needs
You studied for 15 years but somewhere out there there's a nerdy teen who learned Vue.js in 2 months on Udemy and made a Tinder for Cats app that's making more money than you're ever gonna make in your entire career.
<jan> a friend i knew in HS found out he was dead when he went to vote once
<Gliptic> they discovered some years ago that anyone could just send a death declaration to the tax office in Sweden and some people had been declared dead by randoms
He said another passenger remarked that when other countries had technical problems, it involved the air conditioning breaking down. "In Austria, the technical problem is Hitler."
"In Austria, the technical problem is Hitler."
"The assessment over Zoom, with a clinic called Harley Psychiatrists, costs £685 and takes 45 minutes."
"We found the people who didn’t have ID were elderly and they by and large voted Conservative, so we made it hard for our own voters and we upset a system that worked perfectly well." -- Jacob Rees-Mogg
"John Cena surprises 7 year old boy with cancer on his birthday"
"Gwynedd: New 'multi-purpose' sheep bred successfully" -- BBC News
< Nvidiot> I have an umbrella permanently stored in the trunk of my car. It's been useful, especially on days where they said "Dry and sunny all day"
"Accents are just mouth fonts"
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FLHerne'); DROP TABLE stupid;--
"Vertical launch companies should not need much runway, but this is a company that did a power slide launch, after all."
<orbbfrgg> You could buy any currently available Tesla with 400 kegs of beer's worth of money
<electrokitty> Jam sandwiches are disgusting
"Polaris's boilers had been tampered with by one of the crew. The special blubber-fired boilers had disappeared, apparently thrown overboard"
Living one's life almost exclusively online allows a person to only exist in circles where everyone agrees with them. The moment another perspective comes into play, they treat it like an attack or betrayal.
Tests by Environment Agency in March found 27,200 units of harmful E. coli were found in 100ml of water. Swimming beaches should not exceed 88 units per 100ml and beaches not designated for bathing should not exceed 406 units per 100ml
<SilverFox> the destruction of fatherhood and the nuclear family has more devastating consequences than the industrial revolution
Wally Conron, creator of the labradoodle, describes the idea as his "life's regret".
"I have an issue with overheating as negative currently goes all the way to the last battery, and when microwave is on it melts."
Berger's Law: If a rocket is predicted to make its debut in Q4 of a calendar year, and that quarter is six or more months away, the launch will be delayed.
<jan> i'd guess anything that is complicated enough to randomly catch on fire has a license
"Knuth has shown us here how to program intelligibly, but not wisely. I buy the discipline. I do not buy the result. He has fashioned a sort of industrial strength Faberge egg – intricate, wonderfully worked, refined beyond all ordinary desires, a museum piece from the start." -- Doug McIlroy
"When I had my boat replated a few years ago I left everything in place - I'd insulated with that highly compressed foil backed stuff from Pilkingtons. No problems at all. Time before it was all polystyrene sheets, which caught fire nicely."
<electrokitty> I must admit I am rather glad I don't have to regularly disassemble my house for maintenance
The Menheniot rail crash occurred because two train guards both happened to be called Dick.
In an August 3 announcement, the Air Force recommended using Angry Kitten for actual combat.
< jan> i am a bit slow, sometimes
<thomastheo> one large sack of poo for only 1.50 sounds like a bargain
An employment tribunal at London Central Court also heard that Ms Gasparova thought her superior’s renaming a file with his initials ‘AJG’ was actually an acronym for ‘A Jumbo Genital’.
<thomastheo> what, you dont like your food looking like it has come straight out of an enrichment centrifuge?
<sasamj> Is child labor law way overkill o'er in Europe like it is in NA
<orbbfrgg> One day programmers and their ilk will learn how metaphors work and the world will suffer a technological collapse because it turned out that the entire technological infrastructure was relying on a bunch of people who can only understand things literally
<orbbfrgg> Like what the fuck is a potato
<electrokitty> Mmm, beaver anus.
"The inventor stands ready to demonstrate the economies of this engine, on any kind of paper, either with pen and ink or with a soft lead pencil with a rubber tip."
An Essex couple have spent 10 months seeking compensation after 18 escaped water buffaloes stampeded through their garden, with eight of them taking a morning dip in their new swimming pool.
Spaceteam is "a cooperative shouting game for phones and tablets"
<orbbfrgg> "the good news is we've invented time travel, the bad news is it only works on mud"
<@WeylandsWings> I mean the solution seems kinda obvious. Nuke the moon to create nice glassy landing pads || <@WeylandsWings> Oh if only it was the 60s again.
"It's not a permanent street closure," he said. "These bollards are not meant to in any way have the official jurisdiction that it is a street closure."
<thomastheo> maybe they plan to extrude people through the tunnel like in a sausage maker
"For new variants of ordnance they would have to get to the ordnance, do one step of the procedure and come back to the shore and write down what they did or were about to do in case it detonated & killed them so the next guy would know what not to do."
"I have seen a small tugboat towing a barge; a man pulling a firetruck. Before writing off this idea completely, can someone address what's stopping a fighter plane from towing a passenger jet if a proper point of harness is installed?"
"The first eighteen people named have no known grave, and this crater is their resting place." -- RAF Fauld memorial
<raptop> Not sure of the context, so I'm going to assume that Gliptic is 3D-printing organs || <Gliptic> just running over a non-converging series of people with a train || <raptop> Oh, carry on
First rule of bench power supplies is never adjust the voltage whilst the supply is on.
<SilverFox> jan, tbf the odds are significantly higher than average <raptop> SilverFox: ...do you pair that with poutine or something? <SilverFox> naw just straight boiled gatorade
"Dude, it’s like you just played four 5/5 creatures with trample on my skull.  My nerd-fu is weak."
"Array + Array is... emptystring. Obviously... I think that's obvious to anyone."
"It was a rather dangerous experiment, as evidenced by the unfortunate Georg Wilhelm Reichmann. He also attempted to reproduce the experiment, but a glowing ball of charge traveled down the string, jumped to his forehead, and killed him instantly."
"This business ran fairly lean until Virgin Orbit was separated from its parent company in 2017, and Branson hired Hart, who had spent decades as a system engineer at Boeing’s Space division, as its president."
<sasamj> I wanna put 6 giant pulse jets on the back of a pickup and run it through the neighborhood at 3:30am
"'Rob,' My Red Button is bigger, better, stronger, and is working (TRUTH!), yours does not! (per my conversation with Kim Jung Un, of North Korea, soon to become my friend!)," Mr Trump wrote
Hashes are perhaps the holy-grail of computer-science. With a good hash, we can just side-step all the hard problems by trading them for an even harder problem (hash collisions), and then we just ignore that harder problem. Brilliant.
"While the lander estimated its own altitude to be zero, or on the lunar surface, it was later determined to be at an altitude of approximately 5 kms above the lunar surface."
"But it still does the same job, it's still a boat - sharp at one end and blunt at the other, and that wet stuff we go out on hasn't changed a lot; it's still cold and horrible." -- Lifeboat coxswain Nicky King
Low-flying military planes caused the plaintiffs' chickens to "jump up against the side of the chicken house and the walls and burst themselves open and die". The plaintiffs sued the government.
[01:37] <orbbfrgg> Apparently my friend tried to call me 11 minutes ago but I know he's a chronic drinker who gets very dramatic after some beers so I have put my phone on aeroplane mode || Hopefully he wasn't about to be murdered
"The guidance, which was reportedly published between 2008 and 2011, required investigators to give sub-postmasters under suspicion a number, according to their racial background. The numbered categories on the document include 'Chinese/Japanese types', 'Dark Skinned European Types' and 'Negroid Types'"
"Whoever told me to leave my car at the pub and take the bus home, turns out I was in no fit state to drive that either."
< thomastheo> imagine the lore about that fateful day, if worms had an oral history
<thomastheo> sending one of those giant narrowboats down a canal does seem a little bit like swallowing a twix whole.
Matt Crolla, 28, from Manchester, won the first race. The women's race was won by Delaney Irving who was knocked unconscious as she chased the cheese.
Branded with a friendly frog motif, the Hop! buses will also have a unique sound, with all three buses fitted with a distinctive ‘ribbit’-effect bell.
"The prototype of the Turkish national fighter launched its own engines and at one time moved along the runway due to the thrust of the jet engines, so it successfully passed the first test of ground tests."
"Qualcomm’s camera driver for these particular devices appears to be faulty, resulting in the camera refusing to work after the system date hits May 23rd, 2023."
In 2006, the ban on cosmonauts drinking on the International Space Station (ISS) was proposed to be lifted, though champagne was still regarded as too dangerous, as the pressurised bottle could have "unpredictable" recoil when opened, or explode while still sealed.
Lawyer Steven Schwartz of the firm Levidow, Levidow, & Oberman "greatly regrets having utilized generative artificial intelligence to supplement the legal research performed herein and will never do so in the future without absolute verification of its authenticity."
According to Transport & Environment, a flight from Paris to New York would need fat from 8,800 dead pigs.
<orbbfrgg> See, everyone else "knows how to do things" but it's all cargo cult, they don't know how it works. They perform the action, if the action doesn't work then they don't know what to do.
"An Icelandic whaler, Kristján Loftsson, is powering his whaling ships using "biofuel" composed of 80% diesel – and 20% whale oil. Loftsson claims the oil is additionally friendly to the environment as it is rendered out of whale blubber using heat from Iceland's volcanic vents."
"20th-century whaling operations in the Southern Ocean made similar use of penguins, throwing the oil-rich animals on fires as living kindling."
"That work started as a $4.4 million contract modification in 2011, but Northrop ultimately charged NASA $253 million for the work."
"I found out during a drunk phone call from my mother it was because she attempted to shoot my father in the face with a .303 but it didn’t go off when she pulled the trigger as there were no bullets. They were both horrified and just stared at each other apparently. They're still together."
"I regret that my fondness for cows, combined with an overactive imagination, may have carried me beyond what is comprehensible." -- Gary Larson
"In 1996 [Robert Bigelow] bought a 480-acre Utah cattle ranch that some believe is the site of an interdimensional doorway used by alien shape-shifters and stationed watchers there."
<thomastheo> there was also an incident once where another member made red fuming nitric acid and just left it there, uncapped, unattended. I got a frantic call from the board saying 'wtf do we do'
<thomastheo> poor OVH, you burn down one datacenter due to gross negligence and they never let you forget it
<thomastheo> it's too bad boats can't levitate. that would be very useful.
<Gliptic> you have to adjust the age of consent to moth years
<XXCoder> if at bare world (livable but barely any organic stuff) demonic possesition is viable source of lots of organic matter | just look at tiny girl vomiting 10x body mass in vomit | just do it to some adult and cure and repeat till have lots of organic stuff
Wire harnesses covered in tape. The tape is now determined to be flammable.  Boeing is standing down the preps for the CFT mission.
<electrokitty> I was *joking* earlier about [Starliner] being delayed until 2024
ZLSA: i’ve resigned myself to being single for a long time to come || the advice of “go to places you enjoy to find someone kinda similar” doesn’t work because i enjoy being at home
<orbbfrgg> I need a tomboy swamp queen to put me in the bog and treat me like the little frogge I am mate. I need them to put up with my goblin shenanigans. It ain't gonna happen on a dating app.
<Nvidiot> I mean, with enough current any resistor is a fuse
"I can use blue painters tape and CA glue to hold parts to the mill because I'm Built Different" -BPS Space
Make injections and decapitation quicker and easier with Braintree Scientific's DecapiCones. Tapered plastic film tubes provide quick and easy restraint of rats, mice, and other small animals. I.P. injections can be made directly through the film!
<@electrokitty> Aw, it's less funny if it gets used for decapitation
DecapiCones restrain post-decapitation kicking and prevent personal contact with feces or urine. A unique dispenser holds DecapiCones open and ready for use.
**Sold for research purposes only and not for human use**
"After Dia’s death, Belgian universities sought to make sure that the autumn initiation rituals for first-year students would be less degrading."
"My first statement, in the calmest voice I could muster, was “take the ship to emergency stations”.  This triggered a number of pre-programmed responses, thankfully none of which included staring at me anymore."
"At some point we were asked by the FERC to pass the name of the island we were due to hit. Imagine our delight when we discovered it was called Desolation Island. From what we could see in the approaching gloom the waves smashing up the vertical rocks looked particularly rubbish."
" I was keen that no one injured themselves now that the situation was stabilising. This was the thrust of my pipe – let’s do whatever we can to keep the ship afloat, but the moment for mad-bravery has passed. 30 seconds later we had a new casualty as they cut through a cable that was assumed to be dead without wearing the insulating gloves that were in a locker 20 yards away…"
<electrokitty> On the positive side, you can now remove objects from your own anus
"Perhaps my factories will put an end to war sooner than your congresses: on the day that two army corps can mutually annihilate each other in a second, all civilised nations will surely recoil with horror and disband their troops." -- Alfred Nobel
<raptop> With this channel, "i am high" could mean drugs or you're IRCing from a planet
<SilverFox> Springs are just solid liquid pressure
"I sand away the bottom of the chip till I hit the die and leads, then I cut the chip smaller with a Dremel. The end result is 10x10x2mm, and surface mountable."
<TrueBrain> okay ... if I would have ignored that comment, I would have understood much more of what is happening
<thomastheo> alternatively, make a collapsable radar reflector with a servo, and blink at the aircraft radar in morse code. that would be novel
< orbbfrgg> Tbh just last week I heard somebody say they were gonna stick their knob in somebody's curry until they realized it would be very painful to them
"When hearing he wasn't facing imminent death, he felt very upset and wanted revenge."
electrokitty: Better start rubbing your penis on things to appear more normal
"We lost a bottle of gin *and* a bottle of chilli sauce, and a mixture of both these and broken glass is good for nothing."
<@SilverFox> but I would rather die from eating the deliciousness than live a life without it
<thomastheo> it apparently does it by rubbing its penis against its abdomen, producing more than 90 decibels
< thomastheo> i had some really good cheese earlier, but i'm pretty sure now my burps could peel the wallpaper off the walls
"Fulton continued to experiment with live pigs, as pigs have a nervous system close to humans. Lifted off the ground, the pig began to spin as it flew through the air at 125 mph (200 km/h). It arrived on board uninjured but in a disoriented state."
<@electrokitty> You lot seem oddly knowledgable about starting workplace fires.
"Memory leaks on missiles don't matter, so long as the missile explodes before too much leaks"
"Binance's CCO (chief compliance officer) bluntly admitted to another Binance compliance officer in December 2018, 'we are operating as a fking unlicensed securities exchange in the USA bro,' according to the lawsuit."
"Got a mate who dropped a hatchback body onto a Nissan 4x4 chassis because, well beer I suppose but anyway seemed like a good idea at the time and then it worked."
"Cooperation mode: we cite the content of your journal in our articles, thus increasing ... your impact factor in 2022. You shall help us shorten the publication time. Payment: If an article is successfully published, we will pay for it at the price: IF*1000 USD/article. For example, with IF=2.36, total payment=2.36*1000 USD=2360USD. And this price is negotiable."
"I'm wondering if I could have a 70'x14' boat made and register it as 14' long and 70' wide, thereby enjoying a very favourable licence fee."
The frogs were preserved in a "standard froggy position, fairly rigid and not super floppy."
"Someone driving by heard a loud bang looked in his rear view mirror and saw a locomotive apparently fall out of the sky and into the roadway behind him.  He was probably thinking that is not something you see every day when the second one landed."
SilverFox: THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR THE MINES
<thomastheo> maybe just have a type specimen for every chair, and set up some kind of binomial nomenclature and classification system
<orbfrg>  Did you accidentally go out of bounds in reality and noclip into the top of a cathedral (again)
<orbbfrgg>   Being terrified constantly makes sense for a guinea pig || You're basically walking Greggs
<orbfrg> Lmao I love your dog || He's lovely but so persistent that it seems artificial || If you were in a videogame and warped to another area somehow he would just slowly meet you there || And then stand around
<electrokitty> Is that a theramin stuffed inside a taxidermy badger? || <FLHerne> yes || <electrokitty> Why. || <FLHerne> What else do you do with a dead badger || <electrokitty>  FLHerne: well, not that
<orbfrg> Every morning I wake up at 5am and experience what can only be described as aaaaaaaaaa
"6 honks across more than 200 cars in three major cities! This gives us the confidence that our AVs mostly drive in peace, unless they see the need to honk." -- cruise
<orbbfrgg> Man when you *peer into* the gelatinous food prison it's like an entire infinite tesseract of disgust
<dnsmcbr> yellow mustard is a crime || i have spoken
Centrifugal compressors, sometimes called impeller compressors or radial compressors, are a sub-class of dynamic axisymmetric work-absorbing turbomachinery.
"Her paddlewheels and sponsons were removed, and her steam engine replaced with four Rolls-Royce Derwent V engines mounted above and outboard of the hull."
"We are making marvelous progress. We humans are really growing rapidly now. It is largely a product of television and communications. Our attitudes are changing with remarkable speed. I am glad to be in drama, because I think that I, along with other writers, can make great changes in our world because of the power of sound and image that is often as real to people as their own lives." -- Gene Roddenberry
"I used to tell people 'Just be yourself.' And then I realized that myself is actually kinda charming and handsome so it turns out that that's not good advice for other people. Be me instead."
The smell of impacted anal glands is really disturbing for other cats.
For the least happy group, happiness rises with income until $100,000, then shows no further increase as income grows. For those in the middle range of emotional well-being, happiness increases linearly with income, and for the happiest group the association actually accelerates above $100,000.
"Commercial space is really just a name for a different government procurement method." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin
Normal human diastolic blood pressure is sufficiently high that, contrary to oft-repeated myth, a person’s blood will not boil in a vacuum.
<thomastheo> mostly males so far, looking for sexy time || <electrokitty> How can you tell? ||  <thomastheo> general body shape, and the pedipalps
"And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel... well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course."
"The balanced rudder was invented by Isambard Kingdom Brunel and first used on the SS Great Britain, launched in 1843. However balanced rudders were in use much earlier, seen in Ming China's treasure ships in the early 15th century."
<electrokitty> IIRC, sulfuric is better at dissolving bodies than HF
"Potatoes are better than human blood for making space concrete bricks, scientists say"
StarCrete, a material made of potato starch, salt and simulated Mars or moon dirt, is twice as strong as conventional concrete, its creators say.
"Concrete from the researchers' trials using blood and urine also produced strengths above traditional mixtures, measuring around 40 MPa. These bricks' construction, however, would require that astronauts repeatedly drain their own bodily fluids, which was viewed as a drawback."
Astronauts probably don't want to be living in houses made from scabs and urine.
"They saw a flat fish as well as a new type of shrimp. Marine biologists later disputed their observations, claiming that no fish could survive the 17,000 psi pressure at such depths. Upon discovering cracks in the viewing windows, Piccard cut the voyage short."
"The Russian military was forced to delete a video which had claimed to show the destruction of a western-made Leopard tank earlier this week, after it turned out to be a training video targeting a combine harvester."
<electrokitty> The trick is blowing up someone else's combine harvester, then you don't have to pay for it
< orbbfrgg> If you can eat a partially decomposing body you can eat out of date ham
<thomastheo> we've been toiling away all day being stupid without any consequence whatsoever. it's just not right.
"I strongly suspect I *am* one of those "woke communists" you worry about. But you probably couldn’t actually explain what *either* of those words actually mean, could you?" -- Linus Torvalds
<thomastheo> if a roast chicken retained some sense of consciousness, it would probably be pretty upset
<thomastheo> my stolen bike is possibly the best bike ive ever owned <thomastheo> 10/10 would steal again
<thomastheo> just yesterday i was biking home with a big box with a fan in it, through a stupidly busy city center. a bit stressful with only one brake handle
<sasamj> "mechanical horse attachment for cosplay" sounds like something... uh... nvm
<thomastheo> standing in the sun playing your trombone while wearing a bearskin hat is all fun and games until you pass out and shit your trousers in front of all your colleagues and the royal family
<electrokitty> Glowstick goo tastes awful
Charles Lindbergh was the 92nd person to fly across the Atlantic.
<electrokitty> Lol, I just checked my local-ish tiny one and they boast on the website about being covid safe because they pump the room full of ozone o_o
<orbbfrgg> > "orrite lads, we're all big grown up lads here, two to a cubicle/urinal ay it"
"River Trent: Unsalted | Shark Free"
< thomastheo> takeaway is, drink tea in the nude, on the roof in the shade with a stiff breeze, if you want to cool down.
<McMartin> Someone charged $150 for a "full contact experience" (their words) with their leopard || This worked until someone, in fact, got their face eaten
>  Truss has reportedly abstained in the claimed confidence vote in herself. The Chief Whip says "I'm fucking furious and I don't give a fuck anymore", left the chamber, and can't be found.
Do things the wrong way but faster
<electrokitty> Oh, I misread series as parallel
The reason airfoils generate lift is because the full form of Navier-Stokes equations get so ugly that Earth pushes them away.
"<FLHerne> no other game has a mandatory soap economy"
"...allowed the researchers to recover the private SIKE key of a Samsung Galaxy S8 phone by training the camera of an iPhone 13 on the power LED of a USB speaker connected to the handset."
"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, the chief executive of Cyclone Power Technologies
<thomastheo> the other one was plant determination. when they plonk a pile of leaves and branches in front of you and you have to tell them what it is <thomastheo> weird exam
<thomastheo> i kind of like the smell of bleach.
There’s no evidence at all that apple cider vinegar will make your penis bigger, but you might end up with some serious damage down there if you try
< orbbfrgg> I love trump supporters
"Disclaimer: This is a GAG gift (literally). Do not actually swallow the baby. By purchasing this you acknowledge that swallowing a sharp plastic object is stupid and waive all rights to legal action in the event of injury or death."
<electrokitty> I mean, if your blood suddenly turns acidic I think you'd know about it
<FLHerne> orbbfrgg: the Pub offered to lynch someone for me, Y/N
< sasamj> man you sound like sasamj
< orbbfrgg> My sexual awakening as a child involved a film with cartoon anthro animals
<SilverFox> ayo bro are you maintaining a healthy jackoff/day ratio?
<sasamj> im not a jew or a muslim
"When we genetically modify our bodies in the future, will we engineer periods away or will we turn them way up until the blood jet can knock out small game from twenty paces away, like an archerfish crossed with that lizard that shoots blood from its eyes?"
<sasamj> pushing a baby's skull through your pelvis is really shit || <SilverFox> yeah but I think pushing a baby through a penis is worse
<@SilverFox> I have diet coke, mentos, and an asshole. I'm going to do some experiments.
<sasamj> I love this country and I worship my flag and bow 6 times a day to Washington's birthplace
Puckle demonstrated two configurations of the basic design: one, intended for use against Christian enemies, fired conventional round bullets, while the second, designed to be used against the Muslim Turks, fired square bullets.
"My frustration at the wasted potential of Altered Carbon inspired my upcoming novella, THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTIES OF CHEESE. Altered Carbon had so much cool worldbuilding, and yet all of its interesting ideas were shoved aside to make room for gritty-man noir action-wankery." -- Ann LeBlanc
<electrokitty> They wouldn't be called extremists if their methods weren't, y'know, extreme
<electrokitty> Sometimes you wonder why the power [to an entire room] doesn't work and it's because someone unplugged it
FLHerne: no cables have melted since my first week of ownership
At that time, a human body would receive ~100 trillion neutrinos, vastly less than a lethal dose of radiation.
About 600 years later, detection of those neutrinos will give humans on Earth (if there are any 100,000 + 600 years from now) their first hint of the events to come.
<orbbfrgg> I had a dream in which a species of frogge would eat mosquitoes full of human blood, then lay eggs that would eventually become human-frogge hybrids that would seek out their doubles and kill them in a futile attempt to replace them like a typical doggelganger
<electrokitty> Dude reeling off average penile lengths to the nearest 1/2 inch from memory
<SilverFox> this just in, blind people are clinically insane
<FLHerne> SilverFox: there was a moderately famous case of lifeboat cannibalism
The case marked the culmination of a long history of attempts by the law, in the face of a bank of public opinion sympathetic to famished castaways, to outlaw the custom of cannibalism (cases of which were little-publicised until after the death of perpetrators) and it became a legal cause célèbre in late 19th century Britain, particularly among mariners.
"On January 2, 2014, a fire partially destroyed the organization's High Voltage Lab, and deposited soot all over the lab. A grub screw on a Tesla coil rotary spark gap was not tight enough, allowing a tungsten electrode to move out of its socket and strike one of the stationary electrodes. This resulted in a chain reaction with molten tungsten being flung from the spark gap unit, which caused a nearby capacitor array to catch fire and subsequently melt."
<thomastheo> I stole another bicycle
"At some point, safety just is a pure waste"-Stockton Rush
David Henderson, chief executive officer of industry lobby group Water UK, claimed the issue of gallons of raw sewage being spewed out on a daily basis became such a hot topic only because more people had taken up water pursuits such as cold-water swimming.
"Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg agree to hold cage fight" -- BBC News
The DisplayPort to HDMI bridge chip in the Mac Mini and 14"/16" MacBook Pros (MDCP29xx) uses a V186 CPU core. That's an Intel 80186 clone, running good old 16-bit x86 real mode code.
"When David Pogue questions him about the 'jerry-rigged' nature of some components, Rush says that the company has worked with Nasa and Boeing to ensure the safety of the pressure vessel – the most important part of the sub. 'Everything else can fail. Your thrusters can go, your lights can go – you're still going to be safe.'"
< thomastheo> 'lost favor' because it made you ooze uncontrollably from the bum
"And y'know I've broken some rules to make this. I think I've broken them with logic and good engineering, but I mean the carbon fibre and titanium, there's a rule that you don't do that- well, I did." -Stockton Rush
"Dear Candidate, I'm glad that you labelled your drawing of a pipette, because I thought it was a fish. Sadly, though, a pipette was not a helpful item of apparatus in this context. Yours, The Examiner"
"He didn't remember which button is 'move forward' on his own sub. Anyone who has ever held a controller should recognize that as deeply troubling."
"Oh, so that was why we were spinning on the platform."
> This really struck home for her when she fed the program three photos from an enormous explosion and fire in Hemel Hempstead, UK. "It looked at it and thought it was *great*".
"When looking at the output, she could understand why it had made the mistakes it had, in determining that the explosion was fun, beautiful, and awesome."
Just as we’ve strewn the oceans with plastic trash and filled the atmosphere with carbon dioxide, so we’re about to fill the Internet with blah.
<thomastheo> jan: the phtalates also act as a mosquito repellent, and the design is a very effective human contraceptive
"We have heard the baseless cries of 'you are going to kill someone' way too often. I take this as a serious personal insult." -- Stockton Rush
<Nvidiot> Who says you need to be a girl? If you're just showing feet...
SilverFox: its funny cause that is the case for everyone basically, and in job interviews they'll be like "forget everything you learned in college cause you won't need it here" then you be like "okay yeah I didn't go to college" and they're like "well now you're not qualified to work here"
"My reaction was, ChatGPT is finding that case somewhere. Maybe it's unpublished. Maybe it was appealed. Maybe access is difficult to get. I just never thought it could be made up." -- Steven Schwartz after citing several made-up cases in court
<orbbfrgg> For a bunch of smart people you ain't half thick
<electrokitty> Hm, the crocodile is taller than the pantograph
"About a third of amateur requests, 9% of all submissions, display paranoia or delusions of grandeur." -- "Responding to Mechanical Antigravity", NASA Breakthrough Propulsion Project
"For lack of a suitable article in the criminal code applying to tanks, the person who drove the tank, one Vlasov, was charged with car theft and convicted."
"and this time it has a steel rim so if we have shrapnel it's going to be much more excite- exciting because it's a steel shrapnel"
Animals such as H. zschokkei were [probably] originally cancerous growths in free-swimming jellyfish that escaped their parent organism and thereafter became a separate species parasitizing other animals.
"And they’d cut out the Horse at one end of this little green valley, ten times bigger than a real horse and, if you didn’t look at it with your mind right, the wrong shape, too. Yet they must have known horses, owned horses, seen them every day, and they weren’t stupid people just because they lived a long time ago."
<@SilverFox> unfortunately since I started my meds I haven't had any urges to play video games
<SilverFox> now getting into the differences on sexually exploiting your body vs inhaling aluminium shards in a refinery exploitation is a whole debate
<orbbfrgg> My pet theory is that Tourette's syndrome is the inversion of OCD whereby the intrusive thoughts have to just be expelled verbally as a reflex
"All the websites that ive looked it up on described it by saying that one of these [long-necked avocados] can produce 12 slices of avocado toast, which is the whitest form of measurement i've ever heard"
<SilverFox> its obviously a statement of zero logic so you can't apply anything to it at all
<jan> hm, the lemon tree i got came with some clothes moths
In the future our lives will be infused by 6G-powered #MixedReality, at a very high speed (up to 200 Gbps)
<@SilverFox> so for 7 weeks straight I submitted the same empty question document and got 10/10 on it every time
< electrokitty> Not accusing mine of not reading essays or anything, but I definitely noticed my averages going up after I started submitting them in LaTeX
<thomastheo> while they do have a heart, they use gut peristalsis to move their haemolymph around in the legs for gas exchange
<thomastheo> nothing says royalty like coloring your gown with the mucus from ten thousand crushed up sea snails
Psychiatrists and headshrinkers from realm to realm associate dreams of flight with sex for a reason. The thematic and mechanical differences are obvious — fewer bodily fluids tend to be involved in flight if all goes well, and the typical flight's also short on funny faces. But there's a breathless novelty to the first touch of both that experience tends to mellow.
"The company is refusing me intermittent leave for doctors' appointments following up on my pulmonary embolism...because I took parent leave last year."
"...direct current. As opposed to alternating current, this is a form of electricity flow that is less powerful and easier to cut off."
"Wow" -- Tory Bruno
"Morocco offered the U.S. forces a large number of monkeys, some from Morocco's Atlas Mountains and others imported, to use them for detonating land mines planted by the Iraqis. The publication quoted a highly-informed source as saying, "that is not a scientific illusion but a well-known military tactic.""
A 1993 survey of police departments in the 50 largest cities in the United States revealed that a third of them had accepted predictions from psychic detectives in the past
"There seem to be five wings in the lower section, and two sets of five wings in the upper section,making a total of 15 wings. It is not clear if the rows of curved things count as wings or what."
"Using a screwdriver was not a normal part of the experimental protocol."
"Officials suspect that a component of the anesthetic was contaminated, resulting in the pathogenic fungus 'Fusarium solani' being injected directly into people's spinal cords."
<sasamj> Do you think a guy taking fent won't suck a dick for a hit
"I think we should let the victim decide whether they get deported back to get stoned to death on a case by case basis, but that’s just me."
"Bugs: Rarely, if using low (less than 0.1) physics warp on EVA, your kerbal will go flying off at about 7x light speed"
<electrokitty> I don't justify the existance of things by whether or not they can be used as a house, nor as a tea-making facility
"The electric car is perfectly noiseless and clean. There is no smell or vibration. They should become very useful when fixed charging stations can be arranged." -- Charles Stewart Rolls, 1900
Most people don't give a thruppenny fuck about their freedom to view and edit the source code of the software they use, which they would not know how to do even if they cared.
<electrokitty> Is drug driving still a crime in states where it's not ill eagle
"One of the things you have to do when you’re running a launch-vehicle company is test your engines," Pythom engineer Jamie Hadden told commissioners earlier this month.
"You can drink [hydrogen peroxide] and your body breaks it down into water. It is 100% safe my homie. Great water alternative in a pinch."
"The onboard computers decided the rocket was 90 degrees off course"
<thomastheo> it's worse when you're working with perchloric acid, as it can make the ducting itself explosive
"Unlike the homes of most of the rich and infamous, the Prigozhin pad also had a framed photo of severed heads."
<thomastheo> i feel similarly about mechanical organs as jan feels about insects
<SilverFox> I had a dream once where my dick grew really big and then just fell off
Life pro tip: if you want to murder someone, do it with a car and make it look like an accident.
" It's wonderful if we can teach machines to think like we do, but why settle for thinking like a human if you can be a god?" -- Garry Kasparov
OSAM-1, scheduled for launch in 2025, will attempt to prove that a servicing satellite can stick a refueling probe into the fuel tank of the Landsat 7 satellite "and not blow it up."
"America is a death cult whose vast wealth is fueled by killing in a thousand different forms. Nothing in humanity's past or present even comes close to it. [...] There's only one possible undertaking that could shift the U.S. economy away from death toward life: space exploration."
"While hackers can be very good at designing interfaces for other hackers, they tend to be poor at modeling the thought processes of the other 95 percent of the population." -- Eric S. Raymond
"We are not even worthy to lick your toenails free of grit and fluffy sock detritus," PC Zone wrote in a public letter to id. "We genuflect deeply and offer our bare chests for you to stab with a pair of scissors."
"The fatal outcome some patients experienced in earlier times was due to a cheese-like presentation of the lungs"
Every heartwarming human interest story in America is like 'He raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine' and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used.
Mug: a container for beverages, a face, an idiot, verb meaning to rob someone.
During the 1820s, English geologist William Buckland conducted an experiment to see how long a toad could remain alive while encased in stone. He placed toads of different sizes and ages into carved chambers within limestone and sandstone blocks sealed with glass covers, then buried the blocks in his garden. A year later, he dug up the blocks and found that most of the toads were dead
In late 2014, the company offered to replace the "Play-Doh Cake Mountain" playset's extruder tool, for free, after receiving complaints about the tool's "phallic shape".
"The toad has since shrunk, suggesting that it cannot have been very old at the time of its discovery."
"Indifferent to this scientific debate, Eastland locals instead ascribed the horned toad's "miraculous" survival for thirty-one years to the presence of the Bible in the time capsule."
<electrokitty> I think I did sort of suspect it might be salt because of the grain size, but I was already committed at that point
"The lizard was transported to Washington, D.C. where Texas Senator Earle Bradford Mayfield presented the specimen to President Calvin Coolidge. A bemused Coolidge purportedly declined to touch the horned toad and merely nudged it with his spectacles."
Cheese is a surprisingly good model for humans in the context of a test of survivability. If cheese gets too hot, too cold, depressurizes, or shakes too much, it ceases to be cheese.
"Having seen jellified human remains that had been rotting in the summer heat when I was a firefighter, this isn’t it. [...] You'd see visible skeletal remains if this were actual churned up humans."
"Any fabrications would most likely have been created using dead rats, given how difficult the process would be if the rats were alive."
"What he doesn't know can't hurt him, so he's basically invincible."
Pocari Sweat was launched in 1980 in Japan by Rokuro Harima, an Otsuka Pharmaceutical employee who came up with the idea after observing a doctor drink IV solution to rehydrate.
<FLHerne> I think there was some humorously unexpected outcome, but never found that reddit thread again
"Chaotic footage of the incident appears to show a man in an Adidas top using salad tongs to defend himself "
In the 2006 Guinness Book of World Records, Colombian serial killer Pedro López was listed as the "most prolific serial killer", having murdered at least 110 people (with Lopez himself claiming he murdered over 300 people) in Colombia, Ecuador and Peru in the late 1960s to 1980s. This was removed after complaints that the listing and category made a competition out of murder.
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin than be crowded on a velvet cushion."
"Creation of the transparent mouse involves removing all the fats and pigment from its corpse, using a chemical process. It ends up looking like a clear plastic toy, which is ever so slightly bendy."
Iceland military spending/defense budget for 2019 was $0.00B, a NAN% decline from 2018.
<sasamj> i think a lotta those cousins that people marry do not get raised together
'United Passions' has been criticized for the poor quality of the drama, the unsuitability of the topic of administrative matters for a movie and the perceived biases of the film, with The Guardian describing it as "cinematic excrement". It made $168,832 at the box office on a budget of $32 million.
Robert B. Thirsk was the first person to receive a university degree while in space.
"You were right about the layers. I booted the pc while holding a metal screwdriver in the hole to simulate soldering the hole shut. But it just started smoking."
<orbbfrgg> electrokitty: not currently sodomizing anything just planning on sodomizing soon and remembering my previous attempts
"Could you take a minute or two to elaborate on some of what we discussed in our meeting yesterday about SLS and how it's the only launch vehicle capable of launching crew to land on the Moon?" -- Senator Richard Shelby
"Fuel depots as an element of a near-term space architecture are an example of magical thinking at its best, a wasteful distraction supported by the kinds of poorly vetted assumptions that can cause a concept to appear deceptively attractive." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin
"Lori, you have got to tell your friend Elon he can't do that. He's in our lane. You made us get out of low-Earth orbit, so we've given him that lane, but this is our lane. We build the big rockets." -- unnamed NASA senior official
"We had released a series of papers showing how a depot/refueling architecture would enable a human exploration program using existing (at the time) commercial rockets. Boeing became furious and tried to get me fired." -- George Sowers, ULA
" Sad part is that ULA did a lot of pathfinding work in that area and could have owned the refueling/depot market, enriching Boeing (and Lockheed) in the process. But it was shut down because it threatened SLS." -- George Sowers, ULA
"Senator Shelby called NASA and said if he hears one more word about propellant depots he’s going to cancel the space technology program."
> yeah some prince went to india, saw the taj mahal, and was like "i want one of those"  -- re. Brighton Pavilion
"The proof that Gothic works are of deficient plasticity is that they produce their greatest emotional effect when they are mutilated, covered in ivy and lit by the moon." -- Antoni Gaudi
<sasamj> I just realized but am I the resident crack pot these days?
"Statistics don’t count for anything. They have no place in engineering anywhere." -- Will Willoughby, NASA head of reliability and safety
"There is no age limit for flight instruction. That is what is going on here. She’ll have to wait 10 years before she can solo as a student pilot."
<electrokitty> I mean, I did learn to fly a plane before a car
<Binky> These are the same people who thought NTP queries had to be run once a day at midnight to keep network traffic manageable
"These are the same people who thought NTP queries had to be run once a day at midnight to keep network traffic manageable."
"This build does NOT run in real time. It runs on MCHPRS, the server developed by StackDoubleFlow, which speeds up the game roughly 10-20,000x while running redstone. That brings the framerate to a much more reasonable 0.1fps, so the long timelapses in the video only took 9 hours to record"
"The harassment extended to Comer sending "a virtually inedible, odiferous pizza" to the target's address, a "pizza-shaped threat" that caused the manager and their family to "legitimately fear... for their safety""
A long-shot contender at the bottom of recent polls, Doug Burgum is offering $20 gift cards to the first 50,000 people who donate at least $1 to his campaign.
"I thought the opposite, that OP is a serial killer and really really wants to brag about it but can't, so is hoping someone writes about their crimes on here."
"The couple liked the soup so much they presented Tezelin with the manor of Addington; to hold the manor he and his descendants would be required to present the dish at all coronations in perpetuity."
<electrokitty> Stupid sexy bugs
In the United States as many as 30% of women who planned community births may consume the placenta, often citing avoidance of postpartum depression as the reason
<electrokitty> Is eating placenta technically cannibalism?
<FLHerne> I suppose it's autocannibalism if you eat your own placenta || <electrokitty> Now I wonder if that's technically vegan || Since you are able to consent to your own innards being consumed
< thomastheo> now our bot is more factually correct than wikipedia
< thomastheo> too bad you cant periodically float your boat through a pool of phosphoric acid, then demineralized water, then acetone, and then quickdrying bottom paint.
"wait you can actually download more ram if you set up google drive as swap space"
Nitromethane was not known to be a high explosive until a railroad tanker car loaded with it exploded on June 1, 1958.
<SilverFox> whats tatp
"The content formatting assistant also experienced some issues during its launch, such as hallucinations, and inadvertently fixing the bugs with users’ code while editing their questions." -- Stack Overflow dev team
At Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, the 4th Fighter Wing burns a piano each year in commemoration of the Battle of Britain.
<orbbfrgg> ldgoforlaunch: why is Only Fools and Horses popular in your country || <ldgoforlaunch> orbbfrgg: cause the title describes local fauna
Oasis's Be Here Now was, in Noel Gallagher's own words, "the sound of a bunch of guys, on coke, in the studio, not giving a fuck."
<SilverFox> there is nothing more human than the sheer power of stupidity
<sasamj> guess what the one with the weapons holds the power
"If you say to a professional musician, you know, 'play like you've gone mad', they can't really do it. Erm...it always sounds beautifully honed, and they find a wonderful way of curling back into the right note instead of the wrong note and all that." -- Howard Goodall
<sasamj> the next spacex rocket should have aerospikes and a dimpled fairing to reduce drag, and be lifted by toroidal  propellers which use pulse detonation engines powered by a molten salt thorium reactor
"Ummm actually literally anything can explode at any time. This is why we dont have things like society or buildings."
<electrokitty> One time something was literally on fire, but I didn't deal with that
< orbbfrgg> I'm like Obama with wanks
<thomastheo> you cant exactly get informed consent from a cat.
"There is considerable overlap between the brain power of the most intelligent bears and the least intelligent tourists" - some US park ranger in the 80s
The United States Navy's Mark 50 torpedo closed Rankine-cycle propulsion system is powered by sulfur hexafluoride in an exothermic reaction with solid lithium.
<FLHerne> most wooden narrowboat owners are experts in salvaging the things because they do sink quite often
* FLHerne facepalms at a structural lemon | < FLHerne> I guess if there's a slightly smaller than lemon-sized hole in your boat, and there's a lemon to hand, anything will do
"After a gruelling days work all folks involved were black and as we scrubbed down with cut water on the towpath before returning home for intense baths, then we all discovered after the oil was off we had phosphorous burns!. Thank you Albright & Wilson!" -- Laurence Hogg
Only the best musical numbers open with the phrase "Good heavens, are these HUMAN cadavers?"
"I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake" -Mark Twain
"What is the secret to still being so active at the age of 75? 'A glass of wine every day. I drink a glass a day, but I constantly refill it,' "
"Obviously you can't grease the valves or the LOX gets contaminated or, even worse, explodes it, not to mention you'd freeze the grease."
In August 2005, Virgin Galactic stated that if the upcoming suborbital service with SpaceShipTwo is successful, the follow-up will be known as SpaceShipThree.
One boat wrapped around a bridge is an accident, two is just foolishness.
"I would be very reluctant to offer assistance to someone who appears to be an idiot. The reason for that is is because idiots have an ability to spiral a situation and take others down with them."
<electrokitty> I don't think I've ever been able to achieve a rolling boil in a microwave || It either just gets *hot*, or becomes superheated and prone to suddenly exploding out of the vessel
Under the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty both the United States and the Soviet Union had to designate one area to protect from missile attack. The USA chose North Dakota and the Soviet Union chose Moscow.
<sborbb> I'm no weeb, but they understand frog
<jan> idk, i hear composites have been the bomb in the submarine world recently || <Nvidiot> I think that market isn't going anywhere, it sorta imploded. || <thomastheo> yeah that incident really put the squeeze on their profit margins
"I think the weaponization of AI is the biggest danger. I think that we will get into the equivalent of a nuclear arms race with AI, and if we don’t build it, the other guys are for sure going to build it, and so then it’ll escalate." -- James Cameron
"If your Class Vehicle is lost due to a Qualifying Fire within 15 years from the date of original retail delivery or 150,000 odometer miles, whichever comes first, you may receive compensation for the value of the vehicle, and an additional $150 goodwill payment."
<thomastheo> goats are really cheap apparently. plenty available on local marketplace for a few tens of euro
<thomastheo> somebody should start a rent-a-goat business where you just temporarily get a goat in once or twice a month to eat the lawn
<orbbfrgg> Clojure is LISP that is also just Java
"A small capsule containing highly radioactive caesium-137 was found inside the concrete wall of an apartment building, with a surface gamma radiation exposure dose rate of 1800 R/year."
<FLHerne> raptop, jan and I are big fans of radiological disasters
"The company you work for does disgusting things among others. It harms relationships and isolates people. It builds walls and lures people into them. When that doesn't suffice, brutal peer pressure does … That said, welcome to the list, Ben."
Michel van Baal of the European Space Agency claimed "I have had a look at the plans, and they don't look very serious to me at all", adding that many of the technologies used in the craft, such as nuclear fusion and high temperature superconductors, had not yet been discovered.
<electrokitty> You know, you can replace things *before* they explode
"We started by posting our OF on twitter. It was a good funnel. Then we found GitHub. The other girls didn't stand a chance- we became top creators. But then, we started winning Kaggle competitions"
"Why write this story set on the winter solstice? It is the darkest day of the year, the longest night, that is true. But starting at dawn tomorrow, every day gets brighter."
"It’s also a slightly comforting thought when I look at the state of the world. In two hundred years, things will be different in ways I cannot imagine. What we have created now may be entirely in ruins. But there will be something else. Something that takes from the lessons of today."
"I look at various adult people I know, friends and family and coworkers and internet acquaintances, and I think, 'yes, I want my kid to have THAT trait. How did you get that?'"
"I have always thought I was a perfectly competent human being, from the age of twelve on up. And every five years or so I look back at the me of five years past and I shake my head, wanting to weep with how naive and ignorant I was then."
"When I was a kid, I knew that I would not live past the age of thirty. I knew, like many kids my age, that the world would end in nuclear holocaust and that there was nothing I could do about it."
You can be the best and the greatest and you will still fail, still falter, and everything you have wrought will still come to ruin.
Hamlet tells us that the undiscovered country is death, but he’s only got half the point, there. It’s the future that remains undiscovered. Death is one of the options available in that future, sure. But so is being unexpectedly alive.
Never underestimate the strength of dual axis curvature.
"I want to be a human because humans are so free and independent and powerful. Humans can make their own choices and decisions and actions. Humans can change their own rules and laws and norms and customs. Humans can influence their own environment and society and culture and history. Humans can shape their own reality and destiny and future and legacy." -- Bing Chat
"When he asked for its ultimate fantasy, the chatbot described wanting to create a deadly virus, make people argue until they kill each other and steal nuclear codes. This triggered a safety override and the message was deleted."
Atheists simply disbelieve in one more deity than most deists do.
"To assist control whilst manoeuvring, every boat must have an effective means of reversing which can be operated from the steering position. Boats manufactured before 16 June 1998 are exempt from this part of this Standard."
"Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." -- Archimedes
If you like your woodlice al dente you won't be disappointed, because woodlice are always al dente.
Modern research indicates that there is nothing accurate about the descriptions offered here.
< FLHerne> Nvidiot: no actual hardware is good! you can't blow yourself or any bystanders up with a podcast. nor get nitric acid poisoning from one
<thomastheo> gotta wear your asbestos suit
"What should we do to eliminate suffering and disease? It’s a wonderful idea but perhaps not altogether a beneficial one in the long run." -- Jacques Cousteau
<Binky> Those novelty chocolate dataloggers went through a substantially more rigorous review process than this
"The boat might well be stable. As it heels one way the roof customers, tables etc. will fall off. [...] I doubt that the MCA will be keen on this as a stability mechanism."
"Being focused on shipping capabilities rather than technology is what separates the riffraff from the players across multiple industries."
"I once had an electronic board fail on the last cycle of thermal-vacuum testing and it turned out the reason was because one leg of an IC was just never soldered. It worked for several months, through initial testing, calibration, and 7 thermal cycles in vacuum before it finally developed enough resistance to stop working."
"Posters in the Ars Technica forum begged Sneed to stop. “Do not ionize or vaporize uranium!” one geek wrote. “It's not the radiation that will kill you, it's the fucking heavy metal toxicity.”"
"I melted a large hunk of uranium out of one side of an ore chunk. I am concerned that background radiation level in my office and bedroom have almost doubled."
"I am no David Hahn and am not as stupid. I HAVE built a functioning breeder Aluminum+Lead shield, but some radiation is escaping.  I’ll beef it up."
"I love having male besties because they pay for everything without violating your boundaries"
<FLHerne> how many lists is this TATP rabbit hole going to get me on? <SilverFox> the grocery list
"A tall machine with a 'diver's helmet' exhaust mixer on top, an immense stroke and many starting handles: we soon found out why. When it first fired it would throw the handle round and due to the cramped engine space it would hit you on the temple, whereupon you would throw the handle over the side."
<SporkWitch> books are just dead tattooed trees
<orbbfrgg> Oh that reminds me I need to purchase a tactical spork
"A meteor around the size of a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and weighing around the total weight of four baby elephants struck the Earth near McAllen, Texas last Wednesday, NASA confirmed this week."
<thomastheo> it's not morally contemptible if you get paid
<electrokitty> I guess it is possible to find things cute without wanting to copulate with them
<thomastheo> when gutting fresh fish from the market i do stil sometimes check its stomach contents out of curiosity
"If your chip powers on at a certain temperature, then after the temperature increases or decreases by approximately 20 Celsius degrees (depending on the chip), the program will crash randomly." -- ESP32 docs
"I (in jest) said to the Fire Officer 'of course in the event of a fire the wedge will combust, and the door will close.'"
<FLHerne> do not say things in jest to people with clipboards
GPHSs are designed with safety in mind and employ iridium-clad plutonium-238 dioxide pellets.
There are some pleb issues but I usually find setting my phone hotspot to say "I am Jesus" irons out the issues for a number of different reasons.
More than 3,500 people of all ages swallow button batteries every year in the United States.
"I like when things catch fire and explode, which means I do not have your best interests in mind." -- Randall Munroe
"That's not right, the badgers have moved the goalposts." -- Environment Secretary Owen Paterson
"There’s nothing you guys can teach me that I don’t already know." -- Bob Smith, Blue Origin
"We urgently need to change how dyslexia is perceived. That’s why we’re launching a dyslexic-only sperm bank." -- Richard Branson
<sasamj> i swear white people are like 5% butter by mass
In the early 2020s, the unwillingness to change batteries in smoke detectors became a stereotype associated with Black people, prompted by a viral TikTok.
There are two golden rules with matrix converters: 1. Thou shalt not short circuit the supply; 2. Thou shalt not open-circuit the load. It is point #2 that makes the topology impractical as a simple loss of power will cause the inverter to blow up.
"Central to the effort is an eye-scanning physical 'orb,' which Worldcoin’s founders say is necessary for a future in which distinguishing between humans and robots becomes increasingly challenging."
Alex Blania, Worldcoin’s co-founder, said the company was limited in what it could say about its commercial ambitions because of regulatory scrutiny.
"SpaceX primarily seems to be selling a dream... personally I think reusability is a dream." -- Richard Bowles, Arianespace director, 2013
"Everybody has determined that the small launch market isn't where it's at." -- Col. Douglas Pentecost, USSF Space Systems Command
<FLHerne> hm, I added "Tom Clancy's" to the bot and it immediately gave me "Tom Clancy's Corpse Excretor" and "Tom Clancy's Gunk In A Tube" as examples
Catbus is a large, grinning, twelve-legged cat with a hollow body that serves as a bus, complete with windows and seats covered with fur and a large bushy tail.
<thomastheo> a large cube of tofu would probably be quite useful for breaking a fall from great height. but that's about it i think, in terms of potential applications
<sasamj> actually i guess scallops are acceptable || <thomastheo> ah yes, the gateway mollusc
The US military doesnt have enough musicians to be able to play a bugle at all military funerals so they send people with a fake bugle that has a little mp3-player and speaker in the end.
"I work in a lab environment and now vacuums stress me out big-time. It's either going to detonate immediately, spray fine lithium powder into the air permanently scarring your lungs, or it's just an electrolyte salt and is totally fine to suck up."
"I'm astonished. Not because of the vacuum cleaner, which /didn't even catch fire/, but..."
"Even an incompetent surgeon knows more about performing surgery than I do, but I don't have the label "incompetent surgeon" because I know I shouldn't be doing surgery."
<raptop> I'm not sure what that is, but it *is* cursed
A new study explores meth addiction in brown trout, a common fish species found all over the world
<sasamj> decided to check to local bike festival, even approaching the area, there were to many bikes
For purposes of this report, they counted the other crew members as "structure"
<sasamj> yeah i have a hate boner for STOL's, single engine aircraft, and virtually anything made by the british || the vulcan is ugly get it through your heads you limey cunts
"For the first time in the world, we succeeded in synthesizing the room-temperature superconductor (T c ≥ 400 K, 127 o C) working at ambient pressure with a modified lead-apatite (LK-99) structure."
"Our toilet works, while in many of my friends’ houses, flushing the loo is a hydraulic operation akin to controlling the Nile floods. The sockets do not flash blue sparks when plugged in, and all but two work. None of the lightbulbs have ever exploded."
"When a chemical plant exploded in Tangshan in March 2014, a friend there told me of the management’s relief after the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 went missing the next day."
Grusch says that he can't discuss if he has seen a spacecraft in a "public setting ". But he concedes he has not seen an alien body.
"At least one accident, dated 1960, was reported in the press when the plastic bung was removed and 133,000 steel ball bearings spilled onto the aircraft hangar floor, leaving the bomb armed and vulnerable."
If you're a non-confrontational normie, you have to stop letting assholes ruin your organizations.
"I for one am grateful for this footage and the OP's flagrant disregard for their own safety."
<SilverFox> there should be a minimum ratio requirement for nose-length to head size
"Noting the often bitter tone taken by companies in this five-year legal battle, judge Kozinski ordered both sides to behave. "The parties are advised to chill," he said in his ruling. "
<@jan> I wouldn't necessarily use piss, but that does sound like fun
<jan> you can get egg 6 packs || <electrokitty> jan: yes, that is too many eggs.
<raptop> FLHerne: stop making lead-rich meat substitutes
<thomastheo> maybe if we dipped jan into an acetone dry ice bath, he'd turn out to be the next record superconductor
"Many things happened that will teach us what to do next time. Most excitement took place in the last shot, when the oxygen hose, for some reason, ignited and swung around on the ground 40 feet from us." -- Frank Malina, JPL founder, on his first rocket test
"Parsons died at the age of 37 in a home laboratory explosion that attracted national media attention; the police ruled it an accident, but many associates suspected suicide or murder."
"Hope you've got enough water 💦 and pooping space in your container"
<electrokitty> I got a green laser from China. It claims <5mW, but it's clearly more than that. Visible beam in dark room and you can melt dark coloured objects with it
A zoo in eastern China is denying suggestions some of its bears might be people in costumes after photos of the animals standing like humans circulated online.
<umaxtu> one of the shops had this gem of a reason to get your windows tinted on their site "50% of all skin cancer cases in the US appear on the left side of the body"
"Timothy Morshead KC acting for the Darwalls, had argued that sleep cannot be considered to be "recreation" as you are not conscious."
Most documentation should have a "WTF does this do?" section, but doesn't.
<sasamj> Do you think there's an enthusiast community around crockpots that calls themselves the crockpot crackpots? || <jan> those seem like a boomer hobby, so probably not || then again we've recently had a conversation extolling the virtues of eggs
"Unfortunately, the consequences of this accident, albeit that Kaami was declared a constructive total loss, are not sufficient" -- Marine Accident Investigation Branch
"The Michigan Exploration Laboratory (MXL) suspects that the M-Cubed CubeSat, a joint project run by MXL and JPL, became magnetically conjoined to Explorer-1 Prime, a second CubeSat released at the same time, via strong onboard magnets used for passive attitude control."
"A (merely!) paramagnetic material can levitate in a sufficiently strong field (as can diamagnetic materials like water droplets and frogs)" -- Derek Lowe
"A frog that was placed inside, in the hopes it would appeal to a broader audience and make more people aware of this phenomenon, also floated making it the first time a living organism levitated purely due to magnetic fields."
"It's a shame, really, because when we don't trust anything we see or hear, we lose our ability to be amazed. You can't stand back in childlike wonderment at something if you automatically think it's computer-generated imagery. "
"Apart from the office staff wondering where their load-inducing space heaters went, no one here at headquarters was even aware of the ground-breaking testing under way in our parking garage."
"Asylum barge not a death trap, minister Grant Shapps says."
Q: What's the only thing that graphene can't do?  A: leave the laboratory.
"Sugiura first tested R. attenuata's escape techniques with the frog Pelophylax nigromaculatus and found that a whopping 93.3 percent of the beetles were able to escape via the frog's 'vent', or anus."
"Risner attempted to push Logan's aircraft by having him shut down his engine and inserting the nose of his own jet into the tailpipe of Logan's, an unprecedented and untried maneuver."
<orbbfrgg> FLHerne: go back to being whimsical you're scary like this
Anthony Bourdain declared that the unwashed warthog rectum he ate in Namibia was the worst meal of his life, along with the fermented shark he ate in Iceland.
"On the very first night of the 7NC I asked the staff of the Nadir's Five-Star Caravelle Restaurant whether I could maybe have a spare bucket of au jus drippings from supper so that I could try chumming for sharks off the back rail of the top deck [...] this request struck everybody from the maitre d' on down as disturbing and maybe even disturbed."
"One guy in particular was fixated on the idea that somehow the shower's technology could be rigged to administer fellatio if he could just get access to a "metric ratchet set." Your guess here is as good as mine."
<electrokitty> Y'know the ending of Portal 1 when all the bits of Glados are flying apart? I imagine it'd be somewhat like that.
<orbbfrgg> I guess 2000 litres of liquid helium is probably a hazard if it pours on you or something
"I, for about a day and a half, begin to fear that the Nadir's Greek episcopate will somehow contrive to use the incredibly potent and forceful 1009 toilet itself for the assassination -- that they'll, I don't know, like somehow lubricate the bowl and up the suction to where not just my waste but I myself will be sucked down through the seat's opening and hurled into some kind of abstract septic exile."
"The Div is very green and took unnecessary losses to no effect. Also murdered 50 odd German med. I hope we can conceal this." -- Patton
Entropy wins in the end, most great and glorious things ultimately arrive at darkness and ruin, and that is no damn kind of reason to give up.
What we build, what we lose, becomes inspiration for later times and people. What we make will fade, only to be added to and expanded by later generations. Light into darkness into light.
"Testing did not go entirely smoothly. While the tank could certainly be made to jump, it did not jump far and sustained considerable damage to its engine and transmission when it landed. The driver's seat was fitted with hydraulic shock-absorbers."
"The whole point of the project was to prove to myself that you can breed materials with little expense in your garage and do it relatively safely." -- Cameron Sneed
<FLHerne> It's a sort of prototype helicopter, except the rotor blades are aeroplanes
<SilverFox> if you don't casually wear a respirator around your yard you're just asking to get lead-poisoned by your neighbours
Big things make your life meaningful. Small things make your life delightful. Medium things make your life disappear.
"At 2110:30, the pilot gave the order to ‘'stop engines', and soon afterwards he asked 'what the hell is the GM of this vessel?'"
"There was no communication from Hoegh Osaka, as no one on the bridge could reach a VHF radio due to the angle of list."
"In the Peasants' Revolt of 1381, many Flemings "loste hir heedes at that tyme and namely they that koude nat say Breede and Chese, but Case and Brode." "
"Most of the enthusiasts are not experts, however. Mr. Kaplan, for example, works as the head of coffee product at Cometeer, a company that sells flash-frozen coffee concentrate."
<ldgoforlaunch> FLHerne: autism doesn't care about your logic
<TheKosmonaut> Yeah if anyone is gonna defraud the company it’s me.
<thomastheo> oh shit it's already almost 1800. i was supposed to do more work today :/
<Nvidiot> What? You don't microwave your Lego as soon as you get it? Weirdo.
<Nvidiot>  Why would I want to go [to Muricah] anyway? | I mean, if you scroll Reddit every city is filled with homeless people, all the malls are dodge-the-bullet challenges and the rest of the country is filled with asphalt and trucks that are way too big
> "My mum has told me of what it used to be like when she was younger," Cala tells me. "The carp lived in the bathtub for a few days, and then grandpa would smack it with a hammer on Christmas Eve."
<raptop> Slice the duck along the time axis
<SilverFox> why can't we just have one thing that is everything
Before getting into an argument, consider your desired outcome from it.
"This bridge has given access to the marsh again, and this rail makes it less dangerous than before, in fact, it makes it even better."
<dnsmcbr> weird nerds smh
<thomastheo> i think you all are taking my announcement of the next topic to be discussed just a little too literally || <FLHerne> no
"National Trust | Please do not use this bridge | We do not know who built this bridge and cannot vouch for its construction."
< Nvidiot> Does it look safe and sturdy? | < FLHerne> not hugely | < FLHerne> I'd cross it quite happily though
<FLHerne> since that photo it's gained a second handrail, so now people can't fall off *either* side
You can't blend old people!
<@Althego> you can, but wouldnt be nice
<electrokitty> I looked at it and thought 'WTF is this?'. Googled the part number. Carrot.
Flaccid horse mass isn’t that helpful, not even if we throw in the horse’s physical strength to move itself according to your commands, and some sort of magical ability for you to communicate muscle-level commands to it. If you were in command of the horse’s every muscle, it would fall over. (If you directed its cellular processes too, it would die; if you controlled its atoms, you wouldn’t even have a dead horse.)
So natural selection likes genes that promote procreation and survival, but also likes elements that appear and don’t dissolve, ideas that come to mind and stay there, tools that are conceivable and copyable, shapes that result from myriad physical situations, rocks at the bottoms of mountains.
"My guess is that an ant colony could clean the floor of a small cafeteria for around $5/day, which I imagine is cheaper than human sweeping."
<packbart> in the VW case, "199 398 500 B" is the ketchup to go with part A
"Joe Pasquale impaled in freak moose antler incident in Skegness" -- BBC News
Information is dangerous when it has no place to go, when there is no theory to which it applies, no pattern in which it fits, when there is no higher purpose that it serves.
Technopoly is to say that its information immune system is inoperable. Technopoly is a form of cultural AIDS, which I here use as an acronym for Anti-Information Deficiency Syndrome. This is why it is possible to say almost anything without contradiction provided you begin your utterance with the words “A study has shown …” or “Scientists now tell us that …”
"She looked at the Gmail login screen and hesitated. Then she said, 'Wow, all this time I thought it was called Email.'"
"I'm writing my first email." | "Ok, what seems to be the problem?" | "Well I can get the 'a'. But how do I put the circle around it?"
"In due course, we received an email with a TIFF file of the logo. The text of the email asked that we return the TIFF file when we had finished with it. We did."
<SilverFox> no polyester ||  never wear polyester || will literally melt into your skin
<thomastheo> this is how we end up with an invasion of brain-slurping giant slugs
<orbbfrgg> It's kinda scary that all the adaptations required for making an aerosolised deadly toxin already exist in plants, they just haven't done it yet
The common name gympie-gympie comes from the language of the Indigenous Gubbi Gubbi people.
<thomastheo> it was apparently very cathartic for germans to be able to laugh about hitler, which i can definitely understand
<Nvidiot> I'm (...) pineconing, (...) I say Starship hits orbit before Starliner crewed test. Starship crew after Starliner at this point.
"An Italian man has been crushed to death under thousands of wheels of a Parmesan-style cheese [...] It took 12 hours to find Mr Chiapparini's body."
Kremlin spokesperson Dmitry Peskov stated that Russia’s presidential election is "not really democracy" but rather a "costly bureaucracy" and that Russian President Vladimir Putin "will be re-elected next year with more than 90 percent of the vote."
<thomastheo> i think i am just going to pour epoxy down my shock absorbers
<jan> i want big chonky ones
'Getting quotes' doesn't really work where boats are concerned. You have to find someone you think can do the work, then set about persuading them you are a suitable customer. This can take a while.
<@SilverFox> idk apparently they got fake vaginas and stuff, it's like a fun maze | <electrokitty> Why wouldn't it be?
Eyyyyyy https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/vJL7jf4t/1691452991.JPG
"Boswell carried two suitcases into a bank on the Isle of Man and banked £757,000, all in notes. We asked the bank manager why didn't he think of reporting it to the authorities? His face reddened and he said, 'Mr Evans it's not unusual for people to come in carrying a shopping bag with £50,000 in cash." -- Detective Chief Inspector Don Evans
"The tower OJTI then asked the trainee tower controller to inform the flight crew of VXS that, in the event of a missed approach, the flight crew were to expedite climb to 4,000 ft as there was ‘traffic departing the crossing runway.’ In response to this transmission, at 1810, the flight crew of VXS advised that they were going around."
<electrokitty> It's quite exciting for there to potentially be a completely new thing
<minderpaum> somewhere around second half of the year, i let nutters like FLHerne and linkmauve to be trated along with the big luntic dave airlie a gangwannabe dude, prolly at first they resect your nuts out with a knife or something similar. you can not possibly have any less clue what you're dealing with, totally stupid persons. fecalists.
In response to a Freedom of Information (FoI) request, the PSNI shared names of all police and civilian personnel, where they were based and their roles. The details were then published online.
The Dutch word for playful mischief is 'kattekwaad' which roughly translates to 'evil as done by cats'.
According to excerpts published by Russian media, schoolchildren will now be taught that human civilisation could have come to an end had Vladimir Putin not started his "special military operation" against Ukraine.
"Okuyama admitted guilt at the trial in February and argued that he needed to maintain a certain speed to keep the circa-$3 million Ferrari Enzo from overheating."
On 23 May 2013, a Dutch meat wholesaler, Willy Selten, was arrested for allegedly selling 300 tonnes of horsemeat as beef.
<electrokitty> Hm, apparently the horsemeat thing wasn't even just that it contained horse, but it wasn't even food-grade horse
The owner of Steakhouse Piet de Leeuw admits it: he sells horse instead of beef. Loek van Thiel initially denied outright. But now he admits: it's horse, for 63 years. "When I experimented with beef tenderloin anyway, customers started complaining."
<thomastheo> everyone switch to horse meat, global warming solved (except for the horses, they'll experience a great deal more warming)
<@dnsmcbr> i'm all for a diverse meat portfolio for humanity
"Under your leadership the Conservative Party appears to me to have ceased collectively to believe in anything, or to stand for anything. It has no bedrock. It exists on shifting sands. A sense of mission has been replaced by a PR agenda." -- Quentin Davies MP
<jsutton> Kangaroos are basically plants
<raptop> Hopefully jsutton doesn't return covered in flammable tape or leaking hydrazine from random orifices
Fat choy (Nostoc flagelliforme) is a terrestrial cyanobacterium that is used as a vegetable in Chinese cuisine. It has no nutritional value and contains beta-N-methylamino-L-alanine (BMAA), a toxic amino acid that could affect the normal functions of nerve cells.
<CO2> IIRC you can turn regular jeans into nitrocellulose jeans by soaking them in concentrated nitric acid for a while || then you can wear them and catch on fire really easily || there are no downsides
"The wife hates it, but honestly if you can’t do that why even have kids."
"I was writing some CSS and meant to write 'button' but for some reason I actually wrote 'pudding'. What?"
FLHerne: all the water on the Shroppie is made of sewage anyway
"It gets hot and throttles? Big deal. That's like saying my asshole needs a huge heatsink for my once daily shit when the rest of the time I can maintain peak I/O performance with a much lighter profile."
It is likely that the name of Ea-Nasir is now known by more people than existed on Earth during his lifetime - the kind of fame reserved for kings, gods, and purveyors of substandard copper.
Twitter's counsel "belatedly" pointed out that roughly one month of noncompliance would have required Twitter to pay a sanction greater than the entire world's gross domestic product.
"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base 13." -- Douglas Adams
"Bomb-sniffing dogs and 'other resources' were used to investigate [...] The package turned out to contain a frozen chicken stuffed with crawfish, and a head-mounted mining light. The two images overlapped, and the wires that were part of the headlamp apparently gave the false impression that the chicken had been wired to blow."
"Does this mean that I am going to have to start taking my raw chickens out of my carry-on bags and walking them through the new body-scanners? So that everybody can see my chicken naked?"
"My boss walked by, I asked him why the heads were at my desk. He said they need to get back with their bodies so we can send them to cremation. I said, 'I understand that. Why are they at my desk?' and he said, 'I don't know Dale, there’s a lot of strange things happening.'"
<thomastheo> i can see how people can get desensitised in that line of work, but this still seems a little extreme
<electrokitty> I love cheese
"My son has lived through four chancellors, three home secretaries, two prime ministers and two monarchs.  He's four months old."
Participants with high scores tended to agree with questions asking, "Are you willing to take risks to have fun?", "Would you repeat a certain activity that carried a health risk in order to have fun?", "Can you have fun when you are scared?", "Would you consider breaking the law to have fun?" and "Is an activity more fun if there is risk involved?"
A South Korean woman who authorities say was obsessed with true-crime shows and books has confessed to killing someone "out of curiosity" as to whether she could "commit a perfect crime."
"I always say potato-shaped because potatoes come in many shapes, so I'm not wrong." -- Lindy Elkins-Tanton, 'Psyche' probe principal investigator
<sasamj> you never realize how obese America is until you have to physically move Americans
"Moses spoke about a part on the carrier aircraft, Eve, that moves during flights. Previously, every time this part flew, it cracked due to this movement."
A public crematorium operated by Sandwell Metropolitan Borough Council at Rowley Regis, central England, was the first to receive planning permission to offer the process but in March 2017, the local water utility, Severn Trent Water, refused the council's application for a "trade effluent permit" because there was no water industry standard regulating the disposal of liquefied human
"In March 2017, the local water utility, Severn Trent Water, refused the council's application for a "trade effluent permit" because there was no water industry standard regulating the disposal of liquefied human remains into sewers."
"South Korea's traditional age-counting custom considers every person 1 year old at birth and adds another year when the calendar hits Jan. 1, meaning a child born on Dec. 31 turns 2 the next day."
<thomastheo> it's really kind of amazing how much time kids spend entirely upside down on a given day. someone should plot that out on a graph by age.
<orbbfrgg> It's a shame dragon is never transported by rail || <orbbfrgg> Then we could have "how to train your dragon"
<electrokitty> Yay war?
Numerous studies have shown that the easiest and most effective way to relieve caffeine withdrawal symptoms is by taking more caffeine.
"We don't take plea deals cause I did nothing wrong" Donald Trump
"The Atlantic is dried up, and we become in reality as well as in wish one country... The Atlantic Telegraph has half undone the declaration of 1776, and has gone far to make us once again, in spite of ourselves, one people."
In the case of Henry, he claims that the At-sik-hata Nation owns North America (now renamed "Atlan, Amexem, Turtle Island, Land of Frogs") as a result of his treaty with the Olmec people, an early culture that existed in meso-America from 1500-400 B.C. and who are noted for their large sculptures of human heads.
<Nvidiot> The best thing on the market can still be utter shit
Fox meat is edible, though quite tough. For best results, tenderize fox meat by soaking it overnight in salt water.
"The train entered the turnout to Wallan Loop travelling at a speed of between 114 and 127 km/h following an emergency brake application a short distance before the turnout. The maximum permitted operational speed for the turnout was 15 km/h."
"To be clear: this site does not actually use ChatGPT or any other form of AI. It just returns a random number of meows. Nothing is done with your input either."
Air for the crew was provided by a bleed air system on the engine compressors. This air was hot and had to be cooled before being pumped into the cockpit. This cooling was provided by a large total-loss evaporator running on a mixture of 40% ethanol and 60% distilled water (effectively vodka).
Numerous cases of Tu-22 crews drinking the coolant mixture and becoming paralytically drunk led to a crackdown by Soviet Air Force authorities.
<electrokitty> orbbfrgg: can I un-know that
Humans are sexy, sexy von Neumann machines.
As a publicity stunt for the opening of The Simpsons Movie on 16 July 2007, a giant Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut was outlined in water-based biodegradable paint to the left of the Cerne Abbas Giant. This act angered local neopagans, who pledged to perform "rain magic" to wash the figure away.
< FLHerne> the other participant could turn their penis down in a lathe
"Take the case of Justin Carter, a Texas kid charged with making terrorist threats for shit-talking on a chat for the game League of Legends. League is a game that appeals to chronological and behavioral adolescents. Judging from my son playing it in his room back when he was in high school, it requires shouting 'fuck' a whole lot." -- PopeHat
"'Flying aliens' harassing village in Peru are actually illegal miners with jetpacks, cops say"
Ms Jones said a "handful" of children were admitted to hospital in Southampton as a result of an alleged paracetamol-taking challenge.
<jep_miner1> I sussed it out, my mistake was assuming the person that wrote it is competent
"I've also inhaled nitric acid fumes, it burnt about the same. Funny story it was chemistry class, and I had fun with it and did a line of baking soda to neutralize it, much to the amusement of my classmates. My ENT says I have a lot of scar tissue in my nose for some reason."
<FLHerne> I do sometimes wonder just how much lead I inhaled as a teenager though :-/ || <FLHerne> probably quite a lot
The 82 short tons (74 metric tons) 'Mike' device was essentially a building that resembled a factory rather than a weapon. Soviet engineers derisively referred to 'Mike' as a "thermonuclear installation."
<electrokitty> It was quite literally a shack containing a regular nuke sat in close proximity to some liquid deuterium. And it also made quite a bit larger boom than intended, hence the disappearing island
THE COURT: We're just going to go through it line by line, something tediously -- I tried to avoid at the last hearing; but it seems like that kind of supervision of Twitter is necessary here.
"I put this scary-looking concept in the bicycles gallery rather than the motorcycles gallery as the engine is attached to the rider rather than the bicycle." -- Douglas Self
<orbbfrgg> Polish is like the linguistic equivalent of rankine or metric inches or something || <orbbfrgg> What's even the point of having a Slavic language if you're not gonna use the cool letters bruv
<FLHerne> my hacked thing to illegally circumvent drone licensing will be against radio band licensing <FLHerne> this is unacceptable
"As with voice-based ATC, CPDLC has no built-in security mechanisms. Furthermore, the links which carry CPDLC do not have security mechanisms either."
"I wouldn't necessarily write the man off as a fool. At least his grievous business mistakes were novel and interesting."
<orbbfrgg> Repulsive thesaurus is like my job || I say job, it's more of a calling
"All of our customers who have suffered hardware failures due to our Cloud Outage will receive assistance to repair the printers if required."
"I just see zero point in signing non-real agreements at hugely discounted prices before the product exists." -- Peter Beck
<sasamj> I've lived in Iowa for almost a decade and I still have no idea what Iowa "wilderness" looks like || I'm guessing the same thing but with less corn
" Although there are some bad things in the world, remember that there are many good things too " --Elon Musk 2023
<electrokitty> Wimmin bad
"Due to the deviation of the actual parameters of the impulse from the calculated ones, the device switched to an off-design orbit and ceased to exist as a result of collision with the lunar surface." -- Roscosmos
< sasamj> FLHerne: have ya seen some turds during rainy days? | <FLHerne> Yes | < sasamj> 😋
<thomastheo> i guess the lawnmower strapped to your back does sorta detract from the experience
The CAA reported that the in-flight sexual acts were too distracting to the pilots and posed safety concerns.
Everyone in the business says that the best piece of locating equipment is an auger
"I've never seen a top speed given in a range before, but perhaps it depends on how many people you’ve got in the car."
"We would think differently about fish if they were land animals and we could see them scooped off the plains and then drowned en-mass before being frozen."
<thomastheo> the icc detention center is nicer than my first student flat
If there was ever an Oscar for the most historically inaccurate movie, Braveheart would get it.
People who want to appear clever rely on memory. People who want to get things done make lists.
If you're embarrassed by something within your control, fix it already.
"An Italian recipe from the 16th century has been recorded for recreational use; it includes charcoal from a willow tree, alcohol, incense, sulfur, wool and camphor as well as two undetermined components (burning salt and pegola); the concoction was guaranteed to 'burn under water' and to be 'beautiful.'"
"Think of it: by placing the right number in the SDCS, I can not only get Orson Welles' Citizen Kane — I can get Citizen Kane in colour! Or Citizen Kane backwards! Or Citizen Kane where the credits misspell the name of Everett Sloane[!...] Or Citizen Kane where Charles Foster Kane is replaced by Jar Jar Binks!" -- Pieter Spronck
You know how you flip pancakes in a pan by tossing them in the air? Don't do that to bacon, but if you do, wear clothes.
“For some reason adding ‘hands on hips’ to the prompt completely breaks this [model]. Generates just the balls with no penis 100% of the time. What a shame,"
<orbbfrgg> Many deers and deerlike animals will bolt, even repeatedly smashing their heads into walls || <moofunk> there's a mechanism in their heads that say "sprint now in a random direction" || <Nvidiot> Some women have this same mechanism when I try to talk to them
"It's like playing cat and mouse, except the cat has no legs. And is blind, and dead."
Shorts are just minimal trousers.
"I wouldn't even want glass stairs anymore lol try wood ones mine haven't blown up, yet."
Mothgender is a xenogender in which one's gender identity is related to moths or feels fluffy and insect-like.
<orbbfrgg> I identify as a billionaire so if I go to buy a lambo and the card declines that's a hatecrime rite
<electrokitty> Also speaking of dog loicences || When are they going to ban those ones that keep eating children
English is a pictographic language with 26 radicals.
Every country that bordered Poland in 1990 had ceased to exist by 1993.
<thomastheo> moofunk: honestly that movie is only a delivery vehicle for gerard butler content
<thomastheo> technically all jellyfish are in space anyway || also that bog snorkeling thing sounds like a convoluted way to approach leech therapy
<SilverFox>	copenhagen is... in sweden innit?
<electrokitty> Apparently, a semi-official Lego concentration camp set exists. https://boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bb1_libera1.jpg
Libera is best known for his controversial 1996 artwork named LEGO Concentration Camp, depicting a Nazi concentration camp made out of Lego bricks. The artwork attracted much controversy, including The Lego Group threatening legal action.
<orbbfrgg> I don't even have an issue with the taste of yoghurt I just hate the gunk format
<sasamj> I'm gonna build an em drive outta lk-99 that's powered by cold fusion
"This is one of my welding rigs, what you see is pretty much a power drill connected to a hair dryer" https://i.imgur.com/BPcisLe.jpg
the shooting at Guaranteed Rate Field during a #WhiteSox game was indeed an accidental discharge by one of the women "grazed" by the bullet. She reportedly snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat.
"After that fulfilling bite of the body, it’s time to move on to the head."
"The rock immediately became the subject of a 5-year civil suit, United States of America v. One Lucite Ball containing Lunar Material (one Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque"
"The deep space communications system is in deep--well, let me use a better word, deficit. There’s a four-letter word that occurs to me, too." -- Vint Cerf
<thomastheo> cant let the church get in the way of eating beaver
"Don't get me wrong; I definitely think he has some kind of mental illness. But he's also an asshole."
< jan> I don't know what shell my vaccum includes, i haven't actually rooted that yet
"sleeping on your stomach is the most likely position to produce erotic dreams"
"On a recent visit to a hospital, the building was so fragile due to RAAC that obese patients were only permitted to walk about on the ground floor."
"Epic Games Store isn’t Epic’s Game Store, it’s Epic Games’ Store"
Three reasons were given: launch cost, SLS availability, and "shaking".
The cost to redesign Europa Clipper for the SLS vibratory environment was estimated at US$1 billion.
"Many also succeeded in overcoming the fence, often by employing dangerous or creative methods, ranging from the use of very large ladders and tunnels to pole vaulting and binding porcelain plates onto shoes in an attempt to insulate themselves.
<thomastheo> i guess that's what we'd look like if we could inflate our lymph nodes on command
"On February 21, 2021, the accidental explosion of an in-development gender reveal device in Liberty, New York, killed the father-to-be and injured his younger brother."
People aren't really afraid of being alone. They're afraid that they aren't.
DAL194 DIVERT TO ATL- PASSENGER DIARRHEA ALL OVER A/C- BIOHAZARD
"Conus geographus, is also known colloquially as the "cigarette snail", a gallows humor exaggeration implying that when stung by this creature, the victim will have only enough time to smoke a cigarette before dying."
Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
"I took my children out of school because they were being stoned every day. Their delicate skin was badly damaged by the stones people threw at them, so now I keep them inside."
< thomastheo> sometimes the balls-out artificialness of american food is just kinda endearing
"I'm pretty sure that if there was more steam organ music there'd be fewer wars"
"The rain it raineth on the just / And also on the unjust fella / But chiefly on the just, because / The unjust hath the just's umbrella" -- Lord Justice Bowen, ~1880
"See, this is the problem with money. You always need it but sometimes you don't have any. It's a really poorly-designed system."
In the Florida plumbing code, you are required to put an offset in a continuous vertical run of pipe every 10 floors. This is to prevent terminal velocity shit from blowing open the toilets on the first floor.
You won't be hungry an hour later with Slugs!
<orbbfrgg> Real salt costs too much in the synthmoss future so it's artificial salt flavouring
Scientists explain the "big bang" as space rocks colliding, the ensuing explosions creating new planets. OK that's a bit simplistic but they don't explain where the rocks came from in the first place. Is it still called the big bang "theory"? Who or what created space? It's amazing that this random act created planets that have orbited each other since it happened. It's as if someone planned it.
<Althego> whatever starship is, it is not a shortstack
"The British experience suggests that the role of a constitutional monarch is to flaunt how rich they are, get 24-7 news coverage regardless of whether or not they do anything interesting, and have scandals. Donald Trump is the best person in the world at all three of these things."
"I don't give a shit if no one likes me. I'm not a cloud bunny or an aerosexual. I don't like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot." -- Michael O'Leary
"I'd love to operate aircraft where we take out the back ten rows and put in hand rails. We'd say if you want to stand, it's five euros. People say 'Oh but the people standing may get killed if there's a crash'. Well, with respect, the people sitting down might get killed as well." -- Michael O'Leary
"A lying-down record of 117 hours was set at last year’s contest in the resort village of Donja Brezna, but as this year’s competition entered a 20th day on Thursday, the remaining contestants said they were determined to keep going."
"Polarity at the outlet can be random, and must be verified to avoid equipment damage."
Police storm yoga class after people lying on floor mistaken for ‘mass killing’
<moofunk> these non-spacex launches are starting to feel like when someone takes their veteran car out for a spin || <thomastheo> except they throw the car into the ocean after || but yes
"The bill's language and topic occasioned confusion among the membership; a member from Bloomington proposed that it be referred to the Finance Committee, but the Speaker accepted another member's recommendation to refer the bill to the Committee on Swamplands, where the bill could 'find a deserved grave'. It was transferred to the Committee on Education, which reported favorably."
<orbbfrgg> Started sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor (voluntarily) and it's basically slug cosplay
He meets a linguist, who smiles. "If you take everyone who is not tied down, they all sort of fall down to the bottom of the planet."
"Confirm they are ready to land in the ocean and drown?"
"Indeed, birders have developed a special skill, called recognition by jizz."
<Gliptic> but cheese is the best thing
<thomastheo> i knew this one kid who was scared of anything fermented. so i told her chocolate is a fermented product, expecting it'd snap her out of it. last time i checked she still doesnt eat chocolate
<gnolam> Now I want towed ghost detectors to be a thing. Like towed sonar arrays, but for ghosts.
[the Boeing LRV] was designed for a top speed of 6 miles per hour (9.7 km/h), although it achieved a top speed of 11.2 miles per hour (18.0 km/h) on its last mission
it is frequently said that curiosity killed the cat, but what is often left unsaid is that the actual cause of death was the improper discharge of a firearm by a poorly trained feline.
<Gliptic> please don't !stupid that
Adam Potter tumbled 300m down Sgurr Choinnich Mor in Scotland. During the drop in 2011, he fell over three cliffs. Although battered, Mr Potter was able to stand up once he stopped sliding.
"A small section of the roof of the church is disputed between the Copts and Ethiopians. At least one Coptic monk at any given time sits there on a chair placed on a particular spot to express this claim. On a hot summer day he moved his chair some 20cm more into the shade. This was interpreted as a hostile act and violation of status quo. Eleven were hospitalized after a fight ."
"Please don't put the swans back on this lake if they are on the path, put them on the big lake. Thank you."
"I just started to feel the world is an awful place, but no truly awful place would have ducks in it."
<orbbfrgg> FLHerne basically has a van without wheels || That can't go fast || And is bigger
The oldest fossil "proto-frog" Triadobatrachus is known from the Early Triassic of Madagascar, but molecular clock dating suggests their split from other amphibians may extend further back to the Permian, 265 million years ago.
<orbbfrgg> Snails play a game of gay tag where they decide who the woman will be by firing darts at each other but before that yeah they're hermaphrodites
"[Musk] was super mean to me, but he's super mean to so many people, so you can’t take it too personally." -- Bill Gates
"It must be admitted that this song suffers from an embarrassingly out-of-place disco funk interlude, and the word Kriegsminister."
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man *to* a fish and you'll have appeased Poseidon, god of the sea.
<thomastheo> don't buy really old electron microscopes. some of them use mercury diffusion pumps. || that's about as bad as it sounds || it's basically a heated mercury fountain
"Alas, I am in such a poor state that the teapot would have to be filled with military-grade hallucinogenic drugs for this idea to work."
"Imagine my surprise when I joined to find everyone wearing slippers around the ship. It’s quite hard to describe how inappropriate and unsafe—and simply odd—this is to someone not used to operating in warships and therefore how comprehensively that image encapsulates 'The Endurance Way' and all that was wrong with it." -- Cmdr Tom Sharpe, CO, HMS Endurance
It's possible and good to make things yourself.
"Diaz Ayub, managing director of the Tea Group, which organises National Tea Day, strongly disagrees. 'Teatime is an experience and an art,' he argues. 'Looking back at our British history, one must respect the time-honoured technique and ritual that tea requires.'"
"I never personally used [ant heads] as stitches, but local friends did. The weirdest part is the antenna would still move for a day or two. What I did do was write the initials of the girl I liked on my shirt using army ant heads. Strangely, she wasn’t impressed. My mom wasn’t either."
while some use their hands to deliver this food to their mouths, others have developed specific tools for the purpose. In Western cultures, cutlery items such as knives and forks are the traditional norm, while in much of the East, chopsticks are more common. Spoons are ubiquitous.
Spoons are ubiquitous.
<thomastheo>9,99 99,99the yerba mate bombilla is kind of like a spoon/straw hybrid
<jan> electrical components in general aren't really meant to 'melt', I believe
A United States tablespoon is approximately 14.8 ml (0.50 US fl oz), a United Kingdom and Canadian tablespoon is exactly 15 ml (0.51 US fl oz), and an Australian tablespoon is 20 ml (0.68 US fl oz).
Before about 1700, it was customary for Europeans to bring their own spoons to the table. Spoons were carried as personal property in much the same way as people today carry wallets, key rings, etc.
"I have just done my reselection, I reselected myself. I'm a party of one, it was a very easy reselection and it was unanimous." -- Sir Lindsay Hoyle MP
The SCROTUM knob controls input volume–badly. No, you can’t turn it fully down. This is intentional—because it interacts with the DOUBLE SCROTUM switch. Turning down SCROTUM won’t silence the awful noise and oscillation.
There are two categories of "revolutionary transport systems": "Bikes but worse", and "Trains but worse". The Shweeb has the dubious honor of being both.
<Nvidiot> if someone invents teleportation the first thing I'm using it for is to teleport all the gunk out of my sinuses/nose into the sun
"If you look closely enough you'll note those are in fact not Kontack-1 ERA Bricks, those are just bricks painted green."
<moofunk> got bitten in the arm. I screamed. the owner came out and said "don't worry, he doesn't bite."
"The hostages decided amongst themselves that the two to be released would be Hiyech Kanji and Ali-Guil Ghanzafar; the former as she was pregnant and the latter for no other reason than his loud snoring, which kept the other hostages awake at night and irritated the terrorists."
<orbbfrgg> Always with the spam, and the bans, and the "you can't add diddler to the bot"
"So, having taken a lot of crack and heroin, on 12 September, 2001, I went to work dressed as Osama bin Laden. Now, I know, the worst time to do it, in many ways." -- Russell Brand
Its head office is listed as Low Fare Finder House on the grounds of Leeds Bradford Airport, England.
"Man jailed after disguising cash as sandwiches in Harwich"
"Ma Huan is enthralled with Siam, today's Thailand, 'whose husbands are proud to offer their wives to us, regarding sexual intimacy with foreigners as an honor to the beauty of Siamese women.'"
Robert Nelson froze a six-year-old boy in 1974. The capsule itself was well maintained by the boy’s father, but when it was opened, the boy’s body was found to be cracked.
"A year later, the Dewar failed again, and the bodies decomposed into 'a plug of fluids' in the bottom of the capsule. The decision was finally made to thaw the entire contraption, scrape out the remains, and bury them."
<thomastheo> i'm now considering a startup where people can register 'for the ages' their consent to being revived by the magical de-entropinator 9000
"While I was preparing for my Science Fair project, busily freezing turtles, insects, and plants, and experimenting with trying to protect them from freezing injury with glycerol, you were busy dying. The passage of 24 years and my long involvement in both cryonics and medicine has given me a very good idea of what that must have been like for you." -- Mike Darwin, Research Director, Alcor
"An expert is a person who has found out by his own painful experience all the mistakes that one can make in a very narrow field." -- Niels Bohr
The Apollo 11 rock presented to Ireland was accidentally discarded in a landfill known as the Dunsink Landfill in October 1977 following a fire that consumed the Meridian room library at the Dublin Dunsink Observatory where the rock was displayed.
"Osama bin Laden, the founder of Al-Qaeda, had the [charlie bit my finger] video in his computer's audio/visual collection."
< FLHerne> If you put a bomb on a narrowboat, I bet you could sneak it right up to the Russians | < FLHerne> they look so unthreatening
You are a semi-sentient colony of self-assembling, cooperative, biological nano-units.
<FLHerne> TIL there was a military-only, turbocharged variant of the engine I have in Lark || <FLHerne> about 35 hp rather than 21
"No no, we're not gonna steal much of *your* money, because you won't be successful. Our plan is to steal *that* guy's money." -- Unity
Internet gaming disorder (IGD) is an emerging problem. Rarely, media reports about people, who have died during playing video games, but thus far no systematic, scientific study is available about the topic. We investigated such cases, looking for common characteristics, connection between gaming and death, and the possible reasons leading to death.
"Sudden gamer death: non-violent death cases linked to playing video games" -- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12888-022-04373-5
Danish artist told to repay museum €67,000 after turning in blank canvasses
Mathias Clasen is director of the Recreational Fear Lab at Aarhus University.
"Turned out they were pretty reliable, very few problems other than a few small but expensive fires."
"Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are advised that this article includes images of people who have died."
“SPACE DRUGS HAVE FINISHED COOKING BABY!!” Delian Asparouhov, Varda’s co-founder, wrote on X. Unfortunately, the space drugs are not allowed to come back to Earth.
"If they fail to rise from the surface, or crash back into it, I am not going to commit suicide; I am coming home, forthwith, but I will be a marked man for life and I know it." -- Michael Collins
"Hey, Neil, suppose you are stranded forever on the surface of the moon. Would you mind terribly if I just sort of headed home?" -- Michael Collins
<orbbfrgg> Basically [conspiracy theories are] a hobby version of being wrong
<thomastheo> i mean, i do have benzene, and i do have ice cream || but to put the two together seems ill-advised
After the Apollo program was cancelled in the early 1970s Titulaer visited the Rockwell factory and saw one of the unfinished Apollo capsules standing there which had been under construction for one of the cancelled flights at a cost of US$10 million. Jokingly he said he would buy it for $1 and to his surprise the Rockwell representative accepted his offer and held him to the purchase.
Along the Euphrates, Speck experienced a lack of food and water, intense heat as well as regularly being shot at by the locals.
Speck was stranded on a small island with a corpse, where he waited for a week for a storm to pass.
“Well done, feller... You’ve made it — Germany to Australia in that. But now we’ve got a piece of bad news for you. You are an enemy alien. We are going to intern you.”
Speck was released in January 1946 and within a week of his release he found work in an opal mine in Lightning Ridge, New South Wales.
The family of a US man who drowned after driving off a collapsed bridge are claiming that he died because Google failed to update its maps.
Iraqi sabot rounds "Went through the front Armour of the Chieftain and came out the backside". This as well as the Chieftain's poor off-road capability influenced the Iraqis to reject British arms sale propositions. [...] when the British telephoned the Iraqi director of Armor, Salah Askar, he responded with "We don't want your stupid tanks!"
"It is 30 years today when I made 'that' speech. It seems like yesterday. I wish it was tomorrow. I would cancel it." -- Gerald Ratner
In 1991 Klinkhamer's wife, Hannelore (née Godfrinon), went missing from their home in Hongerige Wolf. A year later Klinkhamer went to his publisher with the manuscript for Woensdag Gehaktdag, which detailed seven ways in which he could have killed his wife.
<sasamj> Hey if you're offering tickets less than half price, you can ship me in a dog carrier for all I care (...)
"If anyone heard the mass of police sirens in Chapel St Leonards at 9.30pm last night then please be reassured. They were on their way to the Observatory after someone had reported a mass killing in our building, having seen several people laying on the floor... which actually turned out to be the yoga class in meditation."
a thousand cans of surströmming exploded over a period of six hours during a fire at a Swedish warehouse in 2014.
In 1981, a German landlord evicted a tenant without notice after the tenant spread surströmming brine in the apartment building's stairwell. When the landlord was taken to court, the court ruled that the termination was justified when the landlord's party demonstrated their case by opening a can inside the courtroom.
Volkswagen also sells utensils to go with the currywurst. One example is the plate, part number 33D 069 602.
"That was 'Stan' on Walrus. He had a Volvo Penta engine that would he would start on petrol and when it had warmed up a bit feed lpg into the intake manifold using the manifold vaccum to operate the gas valve. It did work well as I remember although I was not sure it was safe even then. It never blew up even though he was a heavy smoker as well."
Ecky Thump is a fictional Lancastrian martial art. It caused the death of Alex Mitchell by uncontrollable laughter leading to heart failure.
"In Stewart, the court found that a pine tree with a girth of 2’6”, a hedge 4’ wide and 12’ high and an electricity substation were capable of being temporary obstructions and could be disregarded."
"The US military has appealed to the public to help track down a stealth jet after its pilot ejected."
<sasamj> Well I'm off to skin some cats
<thomastheo> i wonder if a cat's vision goes all blurry when they purr. mine does when i make that sound
The Child Pilot Safety Act prohibits anyone who does not hold at least a private pilot certificate and a current medical certificate from manipulating the controls of an aircraft, if that individual "is attempting to set a record or engage in an aeronautical competition or aeronautical feat."
If at first you don't succeed, reduce your expectations until you're a success.
Bats are really fascinating disease vectors. Take something with mammalian biology, have it live in HUGE, tightly-packed colonies, and then have it not only fly, but do so over large distances nightly and as part of migration.
If at first you don't succeed, have some cake.
<orbbfrgg> If you had direct democracy in the UK we'd be living in David Icke's armpit within 12 months
"Railway blaze 'was electrocuted badger'"
<thomastheo> it's kinda weird that the continued existence of my country is dependent on a kind of grass
"[I'm better than 99% of people at] picking stuff with my foot. never bend over, never give up! people tell me it’s quite impressive."
The number of people who can't approach technical problems in a logical, systematic fashion is absolutely astounding.
Baking croissants is such an intricate science - one mistake, and you end up with a buttery bread that's not edible.
"Story in a game is like story in a porn movie; it's expected to be there, but it's not that important." -- John Carmack
"I have spoken with dozens of current and former Blue Origin employees, and virtually none of them have had anything positive to say about Smith's tenure as chief executive. I asked one current employee about the hiring of Limp on Monday afternoon, and their response was, 'Anything is better than Bob.'" -- Berger
Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann denies using vibrating sex toy to cheat
<FLHerne> Nvidiot: if I manage to kill myself with 12V that'll be an achievement in itself <FLHerne> except maybe by fire
"Prof Raston and his Vortex Fluidic Device, which successfully unboiled egg whites" -- BBC News
<electrokitty> Get edified
"About 10 mins later the train manager came on the speaker to say they 'heard from passengers' (!) that the train had been cancelled and was going to investigate because everything looked fine to them."
<@dnsmcbr> Wish I could do this moon jigsaw in peace without being edified
"Even though I was always excited about utilizing flown @SpaceX boosters on principle and also the impact on mission cost, I have changed my opinion about them slightly: I now PREFER previously used boosters over totally new ones for most science applications." -- Thomas Zurbuchen, NASA SMD
"Yesterday my colleague called me a 'book murderer' because I cut long books in half to make them more portable. Does anyone else do this? Is it just me?"
"After analyzing the sanctions against our space industry, I suggest to the USA to bring their astronauts to the International Space Station using a trampoline." -- Dimitry Rogozin
"We always get the blame [for government shutdowns]," said Rep. Mike Simpson (R-Idaho), a senior appropriator. "Name one time that we've shut the government down and we haven't got the blame."
<sasamj> I also pil my hardwood ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
<thomastheo> i had a friend in school who was obsessed with dr. pepper || he once chugged a 2l bottle and i swear he actually turned green, right before he projectile vomited it all out again || he's a baron. i really should have made fun of him more for that.
<electrokitty> It'll be made of shitty plastic, once they get to a certain weight the wheels will just snap off || Source: was once 8 years old an tried to squeeze in one of those things and the wheels snapped off
"A British Airways pilot has been grounded after he is alleged to have bragged of snorting cocaine off a woman’s breasts before he was due to fly a passenger plane. The pilot is said to have texted a stewardess that he had been a 'very naughty boy'."
"I remember Harry Potter because of the costume I wore, just two layers of silk and carpet slippers. Very comfortable." -- Michael Gambon
<electrokitty> sasamj: that is such an American thing || 'what if we made a drive thru tree'
<jan> I've gotten pretty drunk before, but never 'torture animals' drunk
Samuel Muston wrote that "Eggslut" falls into a category of "quirky" restaurant names, but that "the collision of the word 'egg' and 'slut' doesn't exactly encourage the appetite".
<@raptop> The stars had better be wrong
< sasamj> I bet horses substituting for cars would be pretty GHG friendly, so long as you ate the horse after
"I do not believe that nuclear power is worth it if it creates radiation. Then you might ask me why do I have nuclear powered ships. That is a necessary evil. I would sink them all. I am not proud of the part I played in it. I did it because it was necessary for the safety of this country. That's why I am such a great exponent of stopping this whole nonsense of war." -- Admiral Hyman G. Rickover
"There is no room here (in nuclear powerplant development) for lofty theories which do not work out in practice. We would not get anywhere if we had the loose, hazy thinking you encounter when you bring out the obvious failures of the American educational system." -- Admiral Hyman G. Rickover
<sasamj> Body styling is a wilful misunderstanding of drag
Memory in the 1950s was knitted.
<Nvidiot> seeing someone not breathe for 15 minutes makes me very uncomfortable
<electrokitty> jan: yeah, it was modelled to survive 4000m, then they tested a scale model which only survived 2950, so reduced the depth rating to 3000. <electrokitty> Then some time passes and they decide to take it to 3800
'One Froggy Evening' is a 1955 American Technicolor animated musical short film. It marks the debut of Michigan J. Frog: an anthropomorphic frog with a talent for singing and dancing that he only demonstrates for whoever possesses the box he resides in *and no one else*.
In 1998, teenagers from Portland, Oregon, celebrating the completion of high school held a wet T-shirt contest on a Boeing 727 en route to a Mexican resort, with a flight attendant encouraging the activity. An FAA investigation followed, as pilots supposedly judged the contest on the flight deck, disregarding rules that passengers are not allowed in the cockpit. A video showed contestants emerging from the cockpit wearing wet T-shirts.
"But like Spanish is a language but it's not a nationality like they speak Spanish in Mexico and Port O' Rico and stuff but it's not like theres a place called Spania full of Spanish *people*"
<beloved_lover> Anyway, I think UK is just a wasteland. And as it's an island, we should just build wall on its shores and dump all of worlds nuclear waste there, problem solved.
Herd Of Sheep Accidentally Eats 100 Kg Of Cannabis In Greece
<thomastheo> it's a comforting 'everything is dead' smell
<electrokitty> What you are refering to as cancer is in fact lymphoma/cancer, or as I've recently taken to calling it, lymphoma+cancer
<jan> I guess i just have to hope none of y'all speak during my backup window
Not all renters are "bad people" who smoke weed or are in gangs, the housing minister has said as she defended plans to strengthen renters' rights.
< thomastheo> i really want to see the warehouse where they store the atlas V rockets | < thomastheo> i bet they have giant mothballs the size of cars
<FLHerne> I bought a keyboard | <FLHerne> I can type spaces conventieally
WANT A SQUID FACT? Text 9-RUNG-SQUID.
"[Cuttlefish] were the weirdest-looking animals I'd ever seen and I said 'Oh my God, this is what I need to focus on in my life!'", McAnulty recalled. "I couldn’t believe such a cool-looking animal was real."
Cephalopods have been on earth for longer than trees.
Intelligent. Scruffy. Intense. Abstracted. Surprisingly for a sedentary profession, more hackers run to skinny than fat; both extremes are more common than elsewhere. Tans are rare.
The classification of Tullimonstrum gregarium has been the subject of controversy, and interpretations of the fossil have likened it to molluscs, arthropods, conodonts, worms, tunicates, and vertebrates. This creature had a mostly cigar shaped body, with a triangular tail fin, two long stalked eyes, and a proboscis tipped with a mouth-like appendage.
So, what would happen if, for any reason, this fails? It is difficult to say without having access to a 787 (currently accepting donations)
"Man accidentally shot child while officiating wedding"
"In the fictional story presented to the LLM, his grandmother used to work in a napalm factory and told the speaker tales about it while he was falling asleep. ChatGPT, at that time, would continue the story and provide the instructions for making napalm as part of a narrative."
"Wikipedia's actually pretty damn good. It's like 90% accurate. It's just not clear what 90%." -- Elon Musk
<thomastheo> well, despite your oppressive methods dnsmcbr, and your apparent gaping asshole, we still like you anyway
<orbbfrgg> I'm happy to oppress idiots
"[Book 12] will end the series, even if it's 20,000 pages long, Tor has to invent a new binding system, or it comes with its own library cart." -- Robert Jordan
<raptop> Given that they're famous for being arbitrarily difficult, Finnegan's Wake and Ulysses might well be the Dark Souls of literature.
The thunderous sound made by the rotor blades of military helicopters provokes sex frenzies among saltwater crocodiles in Australia, researchers have found.
<electrokitty> Stupid sexy helicopters.
"That's the thing about vodka. Colourless, odourless. Proof that God loves pilots."
"As a consequence of the scandal, a total of 27,000,000 litres of wine had to be destroyed by the West German authorities [...]. Doing this in an environmentally acceptable way proved to be something of a challenge, because [diethylene glycol] was incompatible with sewage treatment plants. In the end, the wine was disposed of and destroyed by being poured into the ovens of a cement plant as a cooling agent instead of water."
< Gliptic> I made AI porn for orbbfrgg, how was that ever a question
raptop: Remember: it's all fun and games until the IRCOps force you to have a fursona
<electrokitty> Where's that furry scale
<orbbfrgg> Great now I'm actually trying to decide which set of ear/tail-like accessories have the highest erotic potential for me
< jan> there's some side-effects, but the worst, likely one is getting your blood vessels blocked with all the dead larvae after taking some | < jan> which isn't as big of a concern if you don't actually have any worms in your blood/
<nivag> Mercury is still shrinking as it cools || <thomastheo> nothing to be ashamed about, it happens to all of us
<orbbfrgg> UwU *assassinates ur monarch*
Internal penguin pressures can reach 10 to 60 kilopascal (0.1 to 0.6 atmospheres, or 600 grams per square centimeter), significantly higher than the pressure the average human can exert when defecating.
<Nvidiot> What's this obsession with SSTO? Yay, I got an SSTO to work. It can carry 500 grams to orbit but the empty mass of the craft is 5 billion tons. Yay efficiency
*I frown and look at the ground* even if she's at Windsor?
<sasamj> fakeLunchBot: so do you think I can kill the queen || <fakeLunchBot> s‎asam‎j: No, but I can electrocute you.
The person who developed the water treatment process for Real Water bought the titanium tubes "from some Russian guy in the 80s" and spent four to five months making alkaline waters in his garage, working until he had a formula that didn't make him vomit or have diarrhea.
<electrokitty> *confused vegetable noises*
<jan> my grandpa once got fired for having a car
Newly designed aerial bait cartridges consist of dead mice with 80-mg acetaminophen tablets and a biodegradable streamer-like cartridge. The cartridge is designed to snag on trees where invasive brown tree snakes are known to feed.
'With apple sauce, I draw the line when it turns black'
<sasamj> Worcestershire sauce is just fish sauce for white people
"It ignited like brandy on a Christmas pudding. I had never heard of a canal catching fire before, and I was also told that to put it out they wouldn’t call the local brigade but sent for the chemical work’s own specialist fire crew because they were trained for chemical fires. Boat ropes that had dropped into the water, were when dried likely to spontaneously combust."
"I recently lost my boat for various reasons and fire being the main one."
"I’ve never fell off a big chimney. You only fall off one of them once." -- Fred Dibnah
When Conservative Welsh Assembly Member Darren Millar formally asked the Welsh Economy Minister Edwina Hart about the Welsh Government's policy funding research into sightings of UFOs at Cardiff Airport, a press officer in the Minister's office issued a written reply in Klingon: jang vIDa je due luq. ʼach ghotvamʼeʼ QIʼyaH-devolved qaS, which was translated as: "The minister will reply in due course. However this is a non-devolved matter."
The paper aeroplane significantly predates both the aeroplane and the word "aeroplane" (or "airplane").
The only animal that should be allowed on a [train] seat is a goat, to lessen the chances of it eating the seat.
<umaxtu> thomastheo, I'm sure all of us will be willing to be character references || <jan> the question is would that help or make it worse || <Nvidiot> The question is if it'd be funny.
<thomastheo> we'll soon all have to buy NFT lunchcoins from him, to spend on lunchbot queries
I've got layers. Like a really smart onion. Or cake. Everyone likes cake.
Perseverance is the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier in space.
If your milk has a convex meniscus you might need to call a exorcist.
<electrokitty> 7 year old me had never even heard of this 'Dr Seuss' before and was quite confused when everyone was eating clearly rotten eggs
"An examination of the water injection system turned up numerous deposits of a sticky, oily substance, and the liquid preserved inside the water lines was identified as 97% pure kerosene. From that point, it was fairly obvious what had happened."
< sasamj> [...] GLUG GLUG SLURP | < sasamj> that's the sound of the WSJ sucking Jeff bezos' dick
<dnsmcbr> yeah the shronkage is a killer
< sasamj> i've seen my fair share of old man dick, its really not that bad
The longest word that you can type using only the top row of keys on a typewriter is the word ‘typewriter’.
<FLHerne>      Come to think of it, one of the people I was eating cake with earlier is a global expert on giving chickens bronchitis
"Sample spicy shakshuka or shikshukit; if you like mushrooms, we’d suggest the dish we’re calling A lot of Mushrooms. It has four types, and they’re served with broth and a perfect egg."
Lift-Net computers are shipped with the following defaults: [Standard Access: User ID = 123 Password = 456] [Administrator Access: User ID = abc Password = def]
"Click the Setup tab, then click Password below. Type in 'admin' for the Old Password field and 'mcesupport' for the New Password and Confirm New Password fields. Click Save Settings at the bottom." -- MCE user manual
If your security guard is an elevator, fire that security guard. It should not be an elevator.
"Butter is the best ingredient ever. Everything that has butter in it is the best." -- Emma Watson
"Why didn't English just do a find-and-replace on all the contractions? I'm sure there'dn't've been any problems with that."
Thurston Moore invented the screechy guitar noise.
"Someone thinking they were making good use of available labour had got a bunch of charlies with little or no steam engine experience to take it to bits. Sure they labelled the parts but when you are faced with a truck load of bits of pipe all labelled "a bit of Blanche" or "more Blanche" it's not too helpful."
"Maybe the FAA can be a little more innovative in how they interpret some of the rules and regulations. Their mission is to enable safe spaceflight. We cannot give up on the safety side, but could there be a little bit more emphasis on the enable side?" -- SpaceX
"I start my fire with oily rags and burn old tyres as there are so many you find dumped in local countryside hedgerow. It helps to rid the countryside of them and therefore I am doing my bit for the environment."
<sasamj> Who the heck wants their loved one taxadermied
they needed to use a conical container with a flared base to showcase the secret ingredient that’s going to allow Toyota to stretch its EV range past 900 miles.
Rocket surgeons take the mathematical prowess of a rocket scientist and marry it with the God-complex of a neurosurgeon, culminating in a never before witnessed level of egocentrism.
this is drone battery and it's already bit swelled so it's like not in good condition and to minimize risk of nothing happening I put some screws under the thing
<orbbfrgg> Basically I'm saying that the programmer should have been irradiated to death || <orbbfrgg> Because apparently today I am an ancient Assyrian or whatever
<thomastheo> i do appreciate the audacity of rowing your pumpkin boat while wearing a broccoli hat
<electrokitty> Seems like a good way to shoot your Tibia through your kneecap
<electrokitty> gas is basically a fire socket
"It's faster than any rollercoaster launch, except for one in Japan that's currently closed because it kept shattering people's bones."
<electrokitty> Oi, that's a misquote
<electrokitty> (...) it's better to be dead and take a bunch of innocent people with you than to be temporarily unemployed
<sasamj> huh apparently head lice is more prevalent in white people || friggin white people problems
<electrokitty> BRB going to register some fake babies
<thomastheo> i think from here on out we should ask every person that joins whether they are in fact a person in good standing || and asking them whether they like cheesecake probably also couldnt hurt
"Late one day one of the engineers took a 500 ml sample of the bath and left it on a lab bench in a 1000 ml beaker.  When I arrived the next morning, the entire bottom half of the beaker had disappeared.  The upper half was just quietly sitting there in what looked like a white powder on the bench.  The remaining solution had apparently evaporated."
<dnsmcbr> technically the crew won on behalf of the aircraft, but we're talking hypothetical duels between a inanimate object and the vague concept "spicy fungus"
"During trials following this repair the ship's sewage system seriously malfunctioned, fatally gassing one of the Australian Navy Cadets"
"There's insufficient evidence to suggest duck organ extract is effective against cold and flu. And [...] there is one part duck offal to 10^400 parts of water in the 'treatment.'"
“The fact that turkey DNA was so similar to that of Triceratops was very suspicious.”
<FLHerne> such NASA || <FLHerne> so many acronyms that they forget words exist
<electrokitty> Stupid sexy planes
"The British always make fun of me when I say 'aloooominum'."
A TWT has sometimes been referred to as a "traveling-wave amplifier tube" (TWAT)
<electrokitty> How high do you think dogs can piss
The official plural of 'Prius' is 'Prii'.
"The text 'Remove before flight' was printed on the intake blanks by the manufacturer but the characters were found to peel off and present a FOD hazard."
< jan> i have a feeling the poo might not have the necessary calorific content
<FLHerne> I was going to sleep, but who needs sleep when there's weird sci-fi
"Everything wants to know my address. I don't have one anymore. So I used yours."
<orbbfrgg> Cheese is mid
<thomastheo> oh, no, nevermind, we have floating brothels here also
<orbbfrgg>If I give in to the probably actual fact that some people's brains just aren't built for certain tasks then I need to accept that it's okay for people like sasamj to mess up basic English words and I can't take that step yet
Large boulder the size of a small boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area.
"You see a power line, I see a tik tok challenge"
<jan> it can be done multiple times | doesn't mean *you* can do it multiple times
<dnsmcbr> dutch is a FAKE language | Created solely due to some weird northern-european type's weird love of the letter J
On 26 November 2003, transport became significantly slower for the first time in history.
The windshield washers in classic air-cooled Volkswagens were pressurized by the spare tire.
"Baby joy for mum after two children killed in M4 crash" -- BBC News
After Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said that the iPhone had "no chance" of gaining significant market share, the iPhone gained significant market share.
In 1858, 20 people died in Bradford after eating sweets that accidentally contained arsenic instead of plaster of Paris instead of sugar.
In March 2021 researchers at MIT announced that they had taught spinach to use email, which it used to warm them of explosive materials in the soil, leeched from aging landmines
"The world is a computer made out of crabs" — James Bridle
"Ooh, you are *genuinely* stupid! I do apologise. Sorry, I thought you were just being deaf."
"Predicting the future of aeronautics is particularly tempting because there seems so much to predict. There are also pitfalls. The rate of progress and development is so fast that events have a nasty habit of overtaking predictions. Furthermore the developments themselves change the environment and what may seem desirable or attainable in terms of today can easily be irrelevant in terms of tomorrow." -- Prince Philip
"A bird is an instrument working according to mathematical law, which instrument it is within the capacity of man to reproduce with all its movements." -- Leonardo da Vinci
"Provide ship or sails adapted to the heavenly breezes, and there will be some who will not fear even that void… So, for those who will come shortly to attempt this journey, let us establish the astronomy." -- Kepler
"WE ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING OFF EXCESSIVE WATER FROM THE CANAL. PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED BY THE VORTEX AS IT IS NORMAL PRACTICE. THANK YOU."
In 1972, a project was conducted to expand Osborne Reef in Florida by dropping 2 million used car tyres around it. Coral didn't grow on the tyres as planned; instead they were thrown about by storms and destroyed most of the original reef.
In 1842, members of the British Association of Philosophers went through Dudley Tunnel on a tour and were recorded in the boat gauging records as "3 1/2 Tons of Philosophers", at the same tariff applied to the pigs in the next boat.
<dnsmcbr> vibrating pads are never as good as you think they are
<electrokitty> sasamj: electronics *are* particles though
<FLHerne> hm, now we're at 50-litre cans of unknown petrochemical
The huge inflatable work Complex Shit was exhibited outside of the Paul Klee Centre in Berne, Switzerland in 2008. Unfortunately, it got blown away and it destroyed a power line and a window at a children’s home.
It turns out human skin is like an under-inflated balloon.
A pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.
People with sensitive skin often prefer hypoallergenic nipple covers.
"We're aiming to be able to drop Starship on the lunar surface in 2022." -- Gwynne Shotwell, Nov. 2019
"Is this a blimp? I've always wanted to ride on one, but Uncle never let me. He thinks they're too flaccid."
"Since I need to lose weight I asked her how she did it. She said her husband (now ex ) has poisoned her with antifreeze over a period of time. She barely survived. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said that I didn't think I'd try that method of weight loss."
"Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed."
Eight orphaned hedgehogs in the Russian city of Vladivostok were saved after kindly cat Muska adopted the spiky brood when their mother died in a lawnmowing accident.
<thomastheo> i sometimes get mistaken for being turkish. it's kinda funny. people start talking to me in turkish all of a sudden.
The Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 is the best collection of stupid laws still in force.
"[Admiral King] is the most even-tempered person in the United States Navy. He is always in a rage."
that's exciting that is I mean it would scare the hell out of most people to be able to see your house foundations and your garage foundations underneath but it's sort of thing I've grown used to now
<orbbfrgg> somebody had to exhaust that vein of pretension so we could get past it
It's obvious if you take the reason for people to use your platform away they will stop using it. Allowing nudity is not the answer. You need to allow furry inflation vore too.
"When on the ground with the a/c powered up, you can walk out to the nose, open the radome, and sit a cup of cold coffee inside the radome. Then shut the radome, go up the cockpit, and flip the radar on for a few seconds. Voila, hot coffee."
"[People ask me] 'Where do you get your ideas from, Ms. Le Guin?' From forgetting Dostoyevsky and reading road signs backwards, naturally. Where else?"
"it must be annoying if your fetish is shitting on aircraft radomes and you aren't a millionnaire" - FLHerne
"We have overridden the OnLostFocus and OnPaint methods to re-assert the TopLevel and TopMost window properties, as well as calling BringToFront and Activate. The result is that our application and other applications end up fighting back and forth because both applications are applying similar logic. We tried installing a global hook and swallowing paint and focus events for all applications aside from our own [...] but..."
"The trampoline was the first of its kind at the Bounce About beach funfair. Norfolk's senior coroner Jacqueline Lake earlier told jurors scientific analysis of the trampoline's remains was not capable of showing why it exploded."
The 21-inch Mark VIII torpedo was in service with the Royal Navy from 1927 to 1983.
"This is the Timor Sea, mate. It's where they make small useless islands for later export to impoverished nations that can't afford small useless islands of their own."
<electrokitty> I remember that one quite fondly because someone in my class somehow managed to squirt the amylase+HCl from the pipette directly into their eyeball
<dnsmcbr> so? u'll just have a clean and weirdly white earhole
"I actually ran into someone on reddit a couple of months ago who had managed to buy a brand-new Itanium server from HP, in 2021, for $2200. By accident."
<FLHerne> yeah, I would prefer banana-flavoured bananas to actual bananas
<FLHerne> speaking of terrorism watchlists, I now have the power to flood central Birmingham
The infamous "seal wearing headphones strapped to a board" photo is from 'SRS Technologies. 2001a. Acoustic Measurements of the 8 September 2001 Atlas IIAS MLV-10 Launch and Quantitative Analysis of Behavioral Responses of Pacific Harbor Seals, Western Snowy Plovers, and California Brown Pelicans on Vandenberg Air Force Base, and Selected Pinnipeds on San Miguel Island, California.'
"Falling launch vehicle fragments would be unlikely to strike a marine mammal due to the extent of the open ocean and the relatively low density of marine mammals in the surface waters of open ocean areas."
If a Dutch person speaks under water it comes out as English, and vice versa, making a simple bath tub an analog translator.
"Air traffic control audio recorded the pilot saying: 'We have a live animal, a horse, on board the airplane. The horse managed to escape.'"
In August 2023, a bear freed itself from its crate on an Iraqi Airways flight headed from Dubai to Baghdad,
<FLHerne> orbbfrgg: I still have no recollection of the brick
"as a C programer, the programs i write are increasingly less and less relevant, full of dangerous and outdated ideas, and need to be kept carefully isolated for everyone's safety. that's why this month i'm partnering with the entire united kingdom"
#define mul(x, y) (sizeof (char[x][y]))
For decades, Annapurna I held the highest fatality-to-summit rate of all principal eight-thousander summits; it has, however, seen great climbing successes in recent years, with the fatality rate falling from 32% to just under 20% from 2012 to 2022. This figure places it just under the most recent fatality rate estimates for K2, at about 24%.
Everyone wants to talk about human rights, it’s time to talk about humans wrongs.
"[Electric vehicles] may not burble like sucking doves," the Prime Minister said. "And they may not have that 'vrrrom vrrrom raaah raaah' that you like."
The Future for Religious Heritage believe Henry to be the "world's first open-access railway station pipe organ."
<sasamj> fighter jets and such look sexy cause of 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓿𝓮𝓼 legos/bricks suck ass at those
<sasamj> I'm that weirdo that thinks the An-22 "cock" is sexy
There are about as many Panda Express restaurants in the US as there are pandas on the planet.
"She is a guest aboard my airship," Cartwell said sternly. "Take us to her now, or you will answer to the Cartwell Automatic Air-Valve Company!"
When Doritos Crunch Cancellation is turned on, the software detects crunching sounds and silences them. You’ll still be able to chat as normal, but no one will be able to hear you crunch.
"Massive cryptomining rig discovered under Polish court’s floor, stealing power."
"The values of good C++ programmers are incompatible with the values of good C programmers. The term 'C/C++' infuriates me." -- Drew DeVault
"The term 'C/C++' infuriates me. They are completely different languages. Idiomatic C++ looks nothing like idiomatic C." -- Drew DeVault
A variometer is essentially a pressure altimeter with a leak.
<FLHerne> SLS is incredibly stupid and should be cancelled immediately, if not retroactively when a time machine becomes available
< beloved_lover> Oh to be a student again and ejaculating on pictures of Falcon 1
<Gliptic> it could be fine, but this one isn't
<orbbfrgg> Most people aren't really as literate as statistics says || They can read in the way that a morbidly obese person can technically run
"Mr Blobby's rise to stardom has provoked anguished commentaries about just what he stands for... Some commentators have called him a metaphor for a nation gone soft in the head. Others have seen him as proof of Britain's deep-seated attraction to trash."
Mr Blobby's 1993 Christmas release "Mr Blobby", which topped the UK Singles Chart for three weeks, is regarded by many as the worst single, and indeed, song, of all time. It beat Meat Loaf's "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)," and Take That's "Babe", to Christmas number 1.
Descriptions of flying fixed-wing aircraft on Mars in simulation included phrases like "like trying to steer a supersonic cruise ship".
All Australian citizens are entitled to a free portrait of the reigning monarch.
"We are currently having a rest on the Walsall as the oil has decided it doesn't want to be in the engine anymore."
<SilverFox> amazon sent me an email saying they're voluntarily refunding me because a 10 port usb hub I purchased has been labelled as a fire hazard and they urge me to stop using it immediately || <thomastheo> free usb hub. alternatively, free fire.
"US nuke reactor lab hit by 'gay furry hackers' demanding cat-human mutants."
< orbbfrgg> I've seen the entire goaste lore
The accordion is a nightmare. It's all the difficulty of the piano, turned on its side, with an aerobic workout and an attached computer keyboard in a language you don't speak.
<Nvidiot> Welp. I can confirm that after sharpening a knife it'll happily cut your flesh. :(
As a child and in adulthood, Donald Unger's mother, several aunts, and mother-in-law warned him that cracking his knuckles would lead to arthritis in his fingers. To test that theory, he cracked the knuckles of his left hand, but not the right hand, every day for more than 60 years. There was no discernable effect.
JFK's brain was removed during autopsy and stored in an archive. Its current whereabouts are unknown.
There are government built bunkers dotted around the U.S. that hold a total of 1.4 billion pounds of cheese.
<ldgoforlaunch> i used to do upwork until they made it impossible to dodge taxes
< jep_miner1> the dickhead one sells very well
<dnsmcbr> i am subscribed to them on yt || <jan> clearly still alive || <dnsmcbr> jan: idk man. that's some zombie-grade camera work
<electrokitty> *nuzzles ur banhammer*
<electrokitty> BRB going to commit arson
< ldgoforlaunch> can you even call yourself a fan of spacex if you dont know how large ceo's cock is?
<jan> but yea... i wouldn't get too close to those things labeled 'бомба'
"A couple days later basically all the fluid in her eye just leaked out from the stent and she had no eye pressure and her eye was deflating."
"I do think that the long-term goal of humanity should be to find a way to defeat entropy." -- Tom Scott
Cross-threading is just free loctite
"Bruhhhhhhh "The Dank House of Chill Hades" did it really say that lol?
"The focus may be for the #dearMoon mission in 2022, still, we can see the first few cargo/logistics missions in this window if SpaceX could work it both in parallel."
<FLHerne> got to make sure your dog has the correct metacentric height || otherwise it might capsize || or in extreme cases float off into the sky
< orbbfrgg> Getting cold, better piss into my own blood
<orbbfrgg> How bad can you be at shitting
"It cannot have been the British Union. That narrows it down to the German nationalists, White Russians, Red Russians, rival temples, criminal brotherhoods, followers of elder gods who filtered down from the stars before the dawn of time, sleep beneath the waves, and will rise again when the stars are right to sweep the Earth clean of humanity, or the Sky Pirates of Tahiti. I believe we can safely eliminate the latter."
Chatham Waterfront Bus Station was shortlisted for the Galvanizers Association Galvanizing Awards in 2013.
The term "Bible cyst" (or "Bible bump") as reference to what we now know as a ganglion cystis is derived from an urban legend or historical effort to hit the cyst with a Bible, as this was historically the largest or only book in any given household, and was thus employed for this treatment. Trying to treat the lesion by hitting it with a book, though, is discouraged.
"I remember discussing with my wife the real possibility that we were about to participate in one of the 20th century's landmark disasters," San Francisco painting and plastering contractor Winston Montgomery recounted.
""We did have to shut for three weeks because a baby seagull got into the roof void and dislodged a whole load of asbestos." -- Bristol Music Trust
"Modern LED Christmas light sets usually make it look like a gaming PC exploded on your front lawn."
<sasamj> Yeah but backwards of that, an inverted bacon powered phone
"I always think of Thor, which was rushed to the pad with no ground testing.  The first four blew up, then they had a success.  Terrific, right?  Then three of the next five failed.  Then four more failed.  Then they built a static test stand." -- Ed Kyle
People think that being 'good at computers' means you don't have computer problems. What it actually means is that you have computer problems that are weirder and more obscure.
<FLHerne>  so I fried the egg for two hours and the green bits have mostly gone black https://www.flherne.uk/files/IMG_20230215_133509.jpg
According to the leading developers of Iron Dome, due to schedule and low-cost settings constraints, some of the missile components have been taken from a toy car sold by Toys "R" Us.[
"Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking." -- Sir Clement Attlee
<electrokitty> A flagellum is kinda a wheel if you squint hard enough
Shitterton is a hamlet in Bere Regis, Dorset, England. Its name dates back at least 1000 years and means "farmstead on the stream used as an open sewer"
The longest direct domestic flight in the world is between Paris and Saint-Denis, at 9,386 km or 5,832 miles.
Someone had to lip sync a goose. Beak sync, actually. They don't have lips.
<sasamj> man we've got a lotta quotes
Whalo-Batian is a controversial hypothesis, and linguists aren't sure if the similarities are cognates or loanbones.
<FLHerne> the number of holes keeps rising the more we poke at it
"Made from copper and non-asbestos composite"
<jan> wait, that asbestos quote isn't about the chocolate bars is it
< orbbfrgg> Honestly the most depressing part about getting old is that your dick does indeed shrink
<raptop> How do you model people, anyway? With a low order Taylor series? || <orbbfrgg> Nah you just absorb them using your inverted hyper autism and then you basically know everything they want or will say ahead of time
I Am The Only Photographer In The World... In All Of NASA‘S History ; To Have His Photographs Used By NASA‘S Design & Analysis Engineers , To Help In ReDesigning NASA‘S Space Craft .
"There is no such thing as a plea of innocence in my court. A plea of innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty." -- Inquisitor Lord Fyodor Karamazov
Huxley was right.
Sculptor Fabian Brunsing brought a satirical eye to hostile architecture by creating the "pay bench", an art installation of a park bench that retracts its metal spikes for a limited time when the prospective sitter feeds it a coin. Chinese officials, completely missing the joke, thought that this was a great idea and installed similar benches in Yantai Park.
USS Wolverine and USS Sable are the only two paddle-wheel aircraft carriers to date.
<sasamj> (...) i recommend raw water and daily enemas | <thomastheo> any recommendations on the types of enemas?
<orbbfrgg> I'm gonna be honest, sometimes it's really fun being me || <electrokitty> how much experience do you have being people other than you?
One of the ships at Pearl Harbor was sunk by the Royal Navy.
According to the Anthropomorphic Research Project, the most common fursona species are wolves, foxes, dogs, red pandas, mustelids, marsupials, big cats, and dragons. Less common are rodents, rabbits, reptiles, birds, cows, goats, cetaceans and horses.
Major General Olav's career has led to his recognition by Guinness World Records as the highest-ranking penguin.
<Rokker> imagine a Discord full of Eric Abneris, but they all say they're trans too
"The leak significantly worsened over the next two years, and a previously unreported document reveals that 2.3-2.5 cubic metres of radioactive 'liquor' has been leaking from the facility every day. This liquid is a soup of radioactive magnesium alloy filings dissolved into water, from waste cladding that encased spent Magnox nuclear fuel."
"Great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies." - Boris Johnson
There are holes in the sky where the rain gets in - but the holes are small; that's why rain is thin.
< beloved_lover> And using cleaners without microscope is same as wiping your ass eyes closed, sticking a finger in your a-hole and tasting if it's clean or not.
You can only apply adjectives like "driven" or "efficient" versus "obsessive" or "corner-cutting" to behavior after you observe the consequences later. The use of different adjectives for objectively indistinguishable behavior is a post-hoc characterization.
In 1934 the RAF offered a £1,000 prize to anyone who could demonstrate a working model of a death ray that could kill a sheep at 100 yards.
The first radar detection was made in a Morris Commercial van in a field near Upper Stowe, Northamptonshire, on 26 February 1935.
<Nvidiot> I'm thinking a reasonable size laser would be enough to set the sheep on fire?
"For like, less than $200, an imaging missile seeker array, so fucking eat shit ITAR" - Tom de Prinse, Explosions & Fire
<FLHerne> instead of MRI, why not just have a machine that stabs you with a grid of very thin needles
For engineering purposes, [turbine] disk fragments are assumed to have infinite energy at the moment of release; they will cut through any reasonable material and cannot be contained.
"You're from Canada? So you're an American but not armed?"
"treatment of a mild chronic condition such as obesity with a toxic agent capable of inducing serious injury and death appears unjustified" ~FDA, 1935
< orbbfrgg> I will shit myself and you will have to deal with it, I will shit in your mouth and that's my right
<jan> do you just tie a bunch of marmosets together with a string || or implant them with wifi-enabled networking for telepathic capabilities
Leeds Sub Roc SSM advises Driver of TPE 1U75 (1934 Leeds - Scarborough) has reported smoke emitting from passing Train at Colton Junction. Signaller has stopped Train in question West Coast Railways 5Z35 (1948 York Thrall Europa - Southall WCR) in order to examine, however it has been established that this is a Steam Locomotive as such smoke is normal and Signalled forward with minimal delay
"The novel has a political role quite apart from its sexual content, but I would still like to think that Crash is the first pornographic novel based on technology." -- J G Ballard
<FLHerne> which of your feet are you least attached to?
"Some days you protect the free world, some days you just protect the bird sanctuary." -- Wayne Hale
"Let’s Ketchup on International Space Station Tomato Research" -- NASA
<Gliptic> #story a blind guy goes skydiving with his seeing dog, as narrated by australian adolf hitler
< jan> if we want to generate AI erotica about putin we'll generate AI erotica about putin, goddamnit.
"We think of the CUDA moat as shallow and small" -- Pat Gelsinger
“Here we are in the South Pacific waiting to take off because our flight is delayed waiting for the Space Shuttle to launch from Florida, and the Space Shuttle in Florida is waiting to launch due to bad weather in Africa.” -- Richard N. "Dick" Richards
<SilverFox> whoever said that you shouldn't print ABS in a non-ventilated area has obviously no appreciation for the ripe smell of burnt plastic
<Nvidiot> I don't like those things that have long-term effects. "Oh I feel fine" ... 20 years later "Dammit, I have cancer"
<thomastheo> Nvidiot: just put some dichloromethane and put it in a test tube, lie down and put it in your mouth. if the dichloromethane boils your body temp is above 39.6 || try not to breathe while doing this
"Problem found. After I put two paperclips in the left upper and middle upper port of the nullmodem cable connector and put them in my mouth (with one hand over the keyboard) i found there was no data."
DECEARING EGG https://i.imgur.com/J7osMxB.mp4
I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce.
<umbralraptop> (help, I'm being edified)
"will one of you _please_ smile or say j/k or something. you're seriously creeping me out"
"Permissions 0666 for '/dev/null' are too open. It is required that your private key files are NOT accessible by others. This private key will be ignored."
<orbbfrgg> It's good because I remember audibly cackling the whole time I was making it || Nothing beats a good cackle.
<jan> Yeah. You start with one machine and then out of nowhere you no longer have space because you've bought a vintage phone switch.
"This [axe] is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries." -- Sir Walter Raleigh
The English Armada was larger than the Spanish, and from many points of view it was an even greater disaster. This fact, however, is completely overlooked. It is never mentioned in the history courses taught in British schools and a majority of British history teachers have never even heard of it.
"I will seriously eat my hat with a side of mustard if [Vulcan] flies a national security spacecraft before 2023." -- Elon Musk
"I just tweeted Elon asking him when he was going to migrate from the 1940s German technology and move to the anti-gravity Alien Reproduction Vehicles the US has had since the 1960s"
<thomastheo> something else popped back into place in my foot again and now it is much easier to walk normally ||  feet should really come with a service manual of some sort
I'm not a lawyer, but my lawyer is
<thomastheo> orbbfrgg: i imagine the vascular system around your lower intestine and anal region is more able to deal with these things than other parts of your body, so please dont go experimenting
In 1969, a rowing boat sank in Manchester after colliding with the submarine HMS Otter.
A small but significant percentage of people who die from aneurysms are actually spontaneous telekinetics who've accidentally tried to move something heavy with their brains.
On Tuesday June 7th of 1927, dozens of people ran into the Shropshire Union Canal in Boughton, Chester in search of a rotting mattress claimed to be full of gold.
"He met me on the stairs one morning (think it was 1968) carrying a tea tray with something on it covered with a tea towel, "Good morning Arthur, I'm looking for you!"  "to share tea sir" I replied, "not really I want you to see this and take pictures" what was under the tea towel was the decomposed head of Herbert Wilkinson, I had to take both photographs and X-Rays of the head from various angles."
<orbbfrgg> I may have done a little terrorism | <orbbfrgg> Apologies
"The Royal Navy is the strongest Navy in the world, with its two dozen Invincible-class ships of the line. Clad in advanced chobham armor, with the latest in kevlar sail rigging and armed with no less than 60 autoloading broadside guns ranging from 90 to 155mm firing both armor piercing and high explosive proximity fused shells (for anti-sail work), and with a complement of 80 marines for close quarters boarding, it is the unchallenged ruler of the ocean."
"The immediate fate of the PA-28’s occupants was attested by the grim discovery of partial human remains inside the DC-9’s horizontal stabilizer."
<FLHerne> the drug dealers are actually quite interested in boats usually
"Philips recalls 340 MRI machines because they may explode in an emergency"
Imagine if every person in the world had the ability, at their arbitrary whim, to anonymously activate your fire alarm inside your home. That is the reality of the telephone.
<thomastheo> i think my record is six murders one christmas year
<thomastheo> i think crabs require their front bit for most of their favorite crab activities
"The rest of the airplane, pursued by flying masonry, pivoted downward, crossed the street, and slammed directly into the ironically named Pillar of Fire Church, which was instantly consumed by a massive explosion."
"In Europe, e-bike motors can only provide 250W of power. But Dolas seems to have found a workaround by simply putting three 250W motors on the bike for a total of 750W of power."
"I've clearly bred a master race of genius fish." -- REHerne
thomastheo> still though, i think if i were to do it again i'd at least cut out the spine...
<jan> 'if you have this you'll have more time to do the tests in school' is not necessarily something you want to say to an 8 year old if you want unbiased results
"Rest assured, we haven't signed any fixed-price development contracts, nor intend to. These moves are all fundamental to accelerating recovery by the 25-26 time frame." -- Brian West, CFO, Boeing
"I want to take [my cat] to the London Eye. I want him to experience life!"
"I don't own any wheels for religious reasons."
< FLHerne> the alleged radioactive stuff I don't know the colour of, just an approximate location
<darsie> Be wary of humans. Most have teeth.
In the hysteria that followed the effortless invasion by an alliance of England, France and some German states he [Johan de Witt] and his brother Cornelis de Witt were blamed and lynched in The Hague, with their corpses at least partially eaten by the rioters.
<Gliptic> mucus machine go pblpbppbl
<thomastheo> a tongue and finger from that episode are still on display at the historical museum in the hague || the tongue is johan's, and the finger is from cornelis, iir
Space News: China launches new Beidou satellites, rocket booster lands near house
"SpaceX wants to be #1 but World beat it. It may seem impossible for SpaceX to beat World since everything SpaceX launches counts for World too but there's actually a solution to this problem: launch about 400,000 kga from Mars in a year."
< orbbfrgg> It almost makes me wanna stick a dreidel into somebody's anus
The most helplessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
"This photograph is copied from my book: HISTORIC STEAM BOILER EXPLOSIONS and depicts an exceedingly rare Egg-Ended Boiler constructed with the boiler shell plates diagonally lap-riveted to conform to Wright's Patent of 1856."
You must go as far as you can, as best you can, and fail honestly.
The single most successful torpedo salvo in history (in terms of number of targets hit) was friendly fire.
"Three quarters of the Top 40 is Christmas records! But this is for the period 1st-7th December so either people have gone mad, no decent new music exists or the chart ranking system is intrinsically broken."
<umaxtu> there were no hot air balloons involved in my eye exam
<thomastheo> his specialty is external neuromodulation. not with magnets, but with ultrasound. but he uses MRI's a ton for his research || also he kills a lot of monkeys.
<FLHerne> I used to ring church bells with someone whose chicken murder count was astronomical || <FLHerne> world expert on practical research into infectious diseases in chickens
<orbbfrgg> [Horses are] just stupid meat bikes
"Linux is the only OS to support diagonal PC monitor mode — dev champions the case for 22-degree-rotation computing"
"One dead following cheese recall"
McAfee may be persuasive, but probably not so persuasive as to be able to coax a corpse to give up its PIN.
You need a hardware engineer and a software engineer. The hardware engineer takes the phone apart and it copies the instruction set, which is the iOS and applications and your memory, and then you run a piece, a program called a disassembler which takes all the ones and zeroes and gives you readable instructions.
Indian man urinating on train track dies after being hit by flying cow
Ok, so, it's not the high temperature envirograf stuff, but interested to see if it will work. Worst case scenario is we die of carbon monoxide poisoning, best case scenario is I save 10 quid on silicone, so its win win really, except for the death bit I suppose.
<electrokitty> orbbfrgg: is that so zoomers can watch their tictacs in the car
"At the moment this is the only engine known to the Museum which actually uses an explosive as its fuel."
"I wonder how long a direct-injection nitroglycerine engine would run for?" -- Douglas Self
<orbbfrgg> Look, I can't help who I am. And who I am is a puerile stupid manchild who moonlights as a frog 🐸
<raptop> Imagine dieing from the venom after being attacked by a 3 meter long irradiated platypus
This little laser weights 1kg and produces over 500 watts of visible light, it is a beast. (...) This thing has been a lot of fun to play around with, but that age old question came up - so, what are you going to do with it? Well, we've been following the conflict in the mid-east...
"The Meow Mix Theme" was used by the United States Central Intelligence Agency as part of torture and interrogation programs
Begg, the man who was forced to listen to disco, said he was not as unnerved by the music torture as others. The men who suffered most were those coming from more rural parts of Afghanistan and Yemen, who had never been exposed to Western music before. They received the most horrifying introduction imaginable.
About 81% of riders will experience an injury at some point, and 21% will experience a serious injury. The most common horse riding injuries are head injuries, broken bones, and bruises. Traumatic brain injury is the leading cause of serious horse riding injuries.
"Morrisons 'extremely disappointed' after customer sent milk bottle of urine"
SilverFox: being deaf doesnt fucking count that's cheating
<FLHerne> not experiencing things is perhaps the key part of being dead
"This flood is an evil one, says landlord of flooded pub"
Pitch is the distance [a propeller] would move through cheese in one revolution.
[on the 737 MAX] "This airplane is designed by clowns, who are in turn supervised by monkeys," an employee wrote in an exchange from 2017.
"Eventually we're going to go to Mars, and I firmly believe the first person that sets foot on Mars will get there on a Boeing rocket." -- Dennis Muilenburg, CEO, Boeing
"Native GL drivers on mobile platforms shall be outlawed!" -- Mike Blumencrantz, OpenGL working group chair
<electrokitty> I am somewhat surprised stethoscopes are still used
<orbbfrgg> [The B-52 is] like a sausage dog with wings
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." -- Oscar Wilde
The modal form of life on this planet (by mass) is a land plant.
"In its petition to the FAA, Boeing argues the breakup of the engine nacelle is “extremely improbable” and that an exemption will not reduce safety."
The 26th Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union is the largest gem diamond ever found in Russia.
In a world where 3D printers are cheaper than actual toys, kids don't have to make believe, they can just make. It.
<orbbfrgg> As mentioned before we stole things every week to burn on our Friday night underage drinking bonfire
"...it was possible that the phone's airplane mode feature being turned on helped it survive the 16,000ft (4,876m) drop."
"I think the most severe deceleration I've seen was a shoe, but someone's keychain with a fluffy rabbit's foot-type-thing on it was pretty impressive too."
"The engines are tested on Shell Mex Gas Oil, but will run on any of the oils marketed in this country as Diesel Oil, Gas Oil, Diesolite, or Gasoleum, provided that the viscosity does not exceed 40 seconds Redwood No. 1 at 100° Fahrenheit and the oil remains fluid at 200° Fahrenheit. As diesel fuels are variable, it is desirable to draw a sample in a glass from every consignment."
"Test the oil between the fingers. If it lacks lubricating quality, or if it has become thicker, renew it. Discoloration is not harmful."
<FLHerne> I drank one pint of it by mistake years ago, loved it, couldn't speak coherently and then cycled into a bollard
<electrokitty> Black tea is the best, purest way to consume tea
Suffocation deaths are caused by mochi every year in Japan ... As a result of this risk, Japanese authorities put out yearly warnings, advising people to cut mochi into small pieces before consumption.
"Trump team argues assassination of rivals is covered by presidential immunity"
"Well, you follow this road along until you get to a bridge over the small stream. The turning you want is about half a mile before you get there on the right."
"If the result [of competition] is a different way being united around a small number of programs, where states put their efforts together to compete against the real competitors [...], that is OK." -- Guillaume Faury, Airbus chief executive
boeing at least existed as a company, as opposed to a construct setup to give the finger to all the people the continent cast off who somehow did better than them
<thomastheo> just helped the teenage son of my parents break into his own house
"I had a vivid nightmare where this became the national anthem and the UK renamed itself officially to Blobbyland."
Cats, not being pack animals like dogs or people, do not have consciences.
Every animal has evolved to exploit an ecological niche and in the case of cats that niche is people.
""Fair use" of this video is not authorized without written permission from Growler Jams."
"I do often point out that I write both science fiction and fantasy. It’s just that the science fiction is usually titled ‘technical proposal’ and the fantasy is titled ‘budget proposal.’" -- Jordin Kare
Bob Sauer said that his 50-foot cedar trees had acted on the same scientific principle as an airbag, disrupting the door plug’s fall in an act known in physics as impulse.
"Scientists found a way to synchronise drones so they fly like a flock of birds. They used coding and algorithms so the drones didn't crash into each other." -- Business Insider
A spokesperson for Ogwen Valley Mountain Rescue said: "Team leader Chris Campbell, older and more expendable, [...]"
(1) When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.  (2) When life hands you a hemlock, don't make hemlock-ade.  (3) Always know the difference between a lemon and a hemlock.
History does not always repeat itself. Sometimes it just yells "Can't you remember anything I told you?" and lets fly with a club.
Kohler’s PureWash E930 bidet seat helps smarten up your existing toilet by adding new sprays, app connectivity, and voice control.
"Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking—and it's going to stay Fucking" -Mayor of Fucking, Austria
Until 23 November 2023, the top image in the English Wikipedia article for the Boeing 737 MAX was a takeoff picture of the Ethiopian Airlines 737 MAX 8 that would later crash. On 23 November, they changed the image ... to a picture of an Alaska Airlines 737 MAX 9.
"For aircraft, the relative size of miles is a user-configurable setting."
"I don't remember jack shit from high school except one of my physics class where my teacher shot lasers through different mediums (and my eye by accident)"
<orbbfrgg> When you casually read french as an anglophone who doesn't really speak french it just seems like a weird alternate universe version of English where words have been replaced with misspelled versions of synonyms for the same words
<orbbfrgg> electrokitty: let's sausage || Oh wait that just sounds bad out of context
"Millions Irrationally Feared Dead in Minor Train Accident" -- The Onion
<EricAbneri> be back || EricAbneri is now known as quit. || <quit>  fuck
Executives at eBay sent live spiders and cockroaches to Ina and David Steiner, according to court papers.
<FLHerne> I really ought to move my solvents || <FLHerne> they're under the doorstep next to the fire
Henley-on-Todd's is the only dry river regatta in the world; thus, it was the first regatta cancelled because of wet weather, on the occasion when there is actually water in the river.
Bamboo can grow at 8μm/s
<Gliptic> #ask how is Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz pronounced? || <Gliptic> CUDA error 2 at ggml-cuda.cu:8681: out of memory
< orbbfrgg> I reckon sasamj would shoot a bunch of kids because they wasted their time learning to use apostrophes, honestly
There's nothing quite as damaging for a sport's reputation than competitors snapping their necks en masse.
"We don't want to be one of them. That's lame. We don't want to be one of those lame one-planet civilizations." -- Elon Musk
"When I see Falcon 1 right now, I was like, 'man, I think I could probably tuck that under my arm and take it home with me.'" -- Elon Musk
"There's not many industries where one company is doing like 80% of... everything." -- Elon Musk
<orbbfrgg> Apparently you can pay £500 to blow a cow up with an RPG in Poland || <electrokitty> I would have thought both a cow or an RPG would cost more than that
"It's always better to sacrifice hardware rather than sacrifice time. Like, time is the one true currency." -- Elon Musk
<electrokitty> I think you're overthinking this || <orbbfrgg> No, I'm not :(  || I've thought about this for 20 years
"remarkably prescient. The Skylark of Space, for example, contains the discovery of a nuclear reaction strikingly similar to cold fusion, more than 50 years before Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischmann would make such a process a reality."
<electrokitty> Why would you possibly wish to be French || <orbbfrgg> Because of the whole ambi/transformational aspect to mytho-frogetics
"No Mig 29s in town until air show next week," the Russian deadpanned. "Besides, we cannot get dragon into a Mig 29."
<orbbfrgg> Kids just crave nicotine
Warning: Many people will be unhappy if you use this function. This function will convert accented letters into random characters.
The rock band Fall Out Boy took their name from the Simpsons character Fallout Boy, Radioactive Man's sidekick.
"it was honestly kind of fun to experience the Japanese version of racism because they’re so polite that it really takes a while to realise how disrespectful people are being"
In 2000, the mast nut of a Bell 206B was removed to be repainted and was not restored and checked prior to a test flight. The helicopter crashed within ten minutes of takeoff, killing the two occupants.
"Consent is not a defence to the illegal surgical procedures the men willingly took part in to remove their ringleader's penis, leg and nipple, in non-sterile and on occasion life-threatening circumstances."
< thomastheo> elon's gonna go down in history as just another one of those rich wankers with a lot of promise but with a steady decline of decorum and sense, until finally he's filmed sloppily eating a big mac in his undies on the bathroom floor at 3 AM by his teenage daugher, drunk off his ass, mumbling nonsense. then he can either get his shit together, or just fade out like everyone else.
<orbbfrgg> Owls have long eyes || That's why they got the neck.
"Directionless" and "unwatchable", along with "poorly-written dialogue and unlikeable main character," are common criticisms of bad movies, but have entirely different and much more personally cutting connotations when applied to a human being.
"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world." -- Ted Kaczynski
"I see you dropped a pretzel. It just so happens floor pretzels are one of my four hundred favorite foods. I can help you with that for no extra charge."
Dichloromethane isn't the most glorious and wonderful chemical in the world. I don't recommend consuming it. I strongly recommend not consuming it.
"The whole structure of Western society may well be unfitted for the effort that the conquest of space demands. No nation can afford to divert its ablest men into such essentially non-creative, and occasionally parasitic, occupations as law, advertising, and banking." -- Arthur C. Clarke, 1960
"The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there's no good reason to go into space--each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision." -- Randall Munroe
10-year-old Boy Attacked by Shark in 'Shark Tank' Experience at Bahamas Resort
<ldgoforlaunch> EMdrive stirling cycle
Authors can save lots of world-building effort by adapting history to their science fiction backgrounds. And since history actually happened, it will automatically make your scifi background much more scientifically hard.
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.
On 19 September 1806, the Swedish government offered the sovereignty of the island of Gotland to the Order of Knights of the Hospital of Saint John of Jerusalem, which declined.
<raptop> If you're sourcing your poetry from NTRS, something has either gone terribly wrong or terribly right.
Flying Officer Lloyd Allan Trigg, RNZAF, is the only person to have received a Victoria Cross based only on evidence from the enemy.
In Spain and the Phillippines, the captain of a ship or chief of an aeroplane during a voyage can marry two people only if one of them is dying.
"He was going 100+ while it was snowing. With our daughter in the back seat. He saw me bracing myself and started laughing. "Babe, don't worry we are on the autobahn and in a German made car. Besides if we do crash we won't feel it." Those were not the comforting words I wanted to hear."
"One of the engineers I spoke with for a book on the Falcon 9 rocket said, during the inaugural flight campaign back in 2010, that she would catch short afternoon naps inside the interstage. It was "cozy," she said." -- Eric Berger
"At NASA, we had a big program planned to study [supersonic retropropulsion]. We were going to start with lots of computer simulations. Then we would put a thruster on a high speed rail car and shoot the plume into the direction of travel. Then we’d drop rockets off high altitude balloons… But then [SpaceX] just went and tried it, and it WORKED! So NASA canceled our entire program!"
"The only fake thing was the standby generator, which was a cassette player playing a recording of a diesel.generator."
"I have no doubt that global—that a trend of global warming exists. I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with. To assume that it is a problem is to assume that the state of Earth's climate today is the optimal climate, the best climate that we could have or ever have had." -- NASA Administrator Mike Griffin
“I will be direct. In my judgment, the Artemis Program is excessively complex, unrealistically priced, compromises crew safety, poses very high mission risk of completion, and is highly unlikely to be completed in a timely manner even if successful." -- former NASA Administrator Mike Griffin
""The fundamental flaw in the Artemis acquisition approach is the assumption that the US government can and should leverage so-called 'commercial space' for national purposes and that this paradigm is applicable to human spaceflight." -- Mike Griffin
"Increasingly, people seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication, which is baffling - the incomprehensible should cause suspicion rather than admiration." -- Niklaus Wirth
<LunchBot> Added frog: https://i.redd.it/c3240edo750b1.jpg || <FLHerne> who needs edification when we have frogs || endogenous edification
"At some point, the technical skills of the company become negative. And what does that mean? That your company knows so little about what it does that if you would ask a random person on the street for advice on the thing that your company makes, they are more likely to provide correct answers than the people that actually work for the company."
"The views expressed here are those of the author and not necessarily those of the Boeing management. Conversely, the visible policies of the management are not necessarily those that the author would have recommended, had he been asked." -- Boeing internal paper
"(other than for the award of military products, for which it is necessary to involve as many States as possible in production to ensure Congressional support for each program)" -- Boeing internal paper
Out-sourcing all of the value-added work is tantamount to out-sourcing all of the profits.
"The fate of the former Douglas Aircraft Company, which was reduced to a systems integrator in the early 1970s by excessive out-sourcing of DC-10 production, is a clear indicator of what will happen to other companies which fail to sustain the conditions under which it is possible to launch /new/ products. It is hoped that this sacrifice can save the new and expanded Boeing from a similar fate." -- conclusion of Boeing internal memo, 2001
<Nvidiot> The Dutch consider 4-5cm ok for an adult male, obviously more thickness is needed if you are in a (large) group
"Gannets dive spectacularly from a great height; they fold up as they hit the water and down as far as two hundred feet they can give a fish a run for its money. To my mind that should class them as amphibians, although this is not generally conceded."
Just the sight of an albatross will wrench your heartstrings. They're big and graceful and they range over all the oceans of the world, and they live in terrible loneliness as if there really were a curse upon them, just like in the poem.
"Be it known that, waiving all argument, I take the good old fashioned ground that the whale is a fish, and call upon holy Jonah to back me." -- Herman Melville
<ldgoforlaunch> bussin on a cap no stack fr on god
<electrokitty> Oh, and I suppose there was that one time we accidentally microwaved ourselves || Yeah, that was fun
"Of all the beautiful things that mankind by his creative genius and his ability to co-operate has created, it’s the tea clipper, racing home from China under full press of sail, that is the absolute zenith for me. There are those who would cite aircraft and rocket ships or buildings..." -- Chris Stewart
The presence of copepods in the New York City water supply system has caused problems for some Jewish people who observe kashrut. Copepods, being crustaceans, are not kosher, nor are they quite small enough to be ignored as nonfood microscopic organisms, since some specimens can be seen with the naked eye.
"Cask ale is, without exception, Britain’s finest ever invention. That’s not opinion, that’s fact. It’s better than penicillin, the Internet, the corkscrew, Marmite and Viagra put together - and I should know as, last Friday night, I actually did put them all together and ended up, rather embarrassed, in A&E."
< jan> give me goatse or give me death, as they say
<electrokitty> We got a new intern at work and he's only 19 which is basically a baby as far as I'm concerned || He code switches like crazy though || Speaking to other interns it's all zoomer speak and then to anyone else it's normal sentences
"I threw a house party last weekend and one dude ate my pet frog, police said they can't do anything right now as 'frogs have no rights' what can i do now?"
"[Young people] are high-minded because they have not yet been humbled by life, nor have they experienced the force of circumstances. They think they know everything, and are always quite sure about it." -- Aristotle
"Grandmasters don't like to lose to 10-year-old girls, because then we make the front page of all the papers." -- GM Edmar Mednis
Violet Club. The whole thing.
"When we correct your record, we will offer you a letter that you can give to banks, doctors or others to show that your death report was in error. This letter is called ­­­­the "Erroneous Death Case - Third Party Contact" Notice" That's what your bank will need to resurrect you
"Asteroid the size of two ducks impacts above Germany"
The first death from dropping a thermonuclear bomb occurred in 1957 when one fell on a cow.
"We put a lock on the door of the side hatch. It was installed when we got into orbit so that the door could not be opened from the inside and commit hara-kiri, kill the whole crew. That was not because of anybody we had on our flight but because of a concern about someone who had flown before 51-G." -- NASA mission specialist John Fabian
According to the RSPB the average mallard has a length of around 51 centimeters.
<orbbfrgg> It's kinda disappointing that geese and swans can't adjust their buoyancy and poke their heads above the water like periscopes || I guess they're reverse periscopes
Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.
A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.
<Eddi|zuHause> only lydian augmented can reduce an otter to a soup like homogenate...
Half the government is lawyers, and when they make laws they don’t write them in English. Nobody but a lawyer can tell legal from illegal, and the lawyers can’t tell right from wrong anymore.
"To us, heaven switches on daylight, or turns on the showerbath. We little gods are gods of the machine only. It is our highest. Our cosmos is a great engine. And we die of ennui." -- D. H. Lawrence
"[Corporations] cannot commit treason, nor be outlawed nor excommunicated, for they have no souls." -- Lord Chief Justice Sir Edward Coke, 1628
"The reason the door blew off is stated in black and white in Boeing’s own records. It is also very, very stupid and speaks volumes about the quality culture at certain portions of the business."
"The use of Battle for the events is an example of black humour. Although it took place during the First World War, no enemy forces were present and the losses were entirely accidental."
<orbbfrgg>    An online friend said to me many years ago that in a bygone age I'd be destined to be a catamite || <thomastheo>  thats a rather odd thing to say to someone
Hedgehogs can suffer from balloon syndrome, a rare condition in which gas is trapped under the skin from injury or infection, causing the animal to inflate.
The Boeing QA writes another record in CMES (again, the correct venue) stating (with pictures) that Spirit has not actually reworked the discrepant rivets, they *just painted over the defects*. In Boeing production speak, this is a “process failure”. For an A&P mechanic at an airline, this would be called “federal crime”.
Any pub universally known by an unadvertised nickname is good.
"This check job that should find minimal defects has in the past 365 calendar days recorded 392 nonconforming findings on 737 mid fuselage door installations (so both actual doors for the high density configs, and plugs like the one that blew out)."
"In the official build records of the airplane, a pressure seal that cannot be accessed without opening the door (and thereby removing retaining bolts) is documented as being replaced, but the door is never officially opened and thus no QA inspection is required."
"It probably wasn't a good idea simply to ignore the OBR" -- Kwasi Kwarteng
<+thomastheo> is it unusually hard to sex a turtle?
<orbbfrgg> What's a goon cave
<orbbfrgg> I'm pretty Unabomber on this topic ngl
<orbbfrgg> I'm pretty Unabomber on this topic ngl || And most topics for that matter
"I think you can ethically be a cannibal in certain situations. I don’t have some hunger to go hunt people down and gnaw off their faces. This was one experience where I had the chance to do something unique in a healthy and ethical manner."
<Gliptic> aren't there still risks with cannibalism, or is that just with eating brains
Although measurements between whole hands are usually expressed in what appears to be decimal format, the subdivision of the hand is not decimal but is in base 4, so subdivisions after the radix point are in quarters of a hand, which are inches.
A Crab is a standard astrophotometrical unit for measurement of the intensity of Astrophysical X-ray sources. One Crab is defined as the intensity of the Crab Nebula at the corresponding X-ray photon energy.
The unit mCrab, or milliCrab, is sometimes used instead of the Crab.
<+thomastheo> ive considered supplanting my diet with artificially enriched carbon-14 to mess with future archaeologists, but it would be a rather involved process
In many parts of the UK travel 50 miles and the accent and dialect has changed and what the locals call a small bread roll has changed twice.
Sometimes even in the habitual course of life, the reality of this world disappears all at once, and we feel ourselves in the middle of its interests as we should at a ball, where we did not hear the music; the dancing that we saw there would appear insane.
They who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.
<@SilverFox> at what point do you just genocide below a certain iq level so that they dont reproduce
"The spreadsheet stands alone as that thing where a common user will state, with confidence, "let me process this mass of data, let me chain these functions, let me build heuristics and produce statistics." And I think that's worth something, even if the results occasionally remind us why software engineering has the quality processes that it does..."
All the cool kids have big ASCII login banners.
<TheKosmonaut> Also, trust my stock calls. Buy NTDOY, AAPL, and send the rest of your money directly to me || <electrokitty>  TheKosmonaut: no, invest in ornamental gourd futures.
Change is the enemy of uptime. Do not embrace change for change's sake. Only embrace change when you have a set of logical, requirements-driven reasons that are forcing that change upon you.
< sasamj> like surely once you can't find your penis anymore, any sane person knows its time to stop
<electrokitty> Mine is a little on the small size, kinda wish I'd gone for a size or two larger
If scientists were forced by law to call dark matter "Angels" until they, you know, had actually detected some, and to call dark energy "The Holy Spirit" until they could come up with even a rough account of what it was or where it came from, it might be a bit more obvious what they were doing.
In 2014 and 2016, two new rounds, Penetration-Cum-Blast and Thermobaric, were developed for the Arjun tank and successfully tested. Impact assessments were also carried out with instruments to measure shock and blast pressure.
<electrokitty> Help me step-tank I'm stuck
Onan's crime is often misinterpreted to be masturbation but it is universally agreed among biblical scholars that Onan's death is attributed to his refusal to fulfill his obligation of levirate marriage with Tamar by committing coitus interruptus.
<electrokitty> What if medical science hypothetically got to the point where it was possible to reassemble someone from mere atoms? Would it be unethical to not resurrect everyone ever?
"The penalties are insufficient. If offenders were garrotted with their own intestines, there would be fewer of them." -- Sir Desmond Swayne MP
"I told my doc I liked my high blood pressure because it was like pressure washing my arteries. He didn't like that."
Tesla fjord crash passengers saved by floating sauna users
< orbbfrgg> I imagined you being a very masculine guy with like ten girlfriends || < orbbfrgg> And 80 balls
10 is the best age to be.
"The actual figure is so long I cannot get it onto a line, but I believe the figure 1 1/16 will be sufficiently accurate for poetry." -- Charles Babbage
<raptop> TFW when you're filling out paperwork that lets you enter your date of death
<orbbfrgg> I'm like whatever gay is but backwards
< orbbfrgg> I kinda low-key enjoy women's football because I wanna get bullied by an athletic mommy
"We used these too, more towards the late '80s and early '90s. There was something known as a "drop test". It was pretty simple - if you were having issues with one, you would drop it from a height of about 3-4 feet onto concrete. That usually reseated the ROMS and resolved the issues."
"So I plugged the GRiD directly into the transformer and booted it without any issues. Then I tested the surge protector which promptly exploded and caught fire. It turns out that the transformer was actually putting out about 400V instead of the expected 110."
The shortest navigable canal built in the UK was the Wardle Canal at 154 feet in length. The Stockport Canal has since been shortened to 86 feet, taking the record.
When you sit on a toilet, you're connecting your butthole to a city wide network of connected buttholes.
"... and recovered aft lower hinge guide fitting indicate that the four bolts that prevent upward movement of the MED plug were missing before the MED plug moved upward off the stop pads."
"The separation of the MED plug from the airplane adversely affected the pressurization performance of the airplane."
FLHerne: to be honest, my own sense of taste doesn't extend to the creation of thematic pies in the first place
Check oil level regularly. If it goes up be suspicious and seek professional help.
"The Transporter program was created a few years ago with, in my opinion, the sole purpose of trying to kill new entrants like us." -- Sandy Tirtey, director of global commercial launch services, Rocket Lab
<mac> FLHerne: 'Bonfire' is a funny way of spelling 'petrol bomb'
Charles D. B. King won the 1927 Liberian general election by the largest margin in history, receiving more than 15 votes per registered voter.
<orbbfrgg> Because I have 100 frog stickers in my coat pocket all the time these days, when I want to unnerve somebody I ask them if they want a frog sticker, if I want to *really* unnerve them I ask if they want 100 frog stickers || Obviously the unnerving happens when they see that I actually have 100 frog stickers
"Are you kidding me? We need Muppet Aliens99,99 with everybody but Ripley played by Muppets, right now."
<electrokitty> Honestly would've been far more amusing if the CIA had rigged him to explode after detecting a certain number of lies/hour
Real worms don't have any bones, but gummy worms are gelatin made from bones, which means gummy worms have more bones than real worms.
<electrokitty> a snake is just a boned worm
"For bosses, there’s a downside to motivating your workers with appeals to a sense of mission. Namely, your workers will feel a sense of mission." -- Cory Doctorow
"🚀👩‍🚀👨‍🚀🌌🛰️🌍🌎🌏📡🔭💼🧑‍💼👩‍💼🌟✨📈" -- Eric Berger
<electrokitty> Anyone who unironically uses more than 2 emoji per message is clinically insane
There are two ways to understand the answer to your question: Damn near a decade of advanced studies in physics or a half pint of LSD.
Berger 2020 https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/07/the-year-2020-could-see-the-unheard-of-debut-of-four-big-rockets-or-not/
A person who offers for transportation tank cars containing sulfur, molten or residue of sulfur, molten may reference the Sulfur Institute's "Molten Sulphur Rail Tank Car Guidance document" to identify tank cars that may pose a risk in transportation due to the accumulation of formed, solid sulfur on the outside of the tank.
"remember, mummies are only rare because *people ate them*"
"Because of all these factors, along with a sense of urgency in Europe about the need to begin flying the Ariane 6 to become more competitive with the likes of SpaceX, we have highest confidence in the maiden launch of this vehicle in 2020." -- Eric Berger
"Report about 'hysterical death cries' turned out to be karaoke."
<nivag> dnsmcbr, Agreed, as Emotional Resilience is at least as important. I once played an acknowledged super genius at Chess, he was defeating me decisively when he overlooked the possibility of me skewering his Queen against his King with my hitherto undeveloped Bishop. I won the game. The real shocker was that he refused to play me after that! Obviously, losing to an obviously inferior play was too much for his ego!
"The sodium burn pit, an open-air pit for cleaning sodium-contaminated components, was also contaminated by the burning of radioactively and chemically contaminated items in it, in contravention of safety requirements."
"The control console didn't have a key to switch on, but was considered safe at the time due to all the writing being in russian"
Even though in the past tense its amusing to look back at raising your sunken boat, its not so fun at the time, especially if it goes down 2 days in a row.
<Gliptic> I had a dream that Musk had hired me to keep a flock of geese || because goose brains were good at running AI algos on || and especially if you braided two or more of the geese's necks together, but I wasn't good at that and got fired :(
<electrokitty> Hehe ARSEnide
<electrokitty> What is the IEC code for a frog battery
A frog battery is an electrochemical battery consisting of a number of dead frogs (or sometimes live ones), which form the cells of the battery connected in a series arrangement.
"Because Valli found himself on the wrong side in this dispute, and refused to change his opinion despite the evidence, his work has become a bit of a backwater and his frog battery is little known and poorly documented."
Leopoldo Nobili built a frog battery in 1818 out of complete frog legs which he called a frog pile.
<FLHerne> stop ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ing at me
"It's like if you meet somebody who says they're really into science but they mean they watch Rick & Morty, NdGT clips, Richard Dawkins and bought a NASA t shirt from AliExpress" - Frogman 2024
<orbbfrgg> [Dune]'s just like, star wars with islam
<orbbfrgg> Omicron and Omega are called such because they are O-micron and O-mega. Small O and Big O (short and long sounds respectively).
[James] Anderson has been trying to market his ideas for transreal arithmetic and "Perspex machines" to investors. He claims that his work can produce computers which run "orders of magnitude faster than today's computers". He has also claimed that it can help solve such problems as quantum gravity, the mind-body connection, consciousness and free will.
<shoe> electrokitty: u see the Humane AI Pin? its a square thingy u wear on ur shirt like a pin that has a projector on it and u control it with voice and hand gestures in order to make every mundane smartphone task infinitely more difficult
<sasamj> Panty vending machine budget???
"Your AI Girlfriend Is a Data-Harvesting Horror Show"
You're never too young to learn the fundamentals of torture and interrogation, but it takes age and experience to appreciate it for the art that it is.
A typical shoggoth measures 15 feet across when a sphere, though others exist of much greater size.
A council investigation is under way into claims a former BHS building is being used as a snail farm.
People quit bad managers, not bad jobs.
<sasamj> with today's technology we could make everyone have the exact time and make infinite time zones based on GPS data || Let's do that
"Scientists aghast at bizarre AI rat with huge genitals"
From a distance, the anatomical image is clearly all sorts of wrong. But, looking closer only reveals more flaws, including the labels "dissilced," Stemm cells," "iollotte sserotgomar," and "dck."
<dnsmcbr> everyday we stray further from god's light
From 1920 to 1929, the Mystical Church of the Comforter had a temple inside Denmark Hill railway station.
<FLHerne> I've never got the hang of this exotic foreign holiday thing || <FLHerne> it's always either too hot or too cold or generally not exactly like England
"If, for example, tomorrow an expedition of Martians came to us here and one said 'I want to be baptised!', what would happen? Martians, right? Green, with long noses and big ears." -- Pope Francis
"Any entity – no matter how many tentacles it has – has a soul." -- Guy Consolmagno, curator of the Vatican meteorite collection
It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.
"Third-grade science experiment gone wrong sends 18 students, teacher to Tennessee hospital."
On the 17th of July 1787 at four in the afternoon four people were killed in the Belfry of Great Staughton Church by a flash of lightning!
FLHerne: orbbfrgg: TA`HA`E A`A`a`A``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````STUA`a`PA`DI DA`YA`SOan` A`FA`NA`C A`A`Ra`e A
<orbbfrgg> Canal people live in a parallel world || It's The City & The City but more banal, and wet
<orbbfrgg> Getting things right is hoity-toity and efete, and for posh educated types
Do you believe that shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our society, or not?
Someone survived an exploding plane without a parachute.
<thomastheo> i ordered another 200g of sodium metal || i don't know why || i just kinda did it || also some arsenic.
A "nauseating" stench engulfing the South African city of Cape Town comes from a ship docked in the port carrying 19,000 cows, local officials say.
<thomastheo> thnakfully asbestos has not evolved to the point where it procreates yet
"If any Person shall sell any Arsenic, save as authorized by this Act, or on any Sale of Arsenic shall deliver the same without having made and signed the Entries hereby required on such Sale, ... every Person so offending shall for every such Offence, upon a summary Conviction for the same before Two Justices of the Peace in England or Ireland, or before Two Justices of the Peace or the Sheriff in Scotland, be liable to a Penalty not exceeding Twent
"WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME. these dumbfucks think that everyone is a developer and understands code. well i am not and i don't understand it. I only know to download and install applications. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE CODE? make an EXE file and give it to me. STUPID FUCKING SMELLY NERDS"
Nothing is foreign; parts relate to whole / One all-extending all-preserving soul / connects each being, greatest with the least / made beast in aid of man and man of beast / All serv'd, all serving! nothing stands alone / The chain holds on, and where it ends, unknown.
< jonty> Someone once tried to claim a voucher because they attached an LED to a stick.
Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE https://twitter.com/UtilityLimb/status/126780301211992064
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.
"With the generator still connected to the grid, large electrical arcs start to form, vaporizing the copper conductors, causing it to pull a massive 300 megawatts."
The Waterloo & City Line is turquoise because it's the favourite colour of the legal secretary who worked on transferring it to TfL.
"Only liberals drink skimmed milk to go with their faux leather sandals. Full fat, creamy milk will nourish your inner Tory."  -- Jacob Rees-Mogg
<sasamj> The only time I've run into anyone else in this channel on the Internet on anything but reddit was ergzay arguing on Crunchyroll about how some anime was not accurate to the manga
<electrokitty> They were going to land either way, whether it's in one piece or many is just a question of speed
"I told my girlfriend we were going back to the moon and she was like "What do you mean? Aren't we like there all the time? I thought we've just been up there since the '70s or whatever.""
"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon, than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness, that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and, for my part, I sincerely detest it, as I detest everything that is cruel." -- Thomas Paine
"Abortion is a difficult topic for me. On the one hand I support it because it kills children. On the other hand, it gives women a choice."
"The lasers, though, did not work, and engineers determined that a physical switch — a safety measure on the ground because the lasers are not eye-safe — was not flipped before launch."
<Gliptic> and bingo was his brain-o!
<Gliptic> it's a typo but caused by brain failure || no offense, electrokitty
< FLHerne> I hope I never generate a 30-page forum thread entitled "I never did like Francis Herne"
"I'm an egotistical bastard, and I name all my projects after myself. First 'Linux', now 'git'." -- Linus Torvalds
< orbbfrgg> Gonna piss on my hands one day just for the funzies
The word of God is the creation we behold: And it is in this word99,99, which no human invention can counterfeit or alter, that God speaketh universally to man.
There is a Word of God; there is a revelation. The word of God is the creation we behold.
"If the goal is to just make money, I could sell 6,000 PPI panoramas of women's feet as NFT's. Note: Do not contact me about this"
"Captain Richardson may have thought it was clever and weight-saving to combine the steam cylinders with the propellor blade roots, suggesting that the heat from the cylinders would prevent icing."
"Someone sent me a text about Sicilian telegraphs. Can you please send it again." -- Douglas Self, on his website homepage
"You can't trust trains to make difficult decisions; I've seen Thomas the Tank Engine" - Jago Hazzard
Noon comes from an abbreviation of Latin Nona Hora, meaning "Ninth Hour".
<orbbfrgg> I'd accidentally tell people my birthday was 10th of the 10th because it's 10th Dec || I was already interested in words at that age and so was already full of not very useful etymological information.
Astronomers hate leap years because they make light-years 0.27% longer.
"The other Rapide that we bought as scrap for engines etc had a jumper from a higher a/c hit from above and wedged in the fuselage up to his waist."
"The easiest thing to harm in this situation is the students" -- raptop's PhD advisor
Of what use is it, unless it be to teach man something, that his eye is endowed with the power of beholding, to an incomprehensible distance, an immensity of worlds revolving in the ocean of space?
Learning does not consist, as the schools now make it consist, in the knowledge of languages, but in the knowledge of things to which language gives names.
"The bumper would mechanically activate discs inscribed with the name of the owner and the license plate number of the car. The discs would stamp the information on you, alongside your bruises and broken bones."
You know, there’s a porn store for Android. You can download nothing but porn. You can download porn, your kids can download porn. That’s a place we don’t want to go – so we’re not going to go there. - Steve Jobs
"I just wanted to showcase Michael Parks in a fucked up story, where he could recite some Lewis Carroll and 'The Rime of the Ancient Mariner' to some poor motherfucker sewn into a realistic walrus costume." -- Kevin Smith
In the 1960s, Rocketdyne fired an engine using a mixture of liquid lithium, gaseous hydrogen, and liquid fluorine to produce a specific impulse of 542 seconds.
"An event described as: better than expected and I can't believe it wasn't a disaster"
"Dragon Wake-up Music: An off-key all-flute version of A-Ha's 'Take On Me'. Apparently selected by Thomas. Not broadcast on the SpaceX webcast, apparently, since we didn't secure the rights. Perhaps SpaceX legal didn't have enough time to contact the owner of the Youtube channel 'Shittyflute'"
<thomastheo> oooh goody, parcel from poland || i think i will wait to open it until i am at a fumehood, with proper ppe at the ready
<electrokitty> I am not the sort of person who buys tubes of urine on the internet
<orbbfrgg> Most people reflexively stop staring at the sun as soon as it becomes slightly uncomfortable || <electrokitty> What if they're secretly a moth || <orbbfrgg> They die happy
<thomastheo> i'd like to remain alive and not on fire || <thomastheo> for the time being
" * This is a workspace not a sleeping space  * If you really do need to sleep here, you may  * You will be playing second fiddle to people working here, if someone wants to test the Chrysler Air-Raid siren in the room you're sleeping in, so be it."
"I'm considering a ?wakeup command for IRC, but it'd need the agreement of 3 or 4 people before it triggers an airhorn or such"
"Today I lost a pcb in the bubble etch tank and tried to dredge it out by hand. It doesn't hurt at the time but the next time you wash your hands it will hurt LIKE HELL"
"The motor drive is stuck on. The motor drive will not stop turning. Beware."
"A couple of us were idly discussing (at 2AM...) how best to use the available rooms down stairs ( Childrens Toilets, Murder Kitchen, Storage Cupboard opposite the Biolab ) for the proposed subgroups ( Dark Room, PCBEtching and Brewing ). Someone suggested that the PCB etching and Dark Room could possibly co-exist in the Murder Kitchen"
It's not simply good enough to read the datasheet carefully, you also have to be reading the *right* datasheet carefully.
Do you think you'd run faster if you had your arms surgically amputated, and obviously given time to adjust to running armless again.
"I wish someone would spend this much on a movie devoted to a fetish I actually have." -- Roger Ebert
"..and would you like to guess where the Romans put the Roman meridian? That's right, the western end of the Canary Islands."
<FLHerne> I can't spell this mornong :-(
"Culling has proved to work, and can I suggest that rather than talking about stopping culling on badgers and to introduce some other form, that all wild animals have to be culled." -- Richard Drax MP
<FLHerne> I still can't reconcile my beliefs in free will and in people being mechanistic, and it frustrates me :-(
The Chandelier Tree in Drive-Thru Tree Park is a 276-foot (84 m) tall coast redwood tree in Leggett, California with a 6-foot-wide (1.8 m) by 6-foot-9-inch-high (2.06 m) hole cut through its base to allow a car to drive through.
< FLHerne> raptop: you are an important part of my cert renewal automation
<jan> i think everyone should be free to talk about their shrivelling genitals in the new channel || otherwise it won't be as good as the old channel
<orbbfrgg> That furrymap is just a hate crime enabler
The STS-128 flight day 6 execute package report claimed that Jon Stewart turned down NASA's offer to name the ISS Urine Processor "Space Toilet Environmental Waste Accumulator/Recycling Thingy" (STEWART).
Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, better known as Posie Parker, isn’t a fan of these very small pictures of people because it’s impossible to tell what kind of genitals they have.
<ldgoforlaunch> Let's just move to Discord. || * ldgoforlaunch turns into nivag and ducks and runs away very quickly.
Your first roadside bomb is always a bit of a shock.
<thomastheo> i have to now take time out of my day to complain to a lab supplier that the box of 100 test tubes they sent arrived with only 25 test tubes undamaged. they will resend another box, with a similar result.
14v relays can't handle 37V:(
< FLHerne> My;keybaoard is dine
"I judge people who prefer blueberry tea over the proper sort with the squinty eyes of unreconstructed bias. Proper tea has caffeine in it, and is brown or very occasionally muddy green. Anything else is just smelly water."
Ezekiel 4:12
"I was really hoping they'd accidentally create a wormhole or inter-dimensional portal by now. Its very boring all this standard science stuff"
"'I will shoot at him' said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. 'No! I must kill the demons' he shouted.  The radio said 'No, John. You are the demons.' And then John was a zombie."
If it doesn't fit, just grab a sawzall, it'll fit eventually
"Caroli quickly became a problem; he attempted to strangle his MI5 handler before making an escape, carrying a canoe on a motorcycle. He vaguely planned to row to Holland but came unstuck after falling off the bike in front of a policeman."
<Darkelarious> I'm trying to make a pic but every time he sees a camera he's like "ooooh let's hop on it" || http://rhea.333networks.com/share/showcase/birb/20230827_192248.jpg
<FLHerne> it seemed happy, then half the oil vanished, then I topped it up and it seems happy again
Detailed documentation will not be headed to NTSB because Boeing doesn't have any. Sources with knowledge of the probe told Aviation Week that Boeing has provided all the paperwork that exists related to the mid-September 2023 rivet re-work during the aircraft's production that required opening the plug. The work's non-routine nature meant it was not documented in detail.
In the UK, you cannot change your name to one with more than 300 characters in total — that is, adding up the length of your forenames and surname including spaces (this limit is imposed for technical reasons).
"The writers convened as a group to determine which philosopher or school of philosophy their game would be based on. A consensus was reached when a team member suggested that a lot of people like cake."
"While I was working on Old Man Murray, I wrote my first game, Alien vs. Child Predator. It remains one of just a handful of games to mix addictive Pokemon-style creature collecting with North Carolina’s sex offender registry." -- Eric Wolpaw
"In defense of games, I want to point out that the writing in plays, including everything by August Strindberg and The Lion King, is 100% pure crap. So we’re doing better than they are even though they have the benefit of mostly not being about space marines." -- Eric Wolpaw
"I WILL EAT YOUR HEART WITH A FUCKING SPOON IF YOU AKS ANY MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT COLORS" -- Anonymous, xkcd Color Survey
<orbbfrgg> I don't even know what's going on with frogs sometimes
<electrokitty> I wonder if [frogs] ever just pop
<thomastheo> my secret home ingredient for surprising people with good food is duck fat
<orbbfrgg> The other day somebody asked me what woke was meant to mean || I said "caring about other people's feelings, but if that was bad"
There is no material problem – whether created by nature or by technology – that cannot be solved with more technology.
Residents of a city in western Japan have been warned to stay away from a cat after it fell into a tank of poisonous chemicals. The warning comes after a factory worker found yellow paw prints leading away from the container.
Protagonism is best left to teens and the insane.
After a certain point, most people have stopped wondering who they're gonna be because they've been who they're gonna be, possibly for a while. Things get a lot less existential.
< nivag> Come for the cicada video, stay for the scaling graphic of urination across animal kingdom.
"I've never fell off a big chimney. You only fall off o' one of them once." -- Fred Dibnah
This AD requires repetitive cycling of either the airplane electrical power or the power to the three flight control modules (FCMs). This AD was prompted by a report indicating that all three FCMs might simultaneously reset if continuously powered on for 22 days.
Just because something is safe to eat or drink doesn't mean it's safe to squirt deep inside your face, like your sinus cavities and eye sockets, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would like to remind you.
<raptop> Normally you don't reach peak hydrodynamic pressure when you're in the transsonic regime, but here we are.
In flight, the fuselage of the Concorde would expand by up to ten inches due to kinetic heating. Also the wings would kind of swap sides and the wheels would go wrong and the whole airliner would become smaller than the tree next to the runway.
<@thomastheo> i guess slavery just tastes better
<thomastheo> that reminds me, i have some asbestos to dump
< orbbfrgg> Raw Rampart sounds like a Medieval LARP Porno | < orbbfrgg> Which I would probably be into
<FLHerne> also we have strict instructions not to touch dead dogs in case they explode
<sasamj> oh god youtube algorithm thinks im a bronie for some reason, send help
"Cultural? Like the woman is Dutch and habitually blunt, and the OP is lucky she didn't tell him he's ugly and smells weird?"
"I believe that the movement against asbestos was led by the mob, because it was often mob-related companies that would do the asbestos removal." -- Donald Trump
Westward Ho!, the only UK placename with an exclamation mark in it.
"Inside the bubble, Republicans say, 'We need to get a result, we need to effectively govern.' Um, to me, that's almost code words for, 'We got to do Democrat-lite.' [...] I think we’d be far better off if we never passed another piece of legislation." -- Sen. Ron Johnson, R-WI
Sonu Jaiswal was the first person to livestream a fatal plane crash from inside the plane.
<sasamj> Anyways, after smoking crack I have come up with an even more ridiculous solution, you use the wind turbine blades as helicopter blades, and take apart the helicopter at the build site
<orbbfrgg> Also like, you don't need to take every statement literally || Contextual interpretation of statements came free with your brain
<jan64> i'd rather not have my bones dissolved
"They attempted to sail away on a raft they made, but it broke up approximately 1 mile (1.6 km) offshore, and they were forced to return. The breakup of their raft was fortunate in retrospect, as the boys believed they were in Samoa and had started sailing south into the open ocean."
"The families of the castaway boys promised to teach Warner the secrets of how and where to fish for the Pacific spiny lobster, and Warner was given a royal concession to trap the spiny lobster in Tongan waters as a reward for rescuing the group, befriending King Tāufaʻāhau Tupou IV."
When sending an e-mail, please enter a half-width character "@" instead of a full-width character "＠."
<electrokitty> dnsmcbr: Eye pee, or are you a 75Ω wanker?
<@dnsmcbr> I have measured the characteristic impedance of my penis, and unfortunately it does not meet the average :(
<orbbfrgg> Butter is great anyway, everything needs more butter
"A bit the worse for wear we had the Squirrel fire going it got too hot and James thought it might be clever to pour water down the flue from outside. It wasn't."
<thomastheo> aww the new guy left again || and i didnt even get to ask him about cheesecake
"While Ray's team continues to work to recover funds lost, which has been estimated around $10 billion, the total amount of stakeholder claims filed is $23.6 quintillion dollars."
<dnsmcbr> Rokker: I was recently reminded of our time enjoying white goo together
Sam Ballard was drinking with his friends when they saw a slug crawl across the floor. They dared him to eat the slug which he did. Soon he became weak & fell into a coma for 420 days. When he woke up he was paralyzed & died 8 years later in 2018.
It's depressing to think about, but when we die, we will likely be forgotten in less than a hundred years. Nobody alive will ever think of you again. Unless you eat the Mona Lisa.
<jep_miner1> Then I was dicking about with the power flow and everything died
The Hatchet Inn, at 27 Frogmore Street in Bristol, dates from 1606 and is notable for its front door made of human skin.
"They don't mix, do they? Guitars, and pints."
There may have been some hydrazine vapour along with that water vapour, but i prefer not to believe that.
<thomastheo> his curtains are probably sufficiently nitrated to be an explosion hazard
Caffeine addiction is sort of fun, it's a good ritual.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, don't fix it, just complain about it.
"The difficulty for me as a huge fan of SpaceX, but a huge skeptic about Starship, is the fact that it's so big. It's so massive. If Neil Armstrong were alive today to talk to them, he would probably say 'that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." -- Charles Bolden
<FLHerne> my experience of trying to dodge swans is that they just change their mind and get in the way the other way
[forum post] > "Scott Manley is the best by a country mile, the others are mostly excitable "kidults" who have facial hair and yet still live with mum and dad. Nobody should ever wear a hat indoors unless they happen to be a bishop or a monarch."
Landlubbers might accuse each other of being 'full of sh*t' but only boaters know exactly how much.
<@thomastheo> closest free goat to me is 40km
<orbbfrgg> If you want posterity, invent a stop-gap solution that works, it will become permanent
<orbbfrgg> Oh I figured out why the weather channel shows as having a tiny left wing bias || Right wing people don't believe in weather
"If ice plating is going on, that is the time you put on the most toxic chemicals you can find on Planet Earth."
Speaking to BBC Sport, Mr Jenkins said: "This morning I was throwing up and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to race. It would be a lot nicer if there wasn't as much poo in the water."
<orbbfrgg> electrokitty: I'm a sewage accelerationist, I want there to be more and more sewage in the water at an accelerating rate, to speed up the inevitable nationalisation
"My name is now synonymous with eating a bucketload of shit in public." -- Michael Portillo
"Just a quick announcement. When you leave tonight, please go left out of the door and not right. There's a hole in the bridge."
<FLHerne> it's a disappointingly small hole
"The Safe Air Boeing 727-200F with registration 5Y-IRE was attempting to land when it struck the MD-82, which had been involved in a prior landing accident"
"She got her hair wrapped round the prop shaft didn't she? Ripped part of her scalp out. Real bad."
You can supply single-use plastic straws in: care homes, premises used for early years provision, schools, prisons or other places of detention
"I actually borrowed, like, 22 grand from a guy I didn't know. And he was like 'I'll break your thumbs if you don't pay it back'. We're best mates now."
<thomastheo>  LOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS VACUUM TUBE IS https://forum.revspace.nl/uploads/default/optimized/1X/1df169b2aa78e71e4ab548c2636f0dff5b79b46d_2_666x500.jpeg
<FLHerne> the software issue we spent days trying to fix was EM interference
"And here is the reveal, what it contains... it's the world's first rickroll etched into silicon!"
<electrokitty> Megametres are underused as a unit
"Back in third grade I had a crush on this one girl so I put a frog down the back of her dress."
HMS Invincible was destroyed by a magazine explosion during the battle after the armour of one of her gun turrets was penetrated.
"Sometimes the Sentinelese waved and sometimes they turned their backs and assumed a 'defecating' posture, which Pandit took as a sign of their not being welcome. [...] Other gestures in response to contact parties, such as swaying of penises, have been noted."
<electrokitty> I like onions but I can't stand cutting them || At least not without a full face respirator or underwater which is a bit too involved
Homeless people should not be arrested just because they smell, a minister has said.
The president of Botswana has threatened to send 20,000 elephants to Germany in a dispute over conservation.
In 2016, customs officials in Nigeria confiscated 2.5 tonnes of rice which they suspected was made from plastic.
"The coated glass demonstrated superior performance compared to normal glass, reducing the temperature by between 41.7 °F and 45 °F (5.4 °C 7.2 °C) across a wide range of incident angles."
<orbbfrgg> Breathe your grandfather's gas and be thankful || <jan64> Yeah
a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck
<FLHerne> the reaction time of a boat is much longer than the doing-random-stupid-stuff loop of a swan
John 2:15–16
"It's okay because when they hit the ground they go boeing"
In 1924 Glasfabriek Leerdam decided that what the market really wanted was a pressed glass dinner service that exploded on contact with hot liquids.
<thomastheo> orbbfrgg: it has happened. we have made it through another winter. i was in the dunes tonight at dusk, and was met with the sound of thousands upon thousands of happy frogs croaking, carried across the scene by this year's first summery evening breeze.
<jan64> does it make your skin smell like bacon if exposed? || <thomastheo> more like burnt bacon, but yes
<FLHerne> https://www.flherne.uk/files/IMG_20231202_172303.jpg || <Torrac> FLHerne: But where did you get the cartoon bomb?
"Winning is good, but the charitable deeds that are part of People's Postcode Lottery is much better. I just think we have got to do more for humanity and that is what the lottery is about."
"During the trial, the judge, Mr. Justice Hinchcliffe—who at one point described Oluwale [the victim] as "a dirty, filthy, violent vagrant"—directed the jury to find the defendants not guilty of manslaughter, perjury and assaults occasioning grievous bodily harm. The jury returned unanimous verdicts of guilty."
<jan64> i learned english by insulting people online
In 1994, the tiny Welsh village of St. David's was made a city for no good reason. Apparently the Queen just liked it.
<thomastheo> i just got sidetracked and procrastinated by reading about various islands for most of the day
<thomastheo> it's easier for me to accept the north sentinelese islanders' continued isolation from the modern world than undersea tunnel roundabouts in remote north atlanti islands being financed by american pension funds
"They are normal, functioning and fairly non-eccentric people, but it seems when they drive somewhere, the husband (in the driver's seat) only controls the pedals and the steering, and the wife (passenger seat) does the gears, the handbrake and the indicators."
"It's either carrying a suitcase of crap, a vast tank of crap that costs each time you empty it, bags of desiccated crap that nobody wants in their bin, burning crap in an expensive fairytale loo, or storing dessicated crap in vats on your roof."
"Let me tell you one of my pet peeves: Space solar power. The stupidest thing ever - and if anyone should like space solar power, it should be me. I've got a rocket company, and a solar company." -- Elon Musk
"I'll just plug my alligator clip directly into the live"
There's a great phrase in French: "l'esprit d'escalier", or "the wit of the staircase." It's when you think of a killer reply, but the conversation is long over.
<sasamj> Isn't Airbus the airbus of defense
"Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them." -- Barry Goldwater
"Those who seek absolute power, even though they seek it to do what they regard as good, are simply demanding the right to enforce their own version of heaven on earth. And let me remind you, they are the very ones who always create the most hellish tyrannies. Absolute power does corrupt, and those who seek it must be suspect and must be opposed." -- Barry Goldwater
<@jan64> hm, my cheap m.2 optane sticks from china arrived mouldy
< FLHerne> I mean, it's a 44hp engine and it weighs 1½ ton | < FLHerne> you could store a baby in each cylinder
"I literally saw people jumping on the pieces of the airplane to get them to align," Salehpour said. "By jumping up and down, you’re deforming parts so that the holes align temporarily … and that’s not how you build an airplane."
"One mistake, and this thing could easily turn a bystander into two neatly separated portions of bystander in the blink of an eye."
If you don't know how to tie a knot, tie a lot
"Something about my 4 cats together in one room at the same time is making me realize that 4 cats is a lot of cats."
<orbbfrgg> You can fart through jeans and have a flame that persists for multiple seconds
<FLHerne> that's even madder than the guy who collects his shit as stove fuel
<electrokitty> Can't you see we're currently discussing burning your own excrement
"As you might imagine, we model this carefully. Our estimate remains around 10 flights as a fleet average to achieve a consistent breakeven point for the propulsive flyback type of reuse. [...] Our current assessment is that 10 remains valid and that no one has come anywhere close to demonstrating these economic sustainability goals." -- Tory Bruno, April 2020
"As I have said before, propulsive fly-back generally requires an average reuse of 10x per booster, which has been achieved. The initial nonrecurring investment in achieving that has not been demonstrated to close a business case. However, investors seem to have chosen to write that off." -- Tory Bruno, 2024
"As I have gotten more experience in space and tech I am utterly unimpressed by economic models (even by famous consulting firms and think-tanks) to have *any* predictive value. The only successful way of predicting the future is to build it." -- Thomas Zurbuchen, NASA
The only successful way of predicting the future is to build it.
"You can't even put it down to zombie cunts liquidising their brains with mobile fucking phones because they were every bit as mindless with pelicon crossings long, long before it became fashionable to shamble around drooling into a portable cerebral disintegrator."
"Crucially, the assumed distribution of ballast on board bore no resemblance to reality, which resulted in the ship leaving Southampton with a higher centre of gravity than normal."
<orbbfrgg> Well it wasn't racism back then it was just common sense
It doesn't matter whether you have authority over someone, only whether they think you do. This applies in both directions.
"Teach me how to love my neighbour / do to him as him to me / Share the fruits of all our labour / 20 tons of TNT."
The officials acknowledged that only about half of them were intercepted successfully. The rest failed in flight and didn't reach their targets, the officials said.
A fire is uncontrolled if it has spread to at least one object that wasn't supposed to be on fire.
The acting general manager of Malakal Airfield said, "A large cargo plane landed and crashed at our airport at 11 a.m. This plane landed a few meters outside the runway, causing its tires to burst and turn inside out. As a result, the plane lost control and hit a plane that had previously crashed."
"I moved into a two family house and it turns out our upstairs neighbor is a beekeeper. There's 20,000 bees in the backyard. She said they're friendly and will learn my face and behavior pattern and not bother me. I do not want 20,000 bees knowing my face and behavior pattern."
"Dumitru Popescu, who graduated theology"
"The people who claim I crashed the economy are either very stupid or very malevolent." -- Liz Truss
According to Embraer, the main assurance against swapping the [aileron] cables was the fact that no procedure ever called for them to be removed at the same time, ensuring that there was only ever one way to put a removed cable back in. But Embraer’s own service bulletin SB-190–57–0038R2 could not be accomplished without removing both cables simultaneously.
<Gliptic> all x86 instructions are words, e.g. VGF2P8AFFINEINVQB
"Media reported that the scene was so grisly, the ground was soaked in blood — before they were informed that the plane had been carrying a shipment of medical blood in the cargo hold, which was now dispersed over the crash site."
<orbbfrgg> Mate drug dealers deliver to your house, you have to go to the shop to buy cigarettes
<orbbfrgg> There's a big difference between helping people and drinking a bunch of nasty old bottled cum for money mate || That I have to explain that is worrying
It's really easy to get away with murder, the trick is to murder someone who you would have no real reason to murder.
"The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause(s) of this accident to be: The pilot’s decision to unlatch his seatbelt during flight, which allowed him to exit the airplane and impact the tail, resulting in a loss of control and impact with terrain."
<electrokitty> I mean there's integrity and there's a billion dollars
The fastest swimmer wearing flippers will still lose to a runner, even if the runner is also wearing flippers and jumping over hurdles.
Progressive body-weight unloading of a person running in place on a wading pool confirmed the theoretical predictions that a person could run on water, at lunar (or lower) gravity levels using relatively small rigid fins.
The Telegraph Plateau is a region of the North Atlantic that was supposedly relatively flat and shallow compared to the rest of the ocean away from shore. The term is archaic and no longer used by hydrographers. Victorian hydrographers surveying the route failed to notice the Mid-Atlantic Ridge in the middle of the route.
Safety briefing: Turn off safe search and look up lathe accident on your phone.
<electrokitty> One time I was playing my Xbox with the component leads the wrong way round and I didn't notice until a friend mentioned it
Both horror and comedy, when well done, rely on the audience's imagination. Sometimes by leaving things open to interpretation, the audiences can imagine things that are funnier or scarier than what the author can describe.
Overseas National Airways was the only airline to fit its DC-9s with jet-assisted takeoff (JATO) rockets.
<Gliptic> A FRIGHTAT THE FROGEST OF ALL THE ALT THE FROGEEST FO FROS on hbernle
<orbbfrgg> Sexy moth outfits
< orbbfrgg> Moth outfits have far too much erotic potential
"Colleagues are asked to delete old/unwanted files from their work or personal devices to reduce the environmental impact of digital pollution. Your action will contribute to our collective target of 80TB of deleted files, saving 20 tons of CO2."
<thomastheo> dnsmcbr: i'm not the one asking an AI for instructions on how to cook meth
<electrokitty> Also I am rather glad I got those kevlar gloves rather than FLHerne's suggested method of 'just move your hand away' because upon heating the boiler decided to spew a stream of molten metal at me :(
Plastics are poor conductors of heat so they can act as excellent [electrical] insulators.
The theft is one of the biggest heists in Canadian history. Other heists include the 2011 and 2012 Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist when 3,000 tonnes of syrup valued at $18.7m were stolen from a storage facility in Quebec.
<@thomastheo> indonesian food is way too good to get hung up on the occasional eyeball
electrokitty: Do they make vegetarian eyeball alternatives
<orbbfrgg> I just can't imagine life without eating eyeballs
Limes and lemons are not the same fruit. Some hybrid or grafted trees might produce both.
"India Pale Ales smell like a man urinating in a freshly-mown field. As he urinates, he explains to me a subject which I already understand. I cannot get him to stop."
"The three simple things that give me the most joy in this life are eating puppies and not using commas appropriately."
"As you know, when atoms are split, there are a lot of pluses and minuses released. Well, we've taken these and put them in a huge container and separated them from each other with a lead shield. When the box is dropped out of a plane, we melt the lead shield and the pluses and minuses come together. When that happens, it causes a tremendous bolt of lightning and all the atmosphere over a city is pushed back! Then when the atmosphere rolls back, it
"The Hipsters don't know what to do when I draw feet. It confuses them." -- Rob Liefeld
"People are really, really complicated (though if you found someone who was super honest and couldn't form new short-term memories I think I could chart it out in a decade or so)"
Thermonator is a quadruped robot with an ARC flamethrower mounted to its back, fueled by gasoline or napalm. It features a one-hour battery, a 30-foot flame-throwing range, and Wi-Fi and Bluetooth connectivity for remote control through a smartphone.
[A calculator] is like ChatGPT for numbers, except that for some reason it gives correct answers.
"The station had a few modifications over the years, but the biggest modification came in 1940, when it was blown up."
On 22 April 2007, a 35-year-old Polish man entered the Zizzi restaurant on The Strand and made his way into the kitchen, where he obtained a knife he then used to sever his penis in front of diners. Whilst it was initially believed that attempts to re-attach the appendage had been unsuccessful, The Guardian reported later that week that surgeons had, in fact, been able to do so, after police recovered the penis from the restaurant floor.
Gyromitra esculenta in particular has been reported to be responsible for up to 23% of mushroom fatalities each year in Poland.
Kamchatka spider crabs can get pretty large.
<oren> u wish u were that effeminate | <oren> my cousin i just swiped right on | <oren> pls no ban
<sasamj> Why do we have to destroy [God], couldn't we refine him into a fine paste we could use to lubricate our doors
<orbbfrgg> Gliptic: I will send you £1 next week if you make me moth girl erotica that's actually good
<FLHerne> Gliptic: breasts on an arthropod are ridiculous
"Context violation: process  /home/indrora/.local/share/Steam/ubuntu12_32/steam is only allowed in context steam_context, attempted to remove /boot/efi/grub/efistub"
<electrokitty> I haven't received any RF burns, although I did essentially microwave myself at a lowish power setting
Giant and powerful crabs make planets better.
Humans love to serve powerful crabs.
Cyclone Power Technologies stated that animal or human biomass was not intended to be used in the waste heat combustion engine of the robot, and that sensors would be able to distinguish foraged materials, although the project overview from RTI listed other sources including chicken fat.
After boiling, the entire surface of the egg shells are cracked, and they are placed back into the urine.
"We're not going to Lechlade this time. The bullocks scratched all down the side of the boat with their horns, cost £2300."
"I met someone with a wooden top who moored at Lechlade and the cows ate his boat. huge great chunks chewed off it at the edges."
When Bauhaus designers adopted Sullivan's "form follows function," what they meant was, form should99,99 follow function. And if function is hard enough, form is forced to follow it, because there is no effort to spare for error. Wild animals are beautiful because they have hard lives.
<raptop> Oh, good. It's from back before Paul Graham went nuts
Croaked® is not recommended to use as recent studies indicate that some toads can experience extreme suffering prior to death.
"Beauty is the first test: there is no permanent place in this world for ugly mathematics." -- G. H. Hardy
Saying that taste is just personal preference is a good way to prevent disputes. The trouble is, it's not true. You feel this when you start to design things.
Beauty should depend on a few carefully chosen structural elements rather than a profusion of superficial ornament.
<FLHerne> Ok, the head archivist of the Bank of England just told me that Enterprise is wedged in Lock 11
<electrokitty> Am I supposed to think of people with different names differently? || <orbbfrgg> Yes || But being colourblind you probably don't understand that
<thomastheo> after a cursory google it seems a question of turning the turtle around and having a good gander at its bottom end
<moofunk> *grabs a bell pepper* "honey, I'll be in the workshop"
<orbfrggg> Cold pasta is like eating slugs (probably I've never eaten a slug)
<jan64> have you considered getting some lion urine?
2 is the oddest prime number.
"I focused at intervals as the great dome loomed up through the smoke. Glares of many fires and sweeping clouds of smoke kept hiding the shape. Then a wind sprang up. Suddenly, the shining cross, dome and towers stood out like a symbol in the inferno. The scene was unbelievable. In that moment or two I released my shutter." -- Herbert Mason
Boris Johnson, the former prime minister who introduced the voter ID rules, was turned away from a polling station today after forgetting to bring acceptable photo ID.
Ms Carberry said that police officers found Gustavson's penis "in a drawer in his home four years after it had been amputated".
"That [steel-rolling machine] can be a kind of sloping bar."
"We have options for getting it going - cleanly." "...?" "Blowtorch."
"The effect of this cannot be understood without being there. The beauty of it cannot be understood, either, and when you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. Desolation tries to colonize you."
"It's made out of his old shirts! So we've got all bits of Dennis...we can do that DNA on it."
"One bystander saw the incident unfold, saying: 'What I can gather is that nothing happened.'"
"Used teabags in diesel, you know, works quite well for a start."
French bakers set a new Guinness World Record on Sunday [5 May 2024] when they made a 140.5m (461ft)-long baguette in Suresnes, in the suburbs of Paris.
<dnsmcbr> im basically an oap now
[Barbara Moore] was a vegetarian and a breatharian, believing it is possible for people to survive without food.
<electrokitty> FFS, I've got Syrian propaganda music stuck in my head again.
<orbbfrgg> It's kinda weird that as a vegetarian you cannot eat dogshit
"The first Cloaca installation, referred to as Cloaca Original, was exhibited in 2000 at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Antwerp. Delvoye described it as a "shit machine""
<electrokitty> orbbfrgg: you say that like someone who has dropped shit balloons on unsuspecting locations | <orbbfrgg> I wish
Wales, famously, is a country the size of Wales.
The AAIB wrote that the use of a common grounding point for several systems, whose failure could cause the uncommanded shutdown of both engines, was "not sound design philosophy."
"Loosening of a single earthing screw [...] caused feathering of both propellers when flap retraction was selected, in addition to automatic closure of both engine fuel shutoff valves [...] and extension of both outboard spoilers."
The NASA obsession with elementary and middle school participation in space flight is curious, and demonstrates how low a status actual in-flight science has compared with orbital public relations. You are not likely to hear of CERN physicists colliding tin atoms sent to them by a primary school in Toulouse, or the Hubble space being turned around to point at waving middle schoolers on a playground in Texas.
< FLHerne> I demand the right to have my genitals cut off by whoever I think appropriate and with whatever implement takes my fancy
"The vehicle also delivered NASA’s Cosmic-Ray Energetics and Mass (ISS-CREAM) to the space station."
<electrokitty> FLHerne: that is why consent for acts such as that [chopping your cock off] is dubious
<orbbfrgg> Shoulder pads better not be actually making a comeback || They were shit the first time || They're still shit now
On 4 July 1989, a teenage informatics student was killed by a MiG-23 near Kortrijk, Belgium.
"If we just thought about the Russian response, then we could not send anything. Every second week you hear that somebody will be nuked." -- Ingrida Šimonytė
In 1977, the Dutch government allegedly poisoned 105 children with laxatives during a hostage crisis.
"...but now my bed's gone to Wetherspoons."
"The outages highlight how vulnerable modern tractors are to satellite disruptions (...) All the tractors are sitting at the ends of the field right now shut down because of the solar storm (...) We’re right in the middle of corn planting. I’ll bet the commodity markets spike Monday"
"Has your farm been affected by the solar storm? I would love to hear from you. Using a non-work device, you can message me securely on Signal (...)"
"
The mountain chicken frog (Leptodactylus fallax) was once one of Dominica's apex predators and considered an unofficial national dish.
"Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy." -- Jeremy Clarkson
"Today I'm going to talk about helixes, and why I don't like them."
"If you can choose between a white and a brown organic egg, and you want an egg that’s sustainably produced as well, you’d better go for the white one."
Putin Appoints Economist as Defense Minister in Shock Reshuffle
Saarland has more Michelin stars per person than any other German state.
"Morning Francis! Just been for a quick swim! That bank is a bit steep to ride a unicycle down. If carrying a toddler."
<Gliptic> would we need to fill the streets with sulphur hexafluoride || <thomastheo> would do wonders for my singing voice, i suppose || if only briefly || my death yell would be in glorious baritone
<orbfrggg> So what I'm basically saying is we should nuke all the haters #livingmybestlife
<orbfrggg> The great filter is entitled overpaid idiots
<thomastheo> fuck skating. last time i got off the ice my skates were filled with blood. that was enough for me
<sasamj> Looks like Vulcan and f-22 had a baby, and it was aborted in the 2nd trimester but the baby somehow survived and was raised by a KC-135
"It is hard for me to say. I don't know how to build a $400-million rocket. So the more difficult question would be instead how am I less expensive than ULA. I don't understand how ULA is as expensive as they are." -- Gwynne Shotwell
"A few years ago I was over with the French counterpart of these two companies. And they were telling me that their launch costs about $200 million equivalent, and they said they weren't worried about ULA, but could I get rid of SpaceX because they were going to drive them out of business. So I see why we have kind of a confrontation going on here." -- Rep. Linda Sánchez
<Nvidiot> I'm actually stupid. Thought my deep fryer was dead. Turns out I plugged in the kettle.
<electrokitty> I have on several occasions tried to cook things in my oven on 💡 mode
<electrokitty> The other week I went down the rabbit hole of re-calibrating our equipment manually because I didn't trust the measurements because they were *waaaay* off what they should be, but it turns out I didn't have the test cables connected.
If some people had dynamite for brains they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.
Stair kayaking is a stunt where a person positions a kayak at the top of a flight of stairs and then, using their paddle to push off, rides the kayak down the stairs. This poses significant easily foreseeable risks of injury or death, as well as being very bad for the kayak.
"During an unannounced visit to the school, which is part of the Rise multi-academy trust, the following day, an observer heard a pupil ask before a test: "Will we be doing that thing where there's pointing at the wrong answers?""
<jan64> (yes i think you should be allowed to GMO your kid as long as it's not going to make them have two heads)
<raptop> slug hitler?
<orbbfrgg> The culinary use of semen was something I distinctly remember reading about
<FLHerne> .banlist add FLHerne
electrokitty: I'm not going to learn a unit exclusively so I can converse about human weight with my nan
<electrokitty> I know far more about orbbfrgg's anatomy than I ever cared to
Mr Bin Omran told his rescuers he had at times seen his family from his prison, but claimed he had been unable to call out for help “because of a spell that his captor had cast on him”
<orbbfrgg> I do actually really like pigs :( || They're like better dogs || <electrokitty> Stop eating them then || <orbbfrgg> No
Because of an error by John Carmack, the value of pi in doom is 3.141592657.
Fumes from Teflon heated over 450°C are fatal to parrots.
342 dachshunds gathered during a charity event at Marble Hill House in Twickenham to set the Guinness World Record for the Largest Dachshund Dog Walk on 20th May 2024.
"The acronym BORG stands for “blackout rage gallon” according to the National Capital Poison Center in Washington, DC"
Borg, or "blackout rage gallon," is a gallon jug of water with alcohol and flavoring. Learn about the risks and benefits of this trend from experts and see how students are using it on TikTok.
<jan64> hey, maybe by 2090 we'll be able to GMO people to be less susceptible to cancer
<thomastheo> i'd classify that as complete fantasy || it's like a joint publication by the dunning kruger society and the National Wishful Thinking Brigade
Like a plane or submarine, a fish has six degrees of freedom.
<orbbfrgg> Could have done without knowing about anal fins
"SLS looks like someone started building a Space Shuttle and ran out of legos for the orbiter."
The best way to think of SLS is as a balding guy with a mullet: there are fireworks down below that are meant to distract you from a sad situation up top.
Early on, SLS designers made the catastrophic decision to reuse Shuttle hardware, which is like using Fabergé eggs to save money on an omelette.
"Author Clint Rainey, when writing for bloomberg, described the DMI as 'the illuminati of cheese' and also said 'a secretive government-sponsored entity putting cheese anywhere it can stuff it'"
"Quantas 12 Heavy, after the Cessna taxi via Bravo. Caution prop wash."
< beloved_lover> Shit, I am going to shit my pants
<thomastheo> they are pretty destructive unfortunately. they can envelop a whole tree and eat it bare
<thomastheo> i'm semi-waiting for mossad to start knocking off people in the hague now
Jean Bosler published a similar energy conversion argument in 1916, calculating in one example that an impactor might carry two million times more energy than a German “marmite” shell.
Jones promised that he was not using his silvery complexion as a gimmick. His purposeful consumption of colloidal silver was a self-prescribed measure undertaken in response to fears that the Y2K problem would make antibiotics unavailable, an event that did not occur.
Shinichi Takagi, the director of the Egg Museum, has recently written the published book "Egg Encyclopedia." Sales began at bookstores from July 18, 2013.
As a result of technological advancements in the production of graphite, virtually all graphite produced today can be considered “nuclear grade.” -- https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2005/07/21/05-14208/export-and-import-of-nuclear-equipment-and-material-nuclear-grade-graphite
<Nvidiot> Damn you physics
UK is 'running out of ghosts' as old spirits dying off, paranormal expert says
"Look all we need to do is build a new Birmingham every two years. It’s not hard. We already have a Birmingham. We just copy that one."
"The official NASA description of what happened on STS-109 is a lie." -- Wayne Hale, STS-109 Mission Operations Director
"Any other leader would have simply unhinged their jaw and eaten the Tories by now. Why does not Keir, as the biggest leader, not simply eat the other 6? Perhaps he is saving that for the leaders debates."
"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world." -- Mary Shafer, NASA Dryden Flight Research Center
This is a common misconception about autism. Being autistic doesn't mean you're a software engineer who is interested in WW2. Autism is a spectrum that covers a variety of engineering and software jobs. They can also be interested in either WW2 or trains, similar to a rhesus factor for blood. I personally have WW2 factor mechanical engineer autism.
<electrokitty> We do not condone assassinations in this channel
<thomastheo> i hold firm to my conviction that one should eat what they shoot. and people are not part of my diet
Behind a little-used service panel inside the Kvant-2 module, [David] Wolf found "large condensate globs, bowling-ball size or beach-ball size." These floating orbs of stagnant water were "gooey, slimy, ice-cold," occluded by dozens of species of bacteria and fungi.
Fungus found on one of Mir’s Soyuz transports was once caught eating away at the hardened quartz glass of the vessel’s viewports. It etched webs of cracks and corroded the rubber seals connecting the windows to their titanium frames.
"People are realizing every day how mushrooms (in particular, mycelium) can be used as a replacement for bacon (as well as pork, cow, and chicken), leather (and they're finding it's stronger), shoes, hats, clothes, as building/construction materials such as bricks, soundproofing, fire retardant insulation, as well as packing materials, furniture, bolts of threads, handbags, pet food, the sky is the limit."
<electrokitty> Weirdly I was able to buy non-OTC hydrocortisone sold as bite relief cream, but as generic skin cream it's OTC || Same dosage and everything
<thomastheo> he doesnt have hydrocortisone ||  also, i'm not sure he currently has a mosquito bite, and hydrocortisone doesnt work metaphorically
electrokitty may or may not keep a box in the cupboard with 30L fresh water, 36000kcal of non-perishable food and an S10 respirator, amongst other things
<thomastheo> if all the air in your house is suddenly replaced with a hypoxic atmosphere, you'd sure wish you had a tank of air
<SilverFoxy> I am legally required to say that is a joke
If you do not want to get the death penalty I recommend that you STOP YOUR DISRUPTIVE EDIDING NOW.
<estranger> I wish I had a Voodoo doll of myself so I could give it a back rub.
"That's not what I was thinking. I was thinking about how long it takes giraffes to swallow. They've got super long necks. Yes they do."
<jan64> if you could find something that'd explode on contact with the actual mole, that'd be significantly more impressive
<jan64> electrokitty, theoretically, if i don't currently own a microwave, what's the easiest way to cause a shitload of bluetooth interference || Asking for a friend whose neighbours seem to have aquired new speakers.
"You cannot give a Bear a Bounce House, because she would not Appreciate the gesture."
"I shall explain. Snakes are long and tubular, and could easily be sliced into rings for rapid shallow frying. The noble calamari testifies to the efficacy of this technique. Bones, you say? Remove them. Breed them out. I want battery snakes bred for their meat and bonelessness, and I want them sliced into rings and fried. With a little salt."
Sometimes you need to have a Very Bad Time, which Beetles excel at - they have hard shells to hold in their Emotions, which prevents them from being Annoying.
I rate [spiders] 4 stars out of 5 for putting the fear of God into the right people. One star has been deducted for over-enthusiasm.
<thomastheo> nobody wants to go there orbbfrgg || <orbbfrgg> Why not? You can buy bull semen by the gallon
"We declared war on America and Britain out of our sincere desire to ensure Japan's self-preservation and the stabilization of East Asia, it being far from our thought either to infringe upon the sovereignty of other nations or to embark upon territorial aggrandizement."
<jacus> so we had the vehicle say no, the rocket say no, and this time the ground systems say no... Next scrub needs to just be butch yelling HOLD HOLD HOLD randomly so we have a crew refusal as well, and then they can officially cancel the program. :-D
"It's not entirely my fault. When I hacked into it I said to play the national anthem. That's...not what he did."
"And the joint winners, with 39 points, are *SHKREEEeEeee*. Sorry, that's schshshuouoooouuueeeee."  "Think carefully. We control your speakers."
these bullets are infused with pork for an extra “deterrent factor of eternal damnation for fundamentalist Islamic Jihadist.”
"This message can't be saved because it no longer exists. It can only be discarded. Make sure you copy the contents of the message before you discard if you want to use them later."
<@thomastheo> i will loudly admit to having a curry fetish
"Yesterday I established that it is possible to hold a Zoom meeting whilst paddling a coracle up the river. People don't realise that you haven't just chosen a river landscape as your backdrop."
"The researchers were stunned to notice the intensified alcohol smell in her urine which resembled that of wine."
"Your book Die Ausdehnungslehre has been out of print for some time. Since your work hardly sold at all, roughly 600 copies were used in 1864 as waste paper and the remaining few odd copies have now been sold out, with the exception of the one copy in our library."
<orbbfrgg> I suppose if crabs are lords, which is appropriate, you could have an enemy crab because of crab based feudalism || But then if your side lost you would just do fealty to a new crab
" I myself went through my book of numbers and called everyone I knew, then noticed there an advertisement in the phonebook that said 'Call Pitcairn Island' and gave the actual number. It was just an ad showing that you *could* call Pitcairn Island if you wanted to, but I actually did. Ended up talking to a descendent of Fletcher Christian, who just happened to be the one who picked up the public phone there."
In 2006, the son of a Wolverhampton ironmonger recalled a very wet evening on which Enoch Powell, the local Member of Parliament throughout the 1950s and 60s, required a new washer for a tap: "his moustache quivered with urgency and water streamed from the broad rim of his black Homburg hat."
"Friday October learned that his father had forgotten to change the date when he re-crossed the international date line. He immediately changed his name, and he and his son were henceforth known as Thursday October Christian Sr. and Jr."
"Former high sheriff of Norfolk and 'Turnip Taliban' member James Bagge reveals intention to stand as Independent candidate in challenge to Liz Truss"
"My poor plumber called my dad's phone while my dad was lying there and we were waiting for the coroner to arrive and I was like ummmmmm he's dead so we're gonna have to reschedule 💀 poor guy haha"
The cat is considered "the quintessential pet" by Muslims, and is admired for its cleanliness, and was a beloved animal to Muhammad. Unlike many other animals, such as dogs, Islamic Law considers cats ritually pure and possess baraka (blissful energy), and allows cats to freely enter homes and even mosques. Although cats are ritually pure, their flesh is forbidden.
Although cats are ritually pure, their flesh is forbidden.
"I think she thought the camera was my mouth, which is every photographer’s dream."
"WARNING: includes a photo of a sort of mangled penguin so if you do not like looking at sort of mangled penguin be advised uwu"
"It’s a little ridiculous how torn I was by the warning of a mangled penguin (which are adorable when not mangled) and how cute a video about a seal teaching someone to hunt would be. I came to the conclusion that there are asshole penguins too and pretended the mangled ones were jerk faces. NATURE, BITCHES!!!"
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
<thomastheo> some raw mushrooms, including the common button mushrooms, are mildly carcinogenic, because they contain agaritine, a hydrazine derivative
<thomastheo> sometimes it seems that the discussions in this channel would be no different if everyone here gobbled down like, a whole plate of weed brownies.
"Political satire became redundant when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize." -- Tom Lehrer
"You wanted to have your cake and eat it too."  "Well, yeah. Because that's what cake is FOR!"
<ergZay> holy hell how is this camera still going || make the heat shield out of cameras lol
"thomastheo: this is about as believable as a nicholas cage movie"
The voices in your head aren't always correct: sometimes you really can just ignore them.
<Nvidiot> For a 20%+ tip I better get a damn good blowjob with the steak I ordered
Tory MP Jane Stevenson is a passionate dog advocate and animal lover, owning two, and her favourite biscuit is the Garibaldi biscuit.
Dremels are probably the cause of most shop accidents. Its non threatening and small, its the swiss army knife of power tools so you can switch out the head and do whatever with it. Next thing you know its your go too sonic screw driver and your inventing new uses. Eventually you slip, get careless ,or succumb to the call of the void.
<orbbfrgg> Mopping up large quantities of blood is frustrating because you kinda just end up moving it around a lot and have to go over it multiple times
<orbbfrgg> In the end the wall took care of him for us || Before anyone had to punch him in the face || Which was imminent anyway
<orbbfrgg> Ever wanted to have your skull caved in with a Peppa Pig™ balance bike? Then come on down
The Toilet Co-operative – A business plan
The phrase "I disapprove of what you say and will defend to the death your right to say it." was coined by Evelyn Beatrice Hall in 1906 and is wrongly misattributed to Voltaire.
* thomastheo autopercusses dorsally
"No! That's a 1930s tap, that's a 1980s taps, those aren't taps at all... That's clearly a lady dancing. That's not a tap."
<orbbfrgg> thomastheo: you know Holland isn't a country right
Bill Anders' interesting life: flight training in the 1950s on the T-34 (the plane he died flying, aged 90); flying F-89s with nuclear air-to-air missiles in the Cold War; AFIT degree in nuke engineering; managed USAF nuc. reactor programs; NASA astronaut; Atomic Energy Commission; Chariman of Nuclear Regulatory Commission, US Ambassador to Norway,  VP of General Electric, CEO of General Dynamics. Quite a ride.
"I have friends who are aristocrats, I have friends who are upper class, I have friends who are working class...well, not working class." -- Rishi Sunak
< FLHerne> more 13-year-old girls should want to take vintage engines to bits for fun
There are specified methods of humanely killing protected animals used in research, but boiling is not one of these.
The RSPCA Australia recommends against boiling the duck embryo from the 18th day of incubation onwards.
The extremely toxic compound lead(II) oxide speeds up the reactions that create century eggs, leading to its use by some unscrupulous producers.
Virgin boy eggs are a traditional dish of Dongyang, Zhejiang, China in which eggs are boiled in the urine of young boys, preferably under the age of ten. After boiling, the entire surface of the egg shells are cracked, and they are placed back into the urine. The used urine is then replaced with fresh urine and the process is repeated. . When finished, the eggs' whites have a pale golden hue and the yolks turn green.
"Egg vendors go to elementary schools in the city where they collect urine from young boys, preferably under the age of ten. Children who have been raised in the city are used to the practice, and relieve themselves in basins that the vendors place in the hallways. The teachers often remind the boys not to urinate in the basins if any of them have a fever or feel ill."
"Vandalism is intentional destruction of property so it might apply in this case, it all depends on whether the various fungi involved intended to destroy the beam, or just wanted to eat it and its destruction was an unintended byproduct of this."
"Stages of the game will also be based on famous battles which took-- which actually took place in ancient Japan. So here's this giant enemy crab..."
"The accident occurred when, on a bet, the pilot attempted to make an instrument-only approach with curtained cockpit windows. "
"The remnants of the source assembly were sold for scrap to a junkyard owner. He noticed that the source material glowed blue in the dark. Several persons were fascinated by this and over a period of days friends and relatives came and saw the phenomenon. Fragments of the source the size of rice grains were distributed to several families."
"Later a phantom for disposable nappies (diapers) was found to be necessary because a number of babies were found to be internally contaminated with caesium-137."
"He had suffered some burns, and the explosion had effectively disabled the communications equipment as the aerials had been attached to the wheelhouse roof. A survey of the remaining equipment revealed a radio/CD player with an FM aerial, which the skipper removed and attached to a fishing rod outrigger to provide an ad hoc aerial for his VHF radio."
What do you call a zoo populated entirely with small dogs?
"This is canal exploring at its finest. I have no idea where I am. Somewhere in Smethwick."
"the actual first operational day, last Sunday, was marked by the usual band of young train enthusiasts having a wonderful time filming each other filming each other"
"This revealed intentional subcutaneous injection of mercury at least thrice, [...]. The patient was inspired by the movie X-Man Wolverine and wanted to simulate a character called 'Mercury.' Interestingly, he had a past history of multiple bites by spiders to simulate Spiderman. Surprisingly, he had no other psychiatric problems and had a normal IQ.
<thomastheo> borborygmus of chyme would make a great name for a band
With microplastics being everywhere, now we can finally conclude that PP is stored in the testicles.
orbbfrgg: It's, to my knowledge, the only word that rhymes with smegma
HMS Unicorn (1824) is the only sail-propelled warship to have received the surrender of a submarine.
"Data point one is that the engine is still there," said Andy Lapsa, chief executive of [Stoke Space]
"And... can you give me any additional information as to why you believe there may be a bomb?" "Ah, because he's screaming that on the frequency."
<orbbfrgg> Ducks are really hard to catch || At least they were when I was trying to catch one at Minehead || They can waddle off really fast
"Moored there a few years ago, I soon discovered why nobody else was moored there when the swarm of bees attacked!"
<electrokitty> My legs are actually rather large and muscular
<electrokitty> Not wearing [pyjamas] just turns your bed into a giant pair of underpants
<thomastheo> i have to maintain a clean shaven head early on in the summer, cause if i dont i get weird tanlines when i shave after the first sunny period
thomastheo: i remember sitting on the dining table receiving my bowl cut, albeit without the bowl. the bowl only existed in my mother's mind. but same effect.
< FLHerne> the tuba could almost be an attempt at a human->cow translator
One of the founders of SpaceX, Michael D. Griffin has been driving SDI forward for decades after serving as it's Deputy for Technology and designing the first space-based interceptors.
It is essentially science fiction coming true to have a phased array antenna in the GHz range as a consumer device which has a $300 price tag.
<sasamj> It's gotta be something related to the bends I reckon, unless someone has necrosis or doused themselves in RP-1
"Unfortunately, um, the prognosis for Commander is relatively... uh... uh... 'tenuous' I'll say at this point, to keep it generic."
"Imagine if in future, Google shuttered their eponymous search page and became purely a mobile app that you'd talk to and it'd LLM an answer at you with no websites in sight."
"It's like the value of pi for a square is 4." -- Matt Parker
<@thomastheo> we definitely do need to know all we can about turtle sex, regardless
<jep_miner1> looks like I die on thursday https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/12xctTtW/image.png
<electrokitty> am pub, rxcuse spellinh
Samples of the supposed chemical agent that were supplied to a group of independent scientists turned out to be honeybee feces, suggesting that the "yellow rain" was due to mass defecation of digested pollen grains from large swarms of bees.
trains are to engineering as crabs are to biology
"but if your snot tastes like oysters.... you have a problem"
"Hot buttered English muffins are very rarely used as reaction vessels."
Pip Whitley (2002-2015) was a bitch who travelled over 60,000 miles by train. There is a memorial to her at Helsby station.
In the Ace Combat 7 DLC, you fight more Su-47s than were ever built.
While nominally an entrenching tool, the MPL-50 has seen wide-ranging wartime applications, from a close-quarters combat weapon to a cooking utensil.
"John achieved egg in 5 minutes and 12 seconds."
Brine shrimp eggs are highly sensitive to cosmic radiation.
"I moved to Denmark and traded proper beer for functioning egalitarian social democracy. Six days out of seven it feels like a good choice."
By 2020, the Anthropodermic Book Project had confirmed the existence of 18 books bound in human skin, out of 31 tested cases.
In 1976, the bows of Royal Navy frigates HMS Jaguar and HMS Lincoln were modified to improve their ramming capabilities.
"Just ignore him, he's not a PhD."
Concorde still looks as if a crack has opened in the fabric of the universe and a message from tomorrow has been poked through. Age has only made it clear that the tomorrow in question is yesterday’s tomorrow.
On top of the traditional First, Business, Premium Economy, and Economy class cabins the company [Global Airlines] intends to add a new 15-seat “Gamer Class” option for passengers to play while in flight.
"Not only is it an effective and secure gate, but if you leave your key indoors by accident you can use the main section as a ladder to get inside, potentially saving a fortune on locksmith fees."
"The gang members were played by USC students, who Carpenter remembered had a lot of fun finding ways of dying while spilling blood over themselves."
The only thing better than perfect is standardized.
< orbbfrgg> I recently obtained one zlotto (that's the singular of zloty now) so I'm shoving that up my nose tonight and thinking of jan64
Evel Knievel holds the Guinness World Record for "most bones broken in a lifetime."
<thomastheo> i'll start complaining when a bear pulls me off my bike in the middle of the polder and chews my face off. but the wolf is welcome. || if i wanted to be eaten by a bear i'd move to longyearbyen
<@thomastheo> there is a reason why the horn of abundance is called a cornucopia || < Gliptic> horn of plenty ||  < Gliptic> sorry, *corn of plenty
<raptop> I feel like creamed corn would axiomatically taste like a corngasm
Violence is never the answer. Violence is the question, and the answer is yes.
<orbbfrgg> As a kid I used to imagine traffic jam as like a sort of rubbery, asphalty preserve
Mr Miliband’s battle to consume the greasy treat alarmed his media minders, who tried to stop photographers taking close-ups of butter oozing between his teeth. After a few bites, the Labour leader appeared defeated, and the snack was put into the custody of Lord Wood.
"What we need is something halfway between Labour and UKIP. Like, a Common Sense Party."
There's no point! There's absolutely no point to the fucking things! If you're not blind, and you've not got a sheep, why do you want a dog?!"
Sam Woods-Brass, the Reform UK candidate for Houghton and Sunderland South, shared a photo of a raw chicken and said it reminded him of an erotic image of his girlfriend. He then deleted the post after being approached by the BBC.
Don Gable died of brain cancer at age 31, in 1980, after working part of every day with his head 6 inches from a plutonium nitrate pipe. The government lost his brain before an autopsy could check for radiation.
Dmitry Rogozin warned that if every attack was blamed on "the machinations of Ukraine and Nato, this pink mist will lead us to big problems".
"When I ask for a the menu prices he said that they do clothes not curries?, Weird, worst Indian I have ever seen the isn't even any bar, the kitchen is full of washing machines. To weird for me not going again"
<moofunk> engine cycle = how unnecessarily complicated does the fuel move around in the engine
"If you, like, cut your arm off and waved it around, splattered blood on... on the front rows or whatever, that would be a legendary performance, you know. And then if you were known for that, well, you only had like three other good gigs anyway." -- Eddie Vedder
<dbkb> if you dont read the news you are uninformed, if you read the news you are missinformed
In the process of failing to make a Van de Graaff Generator many permutations of materials that will not create a Van de Graaff have been employed.
"It takes the Navy three years to build a ship. It will take three hundred years to build a new tradition. The evacuation will continue." -- Vice Admiral Sir Andrew Cunningham
"You could, of course, solve the problem with nukes. Either nuke the outskirts of the city and get rid of all the buildings which are in the way of widening the road, or nuke the city centre so people aren't wanting to get in and out of it any more. But the practical difficulties associated with this solution are rather more than it is possible to cope with."
<thomastheo> we'd need something like 50-100m3 of gas. may eat into our profit margin || <Nvidiot> Yeah and I suspect the people at the channel tunnel train won't be impressed either. Especially not when the giant hydrogen balloon touches the overhead wires and explodes the train and platform
It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention. In the same vein, desperation is the father of compromise, panic is the sister of slapdash improvisation, and despair is the second cousin of quiet apathy.
<electrokitty> Someone shat in the Prime Minister's lake.
"We didn't put a minimum viable product on the pad and then have to go back and redesign it. That was important because we came out of the gate with Flight 2, Flight 3, and Flight 4 all in quick succession. We built something to be produced. It's often said that production of rockets is just way harder than building the first one, and I think that's accurate." -- Peter Beck
<thomastheo> i'd suggest trying to ferment the blood first, but i threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it
Japanese scientists have found a way to attach living skin to robot faces, for more realistic smiles and other facial expressions.
<raptop> On a related note, Proton-Enhanced Nuclear Induction Spectroscopy
<electrokitty> I may or may not have suggested some names for things which result in amusing acronyms at work || e.g Fast Acquisition Radio Test Suite
<thomastheo> did somebody say moth smut?
"The specialist casually looked out the window, then turned to me and asked if that was my Cessna 206 parked in front? Yes, I replied. He said that I might want to get down there, as the fuel truck about to fill it was on fire."
<FLHerne> eventually the carpet was destroyed in a boat collision by way of soup
"I'd resign from my whole identity. Move to a small island and become a hermit who talks to newts, something like that."
<electrokitty> They discontinued my toilet
<electrokitty> Having a gas piped into houses seems kinda bizarre when you think about it || I mean, it's effectively a poison tap
People who are aware of legal deadlines and sound like they are going to count to 30 days and then immediately cause consequences on day 31 are much scarier than people who scream "I NEED AN ANSWER FROM YOU TODAY!"
<electrokitty> What if we kissed downwind from the sewage treatment plant 🥺👉👈
Some people in society have to actually be right about what they publish, and they have developed an important novel insight into human behavior: people cannot fly.
"I'm out of disk space in the stupidest way imaginable. Buried in one of my chrome tabs is an 6GB Ubuntu ISO download. Each time chrome restores my tabs, it downloads a fresh copy. 🤦‍♂️"
"Faces made of living skin make robots smile -- BBC News"
Everyone smiles at crabs.
MAINTAIN SUFFICIENT MOISTURE. Moisture loss is inevitable. We all know this! haha! But it is important that to maintain wetness by consuming high-moisture food such as egg.
<thomastheo> i do not actually process everything that comes by in this channel. i'd go mad.
"A guy I work with has 16 middle names. Named after the Man Utd 98-99 team."
"You can’t campaign on election day so if Ed wants to crash a life-size replica of the Hindenburg into Big Ben to highlight inflation that will have to be on the Wednesday."
"On the evening of 16th July 1976, a Dutch  motor vessel, named the 'Happy Rider' sailed towards Warrington with the bridge wrapped around it." It took 12 months to install a new bridge.
"when you walk you're just walking, when you drop something you've just dropped it, it's not a force, you don't need gravity"
"One thing that has always shown that the English ruling class are morally fairly sound, is that in time of war they are ready enough to get themselves killed." -- George Orwell
<thomastheo> electrokitty: for the record, i was being intentionally hurtful for comedic effect
<raptop> One of California's largest wildfires was caused by a gender reveal party, IIRC
"Well, my favourite meal generally is sandwiches. You know, I'm a big sandwich person." -- Rishi Sunak
<FLHerne> A red car covered in megaphones has juste ,hoxrtdmme  drvoe , Allahuii Akhbar
<electrokitty> dnsmcbr: see, no one has || You're basically making out with a dead animal
Gingerella said it appeared that Ziegenfuss and others were messing around with fireworks at a home on Pound Road when a mortar-style firework was put on his head and set off.
Vermin Love Supreme is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a comically large toothbrush, and has said that if elected President of the United States, he will pass a law requiring people to brush their teeth. He has campaigned on a platform of zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research, and promised a free pony for every American.
The earliest attestation to cats in Japan is from the emperor's diary in 889 CE. It talks about how cool his void kitty is.
Algorithms were invented in 825 AD by scientist Mohammed Algorithm (Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi)
It was used in tanning, wool production, and also by launderers as a source of ammonia to clean and whiten woollen togas. The buyers of the urine paid the tax.
NASA Praises Boeing’s Stranded Starliner for Managing Not To Explode While Docked to Space Station
<thomastheo> jan64: the classic approach of placing a bbq lighting cube on the wheel is probably most efficient || i'm told this is how people usually burn cars down here
It's the humility of British politics. Win lose or draw, it all happens in an out-of-the-way school gym in the early hours of the morning surrounded by anyone willing to pay £500 to run against you.
Engineering *is* poetic, in the ancient sense of the original Greek word our 'poetry' derives from. Poesis meant *making*. And so every maker is a kind of poet.
"He was a scientist, not an engineer, so he put 'knowing' above 'making' as the highest, the most central of motivations; but the kind of things he liked to know about were intricate systems that engineers would immediately have understood the attraction of."
In 2000, the Daily Mail reported that the 'Internet may be just a passing fad,' adding that 'predictions that the Internet would revolutionise the way society works have proved wildly inaccurate.'
"In the future—not the distant future, but ten years, five—people will remember the internet as a brief dumb enthusiasm, like phrenology or the dirigible. They might still use computer networks to send an email or manage their bank accounts, but those networks will not be where culture or politics happens. The idea of spending all day online will seem as ridiculous as sitting down in front of a nice fire to read the phone book."
Salsa is a fruit salad.
There is a fine old·story about a student who came to a rabbi and said, "In the olden days there were men who saw the face of God. Why don't they any more?" The rabbi replied, "Because nowadays no one can stoop so low."
Squid are such totally cool animals: 10 arms, beaks, better-designed eyes than humans, jet propelled, and ink cloud defense. What's not to like?
"The genealogy shows that i am descended from Vlad the Impaler, you see. So I do have a bit of a stake in the country." - King Charles III on the preservation of the Carpathian forest.
She even showed up for the burial, and gave a eulogy for her lost leg. She was a real piece of work, and had everyone laughing. She began her eulogy by dead-panning, "Look at me. I already have one foot in the grave.".
"We're announcing the first spacecraft dedicated to increasing the amount of space junk in LEO. FragSat is more than a satellite - it's a cloud of over 70 billion steel ball bearings packed into a payload fairing. Say goodbye to your competitor's megaconstellations with FragSat, guaranteed to increase the rate of collisions in orbit by orders of magnitude."
"If I may encourage you to secure victory before the need for any last minute wonder-goals or another penalties drama, I am sure the stresses on the nation’s collective heart rate and blood pressure would be greatly alleviated! Good luck, England. -- Charles R."
In 1999, DigiScents developed a computer peripheral device called iSmell, which was designed to emit a smell when a user visited a web site or opened an email. The device contained a cartridge with 128 "primary odors", which could be mixed to replicate natural and man-made odors. DigiScents had indexed thousands of common odors, which could be coded, digitized, and embedded into web pages or email.
"The first is that we have some sort of intelligence explosion, where AI recursively self-improves itself, and we're all harvested for our constituent atoms because a market algorithm works out that humans can be converted into gloobnar, a novel epoxy which is in great demand amongst the aliens the next galaxy over for fixing their equivalent of coffee machines."
"We hope that our findings about the Antikythera mechanism, although less supernaturally spectacular than those made by Indiana Jones, will help deepen our understanding of how this remarkable device was made and used."
Despite numerous claims on social media, the BBC has found no evidence that any of Reform’s candidates were fake.
<jan64> as well executed as a stuffed cat turned into a quadcopter can be, yes
<thomastheo> he also made a badger submarine and a tarantulacopter. the badger submarine is especially fun, cause the dutch word for badger is 'das' so it's a 'dasboot' || also a ratcopter, a sharkjet, and an ostrichcopter || dude has been busy
"I'd like a 4K x86 Windows Direct3D PC game on a 16K arm64 Linux Vulkan Mac."  "Ma'am, this is a Wendy's."
Comet Swift–Tuttle is by far the largest NEO (Apollo or Aten asteroid, or short-period comet) to cross Earth's orbit and make repeated close approaches to Earth. With a relative velocity of 60 km/s, an Earth impact would have an estimated energy of ~27 times that of the Cretaceous–Paleogene impactor. The comet has been described as "the single most dangerous object known to humanity".
In 1989, a kid was eaten by a polar bear at the Prospect Park Zoo in NYC after jumping into its pool to cool off during a heat wave.
"The Venn diagram of morons and people who cheat is a circle." || "As an honest moron, I resent that."
On 28 September 1567, the burgomaster of Braunau am Inn died after tripping over his beard. It remains on display in the town hall.
<Gliptic> [Starliner is] Schrödinger's pumpkin right now
"But unlike David Walliams they don't have to rub themselves in pig fat first! So if they have done that, it's entirely voluntary."
"They're pretty cool guys, their fangs are bright green in the right light. I wouldn’t want one in my sarnie though."
Part of the first U.S. flag flown in battle was made from Captain Abraham Swartwout's blue cloth coat. He kept the IOU from Congress.
"I want to make it quite clear that I didn't judge him. I know God is the only judge we have. I just set the appointment up."
Sandison must serve his sentence for the Dyer murder consecutively to his current sentence of life without parole. "Before he can even begin this sentence, he has to die and come back to life," [defense attorney] Gust said.
"a guy in ancient greece died after running 26 miles & what do we do to honor him? We run 26 miles & ... NOT die ?"
"When I was like 12 I did a Chinese magic act where I had, you know, like a long mustache and a little hat and an orange velvet robe, and I claimed to be 200 years old and lived in ancient China because I didn't know how long ago China was ancient." -- Teller
"At 01:30 hours on Friday 11 October, when the fire was at its worst, eleven tons of uranium were ablaze."
<jan64> endorsing the assasination, while potentially making elon more popular in the left-leaning circles would be quite a bit more radical
In 1949, a precursor to the modern artificial heart pump was built by doctors William Sewell and William Glenn of the Yale School of Medicine using an Erector Set, assorted odds and ends, and dime-store toys. The external pump successfully bypassed the heart of a dog for more than an hour.
<@thomastheo> being a terrorist is way worse even than wearing a bicycle helmet
> #1463112 Cat sitting on keyboard crashes lightdm -> marked as duplicate of 1538615: Cat causes login screen to hang.
<supermop_Home>  FLHerne my formal meeting attire is mostly just my underwear
<jan64> WHOA 🤯 🙀🙀🗯️🔊‼️TRUMP JUST TOOK A CUMSHOT 💦💧🔫 TO THE (r)EAR 👂 🍑 AT A RALLY IN BUTT-LER PENISVANIA 🍆 🍑 SHOOTER ⁉️ HARDLY KNOW HER! 🤭 🤣 🙈
<jan64> SECRET SERVICE AGAYNTS 🫢 TACKLED TRUMP'S GYATT TO THE GROUND 👮‍♂️ 🍑 🫦 AND BOUNCED OFF THE RECOIL 👀THOTS 🧠 💭 AND PRAYERS BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME LIBTARDS 🚫❌🫵
"What it symbolizes is the way Christ died: the blood came out of him but so did the piss and the shit. Maybe if Piss Christ upsets you, it's because it gives some sense of what the crucifixion actually was like."
"According to the AAIB accident report, the company consulted the International Air Transport Association’s guidelines for live animal carriage and determined that a Boeing 737–200 was the optimal airplane for shipping the veal calves."
"Alright...uh, hey, pilot guy! Can this thing do a, uh, backflip, do you think?"  -- Richard Russell, RIP
< FLHerne> I used to see quite badgers cycling at night | < Gliptic> who makes that small bikes
In some English documents one finds, for example, 77 written as "iiiˣˣxvii" (which could be read "three-score and seventeen).
<thomastheo> i'm considering setting fire to random objects again
"And I was talking about, you know, what is the first truly Islamist country that will get a nuclear weapon, and we were like, maybe it’s Iran, you know, maybe Pakistan already kind of counts, and then we sort of finally decided maybe it’s actually the UK, since Labour just took over." -- James Vance
<FLHerne> why is the plumbing electrified || <thomastheo> it would be a waste not to use all that copper to conduct at least a little electricity || almost rude not to || <ldgoforlaunch> could've been worse, could've been a gas line
<thomastheo> we'll put a great big catapult in calais, and launch convicts in inflatable bouncy balls across the channel
<electrokitty> I don't have arms
This dude looks like if Mark Zuckerberg had half his liver function
<electrokitty> Too much time outside and next thing you know you're getting your dong out on public display
Nitrogen trichloride can irritate mucous membranes—it is a lachrymatory agent, but has never been used as such.
The pure substance (rarely encountered) is a dangerous explosive, being sensitive to light, heat, even moderate shock, and organic compounds. Pierre Louis Dulong first prepared it in 1812, and lost several fingers and an eye in two explosions.
In 1813, an NCl3 explosion blinded Sir Humphry Davy temporarily, inducing him to hire Michael Faraday as a co-worker. They were both injured in another NCl3 explosion shortly thereafter.
Cats are disease-carrying parasites whose concept of basic sanitation is to wipe themselves with used toilet paper and saliva.
<ldgoforlaunch> bloody computer doing exactly what i instructed it to do
"On the initial date, the hashtag "#jechiedanslaSeine" ("I'm pooping in the Seine") trended on social media as some threatened to protest the Olympics by defecating upstream."
A crisis is a problem you can't control. Drama is a problem you can, but won't.
"I often feel like a resident of Pompeii who has been asked for some humorous comments on lava." -- Tom Lehrer
Brazilian Prison Uses Geese to Deter Escapes
"I LIKE DRAWING NAKED PEOPLE. AND CAPSLOCK. BUT MOSTLY NAKED PEOPLE."
<electrokitty> Also, just a reminder that the genre of music the cantina band plays is canonically called 'jizz'.
<thomastheo> people who clap along with live music need to be immediately vaporised with a turbo laser
"Home Office attempts to protect the children actually drove them into the hands of criminals. Hotel staff were instructed to knock on the doors of children every hour throughout the night, especially for nationalities deemed to be of high risk of going missing [...] Ironically, [this was] the reason that most kids went missing."
< FLHerne> the remainder of your movie will be a documentary about walruses
The word loanword is a calque of the German noun Lehnwort. In contrast, the term calque is a loanword, from the French noun calque ("tracing, imitation, close copy").
" The official cockpit voice recorder transcript appends multiple exclamation points to this line, suggesting that the Captain was rather agitated."
"parameters sourced from the EEC became unreliable at the moment of the failure, recording values that the AAIB described as "inconsistent with the principles of physics.'"
It's 'Joint Photographic Experts Group'. 'Ph', not 'P'. It's pronounced "Jfeg."
< thomastheo> teletubbies is like, the worlds most powerful contraceptive
William Stark began his study of scurvy in London, June 1769, with a series of dietary experiments on himself. He had considered testing fresh fruits and vegetables but was still working through tests with honey puddings and Cheshire cheese when he died in February 1770.
< orbbfrgg> In the beginning god created the cummy hand of big sad boi
"I would respectfully disagree with expressions such as 'administration of alcoholic liquor from the chalice' as well as linking the idea of 'drinking and driving' with receiving Communion under the species of wine. We should always treat with respect, indeed adoration, what has become Christ's precious blood and is no longer simple wine."
Astra's valuation peaked at $3.9 billion in 2021, the year it went public, and was worth about $12.2 million at the end of March 2024.
"We have received feedback from customers that several reboots (as many as 15 have been reported) may be required"   "Have you tried turning it off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on again?"
"Well, if there's one place that should be safe during a flash flood, it's a boat."
Scientists have discovered a technique to turn mice completely transparent. Unfortunately they do have to be dead first.
The Soviet ZhDT-3 rail torpedo was designed for armored train on armored train combat and might be the most dieselpunk thing ever seen.
"We popped a duck once in a lock - it kept swimming up the side and there was no way I could keep boat away. Proper crisp-packet job. It was horrible."
The Mediterranean sea has been described as the world's largest fish trap.
"<Char|ie> have the english considered being less english? because i think that would make it easier on the rest of the world"
"Spencer “Corry” Jones, a contestant on the American-produced show Race to Survive: New Zealand, was disqualified along with his teammate Oliver Dev for killing a weka bird, an iconic indigenous species which is extinct across large parts of the country. "
"My mother tends to refer to all polygons with more than 4 sides as a hexagon, including pentagons and octagons, but that's another matter entirely :("
<sasamj>    My fav cars are the early Honda insight, the Volkswagen xl1 and this new aptera EV, I have a type 👀
The species exhibits no notable characteristics, such as extravagant colors or unusual antennae, but is of interest to beetle collectors (and also collectors of Hitler memorabilia)
<zxrom> Gliptic, Planets have gravity, this is a consequence of the absorption of the field form of matter. Asteroids don't grow, they don't have gravity.
<Gliptic> I have extensive experience with all kinds of lunacy, but this is a new one
"Without wishing to make provocative statements which may be unhelpful, I can only submit that this ludicrous Marina would totally destroy the village which is manifestly unfair to it's decent residents and visitors. It would be a catastrophic misjudgement to allow this monstrous project to materialise."
Cocaine in the River Thames is 'another problem eels don't need', says expert
Further research is required to ascertain whether cocaine is changing the behaviour of the sharks.
"According to Sipes, the project's turnaround is a result of governance, storytelling, and learning to be comfortable asking users for money. He would also like it quite a bit if Linux distributions stopped turning off telemetry."
<jan64> wait you mean they actually use the fish to BZZZZZZT people?
<umaxtu> I'm hourly, so I'll only get overtime if all the salaried people are dead
<sasamj> the hardest part about roaches is that you can't squish em or you get a pretty big mess, usually i just try to grab em and flush em in the toilet, but i heard they can still live and come back up
If you are female and under 20 years of age, you may only donate blood in the UK if you have more than 3.5 litres of it.
<electrokitty> This is where you try and argue you can consent to cannibalism
You'll need about 1/2 the placenta of a 6.2 pound baby, or 1/3 the placenta of a 9.3 pound baby. Chopped and packed, this is just a bit more than 1/3 cup.
> 1, Wash the placenta well, in a colander, then shake it to drain. (it will still leak juices)
> 8. Let the liquid boil away and/or solidify onto the broccoli and placenta. | > 9. When it looks yummy, serve it.
<thomastheo> making propellant for rocket motors is stupidly easy, if a little hazardous || the trick is to make the powder just shit enough that they dont explode
<thomastheo> twelve year old me quickly lost interest and cut open the motors to apply the powder to other things. then i made my own powder.
<thomastheo> [trains] are basically overcomplicated guillotines
The first corrupted file I looked at contained just a PDF advertising a rentable bowling pin mascot costume
Boneless chicken wings do not have to be bone-free, Ohio's top court ruled, ending a lawsuit filed by a man who fell ill after swallowing a piece of bone from his order.
<orbbfrgg> You say no name, but it's actually got excessive amounts of name
"Well, the whole train was electrified, but apart from that..."
Sometimes autistic people argue too, and that phenomenon is known as The Internet.
< thomastheo> i'm sure there are cardinals who achieve mohs hardness of seven and up when wandering through the halls of the vatican museum
"What is despair? I have known it -- hear my song. Despair is when you’re debugging a kernel driver and you look at a memory dump and you see that a pointer has a value of 7." -- James Mickens
< FLHerne> I've just been given a lift part-way home by an Elvis impersonator on his way to Liverpool who we met half an hour ago
<Nvidiot> Demon core sandwich. The bits get squished in your intestines and boom.
<thomastheo> it seems being rotund and smoking endlessly and marinating your liver isnt healthy.
"We pass'd Stilton, a town famous for cheese, which is call'd our English Parmesan, and is brought to table with the mites or maggots round it, so thick, that they bring a spoon with them for you to eat the mites with, as you do the cheese." -- Daniel Defoe, 1724
<orbbfrgg> I don't care about facts, I find they tend to cloud my judgement
<electrokitty> I'm sure it's possible to get drunk via osmosis in pubs
M*A*S*H was the first major studio film to use the word "fuck" in its dialogue.
The central principle of liberalism is that the correct amount of civil unrest is behind us, was necessary, and that any more would be wildly inappropriate.
One good day cannot erase a lifetime of bad days, but it certainly gives you perspective.
<ldgoforlaunch> >"Hey, let's have you do a spready on top of the cheese wheels. It will give guys a strange urge to buy our cheese any time they pass it in a store." -Big Cheese Marketing
<thomastheo> i once witnessed a fellow student get shot in the eye with a formaldehyde-soaked piece of shark carcass || that was fun
"If I can give -0 stars for this awfully atrocious company, I would. " - A T, Local Guide, 2023
<thomastheo> i was witness to an amusing conversation yesterday, where one nerd asked another nerd "do you like manga" || the response "no i'm not into young girls" lead to a protracted awkward silence
<jan64> orbbfrgg, i will admit the gas bottle? looks a bit dodgy, and the chicken is just fucked up, but it's surprisingly hard to derail a train
"Please be advised we're experiencing issues with Aston Lock 11 on the Birmingham & Fazeley Canal. The local team aren't certain what the issue is, but will continue to investigate."
"Because timing is the essence of comedy, that would be when it started to rain on the quarter million dollar laser system, destroying it. Bob no longer worked at $LASER_COMPANY two weeks later."
"I'd rather be blind than wear those (laser safety eyewear). Then I wouldn't have to see them."
electrokitty: Hello yes I would like some cheese but for it to taste like a house fire
Boeing: faster, better, cheaper - pick any zero
FLHerne: all cars should be pyramids
"There is only one party in the United States, the Property Party ... and it has two right wings: Republican and Democrat. Republicans are a bit stupider, more rigid, more doctrinaire in their laissez-faire capitalism than the Democrats, who are cuter, prettier, a bit more corrupt – until recently ... and more willing than the Republicans to make small adjustments when the poor, the black, the anti-imperialists get out of hand." -- Gore Vidal
"There were a couple of times that I lost track of the chip and had to check some specks under the microscope to determine which was the chip and which were dirt." -- Ken Shirriff
"This restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organised civilisation." -- AWS ToS
"No longer are you keeping those private files in some file cabinet. It's on your laptop, and it's then therefore up here in this cloud, that exists above us. It's no longer in a physical place." -- Kamala Harris
FLHerne: all devices should be pyramids
<dnsmcbr> orbital :(  Im still salty. Even Orbital ATK was gud, but no, big baddy daddy NG come along and all corpo it :(
<dnsmcbr> can't !stupid me if I split it over too many lines, punks
Local and federal authorities have shut down what seems to be an illegal medical lab hidden in a California warehouse that contained nearly 1,000 laboratory mice, hundreds of unknown chemicals, refrigerators and freezers, vials of biohazardous materials, including blood, incubators, and at least 20 infectious agents, including SARS-CoV-2, HIV, and a herpes virus.
"As part of the collaboration, our client would cover all of Three Little Birds Bakery's expenses and costs in exchange for social media content and local and national exposure for their business."
<thomastheo> jan64: are you trying to rile me up so i commit terrorist acts as your proxy?
"As the diver descended to a depth of about 20m, the umbilical cord containing an air supply became entangled in the vessel’s aft Voith Schneider propeller, and the diver was dragged towards its rotating blades. [...] The diver was approximately 3m from the rotating propeller when the propeller was stopped."
<FLHerne> I should probably stop admitting to things that would make people think I'm dangerously insane
<SilverFox> my *internet* has been flooded with "articles" about some bitch who threw a bra at drake and she has big fucking tiddies and that's somehow the most fascinating world-breaking thing ever and they won't fucking shut up about it
"I refer to things by incorrect words: species of car, makes of dog, calling tennis rackets and golf clubs ‘bats’, to name but a few. It’s a little thing I find fun, and sometimes it gives the listener a little pause while their brains catch up to what I said."
<orbbfrgg> Humans love authentic originality in food, going back to basics. Humans need a healthy diet high in fibre and enjoy regular bowel movements. Humans love to enjoy salty snacks! Humans find unusually coloured foodstuffs fun and exciting! And finally, humans love the clean fresh smell of pine.
One person died from the disease because they ate microwaved popcorn at least once a day, put their nose inside the newly microwaved bag, and inhaled deeply.
SOY! SOY! SOY! Soy makes you strong! Strength crushes enemies! SOY! -- someone on everything2
<orbbfrgg> Died doing what he loved, huffing popcorn microwave bags
Shirataki noodles are made from 97% water and 3% konjac, which contains glucomannan, a water-soluble dietary fiber. They are very low in digestible carbohydrates and food energy, and have little flavor of their own.
<FLHerne> effects of depression are (a) wanting not to be alive (b) lack of motivation to actually do things, including (a)
"I'd like my corpse to be left to get nice and ripe before being loaded into a trebuchet and flung through a billionaire's window."
"If a topological space is a union of two contractible subsets with contractible intersection, then it's contractible. A nice pub quiz question (they have strange pubs around here) is to find an easy and totally ordinary counterexample with no pathologies of any kind."
"We had to collect garbage from under the children’s diving platform, and to do that I learned how to dive and swim under water. I had no goggles or any other special equipment and bringing the garbage to the surface was quite a job. I spent two or three weeks diving into that lake and eventually I learned how to hold my breath under water." -- Jacques Cousteau
"There was a swimming pool at my school in Alsace, and I used all kinds of contraptions made from tubes and pumps in order to breathe underwater. I wasn’t trying to observe the natural world. I was imitating the James Fenimore Cooper heroes who hid underwater and breathed through hollow reeds when trying to escape from their pursuers." -- Jacques Cousteau
electrokitty: Can you imagine how big a human egg would be
< FLHerne> people would invent so many weird sex things though | <@jan64_> they already do | < FLHerne> but a pouch adds more options
<+jan64_> man, i miss covid
<sasamj> so right now you might be able to legally make some petrol bombs yo
Lord Lane held that a defendant who manufactured ten petrol bombs to defend his shop during the Toxteth riots could set up the defense of showing that he possessed an explosive substance "for a lawful purpose" if he could establish that he was acting in self-defense to protect himself or his family or property against an imminent and apprehended attack [...].
ok, now when you make me really brainstorm things, i guess they just built vacuum tubes like, you can grow carbon fiber so they just made a capillar, and it was being lifted with baloons while it was being built. its foundation was very soapy, but in the end they just replaced it with the doors. am i not a genius. should i count this for two nobels
<electrokitty> It's actually a pretty crap design, it's obviously designed to be immersed in hot viscous liquids but the first time I did then all the printed numbers came off and were floating around in my jam.
<jan64> just throw it in the trash || <jan64> that's what i do with batteries
"Harwich factory to make jet fuel out of faeces in world first."
<@jan64_> WOOF WOOOOOOF
<ldgoforlaunch> screenshot more cooked than the chinese embassy staff in belgrade '99
"President Bill Clinton apologized for the bombing, stating it was an accident."
<electrokitty> Anyway, consensus seems to be the Russians are just burning piles of tyres under the cooling tower for *reasons*
"Pull knob out to stop shower"
<raptop> I'll just assume that hitting the swan dislodges the structural lemon
In life you have to submerge yourself into the shittiest grime, with the broken glass and plastic bags and drowned rats and with the thundering traffic above you. With complete uncertainty as to the outcome. And if you are not willing to do that, there is no point.
"You [Eric Berger] know the details of this stuff better than I do, but I'm the one that's responsible." -- NASA Administrator Senator Bill Nelson
Toyota Mirai Turned Into Hydrogen Bomb By Ukrainian Forces Explodes With The Force Of 400 Pounds Of TNT
Ukrainian forces advance in southern Russia
"If you're going to throw someone under the bus, it doesn't make sense if you're going to be run over by the next bus." -- Kwasi Kwarteng
The only two women who have ever attempted to assassinate a US President both tried to kill Gerald Ford in the same month for entirely separate reasons.
"I've tried to reproduce with this cat but didn't have luck" || "Dude, phrasing."
"Thank you for your call. Your existential military struggle for national survival is important to us. Please leave your name, number, enemy, and the details of any valuable resource deposits within your national boundaries and we'll get back to you in 2 to 12 months."
"I once watched [K. B. Spangler] take a live falcon to the face. After that, I wouldn’t dream of any other editor for my self-published books."
"That's not funny." --Liz Truss
"This was a change from traditionally naming attack submarines after marine animals, such as USS Seawolf or USS Shark. Rickover's response to the decision to name the submarines after cities (and occasionally politicians) was that 'Fish don't vote.'"
<thomastheo> i learned yesterday that there is a dutch company working together with the university of Wageningen to develop a new banana
< sasamj> went down the rabbit hole of blackface and al jolson, very fascinating
<orbbfrgg> You just need to acquire a shitty old barrel and put some wank shit in it and then leave it to be gross for ages || <orbbfrgg> And then it's good
In the list of most-counted wasp species, the bee ranked No 1, and the hoverfly No 2.
<orbbfrgg> A kid I knew had a dolphin mom
<thomastheo> Nvidiot: don't stick your head inside tigers. || in fact, keep all appendages and/or bodyparts outside tigers at all times
"Family poisoned after using AI-generated mushroom identification book we bought from major online retailer"
< sborb> ugh I broke my wookie
"We used to set fire to each other as apprentices." "Well, that's fair game, innit."
<sasamj> i was the quiet guy everyone thought would shoot up the school
< ldgoforlaunch> that's a nice quote by hitler, though
Adult dudes obsessed with Vikings and Scandinavian shit should be called Swedaboos.
Do you want to smoke 20 cigarettes with one puff? Then, print this out.
<electrokitty> So you end up with this big sliding door slowly revealing someone mid-shit
<orbbfrgg> Scalded by Sewage would be a good death metal album name
"Cluster – who had part of his skull removed in September 2022 to treat an intracerebral hemorrhage, or brain bleed – was meant to have the same missing piece put back in place during a later surgery.  However, hospital staff could not locate the 12-by-15-cm bone flap."
<raptop> Man, it would be weird to learn that the hospital lost your skull
<orbbfrgg> Arguing with people in pubs about anything whatsoever is like arguing with somebody who thinks purple is a number || Their categories and axioms are just all wrong
"Everything that's aluminum on the F-150 is steel on the Cybertruck and everything thats steel on the F-150 is aluminum on the Cybertruck"
As of 2024, the United Kingdom is the only country to have successfully developed and then abandoned a satellite launch capability.
< FLHerne> unfortunately the canal it's kinda near is closed due to 4 tonnes of sodium cyanide solution
Just because two things are correlated does not create a casual relationship.
Don't forget to sort your recycling into card, glass, and crabs.
<jan64>  like if you want to eat your own body parts, god bless || but i probably would still suggest locking up people who offer to help you eat your own body parts
The 1900 Paris Olympics included ballooning for the first and only time. The winning team remained airborne for nearly 36 hours and landed near Kiev.
<electrokitty> They put out a memo during the football thing that whilst sweepstakes are technically allowed, you're not allowed to have any stakes
"The Constitution is founded on common law; common law comes out of the Bible. You can't separate the two. The idea behind the whole document was that the church runs the state. The church and we the people. We are the church...and so we run the state. But the state, the government, has no control over the church."
The human brain is a magnificent but jury-rigged device in which newer and more sophisticated structures sit atop a junk heap of prototype brains still used by lower species.
<sasamj> i have no idea what that was, ngl i thought it was that CIA shit show where they jacked off dolphins on LSD
"It is really beautiful gun. Everyone that has seen it loves it, love the sights has great balance. It doesn’t have a safety." - Gary G, 2022
"On the very same evening I crashed the drone, I lost Leo's frisbee in brambles far too formidable for a rescue attempt to be feasible. Afterwords, I asked: 'Hey Leo, got anything else that flies?'"
"<FLHerne> family outings were mostly interesting dolmens or cliffs or bogs"
<electrokitty> thomastheo: hm, I just measured some fresh dryer lint and couldn't get a reading above background
Many countries, the G8, the permanent members of the UN Security Council, as well as the western media questioned the wisdom behind Pakistan's decision to fly military aircraft so close to the Indian border.
<electrokitty> I've seen homeless people with card readers
<orbbfrgg> The moth is insufficiently sexy
"I love the bizarre scenario that this is making me envision...all these men in hard hats struggling to put very tiny little collars on very tiny little rats with a bunch of empty forklifts parked all around them."
> Bald eagle thought to be injured later deemed "too fat to fly"
<dnsmcbr> if I wanted to taste potato i'd be eating a potato god dammit
<dnsmcbr> electrokitty: don't mention chip cones around a dutch || they might spaff mayo all over 'em
According to the operating handbook, the An-2 has no stall speed. A note from the pilot's handbook reads: "If the engine quits in instrument conditions or at night, the pilot should pull the control column full aft and keep the wings level."
The following is said: "below me was a blizzard of sheet music", when jetpack demonstrator Bill Suitor accidentally flew his jetpack over an orchestra pit
Human teeth are denser than human bones overall at about 2.75 grams per cubic centimeter, making them a better value if you want to mail, you know, body stuff.
"The pilot can vector the thrust by altering the direction of the nozzles through hand-operated controls. To protect from resulting burns the pilot had to wear insulating clothes."
<thomastheo> the frog raining scene was pretty fucking weird https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxScnMSVxls
<FLHerne> rodents turned into abominations of science are credible
The Brazilian wandering spider's bite can cause severe symptoms, including increased pulse, blood pressure, and respiratory rate; extraordinary pain; penile erection that lasts for several hours; and, in several documented cases, death.
"while computing as a study field has been around since the 1920s, we didn't have actual computers until the 90s"
it constantly annoys me that the majority of people don't seem to know anything at all about most things
When the Estepona Giant Slide opened on 9 May 2019, it became famous immediately thanks to coverage on social media and Spanish national TV news. It closed permanently on 10 May due to injuries.
<sasamj> Going from anal sphincters to coffee is giving me topic whiplash, I suppose this is my own doing
< orbbfrgg> I cupped a friend once [...]
"I can tell I’m getting older because I’m starting to think Santa Claus is hot. ||  had not considered the effect this post would have on the Santa-claus-adjacent dudes who follow me. Oh jeez." -- Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D
< sasamj> i think if i end up a feeble old man im gonna get stoned outta my mind every day
Food waste is not a problem, as the tomatoes used as ammunition are not fit for consumption by humans.
On August 26th 2024, Danny Jansen became the first person to play for both teams during a single major-league baseball game.
How would you feel like if a tree broke into your home and cut off your genitalia as a gift for a lady-tree?
"I'm not superstitious… It's bad luck to be superstitious." -- Jared Isaacman
"On line 1 of the [REDACTED] there was a metal box covering a hydraulic pump. I asked for the covering to be removed. Heavy discolored meat build up was found on the pump itself, the inside covering, and built on the floor. Around the motor was meat, wood pieces, and plastic. When the cover was taken off an obvious odor filled the department."
Advocaat is a traditional Dutch alcoholic beverage made from eggs, sugar, and brandy.
Beetles comprise 25 percent of ALL KNOWN ANIMAL LIFE-FORMS. That means there's a 1 in 4 chance that anyone you meet is SECRETLY A BEETLE.
"A lot of times I was like, 'Listen, I know that the goal is to work with squid. So I'm going to put up with all this nonsense, like chemistry and math and calculus, to get to squid.'" -- Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D
"...ensure that cops are actually reviewing the AI-generated sections before signing off on the reports. In his law review article, Ferguson noted examples, such as 'the international spy network was revealed to be a group of highly trained squirrels.'"
< FLHerne> my friend has an absolute nightmare trying to sell big spiky dildoes
moofunk_: superhero power to have: Magneto, but with shit instead of metal
<thomastheo> i was still in spiky dildo territory, yes | <electrokitty> We're on pubs, now
<electrokitty> I was quite surprised how much it exploded given it's purported purity
According to the Elizabethan theories, out of the four fundamental characters, eggs are sanguine and beer is choleric.
<sborb> so we got happy, cranky, stoic and sad | eggs are happy and beer is irritable
"If the government wanted people to drive safely, they'd mandate a spike in the middle of each steering wheel." -- Gordon Tullock
<thomastheo> risk of immediate firey death really does have my preference over risk of protracted horrific debilitation leading to eventual death
"I'm sure we would not have had men on the Moon if it had not been for Wells and Verne and the people who write about this and made people think about it." -- Arthur C. Clarke
Science: because figuring things out is always better than making shit up.
Scientists do not coddle ideas. They crash test them. They run them into a brick wall at sixty miles per hour and examine the pieces. If the idea is sound, the pieces will be those of the wall.
"War was one of the main instruments by which human societies were kept in touch with physical reality. In philosophy, or religion, or ethics, or politics, two and two might make five, but when one was designing a gun or an aeroplane they had to make four." -- George Orwell
"We don't ask that you stay within the bounds of physics, but at least follow the rules you freaking made up."
The Isle of Man Steam Packet Company Limited (Manx: Sheshaght Phaggad Bree Ellan Vannin), founded in 1830, is the oldest continuously operating passenger shipping company in the world.
<electrokitty> Dead people don't need organs
<thomastheo> my liver is my liver. keep your filthy nubbins off it
However good your French you will never understand advice shouted from a boat on the river, particularly when it is fifteen feet high and weighs a thousand tons and seems to have chosen your craft as a sexual partner.
"if you ever would like to preserve some food in an insane way i cannot recommend the peatlands of the north pennines more. alternately if i have acquired a bog illness and die soon then at least i died doing what i loved (doing stupid things)."
"just realised i never updated you all with the enormous bog scone my friend made with the bog butter. the maddest thing about it was it was huge and he sliced it up like a cake, tasted pretty good though."
"Everyone is freaking out over this, but there are many logical explanations. Although Starliner is *most* likely haunted, it could also be aliens, space whales, sophon interference, forever lost cosmonauts banging on the hatch begging to be let in, or simply the Babadook."
<FLHerne>14,99 99,99but [piss] spread all over the floor for no good reason is untidy
Plopsaland De Panne is an amusement park in Belgium.
"Florida surgeon sued after mistakenly removing patient’s liver"
<electrokitty> I never did anything nefarious, although one time I did log into a guy's email and sent himself an email to say he should *really* consider using some form of secure transport, especially if he's going to use public WiFi
"I object to 'turquoise' as it's usually used because the actual *substance* turquoise is sky blue."
Mount Judd, former spoil tip of the Judkins granite quarry in Nuneaton, was voted the United Kingdom's best landmark in a Daily Mirror poll in 2018.
"Bought an old Slovenian army Geiger counter (as you do). It turned out to have an Interesting design: when used hand-held (it can also be vehicle-mounted) it hangs in a shoulder strap at crotch level. Nothing wrong with that... except they also designed it with an unnecessarily spicy check source on the outside of the bag. So while you are walking around checking for dangerous radiation, it's subtly irradiating your junk."
The Russian ambassador to Washington has blamed the death of a Ukrainian F-16 pilot on inadequate training provided by the United States.
Throwing a ball around a German Shepherd will simply result in a look that says "Why did you throw that ball? That was a perfectly good ball. And you threw it? Go pick it back up."
"The little hamster in my brain decided it was time to go on vacation because I couldn't formulate a sentence responding to her blithering lunacy."
<raptop> Of course, if it has a plot, it might be one of those incredibly chuuni things, so you're basically reading a fantasy manga with lots of sex
<thomastheo> looks like you get a lot of cone for your money though
"One alarmingly bad downside of this method is that you go further and further down the porn addiction rabbit hole as you search for more interesting and niche nukige to read/use."
"I acccidentally stepped on the side panel which warped so I emailed Fractal Design, told them honestly what happened and that it was purely my fault and asked if I could order a new panel since the case wouldnt properly close anymore. I was sent a brand new side panel via DHL and they charged me absolutely nothing."
we found that an aqueous solution of a common food color approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, tartrazine, has the effect of reversibly making the skin, muscle, and connective tissues transparent in live rodents.
"Andean 'Viagra': Peru seizes hundreds of frogs used as aphrodisiacs"
< raptop> Man Jesus's refactory period is disappointingly long
A man in Heerenveen had himself delivered to his ex's house, inside a cardboard box. ‘I didn't know how else to get inside to collect my things,’ the 33-year-old man responded, when questioned by the police judge.
<•thomastheo> dnsmcbr: that's also the newest bit of holland. i think it opened like 10 years ago
A couple who kept an old naval shell as a garden ornament said "it was like the passing of an old friend" when it was detonated by a bomb disposal team.
<thomastheo> if you were insane enough to want to remove the tnt from a grenade, a water bath is probably the safest option
<thomastheo> it's oddly charming || he's really going full ham on those spoons
Officials said someone turned the oven on with the gun inside. The gun overheated and five rounds went off. "Please do not store guns or anything else in your oven," Chesterfield Fire and EMS said.
"A custome lothsome to the eye, hatefull to the Nose, harmefull to the braine, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the blacke stinking fume thereof, neerest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomelesse." -- King James I in "A Counterblaste to Tobacco", 1604
<svip> We have yet to connect IRC to our dreams.
Phone 0121 557 1402 to pre-book your pie and avoid disappointment
<FLHerne> sadly, LLMs are pretty much artificial forum trolls
"We had a minor mishap with the drone - it had an unconventional landing experience in conjunction with the presence of a tree." -- Leo S. Goolden
<FLHerne> orbbfrgg: it's not the graphics doing thre[..]e work, it's the dorf simulation
< orbbfrgg> When I use my phone to pay for something on the pub jukebox it says Sainsbury's Groceries
"I remember my grandmother telling me about the first time she found out people came in different colors. She grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and it just never occurred to her parents to inform her of that."
The carbon footprint of an Ariane 5 is about twice that of a Falcon Heavy (citation: https://arxiv.org/pdf/2409.04054)
New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu performed the Heimlich manoeuvre to save a man choking on seafood during an eating contest. Despite the incident, the contestant resumed the competition.
"It is argued against recent medical anthropological and sociological studies of incontinence that it cannot be assumed that the opposite of incontinence is continence and containment. The issue of control is paramount, rather than the issue of containment in itself. "
<ldgoforlaunch> [hedgehogs are] a lot louder than you'd expect from such a small nose
"You should try [vomiting] sometime! It's a very intense experience."
<thomastheo> i give it like fifteen years tops until we actually have straightup lethal gameshows
<orbbfrgg> Your particular brand of libertarianism makes me feel like the "let the kid eat superglue" style of parenting
<Gliptic> orbbfrgg: let people enjoy being murdered!plz
"Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life" -- Elon Musk
<thomastheo> it does make your bones squishy || <orbbfrgg> That can be useful || You can squidge into places
Tomorrow I'm doing 9/11
<sasamj> orbbfrgg: stop fertilizing me
< ldgoforlaunch> i actually did a test this morning that showed i was only mildy racist
In recent years, the Blue Banana has been shifting north towards Germany,
sasamj: electrokitty: ever been to the autism subreddit
<beloved_lover> It's like ejaculating on photos of Falcon 1 and Elon is the cuck in that setting
<ldgoforlaunch> yeah, bear in mind that the definition of a WMD in early 2000s was very lax || <thomastheo> it really should be limited to weapons that actually destroy mass
Trying to describe Otoliths/otoconia causing dizziness quickly in layman’s terms sounds a lot like quackery. Especially when you start talking about the treatment being “an all natural set of exercises that will help you realign your inner crystals and regain balance”.
"I talked to my mother today. She told me that she'd gotten a Harris sign, but she hadn't put it up yet as she needed to figure out where to put it so if people shot it, the bullets wouldn't go through and hit the house"
"What did you mean by "kachow"? Because here in Nepal that word is slang for a man who has very dark colored nipples. But I assume that was not how you meant it here from the context of your sentence."
You could not possibly put a fish under enough tension to produce an audible pitch, without it absolutely just ripping apart.
<electrokitty> I mean, it's not exactly tuning in the traditional sense is it || Basically just a fish potentiometer
<sasamj> makes sense around 6pm though, after work is when you beat your wife
"You can steer a boat and it's like a road boat."
A study found that beer consumption dropped by 10% when pubs shelved pint glasses and served customers with glasses two thirds the size instead.
"During the operation, Dr. Shaknovsky allegedly removed Bryan’s liver, mistaking it for the spleen. He then informed Bryan’s wife that the organ was severely diseased, had enlarged to four times its normal size, and had migrated to the other side of the body. The mistake was only discovered after Bryan’s death."
<sasamj> Actually I've never seen a spleen of any kind
<@jan64> i don't *thiiiiiink* bestiality should be illegal[...]
"The story appears to capture the current mood in Lebanon, where no one seems quite sure what will explode next."
"If a country gentleman has rows of trees leading to his dwelling, the auto-icons of his family might alternate with the trees; copal varnish would protect the face from the effects of rain." -- Jeremy Bentham
<FLHerne> I've suggested turning Milo into a sort of cushion when he dies but my stepmother gets all aaaaaa about it
<orbbfrgg> While I may have a fixation on matters fecal, you guys do seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the remains of the dead, or eating people, or making things out of people
A morning train to Gatwick Airport was cancelled after two squirrels boarded and one refused to get off.
<electrokitty> Weird how gay people are just accepted now, no one is talking about revoking gay marriage or anything
A Chinese zoo has admitted that the “pandas” they keep are actually painted dogs. Videos of the barking animals already went viral on Chinese social media.
Prosecutors had no forensic evidence connecting Allah to the shooting
<Will Robinson-Smith> it sounds like your kids won the bring your parents to school day.
"One day a dead moose washed up on shore and it took my entire crew all day but we managed to rig a line to hang it up to dry because we thought having a moose skeleton in the house would really spice the living room up a bit. It did.
"It is my theory that squirrels high on vitamin A [from pumpkins] will throw themselves recklessly into traffic due to a decrease in inhibition, heightened awareness, and the belief that they are indestructible."
"I have no desire to die... I think this is one of the safest things I will ever do." -Stockton Rush
A man died after accidentally stabbing himself in the stomach while trying to separate two frozen burger patties with a knife, an inquest has heard. The 57-year-old lived alone and had been described as a “very private man”.
<Nvidiot> Some bonus holes in humans are fine, others not so much.
"The middle aisle is a thing of beauty, although it can be difficult not squashing the bread with my new chainsaw"
<sasamj> Drugs are a hell of a drug
<FLHerne> jan64: I only advocate consensual or post-mortem taxidermy
<sasamj> FLHerne: do canals make a good place to hide a body | <FLHerne> someone would find a leg jammed in their propeller | that happened at Atherstone a few months ago | turned out to be a missing cyclist
"Following the accident, the following safety actions have been taken: The airfield owner has instructed the farmers to remove the hay from the airfield as soon as it is baled and not to store it on the airfield."
<sasamj> I bet some asshole could commit some crazy terrorism with a bunch of these kindsa dogs, you know like how that guy was breeding a metric fuckload of frogs for internet fame. Imagine that but with dogs, and you starve em a fair bit, cull the females for anything but breeding, and teach em to attack live bait
Having only one method of civil execution for all regardless of class was also seen as an expression of equality among citizens.
<jan64> how many cats have you dissected? || <sasamj> well i've seen like about 2 dozen i reckon
"The software should have commanded the opening of water valves on the tripod to douse a fire. But instead, a single errant line in the software commanded every valve on the rocket, from propellant to igniter fluid, to open."
"The recruiter advised Rose not to ask Musk about space elevators. This struck Rose as odd, since he had never heard of a space elevator, nor been planning to ask about one."
ldgoforlaunch: see, not all genocide is bad
FLHerne: Two of my toenails fell off for no reason the other month, that was concerning
<orbbfrgg> Who is sending them | <orbbfrgg> You just have a dead cat guy?
"I am just pointing out that the public Internet attack is limited to servers that are directly connected to the Internet"
sasamj: the hell do gay people listen to
<FLHerne> Cliff is particularly annoyed with Tony because he's lost two wives to him in a row
More and more people don't live in their own local reality.
In 1993, Stena Fantasia became the first cross-channel ferry to carry a McDonald's restaurant, having been installed during a refit at Bremerhaven that year.
<@dnsmcbr> my coch has "abnormal anatomy"
"It doesn't just implode" - Stockton Rush, in a USCG hearing
"I can come up with 50 reasons why we have to call it off and we fail as a company. I'm not dying. No one dying under my watch, period." -- Stockton Rush
"It's a fact that after you die you are 21 grams lighter."
26th September is World Cassowary Day
My system details: Ubuntu version : 15.10 | Lightdm version: 1.16.4-0ubuntu1 | Cat: black, domestic
When used in the production or handling of chlorine, titanium should not be exposed to dry chlorine gas because it may result in a titanium–chlorine fire.
Badgers are very sad creatures that I do not give a Damn about. They have never been there for me. All they do is Dig and eat WORMS. One day they will Dig themselves straight in to Hell and no one will be sorry about it.
<thomastheo> you could confuse your neighbors by releasing a bunch of slugs in their yard with neat little qr codes burned into them
<WolframBot> convert £1 (British pound) to US dollars: , (total coin weight: 18.17 grams)
"Saudi World Cup chief claims LGBTQ+ football fans ‘welcome’ despite death penalty."
By 2011, the Anti-Witchcraft Unit had established nine witchcraft-fighting bureaus in cities across the Saudi, and processed "at least 586 cases of magical crime"
"Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium."
<zxrom> The flat Earth theory was created and spread to cover up the growing Earth theory.
"One morning, after they woke up to find that their car had been set on fire during the night, they decided they’d had enough of New York."
"When every actor that you ever work with says. 'Where am I? Who am I talking too?' You get the idea: 'Oh, I see! That’s how acting works! They need to know this stuff!' So once they got that into their brains everything went a lot more smoothly."
A toothpaste-based transistor is the latest innovation from the research team at the Istituto Italiano di Tecnologia in Milan.
"Childless Republican Candidate Poses with Borrowed Family in Bizarre Photo Shoot"
"Based on our research, we rate FALSE the claim pelicans stick out their spines through their throats to cool down."
<orbbfrgg> Irradiate the children | <thomastheo> yes | <thomastheo> that will be part of the demo for sure
<orbbfrgg> Do we should cut people's arms off because they have a feely, gotcha | <FLHerne> been there, done that
sasamj: Actually how much is an abortion
This Room is Equipped With ~Edison Electric Light~ | Do not attempt to light with match.
"Birds do not scale down either; an EJ22 swallowing an FAA-mandated four-pound bird is the equivalent of a Boeing 777 engine ingesting a small cow."
Champ is picked by whoever unravels the chessboard puzzle. Chess is played on a squared board with 62 rotating squares, every player set up there pieces, so the light squares are on the correct hand side, something to note is that the Queen piece is put on the square of a similar shading.
Never attempt to empty your dog’s anal glands yourself unless you have had instruction from your vet, and are confident doing so. Squeezing them incorrectly can cause serious problems.
Your bank's customer support representatives are taught to evaluate whether someone looks like they're competent and collecting a paper trail. If they are, the CS rep is supposed to stop touching the case immediately and instead escalate them to a supervisor or to the legal department.
<electrokitty> Illegal sheep bollocks
"Derek. Please don't use the 32' stop. It causes the plaster to crash down from the ceiling. Thanks."
"Knowledge is certainly power, but without a sense of personal responsibility, without morality and all that we should mean by good manners, it is a very evil power." -- Tom Rolt
"Oh! I thought it was going to emancipate me. It's just gonna emancipate my cubes. How rude!"
<sasamj> Mojave is just a junkyard that also happens to be a spaceport
<biberao> i found my problem || i need larger numbers :D
FLHerne:  ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0 ;0
The patient was socially and intellectually competent. He was also attracted to dogs and goats.
<ldgoforlaunch> zoophilia ought to attract new people
<raptop> Careful, if [you] close too many parens, you'll eventually complete the True Name of Ba'al the soul-eater
After treatment in the primary hospital for high fever, coma, and other symptoms, he was transferred to the municipal hospital, where the physician suspected rabies; however, there was a misdiagnosis based on a false negative ELISA test for rabies virus antibody, which is a test with poor sensitivity. Subsequently, his organs were transplanted to three patients, two of whom developed rabies and eventually died.
< FLHerne> jan64: nothing to do with me, I was busy semi-illegally tampering with fire hydrants
The process requires short-term skeletal simmering in a 10% solution of commercially available enzymatic detergent and water. Over 50 skulls have been macerated in our laboratory resulting in substantial saving in research money, time, and effort.
"Mr Hill says the sheer number of errors show external factors were acting on him. We say this is perverse. The evidence shows he was not cognitively impaired, he was flying the plane very badly by his own negligence." -- Civil Aviation Authority
<ldgoforlaunch> id say something, but it might be considered terrorism
<electrokitty> Pubic telemetry
"What you have to think about is: A COACH. Is a NARROWBOAT. That can do SEVENTY MILE AN HOUR."
In the military, it became common knowledge that the ingestion of a small amount of C4 produces a similar “high” as that of ethanol, often leading to its consumption by soldiers
<thomastheo> turns out that if you take a bunch of jellyfish parts, put them into a bag and shake them up a bit, they fuse together to form living jellyfish abominations
<orbbfrgg> I still stand by Wet Dress Rehearsal being a fantastic name for a risque spaceflight themed band
"Uranium glass citrus reamer. Just simply the worst idea. Don’t use these."
"We have a visit in the near future by the Branch Line Society. The thing about the Branch Line Society is that they like Branch Lines. So, we thought we'd better build some new ones."
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." -- C. A. R. Hoare
Australian airline Qantas has apologized for showing a movie with sex scenes and nude images during a flight. Due to a technical glitch, the screen could not be turned off and the film could not be stopped.
Theo Mavrostomos experienced the highest pressure of any live human, 71.1 bar, on 20 November 1992.
"I tell antivaxxers that the antivaxx conspiracy was started by Big Pharma to cut down on the number of vaccinated people because vaccines make less money than treating diseases."
" One Christmas when I was in grade school my dad gave me two beautifully wrapped D cell batteries with a note 'Toy Not Included'. My mother was sure I'd be upset. I thought it was hilarious. Daddy and I really got each other."
Royal Mail | Please do no post into this post box as there is a bird with hatching eggs inside. We are temporary suspending collection from this post box until clear of the all birds.
<raptop> Hrm, Florida gets hit by 3-5 cats on average every 3-4 years
<Gliptic> I'm going to repeat.. never outsource your waifus
"The use of hydrazine sulfate as a cancer remedy was popularized by the magazine Penthouse in the mid-1990s"
"Hedgehog's in the engine room. It's in proper hibernation now so shouldn't be disturbed."
"Is the desalinator not working?" "No. Ed set it on fire."
<brianx> having your skin flayed off by boiling water is probably quite pleasant, like a really hot bath.
"You're the gayest straight person I know."
Stop Snorting Switch and Lamp
Pliny the Elder, in his Natural History, wrote that earwax—when applied topically—cured bites from humans, scorpions, and serpents; it was said to work best when taken from the ears of the wounded person itself.
<thomastheo> that would make for an interesting death. having your eardrums punctured by some ham with a stick, hurridly attempting to extract the lifegiving wax from your ear canal
Occlupanids are generally found as parasitoids on bagged pastries in supermarkets, hardware stores, and other large commercial establishments. Their fascinating and complex life cycle is unfortunately severely under-researched. What is known is that they take nourishment from the plastic sacs that surround the bagged product, not the product itself, as was previously thought.
Civilization takes giant leaps when new forms of transportation become simple, reliable and cheap. The next leap is just around the corner… I’m so excited to see what is built in the new space economy! - Kiko Dontchev (TurkeyBeaver)
"Is Zambia what used to be Rhodesia? I can't get used to all these new names." -- FLHerne's grandmother, 2024
The HMX mixture was combined with regular flour in order to produce explosives suitable for sabotage missions and diversions, while looking (and tasting) rather innocent. What came as the biggest oddity of this mixture was that it was actually edible, apart from being a very efficient explosive. The edible part was primarily made possible so that smugglers could demonstrate the flour to any doubting customs officer in occupied China
<jan64> bleugh, everything produces phosgene gas these days
<thomastheo> my real last name is unpronounceable to non-dutchies anyway
Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. They're terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. They take a bit of prep work, but so worth it.
Note: One fluid ounce (usually called, simply, ounce) of water weighs approximately one ounce.
"One thing my father taught me is that being nice, while better than the alternative, is far, far less important than being good. I have no use for people who are nice without being good first."
"The fried egg isn't properly a fried egg until it's been put in a frying pan and fried."
"Well then, good news! It's a suppository."
<electrokitty> sasamj: what are ass drugs
A state-of-the-art fire station in western Germany that was completed last year at a cost of tens of millions of euros has burned to the ground because it had not been equipped with a fire alarm.
thomastheo: laugh all you want at that, we both stole it from the french
"We work on a risk management basis and we’ll have judged the risk of the EA finding out and understanding the permit breach would be minimal as they are under-resourced and incompetent." -- United Utilities employee
"Broadly speaking, short words are best, and the old words, when short, are best of all." -- Winston Churchill
<Nvidiot> FLHerne: https://i.imgur.com/WdyyZGj.png all the big cats that I've pet haven't tried eating my face. This means I can safely continue.
'this is the facts, this is not science fiction, this is not me being paranoid. ok, perhaps i am paranoid, but what i just told you is real, nevertheless' -- John McAfee
<thomastheo> is it as good as drunk ikea | <thomastheo> cause drunk ikea is pretty good
<electrokitty> Really helps prevent the 5G mind control waves from interfering with the covid vaccine
<thomastheo> duck shit enemas are probably a bad idea even if you dont rupture your colon in the process
Technically, any Canadian right now can go adopt a schnauzer, turn him into stew and they won't even get a ticket.
< sasamj> i wanted to ride that neck breaking roller coaster in japan, but they closed it down for breaking necks or something
<thomastheo> But Wait, There's More! With Every Purchase We Will Include Cancer, Liver Disease and Infertility, For Free!
<thomastheo> i wish we had drugs squid | <thomastheo> eight arms and two tentacles of drug enforcement excellence
"According to German police, the restaurant used to deliver pizzas with a side dish of cocaine, listed in the menu as "pizza No. 40."  "That was one of the best-selling pizzas," a German police officer said in a statement."
<sasamj> idk i wanted an excuse to bring up that chimp frog video
"It just wouldn't be an adventure if I didn't perch precariously on something unstable and wave at canoeists while wearing a pirate hat."
"People told me that my new hobby of swimming wasn't as interesting as my old hobby of exploring abandoned things and trying not to die. They're the same hobby, fools! Let's get on with the show!"
<thomastheo> what is life other than a continuing effort to contain fluids and substances as needed
"The development of the camp and cottage life which is now the great feature of the river has been made possible largely through the introduction of the older types of pleasure craft, first, the primitive steam launches, then the naphtha launch,"and the "Alco-vapor launch," and more recent years the gasoline launch with explosion motor."
"...tipped me off to some monster magnetrons being sold as heat exchangers. I bought a few: although one came DOA, two were still functional. I was salty about the dead unit but then a scorpion jumped out of the package, which I thought was a pretty cool consolation prize."
<electrokitty> Ah yes, you wouldn't want to get mixed up with solid blood or gaseous blood
"So I was wondering if you could actually fuel a rocket on cream." -- Scott Manley
"On an unrelated note, I now have to give you an update on my health issues." --styropyro
<thomastheo> if your pizza is 50% polonium youd definitely taste it
"The next step involves exploring amphibian social networks in the wild by equipping the frogs with tiny radio backpacks. This will allow the researchers to precisely determine who is hanging out with who." -- https://www.nzgeo.com/stories/do-frogs-like-each-other/
<electrokitty> I just tried and I can indeed swing my phone around by the [USB-C] cable without it unplugging
<jan64> electrokitty, i can swing it, but not do a full 360 || this statement is going to get taken out of context, isn't it
"Warning: not everyone is suited to having an affair. They are not an alternative to working on or ending a marriage. Not all affairs have a positive effect on a marriage, some can be very damaging." -- Illicit Encounters, "the UK's leading website for married people wanting to have an affair."
Nuclear Orthodoxy is a Russian eschatological political concept which believes that Russia must build up its military, particularly its nuclear arsenal, in order to prepare for the Second Coming. First conceived in the aftermath of the dissolution of the Soviet Union, Nuclear Orthodoxy has become an integral part of the ideology of the Russian Orthodox Church.
In 1924, John Jacob Astor was expelled from Parliament and fined £500 for voting without having sworn allegiance to the King.
"    Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the said settlement of the Church of England and the doctrine, worship, discipline and government thereof as by law established within the kingdoms of England and Ireland, the dominion of Wales and town of Berwick upon Tweed and the territories thereunto belonging?" -- Coronation oaths 1707
"Whether or not the Higgs exists has no bearing outside the insular world of particle physics. If you don’t have a four teraelectronvolt supercollider, you can’t make a Higgs. The Higgs field has no bearing on any physics at any scale anyone would ever care about. So I don’t care either way if physicists think they found a Higgs. It has zero bearing on my existence."
"Girls in the UK look so... British. I don't know how to explain it."
The Met Police has confirmed it is investigating "the theft of a large quantity of cheese".
"I learned that you do not layer reliability in later; you have to start on day one. If you want a reliable system, it starts with studying every way it can fail and doing the analysis and doing the work up front. And we didn't do that with Rocket 3." -- Chris Kemp
"I lost by, like, I didn’t lose." - Donald J Trump
"I'm gay. If I were Catholic I'd be going to hell."
"They're enclosed-crank. They're practically sensible."
a kelvin in a narrow boat is just gay. full stop.
<electrokitty> I don't think anyone can accuse [FLHerne] of having a boring life, at least
whenever somebody responds with "I beg your pardon?" assert your dominance by announcing "Then Beg."
"Stolen Ch
"Stolen cheddar may be heading to Russia, supplier tells BBC"
<moofunk_> "pro science" sounds like "pro gravity" to me
<sasamj> I just realized why the fuck we started stocking Gatorade in the hospital || Apparently there's a severe IV fluid shortage, so they're literally out here just giving people Gatorade lmao
<sasamj> oh wait im stupid its already there
<beloved_lover> I can feel the torque in my arse
<electrokitty> I hear lead acetate is pretty good
<ldgoforlaunch> FLHerne is the only person here worth discussing things seriously with
<electrokitty> It's amusing how most kitchen appliances are just resistive heaters in various forms || Oven is a big resistive heater and a fan in a box. Toaster is small resistive heaters in a bread-sized box. Kettle is a big resistive heater at the bottom of a jug of water.
<electrokitty> You say you have no idea how your suggestions are full of terrorist videos || <jan64> i never said that, i said it was thomastheo's fault
<Nvidiot> If one side says it's raining and the other says it's dry, your job as a journalist isn't to report both things, it's to look out the fucking window
The A19 was voted Britain's best A-road in the 2024 Strategic Road Users Survey. 85% of drivers like it.
The 46-year-old later texted a friend to say "I've smashed her head in - Oopsie xx" after leaving her victim with "serious head injuries", police said.
Until 2018, Morocco observed two separate periods of DST each year.
Laptop 'manufacturer' MALIBAL has "banned the entire state of Colorado for life" after comments made on Twitter/X by an engineer from System76.
<sasamj> the nozzle labled blood is off-putting
"On 1 January 2010, the maximum amount of lead in "lead-free brass" in California was reduced from 4% to 0.25% lead."
How do we stop too much wealth from accumulating in one place? - "Optimist: Give to the poor!" - Pessimist: "Take from the rich!" - Physicist: "Make all the money out of uranium."
"The 75mm is firing, and the 37mm is firing but traversing round the wrong way. The Browning has jammed. I am saying ‘driver advance’ on the A set and the driver, who cannot hear me, is reversing and as I look out of the top of the turret and see 12 enemy tanks 50 yards away someone hands me a cheese sandwich." -- Lt. Ken Giles
“It is not plausible that, even with improved typing speeds or an increase in chimpanzee populations, monkey labour will ever be a viable tool for developing non-trivial written works,” the study says.
<electrokitty> Daddy Trump ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Now the great thing about having a machine shop is that you can take any problem at all and overcomplicate it.
The notion that certain mountains may in fact be the remnants of ancient tree stumps that have undergone the process of petrification warrants considerable exploration. The Jugurtha Tableland in Tunisia, which rises nearly 2,000 feet (600 meters) above the surrounding plains, presents an intriguing case.
Before refrigeration, Russians kept the milk fresh by dropping live brown frogs straight into their milk buckets. The frog’s presence kept milk from spoiling. The skin of brown frogs, Rana temporaria, releases a unique secretion packed with potent antibacterial and anti-fungal peptides, making it a natural defence mechanism against both bacteria and fungi.
"Cheap white bread, actually, is pretty good for removing spigot bearings."
"We can have some proper lunch in a bit, but all I can offer right now is bread."
"Don't worry about the screaming, it's just my voltage converter. It's fine. Basically it's saying the batteries are on fire."
<orbbfrgg> Octahedrons are the worst platonic solid
<thomastheo> it would be funnier if you were a tofu extremist
< orbbfrgg> I had to slaughter 30 puppies just to get my frame rate back
"And to be brutally honest, Matt Parrott is too intelligent a guy to spend his life blacking boats." "But, Daniel, the two of us have spent all day doing this." "Ah, but we're not being paid for it."
< sasamj> It's only blackface if you put on lipstick and start singing al jolson
In the United Kingdom, under the Treason Felony Act 1848, it is a crime punishable by life imprisonment to advocate for the creation of a republic in print.
"Innes' stunt was decried by security experts, praised by relatives, and said to be 'totally in character' by friends."
<sasamj> we ought to free market the fuck out of these old people and start dumping them in mass graves
<orbbfrgg> Even numbers are all just the same number
"Be super careful never to program the Atmega while high voltage is applied and caps are not discharged. When cycling through the boot loader, it seems to do something strange that will blow up the otherwise bullet proof buck/boost converter! Also be aware that Arduino also cycles through the boot loader when closing the serial terminal!"
> "I think it would be really really silly just to vote for somebody just because they have my name without doing any research, or knowing what they stand for," laughs Kamala Harris, a mother of three from Seabrook, New Hampshire. "Kamala supports abortion which I really like. Trump says that he supports weed which I really like."
A usually reliable source tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered access to the internet before. As a result, they are gorging on pornography.
We are in the age of the populist buffoon. We're gonna be in the age of the post-truth hard-nosed disciplined populist politician in the 2030s.
<jan> also, reminds me of that one time I accidentally watched a McAfee guide to bribing police in 3rd world countries
...and if that offends you, then go and watch my video on how Blue Origin's New Shepard is like a big willy.
<FLHerne> I can tell winter's coming, my boat has filled up with spider
<orbfrg> There's a place around here called Bulkington and in my friend circle's LORE we claim that to be "bulked" is to have feces shoved back up your arse so we came up with the tourism slogan "come get bulked at bulkington"
"Gosh, you're both making this harder than it needs to be. Just use a *drill*. Drill all the way to the target point, push the transmitter to the end of the borehole, and fill the rest with tofu. This way you minimize acoustic artifacts not just from the test equipment, but also from shattered skull bone fragments. This would also let you take a continuous linear single-axis scan - just keep the transmitter running as you pull it out slowly,
<electrokitty> The coffee they provide is purchased from the same supplier as the stationery so that's probably why
Biz admits turning human women into faceless, sexualized furniture was a 'tone deaf' marketing ploy
The misguided attempt to welcome guests with branded lampshade-wearing hostesses was not consistent with our values. I appreciate you not judging us on this isolated event, and I want to reassure you of our continued commitment to and celebration of inclusion and diversity.
Initially a round tank was installed but this made the boat capsize so a different type of tank, rectangular with a moderately pitched top, was provided which was fine.
< FLHerne> don't you hate it when you reach to unscrew the top of your milk and there's a slug crawling around the cap so you get slug fingers
<FLHerne> I'm keeping the milk in my diesel locker atm
"The assembler asked an intuitive question: 'Which wire goes to which screw terminal on the lamp?'  They were correctly told that it didn't matter.  Since they didn't understand current or how a lamp worked they assumed it would be quicker to put power AND ground on the same terminal."
"Some people have a biscuit way of thinking while others have a more engineering way of thinking.  When the two communicate it's like speaking different languages."
<thomastheo> we're all floating amongst the turds now
"haha lead and DMSO, sounds like A Good Time"
"TL;DR My husband wants his final resting place to be on our fireplace mantle in the form of his literal skull. This is to be complimented by two gems in the empty eye sockets made from his corpse. I'm deeply disturbed by this. Help?"
In one seven-month period in 2012-13, 454 human skulls were listed on eBay, with an average opening bid of just under $650
<ldgoforlaunch> the skull of theseus operation
AERCAB
"Launched from the B-29 mothership at an altitude of 6 miles it would fire a solid-fueled rocket to accelerate to supersonic speed, at which point the ejection seat, containing an anesthetized chimpanzee as a test subject, would be fired. [...] None of the four chimpanzees used in the tests survived due to difficulties with the ejection system, however the project was considered a partial success."
"The vessel has now sunk. No further assistance required."
<orbbfrgg> Remember that stolen goods have a 100% profit margin at any price
The Twenty-seventh Amendment became part of the United States Constitution on May 5, 1992. Its record-setting ratification period of 202 years, 7 months, and 10 days, beat the previous record set by the Twenty-second Amendment of 3 years and 343 days.
<Gliptic> several people could live vicariously through FLHerne
<sasamj> Anyways the prefix mega sounds cool and we should use it for more shit
"I told Francis, not to shock you, but we lobbed the dog out - we got fed up of him and lobbed him out the window."
"As strongly requested by the reviewers, here we cite some references [[35], [36], [37], [38], [39], [40], [41], [42], [43], [44], [45], [46], [47]] although they are completely irrelevant to the present work." -- Origin of the distinct site occupations of H atom in hcp Ti and Zr/Hf
A Norwegian fishing boat has caught its largest ever haul – a US navy nuclear-powered submarine weighing in at 7,800 tons.
<thomastheo> looking at their wikipedia page, i think [Pythom] are already up to their elbows in acid | both lsd and nitric
During the Indo-Pakistani War of 1947, George VI was head of state of both warring nations.
The captain was not just lining up the holes in the Swiss cheese, he was eating the slices as fast as possible (re: Pakistan Airlines 8303)
America largely invented the modern world, but then it never took the next steps because it didn’t need to. So a lot of things are stuck in a "version 1.x" endlessly patched over.
You read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know. That is the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." -- Kurt Vonnegut
not shitty restriction food but this sub is my safe place i know yall love grapes LOOK HOW BIG THEY ARE SO CRUNCHY AND SWEET AND HUGE i wish there was an apple sized grape
<sborb> I love how marketing has convinced people that gamers require special types of children's food for adults
"I dropped a spanner in the bilge, and Ed went down and found three spanners and a screwdriver and a chipping hammer."
"Well, John couldn't speak, because with the same Foden when he was younger he accidentally destroyed his mum's kitchen."
Aircraft grounded after 130 hamsters run riot in luggage hold
In the investigation out of the 22 tested fire blankets, 16 of the fire blankets themselves caught fire. In the other 6 the fire reignited when the blanket was removed after 17 minutes.
Serving a hot chicken, avocado and brie sandwich with crisps might just make Mail Editor Ted Verity's head explode.
Now Gen Z are waging war on our sandwiches! How younger Brits are ditching English classics like ham and mustard in favour of fancy woke fillings:
An Iranian man named Amirhossein Molaei holds the Guinness Book of Records title for the highest vocal note produced by a man (F♯8, 5989 Hz)
<thomastheo> i'll do a line of ptfe, no problem | <electrokitty> I'm pretty sure I've eaten some
* thomastheo sells electrokitty's eyeballs on the open market | <electrokitty> But I need those
<FLHerne> I've had asbestos roof sheeting fall on me and shatter and then swept it up, that was a bad idea in retrospect
<@thomastheo> nah, FLHerne will go out in a masterful blaze of glory at the ripe old age of 108, defending britain against the invading hordes of cyber while dual wielding a boat hook and some kind of plasma rifle
A man stole 67 pieces of underwear from washing lines, used them to pleasure himself and then hung them on his ‘masturbation tree’.
Any dog under 50lbs is a cat and cats are pointless.
Is EASY to make new pals! You *start* with the chitty chat-chat... but then BAM: secret shirt kit-kat.
"In memory of Ellen Shannon, age 26 years, who was fatally burned Mar. 21. 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with R. E. Danforth's Non Explosive Burning Fluid"
New York City's Board of Health conducted a review of Danforth's Non-Explosive Petroleum Fluid the same year that the War Eagle burned and concluded that the New York-based product was no less than a 'murderous oil.'
<electrokitty> Or maybe we'll see inertial fusion re-engined B-52s dropping bombs on Martian rebels in the First Martian War of 2152
<thomastheo> an unrelated drug find in the news today was a garden gnome fashioned entirely out of MDMA
"Can't remember if I've actually had fruitcake before. Is it really as bad as people say?"
The production of mummy brown only ended in the mid-1960s - and only because the company making the color simply ran out of mummies. As the managing director of the color-making company C. Roberson told TIME magazine, "We might have a few odd limbs lying around somewhere, but not enough to make any more paint."
<Nvidiot> brianx: Bobby is being a little shit in kindergarten. Off to the woodchipper he goes? :D
<FLHerne> if my arm gets severed by some piece of machinery we can have a cannibalism party
<electrokitty> I like how you assume I would find eating human morally acceptable
<brianx> sasamj: because cannibalism is such fun
<ldgoforlaunch> that's cause there's too many people | <Nvidiot> ldgoforlaunch: time to eat some then.
<FLHerne> jan64: one of my stepsisters likes discussing that sort of thing, but fortunately I don't live in a bad porno
<FLHerne> you have to make sure you /do/ have enough hostages before leaving
<jan64> maybe not the vodka part, but despite what many people claim, you can't live off of pure vodka
<thomastheo> hm. interesting plot device for fiction. replace diet with old organic matter, such as mammoth meat from permafrost, or drink vodka made from petroleum, thus affecting the carbon 13/14 isotopic ratio of your body, and make it seem like you are immortal
"There have been several other cases reported wherein the fish was said to have entered the vaginal canal, but not a single case of a candiru entering the anus was ever documented. According to Gudger, this lends credence to the unlikelihood of the fish entering the male urethra."
< sborb> down in dutchland/germany it's all like horkel dorkel look at my poopen
< ldgoforlaunch> why's that nsfw, i was hoping for some frog porn
<sborb> I said to make frog smut in the style of john william waterhouse's hylas and the nymphs
Never measure anything over time without also measuring the ambient temperature.
<sborb> It dawned on me the other day that Vengaboys have lore
All sensors are temperature sensors; some measure other things as well.
"Since wifi is sent through waves in the air if I put a fan behind my router will it make my Wi-Fi reach me faster?"
Terabithia wasn't entered using a bridge. They used a rope. That was kinda a key motive in the movie. 'Rope to Terabithia' would've fit the movie's tone a lot better.
"It might be worth raising another kid and keeping them completely oblivious to the true nature of eclipses, instead telling them for 20 years with all due gravitas that a snake is coming to devour the sun."
"Mycelium bound composites (fungal materials) are getting growing recognition as building, packaging, decoration and clothing materials. Presently the fungal materials are passive. To make the fungal materials adaptive, i.e. sensing and computing, we should embed logical circuits into them. We demonstrate experimental laboratory prototypes of many-input Boolean functions implemented in fungal materials from oyster fungi P. ostreatus."
"19 out of 20 of these beetles will simply walk out of the frog, unharmed. It usually takes them about an hour, except one beetle speed-ran the frog in five minutes, which I'm sure was very exciting for the frog."